Polenth's Quill

Story at Everyday Weirdness

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:10:00 +0000

I have flash fiction up at Everyday Weirdness today. Yay!

Ten Easy Steps

Based on my previous post about stories as food, this story has definitely been marmite. Some markets were very close to taking it... others sent back 'what were you thinking!?' replies.

Inspired by Nature: The Index

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:05:00 +0000

'Inspired by Nature' is a series of posts about applying science to fantasy/science fiction world design. It mainly covers biological issues, with a focus on ecology.

This index will be updated whenever a new 'Inspired by Nature' post is written.

Skin Colour - Choosing realistic skin colours for humanoids. Basic concepts covered: Camouflage, warning colours, display colours, mimics.

Fungi - The role of fungi in invented ecosystems. Basic concepts covered: The difference between a producer and a consumer.

Blood-Sucking Insects - A bit about the blood-sucker niche.

Predators Attack - Why would a predator attack your characters?

Plant Physical Weaknesses - Giving your man-eating plants realistic weaknesses.

Inspired by Nature: Skin Colour

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:19:00 +0000

You decide to add some humanoid species to your fantasy world. Maybe they're a variant on humans, elves, goblins or something like that. Maybe they're not. What colour should they be?

Here are two ways to choose a colour that make ecologists cry:

You make them the same colour as you. This might work, but only if you're paying attention to their environment. Most fantasy authors don't... that's why you get pale elves living in the desert.
You choose your favourite colour. Again, this could work. But it takes a little thought about why they're that colour.

So how do you stop ecologists crying? You choose a colour based on the environment and lifestyle of your species. Not a colour that will leave people wondering why your elves haven't died from sun exposure yet.

Human Skin Tones

A species based closely on humans will probably share their skin colours. For humans, it's all about environmental adaptation. Dark skin protects against the sun. Light skin saves energy (as you're not using energy to make skin pigments), which is handy in less sunny areas, underground or for nocturnal species.

Recent migrants may not have the best skin for the area, but they'll soon adapt. Every generation will be a bit darker/lighter*.

All of this should be obvious, but it's clear some people need to be hit around the head with it like a wet trout. Don't say your pale-skinned elves have lived in the desert for aeons, without a very good reason for why they remained pale.

Tear-Worthy Examples: Drow have black skin, despite living underground and having no need for black skin. It's a cave. It's dark. It's not like anyone's going to see their skin. Nor are they going to get sunburn.

Camouflage

Just because humans don't have stripes, it doesn't mean it's impossible. I like stripey people.

Of course, we can't all be stripey. Different environments need different camouflage. A good rule of thumb is to make land animals brownish and sea animals silver/greyish. Spots and stripes are more common in forest areas - plainer patterns are more common in open areas**.

Part of the art of camouflage isn't about the environment though. It's about why you're hiding. Consider what eats your species or what your species hunts. How well can it see colour and movement? How good does the camouflage really need to be? Let's suppose you're hiding from something with poor colour vision. Suddenly it might be okay to be an orange cat in a green jungle.

Tear-Worthy Examples: Goblins are usually green, while living in caves or rocky places outside. The same goblins stalk human adventurers. Humans have good colour vision and carry lights, so being bright green against the rocks is not a good idea.

Bright Colours

Lots of animals are very bright colours, and not because they live in Neon-Dayglow Land where everything is fluorescent. Bright colours are often like wearing a badge saying "Eat Me, I'm Stupid" (the examples where they're not are discussed in the next section).

In many birds, it's the males who are bright. They use the colours to attract the female. Bright colours are part of a display showing a male is healthy (and quite good at not getting eaten). It's worth noting that where sexes vary, the camouflaged bird is the one who does the lions (eagles?) share of the egg and chick care. The bright one is the one competing for an egg/chick raiser. This won't be the female in every species.

Other reasons can include general communication and species/family recognition. In those cases, you'd expect both sexes to share the colours.

Of course, there's a way to have the best of both worlds. Cuttlefish are a neutral colour most of the time, but are able to change colour rapidly in order to communicate***.

Tear-Worthy Examples?: Honestly, there aren't many brightly-coloured fantasy races. Let alone ones which have mucked up which members of the society get the colours. So the example here is the lack of example. I want to see colour-changing elves.

Warning Colours

There is a time when bright colours aren't a death sentence, but a sign warning others that you're a tough cookie. Wasps are striped to warn of their sting, snakes have numerous patterns to warn of their bite and ladybirds are spotted to warn that they taste foul.

Warning patterns are usually bright colours contrasted with dark colours, such as stripes, diamonds or spots. Much like camouflage, consider who is receiving the warning. The warnees must have reasonable eyesight. There's no point in having warning colours if you're trying to warn a giant carnivorous snail - they don't see well enough.

Tear-Worthy Examples?: Humanoid races with toxic stings or bites aren't very common. Ones that taste bad enough to spit out are even more uncommon. Odd really, considering all the giant predators in fantasy books. You'd think those squishy humanoids might evolve something like this.

Mimics

This isn't a set colour-scheme, but a strategy that might make things interesting. Imagine a predator who doesn't try to camouflage. Instead, it looks just like a male with his mating colours.

Or a highly non-toxic elf, who is striped like the bad-to-eat toxic goblins living next door. The next time the dragon goes looking for snacks, it'll eat the local humans instead.

Taste the Rainbow

These categories obviously overlap. Light camouflage colours will need to be on a layer over the skin (such as fur colour) in a sunny area, but could be the skin colour in less sunny areas. Mating colours still need to offer adequate sun protection, so pastels won't do in the sun.

A good process is to choose your environment first. Then add in any colour differences based on lifestyle.

Go forth... make fantasy a bit more colourful.

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* This means the speed of adaptation will be slower for long-lived species who have children later in life (looking at you elves). Will this species be able to survive long enough to adapt, or will their spread be limited by their slow adaptation? You can go with either, but it's handy to think about it.

** If you're thinking 'aha, zebra!', know that they're a slightly different example. There are various theories, some of which aren't about camouflage at all. One of the most entertaining (from the story point of view) is that zebra are camouflaged against other zebra. As long as your species lives in huge, tightly packed, groups... this one could be for you.

*** I upset a cuttlefish once. It turned angry dark brown and glared at me. All I did was point at it. Never point at a cuttlefish.

Twittering the Sparrows

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:32:00 +0000

I don't post lists of my weekly tweets. Most wouldn't make sense if you weren't there (I reply to others a fair bit). However, I have been keeping a list for awhile of my most popular tweets. These are the ones that cause comment, get retweeted, included on blog posts and generate direct messages/emails.

Whenever you see articles about Twitter, they tell you to post stuff people want to read. This is usually interpreted as being original stuff, commenting on current events and telling people how to use Twitter. Things like pets, food and what's happening on Twitter are listed as bad topics. This hasn't been my experience... as you can probably figure out from my most populars.

(Comments on the tweets are in brackets.)

The Tweets

Ate a chocolate with real gold on top. The gold didn't taste of anything, but I can say 'I ate gold'. Now I'm sparklie on the inside. 09:34 PM Aug 16th, 2008

~*~

I have fruit gums shaped like their flavour. The shapes include oranges, bananas, pineapples... and palm trees. I wondered at the last one. 11:31 PM Nov 2nd, 2008

Fruit gum update: No, the palms trees aren't coconut. I think they're palm leaf flavour. Then I found red ones shaped like birds... 12:03 AM Nov 3rd, 2008

(I didn't make this up. Those were some strange sweets.)

~*~

@panhistoria I follow me to remind myself to post, because once I realise myself has not updated, I tell me to prod myself to write a post. 2:31 AM Nov 10th, 2008 in reply to panhistoria

(Replies based on replies are less common now, as Twitter changed who could see them.)

~*~

Tapioca pearls looks like little jellied eyeballs. You can eat them with that eyeball "Ew" feeling, whilst knowing they're plant based. 3:57 AM Jan 5th, 2009

~*~

When I switched on my fishtank light this morning, two baby fishes were peering at me. 5:41 AM Jan 10th, 2009

(Became this post: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/02/eating-your-baby-projects-fishy-tale.html

To finish the story, all four babies survived to adulthood.)

~*~

Much as I think fish are cuties, calling them sea kittens is bizarre. Will spiders become silk kittens? You wouldn't squish a kitten. 11:34 PM Jan 13th, 2009

(Became this post: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/01/save-silk-kittens.html)

~*~

Hatched from an egg, ate lots of sugar, got me a paperclip hoard. Still searching for the ultimate paperclip. My world is purple. #MyStory Jan 30th, 2009

(#MyStory is a tag for putting your life story in one tweet. I was inspired by the number starting "I was born". I didn't see anyone who claimed to be artificially created in a lab, but that is a bit long when you've only got 140 characters.)

~*~

Replies come and go / Whale watching from the strandline / Twitter addict mourns Apr 5th, 2009

(I probably should have tagged this #haiku, but I didn't. Written during one of Twitter's flakey times.)

~*~

I don't hold follower contests, but if I did, it'd be for the 942nd follower. Follower 942 never gets any love. May 1st, 2009

(Many people give out gifts to the 1000th follower and so forth. I'm not convinced this really works, as you want people to follow you for being you... not because you're giving them presents.)

~*~

Ordered some predatory mites for the cockroach! It's a bit like buying a flea collar for a cat. Only more mitey and organic. 7:16 PM May 19th, 2009

(This one sparked a conversation because people didn't understand what I meant - that the mites were to clean the cockroach, not that the mites killed the cockroach. It didn't lead to a post, but if you'd like to see my roach, here he is in all his roachy glory: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/05/cleaning-out-cockroach-tank.html)

~*~

Thing said to a friend that sound odd out of context: "Coconuts aren't steampunk" 2:18 AM May 22nd, 2009

~*~

@SarahReads If I lived in a fantasy world, I'd be a turnip farmer. 12:24 AM May 28th, 2009 in reply to SarahReads

~*~

Ouch. I've got honey in my eyes. My vision's all blurry. 1:21 AM May 28th, 2009

(From the responses, I discovered that most people have never had honey in their eyes, so I suppose this one did come across as original. I don't suggest putting things in your eyes to have something original to tweet about.)

~*~

@VirtualLee The only time I tried to use 'Down for everyone or just me', their site was down for me. 2:22 AM Jun 2nd, 2009 in reply to VirtualLee

~*~

Twitter doesn't want to list my new followers/followees. Maybe it's sulking. Or the fail whale ate them, like digital krill. 9:51 PM Jun 3rd, 2009

~*~

From a fly paper packet: "contains 3 attractive fly killer strips". You couldn't kill them with ugly strips after all. 3:21 PM Jul 10th from web

(Fun fact: We have to use fly papers because of my pets. Fly sprays would kill my cockroach, snails and fish.)

~*~

I made my eyes into Second Life eyes. Now people can stare at me with my own eyes! It's my own personal horror story. 12:47 AM Jul 22nd

~*~

Twitter claimed I had -1 followers. I wonder what a negative follower is like? Other dimensions? 11:11 AM Jul 23rd, 2009

~*~

I have a Hallowe'en balloon, with helium inside and a spider on the outside. The reverse doesn't work so well. 9:16 PM Oct 16th, 2009

~*~

Spam Title: "Are you still alive/dead?" Reply: Yep, still dead and planning the zombie apocalypse. 3:06 AM Oct 22nd, 2009

~*~

If Animal Crossing sold an e-reader, it'd be called the Nook. More memory available for only 19800 bells. 11:51 PM Oct 22nd, 2009

(I think the responses to this one proved that other people don't take the Nook seriously as a name either... and this was a current event, so I do mention them sometimes.)

Conclusions

Generally people replied to things they found funny (even when I was in pain, like the honey incident... you meanies). The list is somewhat skewed to funny because I didn't include responses to content links (like blog posts), which tend to generate more serious replies.

But you don't need anyone to tell you how to link to a blog post... it's the tweets inbetween which get people worrying about being the most original thing since sliced bread. My experience has been it isn't about what you're talking about. It's about how you say it. People already know voice is important for stories and articles. It shouldn't be news that it's important for Twitter too.

Now if only I can convince social media experts that voice is the thing...

The Weakest Link

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:23:00 +0000

One of my family brought a new pair of speakers at the local supermarket. A simple task, apart from one thing... they're paranoid about people stealing electronic goods. Even large goods that you can't exactly hide.*

This means they put two security tags in each box. Or three. Or a dozen. Inevitably, the staff sometimes miss one when you're paying for the product.

So our speakers set off the alarm at the security barrier. After this we...

Opened the box.
Removed the speakers.
Rummaged around for the tag.
Removed the tag.
Put the speakers back in the box.
Handed the tag to a checkout person.
Went through the security barriers again.

All in full view of the staff. No one asked to see our receipt.

As usual, it's the humans mucking things up. It'd be a lovely security system without them. If I were a security barrier, I'd be crying right now.

-

* I suppose you could pretend you're pregnant, but not many unborn babies are square.**

** This is an assumption of course. If your baby was square, let me know. I blame eating too many food cubes.

Writing Diary: Return of the Monster

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:46:00 +0000

The blog's been a bit quiet as I've had non-writing related things to finish up. I aim to be clear by November, when I'll be blogging more and doing NaNoWriMo*

Writerly Stuffs

I've had a few bits and bobs published since last time (see recent blog posts). My dog poem was the most viewed on Every Day Poets in one of the months, so there's also a little interview with me coming up soon about my poetriness**.

My other submissions have been down a bit as I've been busy, so not much else on the horizon so far.

NaNoWriMo

As mentioned last year, I plan to write short stories rather than a traditional novel. My aim is to write a novel-in-stories about colonies on Jupiter's moons (a hard science fiction type of thingy). Though I will include any random stories that don't fit the theme in the wordcount***.

My buddy list was getting a bit long, so I've removed anyone who didn't love me****. I'll do a further cull of people who aren't taking part this year (once it's started obviously). If I removed you by mistake, prod me. Or if you add me all fresh and new, prod me*****. It can be tricky to spot new names with their buddy system.

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* For those who hate NaNoWriMo, never fear... I blog about other stuff during it as well. You can just ignore all the evil NaNo stuff. Apart from the monster.

** I think it'll be some time in November.

*** Last year I wrote a novelette about rabbits, which was nothing to do with the actual novel. But it's better than copy/pasting 'I am a fish' multiple times. At least it's a story.

**** Translated: Anyone who hadn't buddied me back. I gave 'em two years.

***** My NaNoWriMo profile is here: Polenth's NaNo

Everyman Characters and Peaceful Fish

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:39:00 +0000

I've seen complaints before about everyman or everywoman characters. Those complaints are usually that they're boring. Why write about an average person when you can write about a superhero with laser beam eyes and a dinosaur pet!*

And it reminds me of a funny complaint from a new fishkeeper. He'd brought a number of fish labelled as 'peaceful community fish'. The first thing they did when he put them in the tank? They started fighting.

The fish were from the tetra and danio group. They have a dominance hierarchy, so the fights were to decide who was the boss fish. They're harmless posturing usually.

'Peaceful' meant they didn't attack and kill other fish... not that the fish were mindless blobs who'd swim around the tank ignoring all the other fish.

In the same way, being an average sort of person doesn't mean a character has less personality than a sack of potatoes. Everyday people have goals, quirks and things that make them interesting. They're only boring if you make them like the imaginary peaceful fish... just there to swim around aimlessly.

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* Not that these things aren't nifty. I'd like a pet dinosaur.

Story at Every Day Fiction

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:43:00 +0000

I haven't posted for awhile, but I'm not dead. Yay! This is just a short post to let you know that other than my aliveness, I have a story up at Every Day Fiction. I call this "literary with speculative vibes", but I'm sure there's probably a better name.

Carousel Princess

Dog Poem at Every Day Poets

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 07:10:00 +0000

I've got a poem up at Every Day Poets today! It's a light-hearted poem, so no sadness warnings this time:

The Dog's Complaint

I have a strong urge to post relevant lolcats, but I'm resisting.

Ben Nevis and Beyond (Photos)

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:41:00 +0000

In the tradition of 'what is an easy thing to post about when I've just got home and I'm braindead?', here are a few photographs of Scotland. I was staying in Fort William, a small town near Ben Nevis (the tallest mountain in the UK). There were many hills and lakes.

I call these fluffies. I'll figure out what they really are by the time I put the photo in my Nothing. But they'll always be fluffies to me. It's like a fairytale flower. There were fields of them, in all their fluffy glory.

Because some have grumbled about lack of photos of me, here's one of me on top of Ben Nevis. Yes, I'm wearing a bandit mask. I figured it'd be a possible career option to pay for writing*.

Though the family joked it could be my author trademark to only have photos showing the upper part of my face, it's actually because the ones showing all of me didn't come out very well.

We also went on the Hogwarts Express! In a manner of speaking. I went on 'The Jacobite' service, run by West Coast Railway. This train company is the one that provided the steam train for the Harry Potter movies. The route was also used for some scenes in the films.

More photos should appear on my website at some point. I also have a video in the making, as I took a few wildlife videos (including a seagull chick, from a pair who decided the railway line was a great place to put a nest).

-

* Or I was wearing it because the air was cold. You can decide.

I'm Gone (Till Mid-June)

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:33:00 +0000

I'm going to Scotland...

In light of news stories about people tweeting their awayness and getting burgled, I'll add this doesn't mean all my family is away. Don't try to burglarise them! The lights are on because someone is home.

For everyone else, I won't have 'net access. I'm here for a few more hours after posting this. Then the blog will be sleeping, comments will wait to be moderated and so on. You're welcome to leave comments for when I get back.

I'll try and remember my phone, so I will be able to tweet. I don't get @replies on my phone though*, so it'll be a one way conversation (but at least you'll know I'm alive).

See you soon with scenic photos. I'm also taking some reading books and my notebook computer, so I might get some writerly stuff done.

-

* Not my fault. There were issues with UK phone companies not wanting to cut Twitter a deal on delivering replies.

Who Are Book Recommendations For?

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:07:00 +0000

A recurring joke in comedies is the person who buys unsuitable birthday presents. They'll give something they want, but the birthday boy/girl will hate (sometimes in the hope of ending up with the discarded present). Whether due to lack of empathy or selfishness, the result is the same: the present will be a disappointment.

The same thing happens with book recommendations. Many people wanting recommendations give a set of criteria. It could be as broad as a genre or as narrow as a specific element in the story. Whatever it is, the asker has decided that's what they want. The logical thing would be to give it to them.

Yet time and again, some people recommend the same few books in response to every request. It doesn't matter if it matches the criteria or not (and they won't warn the asker if the books don't match). Some examples I've seen are recommending...

...a mainstream young adult book to someone looking for adult fantasy.
...a book with a sad ending to someone who wanted happy endings.
...a book with a rape scene to someone looking for books without sexual content for their child.
...a fantasy without dragons to someone looking for dragon stories.
...a book with a ground-based main character, when asked for books where the main character could fly.

That's not to say your favourites can't be offered as a recommendation, but they need to be filtered based on the criteria given. A cat story is not a suitable offering when someone wants a dog story.

The way to avoid being that kind of recommender is to stop and ask: why am I recommending this? Is it because it's your favourite book and you couldn't possibly imagine someone hating it, despite not matching the criteria? If so, don't recommend it.

Is it because they wanted books about dogs and this one is about wolves? If so, you might recommend it with a note that it's about wolves instead of dogs. There's no harm in recommending something that's close, but not quite, as long as you explain it. Give the asker enough information to decide whether it's close enough to what they wanted.

Is it because it meets the criteria? If so, recommend it! You can't guarantee that the asker will like it, but at least you've tried to give them what they wanted.

...and for those asking for recommendations (especially if it is for a child and you want to avoid certain content), be wary of what you receive. Some people are guaranteed to give you a disappointing present.

Cleaning out a Cockroach Tank

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:53:00 +0000

Time spent cleaning tank: 10 minutes.
Time spent removing cockroach from tank in order to clean: 20 minutes.

He would not move. He clung to the side of the tank so I couldn't lift him. Sensible cockroaches lay on the soil (allowing them to be scooped up), but not this one.

I tried my usual trick of prodding him till he walks onto a piece of card in front of him. He's getting wise to this, and simply squished up his back end without moving the front.

Eventually, I managed to get him to walk forward, one slow step at a time. Once on the card, he promptly trundled onto my hand and went for an explore. I've learnt before that he'll only go on my hand after he's lost the I-want-to-stay-in-the-tank-sleeping battle. I suppose once the battle is lost, he doesn't see any reason to hold a grudge.

Once the cleaning was done, I had no problem getting him back in the tank. The new tank met with his approval and he snuggled up under his new cardboard house.

At least I only have to clean the tank once every six months... a single cockroach doesn't make a whole lot of mess.

Star Trek Review - I Like Vulcans!

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Sun, 24 May 2009 22:26:00 +0000

This post starts without spoilers. Then there's the spoiler part. So if you haven't seen the movie, don't read past the spoiler warning. The comments/replies may also contain spoilers.

Unspoilery Opinion

Overall, I really liked the movie. It was generally well-paced (though a bit rushed in places... I get the impression there were some things they wanted to explain, but didn't get time to include the scenes).

The casting was excellent. As a big Spock fan, I was pleased they chose a good actor. Having seen a picture of the guy in an interview, I also sympathise about the eyebrows. He's got some majorly bushy eyebrows, and it must have been torture to wax/remove the things for the part. I wince for the eyebrows.

The science was terrible, but I've never really watched Star Trek expecting hard science fiction. Even so, I'd have liked a bit of technobabble for some of the elements.

I'd suggest going to see it if you're a Star Trek fan or a fan of soft science fiction. But if you like your science harder than diamond, it's going to make you cry.

*** Beyond this point, spoilers roam ***

Spoilery Opinion

Though I liked it overall, there were things I didn't like. The biggest was destroying Vulcan. Though a genuine emotional tearjerker for a long-time Star Trek fan with a thing about Vulcan, it leaves me wondering what place Vulcans will have in the future of this film series. Will it just be Spock, or will they introduce plotlines about the new colony?

The science I would have liked a hand-wave for was the black hole. It obviously wasn't a normal black hole, yet they spoke about it as though it was one. It was so unlike a black hole that my usual feeling of dread watching black holes didn't surface. Couldn't they have given it another name? Called it an unknown something-or-other? Another name for the phenomenon would have gone a long way, because it wouldn't make me say "wait a minute... black holes don't do that".

Complaints aside, there were bits I really loved. I do like the fact this is an official alternate timeline. We can still enjoy the original timeline, Vulcan and all (and I may do so when the Star Trek Online game comes out, as that will be set in the original timeline. Guess what race I'd play?). It was fun seeing what bits had changed and what stayed the same.

I liked that they expanded Uhura's role, as I was a fan of her character in the original series. The romance with Spock made sense (she's intelligent, dedicated and generally controlled... a match with a Vulcan/human makes more sense than Kirk). It was also well-handled. In public it was mostly subtle stuff. In private, Spock obviously had issues relaxing and showing affection, despite it being clear they'd been involved for some time. The whole thing was very believable.

The Vulcan bullying was excellent. Along with using 'live long and prosper' like a swear word. You'd got to love the reserved expressions of emotion. And I want one of those learning pod things form the Vulcan school. Imagine playing games on one of those.

For Others

Have you seen the film? If no, the spoiler warnings are tutting at you. If yes, did you like/hate it?

Short Storyist Diary: Food!

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:34:00 +0000

Submission News

Since my last ramble about poetry, I've sold two poems to Every Day Poets: 'The Dog's Complaint' (humour) and 'Snowman' (not humour). I don't know the publication dates, but I'll post here when they go up.

I'm currently meeting my target of writing two new stories/poems a month. I was a bit behind earlier in the year, but the extra time since becoming jobless means I've caught up. Yay!

Now onto the rambling...

What Food is Your Story?

This came up talking to my beta reader about recent rejections. I commented that one of my stories was like marmite, but I wanted the next one to be more like ice cream (because I'd like to sell it). This led to a general ramble about the foods different stories can be. Here are a few I came up with...

Rotten Tomatoes - You can eat them, if you don't mind being sick. These are the ones you'll end up composting some day, rather than continuing to submit them. No is trying to write a rotten tomato, but it happens.
Marmite - A common food in England, marmite is brown sludge with a strong taste. It's advertised as people either loving it or hating it. People don't tend to like it unless they're already used to it, so these stories are great for fans. Not so good for random magazine editors.
Food Cubes - Referencing the previous post on science fiction ideas, food cubes are comfortable and familiar. A food cube story will make use of cliches and tropes. But with the right seasoning, these stories can be entertaining.

There's a general feel against food cubes in the modern short story market, but not in the novel market. Personally, I see food cubes as a way of bringing in new readers. You have to get people familiar with the basics first.
Ice Cream - Most people like ice cream. It's a delicate blend of tasty writing and originality, without being too out there. I wish I wrote more ice cream stories.
Creamy Mashed Sprout with Chocolate Topping and Mushroom Sprinkles - Some markets specialise in experimental stories. I've written some, but I don't go dark enough for most of those markets.
Mashed Potato - It's nice, but it tends to go better with things. You wouldn't want to eat too much on its own. The humble vignette comes in this category. Often they'd work better as a description within a longer story, though that's not always the case. A well-done vignette can be interesting to read (as long as there isn't too much of it).

Overall, I write too many marmite stories, with a few food cubes mixed in. The day I figure out the recipe for ice cream will be a happy one.

What sort of the food are the stories you write/like to read?

Five Story Fragments

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Sun, 10 May 2009 04:41:00 +0000

I've lost a story. I can't think how, other than saving it in the wrong place, but it's gone. In the process of searching, I opened up everything I didn't recognise in my idea file.

Despite my memory, there were things I'd forgotten. Strange, fragmentary things, with no apparent story attached. Maybe these will become stories someday. Maybe they'll always stay in the 'what was I thinking?' category. Either way, here they are for your bemusement...

1) Hero's Shadow

"The hero moves through the street, silent as a shadow. He stops, turns and glares at me."

"Will you cut it out? This is a stealth operation."

[I actually had a brief story outline for this one.]

2) Door

The Evil Lord of Balthoss smashed a hole in the door. I wouldn't have minded so much, if I hadn't been the door. I hope he got splinters.

[I think I was having a door appreciation day. They do get smashed down on a frequent basis. Besides, when was the last time you saw a door as a main character? Inanimate object discrimination.]

3) Warning

The holonet ought to come with warnings. I don't want to see a pro-gamma five kissing an epsilon one. It's not natural, choosing one of your quad outside your normal gender alignment. You've got forty-two other genders to choose from. What's the fascination with the remaining fifty three?

[This is what you get for letting a science fiction writer read anti-gay propaganda.]

4) Octopus Melon

Octopus loved to make melon pies
With cream on the top and jellyfish eyes.

[It's for children. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.]

5) Dancing Spiders

Dancing spiders. Dancing spiders everywhere.

[I have no idea. None. Maybe it was late?]

If you're a writer, now is the time to release those idea oddities onto an unsuspecting world.

A Story in Ten Sentences

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Wed, 06 May 2009 18:14:00 +0000

Fantasy Magazine is running a micro fiction contest. The contest involves writing a ten sentence story from a picture prompt (picture of your choice, as long as Fantasy can publish it).

Here are the details: Fantasy Micro Fiction Contest

Go forth! Write stories!

Wild Honey Bee Swarm (Photos)

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Fri, 01 May 2009 02:02:00 +0000

Some of the honey bees are swarming in the local woodland. Given the decline of bees, it's nice to see. It's also fun watching people fleeing the bees for no reason (it's not like the bees care about people being there... they're too busy doing their swarming thing to sting anyone. I was standing right in the middle of the swarm and I wasn't stung).

They were a little high up. If they come down lower before heading off to their new abode, I'll try and get some better close-ups.

Unlike my usual photo posts, these are linked... click on them for the bigger version.

(I've also put a movie on YouTube: Watch Bees!)

Five Popular Science Fiction Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:06:00 +0000

I often search for new friends on social networks, using various keywords related to my interests. That's not a surprise. More of a surprise are the results for 'science fiction'. It brings up many people who aren't interested in science fiction. They've simply mentioned it, usually in the context of "I wish [insert thing] had happened, like science fiction promised!"

So what are the top ideas that everyday non-science fiction people would like to see? From least popular to most...*

5) Food Cubes - The idea of a tasteless cube/pill dealing with your daily food needs is a bit of a niche desire. The food cubes are the wistful want of the very busy person, who can't be bothered to cook dinner that day.

Cube shaped food seems more popular than pills, sheets, wafers, drinks or other forms of easy-to-eat food. Perhaps food manufacturers should take note, because there aren't that many cube-shaped foods**.
4) Clones - Wouldn't life be so much easier if you had a clone to do the boring bits, like going to work? It doesn't really work like that, but this is the hope of the overworked person. The main flaw in the plan is a clone of you is unlikely to enjoy working anymore than you do.
3) Housework Robots - Most common chores that get "I wish I had a robot" are laundry and hoovering. Things like decorating and gardening get less complaint, though it seems that many gardeners don't like mowing their lawns (we dealt with this at my house by removing most of the grass).
2) Personal Jetpacks - Never worry about parking again! It also means you can cut out the inconvenient walk from the house to the car. The biggest downside is what happens if you forget to buy enough fuel for your trip.
1) Flying Cars - The clear winner is the flying car. It's more popular than the personal jetpack. Probably because most people are a little cautious about the idea of flying that high without a protective covering. And partly because people get very attached to their cars.

The trend is clear... people tend to remember and discuss science fiction ideas that directly relate to their everyday lives. Perhaps I need to start writing more stories about easing the domestic burden (or need to walk), in order to lure in new science fiction fans. Certainly I shall remember the fascination with cubes.

-

* No, I didn't do this survey very scientifically. This is the soft science fiction of the survey world.

** You do get those little cubes in Dolly Mixtures though. I like those.

Cultural Appropriation in Fiction: Mutant Message

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:09:00 +0000

Cultural appropriation is an issue close to my heart, due to my tendency to write stories set all over the place. I don't intend to hurt people, but good intentions are as common as dandelions. The issue is how to go about writing such a story in an ethical way.

Most discussions talk about this in an abstract way. That wasn't good enough for me. I wanted details, which meant I needed case studies. I found one for 1p on Amazon: "Mutant Message Down Under" by Marlo Morgan. The story is about the time Marlo allegedly spent with Australian Aboriginal people. This book is the poster child for ways to misrepresent another culture.

In this post, I've included some background information about cultural appropriation. Then it's full steam ahead with reviewing the book's content, with a view to the cultural appropriation issues*... I recommend placing any beverages firmly on the mat during that part. Don't say I didn't warn you.

What is Cultural Appropriation?

Cultural appropriation is a common cultural process. Humans see useful or desirable things in other cultures and they make them their own. This has been going on for all recorded history and probably the unrecorded bits too. Some cultures are melting pots of bits and pieces from everywhere.

This is another way of saying, appropriation isn't always bad. It doesn't automatically harm the cultures involved. The trouble tends to come when the appropriation...

Silences or replaces the voices of member of that culture.
Misrepresents the culture. Coupled with the fact they're silenced, this becomes the mainstream view of that culture.
Leads to profit for the appropriator, whilst members of the originating culture get nothing. This one is particularly noticeable when members of the culture live in poverty.

Outside of this, appropriation might make people grumpy, but the long term results aren't the same. If I wrote a story claiming that all Japanese people wear clogs, it's not going to have a long term effect on the culture or economy of Japan. If I wrote the same about Australian Aboriginal people, I'm sure I could get some people believing me.

Mutant Message Synopsis

Marlo Morgan is an American woman. She visits Australia and helps a group of Aboriginal youths (who she refers to as 'half-breeds') set up a business making window screens (an item she says she introduced to Australia). They need her help, because they're inherently lazy. And white Australians are too racist to try and help, believing Aborignal people to be lazy and worthless.

Far across the country, a tribe with no interaction with the modern world hear about her window screens. They're impressed. I'm not sure why, because they don't live in houses and therefore have no windows**. Or how they heard about it in the desert. But anyway, they invite her to visit them.

She accepts the offer, assuming they're going to offer her an award for her window-screening. Instead, they kidnap her and burn all her possessions. They tell her she's going with them on a journey across Australia lasting three months. So off she goes, as a very pale person with no sun protection and little clothing, over the Australian desert. She doesn't collapse from heat exhaustion or sun stroke.

The Real People (as they call themselves) call her 'mutant' and think she must be from outer space. They teach her the power of telepathy and show her special healing powers which heal bones overnight. Oddly, they don't teach her much about real Aboriginal culture... mostly they live with this strange mix of New Age and Native American beliefs***.

During this time, Marlo teaches them some of her own stuff. Like explaining cake. The Real People have an interesting view of cake:

I found their analogy of icing extremely powerful. It seemed to symbolize how much time, in the one-hundred-year Mutant [non-Aborignal] life span, is spent in artificial, superficial, temporary, decorative sweetened pursuits.

After all the walking and New Age philosophy is done, she's cut loose and sent home. She's sent with a message for the world... that the Real People are dying out through choice because the world is such an icky place. They couldn't tell people the message themselves, for reasons which aren't explained, seeing as they have a person who speaks English.

Breaking Down the Issues

Based on my reading of the book, I've highlighted the main problems (in my opinion). They cover most of the things a writer is likely to get wrong, so I think they could be re-used as a 'things not to do' for other work and other cultures.

1) Making People Shells
Marlo's tribe may have called themselves Real People, but they didn't act like them. They didn't have personalities, best friends, lovers... all the things that make a community a community rather than a hive mind. They were empty shells, ready to be filled with whatever the author needed at the time. They spoke with her words.

2) Reinforcing Stereotypes
Many negative stereotypes were reinforced, particularly in relation to the urban Aboriginal people. They were lazy and unable to motivate themselves on their own. They weren't 'proper' Aboriginals in Marlo's eyes.

The Real People were unable to speak for themselves. They needed a white woman to be their spokesperson--another common stereotype used for hunter-gatherer people.

Then there's the positive stereotypes... the idea of the 'noble savage', with advanced healing powers and an inability to lie. Though positive stereotypes can seem less harmful on the surface, they're not. An example is the issue of healthcare. On average, Aboriginal people have poorer health and shorter lifespans than other Australians. They don't have the same access to healthcare. Marlo's stereotype would have you believe there isn't a problem and therefore nothing needs to be done about it.

3) The Author's Worldview as the Culture's Worldview
Marlo's worldview came from a belief in New Age philosophies. So the Aboriginal people in her story believed these things too. She didn't show any Aboriginal beliefs that might conflict with her worldview, such as the traditional gender roles (which would have prevented her from doing a number of things in the book).

It suited Marlo's worldview to have the tribe dying out on purpose (by having no more children) because they're appalled by the state of the world. This isn't the worldview of real Aboriginal people, who aren't trying to wipe themselves out as a political statement. This also leads back to the problem of pretending a problem isn't a problem (i.e., if their numbers decline it's because they want to die out, not because conditions are bad and need improving).

4) Errors in Cultural Depiction
It's unlikely that you could write a book about another culture without making mistakes. But the level of 'mistake' in this book shows a general lack of research. Marlo bolted in lots of Native American culture (such as dream catchers and feathered head-dresses) as well as some New Age ideas (which seem to be the ones she wanted to promote).

5) Culture out of Context
Marlo's book shows ritual dances used as an entertainment for her. This would be like a story where someone wears a wedding dress to go grocery shopping. Just like the wedding dress, you'd expect some sort of explanation for the out-of-context behaviour.

6) Promoting Fiction as Fact
The book was technically a novel, but the introduction clearly states it's only a novel to protect the identity of the Real People. Marlo claimed it was a real experience in later interviews and talks. Despite the falsehood being uncovered (discussed in more detail later), many readers still believe it was true.

Even in a book clearly marked as fiction, there can be issues. If you've written an urban fantasy set in modern-day Australia, readers are likely to assume you've based your Aboriginal characters on their real culture. They're less likely to assume that if it's set in a mystical land far away.

7) Acting as a Spokesperson
Writing a story does not make you the representative of that culture. It doesn't make your voice more important than theirs. Marlo rubbed salt into the wounds by giving talks and setting herself up as a spokesperson. She seemed to be relying on people from the culture being silent and not having a way to complain.

Though most people wouldn't consider doing something that extreme, there is a more common issue in setting yourself up as an expert: defensiveness. It's easy to admit to a mistake when you're a learner. It's not so easy to admit it when you've claimed to be an expert****.

8) Profiting from Appropriation
I've seen it suggested that authors should considering donating money to the cultural inspiration. It's worth considering in this case, the Aboriginal people weren't objecting to missing out on a share of the profit. They were objecting to Marlo profiting from misrepresentation. The principle is the larger issue here (which isn't to say the donating idea is a bad one... it just doesn't make up for misrepresenting a culture).

What Happened Next?

The book made its way to Australia. Then something happened that Marlo probably didn't expect... Aboriginal people read it and started asking questions. Who were the Real People? Why did their culture bear little resemblance to any other group in that area? Details of the book were sent out to Aboriginal groups across Australia, trying to find out the truth. None of them had heard of Marlo.

Marlo eventually admitted that she'd made it up and apologised to a group of Aboriginal Elders. The full story is detailed in a report by Dumbartung (a group responsible for promoting Aboriginal art and protecting the rights of Aboriginal artists). However, she continued to tour and released a second book, so the apology didn't really mean anything.

Conclusions

In a world where Aboriginal people were writing in every genre, Mutant Message would be irrelevant. It wouldn't have any real impact and most people would realise it was made up. But we're not living in that world, and that's why the appropriation hurt. For many readers, this book was their first introduction to Aboriginal culture... and it wasn't a good one.

It didn't help that the apology got less publicity than the book, allowing Marlo to continue with her lectures and publish a sequel. This example highlights why cultural appropriation is such a sensitive issue. Marlo's inaccurate version of Aboriginal culture is better known than the real thing. In the end, she isn't the one who has to worry about the fall-out from the misinformation. That falls squarely on the Australian Aboriginal people... it's perhaps not a surprise that they're not keen on people writing about their culture. There are too many Marlo Morgans and not enough positive examples.

* I'm not an expert on Australian Aboriginal culture or issues of cultural appropriation (though I know enough that the problems with the book were like big flashing lights with bells on them). I've cross-checked facts with Aboriginal sources as much as possible, but there may be gaps. Please let me know if I've made a mistake.

** Not necessarily true of modern day Aboriginal people, but the fictional group in the book didn't live in houses.

*** Though this discussion deals mainly with the Australian Aboriginal people, it's worth noting that there are other racial misrepresentations in the book. 1) Appropriating Native American culture and reusing it as alleged Aboriginal practises. 2) Depicting all white Australians as being deeply racist. Racists exist everywhere, but so do people working against racism. I assume she did this so that she would appear to be awesomely un-racist. 3) I didn't notice Australians of other races, which struck me as odd.

**** This was noticeable in the recent racefail discussions, about racism and cultural appropriation in speculative fiction. Some of the arguments were caused by people becoming extremely defensive when they made mistakes, rather than saying "yeah, I'm a beginner at this... and I messed up."

Being an Agent for a Day

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:03:00 +0000

Nathan Bransford currently has an agent for a day contest going on. Fifty queries have been posted and each pretend agent gets to accept and reject them.

Some ponderings I have so far...

It's amazing how many people don't want to tell the agent their story. I think some fell into the trap of trying to be mysterious, but when everyone has a secret power or thing he could never have expected, it does get old.
I noted many of the form rejection letters used agent classics like "I just didn't connect with the writing" and "this is a subjective business". Because half the fun of being an agent is poking subtle fun at real agents.
I hope no one takes my form rejection too seriously. I have used a much shorter one for most rejections, because I was concerned readers would get bored of the same form rejections over and over. Now that's an issue agents don't usually have...

All round, it's educational. Even if you don't want to take part, it's worth reading the queries. I'll update this post at the end to link to the manuscripts I requested.

My Requests

#10 Thriller; #17 Supernatural Thriller; #20 Literary Memoir (Trucking); #38 Dystopian Young Adult; #40 Literary 'Book Club Fiction'

The books aren't necessarily things I'd read. If I were an agent, I'd be more fussy about that... but we're aiming to hit the published ones after all. Mainly, I found I went for those with a clear story and interesting voice. A lot of good premises went by the wayside for having confusing plot descriptions.

I only had to reject one for not following submission guidelines, which I'm sure is better than most agents really get.

In conclusion, I can say that my hatred of word verification has reached an all-time high. I'm glad I don't have to do one of those everytime I send out an email. Those things are designed to trip up dyslexic people... all those closely linked nm and bd. Someone evil designed those, with perfect letter recognition skills. I had to take breaks from the queries purely due to word verification. So even if you thought my comments on your query make me an evil meanie... realise I went through hardship to send you that letter.

My Form Rejection

If you got any variety of this, I form rejected you... nothing personal.

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

Short Storyist Diary: On Poems

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:51:00 +0000

Poems were among the first things I wrote. I was the child who wrote non-rhyming freeform verse whilst my peers thought poems had to rhyme. It meant they didn't like my poems, but at least I can say I never had a poem about a fireworks display descend into frogs in Spain going out in the rain because they quite liked pain again*.

I didn't take the idea of getting poems published seriously, as I realised it was a hard sell. I could see that shops sold few poetry books.

Now, things have changed somewhat. I have a list of publications taking poetry and I'm not afraid to use it. This month has seen more poetry submissions than prose. I've no idea if it's good enough to be published, but there's only one way to find out**.

My main sadness is the lack of markets for light-hearted and nonsense verse***. It's hard enough to find places accepting rhymes (despite my comments on freeform verse, I don't write all my poems in the same style). The answer is probably to become famous. Then, my nonsense verse will be seen as secretly deep rather than silly. Though really, I write it because I think the world needs more poems about molluscs.

A Few Starting Links...

Speculative poetry markets:
Goblin Fruit
Star*Line

Speculative markets with some poetry:
Strange Horizons
Abyss and Apex
Ideomancer
Lone Star Stories

Other Poetry:
Every Day Poets

-

* Yes, this happened.

** Leaving offerings for the rhyme goblins.

*** There are some, including a few of those I've listed in the links. I just wish there were more open to such things.

The Books Are Plotting

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 02:02:00 +0000

It started when I brought Fahrenheit 451. I'd only read a few of Ray Bradbury's shorts up till then and I'd never owned any of his books. It was too early to see the trend.

Next, I was given a copy of The Martian Chronicles. I noticed "Hey, it has the same sort of cover as the last one... it must be a set." I thought nothing more of it.

And then, I'm given another one (Something Wicked This Way Comes). This time second hand. It could have been a copy of any of the editions ever published... but no. It was from the same set.

There's something creepy about this set. Why do they keep finding me? Why not one of the other editions of his books? Do they know something I don't? Are they sneaking around at night?

I'm keeping my eye on them. That's all I'm saying.

The Comment Policy of Toadstool Terror

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:48:00 +0000

The time comes in every blog's life when it needs a comment policy. Mine is a simple policy with a love of cupcakes. It may be updated from time to time in response to feedback.

THE BASIC MUSHROOM

Think of my blog as my home. If you wouldn't say it sitting on my sofa, drinking a hot beverage of your choice, don't say it on my blog.

THE SPOTS ON THE CAP

A few examples of things my sofa doesn't like...

Obscenities.*
Personal attacks. There are some grey areas here, particularly during debates. You might have a valid criticism of someone else's behaviour. For example, you might want to say someone is behaving in an anti-fungus way. In those cases, I'll judge it by tone. Bad tone: "OMG ur a fungist pig!!!"; Good tone: "It's fungist to say that mushrooms and toadstools look alike".
Spamming.
Adult rated stuff.
Posting your personal details. Includes home address and phone number.
Posting someone else's personal details. Includes their real name if it is not commonly known.
Comments completely unrelated to the blog post.

Something my sofa doesn't mind, but I do...

Comments containing videos (mostly a MySpace issue). Occasionally, I check a video and approve it. Most of the time, I have no way to hear sound on the computer. The video languishes in the approval list for several eons, while I think "where are my headphones?". Then, once it's gone all moldy and even the person who posted it has long forgotten, I find it again and delete the thing before it develops sentience and takes over the world. You increase your chances of me watching the video if you give it a text description**.

A FEW SPORES LATER

I can be contacted at polly@polenthblake.com if you feel I unfairly deleted your fungist comment, let though a comment that was actually an insult aimed at you, didn't notice when someone posted your address in the form of a riddle... or anything else of that nature. I'm sure I'll miss things at times.

My sofa isn't available for comment.

* Pirates are allowed to call people 'scurvy sea dog' and related insults, because I like pirates.

** Good Video Descriptions: This is me pulling a dragon out of a hat; this is me altering the fabric of the universe; this video has cute bunnies twitching their noses. Bad Video Descriptions: Here's a random video I found; Watch this; Go find some speakers***.

*** For obvious reasons, I'm also not inclined to listen to podcasts and webradio interviews. It isn't you. It's me. I'm just not a soundie.

Did You Eat My Story?

noreply@blogger.com (Polenth) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:10:00 +0000

It's now officially April Fools in England, even if it isn't everywhere else. As I'm not a fan of practical jokes, it tends to be a day of icky badness for me. So in the theme of ickiness, I thought I'd blog about the thing I hate the most as a writer: query letters.

No, not the one you send with your novel idea. I'm talking about short story queries... they haven't responded to your story within their deadline and you don't know why. So you're supposed to send a letter asking about it.

I think the dislike comes from the fact you have to ask them what's up without sounding like you're a) accusing* or b) impatient**. Whilst attempting to soften these snarky-edged swords, it's easy to go over-the-top in the other direction***. Restraining orders put a bit of a damper on your budding short story career.

But you also don't want to sound like you don't care. This is particularly problematic if you've delayed sending the message as long as possible in the hopes of a reply. The temptation to explain the delay is strong, especially if you have a real reason. The trouble with the truth is it tends to be complicated and make no sense to anyone who wasn't there****.

I avoid all this by keeping my queries short and sticking to the facts (when I sent the original story*****, what it was called and who is this Polenth person anyway). Which might sound terse and grumpy. There's no winning.

Give me rejections anyday******.

-

* "I noticed you couldn't be bothered to reply to my submission."

** "It's been two minutes since your thirty day response deadline. I've been clicking 'refresh' on my email every five minutes since I sent that story. For thirty days! My finger hurts. I need a hug."

*** "I've so wanted to be published by your magazine forever and when you didn't reply I was so worried! I read all the blogs of your editors and have maps to all your houses from Google maps! Isn't Google maps cool? But anyway, I'm just writing to see where my story is. You didn't reject me, did you?"

**** "I would have queried sooner, but my computer was damaged after my pond broke and I had to spend all my spare money rehousing the tadpoles, but then my sister came home and I borrowed the one down at the library. But the frogs are fine now."

***** The first time I had to send a query, I considered telling them exactly how many days it had been since the deadline, just in case they thought I was being hasty. It was around three months over the reply deadline. Yes, I was that paranoid.

****** Despite my concerns about writing the perfect letter, I haven't had any editors decide I'm crazy yet. Or they've not admitted it in their replies. The current score for replies was: one rejection went missing on the interwebs, one magazine hadn't gotten a round tuit and one had never heard of me. I had a quiet sniffle at the last one.