Submissive Guide

SGBHC #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

lunaKM — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:00:59 +0000

Welcome everyone to the Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge (SGBHC)! I am so thrilled to see you here! First, the challenge…

Submissive Challenge #8

Characteristics Essential to Ownership

What qualities or character traits does an Owner (Dominant/Partner) need to have in order to gain your consent to serve? Name at least three of these qualities and explain why you feel they are important.

[This challenge is from Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina "slavette" Parker]

Refer to the Guidelines and FAQs before posting your project.

Please use the linky list below to add your link to your blog hop project.

You have until 11:00pm EST tonight (May 25th) to add your link to this list. ONE random participant will be selected to win a copy of the book “Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook” by Christina Parker. They will be announced and highlighted here, on the blog, tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing all of your submissions!

Submissive Challenge Blog Hop #8

Copyright 2009-2012 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

Ask SehAnru | Painfully Shy and New

SehAnru — Thu, 24 May 2012 17:00:14 +0000

Hello,
I’m very inexperienced in the world of D/s. I’ve read lots of information to try and help me understand myself and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what I’ve always been looking for. I’m at a stage now where I feel that I need to talk to other submissives both novice and experienced. My problem however is that not only am I submissive, I can be painfully shy and every time I go to a chat room I chicken out and cant click the button to enter. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t know why I do this. Help please!

Greetings,

Try thinking of it this way, what if it was an order given to you by your Dominant? What would you do to overcome your fears in order to obey this request? It is not uncommon that a Dominant would request their Submissive to seek out others to learn from and/or socialize with. Just jump in and tell everyone you are new. Usually, people will welcome you in and help you feel comfortable. If you can’t do a chat room, try making a friend request with someone on Fetlife or a similar site like Submissive Guide Club. Look for a profile that looks like the type of sub you’d like to talk to. Maybe a one on one conversation would be easier for you. But, don’t be disappointed if your requests are denied. Just keep trying.

SehAnru

[contact-form-7]

How To Tell A Dominant That You Are Not Interested In Them

lunaKM — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:00:11 +0000

Imagine this. You are bombarded with private messages from every Dominant in a 500 mile radius offering their control for your submission, usually only of the sexual kind. They send you penis pictures and say they are a true Master with two-times the years experience than they are old.

Not hard to imagine? You mean you are one of the afflicted? No way!

Often times these people are very fake, only looking for some kinky sex or a weekend of rough sex. Other times they could be dangerous predators looking for their next victim. Even if they are honest applications for your consideration you will find that most of them you will be turning down or ignoring completely. How can you turn someone down and keep your personal strength and honesty in-tact? How can you let them down respectfully?

Okay so some of you are thinking, why would you bother with courtesies anyway? I’m going to tell you that you need to be the better person. You need to treat them as you wish to be treated even if they don’t reciprocate. Let me be clear. I’m hoping you’ll learn to be a positive influence in your own life and have as few regrets as possible. Treating someone poorly when a little sugar does the same thing is not a very decent thing to do and not something a perspective or current partner would want.

How To Graciously Tell Them to Go Away Online

When the message is online and you don’t want to be too hurtful but you do want them to get the hint that you are not interested a short and quick reply should do the trick. In most cases you may get a reply that will be as gracious as you were, but in other times you will get the desperate whiners that you wouldn’t want to speak with anyhow.

Hello DOM,

Thank you for contacting me, unfortunately I am not interested in conversing with you.

–sub

Another method, and one that I have done myself is to have a stock response that I save in a file and then just copy and paste it to the person. Feel free to use this and alter it to fit your personal style if you like.

Hello DOM,

Thank you kindly for contacting me, however I am not interested in kindling a relationship with you. The reason can be one of many, but the following tend to apply in most cases.

I am in a happy, committed relationship and am not looking for another.

You only talk of sex and kink you wish to participate in. I like the whole picture.

I do not carry relationships online.

I am offended by your use of “your” penis as a profile picture.

Your interests do not mesh with mine.

You are not single.

You are not within my preferred age, body type or gender.

You live too far away.

You chose not to use proper spelling and grammar in your message.

Thank you for your time,

–sub

How to Kindly Tell Them You are Not Interested in Playing in Person

When you are standing face to face with someone it is oftentimes more difficult to turn down requests, but it is also necessary in cases where you are not interested in the Dominant propositioning you. The best way to handle these situations is with courtesy and honesty. No matter what the reason for your disinterest you shouldn’t ever play with someone that you don’t want to play with just because you can’t figure out how to tell them no.

It’s as plainly as saying, “no thank you.” You don’t have to go any further than that. If they continue to bother you then report them to a dungeon monitor or another host of the event. Just because you are submissive does not mean you have to be anyone’s submissive. You control what you do at events, unless you have a Dominant and it’s likely that they do then.

How many ways can you think of to politely say “no”? Tell me in the comments, I want to know!

What It Means to be Collared

LadySneak — Tue, 22 May 2012 14:00:53 +0000

If you need to learn more about collars before reading this post, I suggest What is a Collar?

What does it mean to be collared? It can mean many things to many different people. For some it is a new beginning in a journey. For others it is a step in the training process. It all depends on the Dominant you are with. For every Dominant has a different way of doing things.

There is some common ground though when it comes to protocol:

A collar is given by a Dominant and is received by a submissive.
The collar remains the property of the Dominant and should be given back in the event the journey ends.
A collar and the person wearing it should be treated with respect.
A collared submissive should be considered off-limits to all others.
A collar should be treated with respect at all times. It is not a toy.
A collar should only be removed by the Dominant at the end of the journey.

How does one get to the point of being collared? This is probably one of the more confusing things for a submissive to understand because there is no clear-cut answer. There isn’t a formula one can use and to arrive at that destination because every Dominant you meet may handle this step in a different manner. Some may not even use what we commonly think of as a collar, but rather a definitive mark such as a piercing or tattoo or even a piece of jewelry.

Many in the lifestyle take months or even years to come to this point in their journey. It is certainly not something to be rushed into. For many lifestylers it is considered to be a bond greater than that of marriage. Would you rush into a marriage without knowing any thing about the person you are marrying? I truly hope that the answer to that question for all of you is “No”.

A collar isn’t something you collect. It has definite meaning to both the Dominant and the submissive. It is something to be cherished and respected just like any other type of union. I’d even go so far as to say it is sacred.

I have been fortunate to wear a collar both in real-life and online in my various journeys in this lifestyle. It was never something I rushed into and it was always something I viewed with respect. It was something that I had earned the right to wear. But how does one earn the right?

This is probably a confusing concept for some submissives because of what is commonly known as a Velcro collar. A Velcro collar really has no true meaning behind it and is given and taken away on whim. Many would argue that it cheapens what a true collar means and I quite frankly have to agree. I say this because it’s not earned in any traditional sense.

But how can a collar be earned? Glad you finally got around to asking that question. In most cases it is earned by obeying your Dominant, completing your training, and advancing in your relationship to that very step. There is no set time-table for this and it shouldn’t be rushed. It should also be something both parties mutually want.

Whether or not there is a ceremony is up to both parties. Usually in my experience it is a private affair but sometimes it is witnessed by close friends. It is a solemn occasion and one to be taken with seriousness. There is no right or wrong way to it. Though sometimes it may be followed by a party.

The important thing to remember in all of this is that it is something that you should treasure. A collar symbolizes your commitment and quite often your love and devotion to the Dominant. Why else would you wear it? That is truly the best part of it.

Adjusting to Stay at Home Life

lunaKM — Mon, 21 May 2012 14:00:52 +0000

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 1-21-12

We can all probably say that we have dreamed of not having to work for a living. It may even be your dream to be a stay at home submissive but don’t see that ever happening for you. There are a few of us, like myself, who get to live the “dream.”

The reason I put dream in quotes is because it is far from ideal living. The adjustment period lasted over a year in which I felt like I was freeloading, was bored a lot and then took on too much and never finished most of it. Throughout my struggles I’ve found a few things that worked to help me feel like my staying at home was not only what he wanted but also the best thing in the world for me too.

Adjusting Well?

I had some fantastic support from other people on the internet that I know through blogs to help talk me through some tough periods where I wasn’t sure I’d survive becoming a stay at home submissive. After all, we don’t have children, and won’t have children. The home isn’t a large place and isn’t difficult to keep up if I do my chores everyday. So what was I going to fill my days with?

First it was worry. I felt like I wasn’t contributing to the relationship as much as I used to. I felt that I was useless. I defined myself by how hard I worked at a job and by how much I brought home in my paycheck. What was I going to define myself now?

Finding my Mojo

I sat down one morning and started planning out my new life. I wanted to make it feel like a job. I set up a chore schedule, put together a home management journal and learned how to do better meal planning and from scratch cooking. I wanted to learn about saving Master money since I wasn’t bringing in any and I wanted to help lower my impact on the environment as well.

The home management journal has evolved a few times. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to use what I have. I’m mostly online for everything I do but then I find a need for offline items as well. Do I want to duplicate all of it? I don’t know. I’m in my 3rd year as a stay at home submissive and I still don’t know how I want to perfect my day-to-day tasks. I don’t know if that’s normal.

I love from scratch cooking. I’m buying very few processed foods now and loving the taste of homemade cream of soups, breads and pastries and so much more. I hope I never have to go back to buying the canned, dry or frozen foods. The quality just doesn’t match.

And saving money? Well part of that is the shift in foods I’m buying, but also because I’m making my own soaps and cleaners. I’ve not purchased laundry soap in 3 years, Windex in 2 years and I’m perfecting a dishwasher cleaner now that does as good of a job as the liquid I’ve been buying. I’m learning to buy in bulk and to stockpile items when they go on sale. I’m expanding my freezer cooking and definitely cooking more healthy options. I’m recycling as much as I’m comfortable with right now. I make knit dish cloths and will soon branch out into socks. I have a knit quilt I’m working on too.

It’s a mostly peaceful thing to be a stay at home submissive.

Is It As Easy As That?

Don’t get me wrong, there will be moments when you are so flipping bored that you will just want to scream. You’ll burn your bread or waste food because you stored it incorrectly. You’ll not want to vacuüm as often and the house will begin to fall behind in cleanliness. Things will get redundant.

And then you’ll need to find a way to make it fun again. Shake it up a bit. Do it naked. Or while dancing. Whatever you can. Because being a house submissive is not a dream. It’s still a job, just with perks you never expected.

How have you adjusted to stay at home living? Any tips you’d like to share with me?

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

lunaKM — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:00:51 +0000

Hi folks! I’m queuing this up before Sunday because I’m at Mischief in May in Des Moines, IA this weekend and I know I’ll be exhausted!

I was thrilled with the turn out for Submissive Guide’s first meetup! You guys are rock. I really enjoyed conversation and getting to meet so many wonderful fans of the site. Where should I try to do my next meet up?

Regional events are one of the first stepping stone I recommend for novices after they have settled into a munch. They are similar to conventions for other things like gaming or fandom. You get to learn more tips, watch presentations, meet new and interesting people and usually there is a play party or two to attend. Do be careful of burn out though and give yourself a day or so to recover from all the stimulus. I’m just stepping foot into events myself but I’m having a great experience every where I go.

Have you attended a one day or weekend convention? Where was it? What was it like for you? Would you recommend it to others?

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

The archives have over 750 articles in them. Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation

Date: May 22th, 2012
Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Would you accept your Owner’s decision to breed you, even if children where not in your plans? Would you have as many children as he wished, knowing that your tasks to raise them would be part of your submission to him?
When you are near the end of your life, reflecting back over the years you have lived, the choices that you have made.. what would you like to remember?
What ten words would you use to describe yourself to someone?

Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released! (Note the new URL)

Interesting Online Group

I admit that I am constantly on the look out for groups that are beneficial for submissives. Here is one that I’d like to share this week.

A Submissive’s Journey

About -
The Asj community offers a wide range of resources available to anyone within the D/s lifestyle, regardless of role or level of experience. Whether as a Dominant, or a submissive / slave, this knowledge and the benefits of the community are here to be shared.

While the focus of this site may seem to be oriented towards the female submissive, most will also apply to a male submissive or slave as well. Here on the Asj site, you’ll find well over 1000 pages of information regarding the D/s lifestyle and related topics. Explore the site Index to find many of these pages, or click on the various links you’ll find on pages throughout the site.

Interesting Links

None.

That’s it for this edition. If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to be a subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!

–lunaKM

Don’t Touch Other People’s Property

lunaKM — Fri, 18 May 2012 14:00:00 +0000

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 2-18-12

The other night KnyghtMare and I went to a play party. We were having a nice time sitting and watching and socializing in the sunken seating area surrounded by raised booths. KnyghtMare was playfully swatting my breasts from time to time and at one point I raised my arms up out of the way to show that I was more than interested in continuing his play.

From behind me came hands that grabbed my wrists and a happy, chipper voice said, “I can help hold these.” I tugged and said in a raised voice that did not need any help. He continued hanging on, firmer since I was tugging.

KnyghtMare was not amused. He gave the man a stern look and said, “Get your hands off of my property.” The response was instant, but the guy acted like we were the ones overreacting. It rubbed us the wrong way and we avoided the man the rest of the night. We brought it up to the host the following day because we know the man who crossed the line and he attends BDSM functions regularly. Not the novice, he should already know the golden rule.

It is obvious to anyone who sees us in a D/s setting that we are serious about D/s and that I have rules about contact with others. I’m usually quite comfortable letting people know about my current rules so as not to make them face KnyghtMare’s wrath.

But it’s also a golden rule of BDSM that you do not touch other people’s property. Perhaps this man didn’t get the memo or didn’t realize that people can be property too. It’s hard to speculate now.

Either way, let’s talk about the importance of keeping your hands to yourself when in a BDSM social or other form of D/s gathering.

When I was a very young child it wasn’t uncommon to hear my mother tell me, especially when entering a store, that I need to look but not touch. Growing up you learn about how possessions belong to someone and that you need to ask to see them.

In BDSM the idea of the possession gets stronger. As a person who is owned, the power of that feeling overrides my independent desires many times. And in social gatherings I’m well aware of what I can and can’t do with other people as far as contact is concerned.

I don’t expect anyone to know what my contact rules are, nor to remember them from meeting to meeting (in fact they can and do change based on KM’s whim). But I do expect people to know and use the golden rule of look but not touch. If I am under protocol that limits my contact with people, I will just say something along the lines, “I’m sorry I am unable to give hugs right now.”

Depending on the protocol level I have at the time, a hand out as a handshake is a nonverbal request for contact. I will gladly reach out and shake your hand. Asking to give me a hug is usually received well also. But touching me in any way beyond that will send KnyghtMare’s Dom senses tingling.

He’s very possessive of me. It’s one of the things I love about him. He has no problem telling people that his property is unavailable for contact and it’s a huge turn on for me – that level of control. So if you want to violate the look but don’t touch rule, be ready to have words with KnyghtMare.

Have you forgotten the “look but don’t touch” rule on occasion? We all do it whether we want to admit it or not. That fascinating double ended flogger just calls to be caressed. Someone’s array of toys is laid out and the texture of one catches your eye. You may even be a “huggy” person and meet someone who freezes in your embrace.

The best way to handle those situations is to apologize immediately and then back away respectfully. Possession is a powerful control that can drip from BDSM practitioners. It’s always best to err on the side of caution and ask.

In fact, most of the time we are glad to share!

Thoughts to Ponder

How would you or your Dominant responded if the personal story at the beginning of this post happened to you?
Why do you think some BDSM participants forget the “look but don’t touch” rule?
What other rules do you think should be a part of a BDSM novice’s social education?

Online Resources

Ask SehAnru | Prostitution is Not Submission

SehAnru — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:00:34 +0000

I am new to Dom/sub. I have been in training for 4 months, My Dominant says he wants to have men pay for an hour of pleasure with me. An hour of me granting their every wish. I said that sounded like prostitution to me, he said if that offended me too much I shouldn’t be his submissive. It does offend me too much. What do I do?

Dear Anonymous,

Well, maybe He is right. You probably shouldn’t be his submissive, but not for the reason he thinks. There are Dominants out there who are in the scene for the wrong reasons. They want an excuse to abuse and use women. A good Dominant would never put their sub in jeopardy. There are some people who like the idea of ordering a sub to please others, but they must first give consent. Also, any sexual act for payment is considered prostitution and is against the law. While there are times when you might push limits and consent to things you don’t like, you should never do something dangerous or against your own better judgment. A good Dominant would never put you in that position. I recommend that you move on and find another Dominant. I am sure you can find someone who will put your well-being and safety first.

SehAnru

[contact-form-7]

Reminder: Submissive Guide Meet Up This Friday, Des Moines, IA

lunaKM — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:05:22 +0000

Hi folks!

I had planned a video post for today but I’m still getting over a cold and am coughing quite frequently so that wouldn’t work out too well for a video. I’ll record it when I’m feeling better.

In the meantime, I wanted to remind you that I will be in Des Moines, IA on Friday for the first ever meet up for Submissive Guide! I’m looking forward to meeting you and talking with you and just enjoying conversation. I’ll have a mini discussion planned to start around 3pm but it won’t last more than 30 minutes or so. If you are going to be nearby, grab a coffee and visit with other Submissive Guide readers!

Here’s the post with the information.

I look forward to seeing all the lovely faces!

–lunaKM

No Related Posts

Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

lunaKM — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:00:12 +0000

One of the things that people love most about this site is gaining new knowledge and viewpoints. I have taken it upon myself to organize a day to take place once a month that will encourage bloggers to challenge themselves and explore their submissive choices!

Read all the important guidelines and FAQ on the Blog Hop Page

Submissive Challenge #8

Characteristics Essential to Ownership

[This challenge is from Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina "slavette" Parker]

Important Blog Post Requirements:

Participating bloggers can add their link to the appropriate list anytime between 10am EST and 11pm EST on May 25th within the linky list on the Submissive Guide post. Anyone posting their link after 11pm EST will not qualify for prizes.
Bloggers MUST post a project that coincides with Blog Hop Challenge #8 (posted above).
Bloggers who abuse the privilege of participating in our Blog Hop by self-promoting or advertising sales of any kind within their Blog Hop post will be automatically disqualified and blocked from participating in future events.

I hope you are as excited about this event as I am! I look forward to seeing you on the 25th!!!

Submissive Guide

SGBHC #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

Submissive Challenge #8

Related Posts:

Ask SehAnru | Painfully Shy and New

Related Posts:

How To Tell A Dominant That You Are Not Interested In Them

How To Graciously Tell Them to Go Away Online

How to Kindly Tell Them You are Not Interested in Playing in Person

Related Posts:

What It Means to be Collared

Related Posts:

Adjusting to Stay at Home Life

Related Posts:

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

This Week on Submissive Guide

Dug Out from the Archives

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Recent Journal Prompts

Interesting Online Group

A Submissive’s Journey

Interesting Links

Related Posts:

Don’t Touch Other People’s Property

Thoughts to Ponder

Online Resources

Related Posts:

Ask SehAnru | Prostitution is Not Submission

Related Posts:

Reminder: Submissive Guide Meet Up This Friday, Des Moines, IA

Related Posts:

Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

Submissive Challenge #8

Related Posts: