Someone Will Buy This...A Collection of Strange and Stupid Products

Pooping...you're doing it wrong.

2013-06-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

And here, I thought the biggest advance in the flush toilet was the elongated seat.

Words With Friends

2012-10-23T19:38:00.001-07:00

The "All New" Hasbro Words With Friends board game...

Or you know, as our grandparents called it...

(or, you know, anyone over the age of 18)

SCRABBLE.

Instant Arm Lift

2012-10-18T13:04:00.001-07:00

Sagging jiggly arms?

Embarrassed to wear the season's hottest short sleeved fashions?

No problem! Instant arm lift to the rescue!

Or, you could just wrap your arms in Beiber Duck Tape. It'd only be slightly more noticeable, and will probably remove unsightly arm hair at the same time! It's a two for one Win-Win.

Bieber Duck Tape

2012-10-15T08:21:00.001-07:00

Look at the bright side, you could use it to seal up blow holes. Could be cathartic.

The Look Dogs Crave

2012-10-04T10:52:00.001-07:00

Somehow, I doubt that very much.

Noodles?

2011-12-01T07:38:00.001-08:00

Maybe I just don't know enough about golf for this to make sense, but 'noodle, long and soft' seems questionable to me. Just sayin'.

It's Fooball Season!

2011-09-14T10:10:00.001-07:00

And I'm a fan.

I like both college and the NFL - and I'm very devoted to my teams. For college ball, I'm a Cougar Fan. BYU most specifically - and not just because I'm LDS (Mormon) or even because my husband got his degree from there...But have you seen the quarterbacks that have come from there??? Serious eye candy in their prime. BYU produces some great looking athletes.

Steve Young. Jim McMahon. Ty Detmer.

Ahem.

Sorry.

Back to work.

Now, my NFL team is the Chicago Bears. This is something I inherited from my dad...I guess you could say we were born this way.

*insert Gaga Sound track here...*

So - when it comes to football season, I get all giddy and excited and I start searching for the ultimate fan accessory that I might not yet have in my possession.

You know like these:

Spirit fingerz...because every fan is in the stands with their "JazzHands..." ...Yeaaaahhhh.... (in a drawn out jazzy sultry tone...)

or this:

Because no night out on the town is complete without your bedazzled rhinestone football purse. Look, I'm a pretty girlee girly girl, but a bedazzled football purse? That's just asking for trouble. And please don't make your husband hold this one while you go into the bathroom. Who knows what would happen...

I'm not even really sure what that is. Pretty sure it'd get stolen off of my front porch though.

However...

I am actually pretty sure I can't live without this...

'cuz it'd be awesome to make a grilled cheesehead sandwich.

Justin Bieber...Nail Polish

2011-09-13T09:53:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I know all about the Biebster...I have two tweenage girls after all. I also understand that celebrities tend to brand every day items as "their own" to capitalize on their fame and to gain more fortune... examples of this:

Madden NFL games (You see, he's a football star, and he branded a football game. Makes perfect sense.)

Wolfgang Puck Cookware. (An amazing chef who has branded his own line of cookware...)

Michael Jordan Cologne. (Because we all want to smell like a sweaty athlete...)

And now, introducing the most recently celebrity branded product, sure to make perfect sense in the minds of millions of Americans...

Justin Bieber Nail polish.

Because he's pretty and looks like a girl?

We'll go with that.

Swallowable Parfume

2011-09-09T11:31:00.001-07:00

I've been on hiatus for a while -- and I've been telling myself it was going to take something truly special to get me back in the swing of things...

This. Is. Definitely. Special.

Little pills that make you emanate odors that are uniquely your own.

Other things that you can ingest that will help you emanate odors uniquely your own?

Beans. Broccoli. Garlic. Mouthwash.

The basics.

Hello friends, it's good to be back.

Fabulous Finds Friday - Shark Portable Steam Pocket

2011-06-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever cleaned your bathroom with a black light that is rated to see germs and bodily fluids? If not, I actually do not recommend it. You will find that what you think is a clean bathroom actually - - -well, is not. It's icky. Okay, well at least mine was. Of course we are talking about the bathroom that my five children share - one of which is a 6 year old boy, but I digress.

I took these pictures for your shock and enjoyment. (and much to my mother's utter disbelief and embarrassment - sorry mom.)

Yea, gross, right?

The thing is, this is AFTER I used a certain name brand spray cleaner to clean it up.

That's right, I said AFTER. Apparently all it did was streak the icky mess downward.

So, I decided to heat things up a bit, and pulled out my Shark Steam Pocket. I bought this thing not too long after my first steam cleaner machine pooped out on me. Probably because I rarely used it, and it sat dormant for a while - I know - bad me. Anyway - I filled it up and with some bursts of steam and a clean wash cloth (dry to wipe down with afterward...) this is the result...

Pretty stinkin' amazing right? And all of this with just WATER. My bathroom smells fresh and clean, my toilet passes the black light test, and I did it all without harsh chemicals or fumes. Anyway, I love my Shark Portable Steam Pocket. It also does this to my kitchen, my carpet, and my walls and baseboards. Clean and fresh like a daisy...the whole house.

Four words. Happy Hot Dog Man

2011-06-16T11:11:00.001-07:00

Okay so I totally stole the title of this post from my friend Kim. Yep, outright theft. But it's okay, because you see - she still loves me.

What is the "Happy Hot Dog Man?" - I thought it was a part of the set of weenie roasters I posted here. Turns out I'm wrong.

Turns out I'm not even in the same ballpark. Still not sure what it is? Here are the tag lines from the commercial...

"The Happy Hot Dog Man makes a Happy Imprint on your Hot Dog."

um, what?

"Just boil him in water to start the fun!"

Because I always consider boiling water the precursor to anything fun.

"Safe for kids"

Boiling water and sharp plastic knives. Um kay.

"Take your family's food from boring to scoring!"

I dare the next Master Chef participant to use this one on Ramsey. Double Dog Dare.

"Make your meal a weiner."

Totally my personal favorite.

Yay! Happy Hot Dog Man!

Commercials that Shouldn't - HP Printer Baby

2011-06-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

I don't even know if I found this one cute at first - of course the hundreds of hours of play time it got in it's first week could be the reason for that. But that's not why I posted it here today...Did you know this video caused an outpouring of support for child actors and child labor laws? Seems there were a whole bunch of people upset that the baby was being dragged through the desert in a walker against their will.

Somebody - SAVE THE CHILDREN!
(before they grow up to be weird people that don't understand green screen technology and would believe that a production company would actually drag a baby though miles and miles of road and dirt just for a commercial...)

Don't believe me? Read the comments on the youtube site where this was posted. An exec from HP actually had to post this statement:

Some facts are needed. I was involved with the production. The commercial was done on green screen. There are very strict rules for child actors to protect their safety, comfort and protect their financial interest. All in compliance.Rules are very strict about how long the child can actually be on camera which is why triplets were used and not one child. This is to ensure the kids were given breaks and their well being came first. Enough with the? abuse. Children were safe. Period.

Sheesh.

No actual children were harmed in the writing of this post. While I do not use green screen technology in my work, I do always keep the health and welfare of the children first. My children are always safe and protected and free from harm. Why? Because I use one of these... http://www.someonewillbuythis.com/2010/02/baby-keeper.html

Thank you.

Pork Barrel BBQ

2011-06-14T12:32:00.001-07:00

I got an email from my husband this morning. The subject line was: FW:Father's Day. The preview said 'For those of you looking for that perfect father?s day gift idea.'

I thought, sure - I never know what to get him. Perhaps he's sending me a hint as to what to get this year...

Maybe not.

Discover Que, the intriguing new fragrance from Pork Barrel BBQ. An intoxicating bouquet of spices, smoke, meat, and sweet summer sweat.

Que. A tantalizing fragrance that attracts the opposite sex, giving them whiplash as you saunter by.

mmmm....intoxicating Summer Sweat.

I don't know that I've ever heard it quite put that way.

Pair it with the Lobster Cologne and I guess we can have Surf and Turf?

Pajama Jeans

2011-06-13T09:50:00.001-07:00

I like to wear comfy clothes as much as the next girl.

I even have tried to get away with wearing my pajamas in public...but only when going to Wal-Mart...that seems to be the uniform there (if you know what I mean).

Typically I wouldn't mock a product that allows me to look like I'm dressed appropriately, but am in secret wearing pajamas...

However - I've been paying close attention to their advertising...

"The mock pocket and contrast stitching makes them look like real designer jeans"
*Of course it does, the kind my mom used to buy me at the outlet store for three dollars a pair...because they were slightly irregular and one leg was longer than the other...*

"Pajama jeans fit virtually every figure - from petite to Plus size!!"
*ummmm, kay, I've not seen anything made out of spandex blend that fit EVERY figure. Just sayin'*

"The fashion sensation that fits EVERY Figure PERFECTLY"
*again, not so sure about that. These people have seen the website www.peopleofwalmart.com right?*

"Fits like a sexy second skin"
*uh, yea, I don't think skin tight denim on me is sexy. Nor is skin tight denim/spandex/cotton blend with contrasting stitching and rivets. Also, I'm pretty sure we already covered this.*

"It's a struggle to fit into ordinary jeans, they are uncomfortable and leave marks on your skin!"
*I honestly have nothing to say to this. Speechless I tell you, purely speechless.*

"purchase for 39.95 and we'll send you this grey crew neck t-shirt, absolutely free"
*wait, what? A free shirt? Nobody told me there was free stuff involved...well OKAY! Look honey, I got a free shirt and it only cost me 40 dollars plus shipping! Awesome.*

I suppose these are a step up from wearing actual pajamas in public. However, I'm kind of partial to my Chilly Willy Thermals, and I think I'd still rather wear those to wal-mart than these. At least the world knows I'm not fooling anyone. Besides, the thermals make it a little easier to get away with wearing my slippers in public as actual shoes - oh, and also I can refuse to do my hair too. It's win win.

Fabulous Finds Friday - Sally Hansen Real Nail Polish Strips

2011-06-10T14:26:00.001-07:00

We are going to try something a little different today for our Fabulous Finds post...You get to see me on VIDEO! (and my lovely assistant Elizabeth...the cutest little helper EVER.)

Also - I didn't choose this because I'm prissy and like to have my nails done. I chose this because It makes me feel pretty when I have my nails done. It's totally different. Trust me.

Yes, I'm aware of the faces she's making, and I think it's totally hilarious. Silly Girl.

Here is the gorgeous picture of my toes...pink with sparkles. Awww perrrtttyyy...

Wow...those are some, um...ginormous toes.

Ahem...

And now that you've seen the video - oohed and aaahhhhed at the toes...here are the rules for the GIVEAWAY! We will be giving away One package of these to TWO different winners. The first winner will be chosen at RANDOM from the below entries. This winner will be chosen next FRIDAY, June 17th, 2011 and will be announced on the blog and the facebook page. Here are the ways you can enter:

1) You can comment on this post...if you won some of these, where would you wear them?

2) Like our page at www.Facebook.com/Someonewillbuyit (if you haven't already)

3) Send friends to our page on FB and tell them to LIKE it. Make sure they tell me that you directed them there, or I won't be able to give you the extra entry credit! (they can either tag you in the post, or simply say "Jane D sent me!")

It's that easy...

Now, for the second set. I'm going to need user participation on this one.

1) LIKE our page on facebook (if you haven't already). www.facebook.com/someonewillbuyit.

2) Post a picture of your own self manicure disasters, or a picture of your nails that you feel NEED manicured, along with a reason why you feel you are the most deserving or needful of these super duper polish strips. Get creative if you want, tell a story...whatever you wish.

3) The picture that receives the most LIKES by June 17th, 2011(votes) will win the second set of Salon Effects.

Ready, set ...

GO!

(and just so there is no confusion - "like"ing this post here does not enter you...
you need to go to www.facebook.com/someonewillbuyit
and "like" that page.
If you are already a fan...you are already entered! Now, Send your friends!)

SO much for imagination

2011-05-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

Are kids these days really so devoid of imagination that a good felt tip pen can't create a memory anymore?

Really, a hand drawn eyeball on your hand doesn't create hours of fun and puppet play anymore?

Honestly, where's the imagination these days? When I was a kid, I could have totally dreamt these up with a ball point pen and a flashlight. Possibly some bubble gum and a paperclip too - er, no, wait, that was MacGuyver. Sorry - wrong memory.

Either way - kids are just not as creative on their own as we were as kids. Honestly, when I was little I had a stick and some string and I was entertained for hours. No - wait, that was my cat...or Huckleberry Finn...either way, wrong memory again my apologies.

I guess I really did have a deprived childhood. But still - it is a sad world we live in when kids can't just enjoy a hand drawn face on someone's hand while it makes animal noises...wait...nevermind.

Commercials that Shouldn't - Vintage Ads

2011-05-25T09:28:00.001-07:00

There are a ton of ads that run daily that deserve a mention - but - - - bad ads started somewhere. Let's take a look at some of the ads that plagued us as children - the ones that will stay with us forever, no matter how hard we try to forget.

Head On ... a company that is so successful they could only produce a 10 second commercial and then played it in a loop in order to fill the 30 second spot..."apply directly to the forehead" ... that is after you bang it into the wall repeatedly after seeing this commercial ninety times while watching daytime television (which also may be causing you to bang your head against the wall - depending on the channel.)

Who can forget this one? Seriously - who can??? I think it's still playing. I wonder if this ad would hold up as evidence if I actually did return my tire that way...they did ask me to, right?

Of course if I didn't put this one in a post about annoying vintage commercials - I'd probably lose my blogger license. Really, they'd create one and then take it away because I didn't include the "Where's the Beef" lady. On a side note - whenever I eat at any fast food restaurant I still wonder if that question has been answered...

Last but not least...this little bit of awesomeness. I'm confused isn't Hawaiian Punch a kids drink??? What are they selling here anyway?

Oh and bonus points for the commenter that names the celebrity endorsements...

Please don't forget to join us on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/someonewillbuyit . . . hilarity and fun ensues there...I promise. Plus, the occasional free give away. But don't just come for the free stuff, come for the fun too. It's like marrying rich - and cute.

The Snuggie Goes Camping

2011-05-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

Remember how we used to laugh at the Snuggie - the blanket with sleeves - and think "why didn't I think about selling backwards bath robes to poor unsuspecting individuals and earn lots of money while doing it?" Oh and we also thought "who on earth would buy that?" (because that is why you are here, after all)

Well now take a look - it's not a blanket with sleeves, it's a sleeping bag with legs.

Or if you aren't comfortable with a sleeping bag with legs - and you prefer your own footwear - (who doesn't, really. I mean I don't like bowling alley's for a reason...)

I'll give it this - it is slightly more manly than the Snuggie for Men.

Only slightly though. This one doesn't come in camouflage after all.

Loo Read

2011-05-23T13:47:00.001-07:00

I know we've covered this a few times. As a mother of five, I rarely get time alone. I do retreat from time to time to the household throne room, close and lock the door and just bask in the quiet solitude.

(of course I only do this in the Master bedroom throne room - the others in the house aren't quite as relaxing if you get my drift...or if you were to get a whiff...same diff...hey I'm a poet! Look ma, I can RHYME! on second thought, maybe a little free time outside of the throne room would be a good idea.)

According to the manufacturer - it's perfect for the tabloid sized newspapers - (because this is created in the UK an tabloid is the name for an actual newspaper - with real news and stuff, not just pictures of the latest mars invasion) But larger newspapers will work well too with minimal overhang.

Because the last thing you want in the bathroom is overhang.

Commercials That Shouldn't - Axe Body Spray

2011-05-18T10:30:00.001-07:00

I admit it, the first time I saw an Axe commercial I thought it was clever.

Okay - that could have been while I was ill or sleep deprived or both.

(definitely both)

These new ones though - Bom Chicka Wah wah...

Definitely a Channel changer...

OSAMA's Dead Flask

2011-05-17T09:40:00.001-07:00

A navy seal walks into a bar and orders an "Osama Bin Laden." The bartender looks at him quizzically and asks, "what's in that?" The seal replies..."Two shots and a splash of water."

Can I get a rimshot here?

*ba dump bum*

Thank you, thank you folks, I'll be here all day!!! Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

And now some words from our sponsor - OSAMADEADFLASKS.com.

Yea, no words...just pictures.

Maybe a few words...Okay, I see why you'd want to commemorate that day. Being that I don't drink any alcohol - do you suppose it'd be okay to put Koolaid in there?

Holds five shots, so you can say that you got your five shots in on Osama...

Do you think red koolaid would be appropriate?

Thank you Jarred of OsamaDeadFlasks.com for contacting me about your product. I honestly can't wait to get the samples in the mail - and I'm going to have to come up with a very interesting giveaway for them. A simple drawing doesn't do a product like this justice.

Denim and G-Strings

2011-05-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

And now I've seen it all in the world of fashion.

The thing is, either I'm old or I'm completely out of touch with fashion these days because I honestly don't see the appeal to the average woman when it comes to these jeans. The average man...now I see where he'd enjoy seeing these worn...but the average woman?

Of course, I have a daughter that wears high tops with shorts (as do the majority of her friends) and another daughter who swears pink ruffles are all the rage in the third grade...so maybe I'm not the one to ask when it comes to fashionable things...I get my advice from a 12 and 9 year old. (Neither of which, by the way, would ever leave my home in these...not while I was still blessed with the gift of sight anyway). You see - we have two rules in our house - your clothes have to be clean before you leave the house, and you cannot own anything that could possibly be mistaken for Snooki's wardrobe.

Sorry folks, if you want these, you're going to have to make them yourself or goto Korea or Japan. They haven't quite made it to US retailers yet...I'm still flabbergasted as to why the buyers for Bloomies haven't jumped on these yet....

Fabulous Finds Friday - Jimmie Chesh

2011-05-13T13:12:00.001-07:00

Hello Someonewillbuythis readers...Meet Jimmie Chesh. Jimmie Chesh - meet the Someonewillbuythis readers...

JimmieChesh is a musician - he plays the guitar, he sings, he dances - he's overall amazing.

(Okay, I lied about the dancing.)

But, he is amazing.

And he's today's Fabulous find.

Why? Two reasons:

1) His music is real, it's sensitive, it's down to earth. There isn't a single song I've found so far of his that makes me want to change the track. In fact, it's the opposite. I turn it up. Waaaaay up.

2) He released five new songs today - and they are all free to download as MP3 files.

What's better than great music?

Great FREE music.

The five songs released today are all acoustic. Just Jimmie and his Guitar. He's got one of those voices that just makes you want to sit and listen. A major influence is John Mayer ... let's all pause for a moment and appreciate that artist as well ... okay, moving on... And, as a person - he's also genuine. I've gotten the extreme pleasure of getting to know Jimmie - and that makes me like his music even more.

So - visit him on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/jimmiechesh or at his website www.jimmiechesh.com and get to know him and his music. He loves to interact with his fans/friends so send a shout out to him if you stop by. And you know how hard it can be for a starving artist - so share him with your friends. He won't mind. (Sorry though girls, he's married.)

You can get Jimmie's free download by going to his website and registering or by becoming a fan on facebook. In both cases, it's on the "music" page - and you can listen before you download, and then listen again, and again, and again....you get the picture.

Commercials that Shouldn't - Ranjit and Chad...

2011-05-13T11:41:00.003-07:00

Pretty much anything by Metro PCS' team of Ranjit and Chad qualifies as one of the most annoying tv spots in the universe. But here are a few of the "Favorites" submitted by some of our readers who apparently live in a TV market that play these often.

On a side note - Today I'd like to express just how grateful I am for my DVR. So very, very grateful.

Sky Rest Travel Pillow

2011-05-13T11:41:00.001-07:00

I've not been sleeping very well lately.

Could be the cold I've had.

Could be that it's coming up on our spring carnival at school (which I'm in charge of ) and nothing is ready.

Could be stress over the recent flood and subsequent deconstruction of my laundry room...

Could be a lot of things.

Anyway, I am not sleeping well.

Normally it isn't too bad - unless any combination of the above comes into play - or if I'm on an airplane.

I hate sleeping on airplanes.

I actually hate flying altogether.

Maybe - to help me on both fronts then, sleeping and flying, I need to get me one of these:

Yep, this is the answer to all my woes. Until the guy in front of you reclines his seat, and the kid behind you starts kicking yours and the flight attendants try to bring your drink - and then there is the whole pesky, "seat backs and traytables in the fully upright and locked position."

Plus, it just makes you look like a dork.