I had no idea what a noogie was before I discovered this little story. Noogies are not something I am familiar with and I don’t even think we have here in England; not by that name anyway. We call this a Russian haircut, or a monkey scrub. Well, people who do this to other people call it so. Perhaps I was the recipient of one of these as a child. I did have two brothers who constantly found ways of annoying girls. However, I  don’t remember.

Source: Flickr Creative Commons:  Getting A Noogie

15 year old Ethan Mirenberg was suspended from school for allegedly giving his former Spanish teacher a ‘noogie’. Apparently the boy didn’t think he had done anything wrong and considered it to be a bit of harmless fun.

However, the female teacher didn’t consider it amusing when he grabbed her by the neck and ground his knuckles into her scalp. (Perhaps it sound a bit more vicious than it actually was.)

The boy’s father protested and claimed that the straight A student had done nothing improper. However, a court case went ahead and the family concerned had to move to a different area to get the boy back into school.

The state supreme courts judge, despite appeals from the boy’s father, allowed the school’s decision of a ten month suspension to stand.

Apparently the boy denies the noogie and his lawyer is trying to get him totally vindicated. Lawyer, Edward Palzik, says that all the boy did was to hug the teacher lightly and pat her on the head. 

Another odd case that has found its way to the US courts!

So, I learned a new word.  Stay away from me if you don’t want a noogie!

2- The eccesive Face Book Quoter- Look when mother Teresa said something it was motivational, when you place it as your “what on your mind” title on FB your an idiot. Seriously be original, if wanted a biblical lesson when I sign on to chat with my friends I would be at church instead. Sorry but seriously if I liked literature I would not have had to take eigth grade english twice.

3- That idiot that cuts me off in traffic every morning- What is the matter with you? Really man, I believe my life to be more valuable than having time to grab a breakfast sandwich from Mickey D’s. Have you ever thought about anyone but yourself or is it the rush of taking advantage of passive drivers? get your head out of your… and realize that the road is not yours.

4- The excessive laugher- Everything you say is not a punch line. It is truly not funny when you tell you story about picking up after you dog. Well yes that is, the fact that you work for your dog is pretty funny but seriously. Are you really that happy? If you are more power to you but you are not spreading cheer all your are doing is enraging me on the inside to the point that my therapist does not think is healthy.

5- Mediocrity celebrators- Really, Timmy got a C? Way to go, now when he gets his job serving me Big Macs you can help him by a 1980 Pinto. Why is it that everyone gets a trophy these days. I mean they are not all winners and most of them sat on the bench so we say “way to go, you showed up”! I hope for their sake that they find jobs in life that give them a paycheck for doing nothing as well because this is what they are being conditioned to.

6- The Never ending talker- Not catching on to the “uh huh, uh huh, OK, OK” are we? If you are talking and this is what you are hearing from the other person, guess what? THEY ARE NOT LISTENING. Shocked? I hope not or you are just so lonely you have become a word terrorist.

7- The Fast Text-er- Can I answer one text at a time here please? I get so confused trying answer the barrage of three texts at a time I have to quit. the next thing you know “I’m ignoring you” and I have to hear about that. Really one at a time please. I have fat fingers so trust me more than one at a time I am not texting you back… ever again.

8- The boss that calls me on my day off- This is not only rude it has got to be the top reason I have always hated my bosses. Seriously, I am not going to fix it right now and to tell you the truth I am going to come in late on Monday now. I already think it is unfair that I have to listen to you five days a week and now you want to impose your will on the time I spend talking about you behind your back? My therapists says I should keep taking my meds as long as you are my boss. I am thinking it might be fun to try coming to work without them now.

9- Advice giver- Look if you are Over Weight, don’t tell me how to lose weight. If you can’t afford to by a pack of gum two days before pay day, don’t tell me how to become rich. If you bald, don’t tell me about the best shampoo and conditioner combo to use. If you are divorced please do not give me marital advice. Get the point? We all no these people and I know you are too nice to tell them to shut up so have them read this and maybe they will get the point. Then again they probably don’t realize that they are not qualified to give this advice so you might be wasting you time.

10- The Internet Stud/ Beauty Queen- Look , if they are on line looking for a date be cautious. I know the excuse “I work a lot and don’t have time to meet people”. If this is true O.K. but ladies and gents they are rarely as advertised. I have met a few so I know from experience here. You can be 5′6″ and become 6′ in as long as it takes you to type it. All you have to do is listen to the country song,  “On line” by Brad Paisley. It sums it up. All I am saying is that they are on line for a reason. I will not fall for this again myself. I am not talking about all people that do this only the ones that embellish the truth.

Thanks for reading I hope I didn’t offend anyone ofcourse if you’ve read other articles by me you should have known what you were getting into. Until next time, thanks for reading.

Female counterpart of Batman, all of the skills but with a lot more beauty. She first showed up way back in 1961.

Betty Boop

The good thing about cartoons is that no matter how old they get they still look as good as they did when they were younger. Betty Boop has been about since the 1930’s.

Betty Rubble

Long suffering wife of Barney, who is the long suffering friend of Fred Flinstone, there is just something about Betty Rubble that trumps Wilma every single time.

Cheetara

There was only two good reasons to watch Thundercats. In fact, scratch that, there was only one good reason to watch it, and that was Cheetara.

Daphne

Daphne played the eye-candy to Velma’s genius in Scooby Doo. The creators were obviously onto something with that idea.

Elastigirl

From the film The Incredibles, Elastigirl’s real name is Helen Parr. She may be able to stretch quite a lot but is that really why she made it onto this list?

Jessica Rabbit

From the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit, how on earth a dopey rabbit could ever manage to marry one as hot as Jessica is beyond anyone’s imagination. Well apart from the imagination of the one who created it.

Lois Griffin

Husband Peter may be nothing short of a big fat slob, and daughter Meg might well have been hit with the ugly stick once or twice but it is Lois Griffin that provides the ‘eye-candy’ in Family Guy.

Smurfette

She may be blue, she may be a smurf and she may be the creation of someones imagination but there is still something rather alluring about smurfette.

Tinker Bell

Her voice may sound like a tinkling bell and you might be able to fly is she sprinkles magic dust over you but watch out for her jealous streak. Still, as cartoon characters go…!

During a Partick Thistle V Clyde game (the real Glasgow derby!) one of the players, who was standing in the middle of a defensive wall at a free-kick, took a right belter of a hit right into his crotch; the pain knocked him out. The Partick Thistle defender awoke in the hospital the next morning and was still in a lot of pain. He asked the doctor how bad it was, and if he would be able to play again. The doctor said that the player would be able to play again but only if they had a woman’s team!

A tourist was staying in a Glasgow hotel and phoned the reception at 3am one night just to tell them “I’ve gotta leak in the sink”. The receptionist told them just to go ahead with it!

A very attractive policewoman was sitting in the police car when she saw another car swerving all over the road. She quickly signalled for the car to pull over to the side of the road. The man driving the other car pulled over and proceeded to step out the vehicle. He was clearly very drunk, he fell down to the ground but quickly picked himself up. “You’re staggering” said the policewoman. The man replied: “Aye, cheers, you’re no so bad yersel!”

One Scotsman went to have his suit dry-cleaned. The shop assistant told the man that it would cost him £20 to have it cleaned. The Scotsman thought that was far too expensive so he went to the charity shop next door and donated the suit. A few days later, the man returned to the charity shop to find his suit hadn’t been sold yet. It had been cleaned though and he bought it for £5.

A wee old woman from Glasgow was shaking the hand of the minister after the weekly Sunday service. She said: “Ah’ve gotta tell ye, minister. Every sermon ye preach is better than the next one!”

The various stages of Scottish Woman:

At 18, you give her whisky, tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28, you don’t need to give her whisky or tell her a story just to take her to bed.
At 38, she tells you a story and buys you a whisky and then takes you to bed.
At 48, you drink too much whisky and then tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58, you take the whisky and stay in bed just to avoid her story.
At 68, if you take her to bed that would be a story!
At 78, what bed? what story? but the whisky still tastes good.

A Glaswegian woman went to the dentists and made herself comfortable in the chair.
“Comfy?” asked the dentist.
“Govan” replied the woman.

Q: What do you call a Scottish dwarf who falls into a cement mixer?
A: A wee hard man!
Q: If there are two coos in a field in Scotland, which one is on holiday?
A: The one with the wee calf!
Q: What did Dracula get when he came to Scotland?
A: A bat in the mouth!
Q: What do you call a Scotsman who takes a small size shoe?
A: Wee Shooey!
Q: What do you call a Scotsman who takes a small size shoe and doesn’t have a dog?
A: Wee Shooey Douglas!

1) Crystal

2) Angel

3) Tiffany

4) Amber

5) Lacy

6) Candi

7) Jasmine

Kelly

9) Cassie

10) Nicole

11) Ashley

12) Chanel

13) Brandy/Brandi

14)  Lindsay

15) Brittany/Britney

16) Haley

17) Laura

18) Roxy

19) Lola

20) Brianna

2.       You are at your new girl/ boyfriends place when all of the sudden Mother Nature calls. Now if it were for number one this would not be a problem. This was the wrong day to have the entire Chinese buffet for lunch and you knew this but we like to live dangerously, don’t we?

3.       Talking behind someone’s back and they show up right when you are finishing up- this one has gotten me at least once a month since I turned twenty. I just don’t get it, I mean these people would never even come within ten feet of me normally but the moment I say one bad thing about them they want to be my BFF. Now you could probably play it off if the crowd you were with had any idea of how to act normal but they decide to go all silent and act about as weird as a human being possibly could. If you’ve been in this situation you know the rest of the story.

4.       You get caught watching naughty internet “photos/videos” by your wife- this creates a silence like no other. You could actually hear an ant pass gas during this silence. You scramble in your head to find any excuse what so ever but you can’t come up with anything.  Then it hits you “these darn pop ups, I don’t know why they won’t stop” just as she notices the timer that says that fifteen minutes have elapsed. Guess who’s sleeping on the couch again.

5.        You are driving and someone pulls out in front of you- now you are very fired up! You begin cursing and riding their bumper. You are yelling and screaming while flipping them the bird. You see them shrug in the mirror as if to say “what did I do”? Then your girlfriend in the passenger seat has had enough of your rant. She looks at you and says “why did you run that stop sign”? At this time you look in the mirror and realize that you are an idiot!

6.       You are taking a shower for a dinner party at your place that begins at six- it is almost five and you are ahead of schedule for once. You finish up in the bathroom and as you always do you walk to your bedroom in the nude. You look and you have no underwear so you walk down stairs to the laundry room. As you reach the bottom of the stairs (still in your birthday suit because your wife thinks it’s cute)and turn the corner into the kitchen your guest have arrived early, so you think. Your mother in law comes out of the kitchen and gets the money shot (She doesn’t find it as cute as your spouse does, shocking I know). You run back to your room and begin to thumb through the yellow pages for a therapist. Your significant other comes up to remind you about your conversation two days prior that the time had changed to five. Then she asks (as if your life weren’t already as bad as it could get) “did you pick up my parents thirtieth anniversary present”?  “Oops”.

7.       You show up at your girlfriend’s house – and there is another guy walking out the door with her. You come face to face with her. There is a long silence, it is broken by her voice “oh, didn’t you check your Face book”? Are you kidding me? Face book? Really? Is it even legal to break up with someone over Face book? Oh by the way, next time please send a private message, I really don’t need the entire Face book nation knowing I have E. D.

8.       You get so drunk that you crap you pants. Enough said.

9.       You are a shoo in for an award. It is time for the announcement. You begin to loosen up and prepare for you big acceptance speech. You have been waiting for what seems to be a month. It is time, the announcement comes and you stand up and begin walking to the isle when you see another person walking onto the stage. Everyone is looking at you like you are an idiot (when five seconds ago they thought you won too) so you continue walking to the exit and get to the front of the line at the after party.

10.   You’re at your girlfriend’s house when you receive divorce papers- this probably wouldn’t be that awkward if your girlfriend knew you were married in the first place.

Image via Wikipedia

  Shopping also takes too long in most cases. If I go out and look for something, I’ll only leave with a shopping list in my hands, and work my way through the shelves systematically. That’s why I find it so annoying that they constantly move the goods around. Once I had got my bearings and knew where to find the rice – I bet next time I go there, they’ll have moved around everything, and where the rice was, is now the tea. But that doesn’t mean that where the tea once was, is now the rice. That would be too easy. They want us to solve the riddle by travelling through the whole supermarket.

Image via Wikipedia

  But that would be awkward, that would take me too long. I get flustered when it takes too long. It’s like the bright lights in the supermarket ring an alarm bell in my brain and I can see it flashing in front of my eyes: “Get out of here!” That’s why I rather leave before I’ve found what I was looking for, if they hide it from me. So, this would be my list wishes for Santa, if it comes to Christmas. These are the things I’d like to change if it wasn’t for getting real presents from Santa, like an X-Box or a digital satellite dish:

1. Please, Santa, make that the supermarkets close at seven in the evening – I can’t see a reason why I should go shopping in the middle of the night. But my wife finds it cool and shops her socks off, and then the credit card is finished.
2. Please, Santa, tell them in the supermarkets, that they don’t need to hide the goods from me. If I can’t find them, I have to leave without buying them. And that doesn’t mean good business for them, does it?
3. Please, Santa, introduce bouncers at the entrance to supermarkets around the rush hour time. The number of people inside needs to be limited. I don’t want to be pushed around and knocked over and have to step around children on the ground because I’m afraid to hurt them.
4. Leave all the goods in the same place all year round and give me a plan, where I can see what I can find in which place, that would half my shopping time, and I would have more spare time for myself.
5. Please prohibit the use of prams, children on scooters and roller shoes since they are a risk in the market, and I don’t want to be knocked down. There could be playing area where the toddlers and bigger kids could play together and were safe and keeping busy.
6. Please get rid of these automated check-out terminals. They are no automates, they can’t even once work properly alone and without having an assistant on your side helping the poor thing to understand what it is supposed to do. 

 Oh yes, and there would be another one, although there is no more space on the wish list: Pleas give me my own supermarket, where I can freely shop on my own whenever I feel like it. But that would only be necessary if you can’t fulfil my other wishes.

Image via Wikipedia

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