Schmutzie.com

Me at Aiming Low: How To Align Images and Create Image Borders On the Internet, Even If You’re Not a Nerd

Schmutzie — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:57:30 PST

"How To Align Images and Create Image Borders On the Internet, Even If You’re Not a Nerd":

Want to dress up the images in your weblog entries? Give them some chutzpah? Punch them up with a little more style? Here are three simple HTML tricks you can use to left or right align your images with a margin for spacing and add borders.

Me at Sober Julie Doing Life: If Shame Was My Illness, Then Love Was the Antidote

Schmutzie — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:10:40 PST

"If Shame Was My Illness, Then Love Was the Antidote":

That day when I finally stood up from my table at a local pub and walked away from alcohol, I knew that I was walking away from shame fed by addiction, the snake that had been eating its own tail for over twenty years. I didn’t know how to love my life, but I knew how to lose a large chunk of my shame. I walked into sobriety, I made room for love, and I began to heal my life.

Doing My Duty For Gold Doubloons (aka Generously Sharing My Neighbourhood's Dead Bird Population With You)

Schmutzie — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:38:17 PST

In my continuing chronicles of local dead fowl, I give you this unfortunate pigeon, which has been lying frozen beside the sidewalk for at least two weeks.

I would apologize for this, but I held out as long as I could, and when I saw that the body wasn't going anywhere, I knew that I must do my duty.

And BAM! Here I go doing my duty again:

There was also a three-week old sandwich that's been frozen to the ground in a nearby parking lot, but I'm not that into food photography.

You can thank me in gold doubloons. I hear they're making a comeback.

The 2012 Bloggies: The Horizontal Mambo and the Shedding of My Dignity

Schmutzie — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:47:27 PST

I'm a nominee in the 2012 Bloggies!

Am I lowering myself to asking for votes? You betcha.

I am presently doing the horizontal mambo with a blue plastic bucket I've decided to affectionately name Binky, and it is in this depressed state that I have chosen to shed my dignity and tell you to:

go to the 2012 Bloggies website,
click on the word "canadian" in the little grey sidebar area to the left,
make sure you tick off Schmutzie.com as shown in the picture above,
fill out the submission form at the bottom of the site,
and then click on the link in the confirmation email they send you to make it all official.
Oh, and vote for people in the other categories, too, because there are some really kick ass people up for awards this year.

I like the Bloggies, you see, and I like you, you see, so it only makes sense to put two and two together, at least from February 1st to the 19th when voting is open.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Binky and I are going to finish up the third season of Degrassi Junior High on Netflix. Binky says that Kathleen is just a misunderstood girl whose dealing with a difficult home life, but I think she's just a gigantic jerk whose jerk-ness is complicated by bad karma.

Sometimes I think Binky's just full of it.

Ba da bum.

Five Star Friday's 180th Edition Is Brought to You By bell hooks

Schmutzie — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 07:58:09 PST

"Five Star Friday's 180th Edition Is Brought to You By bell hooks":

This week's Five Star Friday is brought to you by acceptance and love, the hardness of January, a family's history with breast cancer, the sudden loss of a father, the reality of welfare, Planned Parenthood and Susan G Komen, sexual innuendo, and bell hooks...

Manitou Mud and Soft Nipples

Schmutzie — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:34:44 PST

The following is a series of emails that the Palinode has been sending me over the course of the evening.

Manitou mud! It's on me.

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It's getting uncomfortable.

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When it dries it's this weird light green colour. Almost chartreuse.

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My skin is now insanely soft.

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I'm going to put this stuff on my nipples next. Result: the softest nipples of all.

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Post mud.

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Transcribe our conversation. Post the pictures I sent you. I have no shame. Just soft, smooth nipples.

How does one not swoon for such a man?

Although, I am a little concerned about how sad he looks now that he has the softest nipples of all. Maybe this is how the Universe is balancing things out. To giveth, it must taketh away.

Soft nipples: they will steal your joy.

Me at Aiming Low: Hello, My Name Is Schmutzie, and I Love Animated GIFs

Schmutzie — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:54:01 PST

"Hello, My Name Is Schmutzie, and I Love Animated GIFs":

It's a truth I'm getting used to. I watch dancing babies on lunch breaks. I laugh at puppies popping balloons with their teeth. I think fat guys that act like seals are hilarious.

The Ninjamatics' 2011 Canadian Weblog Awards Winners!

Schmutzie — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:27:21 PST

The Ninjamatics' 2011 Canadian Weblog Awards winners have been announced!

In case you don't already know, I am the engine behind these awards, and I am ridiculously pleased to be able to honour and showcase such a fine set of Canadian bloggers. Head on over and give them some love.

Grace in Small Things: Sunday Edition #88

Schmutzie — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 10:00:09 PST

Coffee with Shanan, which helped us both make it through the greyest of days
Getting in the last scores for the Ninjamatics' 2011 Canadian Weblog Awards and itching for it to be January 31st already so I can announce the winners
That it's not -40°F anymore and my back can unclench from all the shivering
A carrot cupcake with buttercream icing
A partner who brings me coffee in bed without being asked to on a Sunday morning

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace in Small Things.

Sorry, Pinterest. I'm a Jerk Sometimes.

Schmutzie — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:12:51 PST

Part of what keeps me away from Pinterest sometimes are the awful typographical posters that keep showing up. It's a trend I'd like to see people move away from. It makes me miss LOLcats.

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PS. And then, because I didn't take this far enough, I pinned this to Pinterest.