Searching for the Truth

Do Not Submit

2011-04-24T12:19:00.002-05:00

After reading an amazing article, I've been pondering what it means to be free to put my sanctification in God's hands. For many years, I have been under a religious spirit of "Having begun by the Spirit, [I am] now being perfected by the flesh" (Galatians 3:3). I've thought a lot about what it means to continually put myself under the waterfall of grace and be washed with the water of His word to be sanctified instead of trying harder and doing better. God put Christ on the cross a little less than 2000 years ago fully knowing every sin that I would commit. For me to expect perfection for my life is absurd. For me to expect never to sin again and beat the mess out of myself each and every time that I do is insane. It's for freedom that He set me free (Galatians 5:1). God sees me as a finished product. When He looks at me, He sees Jesus. He says I am part of His royal priesthood (1 Peter 3:9). He knows I will fail and still accepts me. He knows I will be miserably rebellious and still calls me beloved. I don't have to get better in my strength! He started the work. He will finish it! HE will make me better. I don't have to submit again to the religious yoke of slavery. I can freely submit to the freeing yoke of righteousness (Romans 6:18). Over and over again, Paul empowers people to walk in the grace of God. He knows the pain. He knows the sin. He knows the destruction. My crying out for change is evidence that He is working. He hears my prayers and responds to them. He works them out in his timing. He is faithful to finish the work that He started. "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 11:33).

Power in Weakness

2011-04-08T11:33:00.001-05:00

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I have been dwelling a lot lately on the objective truth that I am not God. Reread that last sentence. “I am not God”. Genesis 3:5 is the ultimate temptation for all of us. The serpent tempts with whatever “fruit” that looks pleasing to me and tells me that I can be God if I eat the “fruit”. This can be a literal piece of fruit or something far from actual food. The “fruit” can be lust, greed, pride, etc. It works like this: “Is God really for you? Are His commands really what is best for your life? Did He really say, ‘Do not eat of this tree’?” So the mind starts to question. It starts to wade through the knowledge that I have about the world. It starts to go back to the subjective truths that have been cultivated from a very young age. It starts to justify and move toward lies instead of the truth of God’s commands and revelation of Himself through the Holy Spirit in the person of Jesus Christ. When the subjectivity comes to a head, the “fruit” looks pleasing to the eye. I eat it, and then give it to those around me. It’s the original sin. I want to be God. I think I know what is best for me, so I eat. I gorge myself. I get sick from eating too much bad “fruit”.

After Christ was crucified, died, was buried, and was resurrected to defeat sin and death forever, however, God says I am free (Galatians 5:1). God says my flesh has been crucified (Romans 6:6). God says that I am His adopted son (Ephesians 1:5). So what do I do with my weaknesses? How do I reconcile the fact that I continue to fall? That I continue to eat fruit that makes me sick? That I war against an enemy that disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14)?

I have thought a lot about how my brain works. When I was in school (and even now), repetition is normally the best way to really learn something. Whatever concept I am trying to master is solidified by my hearing it, seeing, doing it, etc. Wash. Rinse. Repeat until it is solidified. I do the same thing with lies from the enemy. “You can be God by pridefully exalting yourself so that people like you.” Wash. Rinse. Repeat. “You can be God by lusting after a woman that is not your spouse.” Wash. Rinse. Repeat. “You can be God by creating in your mind a world that is more custom fit for you than the one that God has placed you in. He is not for you. He is not for you. He is not for you.” Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I wonder what my brain is doing all day. It is always thinking or analyzing something. What anatomical connections am I making and solidifying all day? Are they words of truth? Are they words of Christ’s great sacrifice? Are they guided by the Holy Spirit? Do they glorify the Father? Am I resting in the objective truth that the Spirit of Christ, my hope of glory, resides inside of me and empowers me to do as the Father commands? Do I rejoice in my weakness so God gets the glory in working to overcome them? Or am I pridefully masking them and covering them up so that I can be presentable to my friends? Do I want to be God so that I get the glory? Or do I want God to be God so that He gets the glory?

The truth is that God knows you better than anyone else. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. He searches and knows you. He knows your faults, your fears, your inadequacies, the lies that you believe, the thoughts that you have, and every sin that you will ever commit (Psalm 139:1-24). Your life is a custom fit for God’s ultimate goal: to restore you to the image in which you were created, namely His (Genesis 1:26). It is God’s mercy that He give you a thorn in the flesh. He is made much of when you are weak. He is made much of when you cry out “Abba! Father!”. May His power rest upon you in your weakness, for then you are strong.

How to Own Your Bible Reading Plan

2011-03-23T07:08:00.000-05:00

Purchase an audio bible.
Put it into iTunes.
Select all audio bible files.
Right click and select "Get Info".
Find the "Kind" option.
Change to podcast.
Download new Bible podcasts to iPhone (or other device that allows double speed playing).
Listen in double time by selecting the "2X" as seen in the screen shot above.
Own your Bible reading plan by listening to twice as much Bible.

One of the helpful things that I did was create folders for playlists of each book. This way I could navigate to each section of the Bible instead of going one podcast at a time to find my preferred book. I'm listening to the Bible straight through from beginning to end so this made sense for me. You might find it more helpful to create playlists based on your particular plan.

Asia Recap 7

2011-01-31T06:00:00.001-06:00

The Sunday prior to my return to the United States was a long one. I woke up this morning to go to a church service with my friends. It was interesting to say the least. Without going into too many details about what happened, there were some serious theological issues that had crept into this church. The implications were a bit scary. Essentially, there is no theological training in the country. When different organizations come in and attempt to help the country does not have a good filter for which organizations come in and which do not. For the believers that do live here have very little training in discerning what is from the Lord and what is not. The organization that was supposed to be helping my friends was of the "health, wealth, and prosperity" type. This was quite disheartening. This message is being heralded in the United States where our culture is quite prosperous. Now it is being proclaimed where the prosperity is minimal. The potential for sweeping people into a false gospel is very high. When you tell people that are poor and uneducated that all things material can be theirs, you can seriously damage their world view and expectations of God. God does desire for us to prosperous, but not in the material sense that this message proclaims. This can certainly happen, but God is far more interested in us becoming like His Son than giving us fancy cars and nice houses.

Knowing that this message was being proclaimed, I could not idly sit by and allow the flock to be swayed by every wind of doctrine. I had some lengthy conversations over the course of Sunday night and all day Monday about what the Bible says about these particular issues. It was so good to sit down with fellow believers and work through a difficult topic prayerfully. These men are so hungry for the Truth that they were willing to listen to anyone with an inkling more of knowledge than they. I am not theologically trained or even a scholar by any means, so it made me incredibly grateful for the solid teaching under which I have been shepherded the past four years. It made me incredibly grateful for salvation and the heart of service for these people that the Lord has cultivated in me over the past five and half years since coming to know the Lord. It made me incredibly grateful to know that the Lord was directing my steps to these men, putting me in front of them with the right knowledge at the right time, and guiding me to the specific passages they need to prayerfully consider before making a decision. I was amazed at how providential it was that I was there to help them work through these circumstances when the message that came had been delivered (and was continuing to be delivered) just two weeks before I got there. As I was packing my bags, a false gospel was creeping in. God's timing is indeed far better than mine.

Early Tuesday morning, I got on a plane to return to City #1 and bid farewell to some friends before flying back to the United States. I originally intended on taking a train, but thirty hours was daunting. I bought a plane ticket last minute and flew back. I spent the afternoon with Wayne to find out that his girlfriend Lois was cancer-free. She had an appointment earlier that day during which the doctor gave her the good news. It was a time of rejoicing for Wayne and I at dinner. He was not entirely sold on the idea that God had healed her, but I did try to guide our conversation that way. I long for him to know the God that heals through the supernatural as well as physical means. I long for him to know the God that comes to meet with him even when he wants nothing to do with Him. Oh that he would know a love that saves.

All in all, the trip was successful. I managed to navigate a foreign country, by God’s grace and provision, by myself. I was able to see three entirely different cities. I was able to meet with locals, missionaries, and ministry leaders. I was able to eat food that I normally would not prefer. I was stretched in ways that I cannot possibly expound in blog posts. The Lord was so gracious, gentle, patient, merciful, and relentless in His pursuit of me while following him to the other side of the world. He remains this way and desires it for you also. His love is greater, stronger, and more fulfilling than the trivial pursuits of this world. My hope is that as you have read through my recap, God touched your heart in some way. He longs for relationship with you. Come away with Him.

Jesus, Our Forerunner

2011-01-26T09:48:00.004-06:00

In all our sorrows we have his sympathy. Temptation, pain, disappointment, weakness, weariness, poverty--he knows them all, for he has felt all. Remember this, Christian, and let it comfort thee. However difficult and painful thy road, it is marked by the footsteps of thy Saviour; and even when thou reachest the dark valley of the shadow of death, and the deep waters of the swelling Jordan, thou wilt find his footprints there. In all places whithersoever we go, he has been our forerunner; each burden we have to carry, has once been laid on the shoulders of Immanuel.

-Spurgeon

Asia Recap 6

2011-01-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

I arrived at the train station around 12:30 for a quick lay-over before heading downtown to my penultimate city. I got off the train and was overwhelmed again. Common to the previous stations, it looked like someone had kicked an ant pile and people scattered all over the place. I found what looked like a ticket counter as was indicated by the sign above it which read "Tickets" in plain English. Surely this was the place. I told the lady where I wanted to go, yet she seemed confused. I backed up, called Boo, and had him make the transaction for me over the phone. Success, or so I thought. I saw a mass of people heading somewhere and decided it was prudent to follow them. The custodian with broom and dustpan turned door guard was the only obstacle in my way. After denying my entrance yet allowing several natives through the door, I got a bit more aggressive with my words and managed to convince the custodian/door guard that I needed to go through his door. He reluctantly opened the door for me, and the confusion persisted. I looked around and soon saw a tall red-headed guy with pale white skin. Surely he would be able to help and provide the confirmation needed. In a thick British accent he confirmed that we were going to the same place. Moments later we were on a bullet train to our destination about an hour away.

Boo and Koma met me at the train station. Boo had taken an hour or so from work to come meet me and turn me over to Koma for a short ride back to his apartment. Koma had been a believer for about month and was already writing worship songs for his brothers and sisters in the Lord. We spent the afternoon taking buses and subways to Boo's apartment where I would be staying for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night. This was the final stretch. The view from the apartment was nice, but it really hit me when I realized most of the sky scrapers I was seeing were not in fact office buildings but apartments. 10 million people called this place home, and this was the solution: thousands and thousands of high rise (25+ story) apartments. Koma, Charlie, and myself spent the afternoon doing an impromptu Bible study and singing some worship songs. Hongsi joined us later that evening and we headed out for dinner with Boo and Tiger. It was a great evening walking around "Ocean City", the local shopping mall, and enjoying the San Diego like climate. Jeans and t-shirts were the attire for my time here.

Boo and I spent Saturday together roaming the streets and observing the center of the city where the Civic Center, Library, and Performing Arts Center were built. It was quite amazing to realize that this city was only forty years old, yet had such magnificent architecture built in such a short amount of time. The day concluded with a nap, some research on flights instead of a train ride back to City #1, and an amazing dinner. Boo had some Korean connections and had been invited to dinner. He was given permission to bring myself and a few others along. We met at a Korean BBQ and had a glorious time listening to Koreans preach and sing in the upper room of the restaurant. It reminded me of Acts 2 when the Holy Spirit fell upon those who waited on the Lord. Songs were sung, "Amens" were agreed upon, and spirits were filled that night even though none of my new friends nor I understood what was being spoken. None of us knew Korean, but somehow the Spirit descended and brought unity between us and these brothers and sisters.

Tomorrow would be a long day. Much time would be spent laboring for the sake of the Gospel.

Asia Recap 5

2011-01-17T06:00:00.011-06:00

I got up early and visited the concierge to have him write new instructions for my train ticket that was purchased for a hard plastic seat instead of a soft bed. Having spent 24 hours on a train just a few days before, I was really not looking forward to another 24 in an uncomfortable seat. Tony wrote new instructions, and I tried my hand at the buses again. Bus number 63 had it's number plotted on the map near my hotel and at the train station. I got on and tried my best to follow the street names the bus was following. I knew we weren't headed toward the train station, but I had high hopes that we would be turning around and getting there eventually. In a matter of minutes our bus was in a pretty sketch part of town. I was the only passenger, the bus driver pulled into the bus barn, and started to get off for his break. I asked him why we weren't going to the train station, and he simply pointed to another bus number 63 going in the opposite direction. I was a bit agitated, but the Lord was directing my steps. I spent another 45 minutes on the bus before standing in the wrong line at the train station two times to have my ticket exchanged. Success.

I spent most of the day walking around town, checking out the local WalMart, and handing out small amounts of money to beggars. It was a heart-breaking day. I believe I spoke about 100 words that day: well below the average. I couldn't speak. It seemed as though my entire purpose for going was crippled. I prayed several times for the entire language to supernaturally downloaded into my brain, but the Lord had different plans. Frustrated, alone, and tired, I walked back to my hotel and asked the concierge where a good lunch venue might be. His stellar training was evident as he recommended the hotel restaurant at least three times before expanding his repertoire to restaurants outside of the hotel. I walked down the street until I had a good feeling about one particular place where some other men were eating. After a brief exchange of words, I had a big bowl of beef noodle soup and $0.75 less in my wallet.

I ventured back to the hotel for a nap and some coffee. I sat downstairs for awhile listening to my iPod and sipping a latte. I observed a bride and groom preparing for their reception in the lobby of the hotel. The Ramada was a great venue for such an event. Between reading, listening, and journaling, I caught the bride at one point with her cell phone. She was texting. Friends and family wanted pictures with the newly weds, but she was distracted by her phone. It struck me as odd that she would be doing this on her wedding day. I don't want to know that my phone exists on my wedding day. The weight of this picture settled on my soul pretty quickly. In Biblical imagery, the church is the bride of Christ. Not a day goes by when Jesus does not long to take a picture with His bride and finds her distracted by the trivial things of this world.

I wrapped up the day with some dinner and some time in my room reading. I got up the next day ready to face another day at the park and a train ride to City #3. I took trusty bus number two down to the park with which I was now pretty familiar. I hiked up the opposite side of the mountains and spent some time reflecting on my time during the previous two days. I was surprised to see the variety of hiking companions along the way. They ranged from young to old, men to women. This particular day looked like several buses full of retired men and women were dropped off at the park entrance as this was the primary demographic. I sat just inside the park entrance trading phrases with a chatty older gentleman before getting ready to head out for the day. Somehow, amidst the thousands of elderly people present, he spotted a few of his friends and invited them over to chat. In our brief conversation, I discovered that they were both English teachers. Because of my lack of common words, we established that I was very smart, brave, rich, businessman. I liked this description and could not come up with better words to describe myself, so I let it stick.

I walked back to the hotel and grabbed my bags, crawled into a taxi, and departed to the train station for another epic trip. Once again, my compartment partner spoke next to zero English. It was an enjoyable evening with him. He paid for dinner and a couple of beers. We exchanged a few words before hitting the sack. At some point during the middle of the night, another guy arrived, the first guy left, and I woke up staring at the new guy on the bottom bunk where the first guy used to be. I was a bit confused and groggy from the previous night's lack of sleep. I decided everything was going to fine after observing that there were no signs of struggle in the room. The first guy had simply left during the middle of the night.

It was a long day of reading and listening to music while we trekked across the countryside to the penultimate destination. I was seeing brothers later today. My soul was longing for release and unwinding of the previous three days. I hadn't had a decent conversation in close to a week. It would be good to talk about the Lord with those who understood the weight of glory.

Asia Recap 4

2011-01-10T06:00:00.106-06:00

I got up around 8:00 this morning and had an amazing fresh-fruit, bacon-filled, pastry-induced breakfast. It was some of the first western food that I had eaten since arriving. I wasn't opposed to eating local dishes, but something familiar was pleasant to my mouth and my digestive tract. I stopped by the concierge and asked about recommended sights to see and things to do. I also asked them to write down instructions in the native language so I could purchase a train ticket. After establishing the agenda for the day, I got into a taxi headed to the train station. The taxi driver and I had a pleasant non-conversation about stopping at the bank before going to the station. I was confused because the night before the train station looked much different that it did in broad daylight. He kept telling me that it was right behind us, but I insisted on curb-side service. He turned the taxi around and drove for about thirty seconds, and then once again pointed at the train station. I felt like a complete idiot. Humility knows no international borders.

I bought a train ticket and attempted another taxi ride to get to a mountain park. After my less than successful bus ride the night before and arriving at the wrong hotel, I figured pointing at a map and telling the driver I wanted to go there had a better chance of success. Once again the Lord wanted to show me that my way is not the best. The taxi driver insisted on jabbering about how he could not drive to the park despite my best efforts to communicate to him that, in fact, he could drive there. I got out of the car and headed over to trusty bus number two with high hopes that the bus stop map I was given was correct. After about ten minutes on the bus, I got off and headed to the park. It was definitely a festive entrance. Hundreds of people crowded the street leading up to the entrance. Music was playing, sales were selling, and beggars were begging. I found the ticket counter and paid the $0.75 entrance fee. I was greeted by the traditional sidewalk artists and not a clue as to why I was there. I observed many cultural sights and sounds before deciding to head up to a temple. On the way to the temple, I saw women preparing some sort of dance routine, men playing badminton, children dancing, and a band playing some traditional music. The whole park was filled with culture that created an incredibly soothing atmosphere despite my inability to understand much of the words that were being spoken around me.

I definitely stuck out like a foreigner. During my three days here, I saw one other white person. I was pretty sure I was the only American in a several thousand mile radius. Nevertheless, I was determined to figure out why the Lord had asked me to come to this particular city. After hiking up a mountain, I arrived at the temple and observed some of the darkness in which these people walk. I saw a glass encased Buddha and many people coming to worship him. It was odd that these men and women lit incense and prayed to a god that had to be protected from the elements. It was sad to see them worshiping a god that needed a shelter to be protected from a storm when the true God could say to that storm "Peace, be still", and it would obey. I walked in and around the temple sights for an hour or so before heading up the rest of the mountain. I observed many wild monkeys on my way up. I was the only person heading up this way, so it was a little bit disconcerting to be on my way up a mountain that was inhabited only by wild monkeys and signs in a language that I could not understand.

Earlier this year, I was wrestling through the Lord's will for my life. I studied Moses and his time on top of the mountain in Exodus. During my time leading up to my trip, I was prompted to a forty day fast from some distractions in my life. It was providential that I was hiking up a mountain at this time. In the United States there are very few churches that embrace Spirit-filled worship. I had music pumping through my ears, and David Crowder led a worship session like none other that afternoon on the top of that mountain. From the top I could see much of the city through a hazy pollution filled sky. I prayed over that city and its people in way that I had never done before. My soul screamed in silence that people would come to know Jesus and the freedom He offers His people if they would only trust Him. My heart bled tears as I witnessed the false gods that they had been worshiping for the past several thousand years. Something happened to me on top of that mountain that would forever change they way that I live my life.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon walking around the park and talking to a university professor who helped me get some lunch/dinner. I walked back to the hotel and guitar store caught my eye. I stopped in and talked to the owner for a minute or two before heading back to the hotel. I grabbed some coffee at the hotel and went back to the store. We sang an Eric Clapton song together and swapped a few songs. He sang American songs while I sung worship music. He had no idea the Gospel was being proclaimed, but hopefully a little bit of light now shines in that store. We exchanged farewells, and I walked back to the hotel. I realized that evening that I had a train ticket in a plastic chair instead of a soft-sleeper bed. I had a million excuses as to why I could not travel this way. Tomorrow's agenda would include exchanging my ticket and experiencing other scenarios of God's provision and protection.

Asia Recap 3

2011-01-03T06:00:00.000-06:00

The train ride from City #1 to City #2 was eventful to say the least. The lack of their English speaking abilities was to be expected, so we had an incredibly fun time laughing at one another trying to pronounce the different words for my dinner. Cauliflower, broccoli, rice, tofu, and pork were just a few of the items they had difficulty pronouncing. I had trouble with just about everything they said. I was able to understand a good bit of what they were saying to one another, but I had no intelligent way in which to respond. It was during these times and others over the course of the next three days that I was incredibly burdened to understand the language. I so desperately wanted to proclaim the way, the truth, and the life of Christ but was unable. I was on a train to the middle of the country where there are very few tourists. Help in English was going to be limited. My first city was very much in the middle of the economic spectrum. This would one sunk all the way to the bottom. In the poorest province, this city was going to be interesting.

I was quite nervous after my splendid compartment partners left. The train arrived at their stop and they were gone. I had no idea when to get off the train. I had no clue what the lady on the speaker was saying whenever she woke me up from my nap. I knew I was supposed to arrive sometime around 6:30, but that is all the information I possessed. No map, no language, just a ticket with characters on it that I did not understand. I managed to ask the men and women standing in the hallway about their destination. We established that we were going to the same place and that I was to follow them when we arrived. Before I knew it, we had arrived at City #2. I got off the train and followed the familiar hustle and bustle out of the station to the street. I felt completely defeated as I walked into the night where thousands of people, taxis, and buses all hinged around a single round-a-bout that served as the bottleneck for getting people to their desired locations. I stood with my forty pound pack and messenger bag asking the Lord for direction. I saw a blue pop-up tent with the words "Police" on it and decided that was the providence for which I was looking to rescue me from my dire straits. Equipped with my hotel address in English, some broken language skills, and God's provision for me, I walked to the police tent and asked for help. We exchanged some words that determined that I was once again out of any sort way to save myself. In a moment I could have been knocked on the head, dragged into the night, and no one would have batted an eye. It would be at least two weeks before anyone back home would have noticed. Seconds after the police men started making fun of my inability to speak to one of their fellow police men on their CB radios, an angel appeared. She was a native that spoke enough English to help me talk to the police men and get me on a bus that stopped at my hotel.

I got on bus number two and determined that my hotel was five stops away. I got off at the right stop after repeated confirmation from the bus driver and headed up the street then back down to avoid the steel barriers that run down the middle of the road to prevent jay-walking. I was staying at the Ramada and the logo on the hotel looked like a big letter "R". As I got closer, I realized it looked more like a "G" and "P" intertwined... No dice. I walked into the lavish hotel fully expecting to just stay there and eat the cost just to get somewhere that I could call home for the next three nights. I asked the hotel desk attendant in English for some help. He was more than willing to accommodate me for the next three nights at $25 more than my original reservation. I asked about my original reservation at the other hotel. He was willing to call them and arrange a taxi for me to get to the right place. I got in the taxi and was on my way. I was greeted by McKenzie. She helped my get checked into my room and explained how to get help if I needed anything during my stay. I went upstairs, took a shower, came back down, ate some dinner, went back to my room and got some much needed sleep in a normal bed. The "one-step-down-from-king-suite" room was incredibly priced at $55 for the night.

I got up that next morning fully intending on seeing the sights and observing the culture. Priority number one was to get a train ticket to my next city. If only it was that easy...

Asia Recap 2

2010-12-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

Part two of the journey starts with a 3am bed time from the traveling days before. I met up with my friend Wayne, and we shopped around for a coat. It took me awhile, but I found one. The weather was in the 40s and the one thing I forgot was designed to keep from experiencing the weather to its maximum potential. Wayne and I spent most of the day walking around, taking pictures, and catching up on the happenings of the past three years. We called my other friend Joseph and met up at a familiar coffee shop near the campuses on which I spent some time last time I was here. We chatted for awhile before deciding it was probably a good idea to get to the train station to buy my ticket before it got too crazy down there. It was then that I realized I didn't have my passport. For the next two hours, I was pretty sure that I was going to have to take a train to the capital to talk to the American consulate and convince them to let me stay without a passport. My careful plans (read flights and hotels and nothing else) were no in serious jeopardy of being entirely determined by the Lord. We hopped a bus back to my hotel and found it sitting on the end table next to my bed.

Joseph was feeling a bit tired, and his wife was sick at home. He departed and was provided an excellent substitute: Wayne's girlfriend Lois. She joined us for dinner and contributed well to the stories and laughter we shared that evening. We bid our farewells and met up in the morning to get a SIM card for my phone. I was without a phone at the time, and it would be extremely nice to be able to call my hotel should I get stranded in the middle of nowhere. After a few hours wrestling with a foreign SIM card and an American Blackberry, I opted to buy a cheap foreign phone I could utilize during my travels.

I met up with some missionaries for lunch and spent the afternoon picking their brains about what their ministry looks like on a day to day and how they spend their time. It was very encouraging to sit down with some like-minded folks and discuss our hearts in English. I thought I'd be fine with the language barrier, but having a common communication medium is a tremendous help. It was cool to see how they arrived where they did and the steps they were taking to determine their role in their specific location.

Before too long it was time to head out to find a phone and head to the train station. The underground cell phone market was the place to be. Cheap phones that you've never seen or heard of until you see them and hear them. These were legit. I picked one out with a touch screen thinking I would be able to gift it to Wayne when I departed. He had mentioned getting a new one, but had spent close to $10,000 on hospital bills for Lois during the course of the year. It was heart breaking to see him go through this knowing the sacrifice considering the amount of money is made on average during a year in this area of the country.

Wayne escorted me to the train station where he bid me good-bye with the following instructions. "Stephen, you must keep your bags close. Someone might steal them. When the people stand up, you must push and shove along with the others or you will be left behind. Keep your bags close. It is dangerous." I really wish he would have told me this prior to dropping me off at the line of two to three thousand other people getting on to the same train as me, but nevertheless I was walking the path with the Lord. The journey was guaranteed to turn out exactly as He had planned it. After exchanging some small talk with the guy next to me and determining that we were headed to the same place, I sat on my pack and waited for the sound of hustling and bustling. Then it came. A steady roar of voices turned into a Roman gladiator arena of men and women making their way to a gate that allowed four people in at a time. I pushed and shoved, made it to the platform, and then onto my car. I was greeted by three women who were excited to see me, but also a bit apprehensive as they had no clue how to communicate with me. It was going to be a long train ride.

Asia Recap 1

2010-12-08T18:40:00.000-06:00

As I ponder the happenings while I was overseas, the one summary word that I used over and over during my conversations the past few weeks has been "providence". Everything leading up to, during, and after the trip was providence. Everything from the jobs that have prepared me to go this time, the conversations with friends, family, and pastors, the struggles experienced, the circles of friends with which I have interacted, and my own relationship with the Lord. All of these shaped and challenged me to do something as crazy as traveling to Asia on my own with little to no plan other than a few strategic contacts and travel plans.

The flights provided plenty of time to read, pray, and ponder through what the Lord began in eternity past. I listened simultaneous to Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper and read Radical by David Platt. Good reads (and listens) all around. While one is from a theological view and the other, while theological, is from a more vernacular view and removes much of the normal high-flown language of Piper, both present a very solid case for forsaking the American dream and pursuing God's dream of making disciples of all nations as commanded by Christ in his last words to the disciples before His ascension. Having listened to and read much of both of these works prior to landing, I had a pretty good idea of what Jesus was purposing me to do while on the ground.

Spending approximately 24 hours in the air and traveling was not the most enjoyable way to follow the Lord, but it was necessary and fruitful. Upon landing in my final destination city, I walked out of the terminal and very carefully (read randomly) selected my taxi driver. Similar to airports in America people are lined up to gain your business in providing a ride to intended location. The lot was cast on a "point man" who mades a phone call to the driver (who spoke exactly no English) who pulled up to the airport entrance and provided a ride to your destination of choice. I handed the address to the driver and spent the next 45 minutes or so in silence being driven to what I thought was my hotel at 1:30 am. With the windows down, no coat, and near freezing temperatures, the driver made a u-turn in the middle of the highway to get to the desired road. I remember doing this last time, but it was unexpected nonetheless. He was nice enough to pull the car over in the middle of no where and give me his EXTRA coat. He was nice.

We darted in and around cars as if there were no lane lines. We drove through the city for about 15 minutes before pulling off the main road onto a dimly lit street and into a back alley which was somewhat blocked due to cars and construction vehicles. I thought I had pulled onto a construction site, but the driver indicated that we had arrived, and that I was supposed to make my way inside of a dark building that looked nothing like a hotel sans the revolving glass door out front. I cautiously approached the entrance and upon entering found a business card that indicated that I indeed had arrived at home for the next two nights. After broken English and my feeble attempts at the local language, I managed to make it to my room around 3:00 am. I unpacked a bit and changed clothes to warm up from the 40 degree weather and wide open windows in my room. I slept well for about five hours before praying through what the upcoming day would hold.

Home!

2010-11-24T21:00:00.011-06:00

It's the night before Thanksgiving and what an opportune holiday during which to arrive back on American soil. I want to thank each and every one of you for prayerfully walking through this trip with me. I want to thank you for encouraging me in all that I do and try to achieve in my life. Your time spent with me, words spoken to me, and prayers for me have not been overlooked. It is through them that the Father has shaped and molded me into the person that is writing this and willing to travel to the other side of the world for His namesake. If you are reading this, you mean a tremendous amount to me. At some point during the holiday season, I would like to get together with each and every one of you and tell great stories of He accomplished during my time on the other side of the world. Keep an eye out on the blog here over the next few weeks as I debrief both myself and you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Texas - 11/24/10 - 09:00 PM
Local - 11/24/10 - 09:00 PM

City #1 Revisited

2010-11-23T00:00:00.002-06:00

By this time I have arrived back at City #1 to get ready for the long flight home. I'll have a few hours to wander about the city and possibly meet up with my friends here for dinner before heading to the airport in the morning. It's hard to predict what I will be feeling like at this point. I'm sitting in Starbuck on October, 8, 2010 preparing my heart for the things that will be accomplished. Since I will most likely not have a computer during this time, it's been tought to project myself out over a month in advance. I have no idea what my time will look like then. I have no idea what my heart will be feeling. I don't even know if I will be alive at this point. This country has been open to the words of truth, but only in limited doses. I rest in the truth that there are plans for me, plans for a hope and a future. Only He can determine whether I come home or not. Only He can say when the number of my days has been reached. It is with high hopes that I return. It is with high hopes that I come home and conquer forces of darkness by the word of my testimony.

Things to Ponder:

How can I debrief everything that has been accomplished in the last two weeks?
How can I be a good steward of the knowledge and wisdom I have acquired over the last two weeks?
What were the best parts? The worst?
What has He been trying to teach me through these things?

Texas - 11/23/10 - 12:00 AM
Local - 11/23/10 - 02:00 PM

Train Trek #3

2010-11-21T19:00:00.002-06:00

It is with a heavy heart that I get on the train to leave my friends in City #3 to begin the travel days back to the United States. It has been a refreshing and encouraging time to talk about the Hope that we have for this life. I have much to consider and ponder while I am on yet another 24 hour train ride to get back to City #1. I will be spending very little time in City #1 once I arrive. I'll arrive early in the afternoon and then heading to the airport early in the morning to fly back to the United States. My mind is full of all that He has accomplished and what He is going to accomplish in me as I get back home. The idea of home has evaded me for a long time. It is written that the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head. I have never felt at home regardless of where I go. It has been said that "home is where the heart is". I'm not sure I believe this entirely as my heart may be in a place that doesn't exist. What must I do with this longing in my heart to feel at home, yet know that I am an alien on this Earth? My citizenship is elsewhere, yet I am called to be a good steward and servant while I am here.

As I consider the plans for my days as an abassador, I only want to remember one thing: the Man that was hoisted up on a tree long ago. It is this that will bring me strength to comprehend and debrief myself over the next few days.

Ponder these things with me over the next few days.

Texas - 11/21/10 - 07:00 PM
Local - 11/22/10 - 09:00 AM

City #3

2010-11-19T15:15:00.009-06:00

City #3 is the economic baby of the country. Over $30 billion has been poured into this city in order to develop it and create a viable sustaining force in the country. It is home to the Silicon Valley-esque lifestyle of high technology and swarms of young people trying to make it big. It is the hub of many factories, ships, and other economic activity. During my time here I will be meeting with some friends that I met last time who have since moved to this part of the country. My heart is heavy for them because they are very much going against the grain in this city. He calls us to live a life of banking on the truth of the Risen One. Everything in this city wars against placing our hope in the eternal things.

Things to Ponder:

How can I encourage these men in the truth?
What questions should I ask when I consider what He has for me long term?
How can I be faithful and obedient today?
How should I spend my time?

Texas - 11/19/10 - 01:15 AM
Local - 11/19/10 - 03:15 PM

Train Trek #2

2010-11-18T01:00:00.028-06:00

By this time, City #2 will be in the rearview mirror of the train as I travel across the countryside to City #3. As I have lovingly referred to City #2 as the "Kansas City" of the country, I will have much to ponder and think through as I travel for another long overnight train ride to City #3. The trip is about half way over, and I should be back on American soil in about a month. The past three days should certainly hold much to think about and consider. I will have plenty of time (about 21 hours) on the train to think about what He is doing in these areas. The time in City #3 should be quite restful. I have some friends here that believe the same way that we do. It will hopefully be a refreshing time to be encouraged and encourage those that are fighting and laboring in The Cause with us.

Things to Ponder:

How can I be a light to those with whom I am travelling?
Do I have a future in this country?
What is He trying to do in me and in those whom I will be interacting in City #3?
With whom should I speak and how should I spend my time?

Texas - 11/18/10 - 01:00 AM
Local - 11/18/10 - 03:00 PM

City #2

2010-11-15T05:00:00.000-06:00

The remoteness and a specific people group that passes all of their family history, cultural traditions, and other information down through song initially drew me to this area of the country. They do not have a written language and are considered a "in the sticks" people group having little to no knowledge of the sustaining answer to life. This particular province is one of the poorest in the entire continent with a GDP of about $3600/per capita per year. Many of us make more than that per month. This people group is very much walking in darkness. They worship a host of demons and gods including the spirits of their villages, homes, and crops.

I left much of this leg of the trip unplanned. I did this on purpose that I might rely on the One who stands outside of time and has a much better perspective than I. Discernment and wisdom are high priorities.

Things to Ponder:

What am I to do while here?
How can I be stretched and do and say things with which I normally would not be comfortable?
Why is this particular part of the country so poverty stricken?
How can this part of the country be redeemed?
With whom should I speak and how should I spend my time?

Texas - 11/15/10 - 05:00 AM
Local - 11/15/10 - 07:00 PM

Train Trek #1

2010-11-14T05:00:00.000-06:00

About this time in City #1, I will be boarding a train to travel to City #2. City #2 is the what I have lovingly referred to as the equivalent of visiting the United States and going to Kansas City. There's not a whole lot in terms of tourism there. There will be more specifics on City #2 tomorrow.

Also, by this time, I should have met with my old friends from the last time I was here and met some new friends from the United States that were expecting my arrival. Hopefully, I was able to ask some good questions and understand better what it looks like to be in a role like theirs full time. I'm still discerning what the long term plan is, but I'm confident that I'm getting closer to some answers.

Things to Ponder:

What was I taught from the first two days on the ground?
How do I process these things?
How can I use my time wisely while on the train to City #2?

Texas - 11/14/10 05:00 AM

Local - 11/14/10 07:00 PM

City #1

2010-11-12T19:00:00.000-06:00

On the ground. Checked into the hotel. Up early seeking the truth. Rejoicing in safe travel and clear purpose and goals provided while on the plane. Today's agenda includes getting in touch with friends from the previous trip and sharing some meals. I'm planning on getting over to the market to pick up some knick knack sort of stuff for all you faithful awesome followers back home.

Things to Ponder:

Clear purpose and discernment for my time
Sensitivity to the one who gave it all
Great opportunity to share the number one goal in my life
How can I contextualize the truth to this demographic?
Good conversation with the friends from the previous trip and with the new friends that I will meet

Texas - 11/12/10 07:00 PM
Local - 11/13/10 09:00 AM

Travel Days

2010-11-11T09:00:00.023-06:00

Today I left for the airport around 4am. I was graciously provided a ride by some friends who love me enough to get up at an awful hour and drive me to a place that knows no sleep. I have a short flight to Los Angeles where I have a five hour lay over. It's from Los Angeles that I'll say good bye to American soil and begin to trek over 6500 miles to my first destination. I'll have a short layover here before taking another quick flight more inland on the continent. I'll get into this city around 11pm and will probably be up all night. Last time I flew this far, I ended up sleeping almost the entire trip. I landed in a happy mood and was charged up and ready to go even after another night's sleep. We'll see how I fair this time around. Look forward to another post Saturday.

Things to Ponder

What am I going to do when I get there?
How do get more of the one who sent me?
How do I spend my time wisely in the airport and on the plane to my destination?

Texas - 11/18/10 - 09:00 AM
Local - 11/18/10 - 09:00 AM

Embarking

2010-11-10T07:25:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, I'll be going on the trip toward which the Lord has undeniably led me. My mind is calm. I have everything planned, packed, and prayed up. People have been asking me all week if I'm "ready". I never know how to answer that question. How do you prepare yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally for a trip to the other side of the world. In some ways, I'm not worried about what will happen. In others, I am. I'm not afraid of the plane ride. I've done it before and slept the entire way I might add. I'm not afraid of the languare barrier. I'm not afraid of the train rides although buying a ticket might become interesting. I'm not worried about being arrested. I'm not worried about what the Lord is going to do while I'm there, but I am afraid that God will blow up my view of Him, and it will cause me to live differently. I'm afraid of the burden of the lost that my eyes will observe. My tendency is take on more that I can handle and solve world peace in an afternoon...which makes me wonder why it couldn't be solved in afternoon... I know that the Lord has not been in a hurry to move me to a place where I am comfortable in going. I know that He has not been in a hurry to move us out of the worldy body and into our heavenly bodies. I know He has not been in a hurry to sanctify me and lead me out of the sins in which I once walked (Eph. 2:1-10). I want to exhibit the same patience and steadfastness as it says in Psalm 136:23.

Story of Grace

2010-11-01T19:38:00.000-05:00

A wonderfully powerful band struck me over the summer when things were in chaos. I was doing a million things a day, chasing the Lord with everything I had, and hanging on for dear life. It was this through this album that I was introduced to a side of Jesus that I'd never known before. I shared the album with anyone who would listen. One line in particular grabs my heart and breaks me every time:

"Forgiven oceans I am brought to my knees. The story of Your grace fills me with the theme."

I would hope that the theme of my life is one of grace. The God of the universe quiets me by His love and "exult[s] over [me] with loud singing" (Zephaniah 3:17). I should do the same for others. He has given me so much that I might reflect His glory, and now He has given me a theme to sing over the people I meet during my story of grace. As I count down the days until I leave, I feel the pressure of spiritual attack, I feel the pressure to be a good steward of my time to prepare, I feel the pressure to be great. I easily forget that Christ has already born the weight of the world. All I can do is continue to put one foot right in front of the other trusting that He will give me everything that I need to fulfill his purposes for me each step of the way. I often wonder why I'm doing all of this. What's the point? Where I am headed? How long will it take to get there?

There have been moments in all of our lives when things change. The change of which I am speaking is not the kind that you experience when you drive to work and there is an accident and you have to drive a different way to your destination. I am speaking of a change that fundamentally changes the way you drive your car. I feel like many minor changes along the road of sanctification changed my life, but this verse changed my thought process of why I am here. Not why I am in Starbucks right now writing this but why I'm on the Earth. There were three if not more occasions in a two week span that this verse was mentioned to me or brought to mind by my own reading. It kept coming back. The Holy Spirit was prompting me and moving to study. I couldn't ignore it. The light came on when I was driving to work, and I heard of a ministry called "Faith Comes by Hearing". Based on Romans 10:17, this ministry's vision and purpose were clear: "to offer the world's largest catalog of audio bibles to individuals and nations who hunger to hear". A few different people encouraged me to seek from the Lord a passage or verse on which to base my ministry. It was when the Lord put all the pieces together for me that 2 Timothy 2:1-2 made sense.

You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 2 Timothy 2:1-2

For whatever reason the Lord has gifted me in discerning the truth from the lies. For whatever reason the Lord has given me an incredible memory of the Bible and other scripturally based books with which to encourage others and point them to Jesus. For whatever reason the Lord has given me the ability to speak powerfully about who Christ is and what He has done to set us free from the power of sin and death. I have not always stewarded these gifts well. It has never been my intention to do this, but inadvertently my flesh made its way to the surface and created discord in the rhythm of God's story of grace. I'm thankful there is grace. Otherwise, I (we) would be dead. Having been raised from the dead, I now walk in the truth, not by my own power, but by living by His power that works powerfully within me for his namesake, by loving all, and by entrusting to faithful men the truth of the Cross so that one name might be exalted above all others: Jesus Christ.

Preparation

2010-10-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

As I write this from the comfort of Starbucks, there are a host of emotions that are overwhelming my soul. I'm listening to Lecrae rhyme about not wasting my life. I want so much for life to count for The Cause, and yet I feel so inadequate to fulfill the purposes to which I have been called. I have felt quite inadequate for my entire life, and much of it has been spent compensating for these inadequacies instead of resting in the words "It is finished" (John 19:30). The truth that the Father loves me right in the middle of my immaturity, short words with people that I love, the fact that my worship, time, and money are spent on things that do not bring ultimate satisfaction, and the feelings of irresponsibility in these commands burdens and encourages my soul. I love that He loves me despite my inability to carry out His commands. In the same breath, I feel this tremendous weight to carry out the Great Commission for His glory.

As I prepare for this trip, I cannot help but think about all of the great things that He wants to accomplish in me while over there. I cannot help but think about all of the people that have encouraged me and challenged me along the way. I cannot help but think about all of the preparation He has done in my heart over the past five years. Sometimes I wonder where I would have ended up had I not been rescued from the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2: 1-10) over five years ago. He has given me such strength to not allow the world to dictate to me what I should or should not do. He has given me such tremendous strength to follow Him into the mountains (Song of Solomon 2:10-11) regardless of the cost. It has not been easy, and I am still figuring out what it means to walk this way without rocking the boat unnecessarily.

Join with me in praying for the Lord to continue to convict me and speak gently about my walking in what He has called me to be. He has given me great vision for the man He wants me to become and my stubborn flesh continues to attempt sabotage these plans. I know who I follow. I want to follow more closely to become more like Him.

Come Away with Me

2010-10-01T09:15:00.006-05:00

Many of you already know this, but I wanted to make a formal announcement and catch you up on what the Lord is doing in my life. In October 2006, I felt God calling me to go on a mission trip with The Village to East Asia in the summer of 2007. I was obedient to the call and had a very interesting trip. I think he was doing more in my heart at the time than what I expected him to do while there. There weren't mass numbers of Chinese men and women coming to salvation. It was more of a time to learn some lessons about the Lord and myself.

Since this time, the thought of returning to East Asia has not left my mind. There are seasons of desperately wanting to get back, and there are seasons of indifference. Nevertheless, I knew I would be going back one day. The opportunity has never presented itself so clearly until now. I feel as though a bit of background would be helpful here. Shortly after my first trip, I lost my job at the software company for which I was working and made a transition to work to work at the Apple Store in Southlake. It was here that the Lord showed me how to approach people I had never met and start up a conversation and address their computing woes. I stayed there for about a year before being obedient to move into teaching. I landed a pretty amazing deal at a middle school in Carrollton due to the help of a great sister in Christ. I learned how to teach and once again get out of my introverted bubble. I was at this middle school until April of 2009 when I ran out of substitute work. It was quite providential that I saw an acquaintance (now one of my best friends) at church and my resume was out the door. A week later I had a job at a mortgage company in Irving where I continue to work to this day. I labored through five months in the call center before moving to my current position where I get a tremendous amount of time off, unbelievable co-workers, and an environment in which to grow professionally as well as spiritually.

Over the course of my previous employment and life experience, I am finally in a place where I am ready and the opportunity is available to return to East Asia. God has given me a vision for East Asia that still has a lot of holes to fill. He has been purposely vague so that I might trust him more. It has been a difficult few months learning how to be patient, but it has been extremely joyful and sanctifying. The purpose of this trip to is seek the Lord's will. It has been on my heart to return to East Asia, but I'm not sure why. Some wild ideas have crossed my mind, but ultimately I want to determine his will for me there.

The purpose of this letter is to invite you into the Lord's work. The total cost of this trip has been covered either by myself or someone who has already supported me. My main concern at this point is what the Lord wants to teach me and show me while I am there. I covet your prayers. I'll be visiting four cities two of which I have been to already, two of which I haven't. I know people in two of these cities, two of them I do not. What I'd like to ask of you is that pray while I am preparing to go and while I am there. If you want to get some more specific updates on how you can be praying, you can enter your email address on my form here or just get the generic scheduled updates on my blog. You can subscribe in the upper right hand corner of the page. I'd recommend both, but whatever you end up doing is fine with me.

I am leaving on November 11 and returning on November 24. If you have any questions or specific prayers that you would like to send my way, I would be exceedingly grateful.

Love in Christ,

Our Protector

2010-08-13T21:45:00.006-05:00

Over the course of the past five to six months, I have developed a semi-daily reading regimen that includes the following:

Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan via the ESV
Valley of Vision via Banner of Truth
Spurgeon's Morning & Evening via the CCEL

I don't always get to each of these readings as sometimes I am overwhelmed with a particular verse or just not feeling up to reading that morning. The Puritans in the Valley of Vision have a view of God that is so far above me that it makes me want to fall to me knees in worship. I don't feel this way every day, but their celestial-like height of the sovereignty and goodness of God floors me. As well, Spurgeon has continually stirred my affections for the Lord over the past months. I was reading tonight from the evening reading and was once again overwhelmed by the view presented and truth reflected in God's glory. The Lord has taught me so much over the course of past five years. This is the first of what will hopefully be many posts to come about what he is teaching me.

I want to dwell on the idea of God being our protector and what it means practically to walk in this truth. Inherent in the idea of protection is the idea of safety. From what do we need safety? The texts of Romans, 2 Corinthians, 1 Peter, and James are all very clear that a battle is raging whether we realize it or not. These are direct references. If you look at all of the references (taking into account the imagery between Israel in the Old Testament being the symbol for the Church), the number (205) is much higher. From what do we need safety? The answer is our enemies and ourselves. Not many of us have true physical enemies in the States. So we will ponder what it means to be protected from ourselves. For me, I need protection and safety from me. James is clear that my passions will consume me if not subjected to the lordship of Christ. They will destroy me if not checked at the door.

Sometimes I wish I could leave flesh behind. It is dead anyway... Why must I carry it with me to the physical grave? I have not received an answer for this yet. To some extent I'm not carrying it around. Christ carried it the cross where it was crucified for me. The great exchange was made: my sin for His righteousness. In his words, "It is finished", there are volumes of truth. So, where is hope to be found in winning the battle that rages daily? If you answered "Jesus", then you get your spiritual Grammy for the day. However, the passage from 2 Corinthians throws in a twist of what this looks like practically.² "[W]e are not waging war according to the flesh." Paul goes on to argue that our weapons have the power to destroy strongholds and then equates these strongholds to "arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God". The Bible belt standard coffee mug verse from Romans 12:1-2 offers some hope as to how the problem can be solved.

Renewal of the mind is a subject upon which I have meditated many hours. Do not think Buddhist meditation where the mind is emptied. Rather think biblical meditation where the mind is filled to the brim and overflowing with truth of God. What I have concluded is this: by tossing the idea to and fro, back and forth in my mind, the promises of God start to take root. They start to shape how I think about who He is, how He works, what He has done, and how the universe is. There's a rhythm to it when I surrender to the way things are. When I dwell on the truth that God is my strong tower, I start to run to Him because in Him is safety. When I am lowly and mourning I know that the Lord will set me on high and lift me to safety. When my enemies (read lofty opinions as above or physical enemies) are many, I know that He will redeem my soul.

Do I believe these truths all the time? No. Should I? Yes. Do I stand on solid rock these truths when the storm comes? Do I cast myself on the anchor of my soul when the hurricane is tossing my feeble ship? There is a difference between intellectually ascribing to the truth of the Bible and actually living it. Do I walk in them as if they were my very life? Romans 8:6 is clear about the consequences: "For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." What am I choosing?

¹Yes, that is a Zelda shield.
² I am not here suggesting that anything in addition to Christ is needed for salvation. I am suggesting that Christ predestined, called, justified, and glorified those whom he foreknew. Walking in humble submission to his Lordship requires walking in the freedom that was purchased on Calvary by the power of the cross and the strength of the grace with which he enables the believer.