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What’s happened this year? A lot. It’s been busy.

• I have been involved in some huge projects at work.
• I sang in some St Martin Singers concerts.
• I joined a theatre group and was in a pantomime.
• I started playing the ukulele.
• I’ve met some really great people.
• I’ve met some not so great people.
• Phil and I almost bought a flat. It didnt quite work out but we’re still looking!
• I went skiing.
• I went to a music festival.
• I became a member of Ronnie Scotts Jazz Club.
• I turned 25! That’s quarter of a century. Wow.

And lots of other things.

It’s been a good year, and there is very little in it that I regret. 2010 though… I think a lot of great things will happen in 2010. I have a good feeling about it already.

I dont normally do New Years Resolutions but I have a few fairly non-specific ones.

1. Get better at the ukulele. This will happen anyway. I know it.
2. Play the trumpet more!
3. Maybe start a band and start writing some music again?
4. Finish some of the personal projects I started last year.
5. Take more photos! I have a great camera, some great lenses and great ideas. I just need to get on with it!
6. Meet even more wonderful people. I made some great friends last year. You can never have too many.
7. Blog more. I know hardly anyone reads it, but it’s good to keep a record of thoughts and musings for myself.
8. Read more. There are some great books I havent read yet and I used to read a lot. Life has got in the way, but i have about an hour a day of commute time when I could read something.
9. Cook more. I can cook, and generally it tastes pretty good! But there is never enough time and so many easier options. This year I want to try more interesting recipies and cook more often.
10. The most general one of all – just ‘be better’. At life, at everything I do, at everything I am. 2010 is about self-improvement!

So that’s it for this post.

Happy New Year everyone, and best wishes for 2010.

Steve

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ok. so. 2.5 months since the last post. I’ve done a lot in those 10 weeks! how to fit it in to one post? lets see how it goes. Lets skim.

Panto!

The panto has now been and gone. if you didn’t go, you missed out. it was actually really pretty good! I’m looking forward to little shop of horrors in the summer. Rehearsals start soon. auditions feb i think?

Work stuff

Work has been crazy busy. I have been involved in all three of the really big projects of the year, from the datacenter move, going on to the hardware upgrade project and finally the DR test. Add to that the the ‘usual stuff’. Software releases, other smaller projects and keeping all the developer tools i manage going, and things have been pretty hectic. It’s all gone ok though, and 2010 looks like it could be equally exciting. I will be heading up a project to improve our continuous integration systems by making it more reliable, more scaleable and generally work better. And a lot more of the usual stuff. But I should also be getting someone soon to help me out with that Enough of work…

Holidays

I had an obscene amount of annual leave to use up before the end of the year so i decided to use it in one huge block from December 15th to the new year. The first week was one of christmas parties.

On the Monday, a group of us went to Hyde Parks Winter Wonderland to take some photos. Many of the ones I thought were worth keeping were fairly… experimental, but they are on Flickr anyway. Have a look, leave a comment!

Tuesday was the Quay Players christmas meal. Very nice food and good to see everyone for a final time of the year.

Wednesday was the warehouse team christmas meal! Again, delicious food. i had steak tartare for the first time. Fantastic. i would have it again.

I had a night off on thursday. Very much needed for a bit of R&R.

Then Friday was Poker at Shahabs new flat in Canary Wharf. It didn’t go well for me. Dale cleaned me out with a couple of full houses. Bastard. Fun night none the less. I’ll get him next time.

Saturday I was up fairly early. I went up to Hampstead Parish Church (my aunts church) to give them a hand putting up their gigantic christmas tree. In the afternoon I headed out to Victoria Coach Station to go skiing. It didn’t quite go to plan… snow had broken the channel tunnel. Annoying. So we didn’t go that night. They did ring the next day to say that the hold ups on the shuttle had cleared though, so Steve and I headed off on the sunday, a day later than intended. We still got three good days of skiing in though, and the snow was great. With both legs stills intact, we arrived back in the UK on Christmas Eve morning at 7:30am. just in time for me to head home, have a shower, dump my ski kit and get on a train to Halifax for christmas with Tim (B) and Tim (S) and The Suttons.

Christmas Eve and Day were basically just awesome. Tim and I had an amazing time in Yorkshire, and the food, drink and company was amazing. The Tims and Katie and I all went out on christmas morning for a snowy walk. We then had one of the longest meals in history, all of it delicious.

On Boxing day Tim and I got up really early (6am! after all that eating and drinking!) and got a coach back to london for Christmas Dinner no 2. Again – delicious. Two days of turkey. Amazing.
Tim and I went out shopping on the 27th to buy a new TV. It’s pretty fantastic. 37 inches of 1080p goodness. The one small mistake we made was carrying it back from the west end to the flat. We managed, but it was… interesting.

We saw Avatar the next night, and then he was off back to Southampton. I met up with Zippy + various other friends of hers over the next couple of days before we both went down to Southampton, with her flatmate in portugal, Heather, on New Years Eve.

I probably shouldn’t go in to too much detail about the party… But there was delicious food made by Tim S, a LOT of drinks of various sorts, and some really fun people. We had fireworks at midnight and lit chinese lanterns to see in the new year. then off to mangos over the road for a few more drinks!

That’s it for now though. A better ‘New Years’ post later.

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September, October, NoMovember! Yes, next month I will be growing a moustache for charity. I will be starting the month clean shaven, and (probably fairly slowly) growing out the Mo over the following weeks. Assuming they don’t drop out, I will be doing this as part of a team with some guys from work. Things I will need from all 3 of you blog readers:

1. Money! It is for charity after all. I shall put details on how to sponsor me up in due course.
2. Ideas on what sort of Mo to grow. I’m thinking handle bars. I’m not doing a Charlie Chaplin.
3. Also, team name! I am lackingbin inspiration for a name. “The Moscateers” has been banded around, but I feel like it’s a bit obvious.

Anyway, that’s that. I shall be doing a daily (mostly) photo of the progress. More info about the event at movember uk.

Ukulele Wednesdays

In other news I have discovered a ukulele jam night that happens weekly on a Wednesday at the Royal George on charing cross road. It is aptly named Ukulele Wednesdays. I went last night for what will certainly not be the last time. Lots of people with ukuleles, singing and playing a huge range of songs and drinking beer. You can’t go far wrong with that in my opinion. Its a winning combination if ever I heard of one. I shall be there next week.

Falkor

While I’m on the subject of ukuleles, I bought a new one. It’s a Laka concert uke, with pickup. The difference in sound between it and my other one is incredible. Just goes to show that with instruments you really do get what you pay for (I did notice the same thing when I moved from my £150 trumpet to the rather more expensive Bach Strad all those years ago). Anyway, uke no. 1 was named Murray (after the infamous Murray Parker, world renowned musician, composer, confectioner, muse and all manner of other professions), uke no. 2 is Falkor. I don’t think I will be buying another for a while (if you want to buy me one though, I would not say no!). I just need an amp next… Anyone have one spare?

Falkor - Laka Koa Concert Uke

No other massively exciting news. Busy as ever on various projects, both work and non-work related

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This ‘Ukraine’s Got Talent’ entry is absolutely amazing.

In other news, last weekend I went to Bestival on the Isle of Wight with Tim, Phil, Ali and Kev. It was a fantastic festival, and I will get my photos from it on flickr soon. Sunny every day, and some really good acts on. Definitely planning on going again next year. I hope the weather will be just as good!

Last night we all went to see Coldplay at Wembly Stadium. The ‘Friends and Family’ area was right next to the players tunnel, so we all took the oppertunity to walk down that. Supporting were White Lies (who were very good), Girls Aloud (who were ok, but you couldnt really hear any of the words), and Jay-Z (who im sure was very good if you like Jay-Z). Coldplay put on a good show, and Jay-Z did his collab bit with them as well during Lost. The Royal Box was very comfortable. Nice cushioned seats, and helpfully undercover for when the heavens opened and the rest of the crowd got soaked. I could get used to haveing seating like that every time! Great show anyway. One of the best i’ve seen. The aftershow party at Wembly Arena was awesome too, with nice food, although the only spirit they had at the bar though was vodka! Still, I guess you cant really complain about free drinks. I had drunk a bit too much beer by that time, so vodka it was!

Things should be a bit quieter from now on. I need a while to recover.

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In other news, I will be in a pantomime in December. I joined a group called ‘The Quay Players’ as they are based not far from work and seem like a fairly friendly bunch. I’ve managed to wangle myself the part of Prince Charming 1. Yes, there are two Prince Charmings. Both of us are Steve’s as well. Things might get confusing…

First week of December anyway. I expect you all to be there. Copious alchohol is advised, and audience participation encouraged.

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kitten

eggshell

Exciting news i expect i have told you about me coming soon maybe…

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Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I’m afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to.

I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,
that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can’t say.

I don’t like hiding.
I don’t like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings –
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator –
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

By Charles C. Finn

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Since the last post on going to the gym, I have actually been back a few times. I was ‘training’ for the 5.6 km JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge. I suck at running. I can’t pace myself and don’t have the stamina. Why I agreed to run it in the first place us beyond me, but everyone else was doing it so I figured what the hell. 5km isn’t that far, right? No. Wrong. 5km is a long way! During my feeble attempt at training (I only started a month before the run) I didn’t actually manage 5km once so I was a bit nervous about the race. I had a £10 bet with Dale that I would beat him. This was looking less and less likely.

Anyway, I’ll try to go through this chronologicaly so more about that later (aren’t you excited to hear my time?). So. Gym. Pain. What was next? Well, the big ‘datacenter move’ project was completed at work. A few minor hiccups, but it went well. I’ve sung in a few concerts with the St Martin Singers (the a cappella choir Ali and I sing with). They all went well. Been to Ronnies a few times and saw some fantastic acts. A couple of weeks ago I went to visit mum and went to the Marlborough Jazz Festival. That was a fantastic weekend. So much good music! Definitely going back next year. And last weekend I was doing a release for work, which went incredibly well. It actually finished on time! More of the same please for august.

The Uke playing is going well. I’m trying to learn a few songs a week (by ‘learn’ I mean ‘manage to get through the song by looking at the tabs). I’ll start a list at some point of the things I can sort of play. If you have any suggestions, fire them my way and i’ll give it a shot. My talented ukulele playing friend Shane FoxX keeps telling me to record a YouTube (UkeTube?) video but I every time I try to record something, I screw it up.

So what else… oh yes, my run time – a little over 33mins (33:19 I think). not too bad considering the lack of training. I beat Dale. Zippy is coming from canadialand in a few days to stay for a week or so. That should be fun as always! I’ve joined a theatre group and it looks like i’ll be in a panto this christmas.

That’s about it! Sorry, fairly uninteresting. I’m surprised you got this far.

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SO. MUCH. PAIN.

My right shoulder is knackered. I think I might have damaged it. Sadly, I need the exercise. In under a month I will be running 5km in the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge and have a bet with Dale (opposite and right) that I will beat him. That is my only goal. I don’t care if I take 2 hours as long as he takes 2 hours, 1 minute. Even though my lovely mother ran it in 28 minutes at 60 years old, my goal is not to beat her (she trained hard for it! I have only just started). Beating Dale and winning a tenner is the key. and the BBQ and beer afterwards. They are also important.

Complaints aside, I did quite enjoy the gym. I went again on saturday with James (behind and to the right) and he showed me far superior techniques on how to lift weights in various ways. and by ‘far superior’ I mean ‘the correct way to’. I think I’ll do a spin class this week.

Side note: If you’re trying to map out my area of the office from this post, all descriptions of colleagues positions are described from my viewpoint on the desk. HTH.

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