A couple weeks back, I shared with you that I had an opportunity to speak about marriage at a workshop for people who are honing their speaking skills. (Here is that post if you want to hear me speaking).

The cool thing about this class is that both My Beautiful Wife™ (Lisa) and I, have had the opportunity to participate. Today is my day to brag on my wife.

When the chance came up to speak, the instructor asked for class members to volunteer. Lisa didn’t raise her hand, so I volunteered her by doing the ‘Pointy Finger’ over her head – in return he said – “Oh, Lisa, you want to prepare a message for us?” She sheepishly said…’Sure’.

Well, I knew she’d be awesome. And I was right. Here is her talk from our Speakers workshop. I hope it inspires you!

Last week I had a great privilege of speaking for a church group about marriage. I have been part of a workshop for speakers who are trying to improve their skills, and present the message they feel God has given them to deliver.

I’m loving the class – and the cool thing is – if you are interested in speaking or teaching from a biblical viewpoint – this whole class is available online. (You can get it here)

During the workshop, each speaker gets 10 minutes to present their message. I jumped at the chance – any opportunity to work on my speaking skills and get feedback is a great thing. And, since I could talk about marriage – that was another added bonus!

This particular message was based on Philippians 4:8 – ‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.’

I have included the audio from the meat of the message so you can listen! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Title

15 Minute Marriage Makeover

Author

Dustin Riechmann

The Big Picture

…someone told me that investing just 15 minutes each day in a passion would allow anyone to achieve greatness. – Dustin Riechmann

I admit it. I’m still like a little kid who likes to go to the mailbox to see if he’s gotten any mail. I get excited when something I’ve been waiting for finally arrives!

Today is one of those days for me!

My friend Dustin Riechmann, from Engaged Marriage, has released his new e-book called the ’15 Minute Marriage Makeover’.

Dustin and I started our blogs on marriage around the same time, and also teamed up with a great group of people for the ‘Love Everyday’ E-book (that you can still get for *free* when you sign up over on the sidebar!)

Needless to say – Dustin is a friend, and I’m excited that I get the honor of talking about this new project he has been working on for several months.

If you check out the Engaged Marriage website, you’ll notice one of the main ideas is Making Couple Time a Priority. With this new Ebook ’15 Minute Marriage Makeover’, Dustin expands that thought and gives couples ideas on how to apply it to core areas of their relationship.

Here’s what’s great :

* The e-book is workbook style. I’m a big advocate of taking time to read books together as a couple. This e-book is laid out in a way that you can work on bite size chunks, 15 minutes at a time, for 28 days. You can do it in order, or jump around to an area that you think could use work.

* It’s Super Practical. It’s easy to follow and digest. Each of the 28 days are broken down into a lesson, a task, and some tips for your journey together.

Other related reads you might enjoy:

Simple Marriage – Dr. Corey Allan
Stripped Down – Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo (my review is here)

What can I apply right away?

Since 15 Minute Marriage Makeover is so practical – every chapter has something you can apply right away. You read a little, then you get action steps.

Dustin covers Budgeting, Sex, Communication, Setting Goals, Family Planning, Date nights, Serving one another, Writing love letters, Apologizing and forgiving…and others.

If you want a sample of what is in ’15 Minute Marriage Makeover’, check out this post at Engaged Marriage.

Big Wrap Up

I think 15 Minute Marriage Makeover is a great resource for couples who want to deepen their relationship and take it to a more intimate level.

The only drawback I can think of  is that if you don’t know Dustin, or haven’t followed his blog for awhile, you might not have a good idea of the caliber of guy he really is. This e-book jumps right in with practical ideas to help out, without telling you much of Dustin’s story. I’ll just say – Dustin knows his stuff, He lives it, and teaches it with his wife at Marriage Conferences around his city.

’15 Minute Marriage Makeover’ is nearly 100 pages and is $17 for ONLY 5 days. Buy it HERE!

On March 12, 2011  the price jumps to $27.

Full Disclosure – Some of the links in this post are affiliate links – meaning that I will be paid a couple dollars if you decide to purchase Dustin’s Ebook. Thanks for doing that! It helps pay the bills for this website! If you don’t want to support this site right now – Here is a direct link with no affiliation to me! Enjoy the e-book!

Links from the Podcast:

• Egyptian Man Names His daughter ‘Facebook’!

Leave your comments below!

All Music Courtesy Artists at Music Alley

Maybe you are like me and get overwhelmed with all the available…stuff …on the internet. I was thinking about ‘internet overwhelm’ as I was looking through my Google Reader.

I thought it might be fun to pass along some of the blogs of faith that have (or currently are) encouraging me. Being a Radio guy – I like lists. (As you might know from the Top Marriage Blog List I have kept for the past couple years!!)

Faith Blogs In my Blog Reader!

• Without Wax - Pete Wilson is a pastor of CrossPoint church and also an author
• Mars Hill Blog -The Mars Hill Blog is pastored by Mark Driscoll in the Seattle area
• Tony Morgan Live I found Tony’s site a while ago while I was the Youth leader at our church. I like his thoughts and insight on leadership.
• Perry Noble – Perry Pastors in South Carolina. I like his passion.
• Steven Furtick – Steven Pastors in Charlotte, NC – another leader who is super passionate
• Mark Batterson – Mark was the first blogging pastor I ever followed. Love his stuff.
• My Life As a Wrestler – Crispin is a friend and church planter in Louisiana. He’s also a killer musician and worship leader.
• Steve Sjogren – Steve is amazing. Love his thoughts on Outreach and church stuff. I had the privilege of spending a weekend with him at a men’s conference a couple years ago.
• Sticky Jesus – I just found this blog – but love the practical ideas about being thoughtful about presenting your faith in social media arenas
• Anne Jackson – Anne’ blog recently changed from a typical “blog” to more of a “writing thoughts on life” type site. Still Great.
• Michael Hyatt – Michael is the CEO of Thomas Nelson book publishers. Being a book junkie, I love it because of that, but also Michael’s thoughts on faith and leadership
• Breaking Free Blog – The Breaking Free blog is the blog of Covenant Eyes – the internet accountability software.
• David Foster – David Foster was one of two pastors who God used to help me turn my life over to him. Dave’s blog is awesome. He also has a great podcast that he does with his wife, all about marriage.
• Desiring God Blog – The blog from John Piper
• Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff’s Stuff Christians Like is awesome.
• Joyce Meyer – Not a blog per se, but something that I enjoy watching every once in a while (especially when my beautiful wife says “You need to watch today’s Joyce!”)

What do you read regularly that could encourage others? Leave it in the comments !!

photo from Julian

Welcome to the First Edition of the SuperFast Podcast!

This podcast is going to highlight…Our listeners! You are the main part of the show weeknights at WayFM.com (You can listen live M-F 7p to 11p Central!).

Over the coming episodes, we’ll highlight insightful calls – tweets, blog posts, facebook pages and updates, You Tube Videos…you name it, if it was on the show, and was helpful or fun…we’ll squeeze it in here on the Podcast somehow!

Leave me a message – I’d love to hear your feedback on the inaugural edition of the
“Superfast Podcast!”

All Music Courtesy Artists at Music Alley

I’ve always been an “artsty fartsy” kinda guy (who coined that term anyway?). In the past, I’ve thought about starting a journal that would be sent around the country telling stories of marriage – good and bad – with drawings, words and pictures like the 1000 journals project . I may do that one day, but I want to try this one first. This way, we all get to enjoy your creativity, not just the next person who gets the journal in the mail.

Here’s the Plan

In the spirit of The Art of Non-Conformity, Post Secret and Permission to Speak Freely (if you haven’t seen these sites, they are all great and could be a source of inspiration for you!)

You send me Your Relationship secret. What makes your relationship tick? Good, bad or otherwise. Be as creative as you can, and make them about postcard size, so they won’t cost an arm and a leg to send in the mail. You can identify yourself, or remain anonymous. It’s up to you.

As I get them, I will share them here on my blog. We can all be inspired by your creativity – and also take something to encourage and possibly implement in our own relationships!

I’ll Start Sharing Them as they start rolling in to HQ here in Middle Tennessee! It might get to the point where we share a couple a week – or a couple a month…it all depends on how many of you participate! (PS – you probably won’t be getting them back – so make a copy before you send it!)

Here’s the Address:

Our Relationship Secret
PO BOX 681293
Franklin, TN 37068

Can’t wait to hear from you!!

photo from Pink Sherbet Photography

Over the next several weeks, I’ll be highlighting the Top 10 Marriage Blogs who made the list here at The Marry Blogger late last year! I hope you enjoy some of the stories shared here from these awesome communicators – and their reasons for writing (and caring) so much about marriage.

This week, Alisa Bowman from Project Happily Ever After:

For those that don’t know, Why and how did you start Project Happily Ever
After?

I had survived a miserable marriage. By miserable I mean:

• Sex was not happening. It had been so long since we’d had sex that I could not remember the last time we’d done it—and I didn’t care.

• We had nothing to say to each other. We’d go out to dinner and stare into space.
• I was planning his funeral on the off chance he might conveniently drop dead.

Oh, it was bad. But 12 marital improvement books and 4 months later, we were on the mend—and we’ve grown happier and happier ever since. It was after I emerged from that experience that I wanted to connect with others. I had felt so alone when my marriage was bad. I’d thought I was the only wife who was struggling. I thought my friends had all married good men—and that I was the
only failure who’d chosen wrong.

But once things improved and I started talking about it all, I found that lots and lots of other people were going through the same struggle. But no one was talking about it. Everyone was too ashamed. So I started the blog and started writing about marriage from an honest, authentic place. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do claim to not be ashamed about all of my problems.
ProjectHappilyEverAfter is a safe place for recovering divorce daydreamers. No matter what you are going through, it’s a place where you can find support.

Tell me a bit about you and your marriage (then and now!)…

As I said, things were once pretty bad. We had a communication problem that had been worsened by the stress of my husband opening a business (that did not become profitable for 2+ years) within months of us having a baby. I was the sole breadwinner and parent for 2 to 3 years, and our marriage completely fell apart during that time.

We’ve since worked on things and I can now say that my husband is my biggest supporter. When nothing is going right in my life, I sometimes think about him and I smile and think, “At least I have him.” We’ve come a long way.

Whats been the best part about running Project Happily Ever After?

I love the community. I love connecting with other people. I love learning from others. The blog has repeatedly proven to me that people are good and kind. Everyone struggles in life. It’s a fallacy to believe that some people are perfect and some are flawed. We’re all flawed.

What have you learned about your own marriages in the process?

I’ve learned that a marriage is a dynamic organism, one that grows and changes with the moment. I’ve learned that I cannot control my husband. I cannot force him to change. I cannot mold him into a different human being. But I can work on myself, and in so doing I can greatly improve my happiness and his.

Do you have any favorite thoughts or tips to offer someone who might be
struggling in their marriage?

The two most important lessons I learned are as follows:

1 . Look in the mirror. Own up to the role you play in your marital unhappiness. I know. This was a tough one for me, too. I wanted to believe that my husband was 100 percent to blame. He wasn’t. At the root of our marital problems was my reluctance to ask for help. Once I became more assertive, our marriage completely turned around.
2. Be a leader. Every marriage needs a leader. If you are the person who is reading marital improvement blogs and books, then you are the leader. It might not be fair and it might not be what you want. It just is. Do you want fair or do you want a happy marriage? If it’s the latter, then give up your ideas of fairness and lead your spouse to a happier place. Be the big person in
your marriage.

Alisa made it to the Top 10 Marriage blogs (for the second time!) in 2010, and her new book Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters came out at Christmas!

Everyone loves a contest. I know, I have been privileged to host one here for the Top 10 Marriage blogs for the past two years!

But, it sure is fun to win one sometimes too!!

Paul Byerly from The Generous husband has put together his own Hot Marriage Blog List for 2010 – and TMB has found a spot on the list!

From Paul’s Blog:

Best Community Building Award: The Marry Blogger

Stu does some great posts, and I link to him regularly; but Stu has also done a great deal to link marriage bloggers and build community among those writers. His Top 10 awards have helped to get the word out about less known blogs. Stu also helped to put together a web site for those of us who do these blogs, and was a major player in the “LOVEveryday” collaborative e-book. Both those who do marriage blogs and those who read such blogs, owe Stu a big thanks.

**PS – I didn’t get to finishing editing this post before it went live today – our son has had a heck of a day with fever and throwing up several times.

I am really humbled by Paul’s kind words – it blows me away how God can use so many different tools to help and encourage all sorts of people – not just those of us who write about marriage. One of the most rewarding things about continuing on here is the great people I continue to meet and enjoy, who read, comment and email about something that touches them – or frustrates them!! – or encourages them. Thank you for reading here at TMB!!! I really enjoy the community we are continuing to build here – and other places!

Happy New Year – and if you wouldn’t mind shooting up a prayer for my son, that would be greatly appreciated! See you in 2011.

Since we have so many new subscribers here to The Marry Blogger, I wanted to go back and offer some of the favorites from TMB for 2010. Over the next two weeks, I’ll count down the Top 10 Most Read posts here. Here’s Number 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Why I Don’t Initiate Sex With my Wife More Often

I’ll come right out and say it.

I have issues with asking for “intimacy” with my Beautiful Wife™.

I fear the big “R” word: Rejection

As a husband, many times, when I desire to be with her mono-a-mono, I either:

1. Get more “touchy feely” during the day, or,

2. Make more “flirtatious” comments.

Apparently these just don’t quite cut it compared to the direct – “Hey wanna go roll around together in the bed, Clothing optional?”

Many times I never get that far because I fear the answer to this question:

What if she says No?

With my history (you can read about that here ), I have a tendency to want immediate positive response.

With a real, flesh and blood human being, you don’t always g-e-t that positive response. When that happens, unfortunately, I lean towards not initiating intimacy with my wife.

The crazy thing: I want to be intimate with her. (Actually, its not crazy that I want to be intimate with her. Its crazy that I won’t initiate intimacy.)

On my short list of “Favorite Things To Do in the World” – Sex with my wife has to be like Number 1 or Number 2.

But that ‘rejection thing’ keeps me from asking.

It’s time to have a better marriage and better sex life by getting past this mental roadblock.

Why My Fear of Rejection Makes No Sense

1. She’s my wife – she’s with me for the long haul on this marriage journey.

She said “I do” six years ago. We’re in this thing together. If I am going to pursue anyone it should be my Beautiful Wife™.  Here’s the kicker: If she says NO tonight, guess what, I will still be sleeping next to her tomorrow night! I can ask again!!!

I need to think of myself like a great home run hitter in baseball.  They strike out much more than they actually knock one over the fence!  Hopefully my odds are better.

2. She enjoys the S-E-X. WOO HOO!

I have been blessed with a woman who enjoys having sex.  This is terrific.  I should keep this in mind when she says NO on certain occasions.  There could be other reasons for her denial other than not ‘enjoying’ herself. I should ask more questions – find out where her mind is…and if I can offer an ear to listen! My wife wants me to initiate sex, but she also deserves an opportunity to explain why she isn’t in the mood!

3. She likes when I am happy.

My wife is my biggest fan.  She loves when I am happy.  Rolling amongst sheets together with her makes me happy.  Following this line of thought, this, in turn, would make her happy. Happy Wife. Happy Husband. Happy Marriage.

4. There is always tomorrow if we can’t be intimate right now

Thank You #1!

5. There are several forms of intimacy that we can enjoy. Everything doesn’t always have to be about the S-E-X

I have written about different types of intimacy on the Marry Blogger before, but I can say it again… Different types of intimacy are great.  And they can lead to S-E-X.  When you feel emotionally closer with one another, it can result in desiring each other physically.  But it is not a requirement. Sex should begin with a desire to be with one another and share each other physically. It should not stem from a “I have to do this – requirement” mind set.

What Keeps YOU from Initiating Sex in your Marriage?

Is it a fear of rejection, or something else completely? When it comes to initiating sex with my wife, this is my particular hang up, but I would love to hear what other couples deal with when it comes to initiating sex in marriage.

Give me your reasons for not initiating sex in your marriage in the comments below!