Sallying

"You don’t steal someone’s car unless they love you"

sallyingv — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 20:01:10 -0400

“You don’t steal someone’s car unless they love you”

- – Sally, 1999

Me: If Andy Kaufman came back today, it’s been so long no one would even get the joke

sallyingv — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 17:00:43 -0400

Me: If Andy Kaufman came back today, it’s been so long no one would even get the joke
Huey: But wouldn’t he think that made it the best joke ever?
Me:
Me:
Me: Whoa…
Louie: Right?

"Flashback"

sallyingv — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:00:44 -0400

“Flashback”

- Pete: Maybe you can answer this question: Why does everyone dance holding one hand in the air?
Sally: Because we have a beer in the other one

ALEXA, DAY 2

sallyingv — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 20:01:33 -0400

Pat: Alexa, play Russian music
Alexa: Sorry, you don't have that in your cloud music
Pat: Alexa, play Hungarian music
Alexa: Sorry, I don't have that
Pat: Damn, Sally what do you have?
Sally: I got this... Alexa, play 80's synth pop...
Pat: Alexa STOP
Sally: Alexa, play hair metal power ballad
*Tesla's "Love Song" comes on*
Pat: This song offends me
Sally: You're offended as the voice of a generation?
Pat: I'm offended as a DRUMMER!!

MY AMAZON ALEXA ARRIVED TODAY, AND SINCE WE UNPACKED IT, MY AFTERNOON HAS GONE LIKE THIS:

sallyingv — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 17:01:00 -0400

Pat: Alexa, what is the meaning of life?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP
Pat: Alexa, how long do cats live?
Pat: Alexa, who invented liquid soap and why?
Pat: Alexa, put "gum" on my shopping list
Pat: Alexa, where is my shopping list?
Pat: Alexa, what is the weather going to be like in Alexandria, Virginia a week from Tuesday?
(Those of you with toddlers get it, I'm sure.)
Pat: Alexa, do I look fat in this?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP!!!!!!!
Pat: Alexa, what do you think of Donald Trump?
Pat: Alexa, do you know who I am?

"I’d love to be Bryce Harper’s dick, for just one day. Half a day. Hell, I’d take an hour""

sallyingv — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 14:01:01 -0400

“I’d love to be Bryce Harper’s dick, for just one day. Half a day. Hell, I’d take an hour"”

- I promised if I posted this, I would not say who it was.

"I’m “Maybe I should call a cab to take me from the Starboard to the Rudder” years old, apparently"

sallyingv — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 20:01:16 -0400

“I’m “Maybe I should call a cab to take me from the Starboard to the Rudder” years old, apparently”

- – Sally, June 2018

"Lately I’m more optimistic about the future of my marriage. I caught my husband on Tinder, so..."

sallyingv — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 17:00:49 -0400

“Lately I’m more optimistic about the future of my marriage. I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully he’ll meet somebody soon”

- Overheard in Dewey Beach, probably

Bernie Guy: Your way doesn't help everybody

sallyingv — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 14:00:52 -0400

Bernie Guy: Your way doesn't help *everybody*
Hillary Girl: Your way doesn't help ANYBODY
Guy: But it could!
Girl: But it won't!
Guy: ...
Girl: ...
Guy: ...
Girl: So should we just go make out?
#Unity

"Pro-tip: There is always a hotter girl."

sallyingv — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 20:01:26 -0400

“Pro-tip: There is always a hotter girl.”

- Words to Live By

"Get over yourself, Pete. My high school girlfriends aren’t calling up all offended that I made fun..."

sallyingv — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 17:00:57 -0400

“Get over yourself, Pete. My high school girlfriends aren’t calling up all offended that I made fun of cow-tipping…”

- Steve K, December 19, 2014

Out of town guest: What was that hole in the wall place we went to that time?

sallyingv — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 14:00:59 -0400

Out of town guest: What was that hole in the wall place we went to that time?
Sally: *Don’t say Dan’s Cafe*
OOT2: In Adams Morgan
Sally: *Don’t say Dan’s Cafe*
OOT3: Ya with the ketchup bottles
Sally: *Don’t*
OOT4: And airplane liquor
Sally: *Noooooo*
OOT1: Sally?
Sally: Um, I don’t know any places like that. Let’s go back to the Hill.
Because Adult.

Ralph: ... No, that was ANOTHER time Sally tried to use the men's room and got us kicked out of a bar

sallyingv — Mon, 16 Jul 2018 20:01:28 -0400

Ralph: ... No, that was ANOTHER time Sally tried to use the men's room and got us kicked out of a bar
Rich: That happens to her a lot
Me: Ya, that's really all I get kicked out of bars for anymore

"I hate playing “Never Have I Ever” - I always lose."

sallyingv — Mon, 16 Jul 2018 17:01:00 -0400

“I hate playing “Never Have I Ever” - I always lose.”

- Overheard in Dewey

"There’s no excuse for being bad in bed. Unless you’re drunk."

sallyingv — Mon, 16 Jul 2018 14:01:02 -0400

“There’s no excuse for being bad in bed. Unless you’re drunk.”

"If Monica Lewinsky banged the President these days she’d be bigger than Taylor Swift."

sallyingv — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 20:01:20 -0400

“If Monica Lewinsky banged the President these days she’d be bigger than Taylor Swift.”

Huey: What are you doing here?

sallyingv — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 17:00:53 -0400

Huey: What are you doing here?
Louie: Oh, you know, I had this move... so I came here to bust it.
"How I Met Your Mother"

"Are you INSANE? You can’t look directly at a potato bug!!"

sallyingv — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 14:00:56 -0400

“Are you INSANE? You can’t look directly at a potato bug!!”

- Anyone who’s looked directly at potato bug… and lived.

"Songs make you remember. Alcohol makes you forget."

sallyingv — Sat, 14 Jul 2018 20:01:15 -0400

“Songs make you remember. Alcohol makes you forget.”

- RT @Dash_of_Crazy

"I know just enough Spanish to confuse everybody."

sallyingv — Sat, 14 Jul 2018 17:00:48 -0400

“I know just enough Spanish to confuse everybody.”

- Sally