Punching Kitty

Ladies Shouldn’t Pee at the Spear Construction Company (Updated)

2012-05-15T22:22:11Z

Updated below with an anonymous response.

The owner of the Crestwood construction company is in trouble after it was discovered he had wired up a hidden camera in the ladies room. A woman employee is obviously pretty “pissed” about it, but for any other non-employees: What you’re peeing in a construction company office? How bad did you have to go? How long were you there? Did this guy give everyone a gallon jug of water in the waiting room? Before this story, we would have estimated the number of girls peeing in a construction office to be zero. The cops were probably like “This guy’s going to jail, but next time, hold it.”

Brian Spear, who owns Spear Construction, was charged with attempted invasion of privacy.

Police said Spear placed a hidden camera in the women’s restroom and recorded women on the toilet.

Authorities said a former employee found the camera under a pipe under the sink.

So “hidden” camera is a pretty loose term in this case. On a pipe under the sink, is just a few steps away from being on a tripod in the corner with a roll of paper towels hanging off of it.

“What did he see? How long has it been there? What was he doing? Why was he doing this,”

…is what most of our dates probably write in their diary after they get home, but it’s also what Spear’s female employee wanted to know after finding out about the lovely little “Brian Spear joint”.

“They’re sick. Why would someone want to see that? Why are they doing this to me?” she asked.

Ok, Devil’s Advocate here: Maybe this was nothing more than an experiment to finally solve the mystery of “Do girls poop?” Ok, we don’t want to defend the perv, but lets not just blindly throw away the tapes…can a doctor or scientist watch them and then update Yahoo Answers appropriately. We can’t believe it’s 2012 and no girl has yet to admit they poop. Admittedly the moon landing was probably worth figuring out first, but it’s time.

via KMOV and the tip line

Update, 5/15/2012 5pm:

We received this in our anonymous tip inbox (We love getting them! *hint*). Naturally it’s slated a certain direction, but it seemed worth posting, because even with fart jokes, we like to cover both sides.

LIES….blown out of proportion by an employee wanting money. The camera was placed on the weekend only when no-one was to be there. It was even on a timer. He had a disgruntled tenant he was leasing space to who he believed was placing materials in the women’s toilet to destroy the plumbing because they were having problems with the Men’s room as well. The police found NO women on the tapes. This is why the arrest was “attempted” and Spear is not in jail.

Don’t believe everything you read!

Policeman Fake Arrests Kid During Career Day

2012-05-11T04:41:34Z

During Washington Montessori School’s career day a police officer decided it would be fun to arrest a six-year old because when he asked him his name he gave the officer a “fake name”. In a effort to make a point about lying to the police, the officer cuffed the child and put him in the back of his squad car. Guess what happened…no don’t bother, the kid cried. Probably because he was nervous, but maybe because he had weed in his pocket, but either way he cried, and now his mom is pissed!

“This is not how you teach a 6-year-old to respect cops. You just don’t,” Debbie Woodard, the boy’s mother, said.

Woodard tells News 4 she is not surprised how her son responded because he has always gone by his nickname ‘Jon Michael’ instead of his real name which is ‘Otis’.

It’s clear now that the officer should have arrested the mother for naming her kid “Otis” and for telling her child that “Jon Michael” is anything close to what a nickname should be. “Big O” maybe, or even “Skip”, but where is “Jon Michael” coming from? Is there an MTV ~~ripoff~~ service were you can text your name for $2.99 to find out your “Waltons Nickname” or something?

As with any angry mom situation, both the police and the school are backing away slowly.

“A young student was used in a demonstration with an officer on arrest procedure, and it upset the child and certainly I don’t think that was the police officer’s intent,” Patrick Wallace, the school district spokesman, said.

Police will only say they are conducting an internal investigation on the unidentified female officer, who works in the city’s traffic division.

Otis/Jon Michael/Little Liar’s mom is holding firm on her demand of an apology from the officer.

In a related story, why isn’t Baywatch on TV anymore? It used to be all over the place on reruns, and now? Nothing. 200+ channels and none of them have Baywatch?! It’s stupid and we demand an apology for that…which is why it’s related. Also boobs, because the mom probably has some and that’s all Baywatch was.

Damn we miss Baywatch.

via KMOV

Horrible Kitten Crime With Cute Photo Chaser

2012-05-10T04:25:21Z

KMOX has a story about multiple kittens that were killed and then lined up in a Belleville, Illinois park:

[A woman] found the bodies of dead kittens, seven in all,- near some railroad tracks.

Their bodies were lined up all in a row.

According to police spokesman Sgt. Don Sax the kittens may have been killed “by an animal”, and were later discovered and lined up by someone, perhaps a child.

WTF. No joke here, not from a site with a kitten logo (even if it did seem to have a rough night). We will offer a difference service though: A horrible mental image chaser.

Here’s a very focused kitten getting some quick work done before heading off for a nap:

Mind cleansed by cuteness of alive kitten. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Oh and these 10 people that “like”ed the story on KMOX can get ass cancer that can only be cured by shoving a hot metal rod up their asses and then when it’s up there burning the crap of our their butt hole, the doctor should be all like “Whoops, this other book says there’s no known cure. Not sure where I got the thick hot piece of metal in your ass thing from.”

Horse Outsmarts Downtown Carriage Jacker

2012-05-10T04:20:51Z

One of those horse-drawn carriages was jacked Tuesday night by a cane wielding assailant who apparently found no cars worthy of stealing or more likely, as this took place downtown, there might not have been any cars left that hadn’t already been broken in to.

The St. Louis Carriage Company driver Larry Turner said he was steering his horse, Harry, back to the company’s stables about 8:25 p.m. toward the end of his shift. He spotted a [Johnny Medina, 40], sitting on some steps, staring at the carriage as he rolled by.

According to Turner and police, Medina suddenly rushed the carriage and tried to jump on after Turner turned south on Eighth Street. Turner said he slapped Harry into a gallop but the man caught up and climbed aboard.

So now the carriage thing makes sense: This is an older gentleman with a cane we’re talking about here! A horse drawn carriage is about all Johnny can catch up to these days. Plus he was raised on all those John Wayne movies and nothing is cooler than robbing a “stage coach”.

“As soon as he got in there, in the calmest voice possible, he said, ‘Don’t look at me, just drive the carriage,’” Turner said.

Nothing weird about that. It’s the same thing we say when we get on anything we don’t drive: cars, carriages, busses, boats, passenger jets…We’re not paying you to check me out! (Don’t blame you though!)

After knocking the driver off the carriage with his cane, Harry the horse seemed pretty unfazed by the whole thing and proceeded to go where it was headed before: Home. Once reaching the stable, an attendant tried to get the situation under control, but quick thinking Johnny Medina decided he needed to take the crazy up to 11 by hopping off the carriage and punching the horse.

Turner, a former jockey who has been driving horse carriages for seven years, said Harry is an “excellent” horse.

“He went home and I knew he would,” Turner said. “He’s tough. He does his job and he’s extremely intelligent. He works hard and he does everything I ask him to do.”

Sadly the carriage owner fired Turner shortly after this interview upon learning that the horse can clearly do the job on it’s own now and will only cost hay and a bag of oats rather than minimum wage and health insurance that covers cane injuries.

After the ordeal Tuesday night, [stable manager, Jenny Holzum] rewarded Harry with a massage.

“He’s a champion,” Holzum said.

Yea for happy endings (we’re not saying that’s what the horse got after his massage…unless Jenny Holzum is a small perverted Japanese woman), but lets take a moment to back up for a moment. What was the initial plan here? Say crazy old cane guy successfully stole the carriage rather than being outsmarted by a horse…what was the next step? Is the a big carriage resell market? Was he going to try driving it to work after gluing a Kia hood ornament to the front? Maybe he just wanted a romantic ride for one! The cool clear tuesday night with a light breeze running through downtown as dusk settles in and the lights of the city start to blink on like the stars coming in to focus as night slowly makes it’s way across the sky…it’s cool to masturbate on those carriage rides right? …if not then this is truly a senseless crime!

via STLToday

H/T DailyRFT

St. Louis to Offer Parking Ticket Amnesty

2012-05-09T03:50:50Z

This weekend, all unpaid St. Louis City parking tickets can be cleared by just paying the original ticket price, dropping all overdue fines that can reach as high as 300% per ticket.

“We’ve giving everyone an opportunity to wipe the slate clean,” Andres Broussard of the City Treasurer’s office said.

Drivers interested in the Amnesty program can come to the America’s Center May 11-12, or the Community Needs Expo. The hours are 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. Friday and 9 a.m. – 2 p.m. Saturday. Drivers will be presented a voucher. The voucher can be paid online, or in person at the Traffic Violations Bureau downtown. The tickets must be paid before Sunday, May 13, Broussard said.

Lovely idea for the city to get some much needed cash flow going, of course the city is taking the risk of announcing a time and date to a group of people that are clearly not in to following precise guidelines or able to process simple paperwork, so this should go pretty well. Also, parking for this thing on Saturday is going to be horrible downtown, so just pull right up on to the curb anywhere around the America’s Center…wait a minute! It’s a trap!

via KMOV

Remember Jem? She’s Doing Meth Now in Cottage Hills Apparently

2012-05-09T04:24:32Z

Hey people over 30! Remember Jem? (Reminder) Well not is she still “truly outrageous” but she’s on meth now and living in Cottage Hills, Illinois.

34 year old ~~Rachael Toner~~ Jem is charged with what officials call an enhanced Class X charge of Aggravated Participation in Meth. The arrest of Toner took place at a home in Cottage Hills, Illinois.

Jem, who now looks like this…

(See, told you that was Jem) is in jail with a $350,0o0 bond because not only did she make meth, but she did it with her three kids in the house. The kids have been removed from the house and are with the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services.

In even more disturbing news, this person on YouTube has re-cut and uploaded the original season 3 Jem opening sequence because…

It really bugged me that they didnt [sic] even pretend like the Holograms had a new member, so I put a lot of Raya in this one.

OMG! That totally bugged us too and we were going to do the same thing when we got home, but instead we decided to use the internet correctly by playing videogames and downloading pirated copies of Japanese tentacle porn.

via KMOX

St. Louis Has the World’s Tallest Chess Piece

2012-05-08T03:58:15Z

St. Louis’ growing resume as the center of the chess universe grew by 14.5 feet yesterday as the world’s largest chess piece was unveiled at the World Chess Hall of Fame in the Central West End yesterday.

The king piece, which is 14.5 feet high and weighs 2,280 pounds, sits just outside the World Chess Hall of Fame. It was presented to promote the 2012 U.S. Chess Championships, which began on Tuesday and has been hosted by the club for the past four years.

The structure was originally meant to be installed in The Grove on the Manchester strip, but officials worried that the king wouldn’t stand out with all the giant queens that regularly visit that area.

[Editor's Note: If you didn't laugh at that one-liner. Read it again and then click right here immediately after.]

via KMOV (dito photo credit)

KTVI, Fox 2, is Horrible at Twitter

2012-05-08T03:44:56Z

Fox 2 sucks at Twitter. We know this not because we follow @fox2now, we know this because we found, and now love, fox2nowpoetry.tumblr.com.

Who would have thought Fox2 would be bad at Twitter? Fox 2, KTVI, is/was the home of the famed “Web Center”, but they screw up headline tweets like nobody’s business. You may think Tweeting out new headlines with a link to the story sounds simple to do manually, or even something one could automate very easily, but here we are with mangled headline tweets such as:

Both St. Louis city bit.ly/JjhhwL #FOX2Now #STL

Helpful. Obviously that means:

Both St. Louis city and county have cancelled their monthly tornado warning tests for today because of incliment [sic] weather.

…but it could also mean “Both St. Louis city and your mom have a lot in common because the north side is baren, the east side is a mess and you’re not sure how the hell they are producing their own special cheese in such large quantities.” Scary part: That’s actually a “good” one. They get worse when the headline nub could be considered a complete sentence. For example (yes, these are all real):

CIA thwarted an underwear bit.ly/JMBs1z #FOX2Now #STL

We “thwarted” our underwear once too. Luckily we got to a bathroom quickly and then headed home for a “debriefing”…well actually all the thwarting and debriefing happend in that PF Chang’s bathroom, but you get the picture.

Brentwood Police Launch Facebook bit.ly/LxTlY2 #FOX2Now #STL

Good for them. All this time Harvard was in Brentwood huh?

Kids Graduate bit.ly/L9DYoI #FOX2Now #STL

This must be a story about the County.

Overland Police investigate child bit.ly/KhqQi4 #FOX2Now #STL

Sounds dangerous.

There’s more than just these. There’s lots more and Fox 2 keeps churning them out (three from yesterday alone) and Erica Smith (@ericasmith) keeps posting them to fox2nowpoetry.tumblr.com.

Fellow Twitter users were openly mocking the 4-word tweets @fox2now was sending — and I admit, I was one of them. We were being ignored on Twitter, so I took it to the next logical step: Tumblr.

If you’re wondering what comes after Tumblr in web parody escalation, it’s a Facebook application, and then after that it’s a MySpace page for some reason…maybe this unwritten list should be updated more often.

Erica says the tweet that launched the Tumblr blog was when Fox2 claimed that Webster University had the power and balls to cancel a whole evening for everyone. Since then it’s been waiting for the next stupid @Fox2now tweet, but it seems Fox 2 may have caught on to her little game yesterday:

It appears @fox2now has fixed its Twitterfeed problem. It’s still #BadRSStoTwitter, but now with longer tweets and more ellipses.

Aww, bummer. We’ll never forget about that time the “CIA Thwarted an Underwear” though, and come on, it’s Fox “the web center” 2 we’re talking about! There will be more stupid in the weeks ahead and Erica will be there waiting with the “Create a Tumblr” page loaded in a tab at the ready.

via Twitter (where else?)

The 5 Best Cherokee Street Cinco de Mayo Moments

2012-05-07T04:27:22Z

We had a great time at Cinco de Mayo despite the heat that the lack of shady spots. The tacos were good, and music was lively (and hopefully not making fun of us since we had no idea what they were saying) and the photo ops were plentiful. Here are our favorites.

[Editor's Note: Also, thanks for your help in funding the Cherokee Street parade's Kickstarter campaign! It was just barely funded before time ran out.]

#1: It was hot.

…like park your family of festive hat wearers in the shade hot.

#2: Some parade costumes didn’t make a lot of sense

We aren’t sure if those are black feathers at the top of her top, or if that’s her insides being squeezed out. We’d ask if she could breath, but ooh! Candy!

#3: Other parade costumes were great

They’ll even dance for your camera if you’re nice.

#4: These boots seem practical

How would one even walk in these? We just don’t get them…they’re crazy awesome, but…huh?

#5: This guy is the coolest dude ever.

Not a single f*ck was given by this old dude all day.

South City Couple Sexually Assaulted Their Dog

2012-05-07T04:50:20Z

Dana Kintz and Shawn Ingram have been charged with “unlawful sex with an animal” (which makes us wonder what the “lawful” kind is…accidental peanut butter oral would be our guess) after Kintz called the cops because Ingram slapped her around a bit. Not long after police arrested the couple because of photos found on Ingram’s cell phone of Kintz sexually assaulting a dog. To be fair, the dude’s face does kinda look like a dog’s ass so maybe she was just confused, but still you’d like to think someone could figure out their mistake pretty quickly.

Police said they had enough evidence to charge Kintz as a willing participant, but she said Ingram had forced her to do it and made her wear a dog collar and mask.

Officials said Ingram posted the images to animal fetish websites.

If you’re already grossed out enough after seeing their ugly faces, and visualizing them screwing both each other and their dog, well then we just hate to tell you that they also found (human) child porn on Ingram’s phone…because after all this, why not?

Ingram previously served time on a child porn conviction and is listed on the Illinois sex offender database.

Kintz later said she thought she was charged because she refused to help authorities in the child porn incident.

Lovely people. Lovely stupid people who call the cops on each other and the apparently just let the police look at their cell phone full of pervy stuff.

The dog has since run away (shocker) because eating trash was more appealing than her previous life. We hear the dog is now appearing on Tuesday nights at PT’s and while it says it’s doing ok, we all know how this goes: stripping, abusive relationship, babies, Maury Povich Show, drugs, Maury Povich Show, hooking, Maury Povich Show, detox, finds doggie Jesus, relapse, deals with messed up doggie kids always getting in the pound.

via KMOV