So without further ado: Sh*t Portlanders Say.

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So you’ve reached that special time in your life. And you’re headed to Ignite Portland 10, tonight. Exciting isn’t it? You may be experiencing some funny feelings about Ignite.

That’s okay. That’s natural. We all go through it. And for many of us, it’s been awhile. And we’re feeling a little nervous. Can we still Ignite like we used to?

Rest assured, we want your Ignite experience to be as fun and rewarding as possible. It’s a special time in your life. And you deserve to get the most out of it. So whether this is your 23rd Ignite event or your first, here are some tips and tricks for getting the most out of Ignite Portland 10.

First, the venue info:

Bagdad Theater, 3702 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd. Portland, OR 97214

7:00 – 9:00-ish PM (Doors open at 5:00 PM with Oregon Food Bank donation; 5:45 without)

Admission is always FREE.

Tips and tricks

Here are some “Do”s and “Don’t”s that will help you get the most out of your first, second, third, fourth, or fifth… (well, you get the picture) Ignite Portland experience:

• DO bring your camera, your phone, your sketchpad, or any other way of capturing the event.
• DO tag anything and everything #ip10 and/or igniteportland. That way, everyone can find it.
• DO get there early. Really early. I’m serious. Early. Did I say “Early”? Early.
• DO be prepared to give everyone and anyone your Twitter name. (Don’t use Twitter? Get on it.)
• Now that you’re on Twitter, DO try to tweet about the event and hashtag it #ip10. That way, we can see what you’re saying.
• DO be nice to all the Stumptown Syndicate folks and volunteers. (They’re all volunteers, actually. And they’re doing this in their free time.)
• DO take the chance to introduce yourself to anyone and everyone.
• DON’T forget how hard it is for some of these folks to get on stage.
• Still DON’T be the assholes who were heckling presenters and sponsors that one time. The presenters are taking a nervewracking risk and the sponsors are paying for your ass to be in that seat for free.
• DON’T be a wallflower. Talk to people in line while you’re waiting to get into the venue. Talk to people while you’re waiting in the food line. The Bagdad is a great venue for presenting, but talking to folks at breaks will take some doing.
• DON’T claim to be tired and skip the after party. You’d be amazed at the cool discussions you’ll miss. And of course, the after party is always much better for socializing than standing in the aisles at the Bagdad.
• DON’T have so much fun at the after party that you wander home and submit some crazy Ignite Portland 11 proposal. I mean, that’s why half of those people are up there, tonight.
• DON’T think you’re going to make it? Well DON’T despair! I suggest you DO watch Ignite Portland from the comfort of your Web browser. And if you’re from out of town, you’re more than welcome to tune into Ignite Portland, too. Just visit the Ignite Portland site around showtime.

Luck, luck, break a leg, and luck

Best of luck to tonight’s IP10 presenters:

• Clifton B – What startups can learn from the yo-yo community
• Curtis C. Chen – A Homebrew Cat Feeding Robot
• Amy Dubin – This is Tea!
• Garin Etcheberry – Our obligation to be radical
• Brad Fortier – The Human Brain on Improvised Theater
• Jolie Guillebeau – Why Anyone Can Draw (and Tools to Prove It)
• David V. Horste – Queen Coal Technology
• Willem Larsen – Language Hunting: Let’s Save Endangered Languages Now By All Becoming Instant Polyglots
• Josh Marinacci – The Hogwarts Textbook
• Kevin Murphy – Application of Time Management Principles to Catching an Airplane
• Andrew Nhem -GTFO: Change up where you get stuff done
• Bridget Pilloud – The Sociology of Cute (Or, the Survival of the Adorablest)
• Denise Rothman – My Pet Slug
• Angela Stacklin – How to turn a fairytale romance into reality
• Ember Stevens – How to Impress a Librarian
• Brandt Stickley – Creating Gift Economy in 5 Easy Steps
• Sarah Stricker – Your Memories Are Etched in Jello
• Mary Anne Thygesen – Foreclosure Carols
• Nitya Wakhlu – Graphic Recording: What it is and why you should care
• Ním Wunnan – Presenting on Presenting

NEW! (sort of) Tips for presenters

No no no. I’m not writing new content, silly. I’m recycling recycled content. It’s all thanks to Jeff Hardison, who presented during Ignite Portland 4 and who, as luck would have it, will be presenting, tonight.

Well, there you go, you Ignite attendee you. Enjoy yourself. And revel in what has become a truly Portlandy event.

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Anyway, remember a few weeks about when “Shit [whomever] says” was blowing up as a meme on the Web? Well, in the midst of a meme-fever, it seemed a sure thing that the world needed “Shit Silicon Forest startups say.”

For better or worse, we started the script. But being Portlanders, we fell into the “talk about it but never actually complete it” trap. Call it laziness. Call it “one too many side projects.” Whatever.

Still, the script was pretty good. Maybe. And so we thought you deserved to read it.

Oh and because some of you have bitc… err complained about it before. Fair warning. There’s colorful language ahead.

So here you go:

Shit Silicon Forest Startups Say

Locations: Pie, Teardrop, Barista, Outdoors

Lines:

Whiffies doesn’t sell lemon anymore

I got run over by a tall bike

I think the VC was into us, but we were at Barista so it’s hard to tell

Teardrop. You get funded at Teardrop.

Scott Kveton. You know he can’t touch his shoulders.

Dude. Reed is totally the Stanford of Portland

I totally checked in on Shizzow. Which was Brightkite before Foursquare and Gowalla and shit.

I’m going through Upstart Labs before PIE and then applying to PSF before doing Oregon Angel and Venture NW

I’ve got an angel who’s totally investing as soon as the Jive lockup period expires

@turoczy is such a douche

It’s like an Etsy meets Kickstarter with Urban Airship built on AppFog

Small Society only passed on this project because they got acquired

I heard New Deal’s gin is vegan… and paleo

Sam Adams said my startup is bigger than the tram and streetcar combined

Seriously my new startup? It’s like Jive for Whiiffies meets Urban Airship for Appfog with Puppet on Android for Open Source geeks with big data projects in a coworking space. The Timbers will totally sign on. And Silicon Florist will totally cover it.

This HD app on iPad totally sucks on my iPhone. I blame WalMart

I guess that Android on vending machines in cool. But I really want a Nexus that helps me with beer tap selection.

I’m totally bootstrapping until the utility kilt five finger vibram crowd sees a value in using us for food cart selection.

Thank goodness for identica. How else would I be able to tweet my check in to foursquare on shizzow before +1 my tweet on Google to Facebook on Foursquare…? Fuck. I love open source.

Also? Plurk

Give me a minute on Github. I’m sure we can fix this. Socially.

I think CivicApps can help

Did you post that to Calagator?

I heard Eileen Brady, Jefferson Smith, and Charley Hales all agreed on this one

Portlandia is so… OVER

Really? Sam’s not running for another term?

Is that a double rainbow?

Blogging is the new podcasting.

Isn’t that the Mayor?

Urban Airship will host it.

Puppet will host it.

Blogging is so over.

Is that open source?

I only use open source. Now where the hell is my iPhone?

Did you ride your bike here?

So there you go

You can kind of see it in your head, can’t you? Yeah. And you probably just thought of at least a dozen other phrases. It’s okay. It’s cathartic.

And yes, this was the easy way out. If any of you managed to actually get past the script phase and into production, by all means, we’d love to see that. Because, I mean, we can only rewatch Portlandia so many times.

UPDATE: And someone has. Here’s Sh*t Portlanders Say.

[Editor: Thanks to @camikaos for her extensive contributions to the script]

(Image courtesy Francis Eatherington. Used under Creative Commons.)

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Today, they announced they have added Blitz.io and Iron.io to their service offering, further extending their customers’ ability to deploy and scale apps.

“At AppFog, we’re all about helping developers deploy applications with velocity and grace, and Blitz.io and Iron.io are two great examples of add-on partners who provide our customers with even more nuanced, cost-effective and time-saving developer platforms,” said Lucas Carlson, founder and CEO of AppFog, in a press release. “With these new partners, the AppFog ecosystem continues to establish itself as an industry-leading solution for developers creating innovative cloud applications.”

For more information on the partnerships, see the AppFog press release.

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When it comes to helping startups, the latest incubator to hit the Portland scene—Upstart Labs—is really interesting. Why? Well, because not only do they help with funding, they help with building product.

For more information, visit Upstart Labs, follow @upstartlabs on Twitter, or like Upstart Labs on Facebook.

For more interviews, subscribe to Meet the Startup on YouTube, follow @MeettheStartup or like Meet the Startup on Facebook.

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But are they the leading school?

I know Lewis & Clark has Geoloqi. And OSU and PSU can also lay claim to Urban Airship. But what other Oregon schools have had a helping hand in building the Portland startup scene?

Well, let’s run a little poll to find out. And this is open to more than just founders. Even if you just went to one of these schools briefly. Not graduated, mind you. Just attended. (And yes, you can choose more than one.)

Please chime in. And let’s see which school has the most Portland startup cred.

(Image courtesy Nathanael Shelley. Used under Creative Commons.)

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Well, Reed College is doing their part. They hosted Reed College Start Up Lab this last weekend. And managed to churn out seven new startup ideas. But the big winner wasn’t even in college yet.

Now, Reed might not be the first place you think of when it comes to startup activity, but fact of the matter is that that small liberal arts college has had a huge impact on the Portland startup scene. Just off the top of my head, Urban Airship, Puppet Labs, AppFog, LuckySort, Stayhound, and Rogue Ventures all boast Reedies as founders. And I’m probably missing a bunch.

So what did the weekend produce?

• Arthandlr, an online exchange to match art collectors with emerging high artists;
• Bio-energetics, a solution for converting waste independent brewery grain into methane to power the breweries;
• Blue House Coffee, a for-benefit (think Tom’s Shoes) coffee company that invests in the literacy of its coffee growers;
• Peramod, a modular furniture solution for college students and young mobile urbanites;
• Ha.Lo, home automation starting with the smart outlet/plug. Take control of the power supply in your home to reduce vampire power loss and increase safety;
• Taylor, an innovative, integrated life organizer combing in calendar and task management into a single application to track manage tasks and deliverables in sync with appointments.

But the big winner was Emotitron, an patent-pending algorithm for detecting sentiment analysis in verbal communication—wait for it—created by a couple of guys from Oregon Episcopal School. That’s right. They’re not even in college yet. And they’ve already won a grant from Siemens. Take that, Zuckerberg.

The initial application for Emotitron is “helping autistic kids and adults recognize and interpret emotion real-time using voice recognition technology.” And yes, I’m sure you can think of many more.

All in all, the pitches from the college students were as strong as anything coming out of more traditional Startup Weekends. Which leads me to hope that this won’t just be an annual occurrence.

For more on the weekend, visit Reed College Start Up Lab.

[Full disclosure: I had the privilege of serving as a judge for the final pitches.]
(Image courtesy Paul Lowry. Used under Creative Commons.)

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Academy members get to vote on the movies to determine who wins. But in order to see all of the movies, the Academy members have to get “screeners.” It’s like the Academy member’s own private Netflix of Oscar nominated films. But as with any distributed media, with distribution comes the potential for piracy.

Well, Portland’s Andy Baio has been keeping track of this whole trend. For 10 years. And this year? He’s got some interesting news to reveal: the MPAA seems to be winning.

For the last 10 years, I’ve tracked the online distribution of Oscar-nominated films, going back to 2003. Using a number of sources (see below for methodology), I’ve compiled a massive spreadsheet, now updated to include 310 films.

This year, for the first time, I’m calling it: after three years of declines, the MPAA seems to be winning the battle to stop screener leaks. But why?

Andy provides a whole bunch of interesting detail. So if you’re even remotely curious about the piracy of Oscar films, take a moment to read “Pirating the Oscars 2012: Ten Years of Data.”

Side note: When I worked at Digimarc, this was a project we were tackling. Was it possible to use digital watermarking to track Oscar screeners effectively?

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Well anyway, right on the heels of launching eight new startups into the Portland startup scene, PIE (Portland Incubator Experiment) has announced that they have opened applications for the next class of participants.

The application form is now available on the PIE site. It features many of the standard incubator/accelerator questions about the awesome product you’re building and the dream team you’ve assembled to bring it to fruition. It even asks a few questions about why you think you’re the perfect fit within PIE, itself.

As an added bonus, this time around, PIE is offering you the opportunity to provide a PIE alum, mentor, or investor as a reference for your startup idea.

What’s PIE, you ask?

The Portland Incubator Experiment (PIE) is a partnership among leading brands, technology innovators, and Wieden+Kennedy — the largest privately held advertising and communications company in the world. It serves as a hub for community, entrepreneurship, and creative thinking.

It was also an early home to companies like Urban Airship, Simple, and Appfog. And it helped accelerate companies like Athletepath, Cloudability, DailyPath, MoPix, Revisu, spotsi, Stayhound, and VendScreen. So any one of those folks might be good a good candidate for you to hit up for a reference (hint, hint).

Whatever the case, if you’re currently sitting there, burning the midnight oil, working to make your dream a reality, you owe it to yourself to throw your hat into the ring for the next class of PIE. It could be that push you need to make your startup fantasy into a reality.

Plus, it would make the Portland startup scene just that much more awesome to have you more deeply involved.

So get to applying already.

[Editor: Full disclosure: I work for PIE. But, I'd also like to see your bright and shining entrepreneurial face, day in and day out and in the wee small hours, for three months---especially when it means you're on the path to launching your dream.]

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And that’s why it was great to see the Keiretsu Forum Northwest championing their investment in a couple of Oregon tech startups, 4-tell and CrowdCompass.

“In has been a banner year for Keiretsu Forum Northwest,” said Nathan McDonald, President of Keiretsu Forum Northwest, in a press release. “We are pleased to be steadily growing our membership and due diligence resources to provide vital funding to growing companies.”

Portland Seed Fund alum 4-tell and Portland startup CrowdCompass were among those mentioned in the press release.

Technology companies received 30% of the funding, real estate funds received 38%, consumer/retail received 16%, alternative investment funds received 11% and life sciences the remaining four percent. Keiretsu Forum Northwest now has facilitated over $89 million for 149 companies since founding the first northwest chapter in the fall of 2005. The organization has also seen membership growth with 78 new members added in the northwest chapters during 2011.

For more information, visit Keiretsu Forum Northwest.

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