what a bitch.

that smiley face just cost me $0.20, asshat.

i’ve taken the liberty of editing their hourly employee application — let me know if i missed anything:

see detail:

this doesn’t just happen to drunk girls. this happens to, like, 1/3 of you.

take a tyra banks tip and practice before you take ’em out.

i realize that this  probably qualifies as animal abuse, but it’s SO G.D. CUTE.

stacey london co-hosts TLC’s what not to wear, and i’ve watched enough episodes of that shit to put it on my resume. that said, i can tell you with authority that this lady would bitch slap you if you came out of the dressing room wearing these jeans on her show.

if “fit and flatter” means cameltoe, i’m out.

because nothing says “fuck me” like a cosby sweater.

homeless dude to every woman on the A train, as he was trying to wrangle some change out of us:

“you’re so pretty. don’t mess it up. be nice.”

i david meowie.

i wanted to sit down, but thanks for the maneltoe show instead.