Enjoyed this one? Please check out: 20 More Random Facts About Animals

Now this picture seems to indicate that our little ducky friend has got himself into hot water and is about to become duck soup for the shoebill, especially bearing in mind the 4 ft tall shoebill is a renowned predator and not impartial to a bit of wildfowl for dinner, but read on!

Having grabbed the duck, the shoebill merely moved him to one side …

and dropped the poor little blighter onto his back.  As you can see it ruffled a few feathers but, according to onlookers, the duck appeared none the worse for wear!

The shoebill is a threatened species as it’s believed there are only about 5,000 or so remaining, and it tends to be found in large swamps in eastern Africa where it can grow to more than 5 ft tall and have a wingspan of up to 10 ft – quite an imposing figure I would imagine if you’re a duck trying to get out its way!.  It was only discovered in the 19th century when some shoebill skins were brought to Europe.  They mainly feed on fish, frogs, reptiles (including baby crocs), insects and small mammals.

Our next little furry friend is completely barking!

Meet dizzy Daisy the Staffordshire terrier – no, she’s not headless but the mad mutt managed to get her head stuck in a tumble dryer vent!  She was trapped for over an hour with her head in the 6 inch hole in the wall of the utility room in her home in Cambridgeshire.  Unfortunately, as she struggled to set herself free her head became swollen making it impossible for her owners to free her so they had to call the local fire brigade who chipped away the wall around her neck and removed some bricks.

Naturally the terrified terrier didn’t make life easy for her rescuers so the firemen administered oxygen to her to keep her as calm as possible.  After about half an hour she was free with nothing worse than a few scratches.  She was subsequently checked over by a vet who gave her a clean bill of health – no pun intended… utility room?  Laundry??  And just for those of you who are interested in seeing Daisy in a slightly more dignified manner, here she is.

The next animal is bound to have all you animal fanatics out there going aaahhh!!  Meet Baldrick the bald hedgehog – oh bless!!!

This little chap was found in a garden at Great Yarmouth in my home county of Norfolk and is now being looked after by a wildlife rescue centre.  He’s about four months old and, as you can imagine, is a bit of a rarity.  This wrinkly little critter would normally have around 500 prickles to protect him from predators and to help keep him warm but he’s got absolutely zilch!

In order to keep him alive his ‘foster parents’ clean him using an antiseptic scrub and then rub baby oil into his skin in the hope that it’ll soften enough to promote the growth of spikes.  Apparently Baldrick is partial to mealworms and has been known to go to the edge of his cage and put his paw up to take in the odd mealy morsel!!

It’s thought that Baldrick was probablyy abandoned by his mother but it seems he’s doing just fine now … He was a mere 240 grams when he arrived at his new home but he’s now reached a hefty 800 grams!

Now we meet Meadow, who’s half the calf she used to be!

This little Black Angus calf was found in a paddock having lost her hooves and part of her ears due to severe frostbite, but help was at hand via Nancy Dickenson, a rancher who bought the calf and then proceeded to spend thousands of dollars on surgery for her.  Part of her back legs were amputated back in August and vets and students from Colorado State Uni have just fitted her with prosthetic legs and hooves.  Apparently Meadow is now enjoying her life frollicking around in the fields … and before you ask, no she’s not going to end up on the barbecue but is very much a family pet in the Dickenson household!!

And last but not least – meet the stag who decided to spend a night at a Five Star Hotel.

This handsome looking guy held the security team at bay when it gatecrashed into the lobby of the Five Star hotel in northern China.  It’s thought that, due to it being the rutting season, the deer saw himself in the glass and charged the reflection.  Having found himself in the lobby of the hotel he became a bit twitchy – whether it was due to the strange surroundings or the price of the B&B I don’t know, but he started to run amok.  Eventually wildlife experts sedated him, took him to a zoo close by to get him checked out and then returned him to the wild.  Certainly puts a new slant on the term ’stag do’!!!!

• Husband: What’s that for?
• Wife: It’s a new cream that helps to enlarge the breasts.
• Husband: And how much did that cost you then?
• Wife: £250
• Husband: That’s ridiculous, why not just rub some toilet paper on them?
• Wife: Will it work?
• Husband: Well it did for your backside!

After that conversation, there is a good chance they won’t be husband and wife for too much longer. Let that be a lesson to all, that sometimes being too truthful isn’t the best way to go.

I swear what follows is true; the following words did fall from a friends mouth. It was the day after the night before and my friend had, how shall we say, got lucky! His night’s conquest could best be described as being on the ‘larger’ size. When asked how they got on, my friend replied: “I wouldn’t say she was a big girl but her middle name was Orca and Greenpeace are looking for her to tow her back out to sea.”

Now that was just mean. On the subject of being mean, sometimes a mean comment is disguised by what is, in essence, something apparently quite nice. Reminds me of the time when a friend, when asked what the best feature of his new girlfriend was, said: “Well she’s got interesting eyes”. When pressed to elaborate, he was slightly embarrassed to admit that his latest squeeze was ‘cross-eyed’. How does that make her eyes interesting? Well they were that interesting that the left one kept looking at the right one!

I wouldn’t say the girls in my neck of the woods are rough but the definition of a classy girl around here, is one that has all her tattoos spelt correctly.

On that note, there is something quite funny about people who get a tattoo done and end up with the wrong spelling of whatever it is meant to say. Not only will they have to live the rest of their lives with a non-removable tattoo, they will also have to live with the shame of forever being known as a ‘muppet’ who couldn’t spell. (Of course they could always blame the tattoo artist.) Really, would it be so hard, if you were insistent on a word tattoo, to look up the correct spelling in a dictionary?

Interestingly, woman are more likely to go to a dermatologist to get their tattoo removed than their male counterparts. Whether this is because of misspelt tattoos is open to debate. It is more likely that they realise, with age, tattoos tend to lose a certain amount of tautness, shall we say.

From tattoos to driving now; there is a general misconception that female drivers are really bad and should be banned from the roads because their driving is so bad. It is an awful stereotype to consider as there is no prove that female drivers are worse than male drivers.

True story. A woman was returning home from work in her car and on her return, her family noticed that the car had a flat tyre. The woman admitted that she had noticed it when she left her work but thought it was safe to drive because it the tyre was only flat at the bottom.

Ironically, this was the same woman who asked her husband to buy a longer dipstick for the car as the one they had wasn’t long enough to reach the oil.

• The first thing you have to do is draw back your top and bottom lips so that they cover your teeth. Don’t worry about looking silly at this point, the end result are worth it.
• You have two options to consider at this point. Whether you want it to be a one-handed or two-handed whistle. If you chose the one-handed option it is best to use the thumb and and any one of your other fingers (practise with different ones until you find the most comfortable). For the two handed approach, use either the right and left index fingers, right and left little fingers or right and left middle fingers.
• The purpose of the fingers in the mouth is that they will hold the lips back over the teeth and will keep the bottom lip as taut as possible.
• Place each finger halfway between the corner of your mouth and the centre of your lips. Insert them up to the first knuckle. If you start to choke at this point, you have inserted them too much.
• Angle your fingernails in towards the centre of your tongue and bring them together. This is the point where most people go wrong at, if you find yourself pointing them to the back of your throat you are doing it wrong!
• Getting tricky now. Draw back your tongue so that the tip is almost touching the bottom of your mouth (a little way behind the lower teeth).
• Take a deep breath and blow (this forces the air over you fingers and lower lip.

If all of this has worked for you, you should be finger-whistling like a pro. If you have found it hasn’t worked, then back to the drawing-board. You know what they say – practice makes perfect.

1) The Eldest Child

Advantages:

The “eldest” child is the trend setter. If the “eldest” child wears a shirt with ‘I’m stupid’ written on it, the rest of the pack follows the leader. The “eldest” child is given responsibility – makes them look grown up and more mature – but really, who cares if they really are grown up or mature. The “eldest” child is ALWAYS the centre of attention. They are given the first choice, be it picking out what jumper to wear or which pair of those hideous socks you get to choose. The “eldest” child is the smart one by default because they have “seen more of life”.

Disadvantages:

The “eldest” child can get away with nothing! There’s always that sob story of “setting an example for your younger siblings” that sticks to them ALL their lives. The “eldest” child is also always under scrutiny for the best behaviour out in a party or something. Who cares if the other children dipped their chicken salad in the custard at a posh party? If the “eldest” child does it, they are bound to get a few harsh words eventually.

2) The Middle Child

Advantages:

The “middle” child is always the one who can sink into the shadows and disappear when the other kids get the blame. They are always put in a situation where they don’t have to set an example for any one or they don’t even have to follow it. The “middle” child always gets to play the angel. Let the older sibling get the blame because of what the “middle” child did to the younger one. The “middle” child is the one who is the best behaved because the others naturally expect the “middle” child to have the maturity of the older sibling and the innocence of the younger one. If there is more than one “middle” child, the “middle” child always has their own little group of “middlehood”.

Disadvantages:

The “middle” child is always the “middle” child. Overshadowed by the others. Sometimes, no one really cares about the “middle” child because let’s face it, you are far too normal to be in a family. The “middle” child is the one who is often forgotten because they can slip in and out of situations at ease so sometimes, it’s best just to not keep them in account of the grand scheme of things. Don’t scoff at this, “middle” children out there, you secretly know this is true!

3) The Youngest Child

Advantages:

The “youngest” child is the most spoilt! No one wants to hurt the “youngest” child because the “youngest” child is always the most cunning and the most angelic. The “youngest” child could do no wrong. All they have to is point the finger at the others if they have to in a sticky situation. The “youngest” child is the one who gets away with everything. They have nothing to fear because they will always have backup (the other siblings) to cover for them. And the other siblings can’t say ‘no’ because that would mean violating the “code” of siblingship. The “youngest” one is often the one who gets what he/she wants. If the “youngest” child does something wrong, the parents are always quick to say “He/She is only a child!” And when the “youngest” child is 42 and still living with their parents, the “youngest” is still “only a child”.

Disadvantages:

The “youngest” child has to follow the crowd every single time. When the “eldest” child sets an example, they are obliged to follow it. The “youngest” child is the one who can’t think for themselves, just because they aren’t allowed to.  The “youngest” child is never given the first choice in anything and most of the times responsibility is never given to the “youngest” child. The “youngest” can be bullied by the others as the ‘spoilt’ one and often ostracised from the rest of the group. The “youngest” can also be compared to the others constantly and be overshadowed too.

4) The Only Child

Advantages:

The “only” child has it all. They are spoilt and loved by their parents. They are given all the freedom that they could ever want because the parents don’t want to ‘hurt’ their ‘poor little baby’. They are given the responsibility and Nan and Grandpa will always love the “only” child because he or she can carry the most divine manners. The “only” child has no one else whom they are compared to. They can think for themselves and they can act for themselves. The “only” child is given the latest iPod only by asking for it. The “only” child can get away with anything too and all they have to do is say ‘sorry’.

Disadvantages:

Secretly at school, not very many people like the “only” child because they are jealous of the latest Gucci coat that the “only” child has. The “only” child can get really bored over the summer because they have no one to play with or no one to gossip with. The “only” child is also meant to behave really well and even though they can get away with misbehaviour, it is often optimum if they have the best polished shoes on and the best neatly brushed hair. The “only” child is the sole carrier of the parents dreams and ambitions for their “only” child so the “only” child must stick to accomplishing them.

You are bound to be in one of those situations at some point in your life and you will find that if not all, at least some of it is true! So stop moaning about why you are disadvantaged as a child with your position in the family and stop whinging about why your siblings are so advantaged as a child with their position in the family and live with it! The truth of the matter is – no matter what child you are, you’ll never win!

With the economy the way it is, the competition among panhandlers must be fierce.  These ”street associates” get creative to get a handout.

Sure he’s a straight talker, but still…

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Maybe a pistol would be more economical.

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I wonder what those research papers look like.

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He gets points for originality, and his clothes will keep you guessing on what era he stepped out of.

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Excellent use of reverse psychology.

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To be honest, that isn’t much different from my last job.

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Signs That Probably Aren’t Real But Should Be

It’s a European Carryall!

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Not since the classic “Pegasus Crossing” have geeks been so jazzed to see a sign.

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To me, the best part of this sign is just how zen the cow is about what is happening.

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Replace Those Lightbulbs!

That’s actually a really good price…must be a volume business.

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How is this even relevant?  Where are they getting this “steak” from?

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Accidental Profanity From  Asian Restaurants  Um, these are pretty self-explanatory…Oh, like you’re so mature!

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Bad Spelling  Next time you complain about higher taxes, just think what a bargain education gets you in America.

This child was left behind… far behind.

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“Excetions” isn’t in my English to Spanish dictionary so I have no idea what the hell this means.

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Finally!  I’m so tired of the same old chips and dip…

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You know your dog isn’t going to continue obedience school if they write a letter to the school’s owner telling them you are the owner of a flea circus and intend to bring the circus to class next time.

A common drill that is used is for the owners of dogs to run in a circle with their dog on a leash making sure that the dog stays in step with class.  My dog took a dump.  That’s right.  He pooped right in the circle and three owners stepped in it before the circle run was stopped.  The mess was covered with sawdust and I was put in charge of cleaning it up.

Before that my dog would run ahead and sniff the dog ahead of us which would freak it out and cause it to jump in the air.

My dog hired some cats and squirrels to position themselves outside of class and go “na-na-nana-na.”  They then took off with the dogs in hot pursuit.  Many dog owners suffered bruises.

Of course my dog did try to appeal to my softer side by leaving a copy of Hitler’s “Mein Kamph” on top of his leash.

I knew though that he really was having fun embarrassing me.  In other words he really didn’t want a peaceful solution to the situation.

One evening I noticed him and a couple other dogs in a huddle a few feet away from me.  I didn’t put two-and-two together.  His “friends” got into a squabble across the auditorium floor and while they distracted the crowd he quickly pulled me to the refreshment counter which offered wine-based refreshments.  Did I mention that some of my friends from church were in the class?

I should have admitted I was defeated but I followed through and made him graduate—sort of.  And, I suppose that also gave him his ultimate hatred of me.

When we got our diplomas we walked across the stage and had our dogs “sit,” “stay” and “come.”

When it came to my pet’s turn he jumped around like playful puppy the whole time.  They gave me the diploma but three days later I got a letter in the mail that had a copy of the diploma stamped “Null and Void.”

All these years now my dog has hated me.  If I had just listened to him I would have a loyal pet instead of a sworn enemy.

No Thanks!  “Na-na-nana-na!”

Image via Wikipedia