Editor's Note: This is a guest post by Denise Green of BrillianceInc.

Don’t Believe Every Assessment You Take

As a leadership coach, you might think I’d like personality assessments. But I don’t. It’s not that they don’t have some value.  I just think that they’re more limited than people allow for: that humans are more complex than any automatic assessment can capture.

And I don’t care what their creators and promoters say about how precise they are, I get different results depending on the time of day, what’s going on my life, and how much coffee I’ve had.

Perhaps you’ve felt boxed in by one of these reports. According to at least two instruments, I’m an Introvert. And sometimes that feels true: I do sometimes like to think quietly until I’ve fleshed out my thoughts. Other times, though, I spew nascent ideas as fast as I can think them. At times I do gain energy by being alone. But after a while I need to get up and be with people.

About 7 years ago, I came across an assessment called the Highlands Ability Battery that promised to measure innate abilities that didn’t fluctuate after the age of 14.

That was when I heard the term Ambivert for this first time. Finally, I felt understood by an assessment. It was actually worth the painstaking three plus hours to take the tests.

We Ambiverts can be very confusing to others. We can be gregarious one moment, meditative the next.  We get a charge from being with people and working on a team…until we don’t.  For me, this really resonated. I can lead a day-long workshop with passion and deep empathy. After, you can find me in a fetal position in my car, recharging my batteries.

For you all you Introverts and Extroverts, I have a message: it’s not personal, and we’re not crazy.

So What Can an Ambivert Do?

Let people know about your style: that your behavior fluctuations are not about them, just about you needing to manage energy.   Be realistic about your needs. When you need to recharge, don’t feel guilty stepping away. You’ll be more useful and nice to be around when you return. And when you’re in the mood to talk out loud, say that these are early thoughts and that you’re tossing them out. On the other hand, if you need time to think before responding, say so.  People will be less confused, and will make fewer wrong assumptions about your intent.

Think you’re an Ambivert? How can you tell? What advice do you have for others?

photocredit: maria kania

When I came across this piece in Wired, I recalled a conversation in a workshop wherein a client offered an explanation for how introverts and extroverts differ when it comes to presenting.

He, an introvert, noted that both can be equally effective in presenting and interacting with others.  The difference, he noted, was that "extroverts are energized by the experience, and introverts are exhausted by the experience."

This rang true for me.  I would generally classify myself as an extrovert.  I tend to be energized by leading workshops and interacting with clients.  I am happy to go out to dinner with clients the evening of a workshop.  It's stimulating and fun.  That said, there are times when I am DONE talking to people and just want to veg with a movie, a book, or a video game.

Two of my colleagues at The Henderson Group were introverts and tended to avoid interaction with people after a workshop.  My mentor, David Henderson, used to say, "If you saw me at 8 o'clock (the night of a workshop), it would look like someone shot me."  He would be practically inert while his batteries charged.  My wife, Robin, whose worked with us on and off since 1997, also favors quiet solitude after engaging with clients.

This piece by Clive Thompson points out that there is value in introversion.

Guy Kawasaki, by all appearances, seems like an outgoing guy. A former Apple “evangelist,” he’s an omnipresent voice online, blogging his ideas about entrepreneurship and tweeting 40 times a day to his half-million followers.

But a few years ago he posted a surprising 140-character revelation. “You may find this hard to believe,” Kawasaki wrote, “but I am an introvert. I have a ‘role’ to play, but fundamentally I am a loner.” His followers were gobsmacked…

About half of Americans are introverts, Cain says. These are people who have a superb ability to focus but work best alone and become drained by too much enforced socializing. Yet the US workplace has evolved in complete opposition to their needs. Private office space has shrunk dramatically: 30 years ago, companies averaged more than 500 square feet per employee; today it’s less than 200. Meanwhile, corporations have pushed employees to work in face-to-face teams, marching them endlessly into conference rooms for brainstorms.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post from our partner, Brilliance Inc, on "Ambiverts" a new categorization that offers more subtlety and nuance on this topic and explains why some of us need both solitude and interaction to stay balanced.

photo credit: mararie

by The Henderson Group

From that primitive stone-age tribe who sat around and listened to stories in their cave to today’s high tech sales force armed with the latest electronics, the art of storytelling survives. Stories capture attention and make information believable, memorable and understandable.

Jonathan Gottschall, author of The Storytelling Animal, says science backs up the long-held belief that story is the most powerful means of communicating a message.

In business, storytelling is all the rage. Without a compelling story, we are told, our product, idea, or personal brand, is dead on arrival. In his book, Tell to Win, Peter Guber joins writers like Annette Simmons and Stephen Denning in evangelizing for the power of story in human affairs generally, and business in particular. Guber argues that humans simply aren’t moved to action by “data dumps,” dense PowerPoint slides, or spreadsheets packed with figures. People are moved by emotion. The best way to emotionally connect other people to our agenda begins with “Once upon a time…”

excerpt from Fast Company: Why Storytelling is The Ultimate Weapon

Inject life into your presentations with stories:

Creating a Story

A personal story woven through your presentation increases the interest factor by several degrees. If you need to lay out technical details, don’t forget to touch the human side of your audience. A personal story about a frightening or difficult situation adds drama to your presentation.

Creation Myth: Part 1, Part 2

There is a special kind of story that organizations need to be able to tell.  In a way, it is the collective “Who We Are” story meaning that it spells out Who We Are and What We Stand For as an organization.

The Secrets of Storytelling Part 1, Part 2

Fashion personal stories that show you in a vulnerable light (when you were struggling as a young sales rep, at your first job out of college, etc.) They will help you gain empathy and get the audience rooting for you.  Come up with 2 – 3 stories that you can develop and plug into different presentations.

Connect with Your Audience Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Tell your group a story. Actually, every presentation you give is a story. Your connection with the audience via a story or two means you’re joining with them in a shared experience.

photo credit: JelleS & heidigoseek

by Terry Gault

In 1993, I was cast in the title role of an adaptation of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” the poetic philosophical treatise of Freidrich Nietzsche.

With 5 weeks left, we were still working on refining the script to its finished form. The language was dense. The play was rich in metaphor and symbolism. I knew the part would be daunting but I’d already played Hamlet. I figured, “This can’t be harder to do than Hamlet. I can handle it.”

As I began working on the piece, I was hit in the face by a couple of frightening realizations:

• I spoke about 70 – 80% of the lines in the play.  Many of my lines were lengthy monologues: lectures, confessions and diatribes, where I was not in dialog with another character.
• I had a very limited understanding of what my character was saying. This line epitomized my challenge:?“How could they endure my happiness if I did not wrap my happiness in winter distress and polar-bear caps and covers of snowy heavens?”?Believe me; putting this line in context does not make it one iota clearer.

I was having a great deal of trouble memorizing the lines. The night before we opened I still had the script in my hand, which is unheard of. The day we opened I had 8 full pages of text to memorize. Most of it was just me babbling on about God-knows-what.

To make matters worse, my agent, the man responsible for sending me out for commercial auditions (film, TV, commercials) would be in the audience.  In addition, my wife and several close friends and theater associates would be in the audience.

On opening night, I forgot my lines. As I mentioned, there was no dialogue with other actors.  Therefore, no one could jump in with their line and save me. There was a long pause that must have lasted a full minute – no exaggeration.  Afterwards, I apologized to my fellow actors. They kindly tried to console me but I’d have none of it.

That night I went home and wept. Such a feeling of shame overcame me. My training and my personal ethos demanded that I always be prepared when I perform. I had failed utterly.  I was ashamed that I came off as ill-prepared.

The Fear of Public Speaking is a frequent topic of conversation in our workshops and we help clients transcend that fear.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

This is how I feel today looking back on that awful experience of 1993.  Having survived an intense experience of shame and realizing that it’s lasting effect on my life was not that significant, the shame gradually starts to lose its power.  Then the fear of the shame also starts to lose its power.

It’s not just fear, it’s also shame that haunts us.  When we die, it’s done.  We don’t care anymore what people think of us.  When we screw up in front of an audience, our shame lives on in our minds, cascading into infinite what-ifs … coming back again and again, like a hated but intimate relative who won’t go away who whispers our darkest secrets into our ears, taunting us with stories of our incompetence and stupidity.

Yes, there’s something to this idea that’s it’s not just the fear, it’s the shame we must conquer.

This video by Brené Brown titled, “Listening to Shame” dives into this topic beautifully.

This is a great follow-up to hear talk about The Power of Vulnerability.

I love this point that she makes:
… let me go on the record and say, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.  To create is to make something that has never existed before. There's nothing more vulnerable than that. Adaptability to change is all about vulnerability.

I also love this quote she shares from Teddy Roosevelt:
"It is not the critic who counts. It is not the man who sits and points out how the doer of deeds could have done things better and how he falls and stumbles. The credit goes to the man in the arena whose face is marred with dust and blood and sweat. But when he's in the arena, at best he wins, and at worst he loses, but when he fails, when he loses, he does so daring greatly."

She points out that the biggest critic we face is ourselves.  Learning to be compassionate with ourselves is critical in order to embody courage and to experience joy and gratitude.  It give us the freedom to speak up in any situation, whether it be in front of a group of strangers or our friends and families.

She adds:
We're pretty sure that the only people who don't experience shame are people who have no capacity for connection or empathy.

Your shame makes you human.  Without it, you are a sociopath.

She adds:
Empathy's the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.

When you share your stories from a vulnerable place, you are saying, “Me, too.”  It connects your deeply to your audiences.

If you are willing to confront your shame, come face-to-face with it, you will feel a great sense of liberation and freedom and joy.

Speaking in public should be joyful, not shameful.

photo credit: fireflythegreat

by Terry Gault

If you really want to create authentic connections with your audiences, you MUST be willing to be vulnerable.

It will come as no surprise to our readers and clients that we are HUGE fans of TED.  In fact, in our workshops, I refer to TED as "The Super Bowl of Public Speaking" because it's where you will see the best speakers in the world.

Brené Brown's TED Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” is a superb example of why I am such a fan.

BTW, the hit count on her TED talk is at over 4 million views as I write this.  Clearly, this topic resonates deeply for people.  It’s powerful and I love it.

I love when she relates the definition of "courage":
Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language — it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart — and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

In every presentation workshop we teach, we talk about vulnerability in the context of storytelling.

It takes courage to speak to a group.  It takes courage to be vulnerable.  It takes courage to tell stories where you reveal your foibles and mistakes – to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

AND that courage is what is necessary to truly connect with audiences.

Consider the alternative: showing no vulnerability.

I suspect everyone reading this knows someone who invests a ton of energy in trying to appear perfect, never making mistakes.

How do you feel about such people?  Do you trust them?  Would you want to have a drink with them – hang out with them?  I am about 100% certain the answer will be a resounding, “NO!”  This is because they seem false and phony.  Because they do not demonstrate real humanity.  One gets the sense that they are not being compassionate with themselves and are highly unlikely to be compassionate with others.  So, it’s not really safe to be around them.  They are to be avoided.

I was guilty of falling into this trap when I first started leading presentation workshops.  I was supposed to be an exemplar of perfection: perfection in delivery technique, in rhetorical technique and my vocabulary, in giving cogent feedback.

Every time I made a mistake, I felt like a failure.

I was NOT speaking with my “whole heart”.

Now, 15 years into this practice, I feel I am beginning to understand the power of vulnerability.  Recently, I opened two engagements with a story about one of my failures, which follows.

It was a big opportunity for the company.

Not only did it represent significant revenue at a key moment but it afforded a high level of visibility at a Fortune 500 company.

A C-Level executive at Charles Schwab was looking for a communication and presentation coach.

He had two recommendations.  One was from his boss for his own coach who was based in LA.

The other was from a Director in Learning and Development.  Her recommendation was for someone who had never done any executive coaching at Charles Schwab: me.

In the past, I’d blown similar opportunities.

A Boston-based Fortune 200 company needed someone to wrangle one of their Senior VP’s who’s abrasive style was pissing off some of his co-workers.  I have a vivid memory of sitting in the office of Maureen , the Sr. Director of Executive Development and hearing her say, “Tell me about yourself.”

My mouth went from a perfectly normal state of moisture to the humidity of the Sahara desert in the space of 3 nanoseconds.

I couldn’t sit still.  I tried to convince them I was the right guy for the gig.  We didn’t get the business.

I went on to speak about the lesson I learned in the process: it’s far more important to focus on inquiry than on advocacy.

In both cases, the engagements went VERY well.  Both lead to follow up orders.  In fact, on the second occasion, the client booked a follow up workshop on the spot.  I am sure that speaking with my “whole heart” helped the audience open up theirs.

I now find that sharing my vulnerability is deeply liberating.  It is a great way to build trust and connection.  Ultimately, that enhances our ability to influence others.  This touches on the point that Brené Brown makes about authenticity, a big theme in our work.

As she reveals in the talk as she speaks to her therapist:
"Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.

She goes on to say:
“… we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is — and I learned this from the research — that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin … You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable …”

Speaking in public without vulnerability is miserable.   It is devoid of joy and fun.

Start practicing vulnerability.  It will bring out your authenticity.  When you speak whole-heartedly, I am confident you will see results when you start exhibiting that kind of courage.

Speaking in public should be joyful, not fearful.

photo credits: nimbu & Moyan_Brenn & DailyPic

Here's another piece from Forbes magazine focused on communication skills for women.  I particularly loved this line: "Everything we do is communication – we can’t NOT communicate."

5 Ways to Determine If Your Communication Style is Hurting Your Career

First, gender stereotypes abound.  For instance, research shows that success and likability in the professional arena are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.  This means that the more “successful” or assertive a woman appears, the more she is judged negatively and disliked for it.  Being criticized harshly for success consciously and subconsciously impacts how strident, self-assured and successful a woman wishes to appear.

Does your communication approach need modification?  Here’s how you can determine if your communication style is hurting your career:

1) People don’t respond well to your words and actions

In a seminar I gave last week at Pepperidge Farm on Fostering Collaboration in Communications and Relationships, we discussed how you can see, immediately, without question, how well you communicate by the outcomes you receive.

When you speak, or present at a meeting or run your staff meetings, what happens?  Do your colleagues respond positively?  Do they want to follow-up on your initiatives and suggestions, or shoot them down?  Do they support you, or criticize your contribution?  In the end, do you engender loyalty, support and trust, or do people walk over you or put you down when you communicate?

Read the full article by Kathy Caprino>>

photo credit: JodiWomack

Once a quarter The Henderson Group holds a "By Invitation Only" workshop in San Francisco, led by our VP of Services, Terry Gault.

May 31-June 1, Art of Presentation, San Francisco, CA.

Building rapport with an audience and moving them to action requires the ability to confidently present information that convinces and engages even the most skeptical customer. This intensive work educates and motivates participants to deliver high-impact presentations.

Using interactive methods, rather than lectured instruction, participants cultivate a personal style – a style that gains the audience's attention through confident composure and meaningful interaction. Through the Henderson Group's unique and proven feedback model, participants receive immediate feedback from instructors, peers and videotape, enabling them to rapidly learn, reflect and improve their presentation skills.

June 21-22, Complete Communicator, San Francisco, CA.

Over 95% of the workforce must interact with others in order to do their jobs, and communication skills are the number one factor affecting employee relationships with customers, superiors and colleagues.

The Complete Communicator work combines communication techniques in an intense, highly individualized, skills development program. Employees learn to communicate effectively one-on-one, in small groups, standing before large audiences, and over the phone and Internet.

Through videotaping and individual coaching, participants understand their current style of communication and learn how to project it more effectively in every business interaction.

July 12-13, Executive Communicator, San Francisco, CA.

"This course exceeded my expectations, and I found several elements of extreme value.   The most beneficial aspect was the quadruple-barrel feedback circle — self-assessment, peer assessment, executive assessment and presentation expert assessment. I also compliment the feedback quality of the instructors. The powerful combination of the executives, and communicator expert cannot be overstated.  Further, the video provides an immensely rich and relevant tool for participants to tie it all together.  I thought this was fantastic."
Joe Hasselwander, Senior Digital Marketing Professional

With our partners, Execcatalyst:

• May 29-30, Marketing Presentation Mastery in San Mateo, CA.

• Aug. 9-10, Marketing Presentation Mastery, San Mateo, CA.

Unlike introductory level presentation skill classes that are heavily theory or "tips and tricks" oriented, Marketing Presentation Mastery is designed with more that 50% presentation and technique practice – providing company and product evangelists with abundant opportunities to practice delivery techniques with self-appraisal, peer feedback, and facilitator coaching as well as video for review later. Two 30-minute virtual coaching sessions following the workshop are included to reinforce attendees' key takeaways and action plans. A supplementary resource guide containing all slides as well as additional exercises and reference material is also provided.

When I read this piece in Chief Learning Officer focusing on "How to Develop Mental Toughness in Leaders", I thought, “This would be great for our blog readers, too.”

Presentations are often high-stakes, high pressure situations much like being a professional athlete – you need to perform well while you are under a high level of scrutiny.  These tips are also useful for presenters because Master Presenters have developed the same mental toughness.

I hope this leaves you feeling, “Bring it on!”

How to Develop Mental Toughness in Leaders

Global business leaders, facing the complexity of an uncertain working environment, need to have the same psychological readiness as an athlete. It’s not just a matter of leaders’ knowledge, ability or skill that sets them up for success, but also an ability to deal with the pressure and stress of competition, fatigue and failure, Riordan wrote in a 2010 Forbes article, “Six Elements of Mental Toughness.”

Riordan’s six elements of mental toughness are:

• Flexibility. “Just like a quarterback faced with a broken play, a leader must [be able] to decide quickly on a different way to get the ball down the field.”
• Responsiveness. “Game-ready leaders are able to remain engaged, alive and connected with a situation when under pressure. They are constantly identifying the opportunities, challenges and threats in the environment.”
• Strength. Mentally tough leaders “find the strength to dig deep and garner the resolve to keep going, even when in a seemingly losing game.”
• Courage and ethics. Leaders have to have the ability “to make hard but right decisions for the organization.”
• Resiliency. Leaders need to be able to rebound from disappointments.
• Sportsmanship. Have a “Bring it on!” mentality.

Read the full article from Frank Kalman>>

photo credit: trendscout

Present like a Rock Star.

If you're a professional Marketer, you're probably one of the better presenters in your company. But so are the Marketers at your competitors. How do you stand out as the "best of the best" – a presentation master who uses high-impact delivery as yet another tool to differentiate your company, your products, and yourself?

This highly-interactive, expert workshop is for good presenters who want to become great presenters.

Upcoming Dates

Tuesday May 29th – Wednesday May 30th, 2012 – San Mateo, CA

Thursday August 9th – Friday August 10th, 2012 – San Mateo, CA

Contact us for more information>>

Watch the video or register now>>