I’m single-minded in pursuit of you; don’t let me miss the road signs you’ve posted. I’ve banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won’t sin myself bankrupt. Be blessed, GOD; train me in your ways of wise living. Psalm 119:10-12 The Message

“When our desire is focused on loving God and others, we will realize our deepest longings for life fulfilled.” – An Anonymous Recovering Alcoholic

Reversing the Past

None of us will ever eliminate our character defects on our own, no matter how hard we try. While it is not possible for us to remove our character defects on our own, we can learn to change the way we think, the way we act and the way we live our lives. Letting go of character defects is never passive. Like everything else we do in recovery, character change requires action. Personal growth and change is a divine interaction between God’s grace and our choices. When we change our actions, we interrupt habitual patterns of thinking, believing and feeling. Motion changes emotion!

If we are willing to change, we will not make the same mistakes time after time. It takes some practice, but with a little commitment and a few failures (which we will want to share with another person), the changes to the way we think, the way we feel and the way we act will begin to come quite quickly. People from religious backgrounds call this repentance and that’s exactly what it is. Grassroots, down and dirty, rubber meets the road repentance. The simplest definition of repentance is to “change one’s mind.” It’s an about face. Turning and going in the other direction. Whatever you call it, it works.

Scripture offers an overwhelming abundance of practical insight and guidance for those of us who are looking for renewal and strength. There are some things that just cannot be said any better than the way Scripture has already said it.

“And so I insist – and God backs me up on this – that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty- headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that’s no life for you! You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything – and I do mean everything – connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life – a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” Ephesians 4:19 – 23 The Message

Any questions?

Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Six Segment Seven
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
Operation Integrity
24040 Camino del Avion #A115
Monarch Beach CA 92629
1-800-762-0430
operationintegrity@cox.net

http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=addict&version1=65&searchtype=all&limit=none&wholewordsonly=no

Lots of food for thought!

Two key words here: reactions (emotions) and responses (choices we make as a result of those emotions).

1. It is okay for me to have emotions, even bad ones. They are, in fact, a gift from God. However, they are very powerful and can lead to very poor choices if I am not careful. Emotions can only be dealt with through validation. I need to know that it is okay for me to feel this way. The best way for that to happen is by talking about my feelings with another “safe” person. (The Purity Report Partner Guidelines are a great way to create those safe relationships.)

2. I am responsible for the choices I make, even bad ones. Our will is also a gift from God. But, when fueled by negative emotions, we can make some really stupid choices. Sometimes, we get those responses (read choices) so ingrained that they are practically automatic. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Drawing this distinction has opened up a lot for me. It is okay for me to feel crappy about things. I also have the power to choose how I am going to respond. If I have automatic responses in play (addictions) then I need to find a way to slow down the cycle of stimulus (emotion) and response (choice) so I can choose differently!

I wrote a blog post a while back that adds more to this called “Stimulus and Response.”

http://joshdixonline.com/staying-faithful-means-no-porn-brothers

One section that was particularly compelleing to me was this:

…married men, pursuing oneness is an essential key for you and your wife.  Everything we do either moves toward our spouse or away from her.  There is no middle ground.  If you do nothing, you drift.  Oneness has to be a constant pursuit.  So in a fight, if you and your spouse can have oneness as the goal–not compromise, but oneness–instead of just winning the fight or discussion, you are saying your relationship is more important than your argument or position.  And if you can see that everything you do is either actively pursuing her or moving away from her, you can have an internal check for yourself when you see that you’re drifting apart.  My wife and I have made this part of the language we use to talk about our relationship every day.  Frankly, it has saved us through all kinds of suffering that could have easily made us drift.

“They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality…” 
(Jude 1:4)

This is a dangerous trap, Jesus –

and not just for “godless men.”

It’s a lethal trap Satan keeps setting for me.

How many times have I done what I know I shouldn’t do

telling myself that after I’ve dabbled in them a little while… 
all I have to do is tell You, “I’m sorry”

“knowing” You’ll immediately wipe my sins from Your record

because – after all – You’ve promised to forgive me if I ask You to –

haven’t You?

Or…

is there a difference in merely saying the words…

and being truly sorry?

I don’t have to ask that.

I know the answer.

You look straight into my heart.

You know when I’m truly sorry –

desperately desiring never to commit that sin again

and when all I want

is a free pass.

 

If you are a teenager, stay tuned to Teens Against Porn. A lot of new, cool features should be popping up!

If you aren’t a teen, but know one who struggles with porn and wants help – send them our way. Teens Against Porn is a great place where teens are empowered to Get Real, Get Honest and Get Free!

pray continually;
1 Thes. 5:17

I have often read or heard this verse and come to one simple conclusion: I am not praying enough. That may be true, but is too simplistic and I don’t believe it really gets at the heart of this exhortation. Yes, we should pray without ceasing. However, it does not set right with my heart when my first-glance reading of scripture brings feelings of inadequacy because of a New Testament standard I feel I could never live up to.

Be watchful,
stand firm in the faith,
act like men,
be strong.
Let all that you do be done in love.
1 Cor 16:13-14 (ESV)

What an awesome verse to live by as fathers. I will carry mine with pride (the good kind of pride)!

Putting my thoughts on paper rather than letting them just swim around in my brain helps a lot too. I can look at what is on my mind much more objectively when I write it down. That is when the insights I mentioned above often come to light.

Journaling also has helped me to see patterns in thoughts, feelings and behaviors as I have done it over the years. I can remember journaling about similar things in the past and suddenly realize I’ve been around this mountain before. That is a big motivation to dig in more deeply because I despise feeling like I am doing the same things over and over.

Bottom-line, for me journaling is an essential element of of recovery. I don’t do it every day. It is an ebb and flow. I have seasons where I journal a lot and others when I don’t. However, I always come back to it as a primary engine of recovery.

This drives a lot of people crazy. I am one of them. Why? Because it feeds a culture of denial. Every time I respond with that answer untruthfully, I am putting a little band-aid on my heart in an attempt to hide. The problem is hiding from others leads to hiding from myself and God too. I start to believe that things are “Fine” even when they are truly rotten.

My people are broken – shattered! -
and they put on Band-Aids,
Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’
But things are not ‘just fine’!
- Jeremiah 6:14 (The Message)

Obviously I am not going to spill my guts to everyone I talk to. But, I need to be spilling my guts somewhere! My freedom and the health of my relationships, with Jesus and others, depends on it.

I don’t want to live my life floating in a boat on a river called DENIAL.