smeyer, really?

Taylor Lautner Works Out on Set, No One Knows Why This Was Important

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:13:00 +0000

Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob Black, was taped working out on set for three minutes and 14 seconds. Was this interesting? No. I'm beginning to think the cast of Twilight isn't expected to be very entertaining.

OOHHH, OKAY! The movie makes sense now.

Source: Lainey Gossip

If this is heaven, I don't wanna go.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:23:00 +0000

There's this girl making manipulations of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. Apparently they're manips of him in heaven, but they make me feel like I'm in a special circle of hell.

LET ME TRANSLATE FOR YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 01:46:00 +0000

Members of LiveJournal community french_twilight are disappointed, horrified, disgusted and terrorized by the love the lion_lamb moderators and friends feel for Michael Angarano, Kristen Stewart's boyfriend. She obviously belongs with Robert Pattinson, despite that she's factually with someone else, so appreciating Angarano's work and creating a site for him is the equivalent to Twilight blasphemy. How dare they?

Poor Mike. He never hurt anybody.

Source: french_twilight

FANFIC AUTHOR TO PUBLISH FANFIC, O OK

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:16:00 +0000

Lady Sybilla, some Twilight fanfic author doing everything she can to be noticed, is going to publish a fifth Twilight book. Apparently it's about Jacob, Renesmee, and blah blah blah whatever.

The points are:
1.) it's illegal,
2.) because of copyright issues (har har), the preview chapter was taken down from YouTube.com, and let me tell you, it was the purplest, most awful prose I have ever had the misfortune to hear, and
3.) IT'S ILLEGAL.

Just sayin'.

Source: russet-noon.com

NON-ISSUE.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:32:00 +0000

Gossip blogs and magazines are reporting Zac and Rob are fighting over who's ~~prettier~~ better. I do not know why this is an issue, to be quite honest.

Source: Lainey Gossip, my own ads?

Why, Why, Why?

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:54:00 +0000

A Twimom posted this secret to fandomsecrets. I think the secret speaks for itself, but if you can't figure it out, allow me:

Someone hide Taylor Lautner. Quick!

Source: fandomsecrets

Oh.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:51:00 +0000

There's a... Robert Pattinson doll now?

Oh no. I won't say what I'm thinking, but it has to do with Twimoms and a freezer.

Source: inquisitir.com

Fans Jizz in Their Pants

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:38:00 +0000

Some fans were stalking Robert Pattinson on the New Moon set. They were also jizzing in their pants. They love that.

Source: youtube.com

All Compasses Point to Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:10:00 +0000

So, a member at the Twilight Sucks message board posted a story about a crazed fan dousing a Twilight non-lover with acid, and then attacking him with a compass.

Suddenly in a fit of rage, she picked up a beaker full of acid, and screamed 'You bastard twilight hater!!!' and threw the whole beaker of acid in my friends face. He screamed, and tried to get away, however the girl, obviously not contempt with ruining his face, got a compass out and proceeded to stab him several times with the compass. I was in a state of shock, but somehow I managed to gain enough sense to be able to knock the compass out of her hand, and tackle her to the ground. she was kicking and screaming and clawing.

I think I've heard this one before. No, I actually think I have heard this one before. I also don't think it's true.

But I wouldn't put it past certain fans...

Source: Twilight Sucks

Twilight Worshiped, Apocalypse Near

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:42:00 +0000

I suppose we all should have seen that the fanatical cult that is Twilight would eventually have become... well, a fanatical cult.

Pillow Biters, a Twilight blog, has created a stir over the message board Twilight Academy when she blogged about their religion class.

...their religion class that reads Twilight like the Bible and sees the characters as for-real gods. Oh, and they also call themselves "Cullenists."

Edward is the god of protection, chivalry and game.
Bella is the god of Insecurities, Closure and beginnings
Carlisle is the god of health and prosperity.
Esme is the god of care and compassion.
Jasper is the god of war, stradegy and educational pursuit.
Alice is the god of fashion, fun and love.
Emmett is the god of strength, friendliness and happiness.
Rosalie is the god of beauty and grace.

I want to believe this is all a bad joke, just like Pillow Biters, but then I saw Twilight Academy's most recent update on their homepage. They called the dissenters of the religion class "a bunch of rude, ignorant, incorrigibly disgusting bashers."

So... I'm betting it's not a joke. Sigh.

Source: Pillow Biters, Twilight Examiner

Where's the Love?

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:18:00 +0000

“I’m not a huge Rob Pattinson fan,” she confessed, adding, “Girls aren’t really in love with Rob; they’re in love with Edward.”

Thanks for making a valid point, Miley. (For once.) Clearly you do not know Twilight fans, however. And that is why you are currently on their shit list.

You see, when you are "not a huge Robert Pattinson fan," that means you hate him. And when you generalize Robert Pattinson and Edward Cullen fans, that means you are a bitch who deserves to die.

No, I'm not lying. See for yourself.

Source: lion_lamb

Awkward...

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:37:00 +0000

For the DVD release of Twilight, actors and special guests showed up at random release parties.

From ONTD:
2,500 fans attended in Salt Lake City to see Rachelle Lefevre who plays Victoria; 2,000 showed up in Los Angeles to see Ashley Greene who plays Alice Cullen; over 1,000 fans came out to see director Catherine Hardwicke in Dallas; 700 fans lined up in New York for Edi Gathegi who plays Laurent; and 500 fans in Chicago saw Nikki Reed who plays Rosalie Hale.

A member at lion_lamb commented that she heard half the people in Chicago left when they found out their special guest was Nikki Reed.

And I thought people hated Kristen Stewart.

Source: ontd, lion_lamb

Walking Talking Advertisements AKA Twilight Fans

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:51:00 +0000

A fan posted at lion_lamb some new merch she found at Hot Topic.

Now Edward Cullen can stare at you whenever you check the time, and you can be hip and show the world you support a fictional character with your shoelaces.

Okay really now, you guys. Really?

Source: lion_lamb

DOUBTFUL

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:49:00 +0000

Star spies claim Kristen has been belly-aching to anyone who will listen about the all of the attention Robert receives almost effortlessly, while she on the other hand can barely squeak through her interviews on late night TV.

Just another shovelful in the big pile of "Kristen Stewart is a bitch" crap.

Source: popcrunch.com

It's too late to apologize, it's too laaaaate.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:39:00 +0000

Dan Levy apologized for calling Kristen Stewart a bitch, after he told her to essentially grow up for not answering a question about Robert Pattinson because he pays her bills.

I guess MTV pays his bills.

Source: youtube

The First Sign of the Apocalypse? (Probably Not.)

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:22:00 +0000

Twilight was released today and sold ~3,000,000 DVD copies in less than 24 hours. I went to Target today to buy my own copy (you can judge me, I don't care), and they were sold out.

I took a good hard look around the media section at the many faces of despondent teenage girls in Twilight t-shirts and thought, "Is this what the world's come to?"

Source: ONTD

Hopelessly Devoted to the Point of Discomfort

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:54:00 +0000

The List of People Twilighters Hate for Pretty Much No Reason at all Besides They Did Something or Said Something Bad to Robert Pattinson
1.) Ryan Seacrest, for saying Rob wasn't as good-looking as Kellan Lutz and never having anything nice to say about him. How dare he have an opinion.
2.) Russell Brand, for cutting him off at last year's really sucky VMA's. When told fans were furious at Brand, Robert Pattinson replied, "Good." It's why we love him, for putting up with that shit.
3.) Kristen Stewart. Mostly just for her face, though. And she got to suck Robert's.
4.) Nikki Reed, because she thinks she know oh-so-much about him. They're BFFs. Nobody knows Rob ~like she does~.
5.) Anybody that looks at him the wrong way.

Source: lion_lamb, MTV.com, ibtimes.com

Riots confimed.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:53:00 +0000

...well, not really--but Amazon.com thinks fighting's a possibility!

A fan just got this in her inbox:

Hello from Amazon.com,

Thank you for buying 'Twilight' on DVD from Amazon.com. We're writing with some important news about the release date.

Summit Entertainment, the studio producing 'Twilight' on DVD, will release it on Saturday March 21. Saturday delivery for your Amazon.com orders isn't guaranteed, but we're working to deliver your DVD as soon as possible after the Saturday release date.

We understand how important it is for fellow Twi-hards to watch and enjoy 'Twilight' on release day, so we've decided to make it happen. Amazon will provide--at no cost to you--a free 24-hour digital rental through Amazon Video On Demand that you can activate on March 21st. (No fighting the crowds or waiting in line at the store.)

Your promotional code and instructions will arrive in your inbox within hours of midnight EST on March 21st, and you can break dawn with 'Twilight' instantly. It's our way of saying thanks for your business.

Sincerely,

Customer Service
Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/

You know fandom is pretty bad when fighting at release parties is something to be expected.

Source: lion_lamb

It'll be a mad house.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:40:00 +0000

Some of the Twilight actors/special guests are going to be visiting select DVD parties tonight... and somebody made the mistake of announcing where. Can you say "riots waiting to happen?"

Source: ONTD

ALL I HEAR IS WHINEWHINEWHINEWHINE.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 22:10:00 +0000

The big deal with the Twilight fandom today is that they all hate Kristen Stewart, essentially because of her face.

No, really, it's because of her face.

It all started when Dan Levy from one of Canada's MTV affiliates called Kristen Stewart a "bitch" because she made a face--apparently a bitchy one--and didn't answer a question about kissing Robert Pattinson.

See and judge--or don't, please--for yourself:

So, she's made some comments here and there (and issued a clarification afterward) about the insanity of the fandom (I didn't really blame her for those...), but I think the truth of the matter is simple:

Source: youtube.com

FLITTERING IS THE NEW DAZZLING.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:05:00 +0000

Ashley Greene who plays Alice Cullen talked to 4tnz!.com about Rob's screentime in New Moon:

Of course they threw Rob in there! He comes in as a flittering image to tell Bella not to do anything reckless and then you have him at the very beginning at school, at the party when he’s saying goodbye to her and the flittering images and in Italy as well, so they’ll get their fix.

We're being told the special effects are going to be better in the second movie, but I can't help but wonder if Edward's going to be "flittering" in and out like Samara in The Ring, because that would be freaky and cool.

Also sad because then Bella's imaginary soulmate would be more scary than the actual vampire. It's hard to take someone wearing a fabulous peacoat seriously.

Source: 4tnz.com

Now we know where you live, KStew.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:54:00 +0000

A couple of fans were waiting outside of Kristen Stewart's house for autographs. I'm not sure how any commentary I make will make this more funny than it is creepy.

Source: youtube.com

Sometimes it's not the fans who are clinically insane...

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 02:02:00 +0000

Wonderall.msn.com recently posted "The Jennifer Aniston Match Game" now that her and John Mayer are over, and guess who was on it?

This makes me uncomfortable. How old is she now? At least Desperate Housewives-age. You know what this means?

SHE COULD BE A TWIMOM!

Ew.

Source: wonderwall.msn.com

This looks (photo)shopped.

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:52:00 +0000

It's a video told through oh so good photo manipulations. It documents Edward and Bella's relationship, followed by their creepy love child.

I know I say this a lot, but AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAA. Keep trying harder to be awkward, fandom!

Source: youtube.com

"Edward Cullen is not real and he is not possible." -John Green

noreply@blogger.com (Crystal) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:57:00 +0000

Hank Green of the vlogbrothers posted a song video entitled "I'm Not Edward Cullen." It's a duet about a dissatisfied girlfriend and her non-sparkly boyfriend.

It's sad because no matter how much of a joke it is, it's probably happened.

Source: youtube.com, vlogbrothers