The Seafront Diaries

Small steps

2009-11-04T14:43:00.005Z

Hey blog world, I'm back! Yes, I'm still alive, I'm not dead, at least not yet !

Before I go on with the blog, I would just like to take this moment to offer a few words of thanks, yes, thank you to those that sent messages, emails, texts or left comments, your messages of support, understanding and offers of friendly ears or shoulders to cry on are greatly appreciated, truly I do thank you most sincerely. Touched, I certainly was and indeed I remain.

I don't want to sound melodramatic, make a drama out of nothing, I don't want you to be reading this and hearing the violin strings vibrating a sad refrain, I'm just being honest, it's been a hard few weeks to get to a place where I can move on. That has bee the main reason I've been absent from this blog and the internet, and the world in general. I needed to reorder my mind, my soul and my life.

You see, I truly believed that in Matt I had found the future, I honestly felt, he was 'The One' The guy that I'd been waiting for, searching for, hoping for and dreaming of since I first found out it wasn't just for peeing with! I'm not stupid, I've been in love before and whilst I do like to dream, believe in romance and fate, I still think I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground - pretty much most of the time.

When that boy, that Matthew, came into my life, he didn't just creep in, slide in to play a bit part, no, when he came in, he came into it completely, like a tornado! My life was turned on it's head, everything was different, turned upside down and back again. I'd never ever felt such emotion for one person as I did for him. I would wake in the morning and he was the first thing on my mind, the last thoughts of the day were of him, and I'm sure if I could remember my dreams, he'd have been there as well! It's not an exaggeration when I say he was, my earth, my moon, my stars, my sun, my water and my food. I would have laid down my life for him, willingly, and gladly in a matter of seconds with no complaint or procrastination, such was the pure, honest and powerful love for him!

I loved him, most sincerely and completely than I have perhaps loved anyone or anything else in my life. And thus, was planning on spending the rest of my life with him, no matter where that would take me. Previously, Id considered myself pretty settled, secure, perhaps comfortable in my life, but after Matt had entered my world in a most unexpected way, everything changed. Instead of thinking in Brighton I'd be for the rest of my life, there I was planning on shifting life and location over to the relatively flat and vast expanse that is the wilds of Southern Illinois.

To be honest, home is where the heart is, and the heart was wherever Matt was, so, him having chosen to live in the States, then that is where home would be. His six months over here in England was, to me a honeymoon period of bliss, pure happiness, delight and something I will always treasure. The almost three months of him going back Stateside was for me nothing short of torture. Then, I had three months over there, laying the foundations on which to start the building that would be our lives together. Yes, we had our difficulties, out of my comfort zone, being more needy and demanding, but I firmly believed in the long term outcome would warrant any short term troubles.

Yes, I was ready to give up everything I held dear in England to go and live in the middle of small town America, where summertime temperatures dance around the 104 Fahrenheit mark thermometer. Yet in winter ice storms regularly cause havoc, bringing down power lines for days at a time. Added to that is the knowledge is that it's in a tornado belt - as I witnessed myself back in May, but hey once you've been through one, you can get through another!

I'd even searched online for properties for sale in the local area, so I wouldn't worry about Matt having to struggle to earn money to pay rent whilst studying at university, in fact, I'd find one, been sent photos and I was one month away from signing on the dotted line and handing over the deposit - well half the purchase price (things are cheaper over there! I was looking forward to surprising Matt with this news, thinking the keys to a house would out weigh any doubts about a life together and my commitment to him and America, he thought I may have.

Our lives had entwined, our future seemed sure, yes, it was going to be hard until I had a visa and could settle in American permanently, but things were moving on. I could cope with the distance, because I thought I'd found 'The one' and hey, we had the rest of our lives to spend together, so whats a month or so now? Then there was his email. Yes that email, as spoken of in the last post here on the blog.

I rushed over to America, to Carbondale as soon as I could and as soon I could get time off work. I had to go, there was no doubt in my mind. Ok, so I could ill afford the thousand pounds it was going to cost me, but if I had not raced over, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I was excited at being able to see him again, at being close, yet scared, worried and concerned all at the same time.

He was my dream boy, my future, my everything, so when he told me on the phone that it was over, all over, without any input from me, no chance of discussion, of appeal, of reason, no second chances, no going back, no hope. The course of my future was crushed, broken, shattered. My dreams, my future aspirations of a life with the boy I loved, more than the stars in the night skies, more than the endless waves that brush and kiss the shore of Brighton, more than the my heart knew. My dreams, desires and everything I wanted was blown away, picked up and dropped from a great height, which is exactly what my heart felt when I put down the phone on Matt and what would have been, could have been our life together.

That hotel room suddenly seemed so large, and I so small! My life is not a movie and I'm no movie star, the world went on turning, there wasn't a sad soundtrack gently creeping in, there wasn't a flashback to a happier time, nope it was just me, heart beating so hard in my chest, in a shabby hotel room, small and alone. Suddenly my mind, previously so full of thoughts and so many questions was empty, shocked into nothingness, complete nothingness.

I moved hotels, different town, yet ask me about those intervening hours now, what I did, or where I went, I couldn't say for sure. I was in a daze, a mental limbo, a dull dark and lonely place, I could talk and walk, I could answer questions and order taxi's but I couldn't think, not deep thought, not about anything important. It was as if my mind wasn't mine, that it belonged to someone else.

That new hotel room was less shabby, more spacious, cleaner, more comfortable, yet I didn't wanna be there, but then again, I didn't want to be anywhere. It sounds so funny, hearing the words in my head now and seeing them in black and white on the page that I type, but I truly was empty, my heart and head was pretty much an empty void, I was only just functioning. Leaving my cash card in the ATM, packed one of a pair of shoes, broke my phone and tried to cross an 8 lane highway with my eyes closed, was indicative of how and what state my mind was in.

I was alone, numb, lost and in a strange town in a different country. My heart experienced a dull ache, as if each beat was suddenly 50% harder to complete. I sat on the window ledge in that room, gazing out to the parking lot, without really seeing anything, I hugged my knees to my chest and slowly rocked back and forth.

If this were a story written by Anne, or a movie, then tears would fall from my eyes as a metaphoric storm would rage outside. I'd sob away, water would streak down my checks as the rain followed suit upon the windowpane outside. But, this isn't fiction, Ms Brooke didn't create this, a film or TV drama it was not, nope this was my life, my fate and my heart break, and tears, they didn't fall, they stung the back of my eyes yes, but fall they didn't, I think I was way too numb for them to create rivers down my sullen face.

I have to admit, that while I sat there in that hotel, lost, lonely, confused and empty that I wished not to be around any more. I felt utterly foolish, a guy my age feeling like this, I'm the one that's supposed to be in control of my feelings, I'm supposed to be stronger than that. If anyone was going to dump anyone, it should have been me, I should have been the one to boot him out of my life forever for being too selfish, being insensitive fool, for being too immature, for being unfaithful - which he was, but I didn't, I loved him so much that those things, cope with I could, would and did. So when he broke that love, when he ended everything, my heart, soul and very being was shattered. I felt I could not carry on, actually that's not quite right, I could carry on, but more to the point - I didn't want to!

Honestly, I was breathing, I was looking out the window and the American rain splashing down on the ground, my eyes looking, but not really seeing. My mind struggling to retain a single thought of anything other than Matt for more than a few seconds. I tried to go on with things, I even did a little shopping, walked to the mall but it held little interest for me. I sat and choked back the tears that stung the back of my eyes as I drank a cappuccino. I walked back to the hotel in the pouring rain, yet I didn't much notice, , but I couldn't think, I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink all I did was gaze out of the window, drink coffee.

I had the TV on, it was the local news, yet it was little more than background noise, I sat in the window, gazing out on the human race and not feeling part of it, I wasn't sure of the passage of time, just every now and then I would make some more coffee or make use of the bathroom. Day became dusk which turned into night which gave way to dawn and then another day, could it really have been a whole 24 hours I'd been sitting there? It could and it was. My whole being ached, getting over Matt was not going to be easy.

Now, we're a few weeks on, I can't honestly say what has been the hardest part, telling people that Matt and I were over? That he dumped me, without any good reason, coming to realise that I was single again, or that all those dreams were never going to come to fruition. Everything has been difficult, many times, I've wanted it all to disappear, or perhaps I just wanted to disappear myself, to just vanish into the darkness that engulfed my heart. I withdrew from life, life in general, online life, blogging and everything. I needed to rebuild, rebuild my life, rebuild myself.

I've gone to work, gone through the motions, painted on the smile and been the funny foolish gay one by the window, quick with a joke, or an ego stroke, but inside I'm as empty as the vacuous black hole this planet will one day fall in to. I suppose this has something to do with the complete lack of contact with Matt, the way he suddenly went all cold and callouse, the relationship may have died, but he could have still kept in a little contact. I've had to grieve as if he were dead, at least that's what I've told myself. I think I've had to behave that way in order for some resemblance of normality to find it's way back in to my life and soul. I've been angry with him, hated him, felt sorry for him, I've cried for him, for the ending, for the future I will now no longer enjoy. I've tried to remember and also forget those dreams. Memories of things we'd done, places we'd been or silly things we had said or done or experienced have rapidly passed before my minds eye as does a movie in the cinema.

It's been a while, I think I'm finally on the other side, yes, it hurts a great deal, but I'm over the worst. I can now get out of bed without wishing I were dead, without my heart aching painfully at Matt's absence from my life. I can now get through a day without thinking, too much about him, of the life we could of had, that we should have had. I can now go about my daily business without the dull ache in my heart causing tears to sting the back of my eyes at every turn. I can now remember the silly things that were Matt and I without my whole body breaking down.

I've started to make little changes to my world, to my life, to face the future, that I can't look too deeply at. So, here we are, that's it, we're now at this present moment in my life. This is where life begins again, a rebirth if you will, it's another start. Another road on life's highway, I have no idea where it will lead, what will become of me, of what will happen or where this path will lead me. I know that I will never forget Matthew, I know I will never fall in love like that again, nor will I allow myself to be hurt like that ever again.

I'm proud to write for and

The long goodbye........

2009-10-09T00:45:00.004+01:00

This is perhaps the hardest blog I've ever written and maybe, will ever write, I'm feeling so empty now, physically and emotionally that I have no idea if I'll write another blog, or even finish this post.

A couple of weeks ago I received an email from Matt, after a few days of not talking, time and distance plays it part callously.

"I don't know what to say anymore. I have written and deleted probably 40 different emails on what I would say, and to be honest, I really don't know what to say anymore. I am going to speak my heart, no matter how much it hurts, or how worried I may be about what I say. I am no longer able to give you the attention, time, or love that you need. I gave you the most love that I could, and I still do love you, nothing will change that. I just feel at this stage in my life, I need to do whats right for me. I need to focus on my education."

It came as a bolt of lightning from a clear blue sky, it shock me to my very core, there I was getting a 'Dear John' email from the one person in the world I have ever truly loved with my entire being, the one person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the person and I don't say this flippantly or lightly, but the person I would have gladly layed my life down for.

I obviously wrote back, trying to smooth over this 'speed bump' in relationship road, thinking that it was just a little hiccup, knowing that sometimes he does tend to think too much, thinking that he was a little down because his little birdy, Salsa, had died. But, the reply I got back was rather more blunt. "I just don't love you like I did, and it pains me incredibly to say this. I'm not going to waste your time - but it's time to say goodbye. I have to go my own way, and you yours" I sent him emails back, but got no reply. I pulled the 'Big' trick out, and in true Sex & The City style sent him an email every day containing a love poem, or a love letter from a great man of history, some long and some short. Just like Carrie in the movie, Matt didn't reply.

I found myself thinking back on things, wondering what went wrong, what I could have possibly done to warrant such action, he was just ignoring me, ignoring the pain I was embarking on, the pain that was swallowing me up whole, consuming the very essence that is Jason Shaw.

I didn't let on at work, or to friends, what had happened, what was going on, mainly I think because I didn't want to admit it to myself, for I guess if I admitted it, then it would be true and the relationship would be over. It was partly that, but also because I had hope, I know that Matt has taken me to a place within me that I thought I'd never find, a place of knowledge, I'd finally found the person I'd been waiting for all my life. And, to have that taken away with no, or very little contact was more than I could bear and more than I could allow.

I apologise to those that I was less than honest with when you enquired about Matt, I blamed our lack of contact on the 4000+ miles of distance between us, I blamed his university schedule, I blamed his work schedule, I blamed the 6hour time difference. I blamed everything other than the the responsible parties, namely Matt and myself, but at that time I still had hope!

Yes hope, they say it's not over till the fat lady sings, well let me tell you now folks, that fat lady is half way through a mega long concert right now. But, I had a little hope, I thought that if I flew all the way to America, if I spoke to him face to face, that I could win back his heart, that I could make him see that there really was a future for us, that, no mater the distance, our hearts were close. You may think I'm crazy, that I have no sensible or sane bone in my body, perhaps that's true, I don't know, but what I do know that is if I didn't try, I'd regret it and regret it for the rest of my life. I knew that I couldn't let go of the love of my life that easily. I couldn't say goodbye to the future without at least trying to save it from inhalation.

So, I booked off time from work, booked a flight and a hotel and commenced a 24 hour journey to Illinois, via Canada. I booked in to a Super 8 motel, across from University Mall in Carbondale, mainly because it was far enough away from Carterville that I wouldn't be seen before I had chance to put my foolish plan into action in a couple of days. It was also just a taxi ride away from the apartment I'd called my American home.

The morning after my long trip stateside, I crossed the road, 7 lanes of traffic to get to the the mall across from the hotel, well you know me, I do love a bit of shopping. Then suddenly, right before me, was Matt's car, parked across from the hotel, a way from then entrance. My heart skipped several beats, the hairs on the back of my neck stood upright, to attention, my inside trembled. I went up to the window, he was shocked to see me. "What...what are you doing here..." he stammered, this was not how it was supposed to be, this was not how I had planned or rather not planned it to be. He didn't look pleased to see me, in fact more the opposite, not in any single one of my possible scenarios that my mind had worked on since I decided I was heading America way, was this happening.

He had to rush off to university, but before he did he told me he'd come to my hotel that evening at 9 to talk. I went off in to the mall, although shopping was the last thing on my mind, the last thing I was capable of. I have no idea what what going on in my head, all I knew is my body was shaking so much that I had to sit for a little while, before I fell to the floor. That little while turned out out be almost an hour, before a very pressing pain in my bladder forced me to come back to the here and now, back to life.

Matt didn't call or come over that night, every second I waited for him seemed like an hour, every hour was like a year, but I had nothing to do other than wait, wait and think. That's all I did, till at least 3am, and then again all the next morning and all the next day.

Matt called me, in the room, telling me that he didn't want to see me, in fact point blank refusing to see me face to face, in his words his life is unrecognisable now he's started at university, he no longer has time for me, doesn't want a relationship, doesn't want me. He told me that if I turned up at the apartment, he'd call the police! His life had changed and he wanted me to leave him alone.

So, I've left him alone, I've left him alone, just as my dreams desires, wants needs and my very being lie crushed and broken on the empty field. I'm so very empty, everything I was working towards, the money for a house in America, the job hunting and the visa application, all for the future I was working hard on to enable me to be with the man I love, is all wasted, just rubbish on the floor. My dreams are crushed and broken, much like my heart, which aches more than I would have ever thought possible, far more than i ever has before.

I am finding it hard to sleep, it just doesn't stay, I'm hungry, yet can't face eating, I'm lonely yet don't want to be in company, I really don't know what I want or where I want to be, I'm think it's because I simply can't think too much about anything, my mind is muddled, I can't concentrate. My heart hurts, it really hurts, I sit staring at the screen, trying to put into words what's going on in my body, mind and life, yet the words, they don't flow. I want to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to be positive about something, anything, just one thing in the future, but I can't. I just can't! I feel my hopes and dreams have been taken and smashed upon a rock, the fragments on the ground are cutting my feet, such is the pain inside.

I am desolate, an empty shell of my former self, it's been difficult writing this post, my fingers run over the keys, writing paragraphs and then hitting back space until an empty screen stares back at me as blankly as when I first started. I want to be able to end on something positive, but, I don't feel positive, I don't have any good news to share, any happy event to pontificate about, just the realisation that the love of my life has confirmed that I am not the love of his. That our plans for a life of happiness, of togetherness, of sharing life's ups and downs, are no more than wasted words carried away by a cold, cold wind, with a heart of stone.

I don't want to be here, in a town I don't belong, yet I don't want to be home either, I don't know what I'm going to do, where I want to be, or even who I am any more. I can't write anymore, my eyes stare at the screen and sting with the tears that no longer fall.

I don't know about the future, this has been a difficult post to write, I'm empty, it may very well be the last post I ever write on this blog, I just don't know, I don't know anything any more.

Harry & The Jackson Jive!

2009-10-09T00:26:00.002+01:00

This is taken from a proper talent show down under in Australia, it's kicking up a storm over here in America, and probably in the UK too. It sure wouldn't happen these days over in England nor in America, although it did many years ago. OK, so this group of doctors won the show with the same skit 20 years ago, but these days, no way, times have changed, thankfully.

I'm proud to write for and

John Barrowman wanna be pilot!

2009-10-08T20:55:00.000+01:00

John Barrowman, has revealed he first knew he was gay when he realised he fancied airline pilots. Yep, I kid you not, the Dr Who & Torchwood actor told the luvvies Stage Newspaper, that he considered being a pilot long before he thought of becoming an actor.

"There was a period when I was about 12 or 13 years old when I wanted to be an airline pilot but that was when I realised I really was gay because I liked the outfit and also the men in them." Said the star, "I couldn't justify sitting in a cockpit just to look at the outfit and the handsome man." I wonder if that's why Captain Jack wears a bit of a RAF uniform??

"All I can say to the enemies of it is - rather than sitting and complaining about, if you're angry that someone else has got that job, get up off you ass and audition. Cos it ain't gonna happen, sitting moaning about it." He said in defence of shows like Any Dream Will Do and How to Solve a Problem Like Maria.

Born in Glasgow, where he spent his early years, John moved with his family to the United States, living in Illinois, and later studied Musical Theatre at the US International University in San Diego, California.

Whilst taking further study in the UK in 1989, he landed his first professional role, starring as Billy Crocker opposite Elaine Paige in the Cole Porter musical Anything Goes at the Prince Edward Theatre. This catapulted John into a career as a leading man in musical theatre, he's had leading parts in Matador, Miss Saigon, Phantom, Sunset Boulevard, Aspects of Love, Evita and loads of others.

He's a singer, a dancer, a actor and a real true showman, an entertainer in the traditional sense of the word. Torchwood is back on BBC 2 in England this autum and on BBC America soon.

John is currently appearing as Albin in La Cage Aux Folles in London until 28th November.

I'm proud to write for and

America

2009-10-05T17:01:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I jumped on am Air Canada 777 and headed over the pond. Landed in St Louis yesterday evening and then took a transfer minivan down to Carbondale and checked in to Super 8 motel. Need to be all refreshed to meet up with Matt this evening. Now, the hotel is just over the highway to to the mall so me being the kinda shopper I am. I just had to risk life and limb crossing 7 lanes traffic. Then, you can picture the shock on my face, when I saw Matt's car parked in the car park and him in it, he was doing some last minute revision for a test at 1100 ! We were both left speechless. I was going to surprise him this evening by just turning up at the apartment with flowers, so wasnt really prepaid for bumping in to him in the car park of the local mall. To say he was shocked would be the under statement of this year. We've seeing each other tonight at 9 when he gets off work. My stomach is in knots and my pulse is pull racing. It wasnt supposed to be like this, but I guess its fate that I left the hotel without breakfast, decide to cross the road at that spot and he park in the area Id walk right by. It's gotta be fate. Now Im sitting in the mall and it's so empty, no one around, its like a ghost mall.

Insensitive AIDS Commercial ?

2009-10-02T05:31:00.000+01:00

Insensitive AIDS commercial Criticized.

A new TV commercial due to start broadcasting on German TV next week has be slammed by leading HIV & AIDS charities as ‘Insensitive’ and ‘stigmatize people living with the condition

The rather graphic ad features a very good look-a-like of Adolf Hitler having sex with a woman with the strap line of “AIDS’s is a mass murderer” The champagne will also feature posters of Joseph Starlin and Saddam Hussein having sex with naked women and created by German media company Das Comitee.

“We asked ourselves what face we could give to the virus, and it couldn't be a pretty face!” said Dick Silz from the agency, that’s created ads for the likes of Honda and BMW “"The campaign is designed to shake people up, to bring the topic of Aids back to centre stage, and to reverse the trend of unprotected sexual intercourse." In Germany alone, around 60,000 people are infected with HIV or AIDS In North America it’s estimated to be 1.3million people and as of now, over 30 million people worldwide have died and almost 6000 new deaths are added to that number every single day, making AIDS one of the largest mass murderers of all time.

But the steamy TV ads, being shown in the run put to World Aids Day in December has been strongly criticized by leading UK HIV charity The Terrence Higgins Trust - "One in four people in the UK with HIV doesn't know he or she has it, so anything that could increase stigmatization and discourage them from coming forward to be tested isn't helpful. Commented the Trusts policy officer on the BBC news website, adding "The dangerous thing about it [the advert] is there doesn't appear to be any accompanying public health message as far as encouraging people to stay safe and use condoms.
"Also, treatment in Europe these days means it's very possible for people with HIV to live a healthy lifespan."

To see the campaign http://www.aids-is-a-mass-murderer.com/

Jason Shaw

The Top Twitter's

2009-09-30T08:46:00.000+01:00

The unparalleled explosion in popularity of Twitter has surprised many in the internet industry, there are quite a people on the site, me included, plus there's also a lot of celebs on this microblogging, interactive status updating thingy. Telling their fans, the media and indeed the world what they are getting up to, what they wanna do and what they think. Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent was a sure fire hit in America and Boyle fever hit the States big time, thanks mainly to Demi Moore and hubby Ashton Kutcher tweeting about it. Here are the top ones, the ones with the most followers, of which there are a load, in fact the top 120 Tweeter's all have over a million followers - each!

1, Ashton Kutcher, nearly 3.5 million follow his every tweet.

2, Britney Spears, she's got over 3 million (probably 2 mill of those are paps!)

3, Ellen DeGeneres, over 3 million wait for her tweets.

4, CNN - yep the thirst for news reaches around 3 million.

5, Twitter, yes the site has it's own followers!

6, Kim Kardashian, Armenian Princess has 2.2 million.

7, Ryan Seacrest, 2.2 million follow the AI host, whose still not come out!

8, The real Shaq pulls in around 2.1million followers.

9, John Mayer, 2.1 million have heard his tweets.

10, Oprah Winfrey, a little way behind fellow yank talk show host with 2.1 million.

Just out side the top 10 are at 11 President Obama & Mrs Kutcher at 12 with a stonking 1.9 million. Evil gay gossip queen Perez Hilton somehow has around 1.5million followers, which surprises me, yet doesn't at the same time, sadly. The strange and lovely Lily Allen is on the list also with 1.3million folks whilst our PM at number 10 has around 1.2million and in a rather surprising turn Richard Bacon, radio 5 and telly presenter has 941,342 whilst England's darling king of the tweeters Stephen Fry has 747,211. As for me, I'm on the list, but way way way way way way way way way down, some place very near the bottom! (funny, I always seem to find my way there!)

www.twitter.com/jason_shaw

I'm proud to write for and

Call me Mr Vain only 48.9

2009-09-27T14:07:00.003+01:00

We have been blessed with the weather down here in the south of England, clear powder blues skies, warming sun, gentle breeze kissing the tops of the trees and the leaves the flutter. It's been warm, to say the very least, more like August than September, more summer than Autumn and more enjoyable to be in the great out doors.

So yesterday after a bagel for breakfast I asked my brother if he wanted to ride, it was so lovely weather wise, it would have been pretty rude not too, so on my steads of steel we rode off down the road. Now, of course having done a rather low ride down the Downs Link trail the day before I wasn't much in the state for a long ride. The day before yesterday the weather was fine, perhaps not quite as hot as it was yesterday, but nice, it was.

Shoreham, then on the trail we cycled in the sunshine, got to Bramber and then decided to go a little further, so peddle on we did and ride along we did. Most of the Downs Link, the pathway, trail then links the South and North Downs together is a very picturesque, much of it rough off road tracks, fields and woods either side, boosts the mind as well as the spirit, surrounded by British countryside.

We stopped somewhere along the banks of the Adur, where I snapped a photo and sent that off to the blog, it was so pleasant, would have been even more so had there not been an over abundance of cyclists coming the other way, doing some other charity race. There are such lovely sights to see along the way, that sometimes its a shame to be whizzing passed on a bike, but I tried to make the best of it, although I was feeling the strain a little and also a little tad of the cold that has dogged me for the last 6 or so days was still under the surface.

The Downs Link goes all the way to Guildford, which was way further that I had planned to go, but, we carried on heading along the trail, nodding to oncoming cyclists and walkers in a rather genteel and true English way, which is almost comforting and reassuring. We took a different tack, we spotted the sign for Horsham, off the link trail, which was more in the direction my mind was taking us, if only the legs would be willing.

Horsham town centre was a bit busy, being a Saturday, also a farmers market was going on and there was a road show from the local radio station, hosted by old mate Chris Oxlade, I nodded a hello to him and carried on. It's amazing how things and people change, when I first met Chris is he in his last year at school when he first came to Mercury at a weekend. My my how times have changed, so has Chris!

After Horsham, we kept on riding, it was rather strange, legs ached, body ached, nose ran, but I carried on. Brother stuck close behind on his blue bike and me in my two tone machine, I say two tone, which is really blue and rust! Crawley! I used to live there and so it was strange to see buildings where space there once was, although there is still a lot the same, it was nice to feel the touch of old 'New Town' that always envelopes me when I'm there.

I found the way to Gatwick down the cycle paths through the industrial centre, which was empty, it being a weekend, but was still nice. They've updated the cycle way, much better than I remember and progress was rapid. There wasn't much to do, just keep on cycling, up through Horley, down over the common, Earlswood rapidly came and went and after a little detour to the lakes it was on to Redhill, over the hill, past the leisure centre and then on to the parents house.

Going in their massive wooden gate was a wonderful feeling, legs ached beyond what I thought was possible, but it's a long way, Brighton to Redhill, a very long way indeed. looking at the route we took, calculating it on Google Maps, it's approximately 48.9 miles! Now, my friends that is a pretty far ride, a fair old distance, I felt elated at having down it.

Ask me now, well that's a different story, my arse is sore, my legs chaffed, my cold back and my leg muscles feel like granite. But hey, when you get to my age I've worked out pain is good, when you feel pain, at least you know your still alive.!

The passage of time waits for no man, or woman for that matter, but at least now you can watch it happening!

I saw this little gadget on a few blogs a few years ago and kinda thought it strange, odd, a little weird and just a tad vain. It probably only appeals to the more narcissistic of bloggers I thought at the time. However, that didn't stop me signing up for it and placing it on my blog and on my

Twitter !

I didn't like it at first, then after a while, it grew on me, it did and although I don't always do it every single day like I'm supposed to, I do do it regularly! People moan to me if I don't do it, mind you, having said that, other people have complained when I have done it!

I am talking about taking a daily photo with Daily Mugshot, the website that allows you to take and post a daily photo of yourself, which can be shown like a flicker book in rapid succession. It's up close and personal, it's a daily looking into my life that I'm happy to share with the wold no matter how crappy I look. I'm not vain, honestly, when you see my face you'll see why, but there is just something about seeing how much you change on a daily basis. I didn't think I would notice a different, but after taking nearly 80 odd snaps with my old webcam, I certainly do.

Daily Mugshot

Is it vain to have a daily photo programme like Daily Mugshot on your blog? Or is it just another exercise in documenting our daily lives, as us bloggers are known for doing? Is watching your changing face each day thrilling or scary, can you actually see the hair grow? Do you sit and look at others daily photo shows, or just your own. Is it the a great invention of social documentation or a narcissistic public mirror? I dunno, but I gotta run and take another mugshot!

Summer's last stand!

2009-09-26T12:53:00.001+01:00

The sun is beating down as if summer never ended. Indeed in the Sussex countryside it feels a darn sight hotter than it did in August. Only thing missing is a bottle of Pimms, lemonaid and of course, Matthew.

2009-09-25T07:31:00.001+01:00

The day before yesterday, Wednesday, I was a pretty sicky boy, indeed it was a pretty strange day, I was all cold and fluy with a temperature of 102, had the night off work and felt like the living dead from a train wreck. I couldn't really sleep and kept on waking, pretty much every hour needing a pee. So either I'd OD'ed on Lemsips, had too much herbal tea or got bladder/kidney or liver problems. Thursday wasn't so bad, I kind jollied myself up a little, temp down to 100, the weather has been great, almost most like summer never ended, honestly can't last, sadly I wasn't out in it as my nose kept running it was like a tap in the middle of my face. Some obviously would say that would have been an improvement, but they are just darn cruel !

It's great news about the new HIV vaccine that's showing promise in Thailand, that really is a step in the right direction, it's gotta be hopeful, it's not a cure, but anything that can help us along the way to that ultimate goal has gotta be a good thing. Also on the health front I was pleased to see that a new skin cancer therapy is showing signs of working. Apparently in this really little small scale test 22 out of 31 skin cancer patients noticed rapid and dramatic shrinking in the size of their tumours, which is great news. It's also made me more awear of skin cancer, for example I didn't know that it's the most common cancer in the world, that almost 1 million Americans get it each year and roughly 110,000 Brits are diagnosed, although the vast majority are non-malignant.

In other news, I noticed that those very odd McCans went back to Portugal for a press conference, regarding missing Maddie, I know I'm harsh here and it's gotta be really difficult when a child goes missing, but totally innocent - them, I think not.

The DG of the Beeb has orderd the chief of the TV news department to go out and hire a 50 plus female news reader. Yep, apparently they're getting a bit worried after the backlash after they sacked Arleen Phillips from Strictly Dancing show for being over the hill at 66. Bring back Moria Stewart and Angela Rippon I say!

Prince William wants to be more than a royal ornament, he wants to get out and do some real charity work rather than just opening things and shaking hands. A touch of his mother in him perhaps, but as I always say, it's all about the doings rather than the sayings! Well, OK, I don't say that usually, but you know what I mean. If he gets out there and starts doing things rather than being stuck up in his royal bubble, far removed for the reality of everyday life, I'll be he first to sing his praises. Willy if your reading this, I'm waiting for proof!!

The newspapers and media are reporting that President Obama keeps on giving Gordon Brown the bums rush when it comes for meetings over in New York at the UN, making our PM look a little bit like a lap dog running after the US president with his tongue hanging out, desperate for a photo opportunity, sad, very sad. Also strange to see Libya's leader Gaddafi's tearing up the UN charter and looking rather like a human version of one of those caricature pictures. Its about time someone throw the book at him rather than him throwing it over his shoulder!

My brother watches Emmerdale, so just lately I've had to see the soap on a regular basis, it's not really my thing, I'm not a big soap fan it has to be said, but there are a few nice fit items of eye candy on display. Like James Sutton who used to play queer John Paul in Hollyoaks. Danny Miller who plays, well I have no idea who he plays, just some scally or other! Eric Pollard's little boy David is a rather pleasant looking fella played by Matthew Wolfenden. Then of course there's Kelvin Fletcher aka Andy Sugden in the soap!

Just an excuse to put some totty pictures on the blog, which has been rather photoless the last few posts!

Keep on coming back for more, cuz I need all the readers I can get! Thanks for the loan of your eyes and grey matter for a while.

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New HIV Vaccine

2009-09-24T16:20:00.002+01:00

New HIV Vaccine Shows Promise

A new and experimental vaccine has prevented HIV infections for the first time, which is a major breakthrough that has puzzled scientists for nearly quarter of a century.

The US funded study involving more than 16,000 volunteers in Thailand has found that a combination of ALVAC, and AIDSVAX, has cut infections by just over 31 % in the people who received it compared with those on a placebo, scientists said today in Bangkok. Neither vaccine had stopped the virus, when they were tested separately in previous studies.

These amazing findings will have a hugely positive effect on further research, the findings don’t mean the vaccine can be used all over the world, there are many still unanswered questions about how the vaccine works exactly and the fact that it was designed using HIV strains that are specific to Thailand. It's still going to take years before such a vaccine can be used in America or Europe, but it is without doubt a major step forward.

This is the beginning of the effort,” said Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease. "It’s opened up the door for us to ask some very important fundamental scientific questions as well as some clinical questions.”

The search for a vaccine to prevent HIV has eluded scientists since the early 1980s. AIDS, the syndrome linked with HIV, infects about 6,800 new people globally every day. And yes, while there are treatments for HIV that limit the virus in the body, keeping AIDS at bay for years, there is still no cure.

The researchers enrolled volunteers in Thailand’s Chon Buri and Rayong provinces, which have the nation’s highest rates of HIV, according to the study Web site. The subjects were given four doses of the ALVAC vaccine and two of the AIDSVAX shot over six months, then monitored for three years. They were also given advice on safe sex. There were no serious side effects, the researchers claimed

Of those who received the vaccine, 51 became infected with HIV, compared with 74 who received a placebo, and those in the study who became infected with HIV during the trial were given free access to treatment.

“Although the results were modest, with an efficacy of 31.2%, this is a very important scientific advance, and gives us hope that a globally effective HIV vaccine may be possible in the future,” said Jerome Kim, a deputy director of science at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, which sponsored the trial. “It has already caused us to change some of our ideas,” he said.

There is a lot more work to do and research to be carried out, but, it's a vast leap in the right direction.

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Sydney Dust Storm

2009-09-23T22:12:00.006+01:00

Australians in and around Sydney woke to a deep orange dust storm this morning.

It's amazingly hauntingly pretty!

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Bored of life, get a second one free...

2009-09-22T00:38:00.001+01:00

Ever wanted to be younger? Or change your body shape? Maybe you wanted to change your brown eyes to blue. Perhaps you wanted not to be human but be an animal like a fox, or even change your looks to be cute, rich and successful. Or maybe you had loftier ambitions it was your dream to be able to fly. With the popularity of films like Twilight, maybe your fantasy was to have been a vampire or even a food source for a vampire!

All beyond the scope of reality, real life’s not like that, but a second life could be. Second Life is an online 3D virtual world, designed by you and limited only by your imagination. From the moment you enter Second Life, you’ll discover a universe brimming with people and possibilities that are boundless, exciting and ultimately rewarding. It’s a virtual world the impossible is possible and the unlikely common place.

Created by Linden Labs back in 1999, Linden World as it was then called was an online place. , in which users could participate in task based games and socialization in a three dimensional online environment. This has since transformed, developed and morphed into the more widely know and enjoyed Second Life!

There are some 15 million registered users worldwide and last year there was an average of 38,000 of them logged in at any one time, this year is more like 50,000. Now, they are impressive numbers in anyone’s book, but what’s it all about. Jason Shaw, Second Life virgin talks to two such residents of this online realm of fantasy.

“I’m quite a newbie, only been on there since 26 May this year; I mainly joined to make online friends around the world. It’s an escape from reality, a place where you can be anything you wants to be” Enthuses Chandelle, a 24 year old mother of two who spends around four hours a day on the site. “I’ve been a mistress on it, but that was too much hard work!”

She regularly speaks with a lawyer in Australia, who on the site is her pet “It’s not a position of power, it’s more about friendship. Whilst there is sex on the site, but it’s not all about that, its m ore about the emotional bond, it’s about building up virtual relationship”

Leo, a 29 year old father from Sussex first started Second Life to chat to a friend who had moved overseas. “It was just a laugh really, just to chat to each other and do something; He came off it and just kinda stayed on. It’s really developed from there”

Leo, built up his character, or avatars as they are known, with an enhanced male body, muscles in the right place, pert little ass and tattoos “At first the avatars look rather crap, bland, without much features, you can make them better by spending a little bit of money on them, mine’s now complete, he’s a good looking guy and gets quite a lot of attention on SL, from the guys as well as the girls”

Whilst you don’t have to spend money to be on Second Life, it can help, “I’ve spent about £30 or so, just to build up my avatar and get some equipment for him. People can spend loads on things, but there’s no real need too if you don’t want. Just a few quid to make your avatar look good and that’s about it”

You may only need to spend a few quid as Leo says, but it’s clear that some people do spend a lot more, they buy things like buildings, vehicles, devices of all kinds, animations, clothing, skin, hair, jewelry flora & fauna, buildings, textures, works of art, equipment, custom content creation and other services. It could be because of these sales opportunities that make it possible for a few residents to actually make money from playing Second Life. According to figures published by makers Linden Lab, some 64,000 users took a profit in Second Life in February 2009, over half made less than $10, yet 233 made more than $5000 In March 2009, it become known that there are a few real life entrepreneurs who have made over a million a year from their SL activities, indeed the top earn grossed $1.7 million last year !

“I’ve not made a profit from it, I just do it for fun, it’s like escaping from real life, and on SL you can be anything. It gives you confidence, on SL you can do anything, you can say things that you’d never have the guts to do in real life.” Say’s Leo, whose avatar is a blood doll, a food source for a vampire. “It’s enjoyable; it’s kinda replaced the TV in the evenings, when I usually play. I don’t have any hobbies, SL is my hobby” Leo usually is on line between 9pm and 1 the following morning.

His wife knows he’s on SL, but doesn’t share his appreciation for this online world , “She just thinks I’m sad for going on it so much” Whilst she knows he’s on the site, she doesn’t know what he’s getting up to on it,, but there’s where the trust in their relationship comes in to play. “It is only a game after all, you can’t take it too seriously, although some people do” Confirms Leo, who warns of some of the dangers of living in a virtual world. “It can be easy to go far and let it take over. You could easily become far too involved and it affects your mood in real life, it can split up relationships and cause real damage”

Chantelle echoes this sentiment “People do take it too far at times; there are people online all the time, that life their life through SL, no that’s bad. It’s kind of scary” She’s not wrong, British charity Relate, the relationship councellors, said their staff were coming across an increasing number of people whose real-life relationships were falling apart because of what was happening in their parallel, unreal worlds. Last year a couple that were in both a real life and a second life relation spilt up after virtual adultery. In February this year, Lisa Best woke up and found her husband having sex with another guy SL “I saw John's little person having it off with another man in a dungeon on the screen," the 28 year old told a Sunday newspaper. The couple are in the process of getting divorced, and he soon to be ex husbands words have a hollow sound to them “.I was just messing about on there, there's not a gay bone in my body, just found it funny. I only went on for a laugh”

It’s not just a straight world, unlike some other online games, Second Life also caters rather well for the gay community, in June last year they opened the virtual gates of Gay pride for a fifth consecutive year. This is usually a month long celebration, much like the Prides on the outside in the real world. There’s parties, live music, events, art shows, even a dance pavilion with live DJ and a museum highlighting contributions of gay and lesbian people throughout history.

But it’s not just in June, there are year round activities for the gay Second Lifer, to enjoy in the ‘Gay World’ where avatars can bump n grind along to some top sounds and meet other like minded souls. Indeed, it’s pretty much like its RL equivalent; it’s also a good place to hook up apparently.

There are also places to go, clubs, bars and gay nudist beaches, which sound all that more exciting if you live in a dull city center where it rains a great deal of the time. Being a resident of SL can have a very positive impact, not only enabling you to make new friends from all over the world. There are also countless stories posted on message boards telling how SL has helped various people come to terms with their sexuality and gain the confidence to come out in the real world.

It can also be your gateway to a sea of leaning; there are many universities with their own SL campuses including Coventry, Bedfordshire, Illinois, Ohio and Harvard, so your thirst for knowledge can be well and truly quenched. It truly is a complete virtual world that you can immerse yourself in, just keep a check on what’s real and what’s not.

Real Life must always take priority.

Jason Shaw

aka Jas Zsun!

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How many!

2009-09-21T02:11:00.001+01:00

They finally got my email working at work, and have a gander at just how many mail's I've been sent. I think I'll be going through them from now till Christmas!

Susan Boyle - America's Got Talent Final

2009-09-20T19:57:00.000+01:00

Susan Boyle Conquers it!

I was in America with Matt when Britain's Got Talent was on TV back home, I was unaware it was even on again, until I got an email from a friend advising me to look at a YouTube link of this strange lady from a tiny Scottish village. At the same time as this, Twitter was alive with the news of this singing sensation from over the other side of the water, as a little home sick, I followed the link and was literally blown away, Susan Boyle's performance dragged out tears from my eyes as she dared to confront Simon, Piers and that annoying Amanda on the TV Talent show and blow them away with a simply stunning performance of I Dreamed A Dream.

I was left weak at the knees, and that's no exaggeration, the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention, even my goose bumps had goose bumps. It was one of those special moments in life, hearing that most unlikely of voices coming out of that rather, and hey lets be fair here, not a highly attractive person.

After that, it was a pretty much a US sensation, it was on all the news channels, both local and national, it was on the news websites and was one if not the most tweeted topics on twitter. It was setting the blogspehere alight and the rest is pretty much history, it's well documented all over the place of what happened next.

Then on 16th this month, she was singing for the first time in America, where a ton of people have really taken her to heart, on the final of America's Got Talent. Indeed, I have to say, we've heard more news over here in England about her performance of a Rolling Stones number, than we have of the winner!

Gentllefolk and Ladybumps, I give you Susan Boyle on America's Got Talent - the final.

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All change for the 12 year old!

2009-09-19T20:37:00.005+01:00

"That drag queen looks young" I said to a work colleague the other day when I was out on the scene and the drag queen doing the turn looked like he, her, it should have been in nappies/diapers!

Maybe it because I'm getting older that the female impersonators, drag queens and trannys around the place seem to be getting younger and younger. But nothing could have prepared me for the strange, bizarre and shocking news that greeted me from the local and the national newspaper here in England "Boy 12 Turns Into Girl"

It was the puzzling, yet touching story of a boy of 12 years of age turned up at school for the first day of term as a girl. His parents had supported his choice and he'd had his name legally and plans to undergo hormone treatment and eventually a full gender reorientation operation later in life.

He arrived on the first day of school wearing a dress and pigtails according to The Sun newspaper. It reported that the teachers, at the southern England school had called an emergency assembly to try and explain the sex change and to instructed students to begin treating their classmate as a girl. According to other media reports, some confused children reportedly burst into tears. The child in question was not at the assembly and has not returned to school since the announcement was made, after there was a fair amount of jokes, jibes and name calling.

“We are committed to ensuring the best for our child,” his mother told The Sun newspaper when it broke the story on Friday. The family had apparently hoped the transformation might go unnoticed since the initial gender switch was done during the summer vacations and as the child transferred from primary to secondary school. The article then also detailed how the boy, was often telling his friends that he wanted to be a girl, that he should have been a girl, and would often wear ribbons in his hair and also wore a bikini to swimming lessons.

Following the fallout from the assembly, the family has allegedly been threatened, and is under police protection. They are keeping the child home until they feel her safety is no longer at risk, the paper said.

Then on Saturday, I was even more surprised to see another headline, regarding another transformation from boy to a girl, this time the headline was "Now boy 9, is a girl"! What's happening here in the south of England What's in the water, changing our little boys to little girls - ANOTHER boy has turned up at school as a girl!

Parents have criticized the primary school for not alerting them, and for telling pupils at a special assembly. Classmates of the nine year old gender swap boy were told he had left and been replaced by a girl. The child returned to school the next day - in female uniform, with long hair in a ponytail, tied in pink ribbon. The same newspaper, The Sun, one of Britain's top selling daily newspapers, broke the news of how Parents faced a flurry of questions from their bemused kids after school - and blasted staff at the primary for not informing them of the switch. One concerned mum said: "My son came home from school and asked why one of his friends had become a girl. I thought he was joking, but he kept asking - that's when alarm bells began ringing.

It's unclear at this stage, what's going to happen to the two children concerned, how things will develop and proceed, but one thing has to be paramount and that is the welfare of these two individuals, from different schools, here in the south.

This is just the start of a very long road for them, in England you can not undergo hormone treatment for sex change operations until you are at least 18years of age. It's also the start of a very long life of abuse and discrimination, which the majority of gender realignment or transgender people face in their daily lives.

I knew one such person, who from an early age thought and believed he'd been born in the wrong body, that he was a boy that should have been a girl. During his teenage years, he'd talk to people about this, but no one took it seriously, there was little help and even less understanding at the time he told me. He has been so depressed at times during his late teens and early 20's that suicide was not far from his mind, as he became more and more awear that he was born as the wrong sex. He's now in his late 30's, has had some surgery and lives as a woman on the outskirts of Brighton.

I only hope that things have moved on and are a little easier for these two very young children, who are embarking on the same journey as my friend, it's going to be hard. However, it's also a testament to how broadly our society has changed, that these two lads, we able to express their feelings and desires in this matter.

In other news, it's come to light that a French person has won the Euromillions lottery game scooping a massive 83 million quid and I'm well hacked off by that. Not because it's a woman, and not because it's a frog, but because it should have been me! Surely it was my turn to win the sodding thing, I mean I play each week, well OK, I play when I remember to get a ticket, but you know what I mean. Yes, in the words of Bright Eyes, I'd rather be working for a pay cheque than waiting to win the lottery, which is what I'm doing, but, I need a little luck, especially just lately. Surely it's about time, it was me!

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Mid life - where's the crisis!

2009-09-18T21:33:00.001+01:00

It's been a rather long week for me, first was four nights on, then there was one night off, then two days training now, I have a day off before I head back to work for another four nights on. It's playing hell with my body clock, I'm all over the bloody place!

On top of that, both my bikes are off the road, both have broken peddles and ones got a wonky wheel, so ride able they are not, I'm already feeling the pounds pile back on, and gosh dang it, I hate that. I need to keep on loosing them not adding them back on.

The week before last I was doing a lot of writing for Best Gay Blogs and Gay Agenda websites, this week, I've rather neglected them due to the amount I've had to work, which is sad as I really enjoy writing. I'm trying to reduce hours at work to concentrate more on the writing, not just articles but the book and the screenplay, which is where the career heart now lies, but time and life get in the way. Does anyone wanna sponsor me Always open to offers!!!

Here's something I wrote for Best Gay Blogs, which I wanna share on here, cuz it's so true. Read on and enjoy!

There is a saying, no-one loves a fairy when they're fat and forty! But then again, there is another, also widely used common saying, life begins at forty!

I'm not sure which one I most believe, although I must admit, just recently I've done a lot of soul searching on the subject. You see last month, I reached the grand old age of 40! This is, it has to be said, a milestone in anybodies life. It's one of those scary ages, an age that can, and often is pivotal in ones life. Things seem to change whether we want them to or not and regardless of us being ready.

I guess reaching 40 is more than little scary, even more so for us gay men, than perhaps our heterosexual counterparts, for no matter where you go, England, America, Australia, the gay scene is very much age-centric. Yeah, it sure is, age is the thing, don't believe me, well just take a look around, the whole thing is geared up for the young, the scene is for the youthful, it's for life's pretty people, not the gays gone grey! 80 per cent of gay porn sites feature twinks, all the flyer's you see for nightclubs, bars, raves and the like are aimed at the younger crowed. Flick through a gay glossy magazine and gander thos fancy ads, they are all, pretty much targeted at the 18 to 25 age range, possibly a bit further, up to 30 and you know, 30's pushing it a bit.

Indeed a friend of mine said to be being 40 is the equivalent of being 80 in gay years, such is the ageism that exists in the gay community! I'm not sure I'd go that far, but I do know that as I've gotten older I've noticed that less and less interest being paid to me in the bars and clubs around my hometown, but that may have something to do with my ever increasing waistline! Seriously, I've felt more and more out of place in the hip venues as the years have piled up. The whole gay scene seems to be more and more age-centric these days, youth is king, youth rules, the young pretty much take over and control of the 'scene' we used to call ours, and hitting milestone ages like 40 and 50 can become harder and harder.

"I hated approaching and just after my 40th" Says Andrew, a 45 year old gay guy from Brighton. "it was torture, before the big day I thought life would change, then the big day came and I felt different. I felt too old to be single and out on the scene. The young queens just leered and sneered at me, being the oldest in the club is not much fun. For a while I became a recluse, rather than life begging, I felt it had died"

Andrew is not alone, I for one don't feel like I'm over the hill just yet, I still love dancing my tits off in a sweaty club, but, the oldest swinger in town I don't wanna be. I no longer have youth on my side and those aches and pains come far more rapidly and take longer to heal and recover.

Being 40 brings a realisation, that life is and has a limited span to it, I like countless others have to face the fact that I don't have a much time left in which to put things off until! I aint getting any younger!

Another reason why so many guys have a funny mid-life crisis could be that when we were young we probably imagined where we'd be at this grand old age, this magic number 40, what we'd have, what we'd done, the lovers we'd had, the experience that had been enjoyed and lived. Not that we're there, at that age, we look, reflect and compare our previous youthful aspirations to our current realities. A rich multi-millionaire writer and broadcaster with apartments in London, New York, LA and Sydney that's where I'd be at age 40, so I thought when I was 16, well needless to say, reality is somewhat different, I've got a cheap rented dingy apartment in Carterville, IL and I'm staying with my brother here in Brighton, England,I work hard to eek out a living and have enough savings to buy a 6 pack of Coors and a bag of Hershey kisses! Yep, I am a long, long way away from those distant dreams I had when I was young.

I am, I suppose about to head at break neck sppeds into the time of a mid life crisis, we've already established I aint one of life's pretty people, the bird of youth has well and truly flown this nest, monetary and materialistic wealth is something that passed me by without stopping, I've got more than a couple of extra pounds around my waist and, in case you've missed it, I'm 40! So, yes, I'm pretty much ripe for a crisis of mid-life.

According to the UK's National Health Service around 20% of men have a mid-life crisis and it happens when men think they've reached life’s halfway stage. Anxieties over what they’ve accomplished so far, either in their job or personal life, can cause a period of depression. In guys, this usually happens between the ages of 35 and 50 and can last for up to 10 years.

It’s a controversial syndrome which health experts think is related to the brain or to hormonal changes. While it may be a great source of jokes and amusement for some, for those affected it can be quite debilitating.

So, as I said, I'm about ready for my crisis, in fact I kinda want one, I want to perhaps get that Harley and ride along route 66, maybe I'll learn to hang glide - not something recommended for those with a fear of heights, or I could get myself a sexy 21 year old boyfriend. Oh wait a minute, that last one, I've already got!

Mid life crisis - bring it on.

You can also get a good dose of me at http://www.bestgayblogs.com/

Long Distance Relationship - fact or fiction?

2009-09-16T08:11:00.000+01:00

Miles and miles apart, yet two lovers meet, it’s a love long distance, but can a relationship than spans the oceans survive? Or is a Trans Atlantic love affair doomed from the very start? Is there such a thing as a successful long distance relationship?

I met my boyfriend online, and before you ask, it wasnt a dating site; nope it was from the blog I do Seafront Diaries, on MySpace. We chatted with the aid of instant messengers platforms, we simply got along great, and we felt a strong connection even though there was an ocean between us. Oh did I forget to mention, I’m in England and he’s from Illinois in the good old US of A!

Distance seemed to matter little as we talked and talked over the net, hours and hours they would last, indeed our record duration for conversing like was an hour shy of 24! Now I know this may sound a little sad, but on more than one occasion we even watched each other sleep on webcam. The attraction we held for each other was exhilarating, exciting and the most powerful I’ve ever experienced, and god knows I’ve had a lot of experience!

We had to see each other, yes there was the age difference, he was 20 and I was at the latter end of my 30’s, yes there was the distance nearly 4300 miles, yes we met over the internet, yes there were dozens of reasons for us not to go ahead with meeting up, but hey life is for living, isn’t it?

I jetted over, for a two week vacation, which was absolutely wonderful and I wished it could last forever, the bond we found online only multiplied when we met in the flesh. Cupid sure pulled back his bow and let those arrows flow, love was all around and we had a blast. I didn’t want the vacation to end, nor did he, but end it had to and flew home I did, with a heavy heart.

Matt must have felt the same explosion of emotion as within two weeks of my return to the UK he’d booked a flight and was on his way over to England and to cut a long story short, he ended up staying with me for 6 months. I’ve since been back to the States and stayed for three months in ‘our’ apartment in Illinois. I’ve never known three months fly by so fast as those three did and to old England I returned a couple of months ago.

We now face the prospect of a long distance relationship, an LDR, an ocean divides us, but do such long distance relationships work, can there be such a thing as a bi-national partnership. Can love conquer all or will distance divide? Does distance matter?

Some say distance matters and love can never last, Andrew a thirty-something gay guy from Brighton England says “There is no way such a long distance relationship could work, the distance is just too great, seeing each other would be so difficult, not to mention expensive. Sooner or later one or the other or both are gonna get board and fuck someone else”

Other’s are less vehement in their negativity, “Long distance relationship may last for older people, but younger ones, no, when your old you know what you want, but when you’re young you don’t know what you want” said Carman an Italian girl 30, who had a lover in a different country between the ages of 14 and 24!

“Of course a love affair that is honest and true can survive great distances in a short term, as long as in the future they will be together. It’s like something to look forward to!” Comments hopeless romantic Maureen 59 from Kettering.

As the internet grows, the world gets smaller there are more and more LDR’s, partly due to internet dating, social networking - MySpace, Facebook, Gaydar and partly due to a global market place where companies become international employers and they move around their employees. Dean, 36 works for and English company with interests in the far east, three years ago they sent him to work in their Hong Kong office. “Steve and I had only just started dating when I got the Hong Kong position, so it was really easy for me to up sticks and leave. It got harder and harder the more we fell in love with each other. By the end of the first year, it was touch and go if we'd make it, we'd see each other for a week every two months or so, but the price of flights is astronomical, so we had to cut that down." He says they have kept the magic alive by being romantic, even though they are half the world away from each other. "I surprise him by sending little silly gifts, like a plastic banana, or a pair of jeans for a doll saying 'if you carry on with the diet you'll fit into these by Christmas!" We are also able to talk a fair bit, thanks mainly to Skype" They also make time to do things together, well sort of, for example they will both get a DVD of a film and sit and watch it together, at the same time and talk on the phone as they watch. "It's the little things like that which keep us sane and together, things that may seem silly and foolish to others are normal and rational to us"

There are also benefits to being far apart, as Dean explains "As he's in England and I'm in Hong Kong, we have plenty of time to do our own thing, he has his hobbies and I mine, we each have our independence, oh and it's so much easy keeping birthday presents hidden and surprises not spoilt by each other snooping in the closet trying to find the present stash or whatever"

It makes me smile when Dean talks like that, but I know the biggest thing I miss is the physical affection of actually being with someone day in and day out. "We've learnt to cope with that" Andrew says, "We both trust each other on the fidelity front, we have cam sex and god, when we do get to be with each other - lets just say the ground really does move, we make up for lost time!"

So, LDR's, Dean & Steve seem to be making it work, it's not been easy, they've had their ups and downs, just like any couple, but together, while apart, they can get through it. I wish them the best of luck.

As for Matt and I, well only the future will tell, can we make it through the distance? Can our love keep us strong? Keep us together? You'll have to keep coming back to find out.

What do you think? Comments are, as always most welcome.

Jason Shaw, the Brighton blogger from The Seafront Diaries, writes exclusively for Best Gay Blogs.

Farewell and thanks for the memory

2009-09-15T05:25:00.001+01:00

“Nobody puts baby in the corner”
Dirty Dancing film star Patrick Swayze has died aged 57, advised the star’s publicist
.
Annett Wolf said that the US actor had died after battling pancreatic cancer for almost two years.

The star of such classic films as Dirty Dancing and Ghost was diagnosed with advanced stage four pancreatic cancer in January last year. "Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months,” the statement said, no further details were released.
No other details were given.

In an interview earlier this year, the 57 year old told Barbara Walters that he was going through hell and was scared of the future, but remained positive on his bleak prognosis.
"Am I dying? Am I giving up? Am I on my death bed? Am I saying goodbye to people? No way," he said. "I keep dreaming of a future, a future with a long and healthy life, not lived in the shadow of cancer but in the light,"

Pancreatic cancer is one of the most virulent types of cancer which medical experts say has a 5% five-year survival rate.

Patrick Wayne Swayze, born on 18 August, 1952 in Houston, Texas, he was the son of a choreographer and dance instructor and an engineer and developed into a natural athlete. Later he studied gymnastics for two years and in 1972 he moved to New York to complete his dance training at the Harkness and Joffrey ballet schools. He started professional career dancing professionally with Disney on Parade, he played Prince Charming. He also appeared in the Broadway musical Grease.

When he was 27 in 1979, he landed the role of Ace Johnson in the movie Skatetown USA, a rather dire flick about the recent passion for roller discos.

Patrick Swayze's big break came at ripe age of 31 starring alongside Rob Lowe in the Outsiders. This 1983 drama, also starred Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez and Matt Dillon, and it’s said, this was the birth of the Brat Pack!

His TV breakthrough came in the American civil war miniseries North and South, which received critical acclaim both in the US and the UK and became one of the most successful TV mini-series of all time.

It was 1987 when he starred as a naughty dance instructor with a heart of gold in global runaway success Dirty Dancing. It was a low low-budget movie that was intended for a very brief cinema run before going straight to video. However, things didn’t pan out that way and the movie became a modern day classic. Indeed, it was the first film to sell one million copies on video and as of 2007 has earned over £210 million that’s $300 million worldwide. It was also this film that gave Patrick his first and only top 10 song “She's like the Wind”

A string of moderately successful action movies followed until 1990 when Swayze again found top form with the box office smash hit Ghost, alongside Demi Moore. It’s a well known Hollywood fact that the role, of a man who comes back from the dead to protect his girlfriend was turned down by several top A-listers including Tom Hanks Paul Hogan and Bruce Willis before Swayze was offered the part.
Ghost made over £347million that’s $500million and earned an Academy Award for Whoopi Goldberg, as best supporting actress.

Patrick Swayze followed that success with Point Break, a white knuckle action movie about thrill seeking surfers turned bank robbers and it was this film that his title of Sexiest Man Alive, by People magazine.

Not very successful, yet earning Swayze brownie points with the gay community was the drag queen flick, “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, where he donned a dress and became tranny Vida Boheme. The film came out around the same time as the more globally successful Pricilla, Queen of the Desert – now a popular West End Musical, however, still raised Swayze’s popularity with us gays.

He fell from a horse and broke both his legs in 1996 and the accident prone star was back in the headlines in 2001 when he crash landed his light plain. He never regained the popularity and box office sales as he did with Ghost and Dirty Dancing, despite an all too short role in Donnie Darko.

In early 2008, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he then retreated from public life and stayed at his ranch in California, Swayze talked about his health. "I live to keep fit. I don't have any option. I have to flank cattle every day of my life, and train horses, ride fences and dance with my wife." He said.

He returned to work, playing veteran FBI agent Charles Barker in The Beast. Swayze's performance was praised by critics as "one of the performances of his career".

In January this year he was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, he was released after a few days and insisted he was fighting his cancer as best he could. It’s said that he died on Monday, surrounded by his family.

“To Patrick Swayze, farewell and thanks for everything”

I'm proud to write for and

Factor X

2009-09-12T15:10:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I went for a nice long ride, headed off towards Shoreham and then took the Downs Link trail towards Bramber, but once there, stop I did not and carried on. The Downs Link is a footpath/cycle track that links the North and South Downs here in the South, is so pleasant to cycle along, peaceful, pretty, in the countryside. There was a large part where I was cycling between fields, recently ploughed and all you could see for mile and miles in either direction was countryside.

As I cycled, I kept thinking, I wish I'd taken Matt this way, when he was over, I would loved have shown it to him. Indeed I'm thinking that a lot these days, along with playing 'slug bug, punch Herbie' to myself every single time I see a little VW Beetle. I usually win, but sometimes I even let him get one in first, especially if it sneeks up on me. When I was over there, they seemed so small and compact, compared to other cars, yet over here they are normal size and indeed as long as some of the 6 seater estate cars.

There has not been much communication between Matt and i just lately, he's got uni and work and game playing and I've got work and writing, plus the 6 hour time difference doesn't help. So needless to say, I am therefore missing him like I would my left leg if it had been ripped from my hip and stolen in the night. There are times when my heart can not ache more, when my mind is filled with nothing other than him, dreams of the future memories of the past. Then there are other times that I am able to cover the huge hole that is my heart and continue with day to day living. It's hard to answer, when people ask how he is, my eyes moisten as I say he's alright, and explain, like above, that we've not spoken much. LDR's or long distance relationships can be so painfully hard, the distance can at times overwhelm you and consume your very being. It's difficult to reign in the terror of the unknown, the realisation that the present has to be endured if the pleasure of the future is to be attained. I so want to be able to talk with him, to hold him, to feel his breath upon my face, just to be in the same room as him would be such heavenly delight, yet such simple things, however it's those simple things that are so very elusive. Can I cope? Can he cope? What really is the future? Is there anyway to make it easier? Will I stop hitting myself when playing a solo round of 'punch Herbie/slug bug'? Is this enough questions? Find out next time!

X Factor !

So X Factor is back on our screens, has it really been a year since the last one? I'm sure those X'ers of 2008 are still on tour in some long forgotten village hall here in the UK, or doing the midnight show at Bognor Butlin's, maybe I'm getting confused the with 'never were's' from Britain's Got Talent?

But, yes, X Factor is back, with a new format, OK so it's been back a couple of weeks, but to be fair I thought I'd give it a couple of weeks before I commented on the new strange format. If you've not seen it, the good, bad and ugly sing in front of the smug four judges but also a 2000 strong audience and their family and friends back stage. Dermot O'shout-a-lot standing in the wings grabbing hold of each of the auditionees as they bound of stage either with joy of success or despondent with dismissal.

The fun for me in past shows was the bitch, funny, interesting, insulting judges banter behind closed doors after each audition. Also, now the journey to the final has been obliterated, after all in years past, the inexperienced singist passes audition, goes to boot camp, there they learn to cope with proper singing and performing in front of a live audience before they get through the rounds to the final. Now, of course, that's redundant as they've already done the audience bit in the audition stage!

Another reason why the 'open' audition audience things that pisses me off is the fact, and I believe we've already seen it, is an audience feeling sorry for a performer and cheering them on and pretty much forcing Simon and the est to put said performer through to the next round even if they are sodding crap and without the audience misplaced sympathy would never have gone further than the embarrassing audition.

Most people I've spoken to also hate the new format, indeed a lot now believe it's too much like the Britain's Got Talent show, one can almost see Simon reaching for that big red button!

Will the new style encourage the true talent of the hopefuls to shine through, or will it favour the cruddy karaoke singers, who know how to work a crowd a little ? I dunno, I guess time will tell, all I know is I dislike the new format a great deal, but I'll still watch, only to see the cringe worthy god damn awful tone death talentless tosspots that delight, embarrass and amaze the viewing audience.

So far, here's some to watch out for in the semi's:

1) Lloyd Daniels, 16 year old Welsh boy.

2) Lucie Jones, also from Wales and 19 years of age.

3) Jamie Archer - or Jamie Afro for obvious reasons!

Well, we'll also see more tonight!

Apple

I have to say, I was pretty disappointed by the news from San Francisco from the latest 'Rock n Roll' event from Apple! It was all high excitement, all ready for a 'One last thing' moment from a very weak and thin looking Steve Jobs, loads and loads of people expecting it to be the new iTablet computer - me included, but sadly it's just a camera in a iPod Nano. OK so that's pretty good, it's pretty flashy, but it's hardly the same as an iTablet, is it? Yes there were some other announcements, mainly about enhancements to iTunes, but on the whole, a bit of an anti-climax. Still, it was nice to see Jobs on his feet and back at work.

I'm proud to write for and

Ellen DeGeneres you be the Judge!

2009-09-10T17:16:00.000+01:00

Announced yesterday, Ellen DeGeneres is the new American Idol Judge, replacing out going an annoying Paula Abdul ! The shock news has left fans divided and hit headlines around the world.

The announcement came last night from American Idol, that the Emmy award winning telly show host had got Paula's old job and was joining the judges. The ninth season of American Idol premieres in January 2010 on FOX. And the lovely lesbian Ellen DeGeneres will join the judges' panel after the auditions, which will feature appearances by guest judges Victoria 'POSH' Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Kristin Chenoweth, Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry and Shania Twain.

Ellen said, "I'm thrilled to be the new judge on American Idol. I've watched since the beginning, and I've always been a huge fan. So getting this job is a dream come true, and think of all the money I'll save from not having to text my vote."

On her TV show, she commented "Hopefully, I'm the people's point of view because I'm just like you," DeGeneres said on her syndicated talk show Thursday. "I sit at home and I watch it, and I don't have that technical ... I'm not looking at it in a critical way from the producer's mind. I'm looking at it as a person who is going to buy the music and is going to relate to that person."

Simon Fuller, the creator and exec producer was equally happy with the news, "I could not be more excited to have Ellen join the American Idol family. Ellen has been a fan of the show for many years, and her love of music and understanding of the American public will bring a unique human touch to our judging panel. I can't wait for this next season to begin."

Ellen's career began as an emcee at a local comedy club in her hometown of New Orleans, which led to national recognition in 1982 when her videotaped club performances won Showtime's "Funniest Person In America" honor. She began her acting career in television on the sitcom "Open House." then moved on to "Laurie Hill," prior to being offered a part on "These Friends of Mine" by ABC. After the first season, the show was renamed "Ellen." Running from 1994 to 1998, the show got record ratings, with Ellen receiving Emmy nominations each season in the Best Actress category. In 1997, Ellen was the recipient of the coveted Peabody Award as well as earning an Emmy for writing the critically acclaimed "Puppy Episode" when her character came out as a gay woman to a record 46 million viewers.

Ellen DeGeneres has made a home for herself in the daytime telly area, the hit syndicated talk show, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." is now entering its seventh season and has won the Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host four years in a row and has earned a total of 29 Daytime Emmy Awards. She was in the top 5 of Forbes "Most Influential Women in Media"

However, not everyone is greeting news of her appointment as one of the American Idol judges with open arms and wide smiles, "What the fuck does she know about music?" complained one AI fan on a music top message board. Another blogger wrote " "Is she going to be a real judge or some kind of joke?" asked one American Idol blogger. "She's a comedian, not a singer or a musician. I'm kinda flummoxed here."

"She will be a breath of fresh air on that show, a complete breath of fresh air," Sharon Osbourne, told PEOPLE Magazine on Wednesday evening "It's new blood. And needed something new to happen. I think if they had replaced Paula with another singer, it would have been too expected,” she said. "'Oh well, there we go, another singer.' And with Ellen, you've got someone who knows about entertaining, and everything that goes into it, which also speaks for the people."

As for me, well I think it's good news, it's no secret that I loved her show, and watch it as often as I can when I'm in The States, it's on at 6am over in England, which is far too early for any sane person to get up! But, Ellen who wed her girlfriend Porta De Rossi last year is such an entertaining lady, who doesn't take herself too seriously and is incredibly giving is worth rising at the crack of dawn for!

Good luck Ellen!

More soon, Jason Shaw writing exclusively for The Seafront Diaries and Best Gay Blogs! Thanks for the lone of your eyes for a while, come take a ride on this train called life with me, leave me your comments!

61m, 9 / 9 / 9

2009-09-09T15:09:00.000+01:00

61 million! That's the amount of folk that live here in the UK according to the latest figures from the government released last week. Now, if you ask me, that sounds like a lot of people living on our tiny island, so I thought I'd do a little check around the world at other populations, plus the area in which they all live, just for fun you know! Some of the fact surprised me!

Country......... Population (in millions) Area (in square miles)
Canada ......... 33.2 3.8 million
USA.............. 308.8 3.8 million
Peru............. 28.2 496,225
UK............... 61.4 93,638
France.......... 61.9 210,026
Germany....... 82.5 137,849
Netherlands..... 16.5 16,164
Spain............. 44.6 195,360
Italy............... 59 116,346
China............. 1.34 billion 3.7 million
Australia........... 21 2.9 million
Thailand........... 64.3 198,115
South Africa....... 48.8 470, 693
Morocco............ 31.6 274, 461
Rwanda............. 10 10,169
New Zealand........ 4.2 104,454
As you can see from these stats, the UK is one of the most heavily populated countries given our rather small land mass, kinda explains why it all looks so busy and packed in town these days!

Also, this is all rather strange, but I'm doing this blog, to release at 09.09am on 09 Sept 2009 or rather 09/09/09 all rather strange, even stranger when you realise that 9th September is the 252nd day of the year, add 2, 5, 2 together and you get 9! Of course 999 is the number for the emergency services here in the UK, but turn it upside down and it's 666, the internationally renown number of the beast, the mark of the devil. Only time will tell what the days events will bring, I expect a lot and nothing, although many things have been predicted, including another terrorist attack like that of September 11th or July 7th, Apple may be launching the iTablet in San Francisco, the film 9 comes out. So good luck everyone!

Last bite of the Apple?

2009-09-07T08:15:00.000+01:00

It's been another long shift, with a noticeable absence of three staff, one to sickness, one to holiday and one to a different position, (I'll miss you Sharon - but you'd better keep in touch) I've been good and cycled into work each evening, it's been very pleasant, weather kind, cycling home though, after a 12 hour night shift has not been quite so easy or as pleasant, it's surprising how tired one becomes during the 5.5 mile ride!

The hot news this week, not about me or Matt but about techie stuff, so some of you might get a little bored with the following post - sorry, but on the other hand some of you, perhaps fans of a certain manufacturer, will be gripped by every single word, or at least that's the hope!

The world of consumer electronics is about to be turned on it's head, excitement is building to monumental levels, techno blogs are buzzing, electronics websites are alive with news and speculation of the latest launch from the Rolls Royce of consumer electronics, a company whose products have changed the world - Apple.

Apple are, according to all industry insiders about to launch a brand new piece of electronic 'must have' hardware that will shake the foundations of the consumer electronics industry. Stand by for a major announcement in just days time of the cool, super, funky and uber stylish 'touchscreen' super small computer. This new amazing tablet computer, iTablet, as it may be called, appears to be little more than a pretty 10inch touch screen will house a super fast processor and operating system that have change the way we now view multi functional phones and MP3's.

What, no keyboard? Nope, there will be no real keyboard with the latest piece of wizardry, this tablet or iTablet, looks like a bigger version of the smooth iPod Touch, the keyboard will appear on the sensitive yet strong screen and be finger big, and improvement on the touch with those of us with little fat piggy fingers.

Obviously, with no official word from Apple HQ, there is no hard and fast facts about what will be on the new piece of kit, but it's going to have all the same features as an iPhone or iPod Touch 2nd gen, with many of the same apps able to be downloaded straight onto the device. And, talking of downloading, other industry insiders believe that iTunes is about to carry a vast range of books, to download, which could also make it's new tablet computer a wonderful electronic reader.

One hears talk of Apple being in the deep final talks with US network Verizon to provide the connectivity for it's new device, although no word has been forthcoming from the press office at either company, to confirm or deny this industry speculation. It is known that Verizon is working on a major project. And what could be bigger than this new gizmo from Apple? I'm guessing here, but from industry estimations, this new device could be in the sexy and white Apple retail stores in America before this Christmas and all set to sell up to 3 million before the end of 2010 !

Worth over $140 billion, Apple is the force to be reckoned with in the whole consumer electronics industry, it is, a world leader without doubt, where it goes the others follow. It brings out products that can, do and have changed the world as we know it. Remember those iMac's that showed computers didn't have to be boring dull square beige boxes and pretty much revolutionised the industry back in the day. Fast forward a little while to a couple of years ago when the latest must have was an iPod, those classic music storage devices had a unique charm that was loved by all. Think more recent and those charming, sweet, stylish and colourful iPod nano's and the teeny tiny shuffles have a whole new region of fans. The iPhone has now been raised to darn near iconic status with all the major manufacturers coming up second with their copies. The iPod Touch is the iPhone without the phone bit, but watch this space, there's talk of a new 'Skype' like application that could change all that, very very soon.

Apple is stylish, Apple is technologically advanced, Apple is exciting and Apple has also managed what most brands strive for but fail to achieve and that is consumer 'love'. People, do love Apple, I mean they really do love it, the company and the products, far beyond that for any other electrical manufacturer, or even any other company for that matter. Owning a bit of kit from Apple is like belonging to a club, and you'll probably not just own one Apple product, you'll have two or three, it's a brand that creates loyalty among it's customers, indeed Appleheads have been known to queue outside Stores to be the first to get their hands on new products for over 48 hours, such is their interest and love in the whole 'Apple' world.

But why? Is it just because the products are, when they are launched, the most stylish and technologically advanced on the market. Is it pure brand loyalty, or is it the feeling that you are in the 'Apple' club headed up by Steve Jobs? Indeed, the commanding officer of Apple Inc, is the reason it's such a successful company, and the only reason. Apple is, Steve Jobs and Steve Jobs is Apple. Not only is he in charge of the company, he's a hands on leader and nothing is down without his say so, he has the final word on everything, the ultimate power. It was he that decided to allow outside companies to produce applications for the iPhone and Touch. It was he that decided what the colours of the latest generation of Nano's, if Jobs doesn't like it, it doesn't get done. Is this because he's just an egotistical power crazed man with a huge god complex, or simply the end user of the products his company makes?

It's no lie or exaggeration to describe Steve Jobs as a bit of a control freak, back in the days of the first Mac, he told his engineers he didn't want expansion slots, against their better judgment and advice. He's still that controlling, so much is 'Apple' his company that he didn't want people getting into his laptops, so has made it impossible for users to change it's battery. But, it's this man who holds the ultimate power in Apple now, could mark it's downfall later.

Steve Jobs is not, it would seem a very well man, when he steps up on stage for his next seminar and when he launches the new tablet touchscreen computer, as he has done all previous products, could very well be the last time he does. In 2004 he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, usually fatal however, his tumour was a rare kind that was operable, he returned to work in 2007, although he was in pretty much constant contact with the office. Earlier this year he took time off and has since had a liver transplant at The Memphis Liver Center. Job is back on his feet and is, according to the rumour mill of the industry, about to do one of his mega long speech, come preach come launch. How long will he go on and is the new 'Tablet going to be the last bite of the Apple?

Would Apple survive and be as good as it is today without Jobs in the top job? The answer I think is pretty clear, given it's history, is a resounding, no! As I said before, Steve Jobs is Apple and Apple is Steve Jobs!

Thanks for the loan of your eyes and brain cells for a short while, hopefully we can do it again sometime in the not too distant future. Remember keep coming back for me and telling ya friends, I need all the readers I can get!

Also, in a rather interesting and exciting move, you'll also be able to catch some or my posts, plus exclusive features and stories on the wonderful http://www.bestgayblogs.com/ website.

Kissing the diet goodbye!

2009-09-03T17:31:00.001+01:00

Since I've been back from America, I've kinda been on a healthy eating diet, long gone are the sweets, the candy, the cream cakes the fried egg sandwiches made with butter fried bread. I'm trimming down, I'm loosing weight, I'm trying to get rid of the chubby over expanded wobbly belly that suddenly appears Stateside.

However, I needed be, for I am, it would appear, just a follower of the latest fashion! Yes, indeed for once I am a trend setter, I'm in the leading group rather than at the back of the pack as usual. No I'm not talking of my collection of stripy Hollister and American Eagle polo's, or my multicoloured socks, but my belly! Yes, my belly, it's in fashion, I kid thee not, my belly is all the rage in New York, America, the potbelly is taking over as the latest male hottest trend this summer, add ya shorts, ya v neck Hennes T and a pair of flipflops from Hollister, add on a leather cuff bracelet and it's the positive uniform for all young male New Yorkers.

“It’s not cool to be seen spending so much time fussing around about your body,” Apparently, but don't just take my word for it, read more in The New York Times.

So boys, kiss that diet goodbye and get a belly, it's fashionable!

Old Twittering!

2009-09-01T08:28:00.000+01:00

The girl next door is always on her phone, not calling and speaking to someone, but texting. Kevin, gets through his 300 text a month allowance within the first two weeks, he's not alone, teens it seems love to keep in touch, with each other, but they never use Twitter!

“I just don't get why other people would wanna know what I do all day" Kevin says between texting his friends. "My life is my life, not someone elses reading material!"

Kevin, the girl next door and thousands upon thousands of teenagers are steering clear of the micro blogging site. Just 11 percent of Twitters users are aged 12 to 17, according to somScore. Nope the odd 140 character blog site's unparalleled explosion in popularity has come from a different group, a population of older people. This shatters been driven by a decidedly older group. It's success has completely shattered the widely held belief that it's the younger generation that leads the way in making technological innovations popular!

Traditionally it's teenagers, or perhaps college and uni students that drive the popularity of new and emerging computer and web trends, after all look how that made FaceBook and MySpace household names. But, Twitter is a different kettle of fish, this is a site that has taken off in a big way, thanks to a completely different age range of people, proving it's not just the young that can stay ahead of the game.

It's interesting to note that, according to latest figures, whilst teenagers supplied the early growth of social networks, today they account for just over 14 per cent of MySpace users and only 9 percent of Facebook’s!

Could this be a sign that the web is, in fact growing up, maturing as it's initial audience has, the fact that Twitters demographic is significantly higher than first thought is evidence of a changing trend in the market. No longer are the kids are the foreground, but us oldies are now leading the way and shaping what's not only popular today but also whats hot tomorrow!

Adults have driven the growth of many web sites and services, for example, Blogger's early users where pretty much all in the over 25's category. YouTube's early success was with young adults, then OAP's before those teenagers piled onboard. Apparently it's the same for new gizmo's and gadgets, it wasn't long before the Wii from Nintendo found it's way into more grown up hands, take a look at there DS as well, you'll find the funky hand held system in more older and experienced hands than younger mitts - don't think I'm right, well just take a look at the TV ad's, it's all us older people with their brain training and the like. Kindle caught on first with adults and just take a peek at the Palm Pre, The iPhone, iPod Touch and other similar gadgets, all are largely adult only devices that are, extremely popular!

Almost everyone under 35 uses social networks that much is true, but the big growth area for these sites has been the 35 to 54 age group. Perhaps another reason why Twitter is just not as popular with the teens is the simple fact that it's less about communication with friends, and more about conversing with strangers and acquaintances, it turns out that it is better for broadcasting ideas or questions and answers to the outside world, it's also a great way for celebrities to communicate to the outside world, without having to wait for press interviews and TV media and they can do it in an unbiased way. Stephen Fry, Jonathan Ross, Alan Carr, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Ashton and Demi are all on the site and regularly tweet out to the world!

Twitter is also great way of breaking news, indeed news of Michael Jackson's death was first broken on Twitter's vast network of users long before mainstream media got hold of it. It was also instrumental in getting news out of Iran during their recent non-elections. It's a grown up site for grown up people, people who prefer to communicate with each other than sending beers that can't be drunk, flowers that can't be poked and playing endless, mind numbing quizzes.