SHUSHASHA

Wreath //edited

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 01 Jan 2014 15:36:00 +0000

How long more can I feel the same way for the people I care?
How much strength and faith I still have in this?
And I never know learning so much about a person would also be such a painful lesson in those nights too.

The dilemma between stay &fight for him till the very end or walk away when you know you're falling deeper day by day. The thing is, I know I have never really wish to walk away but sometimes, the heart only afford that certain capacity of pain.
x

EDIT//
3.00am: in the middle of the night, and I'm still up thinking about all the 'whats ifs' and 'buts' and certainly the 'couldves' between us. Should we find the courage elsewhere, or would the person I have in mind also has some wishful thinking in mind? I hope the latter, and yet can't help myself allowing such bogging thoughts, and considering the details of certain stages in life.
Sigh. I need the sleep.

And I'll be waiting for this time to come around
But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds

Bye Examination and Quizzes

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 01:56:00 +0000

It's time of the month again. I realized how much I missed those fleeting moments I had with my homies and so glad that a handful of them are back in Malaysia once again. Supposedly, it's down to a couple of years more until we can all be united again and bearing the thought of missing Michillie in Canada, quite overwhelming heh. (You better come back soon, or else just get married there and sponsor me the flight tickets &accomodation!)

Christmas is approximately two more weeks, means I have another 14 days left to hunt for Christmas pressies for the girls and my homies. Last year, I was so thrilled and excited to go out every night - I wonder how and where did I have all the energy pack to keep my adrenaline rush during those ungodly hours with the cray cray peeps. Perhaps, some of them left Malaysia for studies and a few good friends got into a relationship, their time of settlement from the cray cray scene. What I'm going through now and then, it sounds so mundane and boring already. Got up early in the morning and I'll prepare a hearty breakfast (or, I would walked out and take away some food or MY KUIH LAPIS), come home for some readings, head to work and gym, sometimes a jog and then sleep. T_______T

What happened to my playtime and life?

In my mind, I was thinking probably it's just a number dictated on my IC, the age of 21 knocked some sense into my head with the bundle of responsibilities I have when I'm finishing my studies really soon, anticipating for the results and my graduation bash! My mixed feelings can't really tally with my dilemma whether to continue the degree or taking a leap of faith to venture into the media industry. My relatives actually rang my family, especially my mommy asking if I'm about to start working or continue my studies here. As much as I really want to pursue a degree, I hesitated and my gut feelings always opposed the thoughts in my head. Maybe, I should take a break and have a getaway soon!

On a side note, I can't wait for my thinspoo to finish her paper! Yayyers.

Today

noreply@blogger.com (Shu Ting) — Sat, 26 Oct 2013 15:51:00 +0000

Plentiful; and plenty

noreply@blogger.com (Shu Ting) — Sat, 26 Oct 2013 15:22:00 +0000

Sigh.

And this is probably the most recently used reaction I gave to my friends when they asked me to go out during weekends - the saddest line I ever said, all fully slotted with other tasks in my schedule. Everyone around me and my family is getting married. Of course, I should be happy for the newly-wed couple and throw them all the best wishes quotes I have learnt in Chinese and English, they have my fair share of bliss and blessings, yet I hardly utter any smile since then I started working on the projects. I swear to God and oh my tien, the amount of work and responsibility dedicated for this semester is so overwhelming to the extent, I'm losing PLENTY of sleep, I'm binging on PLENTY of food, I skip PLENTY of my workout regime, I'm missing out in PLENTY of gathering this couple of weeks and the list goes on; I'm just gonna rant my liver out. The doctor prescribed a heavier dosage for my gastritis due to the excessive stress hormones this semester, I couldn't even think of any other ways to channel out my anger and rage, it's engulfing me inside - painstakingly bitter tasting my own fear.

As far as things are proceeding all well at their own pace, this slowly traces the path towards the self; the younger Shu Ting - two years ago, stepping fresh into this enormous circle of new faces and cliques of people that we deemed friends back then and probably still friends or better known as acquaintances. Though I've always said, "Haiyoyo, I don't really care. Really, not an issue if you're not talking to me, and I don't actually give a damn," but I actually give these people some flying fucks when I still hear from them - so I still do care about them afterall. (I blame my female's hormones)

I just can't, anymore.

For Ashwin and Alex.

noreply@blogger.com (Shu Ting) — Sat, 28 Sep 2013 16:14:00 +0000

It's like 5 minutes before the clock strikes twelve again. Usually, I'll be either snoozing soundly in my crib, one year ago, I was partying my life away, contaminating my lungs and my liver were pretty intoxicated during that stage in life, and for now, I'm so contented in life, staying in my sick bed reading just a good book and having a plenty of rest that my body well-deserved at this time of the week. I went shower, and it reminds me so much of the memory lane that tapped my back this evening watching a few series on the tv when I fell on-and-off asleep on my couch.

I have been taking so many medicine lately, countless times I actually made a few trips to different doctors in just a week. Knowing that lately many of my friends turned 21, and my presence there would probably make a slight difference - I felt so bad, SO SO BAD inside me, like really bad, I couldn't utter how depressed that I can't be there to sing you guys a birthday song, but I really wish you both a memorable 21st. Please claim your birthday lunch/dinner with me soon.

HAPPY 21st-BIRTHDAY, BOTH A'S (ASHWIN AND ALEX)

Alex . Ashwin . Nicole
(Grabbed something from Facebook \(0_0)/ )

Happy birthday, Ashwin Asokan! You've always been a wonderful and great guy friend to me, each and everytime. I know what got us closer and who brought us together at the beginning. I'm so thankful and can't ask for more, we are still close buddies even after things changed, and that eventually strengthen our friendship; such irony!

Happy birthday, Alex Kwok! I'm so sorry that I gave you the thought that I clicked 'attending' to your 21ST YOLO HOTEL PARTY when cx mentioned to me about your birthday celebration. It's like a must every year to attend Alex's birthday dinner together and this year, regretfully for not being able to attend and at such last minute notice. You know you have been a really nice friend to me, all these while which words can't even describe more of what we both feel.

That's practically how bad I really felt inside staying in bed, but I'll be drafting a thought of mind that I'm going to write about, yayyers. I can't wait and I should catch some sleep again, time for my meds.

Birthday boys, and guys, please stay safe and have a blessed birthday! Loves

Long

noreply@blogger.com (Shu Ting) — Sat, 14 Sep 2013 16:04:00 +0000

So, I had the longest Friday ever yesterday with my lectures in school, lessons in class, and hours at work. And nothing gets better today. LIKE NOTHING AT ALL.

I just don't even know how to feel right anymore when it seems that everything isn't right at its pace. Possibly, it's just time of the month when my hormones are raging or could it be the haunt of the past? It's been 2 years down the memory lane, they should know it better that they do not have to tap me at the back of my mind. Everything is clearly refreshing in their auto-mode without any pause/stop/skip button.

The rain is adding on to the bloody-fckin' depressing mood. And my twitter account is still suspended. Bloody fuck, I don't even know what the fuck they want - back up code, temporary password. Just bloody return me my Twitter account that hard meh.

Bye larh bye.

Angry Shu Ting on Angry Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 02 Sep 2013 12:23:00 +0000

I'm so pissed.

Literally all anger and rage are fuming in this tiny bottle of soul in such rapid momentum I can't decide to hold them in anymore. It's been liddis for the past one week, and I can't figure single shiets behind all these hormonal tantrums I had bottled down, perhaps it's been there for months since I finished my internship and not wanting to be involved in any major roles in life because taking a break in life sounds like the perfect plan for now, at this age which I think I'm really getting older.

Physically, mentally and emotionally. I was so despair and upset over the tiniest thing ever, when my bestf doesn't reply my text even if her last seen in Whatsapp was after reading the text message I'd sent earlier. *stares

OR...

when I called her house, her cellphone, her everything that I can contact/dial/call/reach/sms/text/viber/ and etc but she still doesn't reply because she's missing in action. (Seriously, I regretted so much that I hate ACCA for lending my friend for 2 bloody years, or more likely - they just took her away without MY permission, yes MY PERMISSION)

See, you understand now when I said my hormonal tantrums lists can start anywhere from A to Z, then back to F and heads straight off to U and probably back to C, and next K. You got it right, pretty much fucked up when I am whiny, I rant and all these annoyance just piled up made Shu Ting such a grumpy child. Then over all these nonsense, I actually find the need to write all my anger down but as I typed longer, I lost my train of thoughts and I don't know where did all my previous angsty went! Either the rage had just flirt and dance with the wind or probably went down my large intestine. Shouldn't have had too much of the mata kucing when I was a little hesitated to binge on my dinner today, so I had a whole basket of the fruit while watching TV during my weekends. Smartypant resulted having bad diarrhoea, releasing all the shiets that I have amounted over months of constipated emotions. Seriously, constipation larh.

Maybe, I should start to think and imagine how's first class tomorrow for Fundamentals of Publishing gonna be like with Roshan's lessons. Hopefully, he's gonna be as kind as the previous semester he had with us, please...please don't make me regret switching my elective and taking his subject! September doesn't sound any nicer and kind anymore with the amount of assignments and project briefings we received during the first week of college. May the force be with us, for real.

Byebye.

I can't love you anymore because I'm happy on my own.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 13:04:00 +0000

Hello.

I am not going to start writing every single details and outing that I've been up to lately, but sure it's been a hell-strings of emotions flooding into my bloody pea-sized head. Have you ever feel this vulnerable to a certain things that took place in your life that you've been trying so hard to run away from it for months? Honestly, I could have deal with this better, or shouldve at least face this earlier than having to embrace this painful lesson right now, esp during my less-occupied period.

Getting to know that you showed up after being missing for months, like probably close to 6 months down the trail, and yet you're still giving me shivers when the sight of yours enter my frame. Maybe I should just take a break; or perhaps rewinding the past to give me your best lesson - learning to let what's done remains as history.

S.

Learning the worth.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 12:11:00 +0000

Learn your worth? How to learn something when you are so indecisive of what you feel and really want in life? There are a few times, these are the ones that kept me wondering, why would I have to feel so bad and allow myself going through such emotions?

It's just so bad for your health.

I try to learn and master the easiest way to decipher my own feelings when something strikes, for instance - my closest friend said something really bad about my body image. It hurts so bad, I felt fat, it seems the entire world and own circle of friends are against me because I look like a ball, and nothing more than just a ball they would want to toss it far far away.

This is all how a brain works. I would just need to get out from this bloody damned world.

Shu Ting

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Thu, 02 May 2013 13:04:00 +0000

This is gonna be some quick question.
D:

SHOULD I CURL MY HAIR?

Er, hi again.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:27:00 +0000

SHORT UPDATE!

Super-short!

VERY BERRY SHORT...

Couldn't be any shorter-this-POST because I'm not done with my work and research, shit lots ass of tasks to do everyday and I'm supposed to blog about this Cafe Vienna in town when I gone out with the munchkins last week for Michelle's farewell.

Aside to that, Michelle left Malaysia and went back to Canada to settle her stuffs and I've no clue why my bestf is nowhere to be found.

Nah, so I decided to remind you of my younger days now. *drumrolls

HAHAHHAHAHA!

Could you save yourself...

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 14:05:00 +0000

Hi, third week since we started 2013. I have not done anything great and exciting in year 2012, got to admit I have been quite a mundane dull child throughout my year but lots of lessons learnt with a price to pay. Spent quite some time with my munchkins, homies and what's most important that I get to see everyone again, a great way to start my year. Michillie gave me a surprise visit that she came back on January 3rd and conned me to her house, I was deceived and totally didn't expected any hidden agenda behind those lies, damn!

Review of what happened last year (2012)

JANUARY

First attempt to climb Broga Hill

FEBRUARY

With nannywong

Singapore then Johor Bahru with Fongfats & Sawadeekap Jason!

MARCH

The 8.30 morning vanity with my favorite girls

APRIL

First working experience in SONY Expo

MAY

Adorable sweet Jason Fan

JUNE

Genting with the homies

JULY

Andersen and got conned by Justinpetpet

AUGUST

Malacca road trip with piggypot and Ivan

Then the following day, Perak with sissy x mumsy for another road trip

SEPTEMBER

Rebecca's farewell in Ben's

OCTOBER

Credit to Jaz
first Halloween event in Frontera by IACT kids

NOVEMBER

David Guetta in Sepang!

DECEMBER

Heartbreak of the year but greeted with a new hello

&abs, I want!

Practically, that sums up the most of everything In just a blink of eye, everything skimmed through without any further notice of how time flies and we are all hitting 21 so soon, mine is pretty near but yet so far. Why am I feeling all low and extremely bitter to start adulthood? Gear up and getting mentally prepared for all these, so not fun please, like not at all luh.

January 11th, remember that I was planning for my skinnytoot's 21st birthday, turned out that it was quite a success though, we had a simple dinner in Souled Out, apparently they also threw a Gangnam Style and Jai Ho flashmob when they last called for their kitchen, it's so adorable to watch Jai Ho dance, the Indian way minus the trees! (especially skinnytoot's expression on her big day &she was fashionably-late with her boyfriend, punctuality man!)

And looking forward to Swedish House Mafia in Sepang last weekend, supposedly their one last tour but I was feeling meh during the rave. The rain turned us into really poor-looking wet kittens and we didn't really have fun because of the crowd was horrendous. But now, my piggypot is tempting me so badly to go the upcoming one, ASOT when we all missed We Love Asia, which I read so many good reviews about it today, after my first presentation in Advertising class. This is just something I'm not familiar with, I do not know what I became, a good girl back in track, putting all priorities right into studies and assignments once again is totally worthwhile after the grades I got last semester, couldve and shouldve done better!

And today with Paula in college to keel 3 hours break. Oh gosh.

Belly bell rings.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 14:55:00 +0000

I TELL YOU HOR.

I just can't wait for tomorrow because my bestest-sister-girlfriend is turning 21 in an hour time and I'm feeling so meh, popping rainbow pills like they are FOC!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, YEE CHUIXING!
You're officially legal-legally-legit now in almost-all!

Need to crash and sustain all energy for tomorrow X

P.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 02:38:00 +0000

I remember every single details &words. If it's wrong to walk away from you, I'll never wanna be right again.

When nothing you do can change my mind, the more I learn, the more I love, the more my heart cant get enough...

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 08:52:00 +0000

OF YOU.

I can't help bottling down more of these emotions anymore.

Deactivated everything to just keep myself out of this place.

With my heart &no regrets.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 14:21:00 +0000

Hello!

Once again, I lied about my own feelings and all. I procrastinate a lot these days when I clearly know that my time is running out! The worst scenario I can ever have in my head right now is repeating the subjects that I have in this semester &of course, I wouldn't want that picture to come true. It's just the laziness engulfing me slowly, knowing that it keeps me away from getting back in track to whatever I am supposed to be doing for now.

SO CUTE RIGHTTTT?! ^^v

I do not have anything inspired me to talk about this time, but I just have this really one question running in schemes in my head. Yes, my head is pretty tiny but it contains this really big mind okay! Now, input this question in your mind, why would we have expectations in people that we do care for or most probably the person we love?

Expectations often lead to disappointments.

It's such a overused statement that often seen in Tumblr, social networking sites, &one of the highest 'likes' of heartbreaking quotes. Have anyone ever get through that phase? Allow me to state my personal POV. It's actually an 'everyday' phenomenon to everyone here, as long as you're a living soul and you're still breathing in oxygen, and you do have a functional brain, I am quite assured you are. How does this actually happens? We are not going to get there (what, who, which, how, when). What's the point like pushing all these faults to others when in the first place, you place yourself in such a state wanting the other sides to show you more. Sometimes, what you gave might not be what you will be getting. This is the hardest lesson I guess everyone should just bear that in mind, this might sounds shallow, at least you do know I'm making a lot of sense about that.

So many times, I heard from this &that, regarding how friendships grow apart and relationships that did not make it through often boil down to the same issue. Despite knowing fairness do not really exist in most of everything that relates to human relationships and especially when they are bind with the special bond, like siblings and family. I also do agree that what the old folks would always nag and lecture at us; the young kids especially. In life, not every single matter and feeling got to be black and white, plenty of them are in grey areas and some are better not sorted out. It feels so much like, you really want to find out about some stuffs/problems/issues, and at the end of the day, you found out about it &you regret for making such a move. Hence, that's when certain issues and words are just better left unsaid &maybe some stories are just better untold.

I do not even know when I started to behave in such manner. How badly-behaved have you been?

Not in 'that' manner, but picking up life lessons as I'm getting older and pursuing my interest, I hate to admit though, it suckballs for real. Believe it or not larh, we just tend to have expectations in the people we care for regardless of what matters inside you.

When you want to hang out with your friends pretty late at night, you expect them to feel the same and probably, you might also wish that they will extend their curfew hours.
What intrigues you may not feel the same for others. You adore something/someone so much, like really heaps and tonnes of admiration for it/him/her, do NOT ever expect your own close friends to have the same thoughts like you.
You may have try and work really hard to earn their attention. Always remember that's your definition of trying really hard, others do not feel a single bit at all although you poured in all of your effort, gave you 101% best and etc.

All of these 3 scenarios mentioned, think again. When you have that in mind, you hold a certain expectations on them, and when they barely show that they care, you're asking for it, digging your own well of tears. On a side note, perhaps one thing you can only do is, care when you do - with your heart & no regrets.

imy,p//

Will be back

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 14:22:00 +0000

Rain drops keep falling on my roof, I can smell the 'rain' (ykno like those breeze, the rainy rain kind) despite that I caught such a bad cold bug. Well, I made a promise to myself to start writing again, at least kick start with just a really short note, but the medicine starts kicking in. On the side note, doctor said that I should really start getting enough of rest or my system couldn't do any further. HE SCARES THE SHYT OUTVE MAMA CHANG JUST NOW & >:'(

&am really so thankful that she tries to understand how much of pressure and workloads I'm dealing with lately &the last thing she can only ask for, ensuring I have my meals punctually. -___- (I wished that doctor only reveals what he should tell only instead of telling my family everything, walaoeh)

There's so many things to do and yet so little time to spare. I can't even do anything right at all at this moment. Judging by the rate of what I've been doing for almost all, I'm on the verge of giving it all up and yet probably just wish for a zombie apocalypse and save my ass slamming my face to the wall.

I can't stand this any longer *pulls hair*
I need to sleep. xx

Banana leaf &laziness

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 18:56:00 +0000

Hello boys and girls.

It's been so long since I last blog about anything. To be precise, I have not actually consider writing or listing down any of my thoughts until I am finally done with my finals, like one week ago. Eh no. It was just few days back, 4 days ago since the cocks are going to sing their cuckoo soon. Pun-intended by the way, if you do get my lameness. *winks.

How have everyone been so far, it's the beginning of August and almost reaching quarter of the year left, before we going to another chapter, different year ahead, different stories, other shyts happen and cool memories created. I remembered once, someone wise told me - Actually, everyone moves forward, and those we really choose to stay stationary at one point of time, because they refused to or either, they are making excuses to proceed and accept what's going to happen next and the tomorrows. Having second thoughts about what she had thrown to me in my face, it gives me a shivers considering I'm already 20 this year and the TWO is slowly going to affect me in most ways, my family, studies, friends and career. Is this really where I want to go or just stay with whatever I have right now, to go with the flow or not?

See, every single time when I have my semester break or when I'm too free (nothing to do, no work loads and assignments) I tend to over think &over analyse every single details, like bits of every happenings and how did the consequences affect me in times to come, what about my life, my family and friends, the people I care and all? Would they actually judge me in the different way based on my own decisions and actions that I have took? Do all these worth the risk and could I actually bear with the consequences I'm about to face later on?

One whole paragraph, being paranoid. Oh fuck, no good.

But look, the grass is always greener on the other side. I feel so contented and once again, learning and picking up lessons in life - like a happy child listening to stories from those grandma and grandpa. You know why, most of my girlfriends are actually settling down and they finally found their soul mate. Eh, I'm not too sure if their THE one, happens to be REALLY soul mate or their partner in years to come, if they are planning to tie a knot at the end of this year, IF only but at least I'm truly happy for them. *throw blessings at these lovebirds*

I'm very generous with blessings okay, as long as you happy, my happiness content will be doubled. I actually thought of like writing one whole long post about the birthday dinner I just attended just now, but I think I should hit the sack now, then I will have a legit reason for myself to write about the dinner the next day. When is the next day? No words and promises on that. wtf, I have always been giving myself excuses to procrastinate which what I'm supposed to do, but keep delayed or postponing them. That's really bad, imagine one day if my own child wants me to buy her diapers but I'm too lazy to get outve my house. I probably give her banana leaf and asked her to use it.

Part 1 : You want someone nice?

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sat, 02 Jun 2012 15:21:00 +0000

The title says it all. Everyone wants to get a nice girl or a nice guy, you don't say right? But it's just not as easy as it sounds, just within snaps of finger and you'll find the ultimate girl in your life or the prince charming you've waited all these while. Oh well, some lucky ones may have probably found their, happily married, settled down with their beautiful kids and also, flipping to the next chapter in life.

Spent about 30 minutes watching WongFu Production a re-release video, Just A Nice Guy (2007) - Notice how much they have changed in 5 years time. If you have not watch the video, spare yourself some good 30 minutes watching the video. Now you'll start thinking abruptly of how much you wanted that someone so badly, and yet it's just not bound to be. Often you'll see how two souls become one; they blossomed from a simple tie, friendship. And the friend kin that you may have within one another, of course it could be of anyone that you just probably met from the bar. OKAYH, maybe not the bar, perhaps the gym or clubhouse. That sounds much convincing...

Anyways, it starts from friendship and it would eventually develops some sort of like.... I would love to call that affections in the beginning. Yes, you would most probably looking forward to text him everyday, calling him once every two days (not too often, if you're one of the shy ones like me) and perhaps, giving it a try like asking him out. Now these all sound familiar to you? I'm pretty sure everyone been that, done that. AND? That affections likely have chances to blossom into some bigger fire, which I meant sparks, that generate more interest in you as for getting to know that guy in depth, if only he's willing to open up to you and letting you know more about what's yes and what's not in his personal thoughts. Though as tricky as it may sounds, the chances for this to happen is possible, just as rare as you may find a diamond at the beach.

Nice guys finish last. Ah, this saying goes viral everywhere, and you better gotta agree with me. WHAT ABOUT NICE GIRLS FINISH LAST? It's not gonna be some sexist-debate in this entire post but there are still some nice chicks out there, still holding firm to their grounds that knights in shining armor do exist in reality. *blows away cotton-candy white-bluish clouds*

Do these sound familiar? Plenty of them! Nice girls or nice guys, they only believe that, as long as they do good, everything would just turn good and be good miraculously. Agree? It's not about the saying or anyone's perception on that matter, it's just their subjective that they are just born this way or maybe they are just inject with more humanity's juices in their heads which allow them to do good at all time with no costs. If you have pay attention to the details of the video mentioned above, sometimes nice guys or nice girls are just insensitive or blunt! They do not drop subtle hints at all to the one that they really care for, especially the one they want. (It's not easy kayh?)

It's just so frustrating. & I need to get a shower and continue this again, in the next post! x

Part One

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:07:00 +0000

Just so little I do realized, before I could notice all these changes in myself, after these walls that I'd built against everyone that tends to enter my obscure realm; the place where I choose to spill my thoughts and let the words speak the thoughts in my head.

The tiny soul of mine wrecked a little when I decided to put some trust in someone &they will never ever failed to disappoint me. I got to be honest here, I never really be bothered to blog about my thoughts anymore, shut myself outve the world when Ive to deal with an issue, it just often cross my mind that everyone deals with their shizz, why would they be bothered about yours now, at this moment - when you're helpless and in need of just a pair of ears to hear &a warm cuddle? But always be reminded, you're nobody and nothing at all. That's when I couldn't do anything but just help myself up, lend myself a helping hand, when pillows are gonna be your pair of ears, the warm cuddle over the cold starry nights.

It's all that you can count on when things fall apart; in a way that you couldn't even tell what's right and wrong. Or perhaps, I'm just too insensitive to notice everything that happen around me. Unfortunately, when I'm too busy forking out all my attention to the wrong people, never little I do realized Ive also given most of my love to the undeserved ones; till someone has to knock some senses into my head &repeated those sentences gazillion times till it finally imprinted, a big smack in my face. How would anyone else actually defines the relationship between two souls? And what brings them together - feelings, commitment, lust, benefits, and sometimes... friendships?

Well, in my opinion of a ideal relationship, I wouldn't say anything close to perfect, but just what's right and appropriate in the definition of being in a relationship is definitely when two souls are bonded together regardless of their flaws, one might be loud and addictive while the another half, he/she could be pretty shy and less-happening. This always gets me to the saying, "Opposite attracts". My two cents do whispers silently to my heart, he does not have to be the best looking guy down the street; he could be just wearing a plain top, any ugly-checkered pants, &slipped on a pair of flip flops, and wearing his beautiful smile. That also got me wondering what is just so attractive behind that smile, the warm-blooded skin, might just be the big heart - his personality. Not forgetting his signature hair, the fidgeting body when adrenaline rushed into his bloodstream, butterflies dancing in the tummy whenever I call out his name. How do I know all of these? Because we, girls feel the same way too when guys do that to us. Every single time, he never fails to make my heart skipped a beat or took my breathe away even the slightest gesture which practically meant nothing at all, but meant the whole entire universe to me. It's just that amazing.

Relationship requires lots of time, effort and of course, commitment. Whoever that tells commitment will come as long as you start a relationship is a plain bullshyt. It doesn't come naturally but takes up a lot of perseverance and endurance, how they tolerate &accept one &another flaws. It's not going to be easy, but nothing comes easy. Nobody would eventually appreciate this if everything comes as easy as snapping a finger. Commitment is a big word, but most people have mislead this word with the definition of forever. So, it's just merely "happily ever after, loving you always &forever". Can you see the difference, in most of how many couples that actually make it to that stage, you can kindly read this now, and do reply my post 50 years later &tell me you're still counting on with your another half. It's all about the promise that you choose to make once you start to be committed into a relationship, the trust and bond both souls built together are the one that make things last, it's hard to build them, it's even harder to maintain them.

It's time to go bed. I'll blog about the part two of my thoughts.
Goodnight. xx

Before I talk about Belly

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:45:00 +0000

Y_U_NO KNOW BELLEEENOTBELL!?

Can I scream before I continue this? Never expected that 2012 would arrived that fast, and in just a blink of eye, I'm turning twenty soon enough to reach the next stage in life. Well, everyone said they would face the mid-twenties' crisis when you entered adulthood, I barely imagine myself in such condition that I wouldve to bear all the responsibilities my 'rents are facing, &everyone in the world are putting up with. *facepalms

Totally surprising if one day Ive my own kids, starting my own family, and reading back this post how paranoid I was back when I was younger; thinking and considering my path in the future. Indefinite emotional struggles I had back when I was a teen, couldn't compared to the financial burden I'm gonna face in few years time, such temperamental thoughts in my head. Everyone did a reflection of what theyve gone through back in 2011, but I'm such a ~~lazy~~ laid back person, I prefer letting things take in toll, leads me to the next milestone.
Talking about reflections, I had mine written few nights before 2011 ends, now that I wonder where did it flew, perhaps to somewhere over the rainbow, that others would have treasure my piece of thought better than anyone else do.

2011 had been a pretty tough year for most of my circle of friends, we shared, we learnt, we teared, we broke our hearts, we picked 'em up, we outgrow our thoughts, we learn to see things, putting ourselves in other people's shoes, we rarely letting our guards down, and had the lowest point in life, when being let down by the closest ones around you is fairly a norm in my dictionary. Yet to express my own thoughts, I skimmed through my previous posts few years ago, I'm nowhere close to where I was before, but by all odds, a better person in my own preference. I quit putting myself to care for every single details, quit giving in to people that least deserve 'em, &quit crying myself to bed every night for feeling unappreciated. &that's all I need to manage my emotions &continue walking to another milestone to where I belong.

Christmas's Eve and NYE were one of the good parties Id attended throughout the year, despite the part getting wasted and KO on the bed till the next morning. And early this year, my Belleeenotbell turned TWENTY this year. This means that I would have more upcoming parties to go because I'll be celebrating Piggiepeggie's birthday soon as well. All the babies are burning a hole in my wallet but I'm glad that we are still back in Malaysia because I am berry sad that the closest friends in my small circle are leaving soon after February. I got to go repay some sleep debts!

*off topic but will be continued*

Christmas's eve with Piggypeggie

The Peejay's gang during NYE

Dory's signature pose

Belleeenotbell's 20th birthday in Decanter, PJ.

Sportsville, Jellyjasmine and Piggypeggie.

Michelle's in the house.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 18:02:00 +0000

I'm gonna write...
Gonna start writing...

*after 2 hours of procrastination, shower and dinner*

I'm still clueless what to write and how to start this off.
Facepalms and bang myhead softly on the wall.

It's mid of December, another 18 days more to go before 2011 ends and we shall all party like rockstar to welcome the beginning of the new year, 2012. But who knows how great would it turns out to be and definitely who could predict whether is 2012 gonna be better than this year. It is too early to be said when I can't even define whatve I gone through this year. Like Ive never really live up to myself throughout the year. Lessons learnt, mistakes made, decision struggles, &insignificant friends. One fine day, some random stranger actually walked up to my table and randomly asked if I'm Shushasha that blogs and pretty active in Twitter.

My first thought in head was I couldn't care less because I was busy preparing for my paperworks, &was struggling to finish up my lunch at the same time, but I nearly dropped my jaw when he said he's been reading and following my blog since I started blogging in my previous website. It was just really nice and sweet of him that he came up to me and said hi. I guess that really made my day, when that day also turned out to be one of my biggest lesson of life; never drive in rage.

There's this one question I always pop to people that I just met; What would do you when your closest friend of all is going to leave, for their own personal reasons/study purpose? And most of the time, I would get the answer I wanna hear from them. Some would tearup, some said they will be very happy for them, &perhaps a few would be pretty pissed &still wish them Bon Voyage pleasantly though. Looking back to those days I shared with all my close friends, acquaintances, random people that I spoke to &those that successfully made to the exit in my life, I'm glad everything that happens, happened for really appropriate reasons &I managed to move on to the next chapter in life. They said, every mistake made is another lesson learnt with a price to pay. From the bottom of my heart, I still hold on to the saying, without making mistake, I wouldn't learn, &it just wouldn't be me, today. So eventually, when you do make any mistakes in your life, till the day you're still breathing right now at this moment, don't feel bad because it happened but be glad it happened and you know that you're still breathing, better &stronger than before.

I just gotta learn this the hard way, &perhaps took a longer route, slower pace. But I'll never regret choosing this path.

Okayh, moving on to Michelle's farewell party before she's leaving to Canada &we had an awesome session, pigged out in The Social, Bangsar. I thought we were going to be late for the dinner &they would cancelled my reservation, but thank goodness to my awesome driving skills, it was raining &yet we made it there right in time before the clock strikes eight! The food is reasonably cheap &it feels like home, really comfortable in our own space, I love their ambiance and lighting, guess what? They even provide pool tables!

Fong's carbonara and it tastes really good (Y)

Aryl's Arrabiata, too spicy for my liking though.

Steak sandwich and the portion is pretty huge for Ann.

Social mezze plate; mutton, lamb grills &I love their kebab!

Lasagna beef and chicken

ahmoiku, leaving on 19th!

Pegbabey

shot #1

Mr Muscular

Bryan and Fong

Wei Ann, came back from Perth; she drove to the dinner miraculously, Sherilyn &Jingli

The toast, cherry poppin' in a box *insidejoke*

bellenotbell &ahmoiku

Canadian vs Australian

Group picture

After the dinner, we chilled a while inside my car before heading over to Mist and meetup w/ Fong Number 2 from my college for a Korean farewell and bumped into a few of my friends here and there. KO-ed at 5 in the morning, before mom decided to question me anything about the dinner, I headed out again before she could bombard me with her lectures. Last but not least, I'm gonna end this post with a flattering picture of us.

Yours truly, Fong &ahmoiku

next post coming up, Tiesto fever!

Emotional tantrums

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 10:41:00 +0000

Its only 5.22 in the afternoon but my body clock is already ticking to bed. They are secretly signalling to brain asking my body to shut down asap and flipping get my ass to bed for some really good rest. This November is coming to an end again, once again I would said. Those that knows me really well, and God knows what He had put me through this year, it was really messed up but I would said, it's a pretty good exposure to what I had got through, and put me to a learning experience, that a price is infinity. As much as I would like to write, I've always find my way to procrastination, a pretty valid reason to push all my responsibilities to other factors in life, &most of time,

I wouldve said, "NO TIME LARH BOSS."

Who said it's easy to lead a happy life without worries of munneh? I bet you have not even try earning your own penny, dude. I'm not about to brag about how my earnings but at least, knowing the fact that munneh doesn't grow on trees are readily good enough to shove it to your face. Recalling those moments that I had in this year, I was supposed to blog in a week time after October 17th &guess what? Something somehow sometimes just blow my minds off for the past one month, got carried away by those thoughts and now I'm back here on my feet, standing strong despite those emotional tantrums that I had, yes tantrums I called it.

For not endowed reason, I've bugged Pegbabey and Bellenotbell for almost a month because of the dwelling and bounding stage, perhaps its just in need of a normal mental clarity check. They always tell me it's easy to move on when you least realized and pour your attention into someone, it's true. However, it's also easily said than done. Aha, but certainly it'll all boils to the a point when enough means enough, till the day you'll finally realized that everything that you were up to previously is just insanely dumb, well it's always quoted love is blind; the person in love, LAGI BLIND.

Wishing for things that I could achieve in the new year's resolutions, I'd love to reach out for certain goals in life with my own abilities, of course maybe some preaching from my parents and friends, but nevertheless, I really wanna strive for my own goals (: There's this little feelings of appreciation injected into my senses &that is just gonna motivates me to work things better. Okay, time to get some sleep before heading out again tonight.

Recap of the month(s)

Karyee and yourstruly in Aryl's open house

Shot #2

The boys; Vincent, Ravin, Fong &Jingli

My new classmates, Mandapanda and Ninjayasmin

WHERE I CALL IT MY SECOND HOME NOW (Y)

Sister's birthday and my bangs

IMMA TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO ....

PO-POKKER FACE (Lady Gaga phailed)

BUT Paulalicious has sexy thick red lips now.

Last picture of the day, Subang road trip w/ the bunch.

In loving memory of Grandpa Chang (1931 - 2011),

Despite that we don't live under one roof,

we may have the least conversations among all the siblings

and cousins, regardless how often you may have notice me in our family gatherings,

the bonding moments that we probably started to have, were reduced in such a vast manner,

that lead to such despair and regrets that one would have for that one day you'll be gone, forever.

Yeye, you'll always and forever be my dearest,

RIP. ♥

Some said its the end, I call it a start.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:04:00 +0000

I'll write soon people, stay tuned.
I would love to see more response from the readers. xx

I trying to write I.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:49:00 +0000

Life is like a Rubik's cube, trying to solve the colour and pattern in an according formulae, bur what if we don't choose that 'according' formulae and create our own, and now we called it; grasp of your own future. We'll never know when and how would we achieve success, and in midst of pursuing the future, it is a long journey down the trail, the route one least expected with unforeseen obstacles ahead.

This is what I have in mind, something I learnt and I would love to share with all the souls in the world - feeling as though it would practically helps to whoever reading this piece feeling low and down, I'm just around to put a smile to your face.

So that's it. This is just what she is made of. Simple, easy-going, kind, calm, stable, dependent and all positive vibes. You named it and yes, the answer will be. This is just going to be a modest description about her because behind all these words, you can't even find the right word to describe her, or at least to put her into such phrase. As for now, whenever her mood swings strikes, there's no other ways to catch hold of her attention, especially if she's not in the right mood to talk.

Silence is the only last thing she appreciates from others. I choose not to reveal her that much because she always believes what people gets to know its just merely what they see a person from the outside, it's just all about external beauty and appearance. To this tiny little soul, what she bothers much in her heart is the transformation of a person as they outgrow to multiple factors. She's not glad to tell the world that she grieved over a few issues that once meant the most in life, but they chose to let her down, which she finally seen all these beneath the fake masks that everyone tries so hard to hide, but it'll never be able to conceal when it is a matter of heart. Dwelling in the past doesn't give you any opportunities to move further but holding you back.

However, she could be one of the most intriguing person but also typical female that you wouldn't wish to meet. I do come across with such a scene; she can tell stories all night without you feeling bored and yet you can listen to her attentively as she could provoke your darkest secret without any intentions, perhaps she's a stimulator in human form. That's clearly just a joke. It would be good if she could finally make use of herself in helping others to overcome their darkest fear, which I really doubt so.

Back into business, I'm going to spill half of the bowl about her, something she's trying to hide from everyone else, her friends, her parents, and even her own self. She has this obsession with her skin. What one would do is to pamper their skin with all sorts of home remedies just to make their skin glow and some tiny bit of love by spending some time (inadequate time) in the bathrooms for more scrubs and massages. Now when you're reading this, she's totally opposite of what you think she is. I'm dead serious here. She doesn't shower until it's much needed, and she totally doesn't behave like one, she doesn't know what a body scrub for till she walks into the Dermatologica and got a consultation from a dermatologist. That explains her current obsession with her skin.

If you want to know anything or something unique about her, try popping up that question to her and she'll just look at you and giggles. I would be glad to repeat, she'll start off with her loud giggles and then, she's said, "Why am I unique? Because unique is me." She's that hyper that she would really laugh and burst in uncontrollably tears flowing from the corner of her eyes. I can see that she's happy receiving such compliment for the first time when she's sixteen. The conversation still replays vividly in her head. I am not going to elaborate much on her personal matters, but this girl has a really long trip back to her memory lane.

Her giggles.

That's the only thing that could brighten up any gloomy days and beat your blues away. This is out of nowhere, but honestly, if only I could read some spells and shrink her size, she will be like the tiniest thing ever like Thumbelina. This is just pun-intended and I feel that her giggles are a awakening call to all that laughters bring everyone together regardless your nationality, skin colour and the language you spoke. It's good indeed that she tries so hard to erase all negative vibes in her and her loved ones, for at least keep them far away from them and hoping for a better tomorrow, but as good as it sounds, she forgotten about her little devil inside her.

She party, she drinks, she shouts, she hyped, but those were all the days she doesn't wish to recall not a single piece of them. Pushing off the corrupted sheets in life to the back of her mind is just something she wish to invent, at least a vaccine to repent for all the sin she had done for the past 19 years of life. She's young but she knows that it's not going to be a bed of roses in times to come. As she grows older, she learns how society works and that's when she clearly understands that effort has a price to pay. And it's your judgements that leads to the possibilities far beyond your expectations. Not going to recycle the quote, "Expectation leads to disappointment" but having least expectations means lowering possibilities. So which one would you prefer?

Last but not least, I'm sure you're pretty clear who was I talking about all these while, thankyou for spending your time here today. :D

P.S : And if you're not, spend your time reading the second time and find out. I'm not telling you. kbai.

Note : This is not done for ads or any other purposes, simply meant for my assessment and Mr. Nick's request. And some of the details and relevant information are merely made up to provoke sensation.