mp3 of my Sept 1, 2010 appearance on Gab With the Gurus With Connie Bennett: Get motivated, empowered & intrigued by inspiring celebrities, bestselling authors and experts ("gurus") in the fields of social networking, health, fitness, Law of Attraction, personal empowerment, relationships and blogging.
 

You know body language can affect personal relationships, but have you stopped to consider how it and other non-verbal communication can affect your sales results and your relationships with clients? People respond on a primal level to how you say and do things, says Sharon Sayler, author of the new book What Your Body Says,(and how to master the message) so it's important you do things that draw people to you, not push them away.

"I think the number one thing people don't think about in conversations is their breathing. If we're breathing high and very nervous in a situation, people will wonder why. They'll think, 'Are we in danger and nobody has told me? Should I be cautious?' So if we're breathing anxiously or nervously when we first meet someone, they're set up to be on guard."

Listen as Sharon talks about the other big non-verbal mistake people make, gives examples in which negative body language affected business interactions, and outlines how to use non-verbal communication to make people feel good about you and want to do business with you.

Click here to listen to this 20 minute podcast:  Rain Today's Interview with Sharon Sayler

Imagine this scenario: You are up on stage, being introduced, it’s your time, your moment to shine. And in a fleeting moment of panic, you realize, now what do I do with my hands as I stand here listening to this amazing introduction about me? 

	Your forearms waist-high in front of your body, wrists at the same height as the elbows so that the forearms are parallel to the ground. Hands can be gently clasped together or in a downward steeple gesture where fingertips touch, (while it may be tempting to do, avoid playing with rings or bracelets).
	Your arms straight down by your sides. This one is physically the most natural, yet often the most uncomfortable to do. I often hear, “It feels like I’m standing at attention.” It won’t look that way unless you lock your knees. So, loosen up the stance a bit and try the arms down by your sides.
	The combination of one forearm waist-high in front of your body, with the wrist at the same height as the elbow and the other arm down to your side—think weatherperson pose—this is an excellent stance of confidence.

To display self-confidence at all times, pay attention to what you do with those darn hands. Other nonverbal that display self-confidence are good posture. Stand tall. No slouching, not only do you look defeated when slouching, you can't breathe well. Comfortable, natural breathing is a key nonverbal that shows we are confident with who we are. Breathe slowly and deeply. Move with assurance. Watch for any fidgets or nervous gestures, such as twirling rings or playing with your clothes…. Smile, put those hands in one of the three self-confident positions, make good eye contact and shine in your moment.

Learn more about positive gestures of expectation and influence in Sharon Sayler’s latest book What Your Body Says (and how to master the message). 

Excerpts from What Your Body Says (and how to master the message)

“When it comes to inspiring and influencing others, we can say all the right words, but if our nonverbal postures send a different message, that is what others will understand and take away.”

“We often revert to our innate baseline behaviors when we’re under stress, which compromises our ability to communicate effectively. When we are tense, our nonverbals can send confusing signals. That’s when we are more likely to misunderstand other people and lapse into unhelpful patterns of behavior. It often helps to take a break to relax and breathe when managing our own baseline behaviors during stressful periods. It is a highly skilled leader who can maintain learned nonverbal baseline behaviors that reflect self-confidence, even under strained situations.”

Sharon Sayler, MBA, is a Communications Success Strategist who trains professionals on how to become stronger, more influential communicators and leaders. She teaches people how to communicate with confidence and clarity by matching their body language to what their mouth is saying.

Sharon's new book What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) teaches business leaders and communicators how to make their body match what their mouth is saying. www.WhatYourBodySays.com



 

Take a look at this review from B Tripp…

Have a wonderful day whatever your adventure

Sharon

Here's one of those “surprises” that came in from the folks at Wiley (helllooo, FTC). When this first came in, I was thinking “what am I supposed to do with that?”, but because it was relatively short, and I'd hit a snag on another project (you'll hear about that eventually), I decided to slot it into my reading a week or so back. I was very happy that I did!

As long-time readers of my main blog space will recall, I used to be fairly active with my local Toastmasters group (before taking that job in Evanston in 2007). One of the things that seemed to be a challenge to even the most accomplished speakers, though, was body movement, and especially congruent body motions which enhanced your message delivery. Well, Sharon Sayler's What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships (a remarkably bulky title for a book that runs only about 180 pages!) should definitely be on their reading list, as by following her basic set of instructions, most (especially new) speakers would have their presentations greatly improved.

Now, I have to confess that I have not tried practicing or implementing the suggestions in this book, but the general focus and direction of the material seems fairly plausible (I also have no idea how this might run counter or redundant to other “body language” books out there). However, the approach seems both reasonable and not particularly difficult to add to one's repertoire.

While there is quite a lot of material about how to “work a stage” in here, this is by no means a book “about public speaking”, as a lot of it is targeted to small presentations, intimate groups, and even one-on-one situations. The main thrust here is to develop body language habits (primarily in the “what do I do with my hands?” ballpark) that will allow congruent messages in one's physical presence to match what one is saying. I don't know about you, but I am frequently taken aback when I see figures on TV who are clearly giving out two (or more) messages, and being able to avoid that in my own communications sort of hooked me on this book!

As I noted above, this is a fairly thin volume, and a non-negligible amount of that is involved in diagrams, tables, etc. One might think this would be a negative, but in this case it prevents the author from attempting to be “encyclopedic” and creates a fairly tight focus on hand/arm movements, stances, tone and pacing of voice, and a few other key elements. When one is done reading What Your Body Says you will likely feel that you “have a handle on” this basic set of skills, know how to apply them, and are only a bit of practicing away from making their integral to one's communications skill set.

One of the things I found most fascinating here were the issues of timing of gestures, how and why to hold a hand position long, how to disassociate oneself with bad news, how to “change subjects” with motions, and similar practices. Here's a snippet on a related subject:

A verbal message has two parts: the actual spoken word and the silent pause between the segments, sentences, and thoughts. The silent pause allow the speaker to breathe. A silent, gestured pause allows the speaker to breathe and emphasize key parts of the message. Holding a gesture still (keep the same gesture, do not move it) throughout the pause allows the listener's mind to see, feel, interpret, and internalize the message, which adds more impact to the verbal message.

The first part of the book discusses the concept of “signals”, what they are, how they work, why they influence one's audience, etc. This then moves into several chapters on types of gestures, “Gestures of Relationship”, “Gestures of Location”, “Gestures That Teach”, and “Gestures of Expectation and Influence”, each of which is broken down into sub-sections on specific elements of these general areas. She then covers material about the eyes, and the voice, and then how to pull all the various bits together. Again, this is fairly brief and to-the-point, so there's lots of things condensed into this limited space.

This is brand-new (in fact, I just noticed that its official release date is August 2nd), so you should be reasonably successful in finding it at any general-interest local book vendor. Amazon, of course, has it at about 1/3rd off the cover price, which is probably your cheapest option (bizarrely, some of the new/used guys have copies of this already, but many have it priced higher than Amazon does!). If you are a communicator, be it on stage, on video, in meetings, in groups, etc., I suspect that you will find this a very useful book, and if you're in Toastmasters, I think this will likely give your presentations a big jump in effectiveness. Again, it's just me, but I'd not encountered as compact and “easy to implement” guide book on going for body/speech congruency before this, so I'm pretty enthusiastic about it.

http://btripp-books.livejournal.com/97528.html

Here's an interview/review from The Job Stalker of the Chicago Tribune. Enjoy!

Every once in a while I'll be surprised by a book, and this was one of those cases.  This came in from Wiley a couple of weeks back, and my first thought was "Huh?", as this is certainly not a "job search" book per se, nor particularly in my main interest zone.  However, I'd gotten bogged down in another book and was looking for something brief that I could finish in July (I try to read at least 72 non-fiction books per year, which works out to six a month, so there is a sense of urgency sometimes in trying to keep those numbers where they need to be!), and this looked like a good candidate.  

Well, I'm glad that I pushed Sharon Sayler's What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships to the top of the to-be-read pile, as it is a fascinating look at how to get your verbal and non-verbal communications in sync.  As I note in my review, this would have come in very handy when I was active in Toastmasters, as even advanced speakers there still seemed to have problems with their body movement, and this book would be a great help in that context.

Again, this is certainly not a book about the job search, but it teaches skills that would be quite useful in networking and interview contexts.  Needless to say, somebody who has a high degree of congruency in their levels of communication is going to be perceived to be a much more impressive figure, which can only help!  In her answers to the questions below (after the cut), Ms. Sayler provides some specific advice for the job seeker, focusing a few things that are in the book for the interview situation.


Q:  Briefly, what's your background?
 
A:  I have an MBA, and consider myself a Communications Success Strategist.  I teach people how to match their body language to what their mouth is saying. I combine my understanding of communications with a solid business background. I've served as a communication director for several companies and have owned a number of successful businesses. I consider myself a serial entrepreneur and an avid lifelong learner with practical, real-world application of nonverbal communication. Along with being an independent coach and consultant, I'm an associate of Michael Grinder and Associates, one of the foremost authorities on nonverbal communication and group dynamics.


Q:  Have you had notable job-transition experiences?  

A:  Not really notable job-transitions, just many jobs early on as I searched for what I was meant to do.
 

Q:  How did you come to be a communications coach?  

A:  I became a communications coach through the power of a mentor. Mentors are one of the best ways to accelerate your learning. About 13 years ago, I realized I was being misunderstood a lot! When something confuses me I dive right in and learn everything I can about it.  During that study of communications (and miscommunication) I learned the power of our nonverbals. It changed my life, the way others understood what I was saying, and the confidence it created.  After studying for several years, I wanted to share my life-changing knowledge and have had the opportunity to go to work along side my mentor Michael Grinder, a foremost authority on nonverbal communications as a consultant and coach.


Q:  Why did you decide to write a book on business body-language?  

A:  Our non-verbals are the most often overlooked cause of misunderstandings. We all think about the other guy's body language (non-verbals) but rarely our own.

Words are only a small part of communication. The most influential part of communication is your nonverbals. Your nonverbals can actually destroy or produce the results you want, such as inspiring employees to do better work, calming angry customers, creating fans in the marketplace, and closing sales. I often hear from people who wonder why they are not taken seriously at work or why, when they mention an idea at a meeting it isn't heard, then some guy mentions the same idea 10 minutes later and becomes a hero. These are usually symptoms of your body language not matching what your mouth is saying. It is amazing the change in someone when with just a few simple tweaks to their body language, they have whole new opportunities open up for them at work.


Q:  Do you have any specific tips that would help somebody in the job search?

A:  On first meeting, make appropriate eye contact by placing your gaze at their eyes or slightly above. Never below in a business setting, placing your eye contact at the nose or lips is too personal for business.  Maintain good eye contact without staring. Too much eye contact can be creepy–the old adage "look them in the eye" is only good if the interviewer is making the same amount to eye contact. Take your cues from the interviewer, if they occasionally look away, it's okay to glance away – but certainly never to your watch or out a window as if something is more interesting than that moment with that person. Second, a genuine slow smile with a small gentle nod. A slow smile is perceived to be more sincere than a large, quick smile. The handshake is a bit like a dance. If the interviewer offers the hand, certainly shake hands–meeting their same grip and tempo–no loose-grips or death-grips allowed. Maintain good posture both standing and sitting. Often I see good posture standing, then slouching or crossed arms or legs when sitting. We often feel more comfortable with people "like us." If the interviewer is more casual (and casual is appropriate to the position for which you are applying) it's okay to cross your legs, but certainly not your arms. Too much is read into crossed arms. They can mean anything, from too cold to gas … yet all too often it is read by others to be closed or hiding something. Crossed arms is a gesture loaded with assumptions. Stay away from crossing your arms in an interview. Finally, the key number one nonverbal that will put ourselves and others at ease quickly is to be aware of our breathing. Low, abdominal (normal) breathing is key to looking and feeling confident and relaxed with the added benefit of more oxygen to our brain. More oxygen to the brain the quicker and more intelligent our answers can be.


Q:  What do you feel makes your book unique?

A:  This is not a book about learning to read other people's body language. It focuses on being consciously aware of what messages your nonverbal cues are sending. Quickly reading one movement or a single gesture of someone else's body language more accurately tells how they are feeling in the moment, not how they are thinking. If you had hours to spend observing someone's behavior, you might begin to understand what he or she is thinking. However, you would, at best, still be making an educated guess.

My aim is to provide the reader with enough new ways to look at non-verbal communication so that when one approach isn't working, you have enough tools in your toolbox to try something else. What you do with your body has a significant impact on how others perceive you. Once you use a few of the techniques in this book, you will never think about communication in the same way.


Q:  Aside from your book, what resources do you recommend?

A:  The least expensive is one of the best, observe others' nonverbals and notice how they make you feel. If they make you feel good, study and adapt them to your situation. If they don't make you feel good, make note of what happened.  Practice, practice, practice. It's wonderful to practice eye-contact and a slow smile in the grocery checkout line or with your local barista.

 
Q:  Any additional words of wisdom?

A:  No one is born a great communicator. Great communicators have learned behaviors we often refer to as charisma. Part of charisma is learning to use your nonverbals intentionally. Instead of spending your time worrying about the other person's body language, control what you can, your own body language. Each time we make a commitment to learn something new we grow and change. Learning to observe and adapt can at times feel challenging. Give yourself grace as you practice and incorporate understanding the nonverbal messages you are sending.


As noted, this was a pleasant surprise in that I found the information in it potentially quite useful … it's a fairly compact, but intense, read, with a reasonably tight focus on a core group of skills.   The author has a web site up at http://whatyourbodysays.com, with some additional resources, and, as usual, a more in-depth look at the book is over in my review.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/job-stalker/2010/08/some-skills-that-will-help.html

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When we use only words to communicate, we make it necessary for our audience to pay very close attention to what we say. Consider using intentional hand gestures to add a visual to what you are saying. They support your message and keep the listener fully engaged. Intentional hand gestures —

• Create an emotional response for both you and the listener;
• Develop an emotional attachment to the message;
• Determine how the listener will respond;
• Enhance long-term memory retention of subject.

For example, let’s say that you are beginning the monthly team meeting by going over the agenda. “Before we begin, let’s review today’s agenda. We have five major points to cover today.”

In this statement, five major points is the area to emphasize with a corresponding intentional gesture. Use a gesture the audience is already familiar with to enhance clarity and comfort. Since you want the audience to remember five, hold up your arm to mimic the old right-turn signal. Then emphasize, “Number one, we need to cover the sales report,” with a gesture to indicate number one with one of your fingers going up. Number two, we will review budgets. (Indicate with a second finger going up.) And so on.

The gestures add a visual reminder aiding the listener’s long-term memory that often saves you from having to repeat yourself. A curious side effect of counting nonverbally is that the audience remembers which finger is the sales report and which finger is the budget. They often use the same fingers in recounting the message to someone else.

Using intentional hand gestures “that teach” like counting on your fingers to stress important points works for large audiences, small groups (eight or fewer), and one-to-one communication. You’ll want to lessen the intensity of the gesture when speaking to eight or fewer people. To do this, simply make the gesture smaller or closer to your body. For example, when stating, “We need to cover five major points in today’s meeting,” there is no need for the larger gesture of raising the arm. Simply raise your hand by bending only at the elbow, like a princess wave. (The counting on the fingers can remain the same.)
Using gestures when giving directions or teaching makes the audience less dependent on the verbal part of the presentation. The visual reminder created by gestures allows the listener two ways to remember: auditory and visual. It thereby increases the likelihood of accurate recall.

Gestures that teach can teach anything, even proper conduct. If you want the audience to raise their hands before asking questions, teach them nonverbally that raising their hands is the protocol. As you ask questions, raise your arm and slightly turn your hand back and forth while you ask a question, such as “Who is from out of town?”

Look for other cues and signals that already have the meaning you are seeking when you use intentional gestures. It makes getting the true meaning of your message so much easier.
 

Learn how your body language could be inadvertently destroying your direct sales success!
Do any of these sound familiar in your direct sales business?

— Getting up to share your products, your passion and purpose makes you weak in the knees

— Every time you try to close the sale or book a party you feel “pushy”

— You know WHAT to say, just not HOW to get your ideas and products taken seriously…

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then join Holly Chantal and Sharon Sayler  on June 30th at 1pm eastern for ways to magically transform interested prospects into invested hostesses and recruits on-the-spot and leave both you and them feeling good about it with simple, easy to use nonverbal techniques from Sharon’s new book What Your Body Says (and how to master the message).

Got to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/streamlinedsuccess to set up a reminder or listen in!