Simple Father

Some People Will Always Be 4 Years Old

scott — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 04:55:39 +0000

On my commute to work the other day, I realized something. Some people will always be 4 years old. This thought isn’t a new, or particular exciting revelation, however, it finally clicked that some so-called "mature" adults never break the tendencies they had when they were 4 years old.

Some Examples (from Princess P and other kids)

Princess P: “Ugh... I don’t wanna play with Special K, she always bugs me. I’m not playing anymore.”
Crotchety Old Lady Behind Me: “Ugh, do you hear what she’s talking about! And she’s wearing that to work?!? Puuhhleaze!”

Princess P: “Special K!! Get out of my chair! It’s my seat!”
Disgruntled Office Worker: “I have to sit where!? Next to who!? Yeeeah, that’s not going to work for me.”

Other Kids: “Hey, look at this new widget I got today. I bet you don’t have a new widget... do you?”
Toolbox: “Like my new 7 series BWM... it’s pretty sweet. By the way, how’s the ‘93 Ford Festiva holding up?”

Princess P: “Leave me alone!!!” (while kicking and screaming)
Married Couple to Each Other: “Leave me alone!!!” (while slamming doors and shouting)

There are a lot of good ways that adults can act as if they have the innocence of a 4 year old, and in reality, even Princess P has been quite mellow and well behaved. But it seems there’s a lot of negative people floating around, and to them I say... isn’t it about time you turned 5 and went to school. At least then someone else could deal with you for half of the day.

photo courtesy of artysmokes

Disciplining Other People’s Kids, At Your House, With Their Parents Around

scott — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:22:26 +0000

As a parent, uncomfortable situations arise from time to time. For me it’s been anything from Princess P refusing to behave at church, to Special K just being her unruly self and throwing anything she can get her hands on.

Then there are the times when I’m out and about town and see a child throwing a fit, while the parents do nothing... not even contain the situation. Those moments are great for showing your kids how not to act in public.

In the situations above, the players involved are clearly defined, and roles don’t overlap. In the first situation, it’s my job to correct Princess P and contain Special K. In the second situation, I am in an observational role, while the other parent apparently thinks they have no role to play. Everything is black and white.

However, much to my surprise, the uninvolved parent (we’ll call this person Parent X) follows me home and spends the rest of the day hanging out while the kids play. It doesn’t take long before Parent X’s kid (Kid X) doesn’t get his or her way. As a result Kid X calls dear ole Parent X a s#!t a$$.

To my dismay, Parent X rolls with it, doing nothing, while repeatedly being hit and called a s#!t a$$. This is where everything seems to turn a shade of gray. At what point do you become the bouncer and boot them from the exclusive club known as your home? It is your domain, and what you say goes. Or do boot them immediately and not even put up with Parent and Kid X’s behavior? After all, your kid is watching, absorbing the days events like a sponge.

Up to this point Mrs. Simple and I have been more than accommodating, but have the feeling that at some point something has to give. What would you, or what have you, done in this situation?
photo courtesy of crypto

Reversing The Door Locks

scott — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 03:41:15 +0000

There comes a time in a child's life where they know exactly what is expected of them, yet seem unable to be corrected by such things as the naughty chair. The kids are still a bit too young and shouldn’t be expected to sit still for very long.

Around this age, the kids are finally tall enough to reach the door handle and escape from their ~~dungeon~~ room if it is being used as the ‘time out’ spot. So what to do? You could smack their hand, but I don’t want to go down the ‘you hit your kids’ road right now. How about reversing the door locks? That sounds humane!
The Pros

The child is given time to cool down

The parent is given time to cool down and not overreact to the situation by doing something that they may regret

If done consistently, the kid gets the point that their behavior is causing them to be put in their room

It’s easy to do

The Cons

The child might feel abandoned

It could result in door kicking, wall pounding, etc.

If you’re not very handy, it’s not easy to do

I haven’t made up my mind on reversing the door locks yet. I’ve known people who have, and their kids aren’t warped little munchkins. But part of me wonders if this is the best solution. What are your thoughts for handling an unruly kid at a touchy age?
photo courtesy of jekemp

Are All Your Friend's From Somewhere?

scott — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:45:33 +0000

Think back to your childhood. Where were your friends from? Were they from across the street? Across the fence? I would venture to say that they were. Now think about your kids? Where are their friends from? Across the street? Across the fence? If your family is anything like mine I imagine your answer would be no.

It seems these days that kid’s friends (and the parent’s acquaintances) are always “from somewhere...” from dance, from soccer, from gymnastics, from tennis... you name it. But is this a bad thing? Meeting people from various locations, backgrounds, and status can broaden not only your children’s view of people, but your own.

However, it seems that many people in my generation are longing to have the community of old. The type of community where people know you as more than the guy who checks the mail in nothing but his robe, and can help spy on your kids when you’re away.

I realize that culture and relationships have changed and evolved over time. Neighborhoods and families look different now than in the past. Dinners are eaten in front of the TV, life is nothing bug go go go, and kids hate their parents. I blame the drugs.

Despite my incoherent ramblings above, I do have a point to make. Find your community. Maybe your community isn’t the people in your neighborhood, but rather a close group of friends from the surrounding area. Life is too short to silo your kids (and yourself) by keeping them in their appropriate boxes (school, then dance, then playtime, rinse, repeat). Families need each other, if for nothing else than the sanity of the parents.

Lastly, I know I see things from a limited view, so I’m curious... do you feel that you have a strong community? People you live life with?
photo courtesy of niallkennedy

The Prince Was A Frog

scott — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 02:58:57 +0000

Once upon a summer’s eve (not the feminine spray) a young, very young, prince from a distant land came calling. He spoke of wonders and spectacles that existed in his kingdom. The princess was intrigued, and deemed the arduous journey across the fence a more worthy quest than simply traipsing around her kingdom with her sister.

So off she went. At first the prince showed her the wonders of his kingdom. There was a grand observation deck, a beach, and exquisite treats. All was well, until the queen returned home from her daily duties.

As any queen would do, she started checking on the prince, no doubt asking about the activities of the day. Very quickly the prince had had enough and decided to prove that he was the future lord of the kingdom, and he could do what he wanted. Without hesitation he told the queen to shut her mouth, and that he had listened to enough of her drivel. Before the princesses very eyes, the prince transformed into a frog.

Needless to say the princess was horrified and had the stable-boy immediately prep her horse for the long journey home. When she arrived back at her castle, she explained to the king and queen that the behavior of the prince was despicable. She didn’t have to listen to it, tolerate it, or be in the presence of the prince any longer.

Throughout the kingdom there was much rejoicing. You see, this princess was very stubborn, and she had finally shown, through her actions and ability to judge character, that she would someday be worthy of being queen.
photo courtesy of rainforest_harley

Max Spaniel: Funny Lunch and Firehouse! Giveaway

scott — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 04:18:39 +0000

It’s no secret around the Simple household that I’m not too fond of dogs and cats. Not the animals themselves so much, but the thought of owning them, and spending my days with itchy eyes and a runny nose. I much prefer to read about them in books, which works out well because I was recently able to check out the kids books Max Spaniel: Funny Lunch, and Firehouse!

A little about the books

Funny Lunch is the story of a dog who thinks he is a chef. He and his cat Sous Chef whip up some culinary delights.

Firehouse follows a dog named Edward as he spends a day at a firehouse learning what it takes to be a firefighter.

My impressions of Funny Lunch

Funny lunch is geared toward kids 4-8 years old, and you can tell (in a good way). The pages are filled with short sentences and interesting illustrations. There is also a bit of humor splashed in as max attempts to fill a customer’s order for chili by returning with a scarf.

Overall, the book is decent. Where it either shines or loses it’s luster is definitely the illustrations. The illustrations are top notch, however my angular brain has a bit of a fit with the colored pencil/sketch-like quality.

My Impressions of Firehouse!

Firehouse was more up my alley... perhaps because it’s target audience is children 3 to 6 years old. Or maybe it’s because the big red firetruck on the cover reminds me of my youth. The illustrations are very colorful and well done, and you can’t really go wrong with a dog in a bow tie.

The giveaway

I love giving away books and encouraging young whippersnapper's to read, so up for grabs this week are 3 sets of books. Three lucky winners will get a copy of both Funny Lunch, and Firehouse!

There are two ways to enter. Since I know all the cool kids are tweeting these days, you can @ me @sschuchard. Just mention books, dogs, lunch, or something to let me know you want the books. Or you can leave a comment below. Feel free to up your odds by both tweeting and posting a comment.

The contest will run until 6/23 at 11:59 central time. The winners will be drawn at random on 6/24.

One Of Those Bloggers

scott — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

It's sad but true. I've become one of those bloggers. You know the kind. The kind who start to build up a readership, relationships, find their writing style (sort of), then poof.

Well... I'm back to share two of the lessons I've learned in my time away.

1. Time away from the computer is good.

Since I'm a professional nerd, I spend the majority of my day staring at a screen. While this does wonders for my pasty skin and girlish 'office hands,' if not careful, each pixel on the monitor starts to slowly suck away my soul. The result being that when I arrive at home, the last thing I want to do is power up another soul sucking device and continue my quest toward a repetitive stress injury.

2. The single most important thing for a blogger to have (besides relationships with other bloggers) is a catalog of posts to get through the trying times.

When I started simplefather.com, I knew I needed some posts in my back pocket, but I never imagined how quickly I would burn through my list. Writing on a consistent basis is not an easy thing to do. When you're attempting to post multiple times per week if you don't have at least 15-30 posts in the hopper, a couple bad weeks will wipe you out, as it did with me.

It just so happens that I happened to crash and burn right around my 'blogoversary.' So yay for me! I made it through a year of blogging!

I know the faithful few are still out there (based on the stats), so I thank you, and want to assure you that there is more to come from simplefather.com. After revamping my goals and expectations for the site, I'm ready to go.
photo courtesy of ChicagoMan

Kids Make Everything Better

scott — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 04:16:27 +0000

I feel that at simplefather.com, sometimes I can get too hung up on the crazy, weird things that kids do. Whether that be dealing with the megacolon,or angrily abusing themselves. However, these little tax deductions know just how to melt your heart, and give you a sense of perspective.

Lately, it seems like I've been a bit down about ridiculous things that really don't matter. On one such occasion, the wife and I were discussing some things, and the level of annoyance started to go up (thankfully not at each other). At the time Special K was puttering around, playing with her toys and soaking it all up.

Shortly thereafter, she tottered into her room for a minute, then came running out with a look on her face something like this (minus the snot):

After seeing that face, there was just no way I could maintain my anger level, and was instantly yanked back into the world where the things around you that matter are the people.
photo courtesy of northernkingdom

Disney On Ice, I Wanted To Hate You... Really

scott — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 04:31:47 +0000

Oh Disney On Ice, I really wanted to hate you. You and your over-sized Mickey Mouse costumes, your double axles instead of the quad that everyone is raving about. From the moment I saw your overpriced $14 spinning glow-in-the-dark worthless toys, I was searching for a reason to despise and mock you. But I couldn't do it.

You trotted out a psychedelic version of the brooms from Fantasia, complete with black-lights. Princess P could only describe the sequence as 'creepy' but was unable to say exactly why. Perhaps it was because of the mystical circle of brooms that began spinning faster, and faster, and faster. Or maybe it was the hallucinogenics being pumped through the HVAC system. Maybe it was the Mad Hatter and his gigantic eyebrows doing backfilps, or the weird Troll Doll from Toy Story tottering around.

Then to top it off, out popped the Pumpkin King from The Nightmare Before Christmas, spiderwebs fell from the sky, and all the most notable Disney villains appeared in a glorious display of evil. The show was complete.

It is because I didn't hate you that I hate you. You were supposed to suck. Even when I realized that Alice from Alice in Wonderland was a man it made me chuckle. So to you I can only say... grrrr!
photo courtesy of expressmonorail

Headbangers Ball: An Angry Toddler

scott — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 04:26:44 +0000

Kids all deal with anger a little differently. Some go off and sulk, while others throw tantrums... kicking and screaming for all they're worth.

Well, my wife and I have been dealing with one I haven't seen before. Special K has been dealing with her anger in a disturbing way. When she gets angry, she will find the nearest object to bang her head on. If she's in the middle of the room, she will drop to her knees and begin banging her head on the floor. If she's near a wall, she will run over and start going at it. Our fear is that with each wall on head encounter, the nickname 'Special K' could take on all new meaning.

Her poor forehead has been constantly bruised. One solution we've come up with is making her room into a padded cell. However, I'm not sure where to even begin with that idea. We've also contemplated putting her in a helmet, but then she may become even more destructive.

Have any of you ever seen this behavior? I'm hoping she grows out of it quickly.
photo courtesy of soundtrack of my life