An eye catching evening clutch for a holiday party will definitely put you in a party mood. Add some sparkle, just a touch. Moderation is the key to not looking like you are trying too hard. Pair the gold accessories with solid colors such as black, charcoal gray or perhaps even fuchsia if you dare. But most of all, have fun with it and rotate your gold toned accessories with various outfits, perhaps add some classics to your handbag collection in shades that are hot right now, including a shiny metallic gold, an antiqued gold and even a bronze finish. This would make a great statement piece though!

First up is the sweetly dramatic Giuseppe Zanotti gold leather gathered stone convertible clutch (top, $930 on Bluefly.com). I love the red stone and the gathering detail, but am not so sure about the little ties hanging out at the bottom of the purse? Or if you are a fan of python, what do you think of Kara Ross’s “Nero” python clutch (middle, $795 at Net-a-Porter). The metallic finish python is exquisite, but the silver toned plate on front seems a bit irrelevant and unnecessary. But my favorite is the Rafe New York Washed Metallic Flap Clutch (bottom, $354 at Zappos). The distressed metallic leather clutch is sized generously at 13-inches long and 8-inches high. This curved envelope clutch features a top flap with a subtle push lock closure. On the inside you’ll find a pocket to hold your essentials for a night on the town.

via The Find

Where were the fireworks last night? Where was the drama? Was it hiding in new housewife Alexis’s cleavage? Was her creepy, weak-chinned husband keeping it from the watchful eyes of the Real Housewives of Orange County viewership?

Wherever it is, we didn’t see much of it. Tamra copped to having jealousy issues, all of the housewives tried on lingerie without punching each other in the face, Gretchen got up on a pole but managed to stay clothed, and Jeana exited the show with little fanfare and a dinner where both of her sons managed to not be total douchebags.

Where was the wig-pulling? The bad, auto-tuned dance songs? The glasses of white wine with straws in them? Oh yeah, wrong housewives. Darn. I kind of miss those other ones.

So, about Gretchen and that pole. It was in Arizona, for a friend’s birthday, and there were burlesque dancers with sequin pasties and fire jugglers and things like that. Kind of a fun party, seems like. I bet it had an open bar, too – none of those stingy drink tickets. Gretchen had a few too many (she weighs approximately 110 pounds, so a few too many is probably two), almost kissed a “pole artist,” as Blair Waldorf would say, and then hopped up on the pole herself. She swung around drunkenly for a minute, and, uh, went and banged Slade? Passed out drunk on the bathroom floor like a classy lady? Who knows.

Admittedly, Slade is probably a histrionically terrible person. He’s apparently $80,000 behind on child support to his terminally ill son, and I’m not sure that there’s anything worse that you can do than that, but he made up a snarky lil’ nickname for Vicki (Ficky, because she’s fake and icky) and gave me a quote to use for this episode, so I’ll save his evisceration for another week. At least he’s willing to admit that he’s poor.

While Gretchen was in Arizona getting acquainted with a pole (which might be important for her future career, considering her current financial standing), Tamra was having Alexis and her husband over for hotdogs on the grill in order to gawk at her giant diamond ring and even gianter “knockers.” Alexis can’t go to a pool party without a nanny, so she brought one of those, too. Apparently the other one had the day off.

Tamra finally admitted that she was jealous of someone, although it was Alexis and not Gretchen, and the she was mostly quiet and ineffectual for the rest of the episode. Well, she did snipe at her husband for making a few completely reasonable jokes, and she also showed us that she has a really tacky body kit and ugly rims on her Mercedes SUV, but that’s about par for the Tamra course, I suppose.

The people that really got under my skin during this episode were Alexis and specifically her husband Jim. As soon as she started preaching about Jesus in their relationship, I knew I wasn’t going to like her (nothing gets old faster than self-righteousness, and did you hear the way she ordered that margarita?), but I actually like him even less.

It seems like he’s one of those guys that couldn’t date the hot girls in high school, but he eventually got rich and uses his financial power to bastardize the idea of a “traditional” marriage to mean that he calls the shots and expects the gold-digging broad he married to be the ideal, submissive female at all times, and she better not talk too loudly or try on lingerie in view of others or go on a vacation without him. And if she gains a couple of pounds as she gets older? Holy crap, someone call the divorce lawyer, he’ll just trade her in for a newer model. Although with his flabby second and third chins and pot belly, he appears to be unconcerned about whether or not she wants a hot husband.

Let this be a lesson to everyone: if you think your marriage is happy and you don’t need the cash, don’t go on a reality show. You might think that being famous looks fun, but it’s not. The diamond on your finger may do a pretty decent job of distracting you for what a dick your husband is, but unless he gives every entertainment writer and blogger on the face of the planet a similar giant diamond, we’re not going to find his “quirks” similarly endearing, and were going to remind you of that endlessly. This woman is easily the best looking housewife from any of the various cities and appears to more or less perfectly fit the traditional ideal of female beauty; she could do so much better than this slimy, sniveling douchebag that’s squirming his way uneasily through middle age in clothes made for douchey people two decades his junior.

Okay, I’ve taken a deep breath and hopped off of my feminist soapbox until next week. Let’s talk about the lingerie party. Specifically, let’s talk about why we didn’t see more of the underwear-clad male model that was serving champagne to everyone. A cute, silent, barely dressed guy giving out free booze? Where do I get one of my own? And mostly, that was the only interesting thing that happened, besides the fact that Gretchen and Tamra managed to not rip each others’ faces off.

Lynn continued to not do anything at all, which appears to be a constant problem in her life. Her family is preparing to move to a smaller home, which we know that she’ll eventually get evicted from, and I can’t figure out for the life of me why they don’t own a home of some sort of her husband is in construction and real estate and they were, at one point, rich. And apparently they have no savings to fall back on, and also, nothing taking up the spaces between their ears. I feel sorry for their one kid that appears to be at least temporarily well-adjusted. That won’t last long with parents like hers.

There was also blessedly little Vicki in this episode, except for a brief appearance at La Perla and a conversation with Jeana about how Jeana was kind of sick of hanging out with Mean Girls. I don’t think that Vicki realizes that when she said Mean Girls, she meant her and Tamra – she was probably too busy cutting apples to go in her lasagna (WTF? Is apple lasagna, like, a thing?) to even notice what they were talking about. And then Jeana had a cute family cookout with her kids (her drunken douche of an ex-husband was, inexplicably, still roaming around the house), who were all fairly civil and human-like for the entire thing, even the male ones.

And then Jeana rode off into the sunset, removing any last vestige of likability from this entire nightmare of a show. We can only hope that maybe her financial situation won’t improve and she’ll have to come back, but for her sake (and that of her daughter, who seems like a genuinely normal girl), I hope she gets to stay far, far away from all of this.

Back when I wrote about the fantastical, confusing, reptilian shoes that Alexander McQueen showed for his brilliant Spring 2010 runway show, I remember thinking that the only person that I could see actually trying to wear the shoes in any serious way was Lady Gaga. Apparently I can predict the future, so if any of you would like to know if you should dump your current boyfriend, you know who to ask.

Ok, really, it wasn’t that impressive of a prediction – these shoes are beyond fierce and Gaga is the only person on the face of the planet besides maybe Daphne Guinness that can really own them. And that’s exactly what she does to no less than three different pairs in her brand new video for Bad Romance.

To make things even better, she also sports head-to-toe McQueen straight off the catwalk about three and a half minutes into the song. The shiny, reptilian ensemble that she chose was my favorite of the collection and a total standout across all of Paris Fashion Week, and it deserved to be enshrined in pop culture history this way. I’m seeing her in Atlanta in December, and I can only hope that she takes a piece or two of this McQueen brilliance on the road with her. Have a great weekend, everyone!

This time, though, I think they got it right – the argyle pattern of the Bottega Veneta Argyle Veneta Intrec Argyle Boston Bag works on its own and with the weaving.

The traditional diamond structure of the painted argyle shares some of the diagonal lines of the intrecciato leather without completely mimicking it, which is the key to its success. The rounded edges of the argyle is in contrast to the right angles of the leather, but the two still fit together in a logical and visually pleasing way. From a distance, you don’t notice the woven structure, but it provides a nice surprise when the bag is examined close-up. The bag works on both levels, and it provides a great example for how to mix textures and patterns the right way. Buy through Barneys for $2700.

I’ve always been critical of Christian Louboutin handbags in the past, but I’ve seen a few that I don’t hate in the past season. With all the design genius in that company, I knew they would pull together their handbag line sooner or later, and they appear to be slowly but surely turning out some purses that do justice to their drool-worthy shoes. The Christian Louboutin Lolita Montone Bag is surely a step in the right direction.

The biggest criticism I have of this bag is that it’s a bit plain, but since most of Louboutin’s bags are very simple and clean, I’ll chalk that up to a fundamental difference in personal taste between me and whoever is in charge of this line. The pleating, which is the bag’s main visual element, is soft but still refined, and the gold chain handle and Louboutin logo give bag a little bit of shine. Besides, I’ve always been partial to gold hardware with white leather – it just looks right. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $1195.

ShopBop continues to bring us a small, eclectic group of vintage handbags. What are we digging the most? The Chanel bags. Chanel vintage handbags show us that the brand is not only timeless but also that their designs continue to be relevant. The newest addition to the vintage collection at ShopBop is a Chanel Vinyl Bag which features signature chain straps with a clear vinyl body and interlocking black letter Cs at the front and back.

The reason this bag doesn’t do much for me is because I have never loved vinyl bags. If I wanted to own a vinyl bag, this could be it. I can picture pairing this bag with large oversized sunglasses and a casual outfit of jeans and a tee. In my mind it looks good. The other thing about a clear bag is to make sure whatever is showing through is not entirely awful. I would opt for oversized colorful pouches to be the innards which will show through with a little pop of color. Dimensions are 12.5″H x 16.5″L x 4.5″D. Buy through ShopBop for $2,860.

Some of my personal favorite handbags are ones that so accurately capture a bygone era that they could probably be passed off as really fantastic vintage finds. So much in fashion is predicated on what has been done in the past that a designer deftly recreating the mood of a time period can show a great deal of skill, if done correctly.

And with all the glitz and glitter that’s popular for winter, I can’t help but think that the Judith Leiber Sunburst Clutch is totally disco-tastic.

Can’t you just see someone at Studio 54 wearing this with a super sleek Halston dress back in the day? I totally can. But I can also see a stylish woman carrying it today with a biker jacket over a minidress, tights and booties. And whether the piece is actually vintage or just vintage-inspired like this one, the test of how good it is if it can easily blend into looks from two different eras, and I think that this one accomplishes just that. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $2995.

One of the most amazing aspects of my job is the opportunity to look at handbags in showrooms. It is triple the delight when the bags we are looking at are months away from being available to the general public. If you asked me five years ago what I would be doing today, this would not be on my list. But I am beyond thrilled it is.

Visiting the Bottega Veneta showroom was a highlight of our NYC trip. Just as we arrived in the showroom, we were greeted by a fresh set of Spring 2010 handbags. The bags had only been seen previously on the runway in Milan a week prior. Now it was our turn to examine them closely in all of their glory.

When you look at a Bottega Veneta bag, one of the main aspects that intrigues me (and should be taken into consideration by any buyer) is how exactly the bag was made. Tomas Maier and the Bottega Veneta team continue to go above and beyond when creating their pieces. There is a story behind every item, every color, every technique, and every material. Now if we could have the pleasure of sitting down with Tomas Maier to see into his vision our lives would be complete. We can dream, right?

The Spring 2010 collection from Bottega Veneta centered around cream colored clothing which allows the wearer to play with colorful accessories. That is precisely what the BV bags delivered: lusciously rich hues with the attention to detail that has become synonymous with the brand.

Bottega Veneta developed a techinque for their signature intrecciato weaving to give the leather the characteristic feel and behavior of straw. In fact, one woven-leather intrecciato bag sounded exactly like a straw bag when you squeezed it together. This is yet another way in which Maier manifests his design genius.

The colors on the handbags pop, just as Maier intended for them to do. With a cream colored clothing palette, accessories take creative control of your outfit. Bottega Veneta has infused exotic crocodile skins for spring in deeply saturated jewel toned blue, green, and yellow.

      

With fancy Italian names like Paille Cocco Glace, Yolk Cocco Lave Cabat or Paille Intreccio Nuvolato Maxi Veneta, it is near impossible not to give these creations your full attention. The intense colors, the beautiful crafting and the outstanding quality of the leathers boost our desire for this Bottega S/S line that much more.

As with most things Bottega, beauty comes at a steep price. The classic Veneta (pictured above) will run at around $2,600, while the exotics will set back your back account by a solid 5 figures. However, if your are in the market for high-end fashion accessories, each dollar spent on BV is a dollar well spent.

Click on all photos to enlarge and find the name of each item and price. Inquire with your local BV store or at 877.362.1715 for availability of the pictured items.

      

Excuse me for a moment.

ZOMG LADY GAGA was on Gossip Girl last night it was so much awesome in one hour that I thought my face was going to melt off or something humans are not meant to endure all that fabulousness at one time it ought to be illegal and the episode was called The Last Days of Disco Stick and it was sooooo greatttttt aksdno;SJDNF!!!!!

Ahem. Thank you. I’ve composed myself now that that’s out of my system.

I worship at the altar of Lady Gaga, so you could say that I was pleased that she showed up on Gossip Girl last night. She presided over an episode of love triangles and badly made, drunken sexual decisions, which I think she would thoroughly approve of, based on the lyrical content of her music.

I wish that they had used Gaga a little more (or let her act instead of just perform – she was funny on SNL a few weeks back), but the show was still intriguing in its incredible awkwardness. It was the sort of uncomfortable, queasy-making drama that only comes from sexual relations with inappropriate people, and I don’t know about you, but that’s exactly what I want when I tune in every week.

Vanessa and Olivia now hate each other because they shared the same dong last week, and Serena finds herself in the position to choose between the cousins Vanderbilt and Archibald (which is totally the threesome that I would have rather seen, thankyouverymuch, but I guess they can’t do it because it’s cousins? Somehow I think Nate would be down for it, though, and we all know that politicians have kinky private lives…)

Let’s start with Dan and his lusty ladies, though. They all somehow become embroiled in Blair’s plan to infiltrate NYU’s Tisch drama crowd, and in order to do so, they have to write and perform a Lady Gaga-themed adaptation of Snow White in under a day, which is precisely the kind of self-congratulatory thing that drama school students organize for themselves, so bravo, writers.

Dan is Prince Charming (or whatever the prince was called in this particular fairy tale) and Olivia was supposed to be the pop star version of Snow White. Blair was the evil queen (obviously) and was also supposed to direct, but in an effort to create some threesome parity in his life, Dan brought in Vanessa as the director. Olivia took this to mean that he was siding with Vanessa in the post-threesome fallout, and she was incensed! Because surely Vanessa is in awkward hippie love with Dan, right? Wrong. Vanessa, in a fit of awesomeness that is totally not inherent to her character, couldn’t care less about Dan and his dong.

You see, it’s Dan that actually cares about Vanessa, even though he didn’t know it. In order to illustrate this fact, Olivia ditches the Gaga/Snow White mashup midway through and forces V to go on in her stead and have the magic kiss with Dan at the end. And that’s a nice little metaphor, isn’t it? Instead of curing Snow White of the poison apple, it cures Dan of the delusion that he has a platonic friendship with Vanessa, which is something that I have never really believed. The downside is that means we probably see more Vanessa plot lines, which: eww. No thanks. And also, we lose Olivia, who was kind of entertaining, although I would totally go see a Heathers-with-witches movie, so I hope someone actually makes that.

All that this story line reminds me of is some of the best sexual advice that Sex and the City’s inimitable Samantha Jones ever gave us: the only way to do a three-way is to be the guest star. Maybe this is a sentiment that colleges should start incorporating into orientation, as a preemptive measure for all this stress that bad sexual planning has the potential to create for students. Obviously this is not something that drunken 18-year-olds can figure out on their own.

For a momentary break in the love triangle drama, let’s refer to Little Jenny Humphrey. It’s lonely at the top, and she jumps at the opportunity to entertain the hot (in a European way, not my thing) son of a foreign diplomat who also turns out to be a slightly grope-y international drug runner. At first she’s uncomfortable with all of this until Chuck comes to her rescue, after which she decides that she in fact had a great time, and would like to see this gentleman and his slicked-back hair once again.

And as Chuck pointed out, it’s not that surprising – Jenny has been looking for a rabbit hole to fall down since the beginning of the series, and she almost made it with that crazy model friend of hers, remember? Some people just have a nose for trouble, and Chuck Bass knows them when he sees them. I just hope that he takes the time at some point to explain the concept of diplomatic immunity to her, and why this dude will sell her down the river sooner or later.

Alright, back to the inappropriate sexual decisions! And of course, that means we have to talk about Serena, because her entire life is predicated on one ill-advised romp after another. That’s gotta be kind of fun, right? Well, except for now, since one of them is married. Or married for now, at least – just as he readies himself to leave for Washington, he finds out that it was his wife who set up the Hudson Hero debacle, and now he just doesn’t know if he can stay in the relationship. Sounds like more scruples than any real-life congressman would have, but whatever.

Meanwhile, Serena is seeking advice from Nate since Blair is back to not talking to her, and he attempts to create a drunken, manbang’d diversion in order to stop her from sleeping with his cousin. He forgot two important things about alcohol, though: First, it makes you confess things. Things like undying, secret love. Which Nate has for Serena. Oops. Second, it has never, in the the history of ever, stopped anyone from making a bad sexual decision. In fact, its effect is pretty much the exact opposite of that. Double oops.

Next week, someone is pregnant, and Blair is yelling, and it appears to be Thanksgiving. Make sure you give thanks for the ridiculous exploits of our favorite Upper East Siders – they’re not just doing this for their health, you know.

The bag is made entirely by hand by famed stylist Simone Harouche, who’s known for her singular ability to transform and style stars with looks they’ve never imagined; witness Christina Aguilera’s Back to Basics Tour. But clearly she has a fun sense of color and whimsy, contributing to this boho gem.

Apparently, looking for something different in the handbag world, Simone made a few of these bags for her and her pals and then it just took off. It’s simple understand why; besides the current fascination with all that’s gypsy or prairie-related, the perfect mixture of seemingly mashed-up vintage textiles coalesce to form a patchwork design that’s so quirkily fantastic it’s probably possible to wear with almost anything, provided you have the courage and the eye for combining the colors of all the crayons in the box. And let’s not forget the art-box and oriental details; the mirror paillettes, poofy poms, and bursts of embroidery make this an artsy step up from any other flower-child-esque bag. Buy through Ron Herman for $1,495.

If we took out the exorbitant price tag, a whopping $2,560, we can sort of start off with a clean slate. We have a simple tote design with leather trim and a straw body. Straw is great for Resort and Spring, it automatically makes me think of the beach, but I simply do not care to own a straw bag. The rectangular pattern created with the straw does give a nice effect though. Then we have the logo details at the bottom of each top handle. So we are doing ok.

Then there is an adjustable shoulder strap, which is always a nice addition. Then again, the large dimensions (16″W X 11½”H X 6″D) are not ideal to be hanging this bag from your body. Overall I am feeling uninspired. And while I tried to take out the price tag when reviewing this bag, I simply could not. Because really, who wants to pay over $2,500 for a straw tote? The name may be Fendi but it is nothing other than an expensive seasonal bag that nearly everyone I know will pass on. Buy through Saks for $2,560.

Once again, for the second time in as many recaps, I got a healthy dose of perspective from my weekend house guest while watching the penultimate episode of this season of Project Runway. After about twenty minutes, he looked at me and asked, “Is this as entertaining as it should be?”

My answer? No, no it’s not. Nor has it been all season. And yet it’s still going on like anyone, anyone at all, actually cares about it. Not only that, but it’s not even done after this episode. Project Runway’s long, painful death march shall continue for another week. I feel like they should just cut out the audio and play Wagner funeral dirges for the entirety of the finale.

I’m not really sure what I’m going to recap because more or less nothing happened, yet onward we march. Someone strike up the band.

As with every season of this show that has so far come to pass, Tim Gunn went to visit the homes of the final three designers. First up was Carol Hannah, who had just moved to the NYC suburbs from Charleston, and her immediate family all flew in to make biscuits for Tim and be adorable. As a fellow southerner, I can confirm: biscuits are very important.

And then there was Irina’s family, who were decidedly more Eastern European. They all went out to dinner and talked about the American dream, which now amounts to being a reality show contestant. This is the society that we have created for ourselves, you guys. I’ll leave it up to you all to decide if we should be proud.

Finally we met Althea’s family, who were Midwestern and shared stories of Althea whipping up shirts in high school when she had nothing to wear. I have a friend that’s a fabric design major at UGA that does this, and let me tell you, it’s absolutely infuriating to the rest of us. Mom, why couldn’t you have bought me a sewing machine when I was little? Then I’d have new outfits all the time, too.

Tim also saw their collections, but there wasn’t really enough footage to give us a decent idea of what everyone was making. Except Irina, who chose to use graphics of Coney Island for some t-shirts (graphic tees at Bryant Park? Kill me now), and then pesky ol’ copyright laws got in the way and she had to scrap them. But sadly, that sign from the cosmos wasn’t enough to convince her that graphic tees are a terrible idea, and she went forth and made her own graphics. Other than that? Carol Hannah claims to have made pants and Althea did a lot of knitting during her tenure in Ohio.

Shortly thereafter, the whole gang arrived in New York City, except it’s not the whole gang because Carol Hannah has swine flu or something, and she has to stay back a day, and we get to see frenemies Althea and Irina awkwardly sip champagne in their hotel suite together while they pretended that they don’t absolutely want to claw each others’ eyes out. Which they totally wanted to do.

But Carol Hannah bravely fought off her illness and showed up later, in time to meet with Nina and Michael and for Irina to completely disregard all the advice that was given to them, because she knows more about editorial fashion and how to get into magazines than Nina Garcia does, obviously. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I hate her.

If you thought that that was it, oh no, you’re wrong. And also, you’ve probably never watched a season of this show before. Because, twist! Or not really a twist: they had to create one more look, and they brought back the three most recently eliminated designers to partner up with them and help. So the twosomes were Irina and Gordana, Carol Hannah and Christopher, and Althea and Logan. We didn’t find out if this was helpful or not, since we hardly saw the helpers (or the designers) do anything.

Then they cast some models, and that was just about it. It was the most phoned-in, throwaway episode of Project Runway in the history of ever. I fully intend to DVR the season finale and fast forward straight to the runway shows. Ok, so I can’t do that because I have to write about it, but if you have the opportunity, I highly recommend it.

The bag is relatively simple, an oversized tote with a woven body and double handles. But the love for this handbag runs deep. No one can seem to get enough. There are limited edition Cabats, like the Reflet Cabat we covered, along with classic Cabats that are released in seasonal colors.

The Cabat takes two people two full days to weave the leather by hand. The inside shows no lining, as the very crux of the bag is the beauty of the woven leather inside and out. Then there is another day devoted to stitching, applying handles, and finishing every edge by hand.

Not only are tPFers adoring the Cabat, but so are celebrities. A very loyal Bottega Veneta handbag owner, Reese Witherspoon, was seen at the airport with her black Bottega Veneta Cabat. The entire Bottega Veneta team must love seeing Reese carry their bags. She embodies everything the brand wants their image to be; classic, elegant, timeless. Inquire via Bottega Veneta online and shop Bottega Veneta via Net A Porter.

For our last business trip to New York City, we knew it was time to step up our game. For the purpose of showcasing wonderful new bag candy, images did the job, but video was definitely better. Without further ado, we’re proud to present our first official Purse Blog Video coverage. In full 720p high definition and then some!

Our first victim of this cunning stunt was successful designer and friend Rebecca Minkoff. She took her time to present her upcoming goodies for Spring 2010. In our next video, we will have a whole interview with Rebecca, along with a further preview of her creations.

Please let us know your comments and suggestions below and look forward to more reel-licious coverage from Purse Blog in the coming weeks.

Did last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County have a theme? I mean, a theme besides “ZOMG PLASTIC SURGERY AND FAKE TANNING” because that’s more or less what all the episodes are about, right?

I don’t think it did, but then again, I shouldn’t be looking for narrative structure in the Real Housewives franchise anyway, I suppose. What I did get out of last night’s episode was a stark reminder of how objectively awful this show is. I have a house guest for the weekend that flew in last night and was forced to watch with me, and he had no context for the show and had never seen it before.

Normally I watch my Thursday night guilty pleasures all by myself, sometimes with a pizza and some beer, but never with a buddy, because I don’t know anyone with the intestinal fortitude to withstand this crap. But he didn’t have a choice, and as things wore on and we saw Slade’s junk covered with only a sock, a teenager at a nose job consultation, and Vicki & Co. acting like the quintessential Ugly Americans in Italy, he asked me if I actually liked the show. All I could think of to say was, well, they give me a lot of material.

And then I’m pretty sure he judged me. Right there in my own apartment.

The first thing we saw was the tail end of last week’s Shootout at the Cuff Coral, which really just seemed like a bunch of reedited footage that we had already seen. We did get to see Jeana imply that Tamra was white trash (and then Gretchen out-and-out said it), but the Evil Blond Bobbsey Twins had already departed, so we didn’t get to see anyone’s reaction. Sad. The reaction show is what this show is all about.

But fret not, on to the next Party For No Reason! And this time it was a spray tan party at Gretchen’s house, which…were you guys aware that you could have a spray tan party? I certainly wasn’t. After seeing one in action, I wouldn’t recommend that anyone else try it at home, because it seems to be utterly horrifying. You get drunk, get naked in front of your guests, and then some stranger paints you orange, and maybe all of your friends see your boyfriend’s wang. With a sock on it.

I hate to say it, though, but Slade and Gretchen actually seem kind of adorable together. Like, not in a way that makes me want to be their friend or anything, but in a way that makes it even more clear that Tamra’s dislike of Gretchen is really just thinly veiled jealousy. None of these women are actresses of any caliber, and it seemed like their affection for each other during something so simple as an afternoon party or a garage sale was too genuine to fake. So I guess that’s nice. Not particularly entertaining, but nice.

So for a dose of the opposite, we have to look no further than Vicki. Her daughter just graduated from nursing school, and as a graduation present, Vicki is taking her (and, for some reason, grandma) to Italy for a week and a half. Which is a really nice present! For them, at least. Not so much for the Italians.

Everyone in my family hates to travel, so I’ve never been in the country, but the brief minutes that we spent abroad with Vicki pretty succinctly explained why everyone in the world hates American tourists. First, Vicki had four suitcases all to herself for a 10 day trip of fairly benign sightseeing and shopping. Then she brought her terrible mother, who thought that everything in Italy was absolutely stupid and had no problem telling everyone about it. And they all complained about how small their hotel room was, meaning that they apparently missed the memo on, I don’t know, history? Europe? Bueller? Of course they were also upset that not everyone in Italy spoke perfect English and that being blond and American didn’t get them special treatment.

One question: if Vicki was out of the country, for the love of Pete, WHO LET HER BACK IN?!?!?! We were so close to a Vicki-free country. Way to drop the ball, whoever is in charge of that.

While Vicki was in Italy doing things that make everyone that cares about America’s image abroad sad, Tamra was at home, doing things that made only herself sad. Namely, putting her house on the market and having dinner with new housewife Alexis and her husband, who are incredibly smug and annoying about their perfect relationship.

First, the house – for a moment, I actually had some sympathy for Tamra. She’s upset about the house (and about the fact that some kind of shady tequila business is her awful husband’s only income), and that’s pretty relatable, I think. And also, she’s an ugly crier, and, honey, me too.

And then she had to go to dinner with Alexis, who seems like she’s going to be entertaining, to say the least. Her and her husband are those awful kind of people that are constantly all up on each other and want to tell you about it – she even made him a little plate of food like he’s not capable of dumping a couple hors d’oeuvres on a dish for himself. And they just can’t stand to be apart, in contrast with Tamra and creeptastic Simon, who just won’t let her be apart from him. So, you know, it just becomes more and more clear why she’s so jealous of Gretchen.

Who have we missed? Oh, Lynn and Jeana. Well, Lynn wants a face lift to go with her painful-looking implants, and she took her teenage daughter along with her to the consultation to see about getting a nose job. Because that’s exactly the message everyone should be sending to teenage girls – plastic surgery will give you self-esteem! When her other daughter found out, she was super jealous, because mom, it’s not fair, she already got a BMW!!!

So there were a lot of things to make you sad for humanity in this episode, but the thing that gave me the biggest frown was the news that Jeana will be leaving the show after next week’s episode. At least that explains why she didn’t get a much of a storyline in either of these episodes – no need to set her up for anything later. We’ll miss you, Jeana! Don’t leave us alone with these crazy people!

Burberry may be known for their nova check pattern, but their leather bags should not be passed up. Why I love their leather bags is the price is typically still manageable for premium designer and the quality coincides with the price. The Burberry Glossy Grain Tote does not give you the typical check pattern, rather soft, glazed grain leather with nickel hardware. What I adore about this bag is the engraved check drop chain detail, it is an easy but edgy touch. The inside brings you logo check lining along with a center zip divider, interior zip, cell phone, and additional pockets. Dimensions are sizable: 3.25″W x 13.25″H x 6″D with a 7.5″ drop. And then there is the price, which like I said before it relatively great. Buy through Bloomingdale’s for $895.

Freaky or Fabulous? Daphne Guinness in Alien Alexander McQueen [via Fab Sugar]

Would You Wear a Sheer Skirt Like Kristen Stewart? [via Off the Rack]

Will Lagerfeld live forever? [via My Fashion Life]

immy Choo for H&M Hits Stores Tomorrow [November 14] [via Nitro:licious]

Marc Jacobs has combined two of the season’s top trends into one compact clutch. The Marc Jacobs Python Thrash Clutch ($1895 at Barneys) touts a python quilted and embellished with studs. The quilting AND studs seem to be a bit of texture overdose on this very petite bag. But somehow the angular shape of the diamond shaped studs combined in a criss cross pattern of quilted stitching seems to unify the design. Although, I am a bit confused about the metal padlock which seems to be dangling without a purpose in the middle of the bag.

Overall, the Marc Jacobs Thrash Clutch does have the important rocker glam appeal which is so important this season. You can see Lady GaGa here at the front row of MJ’s Spring Summer 2010 show wearing the Thrash Clutch standing next to Madonna. It is a fun little bag and goes well with Lady GaGa’s eccentric style. I would wear the Marc Jacobs Thrasher clutch with a my pair of Rich and Skinny black jeans and a super cool Rick Owens cut away leather black jacket. This is definitely one of the more unique and eye-catching studded clutches out there this season. The quilted design makes it a bit more classic than trendy, not sure how many seasons this look will last though. What do you think of the Marc Jacobs Thrash Clutch?

via The Find

Can’t make this stuff up, folks.

According to Women’s Wear Daily, Dooney & Bourke chairman and co-founder Frederic Bourke has been sentenced to a year and a day in federal prison for violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and Travel Act by bribing Azerbaijani oil officials.

Who knew that being rich from selling mid-range handbags could eventually get you in so much trouble with your money? And wouldn’t it have been more fun to be arrested for, I don’t know, buying a bunch of drugs and expensive call girls like the rest of the rich people in this country?

I kid, of course, but here’s what happened. Bourke invested part of his handbag fortune (to the tune of $8 million) into a company called Oily Rock Group Ltd., which sought to profit when the Azerbaijani state-run oil company was eventually privatized via the purchase of privatization vouchers from the public.

The company then allegedly paid millions of dollars in bribes to government officials in order to ensure that the oil holdings were indeed privatized, and apparently both our government and theirs frown on that sort of thing. The oil never got privatized, Bourke never profited, and now he’s supposed to spend a year in the clink, to add insult to injury.

Whatever benevolent legal authority presided over the case has seen fit to release Bourke on $10 million bail, pending his appeal on the verdict, which only goes to show you that the rich really are different than the rest of us – they don’t have to go to jail when they’ve been convicted of a crime and sentenced to go there. They get to sit at home and reap the benefits of their handbag business while they wait and see if their lawyers can get them out of it.

Ok, so that was probably way harsh, but someone had to say it. If you disagree with me and feel like being supportive of Bourke, or perhaps you want to help him pay his legal fees, you can find Dooney & Bourke bags here. And if he’s really innocent, then I hope they figure that out quickly. Let it be a lesson to all of us – sinking millions into questionable oil holding companies that have shadowy relationships with foreign governments might get you in some trouble down the road, and all the handbags in the world can’t save you. Except that the profits from them can pay your lawyer fees, so maybe they can.

But so far, the most that I can say is that I really like parts of it, and that other parts completely confuse me. So let’s explore that a bit, after the jump.

First of all, the body of the bag is great. I’ve never seen a bag that’s Dreamsicle orange, but I kind of like it. The leather rings that are woven into the straps that traverse the exterior of the bag are also unique and fun, and when combined with the ultra-feminine take on studs, they give the bag a great deal of personality.

The problem that jumps out at me is mainly with the handles and attachments. They look a tad…cheap. The rolled, knotted handles don’t seem to correspond logically to the clean edges of the visual elements on the rest of the bag, and they look like they might have come from a different purse entirely. Fix those, and it’s a fun bag indeed. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $1060.