The definition of “No Homo” per Urban Dictionary: When uttered in conversation, this phrase makes the speaker sound gayer than if he or she had not said it. Example: No homo but i was just jacking off to some gay porn.

Of course, if you’re reading this blog, the proper turn of phrase for you is “SO homo.” I suppose you could use “no homo” to defuse tension after you, say, blurt out your desire to suck your best friend’s dick after you get a few beers in you, powderpuff. Then again, if you’ve said something faggy enough to require a “no homo”, then you’ve just revealed your true self as SO homo…and you might as well pick up some pink razors on the way home and suck some cock while you’re at it.

When you realize that no amount of shouting “no homo” is going to make people believe that you aren’t as gay as the Fourth of July, give me a call, peaches. No homo, right? No. SO HOMO.

As soon as I saw this video I knew I had to post it for all my pin-dicked under-endowed sissy faggots! Check out the teeny peenies on the guys competing in a Small Dick Contest on the Howard Stern Show in the clip above — I bet some of you girls have smaller clitties than them! And that includes a guy who twisted and injured his dick when he was a teenager and had it removed, leaving just a little dimple above his balls…any of you sissies sporting a dick-dimple rather than a little pimple?

There’s even a guy with real breasts — not fat-guy moobs but real tits, by virtue of suffering gynecomastia (breast enlargement in males) as well as having been gypped by Mother Nature with microscopic man-meat. Poor guy — but for all you bitches, that would be a dream cum true. You’d have no dicklet and big plump titties, and would be perfect for a life of sissyslut-hood…but you’re a sissy anyway, aren’t you, pin-prick? Give me a call and confess your woefully tiny weenie-size soon, sissy!

You can also wish me a Happy Birthday by giving me a gift — pay Tribute via NF Paid Mail, pick something from my Amazon Wishlist, or send an e-gift card via e-mail! Visit my new Sissy Financial Worship page and spoil your Sissy Mistress rotten, darling!

In this episode: Fatty drinks, Fatty jerks, Fatty plays with food…and where exactly
does that meatball go again, Fatty? To find out, click the link!

A note about the meatball pic…Fatty was jerking off into his food, and I watched him as he shoved a meatball into his mouth and then another in between those fat mud-flap asscheeks of his to keep it warm. He was really pounding away, jerking his dicklet for all it was worth (which is zero) and all of a sudden he stopped and asked permission to rest on his belly again — he’s so fat and out of shape (except round, I guess round is a shape) that he gave himself a stitch in his side just from the exertion of jerking off! LMAO!

That’s all for this episode…but you can be certain that Fatty will be back on cam for me soon! He’s been gaining weight and undergoing homosexuality conversion training with me for over a year now, and there’s no turning back for Fatty. He’s hopelessly addicted to eating, to jerking off, to fat men’s cocks…and to me. Back with more Fatty-fun for you soon…

Sissy Kandi camming for Mistress in her prettiest bra, panties, & garter belt

See the rest of Kandi’s pictures!

Sissy Kandi crossing her legs to show off her stockings & slut boots

Sissy Kandi’s cock-hungry ass framed by her sexy garters

Wonder what Kandi has hidden in those panties…a hard little clitty?

NEW ARTICLES: Anal Training With Toys teaches you to train your sissyhole with dildos and buttplugs, while Oral Training With Toys lays out a masturbation training exercise to follow so that you clitty-jerk while you suck a big, fat dildo in order to re-orient your sexual desire toward giving oral service. How To Be A Real Cocksucker, a guest article by my very own sissy sub Miss Fatty, is now on a page of its own, and all you aspiring cocksuckers should read and learn!

NEW FEATURE: ASK SISSYMAKER! All you sluts ask me for help and training advice over and over. Of course, the BEST way to get one-on-one training advice tailored to your sissy situation is to call me for a live session, but for those who can’t or are to shy to speak to a Dominant woman, you can send in your questions to my new advice column! Send your questions to me via e-mail here, and remember to put “ASK SISSYMAKER” in the subject line of your e-mail!

As for my schedule, yes, I hear you all whining for more of me, but for right now my schedule is going to be erratic. Have patience with me, and soon you’ll have as much of Ms. Liz as you can handle…9-inch strap-on included. Talk to you soon, darling sissyfags…

You can now access Niteflirt.com directly, no proxy needed! Bugs still — and will, for a while — remain. Read on for common issues you may experience and how to get through to me for phonesex!

CALL BUTTON STATUS & AVAILABILITY: For now, call buttons that appear on my site only show one state: Available. Even when I’m not logged in. Until the buttons properly reflect my availability, use my Yahoo status indicator as your guide. When I’m available on Yahoo, I’m available on NiteFlirt.

FINDING ME AND MY LISTINGS: I am currently not showing up in the available listings at all, even when I AM logged in! To place a call to me, you can use one of the buttons here on my site or on my blogs, or you can bookmark my NiteFlirt Homepage

WHICH LISTINGS TO CALL: To make myself available for calls, I have to turn each listings’ availability on or off individually. Therefore, right now only my top three listings are turned on when I’m available: my Women Home Alone/BBW listing, my BDSM/Mistresses listing, and my Fetish/Feminization listing. You will need to call one of these listings to reach me when I’m available for calls.

ADDING MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT: You may not be able to add funds to your account via the website. If this happens, you can add money while on the phone, but all calls have to be started via a call button, the 800 line may not work yet. So, to add money to your account when you have none to start a call with, use the free minutes I sent out via your NiteFlirt mail about a week ago. Once you’re on the phone, you can add money and continue your call.

DURING YOUR CALL: I do not have access to my customer notes, which means if you are not a regular caller, I may not remember right away. Even if you are a reg, please be kind enough to remind me if I seem to have trouble at first. I have thousands of callers to remember, and only one me! I’m rebuilding my notes database on my own computer in the meantime, but until I have access to my notes again, please help me remember you and your fantasy! If it takes longer than a minute or two to remind me, I’ll send you some free minutes for being a darling and helping Ms. Liz remember! I may look 25 or so, but my brain is all of my 36 years old and needs a kickstart sometimes.

MY AVAILABILITY SCHEDULE: I will be available from 1PM to 11PM from Monday through Saturday. Keep an eye on my Yahoo status to make sure I’m logged in, and send me an IM to check if you aren’t sure! I’m looking forward to talking to all of my sissies again…I’ve really missed you all!

I’m sure you’re all aware of NiteFlirt’s continued downtime. I know I am, because I miss talking to my regular callers! However, even though the NF tech crew is hard at work to bring the site back up — best estimate is by Friday of next week — you can try calling me via the NiteFlirt beta-test site. Follow the guide below and I can get back to doing what I do best…teasing, pleasing, and dominating my boys and sissies!

• ACCESSING THE BETA SITE: Due to limited bandwidth during testing, some people may not be able to load the site. However, you can access the site using a free online proxy service such as HideMyAss.com. Go to the link and look for the words “Free Proxy.” Enter the address of the NF Beta site (http://beta.niteflirt.com) and click “Hide My Ass!” Once you are at the Beta site, log in as usual with your member name and password.

• FINDING MY LISTINGS: You will need to use the following address to access my NF Homepage with all of my listings: http://beta.niteflirt.com/users/SexyBBWLiz — if you need to use a proxy, just cut and paste the address into the proxy AFTER you have logged in with your member name.

• MAKING A CALL: The 1-800-TO-FLIRT line is unavailable at the moment, as are all of my call buttons. Extensions will NOT work. The call buttons on my listings on the Beta site work, and the ONLY way to arrange a call currently is to click one of my buttons on the test site.

Keep in mind, there WILL be bugs when using the Beta site to make calls. Sometimes calls will not connect, or may be cut off unexpectedly. Some callers may not be able to reload money during a call, and you may have to hang up and try again. However, the payment section of the site is secure, and will work as usual when making calls via the test site and adding money to your account.

I’ll be looking forward to talking again, I’ve missed you! Have you missed me? Show me how much and help me catch up to make up for the last two weeks!

Image Courtesy of GayOnTheRange.com

“He was the dainty darling of the dorm…Mr. Fancy-Panties!”

I knew all my fancy-pantied girlies would just love this vintage gay pulp novel cover! Long before the internet allowed you sissies to find each other (and Dominant Women like me), faggots read these cheap stroke-books to get their gay thrills. So, are YOU a Mr. Fancy-Panties? I know you are! Give me a call and we’ll see what happens when you become the dainty darling of horny homo frat brothers in the college dorms…

If you are a prospective caller who needs to ask me a question or two, feel free to contact me. The same goes for regular callers. If you just want to chit-chat because you’re bored at work — please don’t IM me. I have chronic pain in my shoulders, arms, and hands. Typing is often painful for me. If you take up my energy with chit-chat, I will be in a lot of pain AND will have gotten nothing accomplished to show for that pain.

I don’t mind if you call me Mistress or ask politely about your favorite fetishes — but I do NOT have the time or the energy (see Rule 1) to roleplay a scene with you and get you off for free. Would you expect your mechanic to fix your car for free “just so you could see how you like it”?

I get tired of saying this: if I am logged in and available, you can call me. I hate playing Dom/sub games via text; it just doesn’t work for me. It’s also annoying and PHYSICALLY PAINFUL (see Rule 1) to have to read and reply to a dozen groveling requests a day that read “Oh Mistress, may I please please call you?” Just call.