Unfortunately, many people never get to learn what their type is, until after they’ve been involved in a serious relationship, and then can use the experience to determine what definitely is not their type. However, there are certain conditions, or personality disorders, that are obvious clues that someone is dealing with personal issues that might interfere with their ability to sustain a healthy relationship. Identifying these personality types can help you avoid many difficulties in a future relationship, or at least prepare you for the amount of work that will be involved, should you choose to enter into a relationship with someone who has one of these disorders.

When a person suffers from a personality disorder they have a difficult time handling the pressures of stress that affects everyone on a daily basis. They also have a hard time managing relationships with other people and might have difficulties with family members, friends, and co-workers. Though it is impossible to look at someone and determine how his or her mind works, you can look for warning signs, or clues that someone is dealing with a personality disorder.

One of the main symptoms of a personality disorder is the inability to adjust to other people’s needs. This can have a detrimental affect on a relationship and can cause serious problems to any relationship. Personality disorders are classified into three basic categories. These are sometimes referred to as clusters and can be divided into groups A, B, and C. Group A would be those who have personality disorders that focus on odd or unusual behavior. The second cluster, Group B, focuses on very dramatic behavior that often includes severe or serious emotional outbursts, and the third cluster or Group C consists of personality disorders that are based on phobias or fearful behaviors. Here is a listing of five personality types to avoid and a brief description regarding each condition.

Paranoid Personality Disorder is associated with Cluster or Group A. The underlying basis of paranoid personality types is that they distrust the actions of other people. They often believe that other people are committing actions against them, such as being unfaithful, disloyal, or even threatening. Those who are paranoid are often very jealous of their partners and are prone to accusing them of doing things that they are innocent of.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is classified as a Group or Cluster B disorder, and is characterized by erratic behavior. Those with an antisocial personality have a difficult time showing respect for other people. They might have a history of legal issues as well as alcohol and substance abuse. Since those with this personality type often feel no remorse or guilt for their behaviors, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with an individual with an antisocial personality.

Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by extreme high and low behaviors. This causes the individual to be unstable and often impulsive. They might even become very devoted or focused on an individual only to cut off their emotional attachment suddenly. Those who have a Borderline personality have a history of extremely troubled relationships and often have a difficult time maintaining a relationship.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is another personality type that falls under the Group or Cluster B category. People with this personality type see themselves as worthy of all admiration and adoration. They are often incapable of having healthy relationships as they seek constant admiration, are self-centered, and use other people for their own needs.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is classified as a Cluster C personality disorder. For those who suffer from this condition, life consists of rigid rules and routines. Spontaneity is difficult and those with OCD often set extremely high standards for themselves. They can become extremely critical of themselves and have a difficult time handling a relationship, as they struggle to make decisions and can become overly dependent on their partners.

First, it is important to have similar interests in sexual appetite. If one partner has a very strong sex drive, and the other doesn’t there can be serious problems in the future. Though it might be uncomfortable to talk about, it is a good idea to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the area of sex. When both partners have the same expectations in the area of sex, they have overcome a number of future problems that could cause great strain on the relationship.

Another area where a couple should look for signs of compatibility is in the amount of energy spent on daily activities. If one partner is a couch potato while the other enjoys mountain climbing, there is good indication that the relationship is headed for serious difficulties. Being a couch potato isn’t bad in itself, and if you are the type that prefers staying inside watching movies, that doesn’t mean you are doomed to be alone. However, it does mean that if you find a partner with the same energy level that you have, you’ll have a better shot at a long lasting relationship, then trying to pursue a relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Olympian. It’s never a good idea to try to fake your energy level for a relationship either. There is scientific evidence that certain people have brains that are wired for daredevil, thrill seeking experiences and others are content keeping both feet on the ground. Pretending to be more sports oriented or athletic than you are will not only work, but also it will wear you out. Be honest about your personal energy level and find a partner who you are compatible with in this area.

If you and your partner are both equally flexible, and find it easy to apologize to one another, there is a great chance your relationship will thrive. If one partner is inflexible, never gives in, or never says that he or she is sorry for their behavior, there is a great imbalance in the relationship. A truly compatible relationship is one where both partners can easily admit their wrongdoings, own up to their share of the responsibility for mistakes, and work together to move forward. If one partner is always apologizing for things the other person says or does, there is a great lack of compatibility.

Finally, you and your partner should be compatible in your outlook towards the future. You should have similar goals and dreams and have similar styles in achieving them. This doesn’t mean that you need to have similar careers or education, but it does mean that you and your partner should have similar styles for reaching your goals. Discussing your plans for the future with your partner is the best way to determine if you are compatible and share the same vision for the future. If you and your partner are compatible in these four critical areas, there is an excellent chance that your relationship will endure.

Since you’d like to spend more time with the girl that you like on an intimate level, you’ve undoubtedly thought about asking her out on a date. Using some creative ideas can help you find out if she likes you as well as get you a date if she’s interested, without suffering outright rejection. Something that you can do is wait until you hear her mention a movie or cultural even that she is interested in attending. You can casually say something to the effect that you are interested in seeing that movie or concert, attending a museum (whatever the case may be) as well, and why not go together. By presenting it in a lighthearted, casual manner, you can determine if she’d like to spend more time with you, and not need to worry about flat out rejection. When you bring it up, make sure that you phrase the request in a manner that she will have to respond with a yes or no, or even a maybe. For example, you could say something like, “Oh, wow the new Bond movie, I didn’t know you were a fan. I am too, hey why don’t we see it this weekend?”

Another idea that you can use to find out if she’s into you or not, is ask her to kiss you. Again, this is an area where many men might become nervous or self conscious, so if you turn it into a game or playful question, you can take some of the stress out of the situation. If you have been spending a lot of time together as friends and you’d like to find out if she likes you, ask her if she’ll do something for you. When she says, “What?” Ask her if she’ll kiss you. If she says know, then laugh and change the subject. You can easily play it off as if you were joking. If she says yes, you’ll have your answer and can take the relationship to the next level.

Finally, you might want to determine whether or not she’s into you by judging her reaction when you touch her. Now this doesn’t mean to grope her, but you can put your arm around her if you are crossing a street, hold her hand while she’s talking to you, or make another gesture that can be interpreted as innocent if not reciprocated. You can tell if she becomes uncomfortable if you touch her, or if she reaches for your hand as well. When you put your arm around her, does she lean in to the embrace or pull away? By watching her responses to these and the other suggestions listed above, you can determine whether or not she is into you.

One of the greatest mistakes that a woman can make in her relationship is withholding sex as a form of control. When women expect their partners to be faithful to them, they must understand that they are the ones who their partner is going to find sexual fulfillment with. By withholding sex, you are not engaging in warfare and winning a battle, you are actually creating a scenario where your partner will begin to resent you and begin looking for a new, better relationship. Withholding sex to gain an advantage in a relationship never works, and the results are always the same; it will ultimately destroy the relationship.

What is important to understand is that if a woman is emotionally upset or angry, she will not be in the mood for sex. Where many men will want to ultimately resolve a conflict through sex, a woman would rather resolve the argument through talking and cuddling. However, once she has received ample communication and feels secure in the relationship again, she will be ready for sex. The key is to recognize that when problems arise, they must be solved in a manner that doesn’t involve sex. Men shouldn’t expect to resolve the issue through sex and women should refrain from the attitude that she won’t give any sex because of the conflict. The focus should be on communication and resolving the problem in a mature manner. Once the couple begins to discuss the underlying issues and work at a solution, they can then pick up with their intimacy. Sex then becomes a true act of deeper intimacy and not a weapon or a temporary cure to cover the problem.

I’m sure you’ve heard of make up sex, and make up sex is a great thing. However, it must be used correctly. Make up sex should never take the place of openly talking about, and solving conflicts and problems. It should arise after the problem has been resolved and the couple is feeling genuine feelings of love and intimacy for one another. If a woman feels that she is being pressured into sex while her emotional needs aren’t being met, she will feel as if sex is being used as a weapon against her. Likewise, when women feel angry or emotionally dissatisfied they will shut their partner’s off and withhold sex from them. Communication, love, and respect are key to preventing sex from becoming a weapon in any relationship.

First, you should realize that just because your man has a strong sexual appetite doesn’t mean that he isn’t committed to you or respecting you as a woman. Men with healthy testosterone levels have high sex drives. But if you find that all your man ever wants to do is have sex, and then leave, you might have serious grounds for concern. You might want to pay attention to what he talks about when he’s with you and whether or not the conversation involves any non sexual topics. If he seems to lose interest in any subject but sex, then you should be concerned.

Another area to look at is how he acts with you around his friends, provided that he’s introduced you to them. If you haven’t met his friends, and your time together consists of always being in the bedroom, then you should seriously consider the fact that he is not looking for a serious relationship but a sex partner. When a man is interested in a woman on a deeply committed level, he will have no problem introducing her to his friends and family members. If you have met his friends and family and are still not convinced that he respects you as an individual and sees you as more than a sex partner, then take a good look at the way he interacts with you around his friends.

If he always makes sexual advances towards you in front of his friends, and never treats you with respect, then you should definitely consider the fact that he is only with you for sex. Also, ask yourself how often he tells you he loves you as well as the situation you are in when he tells you. If he only says he loves you before, during, or immediately after sex, there’s a problem. If he tries to convince you that you would have sex with him to prove that you love him, there’s a problem.

Real relationships are based on much more than sexual attraction. You should be able to recount numerous times that you and your man have spent enjoying cultural events, movies, and dates that didn’t wind up with the two of you in bed. True love is based on trust, integrity, and respect. Though many men are only after one thing, there are plenty of men who are looking for genuine, sincere relationships based upon trust and commitment. If you suspect that you are in a relationship that is based purely on sex and are unhappy, get out of it. Without respect, you’ll never find true happiness in any relationship.

But not always. Because it's all too easy to cross that thin, invisible line between simply flirting…and cheating on your partner. And it can be difficult to know when you've crossed it.

What Your Partner Considers Cheating

This may be an uncomfortable prospect, but it might be a good idea to sit down and talk to your partner about what he or she considers cheating – because his or her definition may be different from yours.

Here's an example. While she was in college, a girlfriend of mine was in a serious relationship with a guy she'd been dating for about two years. One night at a party, she had a little too much to drink, and – young and curious – got a little physical with another girl at the party. Because it didn't mean anything, and because it was "just a girl," my friend assumed that her boyfriend wouldn't see it as cheating.

But he did. Their relationship ended for a whole host of reasons…but my friend's lighthearted evening with another girl certainly contributed. She underestimated the boundaries he set between faithfulness and cheating.

To some people, "cheating" is simply defined as sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex. To others, a look or a touch can be considered cheating. It's a good idea to know where both you and your partner stand.

Betraying Your Partner's Trust

When you're in a relationship, you sign up to be faithful to your partner. And while faithfulness is something that should happen on both your partner's terms and your own, the idea of commitment implies that you won't cross the boundary lines set by your partner. That is, assuming those lines are not unreasonable.

If you were to act according to your partner's standards, knowing when you're simply flirting or outright cheating should be easy – the lines have been drawn and you know where they lie. But there are always some gray areas…relations that seem harmless, but can easily toe the line into cheating. So for a guideline, flirting is generally toeing the line into cheating (or outright stepping over it) when:

• You become emotionally attached to the object of your flirtation to the point where you prefer their company to your partner's

• You go out with the intention of finding somebody to flirt – or cheat – with. Whether you find them or not.

• When you advertise yourself as available when you're not because you're interested in somebody.

• You let physical contact become overtly sexual.

• You fall in love with somebody else.

Again, though, it all depends on the lines drawn in the sand by yourself and your partner. In some relationships, all of the above behaviors would be acceptable, as long as they don't lead to sexual intercourse. In others, any one of them could be enough to destroy the relationship.

So flirt, be sexy, and have fun…but tread lightly.

If you have low self-esteem, dating can be more than a little trying – as can relationships. When you don't believe strongly in your own worth, it's all-too-easy to create unhealthy dynamics within your relationships. Or to be unable to start a relationship at all. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with low self esteem while dating. It's all about facing the problem head-on.

Acknowledge the problem. If you've had the type of relationship problems that seem to repeat themselves over and over, your low self esteem may be causing it. Almost like alcoholism, one of the first steps in improving low self esteem is acknowledging that you have it. Because while low self esteem is patently obvious in some people, it can be hidden in others – even from themselves. A little self evaluation can go a long way.

Learn to ignore the whisper. Those of us who suffer from low self esteem are often bombarded by whispering doubts about our worth. To date and socialize successfully with low self esteem, you need to learn to block out those whispers of doubt. In other words, when your mind tells you that everybody thinks you're behaving stupidly, or that your shouldn't air your worthless opinions, or that your date is fixating on the pores in your nose, try to push it away. Recognizing that your doubts come from your low self esteem rather than from the actual feelings of the people around you is a hugely important step in learning to feel better about who you are.

Aim high. Those who suffer from low self esteem have an overwhelming pessimism about their prospects and their abilities – at least in some specific areas. Because they believe that they aren't truly worth more, and wouldn't be able to sustain anything better, those with low self esteem tend to partner up with people who will exploit them and their weaknesses. If you have low self esteem, it's important to allow yourself to aim high – even if you doubt your abilities to reach your target. Disparaging yourself and aiming low in your relationships will only open you up to being taken advantage of. And your relationship's failure will do nothing but deepen your self-doubts. It's a vicious cycle.

Work through your problems. This may fall last on my list, but it's probably the most important part of dealing with low self esteem. Your self esteem comes from somewhere – something in your childhood, or an event that left you scarred – and uncovering what that is is key. And while introspection and self-evaluation can be very helpful in tracking down the source of your low self esteem, the best thing is to speak with a professional. A counselor can help you to understand where your self esteem issues come from – and teach you the methods you should use to defeat it

When you're dedicated to exploring and writing about relationships, you come across descriptions of and stories about all sorts of polyamorous relationships. And I have to admit that I am more than a little bit curious about how "the other side," lives. A big part of me finds the sort of lifestyle I see depicted in a movie like Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" or a TV show like "Big Love" appealing – and I see why it happens so often. The other side of me, however, is disturbed by the very idea.

The more exposed I am to polyamorous lifestyles, the more interested I am in answering the question: Can many people really strike a balance between variety and healthy commitment?

When I see a show like "Big Love," there is a lot for me to find appealing. The three wives share almost every element of their lives; they seem even closer than sisters. They share responsibilities and childrearing with each other the same way that they share their husband. In a way, what the wives have together is a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, I don't have the same sense of admiration for the "husband" figure in this particular equation. In a polygamous family, it seems that the husband is generally the all-ruling patriarch. Though the women often get a say, that say goes only surface-deep. The unwavering head of the household, husband does what he likes – just watching the fictional version on TV makes all of my deep-seeded feminine ideals cry out in rebellion. And though it's cloaked in religion and duty, I think a polygamous lifestyle like that shown in "Big Love" is really only about sex and control – for the man. It's nothing I'd like to be a part of.

There are relationships, however, where men and women share freely together. It's the type of thing you heard about – or, if you're older than me, experienced – happening in hippy communes in the 60's. Or the kind of "weekend sex parties" you read about in magazines. With this lifestyle, you can have a committed romantic relationship, but sex is shared freely and you're free to have it with whomever you like. And while most of the people I know are in committed relationships (and therefore wouldn't admit it), I'm betting most of them find this sort of lifestyle intriguing – if not outright appealing. Just as I do.

For me, the conceptual problem with this kind of relationship lies with striking a balance. It is possible for most people to behave this way and still maintain their relationships as they used to? In theory, it sounds great for people to engage freely in sex – as long as they have their partner's permission. But another part of me wonders what this does to relationships – and what it does to sex. Can a polyamorous relationship be truly committed and healthy? Or does sex with multiple partners ruin it?

This is a conundrum for me…and I'd love to hear your comments about it.

However, if a personal hygiene issue is stinking up your relationship, you're going to have to get over your embarrassment and talk to your partner. Because (to use a bad pun) being with somebody stinky is just not a wash.

1. Try hints. No matter the problem, whether it be smelly armpits, flakey dandruff, or not-so-great cleaning habits in their, um, nether regions, the first thing couples rely on is hints. These range from not-so-subtle jibes, such as leaving your partner's toothbrush out before a date, to subtler encouragements, such as commenting that your partner tastes good just after having brushed his or her teeth. Little hints tend to work better for partners that live together, as you can do little things like switch your partner's shampoo to an anti-dandruff version.

2. Gently question and suggest. If somebody you're dating doesn't get the hint, it's time to move on to gentle, sweet suggestion. Sometimes, people have poor personal hygiene habits simply because they've never learned any better – or don't know they have a problem. In these cases, gentle suggestion may open their eyes to the idea that not everybody goes about personal hygiene the way that they do. "Why don't you try a dandruff shampoo? They work really well," can be really effective.

3. Straight-out say so. For some people, hints and suggestions work about as well as projecting your desires onto them psychically. For these people, you need to come right out and say what's bothering you. "I'm sorry, but your breath isn't very nice," is a huge wake up call for most. And you generally don't need to say much more.

4. Give an ultimatum. But for some, saying there's a problem simply isn't enough. This generally happens only in longer-term relationships, when a couple has become comfortable enough together not to worry about, say, going "number two" at their boyfriend or girlfriend's apartment. They simply don't have the motivation to change. And that's what you need to provide them with.

If, say, your girlfriend doesn't brush her teeth as much as she should, tell her you won't kiss her unless until she goes to brush them. Or if your boyfriend doesn't keep everything below his belt as clean as he should, tell you you'll avoid going down there, too – at least until he cleans up his act.

5. Come to terms. Now it's time to let out a big sigh. Because unfortunately, some people are fixed in their bad habits. And when that happens, you have a big decision to make: is this problem a deal-breaker, or can you live with it? If your answer is the latter, you need to learn to come to terms with what you don't like about your partner's hygiene, and you need to do it soon. Because harping away at something that you don't like – but that's not going to change – doesn't do anybody any favors. It simply makes you both unhappy.

Hmm. Since the oyster metaphor is getting a little gross, I'll put it simply: when you've found the right person for you, you tend to think you know who is right for your friends, too. And while your heart is probably in the right place, setting your friends up on dates isn't always a great idea…especially when you don't go about it the right way.

1. Choose through their eyes. Sure, you may have an old friend that you're amazed hasn't been snapped up yet. But just because you think they're the best thing since sliced octopus doesn't mean your friend will. Before setting anybody you care about up with somebody you know, be sure you're judging them as your friend would – not as you do.

2. Allow some mystery. Even if you know just about everything there is to know about the friends you're setting up…don't spill it all. Allow them to get to know each other in a more natural, low pressure way. And that means allowing there to be a little but of mystery between them. If you have a hilarious "diarrhea on the roller coaster" story to tell about your best friend, don't tell it to the person you're setting him or her up with.

Unless, that is, you want to embarrass the heck out of your friend…which I suppose has an entertainment value all its own.

3. Mind your own business. When you set up two people you know on a date, you kind of feel like Dr. Frankenstein. You feel like you are creating something…and you have visions of being showered with thanks at their wedding playing through your head. But avoid being obnoxious about requesting details. If your friend wants to gush about the date, let them. But if they want to keep quiet, mind your own business until they're ready. You've already done your part. Now it's time to back away.

4. Ready yourself for disappointment. We've all been set up on disastrous dates by our friends. So there's a real chance that your friends aren't half as excited about this meeting as you are. And there's also a real chance that they'll want to bring you salmonella-infused leftovers from the restaurant to thank you for a hellish date. After all, you can never predict what will happen.

So put aside your wedding speech planning and leave your triumphant screams of "It's alive!" until your sure things are working out. As long as you use a light hand in setting up your friends, you may be able to avoid having them hate you forever.