It’s not so much boredom as it is the nagging suspicion that you’re not doing enough but you’re at a complete loss as to what it is you could possibly be doing to further “it”. The amorphous it that is your life. What’s the point? Existential angst is passe. This is something less grand than that. It’s mostly an understated desperation and dissatisfaction.

Everything is dead. When Sonny Boner of U2 says that rock is dead b/c his album isn’t selling then you can be sure that it is the gospel. Wasn’t it Jim Morrison who wrote an unreleased Door’s song called “Rock is Dead” in the late 1960s? Rock music peaked in the mid 1970s and had a small resurgence during 1991-1995.  That’s it folks. The machine called capitalism that promotes and drives cultural trends like art movements has figured out that it doesn’t pay to fund anything less than a sure thing and a sure thing is a teenager b/c they’ll buy anything.  What will get promoted from now on will be only that which can make a profit (not necessarily a bad thing), no make that an instant and guaranteed profit.  I’m not bemoaning this, just reporting the facts as I see them.

Besides, artists don’t need them any longer b/c the technology to record an album just got cheap and easy enough where I can do it and that surely means anyone can do it if they can at least learn a song or two and even if they can’t. Noise will suffice as long as your peers can identify with your whining.  Electric ukulele, xylophone solo – even better if you’re scantily clad.  Just play some old recording and lip sync.  No one will know the difference nor would they care if they did. Also remember to have your face be the only thing in the frame, use a laptop camera. What was once elitism is now simply a cynical disappreciation of the state of things or am I being redundant?

Double Bass

It’s a catch-22.  If you’re a double bassist then you don’t have time to waste on someone who wants to pursue a non-lucrative career as a composer and occasional performer.  You’ve got to live. I’ll put it out there though.  There are others like me. I found myself late and the self I found isn’t even a 100% musician.  More like 60%.  The other 40% of the time I’m burned out and I watch films (and some movies also). I’m simply spent creatively. During the colder months I feel like I’m burning and “It gives a lovely light!” except that I’m not a poet, nor a bisexual woman. Yet, this is the way it is.

I’m in between a novice and professional. I’m not gifted but I’m far above average.  Stuck in between greatness and mediocrity.  Are there others out there? If so, do they like Lars von Trier and Bill Evans?

VIA

VIA

Chuck was sprawled on the pavement and bleeding near his bicycle in a parking lot a few blocks from home. He had gone to a nearby store for candy and gum, an almost daily ritual.

Sad story about someone I actually knew fairly well.  He lived one street over and I spent the night at his house once about a year before this happened. He introduced the song “Bad to the Bone” to me – I had never heard it at that time. He was the super cool kid everybody liked.  A tragic event that happened when we were both in the 7th grade. I hope it will one day be solved but I fear it won’t.

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