Pray a new song

Katie's prayer: SoulJahz's "Let Go"

2012-10-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

Breathe in
Breathe out
and Let Go

This weekend:
Applefest Weekend
First Reconciliation Parent Meeting
First session of Confirmation

I was at the parish for 12 hours or more on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Today, I’ve been going since 7:30am Mass. Taking my first break right now. The evening won’t end until probably 7-7:30pm.

Many things this weekend to be stressful about - running low on volunteers, being the only one knowing how to make the apples and having to teach everyone else, not having much time to prepare for the first reconciliation meeting, forgetting the dvd in my office (15 minutes from where I live), not shopping for tonight’s dinner until last night/this morning, having the first session of Confirmation the same weekend as applefest (because I wasn’t thinking when I put it together), not having my phone with me right now because I forgot it at home, many apples still sitting here waiting to be sold (when we normally sell out by noon on Sunday), dishes piling up in my sink, having an (almost) even busier week next week, oh I could go on and on. This week had more than it’s fair share of potentially stressful moments. But yet, I’ve been oddly calm about it all. (Except maybe the extra apples thing)

Why the odd calmness? This song. It’s been on repeat in my car for this past week. It’s there reminding me of God’s presence. Reminding me that it’s ok if things aren’t perfect. Reminding me of something I’ve been learning recently - it’s not all up to me, God is the one in charge, He’s the one leading everything, not me. And as long as I let go of that control and let God (as they say) things will be ok, so there’s no need to stress.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for helping me not stres. But I still need a little help. The time to start is getting closer, those apples aren’t disappearing from that room, and I think my feet have finally given out on me.
God Bless!
Katie

Katie's Prayer: Kirk Franklin's "Declaration (This Is It)"

2012-08-15T17:41:00.000-05:00

If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve listened to this song on repeat...I’d be rich. It’s sooooo good. I think the most amazing thing about this song, despite how many times I’ve listened to it (over 300), despite the number of times I’ve listened to it back to back to back, I’m still able to pull something new out almost every time I hear it. I’ve had this song on repeat in my car since Tuesday morning when it just happened across my song shuffle and I couldn’t help but put it on repeat, because that’s what you do with this song. I’ve had so many different things run through my head, I’m not sure which ones I’m going to blog about here.

I'm smarter, see I've been here before.

This past Saturday, I went to a training for Confirmation coordinators. One of the first things we did was introduce ourselves: name, parish, and number of years involved with Confirmation. It wasn’t until then that it hit me. This will be my 4th Confirmation class. My baby freshmen that I started with are Seniors this year. Nothing like starting off the day making me feel old. (: As I went through the day with a bunch of (mostly) first year teachers, I realized how much I’ve learned in these past few years. Looking back, I made quite a few stupid mistakes with the program when I started.

But now, here I am starting year 4, and I think I’m starting to get things down. Even with PSR, for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m behind... I’m actually ahead of where I need to be right now. I’m not going to say I’m perfect, because I’m obviously not, I’m still making stupid mistakes... different stupid mistakes than I was making my first year. But I’m finally starting to feel like I know what I’m doing.

Another happy thought that reached me while praying this song. I’ve heard it said before (and I totally believe) that you can’t do youth ministry unless it’s God’s will for your life. Not everyone is called to youth ministry. To be quite frank, it’s tough, at times even tougher than I thought it would be. Those people who aren’t called leave shortly after starting. Here I am, starting year 4... I guess I’m one of the chosen called people. Just a little confidence booster. I knew God was always on my side, but it just feels more like it when I KNOW that this is my calling.

And all of this - confidence boosting, lots of experience, knowing what I’m doing - is coming at the perfect time. This upcoming year is going to be a tough one. It hasn’t really started and I already know it. For those of you close to me, you know why. I’m going to need every bit of confidence, every bit of experience, and every bit of knowledge to survive. That’s how I know it’s going to be a bad year - I’m not even expecting to thrive, I’m expecting to barely survive. But after listening to this song a few dozen times in the past day and a half - and probably for a few more days - I’m getting more hopeful about that survival part. (lol, God-coincidence, just went through the lyrics again to make sure I didn’t miss anything and saw...

I always survive
If you’re a survivor, get up!

I guess I need to get up)

I start right now, I don't know how I'm gonna get through it
I know right now, I pray somehow 'cause I can't do it
I can't keep livin' like this, there's gotta be more than this
Jesus, I'm ready, I'm ready for what you have for me

Dear Jesus,
I know this year is going to be tough. I’ve known for a long time. Help me to exceed my expectations. I want to thrive, even though it seems unlikely. I really want to survive, even though that seems unlikely at times as well. I know I can’t do either without your help. Jesus, I’m ready for what you have for me.
Love,
Katie

Katie's prayer: Rebecca St. James' "I Thank You"

2012-05-10T18:18:00.000-05:00

I thank you

God's really been hammering this idea of thankfulness into my head recently. It really started on Sunday (or maybe even before).

For youth group, we attended the Holy Hour for the building fund. During Adoration, I was reminded of a blog post I wrote many years ago, and have since reposted at least twice because it's that important and I obviously need to be reminded of it often. (If you’re interested, click here for one of the re-postings) It centers around the idea that too often, our... ok MY... prayers of requests WAY outnumber prayers of thankfulness.

As I was being reminded of this post, I was also reminded of my last Adoration experience, the Thursday before. I spent a lot of that Adoration not just making requests but making demands. The entire hour. I honestly don't think I said one word of thanks the entire time.

So I got the idea from God that it was time to be more thankful and less demanding. In fact, the next day, one of my echo prayer manager reminders was "pray for thankfulness." For not the first time, I was amazed at how much God has an influence over what prayer requests I get. So I said a quick prayer of thanks and went on my way.

As the week went on, I started seeing another side to this thankfulness idea. This past Sunday was also the last day of PSR. As such, there were presents I was handing out to the teachers and youth assistants. I even got a present from one of the youth assistants. This idea popped in my head about how stupid that was. They work for the whole year, and we wait til the very end to thank them?! The more I thought, though, I remembered my weekly email to the teachers. Each one ended with "thank you for all that you do!" So I guess we didn't wait til the end to say thank you, we just waited to the end to give them something to show our thanks. I felt a little better about that until Tuesday happened.

Tuesday was my performance review at the diocese. I was nervous. I had no reason to be, yet still, I was. Maybe cause it was my first one. Maybe because I had to come up with three goals for myself for the next year and I was worried about if the goals I had were going to be good enough. I don't think I thought about it much, but if I had, I would have been worried about the scores I was going to be given. Either way, I was not looking forward to this performance review at all.

Looking back, though, I can't wait for the next one. Words of affirmation are great! To be told that I do stuff, not just well, but over the top amazing was wonderful! To be told thanks, not just that word but specifically thank you for this and this and this. It was truly amazing. Caused the rest of my day to go so much better.

Looking back, it's not that my boss never said thanks to me. It's just that 90% of the time, that's all it was: "thanks." And honestly, there’s That’s when I realized there's a difference between saying thanks, and being specific about your thanks. That's when I realized I had good reason to feel bad about the way I thanked the teachers. That's when I realized, I should feel bad about the way I thanked God when I got that text message. I thought I had the right idea at the time, but, like always, God had something much bigger in plan.

So time for my challenge to you, cause if God can challenge me to do something, then I can sure as heck give that challenge to you as well... Do better about your thanks! Just saying thank you isn't enough. You have to be specific when you say thanks it you have to show how thankful you are. Do better about being thankful! I'm sure if you think about it, there are people in you life that helped you become what you are today (moms come to mind, maybe because Mother’s Day is Sunday). When was the last time you told them thanks? Last mother's day? Have you ever told them thanks? Increase those prayers of thanksgiving! Everything we have is a gift from God. “It’s not I, but Christ who lives in me.” From the gifts and talents you've been given, to the food on your table, to those friends and family members that you're so thankful for. Everything is a gift from God. And instead if being like whining little children, asking (or maybe even demanding) more, we need to be thankful and appreciate what we have been given.

Dear Jesus,
You’ve given me a lot to think about. And a nice long list to challenge me with. I know it’s not going to be easy. Not at all. I know I’m going to need Your help... lots of it! I really don’t want to fail at this one. Can You help a sister out? (:
Amen.

Katie's Prayer: Sean McConnell's "Madly in Love With You"

2012-04-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

Last night, the relationship I’ve been in for the past 6 months ended. This morning, this song was the first thing I heard. A song I have memorized and could sing along without even thinking. A song I’ve heard over 100 times. But a song that, this morning, I felt like I was hearing for the first time because suddenly, the lyrics had new meaning.

I have this theory that God speaks to everyone is a special way. How God talks to me is not necessarily how God speaks to you. You just have to find how God speaks to you, and once you do, you can’t stop hearing His voice. Foe of the ways God speaks to me is through song - one of the reasons I was so excited to start this blogging project. Through this song, and literally every song I’ve heard since, God keeps telling me that this was what was supposed to happen. This is the best thing. Even if it hurts. Even if I don’t fully understand. Even if I’m not getting the answer my question why.

The other message God is sending me, I talked a little about in my last post, ‘don’t give up.’ Don’t give up on Him. I know that God has bigger plans than what I can see at the moment. I just have to trust that. And for the moment, just allow myself to feel God’s love. And eventually, I’ll see the fruit behind it all. Eventually, I might get the answer to my question why. And even if I don’t ever understand, I hope that I can at least fully realize how much God loves me.

I see you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of ladder to the sky
Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why

How do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
I see you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day
A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away

But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And I’m running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean
I’ll never give up on you

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you will understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

Katie's prayer: Mary Mary's "Can't Give up Now"

2012-04-18T22:48:00.001-05:00

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me(so I can't)

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

I don’t know what it is about this song. It just shows up when I really need it and then disappears when I don’t need to hear the message it has for me. This is the third time I’ve prayed with this song on prayanewsong. I know that it’s been the inspiration for prayer more times than that. And each time, something different sticks out to me, somehow bringing me into a deeper understanding of what God is trying to tell me.

Recently, I’ve been asking God lots of questions. His answer kept being “wait.” I told Him that I didn’t like that answer. It’s His favorite answer to give and my least favorite answer to receive. So I told God, “No, that’s not good enough, I need another answer.” So, amazingly, he listened to my childish demands and gave me the answer of “don’t give up.” It makes a little more sense than “wait” but not much.

Ever since I’ve gotten that “don’t give up” message, it’s been showing up everywhere - obviously in tonight’s song. It was the first song I heard when leaving XLT tonight. I immediately put the song on repeat and listened for the entire 40 minute ride home. I think each time the song played, something else stuck out to me - thus the reason I have the whole song above. I honestly couldn’t pick just a line or two. Tonight’s ride home gave me quite a lot to think about - and a lot to talk with God about.

Dear God,
Thanks for the new answer! And thanks for explaining it better than your last answer. I’m going to need your help actually following the directions You’ve given me tonight. Cause I’m human, and I’m going to fail. I just don’t want to fail immediately. Help me to be strong. Help me to realize that You are with me. Help me to not give up.
Amen.

Katie's prayer: Matt Redman's "Heart of Worship"

2012-04-05T21:43:00.002-05:00

It's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing
I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

I can't believe we're already in the triduum! This Lent went by way too fast. These three days have my favorite three (kinda) Masses of the whole year. (I say kinda, cause good Friday isn't a Mass.) So it was a little frustrating to me that for some reason, I wasn't able to keep my attention on the Mass tonight. I'm sure I could blame it on many things: working all day, being at a different Church, whatever. But really, they all seem like stupid excuses.

Usually, though, no matter how distracted I get during Mass, I'm able to pull it together by the time of the moment of consecration. Not tonight. The moment of consecration was approaching, I looked up at the altar and got distracted by the teenager sitting in front of me. My thoughts went something like this: "Look at her, Jesus is about to come, and she's playing with her nails! *internal disgusted noise*" Then God kinda smacked me upside my head and said something like: "Look at you, Jesus is about to come, and you're watching her play with her nails." Boom! God had me!

You know, when you so clearly hear God's voice, it is REALLY hard to not listen. Somehow I got my attention back where it belonged, and tried my very hardest to keep it there.

Dear Jesus, thanks for the head smacking! I admit, I NEEDED it. Help me to not be as easily distracted tomorrow and the day after. Feel free to do more head smacking if necessary. Amen.

Katie's prayer: Point of Grace's "Breath of Heaven"

2012-02-22T20:34:00.002-06:00

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of
Heaven
Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one
Should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

I'm stressed. I didn't even realize how stressed I was until today, when my body started telling me. The more stressed I am, the easier I cry. Just thinking for like two seconds about whatever is stressing me easily makes me break down in tears. While I'm not that bad yet, I am to where thinking about it makes my eyes water. Then I stop thinking about it and I'm good. Only problem...these problems aren't going to go away.

But then again, thinking about these problems won't make the stress go away. In fact, I'm pretty sure it will make the stress worse. Especially since, with at least one problem, there's nothing more I can do.

Dear Jesus,
Hold me together. Help me get through this weekend (where most of stress will disappear). Help the other problem to heal. Help me to know what to do when those people come to me. Help those two specific people to be strong, even amidst what I'm sure will be a lot of attacks. And lastly, help me to learn to just let things go.
Amen.

Katie's prayer: Celine Dion's "Don't Save It All for Christmas Day"

2012-02-10T14:54:00.002-06:00

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday

If you know me at all, you know that I’m a little bit crazy. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that I’d be the kind of person that would get a Christmas song stuck in their head in the middle of February. I have no idea how it got into my head, but it appeared and there was no getting rid of it. So I embraced it, opened it on my iTunes and have been listening to it non-stop since with the knowledge that somehow, someway, maybe God was trying to tell me something. I think I maybe figured it out...maybe.

The basic idea centers around the word “love.” It’s every where these days! Valentine’s Day is 4 days away. The morning news has been having a “countdown to Valentine’s Day” this entire week. Practically every other commercial is “here’s what you can get your love this Valentine’s Day.” Pink hearts and such have been in stores since before Christmas (that might be a bit of exaggeration, I didn’t really pay attention to when they actually appeared in stores, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened before Christmas).

I have a confession to make - I don’t like Valentine’s Day. And it’s not because (up to this point) I’ve spent every Valentine’s Day as a single person and it turned into “Single’s Awareness Day.” Part of it is due to the fact that it’s almost 100% a Hallmark holiday - some company telling me when to show love to others. St. Valentine was a pretty good guy and all, but why should I want to give stuff to other people (or receive stuff from other people) on his feast day? Why St. Valentine and not another saint? I feel like personal anniversaries should be more important than a random day that some company decided.

I think the reason I hate Valentine’s Day the most, though, is because of the warped image of love that it puts out. The word love is just thrown around - I love chocolate, I love sleeping in, I love thunderstorms. Not to say that I don’t say these things, cause I do. I mean, just earlier this week, I confessed my love for brie cheese. “Love” is not “like”. TV shows and movies show people saying “I love you” on like date 2. “Love” is not “lust”. What is love? Love is self-sacrificial. Love is being willing to die for another person. God is Love. Love is being like Christ to another.

So, I challenge you, find a way to give a little love (the real love) today. Not because Valentine’s Day is here and the world says to, but because that’s what we’re called to do EVERYDAY.

And then random video from Mark Hart because I “love” him....

Katie's prayer: David Crowder Band's "B Quiet Inerlude"

2012-01-31T20:45:00.000-06:00

I've had some nasty bug for quite a while now. It just doesn't seem to want to go away. So yesterday, I finally gave in to my mom's pleas and went to the doctor. Apparently my cold is gone, but it forgot to take the sore throat with it. The doc told me to get better, I needed to rest, drink lots of fluid, take some ibuprofen, don't talk and definitely don't sing. Didn't seem too hard. Then I tried following them and realized the last two were super hard!
Last night, I needed to talk. Well, "needed" to talk. I just felt the need to say something, probably because I knew I couldn't say anything.
Today was difficult working when I could only converse through paper and pen or crude sign language and facial expressions. It was hard for me, and I'm sure it was hard for the people I was working with. Trying to get dinner at subway was interesting.
The most difficult part of today, though, was when I went to xlt. Hard to see people that I haven't really seen since November (since I missed the last xlt) and not easily talk to them. Got even harder when the event started and they played a bunch of songs I love. I'm a singer, it's hard for me to not sing along. But what's even worse, I'm not sure I know how to worship without singing along. I tried just singing along in my head. But when I do that, it's easy for my thoughts to wander. The way I focus my thoughts is by singing out loud. And I couldn't do that today.
But by the end of the night, as odd as it might sound, I was thankful for all this. Lost in my thoughts is where I needed to be tonight, not singing along to the songs. My silence today, though annoying at times, helped my patience grow, and helped me to think before "speaking," something people need to do much more often. It helped my listening skills to grow. I always thought I was pretty good at listening and thinking before speaking, but apparently there's always room to grow.
By the end of Adoration, I felt closer to Him. And really, isn't that was Adoration is all about? So while silence sucks sometimes, it can be good.

Katie's prayer: The Gospel according to John

2012-01-15T09:16:00.003-06:00

(note: today's prayer is not going to be based off a song, but this epiphany I had was way too great to not share)

They said to him, "Rabbi" - which translated means Teacher -

I was always confused as to why the felt the need to put that in there. I mean, the whole Bible is a translation from Hebrew/Greek to English. Why keep one Hebrew word in there and then tell you what the translation of it is. Just doesn't make sense. But, thankfully for me, my questions were answered with Father's homily. Allow me to quote it here:

"As was mentioned, Rabbi is roughly equivalent to Teacher, but this rendering is only an approximation that misses part of the truth. A rabbi in Jesus' day was not a fellow who simply walked into a classroom and lectured his students for a few hours a week. To be a rabbi meant teaching your disciples by sharing your lives together. Rabbis and their disciples lived together, worked together, dined together, journeyed together. It was very much like a familial/paternal relationship. A rabbi really got to know his followers and vice-versa."

After hearing all this, I had an epiphany moment... Is Jesus your teacher or rabbi? What I mean by that: Jesus as teacher - you hang out for an hour a week, maybe more, learn a little something, but go on with your life. Jesus as rabbi - every part of your life includes Jesus. You work with Him, you dine with Him, you journey with Him, AND you hang out with Him once a week or maybe more. Your faith isn't just something that happens on Sundays, it's everyday, and every moment of every day.

I have to admit, I spent a good portion of my life with Jesus as my teacher. And sometimes, it's easy to allow myself to fall back into that trap. Jesus as teacher is the easy route, it's a challenge to have Him be your rabbi. I guess sometimes I just need that little reminder.

Katie's prayer: Jeremy Kay's "Have it All"

2012-01-07T15:08:00.001-06:00

Some days I feel like crying
It don't matter if it's rain or shine
I feel like my heart was broken
At least a million times

Today was one of those days. In fact, I didn’t just feel like crying... I did cry. And in fact, I’m positive that while writing this all out, I will cry again. Very recently, I’ve had some friends act not so friend like. And while I’m sure they didn’t intend to hurt my feelings, the fact is that they did. And there’s a part of me that just knows they did what they did under the assumption that I would never find out. I’m sure in the back of their minds, they probably knew that it might hurt me if I found out. So while I’m sure they really didn’t intend to hurt my feelings, in the back of their minds, they knew they were. And I think that makes it hurt worse. The fact that they knew it was wrong, yet still did it. Of course, this is all speculation since I haven’t talked to them about it yet.

The question I’m faced with now is how do I treat them when I see them next? There’s a part of me that wants to hurt them back. Sweet revenge! Another part of me wants to make them feel horribly guilty for being so crappy to me. Another form os sweet revenge! But then Jesus goes and interrupts my thoughts reminding me that revenge would be wrong. ‘Forgiveness is the right path’ He says. He’s really good about reminding me about that stupid forgiveness right after I’ve been hurt and before I’m ready to forgive. He won’t let me stay mad at people for long.

Usually He’s right. But for some reason, forgiveness just feels wrong this time. It’s like if I forgive them, then I’m giving them permission to retreat me like this again. They have to know that I know and that it hurt me and that even though I’m going to forgive them (eventually), it’s not ok to do it again. But yet, I have to somehow do all of this without being too horrible back to them.... this is going to be tough.

Dear Jesus,
I need your help. Telling me to forgive them is not going to be enough this time. I’m going to need some guidance about how to go about forgiving them.

Katie's prayer: Jackie Francois' "Your Will"

2011-12-30T15:09:00.003-06:00

Put your hand on my shoulder
And let me know you are near
Take my hand in yours, Lord
And lead me to your will

On the way back yo Kansas City today, i popped in a lighthouse cd. I'm learning that listening to those make the drive go by a lot faster than listening to just music.
Today's talk was "The 7 deadly sins and the 7 lively virtues." Awesome talk giving me lots to think about. Made me come away feeling like a huge sinner! I've always known I was a sinner, but, I didn't think I was that bad...until today.
I think the biggest thing I pulled away from the talk didn't actually hit me until I switched over to music. This song was the first one I listened to. As I was listening to it, I realized something. One of the overarching themes in the talk was figuring out God's plan for your life and following it. It came up multiple times, but didn't really strike me as the most important thing until this song.

I think I've done a pretty good job of following God's plan so far. Granted, there have been times that I failed, but who hasn't? I think my biggest struggle now is not actually asking God what his plan for me is. It was easy when I was still in college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. God and I talked everyday about His plan and my frustration for not knowing it yet. But now, I've got a good job that I love, got a pretty great boyfriend, life is just kinda moving along and I'm falling into this trap that it's ok. Sloth, one of those lovely deadly sins. Just because God doesn't have any big life changing plans for me (or at least, I don't think He does) doesn't mean I should stop pursuing God's will for my life.

Dear Jesus,
I'm sorry I allowed myself to become pretty slothful. I'm going to try to fix that, with Your help of course! So just let me know what You want me to do. Here I am. Waiting for You.
Amen.

Katie's prayer: New Roman Missal Service Music

2011-12-10T18:44:00.001-06:00

When we eat this bread
and drink this cup
We proclaim your death O Lord
Until You come again.

Today begins week three with the New Roman Missal. Things are going pretty well. I have yet to make it through a Mass without making at least one mistake, but I'm sure that'll get better as time goes along. The one thing I've really realized is how often I'm mindlessly participating in the Mass (and thus, not really participating at all). All of the mistakes that I've made have happened when I wasn't paying attention. And my immediate realization that I messed up reminds me to pay attention. So I guess, all in all, these changes are a good thing for my spiritual life.

There is one change though, I'm still not so sure about and it has to do with the above service music. I can't remember what resource I saw it in (I'm thinking it was lifeteen's video for edge), but they made reference to the change in the Eucharistic prayers from "cup" to "chalice." "Cup" can refer to anything - the cup you used at breakfast this morning, etc. But "chalice" refers to a specific cup. Ok, I get that, I'm fine with it. But if we made the change in the Eucharistic prayer - why didn't we make the change in the service music? Why did that one stay as "cup"?

Katie's prayer: Mary Mary's "Can't Give Up Now"

2011-12-03T12:28:00.001-06:00

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

A few weeks ago, this was my theme song. Any time I sat down to work on NCYC stuff, I would put this song on repeat to remind me that it was almost over and I couldn’t give up. It worked, I survived and I didn’t give up. In the past 2 days, I’ve heard this song 2-3 times. Every time it popped up, I was reminded of my last minute NCYC hecticness and thanking God for helping me survive. It wasn’t until last night that I realized that maybe God was trying to send me different message from what this song meant for me during NCYC.

NCYC may be over, but my other jobs aren’t. I think there’s a part of me that just really needs a break after all the work these past few months. But Christmas break isn’t here just yet. The hard work isn’t over, in fact it’s really just beginning. I just can’t give up now.

Katie's prayer: Relient K's "Breakdown"

2011-11-06T22:15:00.000-06:00

I guess he can destroy everything that I enjoy.
But, I won't be the one he takes down.
No, I won't breakdown.

Tonight I had a teen confide some pretty serious stuff to me. It made me realize that you just never know what demons people are fighting. Sometimes, the news can be shocking. I think the most shocking part of tonight was realizing that a lot of the things this teen is struggling with are similar to things I struggled with in the past. It’s hurtful to know that I’m not the only one. I know what she’s feeling, and yet I don’t know what to tell her to help her. Because, really I don’t know how I helped myself get beyond it.

Tonight my prayer is donated to this teen... you know who you are. I pray that you are able to find relief from your struggles and temptations. I pray that you are able to find answers to all your “Why”s. I pray that you realize you are not a loser - even if it is God telling you that you are. Cause while God might not be wrong, sometimes our understanding of God’s voice is wrong.

Katie's prayer: Francesca Battistelli's "This is the Stuff"

2011-10-25T21:19:00.002-05:00

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff, someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust you know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
To break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world

Tonight’s song was very providentially picked. As I was driving into work, it came on, ending right as I reached the parking garage entrance. Because I love this song, I decided to start it over again so it would be the last song I heard before heading into work (thus the song that would be in my head half the day) and then be the first song I heard when I left for work. Little did I know that right before I’d leave work, I’d get some bad news... long, long story. Longer than most of you would be interested in. And probably a story I shouldn’t put in writing for the entire world to read.

As I was leaving, I was so focused on this problem. I start my car and hear the song, strategically starting at the refrain with ‘this is the stuff that drives me cray.’ How perfect. I just started laughing. Another God-coincidence. I immediately put the song on repeat because I knew the message God was sending me would not sink in fully after listening to it only once.

Tonight's prayer is just a thankful one for the things I do have. Yes, things are far, far from perfect. There are some problems that if I think about too hard, might make me cry. There’s nothing I can do to make this particular problem better, nothing I can do to fix it. But I think the beauty of this situation (that I realized after a few times of listening) it’s ok. Things are a mess and it’s ok. There’s got to be a reason. God’s trying to teach me patience, and maybe a little about attachment to material things, and maybe even how lucky have I am to have the problem I’m having because I at least have a job. Things could be a lot worse.

Dear God, I’m still not sure your reasoning behind this. I’m still not sure I’m ok with it. Help me to realize that it’s all ok, it’s not the end of the world, and that everything will work out just like everyone keeps telling me. Amen.

Katie's prayer: LFO's "Life is Good"

2011-10-21T16:23:00.001-05:00

So I know what you’re thinking... LFO isn’t a Christian artist, this isn’t a Christian song. I know. But as I was driving home from work, this song came on. It reminded me of yesterday’s prayer song. And I realized that yesterday’s song (and today’s song) really went with how my life went today (see actual prayer blog below). So because of this, and after talking about it with God, I think I’m going to change how I go about choosing the song for today. Instead of choosing at random a song at the beginning of the day, I’m just going to listen to all sorts of music throughout the day, and if one really speaks to me, I’ll blog about it and pray with it. Sometimes, that may mean it’s not a Christian song. But that’s ok. The point of this blog is not to get me more familiar with all the Christian songs in my itunes, but to pray more. And I feel this way will help me to pray more songs throughout the day instead of one song over and over again. We’ll see how well it goes. (: On to today’s prayer...

life is good, life is great
life is unbelievable
life is hard, life is cruel
life is so beautiful

Again, this song was similar to yesterday’s in the fact that it talks about how horrible life is and then immediately says life is beautiful. I’m not sure if I fully understood this yesterday. Yes, I understood that no matter how life goes, God still loves me. But today challenged me to think that no matter how hard my day is, life is still beautiful. And today was a hard day. It was the final deadline for NCYC registrations, as of this morning, I was still waiting on paperwork from 2 parishes but they were supposed to drop it off before I got in. I was expecting to go in and work for maybe 3 hours.

Well, only one of the parishes had their paperwork there. 3 hours of work quickly turned into 6 hours of work. There were more bumps in the day than I expected, more headaches, and more uses of the white out correction thing. And lucky me, it’s not over. After today, a lot of my stress is gone, but there’s different stress now. Stress about hotel rooms, and late fees, and t-shirt sizes, and hard rock cafe orders, and that phone call I know I’m going to get on Monday from a mean group leader, and what if what I turned in today wasn’t perfect, and what if it doesn’t get post marked by today, and what if I somehow failed in my job. Life is hard, life is cruel.

But praise God, today is Friday, the beginning of the weekend! Tonight’s a girls’ night, tomorrow a birthday party, and Sunday night off (a rare occurrence for me)! Life is beautiful. I’m working with a bunch of Catholics on this conference, so they’ve got to be forgiving if I mess up, right? And if I did mess up something, there’s no way I messed up that bad. I just have to survive this next month and then I’ll be able to really see that life is beautiful all the time!

Dear Jesus, help me make it through this next month!

Katie's prayer: Audio Adrenaline's "Good Life"

2011-10-20T22:49:00.002-05:00

Tonight’s song is a little interesting. The verses talk about not getting your way, things all going wrong. Then the refrain starts with “This is the good life.” Wait...what? The good life? Going by the verses, it doesn’t quite sound like a good life. Then the bridge comes...

What good would it be
If you had everything
But you wouldn't have
The only thing you need

And suddenly everything makes sense. All you need is Jesus. Who cares if I don’t always get my way? Who cares if I'm not super rich? Who cares if I’m not perfect? God still loves me, and that’s really all that matters.

Katie's prayer: Cheer Up Charlie's "Not Moving"

2011-08-04T23:29:00.001-05:00

A broken heart and life that’s willing

It’s almost Honest Friday, so time for some honesty. Today is really only the second time I’ve prayed with the prayanewsong method since my last post. Continuing to pray this way without the motivation behind people will know if I didn’t pray just wasn’t happening as planned. I was actually beginning to fool myself and think that I was ok with it. That I prayed other ways. Maybe my backing away was really God’s way of telling me it was time to move on completely from the project.

Then tonight happened. Tonight I was awakened to my horrible human ways. I went to a talk on lukewarmness. If you’ve never read anything from St. John Vianni on lukewarmness, you need to - very humbling stuff. What I read made me realize that maybe I wasn’t so great with God as I’ve fooled myself to believe. Maybe I really do have lots of work to do. And at one point in the talk, the speaker was saying that the devil likes to trick us into thinking that the praying all day method is enough. A second here, a minute there, always keeping God on your mind is enough. The speaker was saying that no, it’s not enough. You need to have time every day where you sit down and you actually pray. You don’t do anything else but pray. It’s not that the praying all day, while driving, while working, while doing whatever is wrong. It’s just that by itself, it is. And that’s when it hit me... prayanewsong was my time when I sat down and prayed, did nothing but pray. And without that, I was getting trapped in the praying all day method and thinking that it was ok. Almost even to the fact that I was going to give this up completely because I thought I was just fine without it.

Well tonight’s talk gave me lots to think about with how to change my life. One of those changes, that God made perfectly clear for me, was that I needed to get back to praying and just praying daily. But I still feel the need to keep some of my prayers private. It’s going to be difficult to get back into the habit of praying while still knowing that if I don’t want to, I don’t have to post it. But as Tom Hanks says in a League of their own - It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everybody would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.

Partial Good-Bye for Now

2011-07-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

I’ve been struggling a while with this prayer blog. Mainly because sometimes it feels more like a blog than like prayer. More often than not, I allow the fact that others will read this prayer to invade my thoughts and it alters my prayer. Sometimes I spend way more time than necessary because while I’m pretty sure I know what God’s trying to tell me, I’m also pretty sure it’s something I want to stay between me and God. Other times, I know I’m not able to blog and because of that, I give myself reason to not pray a song at all that day because if I’m not blogging about it, then why pray it? And I hate all these thoughts. Hate them. I try my best to stop them, but they just continue to creep back. Exhibit A: tonight’s prayer is one that is something that really needs to be just me and God, not everyone else. So I’m saying Good-Bye. Don’t worry, not forever. I may occasionally post one of my prayers, but I can guarantee it’s not going to happen every week-day. Thank you all for being great friends and understanding.

Katie's prayer: Afters' "Beautiful Love"

2011-07-14T23:05:00.001-05:00

Maybe a greater thing will happen
Maybe all will see
Maybe our love will catch like fire
As it burns through me

Isn’t this the whole purpose of life? To love as God loves. And it will spread to everyone until everyone loves like God loves. I feel as if I’m on the verge of getting sick, and I’m re-learning that when that happens, my patience level seems to disappear completely. It’s a lot harder to love like God loves when you have no patience for people. I’m trying, I really am. But, at least with one interaction today, I felt like they could tell I was having to try. And that’s not how it’s supposed to be. People are supposed to feel God’s love through me, not my forced interactions with them.

Dear Jesus, can you please help me to feel better soon. It’s beginning to mess with love Your children.

Katie's prayer: Winans Phase 2's "Who Do You Love"

2011-07-13T23:05:00.001-05:00

God’s much better than mad cheddar in Jamaica 

Not going to lie, the above line (along with a few others in the song) made me giggle a little. I read it and thought that where I got the lyrics from was obviously wrong, and was all prepared to start searching again for the real lyrics. Then I started listening to the song while reading. Guess what, they actually do sing this! But as I was thinking about how totally unexpected and odd these lyrics were, and reflecting on my day I realized some things.... Sometimes your day doesn’t go as planned. Sometimes things are a little odd. But in the end, it doesn’t mean it’s all that bad. Maybe even better than you expected. Dear Jesus, thank you for another wonderful day, full of surprises.

Katie's prayer: Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go"

2011-07-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

I love this song! It’s my go-to song whenever I’m having troubles. No matter what the troubles are, this song is there to remind me that God is with me throughout it all. Tonight my trouble is not a metaphorical storm (like in the song) but an actual storm. See, ever since my car got totaled by that baseball sized hail, every time it rains, I kinda freak out. I get paranoid. Is it going to happen again? And tonight, there’s a thunderstorm outside. I can’t hear any hail, and chances are, there won’t be any hail with this storm at all. But it doesn’t stop me from freaking out. But like tonight’s song reminds me, God’s with me through it all. And I didn’t complain about my car this time, so there’s no reason for Him to destroy this car. Dear God, help me to stop freaking out with every little storm, the real ones and the metaphorical ones.

Katie's prayer: Casting Crown's "Life of Praise"

2011-07-11T22:49:00.001-05:00

I will serve You, Lord always
For You are my strength when I am weak
And I will never be afraid
For You are my rock and You protect me

This past week was a very tiring week. I went from the float trip straight into the Totus Tuus mid-summer retreat straight into babysitting. Then back to regular work after only one day of rest. I’m still not sure how I survived. Especially after all the experiences that the float trip brought this year. I mean, all in all, the trip went well. However, there were some moments... let’s just say they really need to be told in person because typing them out would not do them justice (feel free to ask if you really want to know). I think the only way I really survived, and kept my cool through it all, was because I had God with me the entire time. Helping me to be strong. Dear God, thank You for being with me, not sure if I could have made it without you.

Katie's prayer: Kutless' "Let You In"

2011-07-05T23:20:00.002-05:00

That's why I can't say no again

Today, I got off work at 5, was supposed to meet up with friends at 7. Because of the location of work, where we were meeting and my apartment, it was pointless to go home. I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do during those 2 hours. I knew 45 minutes of it would be spent driving. I knew I’d have to stop to get sunscreen for tomorrow. But that leaves like an hour. While at the store, I had this wonderful idea - we were meeting at a Church, I could stop in their Adoration chapel and pray a little bit.

I knew this specific Church was sometimes locked up, and they had a little lock box thing so you could get in for Adoration, if you knew the code. So I texted a friend asking for the code. The Church was about a 20 minute drive from the store. Halfway there, I still hadn’t received a reply. So I started thinking of what I would do if it was locked. ‘I could just sit in my car with the windows down listening to music - yeah, that sounded good. You know, I think I might like that better.’ Immediately after having that last thought, I got the reply. I figured God must really want to talk to me.

Luckily, I didn’t need the code, it was open, and I was able to have some great Jesus time. Again, one of my better Adoration moments. I’m really glad I didn’t listen to that part of me that wanted to give up. I would have missed out on the best part of my day (no offense to those friends I spend the night hours with).