COLLIDE ;

Before I talk about Belly

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:45:00 +0000

Y_U_NO KNOW BELLEEENOTBELL!?

Can I scream before I continue this? Never expected that 2012 would arrived that fast, and in just a blink of eye, I'm turning twenty soon enough to reach the next stage in life. Well, everyone said they would face the mid-twenties' crisis when you entered adulthood, I barely imagine myself in such condition that I wouldve to bear all the responsibilities my 'rents are facing, &everyone in the world are putting up with. *facepalms

Totally surprising if one day Ive my own kids, starting my own family, and reading back this post how paranoid I was back when I was younger; thinking and considering my path in the future. Indefinite emotional struggles I had back when I was a teen, couldn't compared to the financial burden I'm gonna face in few years time, such temperamental thoughts in my head. Everyone did a reflection of what theyve gone through back in 2011, but I'm such a ~~lazy~~ laid back person, I prefer letting things take in toll, leads me to the next milestone.
Talking about reflections, I had mine written few nights before 2011 ends, now that I wonder where did it flew, perhaps to somewhere over the rainbow, that others would have treasure my piece of thought better than anyone else do.

2011 had been a pretty tough year for most of my circle of friends, we shared, we learnt, we teared, we broke our hearts, we picked 'em up, we outgrow our thoughts, we learn to see things, putting ourselves in other people's shoes, we rarely letting our guards down, and had the lowest point in life, when being let down by the closest ones around you is fairly a norm in my dictionary. Yet to express my own thoughts, I skimmed through my previous posts few years ago, I'm nowhere close to where I was before, but by all odds, a better person in my own preference. I quit putting myself to care for every single details, quit giving in to people that least deserve 'em, &quit crying myself to bed every night for feeling unappreciated. &that's all I need to manage my emotions &continue walking to another milestone to where I belong.

Christmas's Eve and NYE were one of the good parties Id attended throughout the year, despite the part getting wasted and KO on the bed till the next morning. And early this year, my Belleeenotbell turned TWENTY this year. This means that I would have more upcoming parties to go because I'll be celebrating Piggiepeggie's birthday soon as well. All the babies are burning a hole in my wallet but I'm glad that we are still back in Malaysia because I am berry sad that the closest friends in my small circle are leaving soon after February. I got to go repay some sleep debts!

*off topic but will be continued*

Christmas's eve with Piggypeggie

The Peejay's gang during NYE

Dory's signature pose

Belleeenotbell's 20th birthday in Decanter, PJ.

Sportsville, Jellyjasmine and Piggypeggie.

Michelle's in the house.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 18:02:00 +0000

I'm gonna write...
Gonna start writing...

*after 2 hours of procrastination, shower and dinner*

I'm still clueless what to write and how to start this off.
Facepalms and bang myhead softly on the wall.

It's mid of December, another 18 days more to go before 2011 ends and we shall all party like rockstar to welcome the beginning of the new year, 2012. But who knows how great would it turns out to be and definitely who could predict whether is 2012 gonna be better than this year. It is too early to be said when I can't even define whatve I gone through this year. Like Ive never really live up to myself throughout the year. Lessons learnt, mistakes made, decision struggles, &insignificant friends. One fine day, some random stranger actually walked up to my table and randomly asked if I'm Shushasha that blogs and pretty active in Twitter.

My first thought in head was I couldn't care less because I was busy preparing for my paperworks, &was struggling to finish up my lunch at the same time, but I nearly dropped my jaw when he said he's been reading and following my blog since I started blogging in my previous website. It was just really nice and sweet of him that he came up to me and said hi. I guess that really made my day, when that day also turned out to be one of my biggest lesson of life; never drive in rage.

There's this one question I always pop to people that I just met; What would do you when your closest friend of all is going to leave, for their own personal reasons/study purpose? And most of the time, I would get the answer I wanna hear from them. Some would tearup, some said they will be very happy for them, &perhaps a few would be pretty pissed &still wish them Bon Voyage pleasantly though. Looking back to those days I shared with all my close friends, acquaintances, random people that I spoke to &those that successfully made to the exit in my life, I'm glad everything that happens, happened for really appropriate reasons &I managed to move on to the next chapter in life. They said, every mistake made is another lesson learnt with a price to pay. From the bottom of my heart, I still hold on to the saying, without making mistake, I wouldn't learn, &it just wouldn't be me, today. So eventually, when you do make any mistakes in your life, till the day you're still breathing right now at this moment, don't feel bad because it happened but be glad it happened and you know that you're still breathing, better &stronger than before.

I just gotta learn this the hard way, &perhaps took a longer route, slower pace. But I'll never regret choosing this path.

Okayh, moving on to Michelle's farewell party before she's leaving to Canada &we had an awesome session, pigged out in The Social, Bangsar. I thought we were going to be late for the dinner &they would cancelled my reservation, but thank goodness to my awesome driving skills, it was raining &yet we made it there right in time before the clock strikes eight! The food is reasonably cheap &it feels like home, really comfortable in our own space, I love their ambiance and lighting, guess what? They even provide pool tables!

Fong's carbonara and it tastes really good (Y)

Aryl's Arrabiata, too spicy for my liking though.

Steak sandwich and the portion is pretty huge for Ann.

Social mezze plate; mutton, lamb grills &I love their kebab!

Lasagna beef and chicken

ahmoiku, leaving on 19th!

Pegbabey

shot #1

Mr Muscular

Bryan and Fong

Wei Ann, came back from Perth; she drove to the dinner miraculously, Sherilyn &Jingli

The toast, cherry poppin' in a box *insidejoke*

bellenotbell &ahmoiku

Canadian vs Australian

Group picture

After the dinner, we chilled a while inside my car before heading over to Mist and meetup w/ Fong Number 2 from my college for a Korean farewell and bumped into a few of my friends here and there. KO-ed at 5 in the morning, before mom decided to question me anything about the dinner, I headed out again before she could bombard me with her lectures. Last but not least, I'm gonna end this post with a flattering picture of us.

Yours truly, Fong &ahmoiku

next post coming up, Tiesto fever!

Emotional tantrums

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 10:41:00 +0000

Its only 5.22 in the afternoon but my body clock is already ticking to bed. They are secretly signalling to brain asking my body to shut down asap and flipping get my ass to bed for some really good rest. This November is coming to an end again, once again I would said. Those that knows me really well, and God knows what He had put me through this year, it was really messed up but I would said, it's a pretty good exposure to what I had got through, and put me to a learning experience, that a price is infinity. As much as I would like to write, I've always find my way to procrastination, a pretty valid reason to push all my responsibilities to other factors in life, &most of time,

I wouldve said, "NO TIME LARH BOSS."

Who said it's easy to lead a happy life without worries of munneh? I bet you have not even try earning your own penny, dude. I'm not about to brag about how my earnings but at least, knowing the fact that munneh doesn't grow on trees are readily good enough to shove it to your face. Recalling those moments that I had in this year, I was supposed to blog in a week time after October 17th &guess what? Something somehow sometimes just blow my minds off for the past one month, got carried away by those thoughts and now I'm back here on my feet, standing strong despite those emotional tantrums that I had, yes tantrums I called it.

For not endowed reason, I've bugged Pegbabey and Bellenotbell for almost a month because of the dwelling and bounding stage, perhaps its just in need of a normal mental clarity check. They always tell me it's easy to move on when you least realized and pour your attention into someone, it's true. However, it's also easily said than done. Aha, but certainly it'll all boils to the a point when enough means enough, till the day you'll finally realized that everything that you were up to previously is just insanely dumb, well it's always quoted love is blind; the person in love, LAGI BLIND.

Wishing for things that I could achieve in the new year's resolutions, I'd love to reach out for certain goals in life with my own abilities, of course maybe some preaching from my parents and friends, but nevertheless, I really wanna strive for my own goals (: There's this little feelings of appreciation injected into my senses &that is just gonna motivates me to work things better. Okay, time to get some sleep before heading out again tonight.

Recap of the month(s)

Karyee and yourstruly in Aryl's open house

Shot #2

The boys; Vincent, Ravin, Fong &Jingli

My new classmates, Mandapanda and Ninjayasmin

WHERE I CALL IT MY SECOND HOME NOW (Y)

Sister's birthday and my bangs

IMMA TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO ....

PO-POKKER FACE (Lady Gaga phailed)

BUT Paulalicious has sexy thick red lips now.

Last picture of the day, Subang road trip w/ the bunch.

In loving memory of Grandpa Chang (1931 - 2011),

Despite that we don't live under one roof,

we may have the least conversations among all the siblings

and cousins, regardless how often you may have notice me in our family gatherings,

the bonding moments that we probably started to have, were reduced in such a vast manner,

that lead to such despair and regrets that one would have for that one day you'll be gone, forever.

Yeye, you'll always and forever be my dearest,

RIP. ♥

Some said its the end, I call it a start.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:04:00 +0000

I'll write soon people, stay tuned.
I would love to see more response from the readers. xx

I trying to write I.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:49:00 +0000

Life is like a Rubik's cube, trying to solve the colour and pattern in an according formulae, bur what if we don't choose that 'according' formulae and create our own, and now we called it; grasp of your own future. We'll never know when and how would we achieve success, and in midst of pursuing the future, it is a long journey down the trail, the route one least expected with unforeseen obstacles ahead.

This is what I have in mind, something I learnt and I would love to share with all the souls in the world - feeling as though it would practically helps to whoever reading this piece feeling low and down, I'm just around to put a smile to your face.

So that's it. This is just what she is made of. Simple, easy-going, kind, calm, stable, dependent and all positive vibes. You named it and yes, the answer will be. This is just going to be a modest description about her because behind all these words, you can't even find the right word to describe her, or at least to put her into such phrase. As for now, whenever her mood swings strikes, there's no other ways to catch hold of her attention, especially if she's not in the right mood to talk.

Silence is the only last thing she appreciates from others. I choose not to reveal her that much because she always believes what people gets to know its just merely what they see a person from the outside, it's just all about external beauty and appearance. To this tiny little soul, what she bothers much in her heart is the transformation of a person as they outgrow to multiple factors. She's not glad to tell the world that she grieved over a few issues that once meant the most in life, but they chose to let her down, which she finally seen all these beneath the fake masks that everyone tries so hard to hide, but it'll never be able to conceal when it is a matter of heart. Dwelling in the past doesn't give you any opportunities to move further but holding you back.

However, she could be one of the most intriguing person but also typical female that you wouldn't wish to meet. I do come across with such a scene; she can tell stories all night without you feeling bored and yet you can listen to her attentively as she could provoke your darkest secret without any intentions, perhaps she's a stimulator in human form. That's clearly just a joke. It would be good if she could finally make use of herself in helping others to overcome their darkest fear, which I really doubt so.

Back into business, I'm going to spill half of the bowl about her, something she's trying to hide from everyone else, her friends, her parents, and even her own self. She has this obsession with her skin. What one would do is to pamper their skin with all sorts of home remedies just to make their skin glow and some tiny bit of love by spending some time (inadequate time) in the bathrooms for more scrubs and massages. Now when you're reading this, she's totally opposite of what you think she is. I'm dead serious here. She doesn't shower until it's much needed, and she totally doesn't behave like one, she doesn't know what a body scrub for till she walks into the Dermatologica and got a consultation from a dermatologist. That explains her current obsession with her skin.

If you want to know anything or something unique about her, try popping up that question to her and she'll just look at you and giggles. I would be glad to repeat, she'll start off with her loud giggles and then, she's said, "Why am I unique? Because unique is me." She's that hyper that she would really laugh and burst in uncontrollably tears flowing from the corner of her eyes. I can see that she's happy receiving such compliment for the first time when she's sixteen. The conversation still replays vividly in her head. I am not going to elaborate much on her personal matters, but this girl has a really long trip back to her memory lane.

Her giggles.

That's the only thing that could brighten up any gloomy days and beat your blues away. This is out of nowhere, but honestly, if only I could read some spells and shrink her size, she will be like the tiniest thing ever like Thumbelina. This is just pun-intended and I feel that her giggles are a awakening call to all that laughters bring everyone together regardless your nationality, skin colour and the language you spoke. It's good indeed that she tries so hard to erase all negative vibes in her and her loved ones, for at least keep them far away from them and hoping for a better tomorrow, but as good as it sounds, she forgotten about her little devil inside her.

She party, she drinks, she shouts, she hyped, but those were all the days she doesn't wish to recall not a single piece of them. Pushing off the corrupted sheets in life to the back of her mind is just something she wish to invent, at least a vaccine to repent for all the sin she had done for the past 19 years of life. She's young but she knows that it's not going to be a bed of roses in times to come. As she grows older, she learns how society works and that's when she clearly understands that effort has a price to pay. And it's your judgements that leads to the possibilities far beyond your expectations. Not going to recycle the quote, "Expectation leads to disappointment" but having least expectations means lowering possibilities. So which one would you prefer?

Last but not least, I'm sure you're pretty clear who was I talking about all these while, thankyou for spending your time here today. :D

P.S : And if you're not, spend your time reading the second time and find out. I'm not telling you. kbai.

Note : This is not done for ads or any other purposes, simply meant for my assessment and Mr. Nick's request. And some of the details and relevant information are merely made up to provoke sensation.

formspring.me

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:05:00 +0000

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/shushasha

a good excuse.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 06:17:00 +0000

oh my.

Hello mellow people.

This smells like a pretty rotten blog

Quoted by yours truly. Heh, I have to apologise to all from the very bottom of my heart, it's been an almost few months I've been pretty laid back and sadly, detached from this entire blogsphere. Hiding at one petty corner, out of the gloomy deceitful social globe, it comes to the point I understand all used, bruised and fuckedup~~dried~~ me wouldn't wanna stay static and dwell in the past anymore. Had countless of times trying to stay outve the drama everyone wanna be involved, learning how hard not to be bothered about their nasty comments &judgments, and how honesty plays a role in a friendship. Thankyou for making this 2010 worthwhile something I learnt, it's been a whole long month for heartbroken-fearlesspainguts-to-incrediblehulk-bouncefreepain.

UNICORN?

How well practically anyone defines unicorn? It's just the skinnier, whiter, better looking version of a hippo, bet no one could agree more to this. I'm pretty sure, anyone who watched Strangers again or even read their xanga, most prolly you could understand their terms of unicorn. It's pretty skeptical that anyone here reading this post right now eventually met your self-proclaimed-unicorn. When other have their own says on this, I personally have my own novel about this.

I wouldn't have said that I'd been through the ocean so deep, the forest so thick, the mountains high up, but definitely the bits from these &that that mould me into the form today. I've learn that nothing comes w/o a little effort, some thoughts in mind &at least some gestures and actions to be taken.

In less than what others conclude about me, those that knows me the least have more to talk about me, which leaves heaps of incredulous thoughts on how did they managed to have so many things to talk regarding someone that you've not spoken to before? Perhaps, that's just how life goes, w/ some spices &herbs from their conversation that makes days more interesting &dramatic, at certain times.

For my self-fulfilling thoughts, I have liking for scents since young, despite a really sensitive nose I've - I sniff a lots. ( I do sniff my own stuffs, very much) Yet, I still believe everyone has their own personal brand of scent, not in such a way of BRAND's brand, like Dior, Calvin Klein but just your own personal label of the scent. I recalled those days when I was young, I used to creep into my 'rents room and sniff them when they are soundly asleep.
And till the day you finally lose the scent you longing to sniff, they sealed in your mind. Anything that resemblances of the scent reminds you of the person, a lot.

Just some personal thought about my unicorn. Take note of what happened in 3 months back ;D

Photo rolls

Ahmoiku in Curve, thankyou for the Chatime delivery.

ahmoiku and her boyfriend, weiyang.

Sushi zanmai, I'm so sick of Japanese food like ~~seriously~~ honestly.

Cindy's birthday

This is the fathers' day cake surprise, sister ruined it. :X

Kenny's first visit to the female washroom.

(Okay, I lied, not his first!)

I started learning photography this semester.

First photoshoot with my nephew, Jeremy.

Last but not least, stay tune for the upcoming post. xx

eccentrically bold, no?

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 18:33:00 +0000

Finals are over, and upcoming Year 2 is definitely a different definition for college. Ironically, expressing my thoughts and emotions in blog gave me a whole new clarity of who Ive been, what was I upto &contrast to that, I never wanna look back to the past of whom I longing to be.

The shyts of what I gone through was beyond the expectations everyone wouldve perceived &had, it'd been quite a several times I was questioned, it was a bizarre thought I never learnt the difference I was made into, but expect the least unexpected is always a catastrophe.

Practically, anything that stumbled upon my mind at this hour, couldn't be the right thing stirring up my thoughts, as well as messing w/ my emotions, giving a free-ride of roller coaster, but heck who cares? It definitely not the right time to be encountering these mood swings &goosebumps considering the outcomes and consequences of the-whatifs &whatsnot.

Give me an answer, and I would give it a shot.

~~Despite the apocalypse days I had~~, look at the bright side.

Life goes on &thank God for placing wonderful people in my life &brighten my days. *inserts names*

I tell you right, when I've having dilemma of whatudu in life, you should actually sort me outve the list to ask for advices, choices, opinions, etc. Feeling so entirely cranky during the day &the most annoying human bugging your ears off your head &literally, screaming for earplugs and slapping me till I shutup. (And yes, I was that loud when I hyped)

I'd had tried keeping quiet &still, but it's just not me if I do have millions of thoughts running in my mind. I demand for an answer, at least whats not a question in head. I should head to be soon &long post ahead on birthdays parties & trip.

I'll post a very well-behaved picture of my sister, testing out my new toy :P

Say harlow to my new baby, Shasta.

February is in love

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:48:00 +0000

Harro.

It's been quite a long absence since my previous post, blame the missing mojo that I used to have when my passion for blogging is growing fonder day by day, lesser by then after more assignments pouring in. I'll promise to keep this alive, ASAP. As for now, it's Valentine people.

I do hope you guys have a beautiful loving Monday; without the blues and cramps. Semester 3 starts in few hours time. As for now, to those who knows me well enough, I'll straight things up w/o any hesitations. Party up people, pop a cherry and spread the love (Put on your HORN-eh horns tonight too!)

I stole this somewhere

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:22:00 +0000

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. -letlooselove

And I clearly know that state I'm getting thru nao :)

Transform 1, 2, 3

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 03:25:00 +0000

Aye aye, merry christmas people. It's been so long since my last entry. Ohmaigawd, I just realized my 2010 filled with dramas, epicfailed issues and of course whole sail of my emotions and to put everything back into pieces. Of those heartbroken days and toyed/used/burnt moments, glad that everything regain its normality nao. I was thinking whether what should I actually throw my attention to the next year, JENG JENG JENG :)

Year 2 of Public Relations. Moving on, it's gonna be semester 3, time flies that fast without any notices. 7 months back, I was still struggling to pick my course, indecisive on Mass Communication or Business, flashback lagi further, I was still in Kuching, serving National Service for another 3 months, LAGI FURTHER would be taking SPM and the post-SPM period.

I assumed that everyone nao is breaking free larh, SPM is over, Christmas is over too and New Year is coming. OH YAY. It means more fun, more new people and more hyped events coming up :)

Look at the changes wei. Let's play photo hunt. :)) Bob hair, chubby cheeks

Chubbier cheeks, shoulder length hair

I swear I was tanned like a muthafucking black~~bitch~~ :( ROSY cheeks, small eyes, and black hair

Ashbrown hair colour, untrimmed hair for 4 months, and heavyeyebags

And finally dark brown hair colour, defined brows and oh ignore my mouth :P

I believed every of these changes are opt for good, I should come up with a new year's resolution list soon. There're tonnes of things in the to-do list &must-do list. Shall get ready for my class nao. :) See you people in the next post. Tell me about your transformation too :DD

EXAM FINALS IN 2 weeks. fml

You need a title here.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:19:00 +0000

It's not all about the time and places that matters in being the state where you are placed now. Ive been through ofve the dones and undones; no rewind button but just keep fast forwarding as fast you could to get yourself outta this fcking damn situation. Buried, used, and suckeddry emotions, feelings, care and thoughts would possibly turn me into someone stronger than before; in every tear drop shed and fell, there's this reason supporting the girl pursue w/ what she wants in life. To every asshole out there, cheers for you turning a girl into a state they are now. To every chick you've striving to be strong &'ll, cheers to you for letting them make you a stronger and awesome-r person than before.

Yet to come across and swallow every tad bits of guts I still have to care for the thoughts I still spare for you, unfortunately it's dissolving into the sea of regrets.

in precise of the last piece.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 16:27:00 +0000

I'm slowly turning my blog into Tumblr soon; it's not a good sign. As awesome as I want things to be, but its so contradict to what I actually want in life. I failed to max when it comes to you.

You said it was all because of L, but I chose to believe this would work better for us, it's keeling us inside. But giving you up is also hardest part of all.

'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I soon realize this is not a dream; a reality and truth I don't wanna swallow.
The second day we chose to walk out of each other's life. Despite every drop of tears, cracked-used-worn brokenhearts, tad bits drop of blood I poured, I still love you, mrbiiboy. You never know this right?

Tumblr not?

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 16:32:00 +0000

I'm kinda having thoughts to settle down in Tumblr. Any opinions/suggestions/comments should I?

I still do, mrbiiboy.

Fullstop.

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 10:12:00 +0000

I have never expect you to blurt out that two words. I'm emotionally down-turned now. I can't think right, please put some senses back into me. If there's a reason I want you to stay, it would always be I love you.

But right now, 就算了吧坏人我来做 .

what if

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 15:50:00 +0000

Sometimes, reality just hit right back onto my face whenever I have these thoughts about you, and us. The days we get to spend together are so numbered and little, it's the least from what we can both expect from one another. Is this what we worth fighting for all this while? It's amazing how you melt me during the conversation we both shared, food and delicacies we feed one another, stupid spanks and tickles we had, and of course the anticipating moments we both treasured within that one week. I do hope what I'm looking for is just right the one lies behind that face, I need the heart that combines perfectly to mine. Boy, get me right? It's not gonna be easy.

Happy 7thmonthsary, boyfriend ♥

7 months and still counting on.

Long post ahead :D

Terlalu lambat

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 16:45:00 +0000

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. When was the last time I really sit down and pinned every single of my thoughts down eversince I came back from Sarawak? When was the last time I really regain my normality in full mode? When was the last I being the party animal among my clicks? When was the previous period of time I really let myself out? How did all these changes took place when deep inside me I hadn't have the chance to even look back after all the changes made in within these few months time?

Love my lashes? She zoom zoom zoom to snap my big face! fml

I used to be so dependent on someone, my family and my friends but something inside me just changed. No longer, lively &the outspoken me, nosy and chatterbox (or maybe I still do poke my nose in certain issues larh) but still, I hope everything will just back to the same old time. As close to what I really hope for and what I need, I just need to be alone from all these shyts happening in my days. I guess, the people around me would even notice these tiny changes slowly engulfing my very own behavioral acts and the way I took charges of my decisions. I'm just so insane.

Movie marathon was awesome, the only way to kill all emoness and symptoms of depressions. It's just so splendid when you get to spend time with great people when you're at your lowest point. Trust me, that's just the only way to kill the emo-monster inside you.

Candid

Had time-to-time chilling out sessions with the girls, but no photography sessions with the chicks, can't help it when my camera was sent to the shop; got it back recently though! And life is nothing w/o photography. Celebrated Minyak's birthday at Michelangelo’s Ristorante, SOHO KL. Happy belated birthday, Aryl! (Appreciate this belated post) He brought along one of his friend; a Sabahan. Awkward and I tagged along Missysa after work, rushed all the way to her place after I simply grab a shower and skipped my pilates class. The biggest joke of the day was, we were lost in Mont Kiara and took a ride around the housing area because none of us know the way back to our place! Ahahahahaha, but the gathering was awesome; Meiyin was there with here Fuji instant camera. Seriously, I wanna own one and all blames shall goes to Meiyin because it was fucking chio!

Aryl finally becomes legal 18! (;

For some time, she's so busy working till she finally came out and join us

Polaroid makes people go flawless! Madness

Missysa and Kiefy

Kangaroojoey and yourstruly

Raya Day 2 was very unproductive as well. Headed to Perak and got home by late noon; camwhoring with the lousy sister in the car during flow of journey. I typically rot at home, feeding my fats most of the time. Damansara-Ipoh-Tambun-Kampar all in a day, would've laid my fat ass right on my couch as soon I allowed my eyelids rest.

Picture perfect ♥

I felt like killing these emo bugs in me now. I relent to what soever that just take charge of my feelings now, don't try me when I'm at my lowest. Feeling so helplessly tiredly thinking insight of what's gonna happen next gave me butterflies in my tummy.
Can you tell me you ♥ me as much as I do now?

Shall end the post with a very pretty picture of us♥♥

I know it's wrong to steal ; but...

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 13:39:00 +0000

I did. Oops

I read it somewhere somehow somewhat in Tumblr, and come across again in Facebook; Hweeyee stole it &now again from Shermaine's blog. I'm gonna steal and post it here. Personally, I find this relates to most people here, including me. Tell me your decent opinion if you think I'm wrong.

Love is a funny thing.

You expect it to be easy.

You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.

You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it.

You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away.

You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans.

But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy.

People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love.

It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it.

What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded.

It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway.

It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you.

As long as you have it. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross.

Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future.

It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

Long hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 15:28:00 +0000

I finally got the stuffs I want all the time.

Camera, checked.
Netbook, checked.

I promise a real update soon. My days and moods were on a roller-coaster ride this entire months. Bear with me, please?
*BIGWETEYES*

Yes, I do need you. Do you really need me?

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 15:00:00 +0000

Hi people.

It wasn't that nice and pleasant after starting college once again. It's good to know that the people used to exist, spend countless time &effort just to be with you for just a simple session and catch up with what had gone so wrong in mind, just in thoughts how wonderful and awesome one could be, as much as how malicious and nasty he could turn to in just a couple of days, boy!

Neither these or thats are bothering me afterall. It's more than that to occupied the brain cells lately, college has been so unkind to me and buried me with lots of assignments these days. But many have said, this is just the starting - can I find myself a good hideout for the semester break nao? Just a little too early before everything has an answer to them, I was a little freak out now.

No one, (not my parents, my sister, my grandpa/grandma, aunties or friends) not even any of the closest ones in my life could give me a definite answer of my path in days to come, 10 years kah? Or maybe eventually after I graduate from any institution. Indecisive is playing a role in me so often, I can't even decide what to eat for breakfast sometimes. When one is exposed to variety of choices, multiples of selections, tell me if you could. It's not easy when you have to really settle down for a decision you have to bear with tonnes of consequences later. I can't imagine how would it turned out to be in 5 years time, sweeping floor by the street or working my career out in a company. Neither any of these is what I want, thought of leaving and you know, probably a backpack traveler, in that sense I get to explore more interesting happenings around the globe. This is just a dream, too good to be true and what more allowing that to happen.

Neither you nor me knows what's gonna happen, as if some psychic could predict our future, perhaps larh. Wait till you found one and I met mine, I post here kay? (And he's gonna make lots of munneh. FHL) I've been bragging so much about my future and career, I conceived of writing more on my relationships and personal stuffs. Too much of exposure to the blogosphere may somehow creeps me off sometimes.

As it did, as always.

14/07/2010

I was so enthralled of the wholesome ideas and plans of going over to the another end of the country but also remains really anxious of getting to another unfamiliar places. It just feel so fuckin' good to get out of my own comfort zone and opt for some challenging adventures; alone. But this thing just didn't get too far. Plans always remain as just plans. I had so many stuffs in mind, lately; bearing too much them consumed so much of brain juice and memory cells somehow lead me to bury myself into this whole dead me. A body without a soul and mind, does this makes sense to you now?

This may sounds stupid but I can take up to 1001 changes made to my life, but am just the girl you can basically grab one from the street; looking out for the perfect one in a relationship. Mind me, what I meant is someone who may just treat me right and deserve me. All I've gone through lately put me to a second level of thoughts, deeper and inner. I no longer feel the same anymore after what we've gone through lately. Wouldn't I conclude that you have changed, but things just tend to outgrow themselves in the matter of time and place. As the saying goes, promises are meant to be broken but I do hold on promises when I think it's really worth holding on but I no longer find any reasons for myself to think that way anymore longer. It's been piling up these thoughts ever since things just didn't go right. It did not gone left, but it gone so wrong; I can't help feeling very vulnerable to what you have always did to me.

Well, it's totally not wrong when you hold up to a certain expectations from your partners occasionally but not at most times, all you do was just expecting and not giving in. Therefore, why do you expect the another half to be the one committing into this one-sided relationship? It's not gonna bring you closer, but further!
I need to sign off for my assignments, dang!

I don't want to be needed, I want to be wanted

Some called it love, some named it a game

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 18:52:00 +0000

Now tell me this is so true.

Sick

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 18:42:00 +0000

I love you more than words could ever be written, but you just can't stop pulling me apart from all these emotional thoughts. I build a bridge that far but all you could were just tumble 'em down. What else do you expect me to say?

Do I still...?

I'll have a proper update real soon, bloggin' mojo!

Out and spare

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 15:12:00 +0000

Things are getting so busy these days, shall have a proper update soon, bear with me. *bigweteyes I need to fucking destress.

Can someone get me away from this, please?

His big day ♥

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Wed, 12 May 2010 03:59:00 +0000

Hello people.

It's a pleasure that I finally get to pin my thoughts again, after such a long break. Officially a Tarcian now, and currently a freshman in Mass Communication. I swear this is so hectic. Have never expected that college days would be this tiring and exhausted compared to the high school schedule. ♥ never ending tuitions with my girlfriends and massive lepaks we had at the stairways &of course, the sneaking up sessions back to class when the teacher is still in front, writing down the pages of homeworks!

Often greet them as teachers are commonly known for lecturers now and then. It's quite a big change when we are so used to address the Ones that guide us through our lessons changed so differently, used-to-be familiar friendly faces to so-unfamiliar-stern-looking-people now. Oh, I'm not trying to say that my lecturers are not nice and all, they are great people afterall, they made my second day lively. Had a brief introduction in lecture hall, it wasn't really that exciting, but at least he made my day interesting, exclude the boring games and lame intros of the course.

I got lost in the middle of nowhere in the second day of college. We went all around the place, looking for the cyber centre and ended in another end, School of Tech. I swear the weather is momma-fuckin' hot that day, we sweat like mad pigs over there, and eventually we lost our direction back to the place we were from. Bet the seniors must be thinking these freshmen are really having some jolly time walking around in the college with wet tees.wtf

There and then, I have something to announce...

It's my Mrbiiboy's 18th birthday!

Awww ♥ and poor baby will be having his morning class as usual tomorrow. I hope you'll enjoy your class despite those boring lectures in the hall. & baby, just for you to know, I know it's not easy for you to work and study at the same time, things must have gone really tough and tired in you, but I certainly pray that you'll be in bliss in most of the time, because we all know that how hard that you have worked on will certainly pays off well with great outcomes in the upcoming years, I meant OUR upcoming years. This may be our very first celebration on your birthday, but certainly there will be more following up, your 19th, 20th, 21st and still counting on. You see, its not that easy when our bodies and minds are way far apart, souls and hearts are combined into ONE! You know you can always have me there for you when you need a good listener, a sweet talker, and also a shoulder for you to lean on. (literally, I can be very strong too, okay baby?)

Eighteen, may sounds too good to be true, active, vibrant, young, energetic, lively stage, just about to hit legal and being very independent for every choices and decisions you made. It's no longer, "Mommy, can I have pumpkin pies for breakfast today?" *bigsmackonmyhead

But occasionally, I still scream to my mom in the morning, "MOM! I want to eat wantanmee!"

"with extra wantans please. Thankyou."
*dozed back to sleep*

Yeah, I'm reaching 18 soon. wtf

*drumrolls and throws confetti*

Right, baby? You're just officially older than me by errr.. 2 weeks only larh.
And ...

Happy 2months, 2weeks, 2 days anniversary, mrbiiboy!

It marks everything in 2, after such a graceful period of time I been so far away from you. It's really an eyesore looking at people around me in pairs, but certainly something I would wanna hold on tight to, especially when I'd be thinking the one at another end of Malaysia waiting for the day when we finally get to meet again. It's NOT gonna be easy, emphasized - but I'll try to keep it simple, as easy as that, I miss you, mrbiiboy.

It's all in 2, because I want every path in the following days, months and years, would be our days together,
It's all in 2, because I would never want to lose the important One,
It's all in 2, because we will always be in pair whenever our minds are all out,
It's all in 2, because that's what brings us together,
It's all in 2, because I never want to lose you to any of them,
and here two of us ♥
& still counting on.

P.S :// I love you, Oscar ♥

It is my momma's day

noreply@blogger.com (Shushasha) — Fri, 07 May 2010 04:39:00 +0000

Mothers' Day is around the corner.

Oh, what can I recall how did I celebrate Mother's Day last year and also few years back? It never seems to be a good memory about it though. I still remember the scene was just awkward and epic after throwing a big fight in the family. Never judge one when you never personally know. It seems to be a fact, that I never expect people nowadays could turn into such a whiner, all they could thought of was just, thinking what can they receive but never once come across their mind about what could they give.

Why so selfish larh?

How did all these random thoughts ran through my pea-sized brain?

Personally, I often think that how did I brought to the world.
Who controls birth? Why am I delivered? Is there a reason to it?

Oh maybe I do.

Because my parents were young and naïve, they totally forget about prevention. Or they need a child to complete a family? Perhaps, on second thoughts, they simply just want me in their lives. So now which may appeal to be the correct one? Certainly I would pray and cross fingers they actually appreciate and want me for the sake of having me as their child and not due to certain traditional family customs. It would be quite saddening if I would to find out the fact that my parents were hoping for a boy, but to find out they gave birth to a cock-less one. It may sound very rude here, because I practically find it very offensive for the parents these days,(I’m not pin-pointing anyone here) just the thoughts of it when I often come across several elders that generally assumed that boys make better grandchildren compared to the girls. That's generally how the society thinks and works on the same concept, they are just sexism. Why would they always wanna make comparisons on females and males? Aren't us all creation of God and we were all given the same label?

Question ; is there a necessity and right for the society to judge our abilities?

It's not wrong for them to state their views but also to realize that it's up to nobody to judge what a person a can do. Human tend to outshine their greatest strength when they have to overcome obstacles in life, and basically when there's a competition, then here comes improvement.

It's not wrong to born babies larh! Our country need more people larh!

Well, for this, I would refer to the family with unstable and low income. Why would they have to bear with the pains and financial matters when they couldn't run the family well and having plenty of children? It's education that matters. I don't wanna accustomed by the mindset of having a big family is a bliss. Perhaps, when I grow old, I would take back that sentence. Nevertheless, who don't hope for a family filled with laughter and giggles of these young lively bright kids? However, before deciding to build a family 'officially' it takes up lots of consideration and spare some thoughts of certain aspects.

Can you give them shelter, a conducive environment for a proper development for your child?
Have you prepare yourself to commit yourself entirely to the family, taking up the responsibilities to be come the role model to your child?
Are you prepared emotionally, mentally, physically as well as financially? (Milk powders are not cheap)
Considering, taking up lessons such as young parenting. Could you put up with those mindless stunts from your child?
Have you even line out the future pathways for your child?

All of us here knows it definitely not easy to become a parent, especially a mom when these ladies can undergo 187564059477365 of hardships but never utter a word. Imagine how impressive moms could be.

As age creeps up on my mom, it's not just wrinkles and fine lines that appear but also unkind memories that piled up in years she spent with me, she had done most of the everything a mom could do for their daughter. But what have I done for her? Spend her on the most inexpensive treat - cooking a meal for her. Been there & done that. Giving her smoochies. Getting her a diamond ring. Flowers, roses in particular. Spa vouchers and facial treatments.

I often think how would I feel like and what do I expect from a child when I finally have a child of my own?

I want my child to excel in studies, having good looks, being very presentable in the public, having good communicating skills, and sure but not least, being in pink of health. Of all these wants, ain't health play the most important role compared to all?

After mindless of thoughts, now I'm wondering where should I bring my mom this Sunday?
Share your Mother's Day story with me!