straight talk jess

Feeling Good.

Jess — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:29:27 +0000

Daycare was fantastic!!!! I picked Allie up after nearly running down everyone in my way. I missed her terribly and of course my mama brain told me she was so very sad wondering why I hadn’t come to see her. The things we tell ourselves, right?

I squished her and hugged her to pieces. I was greeted by her teacher and assured she had a good day. She drank all her bottles. Monumental in my book. She hadn’t finished all of her milk in ages.

I was so happy. Let’s be real, I was giddy that the first day was done and she kicked ass. We made it. I cheered her on for the next hour because she ate. I was relieved. I was reminded this move needed to happen.

She’s been sleeping a bit more like a champ. Guess a full tummy does that for a girl.

I’m still riding high. And it feels good. I got us organized at night so I could get out the door on time. I prepped all of her bottles (did you know that bottles can’t be refilled? You have to bring in a bottle for each feeding, per licensing. Lessons I’m learning–for the better.). I packed my bag and my lunch.

People, I’ve worn heels at the office for the last two days. It’s shocking. I even wore a dress yesterday! (It’s going to be almost 90 degrees in Texas today, so yeah dresses and heels totally work)

I just feel GOOD. I’m relieved. A weight has been lifted from my heart.

I was still sad when I dropped her off this morning, but the enthusiasm of her teachers just makes me happy. (I missed that from her first teacher’s class. Gah, I loved them). We’re still learning the ropes and getting into our groove. But it’s great. I’m happy.

getting ready with mommy. (no new bruises, that's ash from Ash Wednesday services last night)

And now back to your regularly scheduled random. Hopefully this is the last segment to “As the Daycare Turns.”

First Day.

Jess — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:21:50 +0000

Today was our first day. I was sad yesterday thinking about the fact that I wouldn’t get to go squish my baby during lunch or on a much needed brain break.

She would be with new friends, new teachers, a new class, a new routine and she wouldn’t see me.

Gulp.

I tried to swallow and fight down all the mama guilt. Nothing like a new school and routine to make you rethink everything, to question yourself even when you know how wonderful things are.

But I knew she would be ok at her new place. Ava always was when she went there.

I miss visiting with Allie’s old teachers (her first, the ones I love). I miss seeing her little friends. I miss visiting daycare with my friend so we could hug our babies at lunch.

Sigh.

The teachers were so wonderful when I visited Friday afternoon to pick up her new student paperwork (it felt like more paper than I ever filled out to even go to law school!). She was smiling and playing when I dropped her off. She was napping when I called. (of course I called. I’m shocked I waited till 12:45).

I miss her.

I’m counting down till I get to smoosh that pretty girl and her sister after work.

This will be a new norm for us. Hopefully it is a great one, I’m confident it will be. It’s just a matter of getting in the zone. Accepting change. We’re good.

Regular Folks. {Secret Mommyhood Confession}

Jess — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 17:32:43 +0000

Unless you are living under a rock, you know Whitney Houston died “unexpectedly” last week. It’s very sad. I am in no way undermining the grief and sympathy those around her share. I know what it is to lose a parent and I understand what her poor daughter is going through (although obviously I didn’t do it under a microscope and my parents weren’t crackheads). Losing a parent sucks. Hard.

Anyway, while I know she is iconic and was an amazing talent, she was a SINGER.

She did not cure cancer.

She did not serve in the military, she did not go into burning buildings to save lives, she did not keep bad guys from breaking into houses.

She was a performer.

And yet there was a discussion and debate about flying our national flags at half staff for her. What the hell? Are you kidding me?! Do they fly the flags at half staff for each and every soldier that has died overseas? For all of the police and fire personnel that die in the line of duty?

How much news coverage has her death gotten causing other REAL news to be skipped over to focus on her?

This is why America is so jacked and I’m sure other countries mock us. Things like this. The obsession with famous people and putting them on a pedestal as though they are magical and so much better people than we are.

They are not. They are regular old people like you and me but they happened to get paid millions for entertaining us by pretending to be someone they aren’t or using their God given talents to do something they’re good at. (Do you think I could get paid for playing online all day? I’m good at that).

They are talented, but they do not deserve special treatment (ahem! Lindsay Lohan should be locked in jail).

What’s worse is the attention those who have absolutely no talent get. Why do we give a tiny crap about any of the Kardashians or what goes on in their lives? Who cares about the Jersey Shore idiots? Why are we letting MTV making being an idiot and a fame whore a profession?

Am I guilty of following pop media? Absolutely. You’ve seen my obsession with John Mayer. But I know better. I like his music, I think he’s talented, but I also know he’s just some dude who got lucky and sings music. I don’t watch those Kardashian morons, the Jersey Shore douches, or the Teen Mom pieces of crap.

steps off soap box, now back to Whitney.

It’s sad she’s gone. She was unwell. She did bad things to her body for a long time. She needed help. Sadly, it’s not that “unexpected” that she died so young. So did Elvis, Kurt Cobain, and many other performers who led hard lives for the price of fame.

The family wanted a private funeral. All of the top stars would be there. It would not be open to the public.

Except you can pretty much go to any website, news site, and probably tv channel (I refuse to check) and watch her funeral live on television. Um, ok. People are capitalizing on this and that’s just sick.

It’s just messed up. And I don’t like it.

I am sad for the loss of a talented person who contributed to her own demise, I say a prayer for you and your family, but she was just a person. Just like you and me. No more, no less.

Jess is the Rock.

Jess — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 22:17:31 +0000

So my post about being in a rock and a hard place? Well I took over and now I’m the rock. I decided to make things happen. Thank you to those of you who commented and reached out in support. I appreciate you all.

Back to today.

Unfortunately when I picked up my girl to take her on a lunch errand with me, I was faced with the last straw that forced my hand. There was no more rock. No more hard place. Just me.

Long story short, I picked her up and walked out. I realized she had a mark on her cheek. I went right back in and asked if she fell. I asked what happened.

She probably fell/tipped over (I still don’t know) and had what was obviously a bruise from hitting something on her cheek.

No one knew. No one heard any cries.

Red flag.

I brought it to the attention of the assistant director. I asked her to follow up with the floater that was in there at lunch. The one I don’t care for. I left.

For the record, I do not think she was intentionally harmed by anyone. I do not appreciate being kept in the dark. Or lied to. It’s impossible to think she got a bruise like that without making a peep. The fact that no one pointed out the bruise to me when I picked her up made me upset.

I talked it out. I was angry. I calmed. I was done. I got on the phone and made a call. And an angel was on the other end. Sounds dramatic, but at this point, she is.

The director of the daycare we sent Ava to answered. (this isn’t the daycare I mentioned earlier that we were waiting for a start date at) She recognized the urgency and strain in my voice-no, I wasn’t crying. She offered to make something happen.

She did. Allie starts Tuesday.

I went back to work, wrapped things up (thank God for the world’s best boss and for the fact I’ve kept her in the loop).

I loaded Allie into the truck, made the short drive next door to the daycare, grabbed a reusable shopping bag and went in.

I said goodbye to my favorites. I tried not to cry as I said goodbye to Allie’s first teacher. I adore her beyond words.

I packed up Allie’s things in her classroom. I said so long to her teachers. I took down her picture. They didn’t need or deserve it. There was no sadness in my farewell to them.

I walked to the director’s office; of course she was waiting and eager to talk. She told me what she thought was a summary. I told her what I knew. I told her I was done.

We talked. I explained the numerous issues that have culminated in my decision. The demeanor of one teacher. The lack of attention to my child. The failure to meet minimum requirements and expectations. Again, she has never been in danger.

Participants were brought in to discuss what happened in the classroom. Stories unfolded. Nothing was answered.

Somehow Allie managed to scream and get a bruise on her face while sitting in the middle of the playmat with no one around her, no toys, no furniture. Interesting. So she did cry? Stories contradicted and morphed while we talked.

It didn’t matter.

It was done.

And I was relieved.

I hate confrontations. I can do the lawyer thing and lay down the law on people twice my age. I can take charge and tell you the way it’s going to be.

But having both teachers and the director there and being forced to dispute some of the allegations took all I had, probably because it was personal. But somehow I did it. Because the baby in my arms deserved it.

So did all the other babies there.

I was never rude. I never raised my voice. But I let it all out there.

I loaded Allie and her things back into the truck and I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over.

I would no longer feel anxiety about who my daughter was with. I wouldn’t have to worry if she was eating enough or sleeping.

I’m sorry things went the way they did. Offers were made to fix things. I politely declined. It was too late. The trust and comfort were gone.

So now, I say a prayer of thanks that the opportunity worked out. That the admissions woman at school was gone and the director answered. That this all happened and the chapter is closed and we move forward.

I pray for my baby as she starts her new school. That she thrives. And for the teachers and babies at her old daycare, for so many different reasons.

It is done.

And I was the rock.

Rock + Hard Place = Jess

Jess — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:30:39 +0000

I have never cried about daycare.

Until yesterday. Twice.

Ava’s been in daycare since she was 2 years old. That is four whole years ago. Allie started daycare when she was 3 1/2 months old. It’s been fine. To say their daycares were different…well that would be an understatement. No matter though, because I absolutely could not imagine the idea of having Allie anywhere but next door to my office so I could visit her and check on her. I always knew she wouldn’t be there forever.

Wordswordswords, detailsdetailsdetails. I’m not happy.

Is she safe? Yes. Is she cared for? Sure. If there was an issue that affected her well being I would move mountains to make something happen now, but there isn’t.

I’ve done what I need to do and have addressed the concerns I have with daycare, that’s the responsible thing to do, right? I’m not being Miss Nice Attorney Mom anymore. When I don’t like something, or someone for that matter, I’ve started speaking up. This is MY kid and I’m paying them money to provide a certain level of care. Yeah, well, that works well in theory. But it’s also kind of like this:

So now, I’m in a rock and a hard place and I wait till the new daycare can give me a start date. Oh yes, there will be a new daycare. As soon as she can, we are moving her. (I might have called a couple times this week, and I *might* have almost started crying once).

I’m sad she will be moving to a new daycare that isn’t close by, but for my own well being, peace of mind, and for her, it’s worth it. She’s number one and while this is about me, it isn’t.

I’ve gone over this a million times in my head. I’ve tried to think things out. I’ve taken it from several angles and perspectives. I’m not being capricious. For me, this is what I need to do. Right now this is consuming me and all I can think about is my girl.

It’s times like this that despite all the opinions around me, I thank God for my dad talking me down and helping me get some sense. But I can’t help but want to cry because I just want to pick up the phone and call mom. It sucks. Hard. Nothing like missing your mom to make a bad day worse. (cancer is a piece of shiiiiiii).

This isn’t a woe is me post, or a cry for sympathy. This is just a working mama venting her feelings in her own little piece of the blogosphere. There’s a give and take to working and having kids. Guilt plays a big part sometimes and so does paying a buttload of cash to have someone care for you wee ones more hours a day than you see them awake. (damn, that one stung a bit)

At the end of the day, all we can each do is what works best for our family and what we feel comfortable with. We’re just working on that in the Straight Talk house. It’ll come, till then I hold my breath, say a prayer, and wait.

Update 2:30pm. Interesting how quickly things can change. She’s out of that daycare as of the moment I go to pick her stuff up. We are DONE. And I couldn’t be more happy.

Irony is…

Jess — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:00:22 +0000

Using your lunch hour at your state job, to drive your truck here:

that's the headquarters, fyi.

To buy TOMS, organic baby food, and Chinese takeout. And using a Chase bank reusable shopping bag.

kung pao for the win.

It’s called diversity, folks. Living the modified hipster life. Happy Monday.

Secret Mommyhood Confession {Don’t Hate Me}

Jess — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:35:55 +0000

I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog this. It may change the way some of you think of me.

But this is my link up with one of my favorite girls Kimberly and her weekly Mommyhood Confessions. I feel safe letting it out here, for Kim.

Ok. deep breath.

So this isn’t technically a mommy confession, but I am a mother and this is my confession. I mean I guess it is because it relates to stuff I could make/do/watch with my child.

I love the Pioneer Woman’s cooking blog. She makes ridiculously delicious food. She beat Bobby Flay in a Thanksgiving Throwdown and her food looked delish. The photos she take of the food she makes and posts on her blog make me want to bite the computer.

I was so psyched to watch her new cooking show on Food Network. But I live in the dark ages and don’t have a DVR (I know, right? I’m cheap). I kept forgetting and just missed it. Until two weekends ago.

I tuned in while flipping between that and some show on Nat Geo and found her teaching children in her home school class (?). They were learning how to make and can jam. And then they were going to go draw water from a pond for experiments.

And, well…I didn’t like the show. Not even a little.

::runs and hides her head in shame and cries::

I know everyone loves her. LOVES her. I love her recipes. I did not love the show. It was just…awkward. Forced. Or something. Maybe she was nervous that day. Maybe she had some animals to tend to after filming. (joke) Or maybe I was still in the zone from the Border Wars or other [fill in the blank of some random thing I was watching that morning]. Whatever it was, I was disappointed and after the tease of the next segment, I changed it and didn’t look back.

There it is. I said it. My name is Jessica, and I do not like the Pioneer Woman’s cooking show.

I hope you all still come back. Please don’t hate me.

xoxo,
Me

Tidbits of Talk {vol. 2}

Jess — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:00:20 +0000

Whew. What a week. WHAT A WEEK. It’s finally Friday and I think it’s ending on a good note. It’s definitely ending with new beginnings, but more on those developments later.

*I burned my fingers this week. I was trying to save the baby from plopping onto the floor from her Bumbo (she thought leaning out was more awesome than sitting), and while diving to save her, I grabbed the Chi I was about to put away. To say it hurt is an understatement. I carried around a Tinkerbell ice pack all morning. It HURT.

*When asking Ava what it is I do around the house, apparently I: make good food, order pizza, do laundry, and unplug the appliances during storms. And I also feed Allison. Well alright then.

*Rice is a miracle worker. I decided that it would be clever to try to carry a box of papers, my cup of water, and all my junk I take to work. The victim? My phone. It got wet. Not realizing how wet, I tried to use it and it sounded garbled when I called the Husb. Eh, I’ll just restart it–at least it still works. WRONG. Friends, apparently you are never supposed to restart or power up/down a wet phone. Lesson learned. So my phone sat (disassembled) in rice for 60+ hours. It worked. Phew! Just 8 more months till I can switch to an iPhone…not soon enough because I’m kinda loving Instagram NOW.

*TOMS. My TOMS ballet flats finally came in. After much anticipation, much disappointment. Why didn’t I listen to all the people posting online? They were huge. I needed an entire size smaller. They are so freaking cute and comfy. Also? The TOMS customer service SUCKS. I tried for 20 minutes to get through on the phone then hung up and tried chatting with customer service online for an hour. I’m not happy. At all.

*Starbucks has super cute new Valentine’s cups. Have you seen them? So so cute. I guess they realized how excited people get over seasonal holiday cups. They could serve them in cups that have pictures of bugs and people would STILL want to drink the coffee. Ok, maybe not bugs…you get the picture. I’m not decaf full-time anymore, but I am half caff.

*the biggest news? Allie got her first tooth! Exciting right?! How’d I know? Because I randomly decided to shove my finger in her mouth while she was taking a bath. Who knows if she’s been fussy because it’s been sick house around here, remember? I think that would explain the night she was up every 2 hours. Maybe.

Happy Friday friends, we made it.

The Weird Sisters {BlogHer Review & GIVEAWAY}

Jess — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:27:33 +0000

click to check out the BlogHer page

update: congratulations Becca! You’re the winner! I promise I’ll get your book out in the next week–I hope

Yall, I’m on my way to a book a month! I just finished reading The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown. Such a great book! I was sad to see it end.

I like chick lit. I used to read it all up before I had Allie, my library card had a hole in it from using it so much. But then I went on a reading hiatus. Gah, you don’t realize how much you miss reading till you start reading again (for fun) and your brain starts working. It really is something that should be on every new mom’s to-do list: make brain work.

Anyway, back to the book. Loved it.

It’s an easy read and really entertaining. It centers around the dynamics of three very different sisters as they come back home from their very different lives and live under the same roof while watching their mom fight cancer. Having watched my mom suffer through cancer, on so many levels I can relate to a bit of what each sister was going through during this time. No two people have the same reaction to an illness or the thought of losing a parent.

All of the characters are complex and interesting, yet easy to relate to and likeable. I was honestly worried that I would get into it because the characters all share a love for Shakespeare and you’ll see random quotes peppered throughout the book. When I started, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But it’s actually quite amusing after a while.

If you’re looking for a new book to read, you should definitely check it out!

GIVEAWAY TIME!

And of course, you know I love to share the book love. Leave a comment below about what you’re reading (or want to read) and you can win my copy! I’ll be drawing a winner on February 14, 2012, so be sure to leave your comment before Valentine’s morning!

If you want to follow the discussion and learn more about The Weird Sisters and author go visit BlogHer by clicking HERE.

The fine print: this is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club. But I read the book myself and I’m telling you like it is. It really was awesome and the opinions expressed are my own.

On your next bad day, remember…

Jess — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:59:01 +0000

Some days just plain suck. It seems like they start bad, then it feels like they snow ball. Funny how that little thing that isn’t such a big thing seems like a HUGE thing on the day that you are in an off mood.

For some of us those days can easily magnify. But something I’ve worked to remind myself is that this is just a day. It will be over and then there will be a new day. I can’t control much but I can control me.

Do I still have a pity party? Sure but then I cut myself off after the 5th Girl Scout cookie (or maybe 8th, but who’s counting?).

Does a bad day suck? Sure.

Will it last forever? Nope.

Am I loved? Yup.

Am I blessed? Yup.

You will get through it.

Source: soulfulandtrue.tumblr.com via jessesco on Pinterest

If that’s not enough for you, here’s a little something to remember that will also make you laugh:

Source: beingalison.com via jessesco on Pinterest

*straight talk jess*