Submissive Guide

Reminder: Submissive Guide Meet Up This Friday, Des Moines, IA

lunaKM — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:05:22 +0000

Hi folks!

I had planned a video post for today but I’m still getting over a cold and am coughing quite frequently so that wouldn’t work out too well for a video. I’ll record it when I’m feeling better.

In the meantime, I wanted to remind you that I will be in Des Moines, IA on Friday for the first ever meet up for Submissive Guide! I’m looking forward to meeting you and talking with you and just enjoying conversation. I’ll have a mini discussion planned to start around 3pm but it won’t last more than 30 minutes or so. If you are going to be nearby, grab a coffee and visit with other Submissive Guide readers!

Here’s the post with the information.

I look forward to seeing all the lovely faces!

–lunaKM

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Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

lunaKM — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:00:12 +0000

One of the things that people love most about this site is gaining new knowledge and viewpoints. I have taken it upon myself to organize a day to take place once a month that will encourage bloggers to challenge themselves and explore their submissive choices!

Read all the important guidelines and FAQ on the Blog Hop Page

Submissive Challenge #8

Characteristics Essential to Ownership

What qualities or character traits does an Owner (Dominant/Partner) need to have in order to gain your consent to serve? Name at least three of these qualities and explain why you feel they are important.

[This challenge is from Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina "slavette" Parker]

Important Blog Post Requirements:

Participating bloggers can add their link to the appropriate list anytime between 10am EST and 11pm EST on May 25th within the linky list on the Submissive Guide post. Anyone posting their link after 11pm EST will not qualify for prizes.
Bloggers MUST post a project that coincides with Blog Hop Challenge #8 (posted above).
Bloggers who abuse the privilege of participating in our Blog Hop by self-promoting or advertising sales of any kind within their Blog Hop post will be automatically disqualified and blocked from participating in future events.

I hope you are as excited about this event as I am! I look forward to seeing you on the 25th!!!

Perspectives: Flogging

lunaKM — Mon, 14 May 2012 14:00:00 +0000

I believe the second kinky activity introduced to me after spanking was flogging. Since then I’ve had a love/love relationship with it.

Flogging is when a top uses a multi-tailed whip to strike in a swinging motion, often times rhythmically. The material that the flogger is made of varies as much as the sensation. Suede is most common, but there no limit to what material a flogger can be made from. You can find a lot of information online about flogging so I’m not going to fill this post with that sort of information. Besides, it’s all geared towards the how-to and method of a flogging.

As with the other Perspectives posts I wanted to share with you how it feels for a submissive to be the receiver of a flogging.

The first time I was flogged it was a startling experience. I actually expected it to be more painful than it was. The Dominant used soft floggers on my buttocks and it was quite a delicious feeling. Somehow I never thought that I could relax while I was in a session but he showed me that BDSM doesn’t have to be all about pain. It’s about sensation. The sensation that I was experiencing this time was stress-reliving and enjoyable. It was like a massage only better because it was turning me on.

Needless to say I was hooked. Flogging remains one of my favorite activities and KnyghtMare is pretty good with one or two floggers (Florentine-style), and he teaches it in classes in the area.

Therapeutic Flogging

When I get a therapeutic flogging, much like the first one I described above I tend to use them to relieve stress or to relax. They are the easiest to escape the world with. These sorts of flogging sessions commonly use repetitive patterns, softer floggers and rarely any talking. I can very easily zone out and sub space is common in these sessions because I’m able to just let the endorphins flow and accept the sensations.

Flogging for Pain

Unlike therapeutic flogging, flogging for pain I have to work harder to process the pain but the reward is greater for me. I am a masochist and the pain goes straight to my pleasure centers once I’ve connected it to that. Flogging when done for pain has more to do with using harsher floggers made of rubber, hard leather and more. Knyghtmare likes to escalate the strikes and finds that my magic number is five. So he’ll start soft and escalate up to 5 and then repeat. Other times he’ll shock me with a startlingly strong impact. He wants that response to the pain so sending me to sub space isn’t his goal here.

Flogging is anything you want it to me. It can be pain or pleasure, it can be warm up for other sensations or it can be cool down. It can be the “it” of a scene and so much more. Other forms of flogging involve smaller whips, a variety of sensations and whipping patterns. Honestly anything you can dream is possible with a flogging.

Let me know…

What is it about flogging that interests you? Do you love it? Hate it? What other thoughts would you like to add?

Ask SehAnru | Subspace vs Dissociating Due to Past Abuse

SehAnru — Thu, 10 May 2012 17:00:59 +0000

I’m a new sub that has recently decided to start working towards a 24/7 relationship with my boyfriend. There’s something that has had me slightly concerned as I’ve learned more and more about this new step in our relationship. For the first time, I’m finding out about subspace. As someone who is recovering from an abusive relationship that ended in rape, I sometimes slip into a dissociative state when overwhelmed. Coming from that background and reading about subspace, I imagine that I would have difficulty in distinguishing between subspace, which seems like a good state, and dissociating, a bad one. I realize that it has been said many times that the experience is different for everyone and, as such, may not involve those types of sensations at all, but do you have any advice or insight you can share about this?

Greetings,

My first question is, does your boyfriend know about the previous relationship? This communication has to be first and foremost as it will allow you two to communicate about triggers that you may have.

Having been in a rape and molestation situation in my own past I can definitely relate to the dissociation. My recommendation would be to have your boyfriend, or any Top that you may work with help to keep you grounded until you know the different feelings between the two. All that would need to be done is to check in with you more often, make sure that you are in a good place. It is one thing to feel floaty, but to become mentally not there can become not only damaging emotionally but can become damaging physically since in that state, you can’t tell your partner to stop because your rational side is just not functioning.

I do hope that you are getting counseling, and want you to know that you are never alone. I hope this helped.

Sincerely,

SehAnru

lunaKM Added: An excellent essay that I was linked to the other day might help a bit with your healing: BDSM and Healing For Survivors of Sexual Assault

[contact-form-7]

BDSM To Cure Insomnia

ted_subby — Tue, 08 May 2012 14:00:52 +0000

Insomnia is a common condition. I have seen estimates that over half of all adults experience difficulties sleeping a few nights per week or more. I am not a doctor or expert on health issues but I have found something which helps me get to sleep at night: BDSM! There are two ways I have found that BDSM helps me fall asleep at night.

1) As a teenager I learned that I was a submissive and would try to find time to mentally explore my submissive fantasies. I found that the best time for this was the quiet time just after I went to bed and before I fell asleep. A bit later in life as stresses of school and work began to creep into my thoughts at night I found that weaving a mental fantasy of submission was not only enjoyable but helped get my mind off the troubles of the day and helped me fall asleep. Almost every day of my adult life I have weaved a submissive fantasy and rarely do I have trouble falling asleep.

There are times when work or other stresses make it difficult for me to relax when I lie down at night and sometimes it takes me a few minutes before I am able to think of a good submissive fantasy. Once I do think of a fantasy, though, sleep is usually not far behind. The only downside is that my enjoyable submissive fantasies do not last long before I fall asleep. Often I will continue a fantasy the next night if it is one which is good enough for me to remember.

Another benefit to thinking of fantasies almost every night is now that I have recently begun to write fictional short stories on my site, I’ve had no shortage of ideas for new stories.

2) One common cause of insomnia is not getting enough exercise during the day. A remedy for that is … to exercise more (something I am trying to work on). Also, I have found that the adrenaline produced from a session of BDSM, consensual moderate torture, an hour or two before bedtime tires me out and I usually fall asleep quickly once I go to bed. I am lucky that I do not need to ask my dominant wife for a session of torture but for those who are uncertain about whether they would like more, try thinking of it as being “for sleep purposes”!

I have read that it is not advisable to exercise within a few hours of going to bed so that may also apply to a session of pain. If you find that a session of pain an hour or two before bedtime still leaves your heart racing too fast by the time you go to bed, try the session earlier next time.

As a reminder, I am in no way giving medical advice so please exercise caution. I only comment about what works for me.

lunaKM is Taking a Break

lunaKM — Sun, 06 May 2012 12:01:43 +0000

Hi folks,

I’m taking a break from writing for a bit. I’ve been writing at least 3 times a week for 3 years. I’m online wasting time too much these days. Things at home have suffered because of my intense focus online.

Master has asked me to realign my priorities and this I must listen.

Contributors still sill be posting so the site will not be silent.

And I will be back when Master is pleased with changes.

Thank you for understanding.

lunaKM

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Submissive Speech Series Wrap Up

lunaKM — Fri, 04 May 2012 14:00:51 +0000

All this month we have showcased a more humble, submissive way to verbally present yourself to your Dominant and in public. This concludes the series with a look back on what was covered and some last minute thoughts.

Ultimately, I hope you learned that speaking submissively is a culmination of a lot of different things, especially mood, behavior, attitude, tone and intent. We all can learn a bit from this series and be more kind to our fellow men and women.

What other pieces of advice would you give others about speaking in a more submissive manner? Did I miss anything that you’d like me to cover in a future post? What did you learn about yourself during this series?

Ask SehAnru | Nicknames for Kink Sites

SehAnru — Thu, 03 May 2012 17:00:39 +0000

I was wondering what might be a good on-line nickname or screen-name? I want to protect my privacy and I am having trouble coming up with a good nickname that would do that?

Greetings,

I had to giggle at this question because I have found myself sitting and staring at the computer screen many times in the past while trying to come up with something witty. Most of the time this is more for a character I am creating for one of my many games that I play… but in this case, I can definitely understand your want for privacy while also expressing yourself.

My suggestion would be something that reflects part of your personality. For example, one of my nicknames is Fyrekat. One because I love fire play and dance, and kat because have very feline-ish traits. mrowr. Something else that you can do which is more generalized is like initials or acronyms like license plates. SB4U, Or like Girly94 and so on. There are also name generators out there if you really want to be anonymous. The point is, don’t stress too much about it; have fun with it. But also, be careful and don’t put a name that you could make it seem like you are into something you are not. Example: A2M4U (Ass to Mouth for You).

I am confident that one of these suggestions will work for you. Good luck in your search.

SehAnru

[contact-form-7]

Fantastic Submissive Videos for Learning and Growth on Kink Academy

lunaKM — Wed, 02 May 2012 14:00:33 +0000

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 2-4-12

If you can’t get out to munches in your community or conventions held around the world the next best thing is a website focused on kink education. I have nothing but praise for Kink Academy and the quality educators and topics that they cover on Kink Academy. Here at Submissive Guide I have talked about Kink Academy before and the value for learning anything related to kink, but did you know there is a lot of videos there for the submissive mind as well?

Today I’m going to showcase the series and videos that I find to be a fantastic learning experience for submissives. Please sign up for Kink Academy if you can. The entrance price is well worth it. It also helps Submissive Guide if you sign up using a link in this post.

I won’t link directly to the videos since you have to be a member to see them. If any of these videos interest you, sign up by one of the banner ads in this post!

Mollena Williams, “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator and Executive Pervert.

Sustaining Submission in a Relationship

She discusses helpful ways and times to communicate (e.g., checking in during good times and bad experiences), underscores the prime directive of submission, and offers many suggestions to strengthen relationships.

Autonomy in Submission

She distinguishes between fantasy and reality, recommends clear-minded negotiation, and suggests helpful ways for the submissive (and dominant) to approach power exchange relationships.

Service When You’re Not in a Relationship

She focuses on ways to help the submissive/slave get their service needs met even when not in a relationship to another person. Her suggestions can also help you integrate your kink and vanilla lives, so to speak.

Getting Your Needs Met

She underscores that service is both given and received; and, using her own personal experiences, she encourages submissives both to know what feeds them and to communicate those needs honestly. Such knowledge and communication can help prevent sluggish and resentful service.

Negotiating Service Boundaries

She talks about knowing yourself and your boundaries, and being aware of what types of service nourish you. She highlights intention, focus, and open communication so to promote the best possible mutual experience of service possible.

Your Service Resume

She suggests that you think about – write down, and honestly communicate – what you can offer in a power exchange relationship. Not just the kinky stuff either! This may be the best way for you to underscore your value and advocate for your needs during negotiation with your partner(s). Invest in yourself!

The Service Mindset

She starts with a personal experience and accentuates that service should fulfill the submissive. Service moves one beyond oneself; the focus centers on the other. And this focus helps the servant grow in patience, openness, and acceptance. A very valuable clip for submissives and dominants.

Strength in Service

She challenges preconceived notions of dominance and submission, discusses the many forms of service, and encourages the prime directive of service (which she defines) as well.

Maymay, an open source programmer “by day” and a sexual freedom advocate “by night,” Maymay has been an outspoken member of kinky, queer communities since 2002.

Finding Masculinity in Submissive Play

He explores various types of play (e.g., chastity, penis size, and cross-dressing) from an atypical perspective as a way to encourage new thinking and promote value, fun, and eroticism for all partners involved in submissive play.

Masculine Pride in Submission

He starts with some of the cultural stereotypes of masculinity and service and then discusses ways to assert your masculinity as a submissive. MayMay emphasizes the central importance of personal authenticity throughout the clip.

Exploring Motivations for Bottoms

He defines, discusses, and provides examples for indispensable service, martyrdom, and bad-ass bottoming.

Princess Kali, a foot-fetishist and lifestyle dominatrix with extensive experience in humiliation, corporal punishment, female supremacy and TPE play.

Tips on Managing a Long Distance Relationship 1

With the age of the Internet it’s more possible than ever to carry on a long distance relationship and still stay strongly in touch. Princess Kali shares some basic tips for finding a variety of ways to communicate, making the most of the time you can spend together, and taking responsibility for keeping the spark alive when you’re physically far apart.

Tips on Managing a Long Distance Relationship 2

How can you strengthen your relationship with your partner between face-to-face visits? Princess Kali suggests several proven ways during this 9-minute video: meditations, writing assignments, masturbation schedules, and much more. Keep it light-hearted and sexy, and you’ll find that your kinky connections can become stronger and more meaningful.

Submissive Standard Positions

There are a variety of positions that a submissive can take in order to be ready for service, punishment or any other kinky fun. Princess Kali shows some standard positions including: resting, kneel-up, kneel-down, standing at attention, present, and dismissed.

Protocol

There are many different traditions of protocol and Princess Kali is here to share some of the ‘Kink Academy Standards’ including; tone of voice, addressing a Dominant, and phrases to use to communicate with-in the ‘scene’. These protocols are a good starting point for both submissives and Dominants to establish a more personalized standard.

And honestly folks, this post could go on and on. There are over 600 videos on Kink Academy and for a small monthly fee you’ll be visiting over and over. Submissives of all persuasions are covered at Kink Academy. I hope to see you there real soon.

Thoughts to Ponder

What stops you from signing up for a site like this one?
What topics do you long to watch videos of?
Do you think it’s safe to learn technique from videos?

Reviews of Kink Academy

Submissive Speech 12: Don’t Use That Tone With Me

lunaKM — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:00:42 +0000

The last post in this series is not about speech but how we say things that speak a lot about our mood, impression of the situation and so much more – our tone. Tone is also something precarious because you can be misunderstood by your tone alone. How many times have you had to reiterate something because it was taken in a way that you didn’t mean just by how you said it?

There are ways in which you can use a more submissive tone to your conversation and speech as a whole. Now remember that this method really isn’t submissive in nature but more along the lines of demure, deference and humility. Everyone could learn to be a bit more appropriate from time to time. Here are a few tips that might help you be heard in the right perspective that you intended.

Learn Proper Enunciation

The biggest reason that you may not be understood the way you intended is that your enunciation is off. There are native stresses to every word in the English (and all other) languages. If you speak correctly, then it’s less likely that you will be misunderstood – unless that person hasn’t learned the correct enunciation and it gets confusing from there. If you aren’t sure about the enunciation of words then look up dictionary.com and listen to the pronunciation guides for words that seem to get misunderstood a lot. Perhaps, for you, it may be inappropriate stresses that are causing the tone change.

Slurring words, over-abusing contractions and regional slang help to change the tone of conversation as well. A submissive should try to use proper spelling and grammar as often as possible. It not only shows intelligence but can bring your conversation to an even keel, keeping it humble.

Keep Your Voice on an Even Level

When you emphasize words by making them louder than the rest of the sentence it changes the tone of the entire conversation. The same goes for sudden whispers. Speaking evenly with the correct volume and pitch sounds calmer, more organized and steady.

Be careful though, because having too much of a monotone voice can be just as poor and can give you an air of indifference, boredom or laziness. You can have changes in pitch and volume without going through the roof with the shifts.

Use Less Commands and More Requests

In this rushed and harried day and age, we do far less asking and much more demanding than we ever used to do. Give me this, I want that, do this for me. It’s all very commanding and definitely not submissive-like. Can you think of words that would convey a request rather than a demand?

“May I?”

“Could I?”

“Would you?”

“Is it possible to?”

We’ve all learned that it’s so much easier to get things handled when you ask rather than demand.

Ask for Clarification

Oftentimes the change in tone in our voice is because we misunderstood what someone else said. If you aren’t sure, ask for clarification. Or you can simply re-summarize what the person said before you respond.

Don’t be a Loud Talker

This one is for me personally. I can’t be the only one, so I’m sharing it here. I’m a loud talker. I often forget that the person is right in front of me and talk as if they are across the room. The tone this implies can be yelling, ignorance (on my part) and anger. Tone it down. Be heard. Use that inside voice.

Submissive Guide

Reminder: Submissive Guide Meet Up This Friday, Des Moines, IA

Related Posts:

Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge #8 | Characteristics Essential to Ownership

Submissive Challenge #8

Related Posts:

Perspectives: Flogging

Therapeutic Flogging

Flogging for Pain

Related Posts:

Ask SehAnru | Subspace vs Dissociating Due to Past Abuse

Related Posts:

BDSM To Cure Insomnia

Related Posts:

lunaKM is Taking a Break

Related Posts:

Submissive Speech Series Wrap Up

Related Posts:

Ask SehAnru | Nicknames for Kink Sites

Related Posts:

Fantastic Submissive Videos for Learning and Growth on Kink Academy

Thoughts to Ponder

Reviews of Kink Academy

Related Posts:

Submissive Speech 12: Don’t Use That Tone With Me

Learn Proper Enunciation

Keep Your Voice on an Even Level

Use Less Commands and More Requests

Ask for Clarification

Don’t be a Loud Talker

Related Posts: