Scary Mommy

10 Reasons To Love Summer Break

The Scary Mommy Community — Sat, 13 Jun 2015 08:04:53 +0000

Image via Shutterstock

Rants abound as we face the dreaded summer vacation from school. But, the end of the school year isn’t always something to eye with trepidation. Consider these 10 Reasons To Love Summer Break:

1. No getting up at the ass crack of dawn to scorch a PopTart and search frantically for missing shoes while you try to detangle hair on a child that must have slept in a rat-infested wind tunnel.

2. No more lunch packing nightmares, or frantic perusal of Pinterest for hours to find new things to put in their lunches that might actually be consumed.

3. No more squinting through bleary sleep-crusted eyes trying to decipher “Please sign and return” notes that mysteriously just appeared out of thin air before time to walk out the door for school.

4. No midnight trips to the nearest store to grab something “must have” for school the next day.

5. You can live off of popsicles, bologna sandwiches, juice pouches and popcorn at least 4 days a week, without having to worry that some concerned authority figure at school will ask what they ate and call you in for detention.

6. No more projects. No more HOMEWORK! WOOT WOOT!

7. Loose and breezy summer schedules mean we don’t have to be any damn where. Zero obligations. If we want to sacrifice our free and easy schedule with summer activities or sports, we can. But we don’t have to.

8. No fights over bed time, we can stay up as late as we want! We can also sleep as late as we want. (Or until 6 am when your toddler, who gives zero fucks about your fun summer sleep late schedule, decides it’s time to get up any damn way.)

9. The Ice Cream Truck. You may hate the Ice Cream Truck in your neighborhood, but it’s our summer version of Santa Claus. “You better not pout, you better not cry, ice cream trucks only put out for big kids with dry eyes…”

10. Pool time totally counts as bath time AND can double as a sleep aide when combined with exertion and fresh air. Off to the pool at 3-4 in the evening? Hellllo, 7pm bed time.

Try to keep these great summer perks in mind while you wait out the last few weeks of school. And just keep holding that thought through June, when you’ll start to hear “I’m booooooooooooooored” for the 17210456413442157464th time.

The post 10 Reasons To Love Summer Break appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Tips For Surviving an Indoor Playground in 6 Easy Steps

Harmony Hobbs — Sat, 13 Jun 2015 07:00:04 +0000

Image via Shutterstock I live in the Deep South, where soaring temperatures and obscene humidity levels make being outdoors a miserable experience for approximately one half of the year. It’s not that I hate being hot. Many lovely places — like spas, saunas, and beaches — are hot. Being hot in the right situation is acceptable to me. What I find unacceptable is the feeling of makeup running down my face, my inner thighs sticking together and ripping apart when I walk, and what happens when a sweat-covered child lands in dirt. Because of these reasons and more, I know the location of every indoor playground within a 20-mile radius […]

The post Tips For Surviving an Indoor Playground in 6 Easy Steps appeared first on Scary Mommy.

A Thank You To The Big Kids

Victoria Fedden — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 17:30:00 +0000

Image via Shutterstock You didn’t sign up for this position. You didn’t choose to be the ones born first, a few years earlier, and if you asked to be in this situation, you probably didn’t know what being the older one actually entailed. Real babies and real toddlers, well, they’re a whole lot different than the stuffed animals you used to push in the toy stroller and put to bed in shoe boxes, aren’t they? Yet, you handle the younger ones with an unexpected patience and gentleness (OK, usually), and a lot of the time, you “Big Kids” do a better job of not totally losing it in the face […]

The post A Thank You To The Big Kids appeared first on Scary Mommy.

10 Celeb Quotes We Totally Relate To

Robyn Welling — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 16:00:27 +0000

Jaguar PS / Shutterstock.com Featureflash / Shutterstock.com Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com s_bukley / Shutterstock.com s_bukley / Shutterstock.com Debby Wong / Shutterstock.com DFree / Shutterstock.com Featureflash / Shutterstock.com Featureflash / Shutterstock.com

The post 10 Celeb Quotes We Totally Relate To appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Dear Friends Without Children

Katie Blackie — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 09:44:00 +0000

Image via Shutterstock Dear friends without children, I used to be one of you. Carefree and not on the schedule of a baby. With the ability to do what I wanted when I wanted to. I miss those days sometimes. And sometimes I am jealous of you because you still have those days. I know our relationship has changed since I became a mom, but there are some things I want you to know: I promise I won’t always be this busy. Eventually, my baby won’t be a baby anymore, and at some point, I can socialize on a regular basis again. Maybe not as much as I used to, […]

The post Dear Friends Without Children appeared first on Scary Mommy.

5 Ways to Wreck Summer for Your Kid

Ashley Trexler — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 08:00:00 +0000

Image via Shutterstock Dear Kid, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, so I’m going to give it to you straight: Your mom has gone batshit crazy. When it comes to your scheduled summer programming, she has morphed into a rabid, caffeinated control freak, obsessed with filling every moment of your summer break. Educational summer camps, music lessons, swim lessons … whatever it takes. Your day will be filled from dawn to dusk with structured activities, designed to encourage growth and accountability. Wait, you’re not even in middle school yet? That’s no excuse. Buck up, little camper, it’s time for summer “fun.” There will be no fort-building […]

The post 5 Ways to Wreck Summer for Your Kid appeared first on Scary Mommy.

13 Steps for a Foolproof Bedtime Routine

Kathleen Siddell — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 06:30:00 +0000

Image via Shutterstock Bedtime. It can be at once the most hopeful and the most cruel time of day. Some days it will love you with simple ease and tender timing. Other days it will slap you silly with screams and squeals and pleads for “just a couple more minutes.” It will trick you into thinking you’ve got it figured out, only to one day, without warning, turn your routine upside down. Bedtime is the time of day that sometimes holds the most promise and sometimes has you begging for it to just be over. If you too are suffering from a bedtime routine gone wrong, fret not my friend. […]

The post 13 Steps for a Foolproof Bedtime Routine appeared first on Scary Mommy.

7 Signs You May Have Failed at Kegels

Sandy Ramsey — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 05:00:00 +0000

Image via Shutterstock We all know what Kegel exercises are … right? Those super secret vagina squeezes we all do while sitting in a PTA meeting or a crowded coffee shop writing about Kegel exercises. They are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and keep those pelvic organs in place. They are also quite handy for keeping you from peeing your pants. In your 20s and maybe well into your 30s, you might not think much about your pelvic floor. It’s doing a fine job of holding in all the stuff, and everything works just as it should. Life gets busy, and it never really occurs to you that one day there […]

The post 7 Signs You May Have Failed at Kegels appeared first on Scary Mommy.