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Oh dear!  Want a bet whether or not the Jackson Estate is aware of this tasty treat from south of the US border?  We thought not, but then perhaps they have developed a sense of humor about how their finest son is represented within the advertising world.  Whether or not Michael Jackson is now moonwalking in his grave (his own version of spinning, no doubt) is a debate for another time or place.  However, the tasty combination of white and chocolate ice cream that makes up the Choco Jackson is something which – if it is condoned by the Jackson Clan – can only make us scratch our heads about that particular family even more.  By the way, the sequinned glove is not included in the purchase price.

Moroccan Dyslexia Rules KO

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Meanwhile, over in Morocco, the dyslexic locals have got it wrong again and what is more they most certainly failed Art 101.   If you need your undercarriage checked, gentlemen, we would certainly nor recommend this particular place.  It might well serve your right if you have been sucking on too many Choco Jacksons in any case but we would still advise caution.

Some Very British Humor

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The British are renowned the world over for their polite manners (which, yes, it must be admitted, often hides more venom than your average cobra) but sometimes that carapace of courtesy gives way to what lies beneath.  Often that can be a gleefully dark humor that belies the bleakness of – in this example – the fine British weather.  The pair of nooses adds the final touch to this wonderfully faux optimistic sign seen outside of a cafe in London’s Clerkenwell Road.  Perhaps the owner of the coffee shop knows his customers very well and knows that they will appreciate this.  Perhaps, too, he is a mind reader.  Given the recent weather in the UK, this is probably what most of the passersby may be thinking as they make their desultory way to work.

Pensioners Going Cheap

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There is nothing like a bit of ambiguity to raise the odd chuckle and this is no exception.  Although the true meaning is clear (as slightly muddy water) it can only be left to the imagination how many enquiries this barbers in Vancouver, British Columbia, has in the course of a working day.  Yes, I think perhaps I could do with a pensioner around the house to tidy up, cook and change channels for me on the TV.  At only thirteen dollars they are cheaper than canaries too.  Pensioners as pets, now there is a (worrying) thought.

Danger!

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There are times when a sign, if it is to be adapted – and then isn’t – is just too good an opportunity for some errant wag passing by with a marker pen.  This whole nightmare scenario could make a very decent B movie (OK, D movie).  After all, movies have been made about lots of other rabid animals, why shouldn’t llamas have their moment in the spotlight?

The Difference Speech Marks Can Make

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Just the addition of a pair of inverted commas and what people think about this somnambulistic senior really comes out.  Shame.  Bless.  Both.

You Do What?

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“Yay!  I got the job!” announces Jack at his local bar.  It had been a difficult recession for him, having being unemployed twice in the period of a year alone.  Desperate for work he had applied for jobs that he was not, strictly speaking, qualified to do and so becomes somewhat reticent about the finer details of his new employment.   Remaining somewhat reluctant to reveal what his new position actually is, a blushing Jack finally ‘fesses up – to the hilarity of his beer buddies and Betty behind the bar.  Hilarity ensues but Betty later notes down his cell phone number from the membership database.  As does Philip the bar’s owner.

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Perhaps this is where Jack now works.  Who can say exactly where he manages his asses.

Possibly the most Unfortunate Name on the Planet

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Now, what specialty do you think the fourth Doctor on this list has?  Doctor Richard Cockshott – or Dick to his friends – is probably an eye doctor (think about it).  One thing is true though – what this country needs right now is a Doctor.  Who?

Doctor In The Tardis

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Sometimes the good Doctor is careless.  Well, when you are fighting Daleks, Cybermen and other intergalactic hordes, sometimes you just get carried away.  Never mind, though, there are always people willing to tidy up after the murder and mayhem that usually ensues when the Tardis lands in the vicinity.  It can have a rather nasty effect on the environment and lead to a few holes in the space time fabric.  The Doctor’s earthly allies don’t always get it right though – surely a temporal closure might cause an inconvenience?

An Inconvenience Truth

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Talking of conveniences, it is usually simple enough to guess which is the male and which is the female toilet by a simple addition of a triangle in an obvious place on one of the stick figures.  This sign in Seoul, Korea, is a classic of the ‘Too Much Information’ variety.  This looks like you have to be built like Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights to take a leak in this convenience.  Plus if you are a woman and not undergoing primal scream therapy, forget it.

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This is for those men who think their middle name is Dirk anyway.

When Dirk runs out of that little something to put in his hair, he could always go for a little gorilla snot.  Wonder how well this product sells…?

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The Husband Crèche

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True, some men can be tiresome, whether it is for their annoying habit of exaggerating the length of their appendage(s) or simply by standing next to you when you are doing something incredibly important – like shopping for example.  Never fear, help is at hand – at least for the good ladies of Seven Oaks in England.  There they have the opportunity of taking advantage of this wonderful idea – a husband crèche.  How many husbands are still left there at the end of the day can only be guessed at.

Let’s Give Thanks

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Women may be a little less happy with this local service offered in San Francisco, California.  Even though it is in the spirit of Thanksgiving the local ladies might not be too impressed with the actual thanks their husbands might be giving in this colorful establishment.

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In fact, it doesn’t really bear thinking about, does it?  Just as you are getting on your Pork Joy Gloves on to baste one turkey – your errant husband may getting his own particular brand of pork joy elsewhere.  Oh dear.

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If you want to get revenge, ladies – give him this instead of the usual cranberry sauce.

English Abroad

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Of course there are times when travelling abroad that you realise that as much as the language is mauled at home there is no real comparison when it comes to how other nations sometimes use and abuse it.  Would you be confident that your meal will be exactly as you want it, considering the sign above?  Some countries, too, are pretty strict when it comes to western vices.  What exactly might you do though, if confronted with the sign below?

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Jazz Hands

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This one speaks for itself.  Watch where you are walking or the cast of Glee is going to get you.  Finally, though, this marvellous sign from Derbyshire in the UK.  Don’t say that the British – despite the fox hunted, badger baiting and hare coursing – don’t look after at least some of their animals.

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Did You Know?  (Part 1)

Did You Know?  (Part 3)

Since holding an elective position is like raising a family, the voting people should gauge the candidate against his preparedness for the role, the values that he holds, his financial independence and his dependability.

1. The candidates of a local post should be familiar with the more important provisions of the Local Government Code. The local leader should be able to exercise the immense powers and discharge the crucial responsibilities that he has.  A person setting his sights on a Senate or congressional seat does not have to be a lawyer. Even if the job of a solon is to make laws, he only needs the ability to understand the issues and the practicality to determine ways to address them. A senator or congressman, whether he is a lawyer or not, always hires a legal consultant anyway to untangle technicalities and draft the bills for him. The candidate, however, should have at least reached college level.
2. The impressiveness of a candidate’s track record is not measured by the number of jobs he has held and the awards he has received. Assess the quality of these so-called accomplishments. Was he vice president of a company at a young age because of his own merits or because his father is majority shareholder of the firm? Was she able to study in an American university because of her intellectual prowess or because her father was influential enough to pull the right strings to get her in? Was his civic leadership award given by a respectable institution or by a fly-by-night foundation headed by his friends?
3. Study his campaign platform.  It is focused and specific, giving you a concrete idea of what policies he will adopt and what concerns he will prioritize once the government is entrusted to him? Can his program of government adjust to the call of the times? Or does it insist on his favorite cause, without taking into consideration the actual needs of the community?
4. Identify a candidate’s campaign financiers and the advisers and close aides whom he intends to hire once he’s elected.  This is key to judging what kind of government he would have.  (i)  Do these financiers and advisers have interests to protect?;  (ii)  How do their interests compare to the program of government?; (iii) If they match, are they out to make a killing once their bet is in power?; (iv) If they don’t somebody here is trying to deceive us, and that’s the candidate on the flyer you’re reading.
5. If the candidate is a re-electionist, review how he decided on crucial issues and determine who or what prompted his decision — because the same persons and reasons will influence his decisions in the future.
6. Know how he defines leadership. Does he see being an elected official as an opportunity to serve the people? Will he be firm when instituting reforms to make the community self-sufficient? Beware of candidates who think that being a leader means wearing a king-of-the-hill attitude. They will demand to be served rather than going out of their way to serve. They see ward leaders and voters as people with a price tag. These are the types who will readily exchange public interest for personal agenda.
7. Watch out for his definition of “pro-poor”. Squatters  are known to deliver swing votes in local electoral contests. A candidate who promises to help the poor purchase affordable houses and lots and put up livelihood projects is always better than an aspirant who perpetuates the politics of dole outs.
8. When a candidate gives you a rundown of what he has done for you or what he intends to do for you, turn your back on him. Remember that there is no such thing as a politician being heaven’s gift to your community. All the projects he undertakes in your locality, all the goodies he gives away during Christmas or in times of calamity were made possible by the taxes that the government deducts from your salary. Go for the candidate who says, this is what we were able to accomplish because of the taxes you paid, or this is what we can do together.
9. Know what kind of relationship he has with his family,what personal affairs he maintains, what kind of friends he keeps, and what sort of activities he engages in when he’s with them. These things tell a lot about where public interest places among his priorities.
10. A prospective local official should have the innovation and resourcefulness to generate income for the local coffers —- legally.   The income-generating skill of the candidate refers to his ability to think of programs that will provide livelihood to residents; not to his ability to make money for himself by using his position.
11. Is he in town? Several governors and mayors have been criticized for spending more time in other places than in their localities. They say they’re following up funds or projects that, needless to say, will benefit their constituents back home. There’s only one way to know if a re-electionist has been telling the truth: find out if he really brought home the bacon. As for a first-time candidate, know if he’s been staying in your locality long enough to be considered one of the folks. If he came home or moved in six months to one year before the filing of certificates of candidacy, then he’s only there to run for a post.
12. Is he wiling to share powers with civil society? If working with people’s organizations is nowhere in the platform, much less in the vocabulary of the candidate, think twice. If he says he’s willing to work with non-government groups, find out who the officers of these groups are —- they may be the politician’s relatives and associates.

Most people in North America know that the first day of Spring comes in the month of March and that St.Patrick’s Day brings celebrations and parades. It is also a month of other weird and strange events many folks have not a glimmer about.

Here are some bizarre, strange and weird trivia about the usually blustery month of March.

This month is designated as:

National Frozen Food Month   ~   National Umbrella Month   ~   Spiritual Wellness Month   ~   National Women’s History Month…and much more.

Weekly celebrations include:

March 1 -7 is National Cheerleader Week……National Ghostwriter Week …. National Procrastination Week

March 8 – 15 is National Professional Pet Sitters Week….Celebrate Your Name Week…National Chocolate Lover’s Week

March 16 – 23 is National Sleep Awareness Week…..National Toad Hollow Week…Act Happy Week

March 24 – 31 is World Folk Tales & Fables Week….National Bubble Blowers Week

Did you know you can celebrate the following days as special events?

March 1st is — National Pig Day

March 5 is — St. Piran’s Day

March 9 is — “Barbie Doll” Day

March 11 is — Johnny Appleseed Day

March 14 is — Potato Chip Day

March 15 is — True Confessions Day

March 20 is — Corn Dog Day

March 21 is — Spring Fairy Fun Day

March 23 is — National Puppy Day

March 30 is — National Pencil Day

A few other things you probably didn’t know happened in March include:

The president signed an order that made “The Star Spangled Banner” the national anthem on March 3rd 1931.

Ghandi was arrested for peaceful disobedience protest on March 19th, 1922.

On March 20, 1964 a huge earthquake (8.8 magnitude) rocked Alaska.

U.S. Inauguration of the newly elected president took place in March until 1937 when the day was changed to January.

33 years ago, Mike Carmichael of Alexandria, Indiana, started with a baseball. Then he added some paint. And more paint. And even more paint. Now, all those years later, he’s up to more than 22,000 layers of paint on this ball. Weighing in at about a ton and a half, the World’s Largest Ball of Paint has made it into the Guinness Book of World’s Records. If you’re ever in Alexandria, Indiana, look Mike up and add another layer of paint to hi famous ball.

World’s Largest Ball of Twine

This is a tough one. See, there are actually several places that are said to be home to the largest ball of twine in the world. The Darwin Twine Ball Museum in Darwin, Minnesotta, says it has the world’s largest ball of twine. Then there’s Cawker City, Kansas, which say it has the largest twine ball in the world, started by Frank Stoeber more than 50 years ago. Let us not forget James Frank Kotera’s huge twine ball, which is touted as the world’s heaviest twine ball, in Lake Nebagamon, Wisconsin. And last, but not least, is the twine ball in Branson, Missouri, that is owned by Ripley’s Believe It or Not. So, who has the largest ball? I don’t want to give a definitive answer, because it might start a war of balls in the twine community, but supposedly that twine ball in Branson has been certified by Guinness Worlds Records. Let’s just leave it at that. Below is an image of the twine ball in Branson.

World’s Largest Ball of Barbed Wire

Ouch! Don’t touch the barbed wire! Believe it or not, the reported world’s largest ball of barbed wire currently resides in Jackson, Wyoming with the Ripley’s folks. What is it with all these middle America states and giant balls? I guess some folks really need a hobby. To that end, J.C. Payne of Cawker City, Kansas (remember that place from above?) is working on beating the record.

World’s Largest Ball of Rubber Bands

This is another one that’s not so easy to answer. Several people say they have the world’s largest ball of rubber bands. John Bain of California says his ball is the biggest. However, the Guinness folks say Joel Waul of Florida has the biggest ball of them all. And until recently, Steve Milton of Oregon apparently had the world’s largest ball of rubber bands. Once again, I’ll generally side with the people at Guinness, but who knows? So many folks want the biggest ball, this record could be broken again at any time. Pictured below is Joel Waul with his big ball.

World’s Largest Ball of Stamps

That’s right. Stamps. A group of stamp collectors back in the 1950s in Boys Town, Nebraska, put this big baby together. Today it can be viewed (and touched!) at the Leon Myers Stamp Center. If you’re ever in Nebraska, drop in for a ball.

Other travel links

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Did You Know — Part 2

Did You Know — Part 3

Did You Know (Part 1)

Did You Know (Part 2)

OK, so telemarketers have a job to do like the rest of us.  But if it isn’t irritating enough to have these unsolicited intrusions on your privacy at home, they’re try to sell you something you don’t want.

Depending on how irritated/mischievous/kind you’re feeling, here are the top ten sure fire ways to have fun and get rid of these unwanted callers.  Just cut this page out and pin it up next to the phone.

1. Say “No” over and over.  Vary the sound of each one and keep a nice rhythm going even as they try to speak.
2. For double-glazing calls – you live in a listed building.
3. New kitchen?  You’ve just that very week had one installed – what bad luck, otherwise of course you’d be really interested.
4. If they want to loan you money, tell them you’ve just filed for bankruptcy and could sure use some cash.
5. Tell the telemarketer that you’re busy but could you have their home number and you’ll be sure to call them later.  The telemarketer will say they can’t give out their home number and you say “I suppose you don’t want people bothering you at home then? ME NEITHER!”
6. If they start out with “How are you today?”  Say, “I’m so glad you asked, no one seems to care anymore; my rheumatism is acting up, my fingernails hurt, in can’t make sense of my medication, my cat just died…”
7. If it’s a pensions company phoning to ask you to sign up for their family and friends benefit, say in your most sinister voice, “I don’t have any friends.  Will you be my friend?”
8. Staying with the sinister, if it’s a carpet cleaning company at the other end of the phone ask “Can you get blood out?  Can you get out goat blood?  What about human blood?”        
9. Simply say “OK, I’ll listen to what you have to say, but you should know that I’m not wearing any clothes.”
10. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write everything down.

The world of communication has become mobile in the last few years. This has had its benefits, in the form of allowing people to communicate with others in ways that were not possible before the advent of cell phone technology. Sadly, the benefits are being overshadowed by one area of mobile communication that has forced its ugly head to the forefront. Texting is becoming one of the main ways in which some people communicate, however, it is destroying other communication, as well as becoming an increasing cause of accidental death.

Texting is basically an email system for cell phones. Unlike email its practical applications are limited at best. It is a limited form of communication that is supplanting letter writing, actual phone calls, and even its big brother, email. The nature of text messaging is having an effect on the various languages of the world, taking them to a lower form. In texting sentences are reduced to acronyms. As such, texting’s place in business communication is laughable. Texting’s role in personal communication might be argued to have some merit, if it were not for its constant shifting between seriousness and levity, and between this friend or that.

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The invasiveness of texting can affect interpersonal relationships negatively, if one becomes so addicted to texting that they can not stop when they are having interactions with others in person. Many people who become addicted to texting do not stop when they are in the actual physical presence of their friends or family. For some, this addiction has had a negative effect in their ability to preform their jobs. Addiction to texting by employees, at times can have a drastic effect on the business they are employed at. This can come from lost sales because an employee is too busy texting to notice a customer, or, more direly, in the form of injury or death, due to an employee not paying attention to their task.

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We have all seen those people who walk around like zombies in a texting trance. One of them may have bumped into you on the street today, or you may be the one who bumped into someone because you were too busy texting to notice them. Unlike, talking on a cell phone, texting is not an activity that can be done with any degree of safety while in mobile state, such as walking. Talking and walking is one thing. Reading and texting while walking is quite another matter. There is no way of justifying this behavior. None! If what a person is texting does not necessitate sitting down, then it is not that important. The disrespect and potential physical harm of others, or one’s self that can be caused by texting while in a state of mobility is too great of a risk. If a person is not sitting down or standing in one spot, while texting, in a public place, they are showing a total lack of respect for the feelings and safety of others. This type of behavior may be having an impact, far before the initial lack of concern, in that it frames those doing this in the emotional state of being inconsiderate. Additionally, when you are texting, while trying to have another type of experience, you are not having that experience, you are having the experience of texting while the other experience continues around you. Texting, by nature, disallows simultaneous, meaningful, involvement in any experience other than itself.

When those addicted to texting anytime and anywhere, take their addiction behind the wheel of a moving vehicle lives can be lost or devastated. It is difficult enough to safely to talk on a cell phone while driving, let alone texting, which involves reading and data entry. I, do not, personally do, or advise this,however, it may be argued, that by using, a Bluetooth headset, one may be able safely to have a phone conversation while driving, much the same as talking to a passenger. There is no such argument in regard to texting. Safely texting while driving any type of vehicle is an impossibility. A number of people have lost their lives because they or someone else was texting while driving a moving vehicle. Some software companies have created software to disable texting on phones in vehicles exceeding a certain speed. I do not see how these will be effective. If the software has a feature to allow passengers to disable that function, the driver would also be able to. If you are interested in Statistics regarding the risk of accident while texting check out the article “Shocking Stats on Texting While Driving” on the CBS News website.

It may be that an overall worldwide ban on texting needs to be put in place, because of the inherent dangers of the technology and its use. Despite the arguments of avid texters, it is actually a communication medium that has little value. All communication that is done by texting, can be done more effectively by others means, except for, maybe, voting for a contestant on a reality show. Unlike other forms of communication, texting really only serves the addiction of texting. It is the Crack Cocaine of communication. Because of its lack of a practical or beneficial use, that it alone can provide, and its addictive nature, texting may need to be made illegal, in the same way that Crack Cocaine is. Well, maybe that is going a little too far. There is no reason to punish everyone for the actions of a few or even the actions of a majority. There are other solutions that could be put in place rather than banning texting completely.

I would suggest that every community put in place texting, while in a state of mobility, laws. I am aware that some governments are doing this in regards to texting and driving. I would also like to see laws pertaining to texting and walking in a public place. Below is a breakdown of how I believe local, provincial, or state, governments should handle the issue of texting while mobile.

Texting while mobile (walking, in moving wheelchair, running, riding a bike).

1st offense: A $50 fine

2nd offense: A $500 fine

3rd offense: A $1000 fine and the inability of own a cell phone with texting for 3 months

Texting while operating a motor vehicle

1st offense: A $1000 fine and the inability to own a cell phone with texting for 3 months.

2nd offense: A $5000 fine and the inability to own a cell phone with texting for 1 year.

3rd offense: A $10,000 fine and the inability to own a cell phone for 5 years.

In cases where texting caused injury or death the fines and penalties would require something a bit harsher. In those cases, the judicial system could determine if the crime, or the demeanor of those committing it, necessitated incarceration.

I applaud the governments that are making laws regarding texting, while in a mobile state, and hope that many more do so. If you are a person who was offended by this article, because of your own addiction to texting, I make no apologies to you, whatsoever. I ask that you get help for that addiction, so that you can stop walking around like a zombie in a texting trance. If you are one of these people, I sincerely do hope that you get that help, before you go from looking like one of the undead to actually being dead, from a texting related accident.

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My sister gave me a subscription to our hometown newspaper for Christmas. (The Summerville News) It comes out once a week and I just love it. The people in this small north Georgia town don’t mind giving their opinion on any subject. They feel free to write to the editor about anything they have an interest in and that’s the reason “Letters to the Editor” is my favorite page. I got a big kick out of a letter in last weeks paper. It was written by Tim Shifflet. It’s a long letter and I echo Tim’s opinion.

Tim Shifflet wrote:

Editor, so now this teabagger nonsense comes to Summerville. And, I have to be honest. From the beginning, I have looked on these teabaggers, and thought of them largely as outright idiots. Now, I am certain of it.

They say President Obama is a Socialist. And that’s an outright lie. This bunch of right wingers couldn’t distinguish the difference between a genuine Socialist and third base. Some of them even say the president wasn’t born in this country. I guess the two local newspapers in Honolulu who announced his birth in 1961 were in on the conspiracy.

Image by Beverly & Pack via Flickr

They say they are non-partisan. But, I would be willing to bet that almost every last one of them in the teabagger crowd the other night who votes, cast their vote for the Republican in the 08 presidential election. If they are non-partisan, why wasn’t I invited to speak at their meeting? I certainly would have come. But I seriously doubt they would have enjoyed what I had to say. I would have been glad to be there. Of course, they were not going to invite me, because they are any thing but non-partisan.

They say they are a “grass roots movements” to that I would like to ask these questions. Ever hear of Roger Ailes? Ever hear of Frank Strategies? Ever hear of Freedom Works? I’ll be glad to answer. Roger Ailes is news director for the Republican Fox News. Frank Strategies is in business solely to promote the GOP, and it’s causes. Freedom Works is another GOP organization founded by right-winger-Dick Armey, the former House Majority Leader. All three have been involved in developing the teabagger parties on a national scale. In reality the teabaggers are being organized to be political pawns to help the Republicans regain power. They are mad as hell because they lost the last two elections.

Why did they lose? Well, that’s easy. they inherited a nation at peace, with the largest eight year period of economic expansion in history (under Bill Clinton) and with three straight balanced budgets. And what did the Republicans produce? They left us with two wars, a federal debt that has doubled, and an economic calamity of their making that has not been seen since the Great Depression. What about all of that, Teabaggers? Do you deny the facts? Or do the facts get in the way? Can you admit the right wingers you support failed and caused the mess we are in now? You are not gonna do that. It’s easier to blame President Obama, so you can win the next election.

My favorite is when they say they’re “mad as hell, and they’re not taking it any more. That tired old chestnut was uttered at the local gathering. They are enraged for one simple reason. Barack Obama and the Democrats got elected. That’s it in a nutshell.

Image via Wikipedia

Then there’s Sarah Palin, the woman who quit in the middle of her term as Governor. The woman who referred to Africa as a country. The woman who listed as proof of her foreign affairs expertise, the fact that she could see Russia from Alaska. That same Sarah Palin now embraces the teabaggers. Well that figures. She fits right in. It would be the ultimate disgrace before God if that woman ever entered a high national political office.

Oh, and one more thing, The original Tea Parties from the American Revolution were organized as a protest against a foreign government, because of taxation without representation. Plus you teabaggers need to know there were no such thing as a tea bag in 1773.

Written by Tim Shiflett to the Summerville News. Published February 11, 2010

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