Many of you keep up with me on Facebook and have a bit of an idea what I've been up to which is a good thing as I'm obviously not finding too much motivation to blog!

Most of the time, we are just around home. School is in progress so that takes up at least the mornings. I am doing school with my 6 year old niece as she is still in the part of the curriculum that requires complete one-on-one attention. I have previously trained for and taught this to two of my siblings and one of our friends so I was quite happy to take it over for Narelle. It is coming along quite nicely.

Last Friday, we all headed to Oklahoma City for the weekend. My BIL had a meeting to attend and I was keen to see yet another state. It is a 4 1/2 hour drive. On the way, we stopped and had lunch with his grandma for a while. Around "supper time", we stopped again to see an old friend (for those of you who have heard of him, it was Arlen). I was really glad to get to see him as it had been eleven years!

While in Oklahoma City, Narelle and I took the kids to the OKC Zoo for the afternoon while Heath was at his meeting. It is a really great zoo--very pretty and very well done--and also very cheap!

Due to not being very familiar with their denomination but mainly because I expected a large group of unknown people, I nearly begged out of going to church on Sunday morning. However, I decided to brave the crowd, pretty much hoping that nobody would talk to me! In a breaktime, a lady came up and started talking to me, quite obviously planning on making conversation. Just as I was wishing I could get away, she asked if I had any children. I had no previous intention of telling her anything (and it was kind of a weird answer) but I just said, "I'm widowed". Turns out she lost her first husband when she was 26!

We didn't talk for a long time--and I don't know her story nor did she ask about mine--but I was very encouraged by her. She prayed for me and of course I cried. She just encouraged me to keep going and to keep being honest with God. The only bit of her story I really know is that she did the whole spiritual thing at first and it wasn't till later down the track that she realised how much bitterness she harboured toward God. So, when I told her that I'd been really angry at God and had spent a lot of time trying to work through it all, she told me it sounded like I was doing the right thing. It sure is nice not having to try to explain what hell on earth is like...she knew already. I definitely saw it as a God-incidence!

On the way home, we stopped at the Wichita Mountains. This was really pretty and we saw wild buffalo and deer and longhorns. If we had have been a couple weeks earlier, we probably would have seen the best of the fall colours and it would have been beautiful.

I have been taking lots of pictures but probably won't blog too many. If you're a regular reader who hasn't already seen my pictures on Facebook, leave me a comment if you would like to see some!

I've just started reading "Tracks of a Fellow Struggler" by John R Claypool, a book I have seen frequently quoted in many of the books I've read over the last 18 months. It's taken me quite a while to get hold of it but it is already proving worth the read.

A few days ago, I stumbled across a comment on another blog that referenced me. Essentially, the person (who doesn't know me at all) was saying that I could do with being helped by this other widow (whose life is entirely different from mine on all counts, other than the basic loss of a husband). I have to keep reminding myself that I don't know her and she doesn't know me. She is extremely unqualified to give an accurate opinion on my life and there is a lot I could say to her that would prove how ignorant she actually is about the topic. However, if I've begun learning one thing over the last 18 months, it's that I don't need (nor should I seek) everybody's approval and I am practising learning how to LIVE that and not just know it in my head...way, Way, WAY easier said than done. :P

So in a renewed battle against negative voices, I was encouraged by the following story:

I was deeply moved this week by an observation of Dr George Buttrick''s concerning the Dead Sea in Palestine. Again and again as a sermon illustration I have heard the Dead Sea compared unfavorably with the Sea of Galilee, which is fresh and sparkling and full of fish, while the Dead Sea is salty and no fish can live in it. The usual point is that the Jordan River flows through the Sea of Galilee, but only flows into the Dead Sea because there is no outlet. Dr Buttrick concedes the truth of this point about life through giving but then goes on to identify another truth of which I had never thought. He claims the Dead Sea does have an outlet--the upward one, toward the sky. Across the centuries, as it has surrendered itself to the sun, a residue of potash has built up and remains along its shores. Potash is a different form of life than the water in which fish can live, and is a main ingredient of fertilizer. Engineers have estimated that if the potash around the Dead Sea could be mined and distributed, there would be enough to fertilize the whole surface of the earth for at least five years. The point is, life never comes to a complete dead end. When no outlet is open except surrender to the sky in helplessness, even this response is not without its positive residue, for out of it can come the miracle of new life.

A friend told me about this song after my post this morning. I prefer it sung by Garth Brooks (who she knew it as) but I wanted a version with the music and the lyrics.

I don't take the word "chance" in the same sense as "luck" but rather referring to my knowledge and/or ability to control. I don't think our lives are left to chance. I'm not quite sure of the nitty-gritties of my theology on it anymore but I do still believe that God is in control of our lives--however that plays out, whether He directs all events or allows and uses them.

At any rate, it's a beautiful song and it's true. If we could see the future, often we would probably change it, but what else would we rob ourselves of in the meantime?