In an earlier post in 2010, I blogged about “Have Fun As A Family - Immersing In The Kids’ World”. Read about it here.

I am a strong believer of having fun AS A FAMILY and doing activities TOGETHER, even when the parents could seem crazy and kiddish in those moments.

I believe the key to establishing a strong family bond is not only about being physically there to encourage our kids, to mentor or play the guardian or audience roles.

It is also about….

“Building that rapport - Join in the kids’ fun”

“Bridging that generation gap - immerse in the kids’ world“.

- Parent Times -

It is important to start early to shape it into a family culture and continuing process. Our children grow up faster than we could imagine and once the opportunity to strengthen that bond slips past, it might become an impossible mission no matter how hard we try after that.

[So, here I am starting a series of posts on "Have Fun With Our Kids" and hopefully we could share with other parents some family activities, especially those that we could stay active with our younger ones."

We welcome other parents, who have more tips on healthy family activities, to share your ideas too. Let's boost our family bond from here!]

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An activity that we have always enjoyed tremendously with our boys is “ACT IT OUT”.

It started during one of our birthday… years ago when we decided to make each of our birthdays a “Family Fun Day“!

What it Involves

- For each family member’s birthday, the organisers will think of a theme.

- The older boy and mom will prepare the story plot and the script (note: will be tough for younger kids).

- The younger boy will usually take charge of preparing the props, together with mom and papa.

- Every single family member plays the role of an organiser (except for the birthday star) and actor/actress.

- Then there will be rehearsals to perfect the acting and script.

- Of course, we take turn to also manage the sound and lighting effect.

Most importantly, the “Birthday Star” will usually act out a character that he adores.

How It Helps?

- Build team spirits

- Exercise kids’ creative skills especially when it comes to scripting and making the props. Allow our kids to be as imaginative as possible.

- Boost kids’ confidence

- Create a space for kids to make mistakes and constantly seek improvement  [after a few years of practice, our script and acting have become more professional:)]

- Bridge the gap between parents and children

- Prepare kids to be responsible for their roles in the team

- Create hilarious picture and video moments that will serve as precious memories in years to come

- Train them to be sporting [eg. our kids can dress us up in their self-created pirate attires (even if it is out of the norm of typical pirate attire) and we must be sporting enough to put it on:)

Most importantly, having that much laughter together - IT IS PRICELESS.

Look at the smiles on their faces and one could imagine how much fun they have

We have played the royal family, warriors, the pirate family, TITANIC lovers and others …and next will be the SUPERHEROES.

If you are also keen to “ACT IT OUT” with your kids, it will take some preparation time. So, get ready early.

Our boy’s birthday is in August and one good way of spending his school holiday is he is already preparing his props once the Family Board has unanimously agreed on a common theme.

Really looking forward. Can’t wait:)

Oh yes! Stay tune to read about our other series of posts on “Have Fun With Our Kids”.

When I told others that my teenage boy would travel to the vicinity of my office to have lunch with his mother every week, they expressed surprise that a teen could still be so thoughtful.

Generally, is it really a norm that teenagers would likely start to distance from their parents?

When asked whether this close bonding is associated with the fact that I had been staying at home for a fulfilling 2 years, my sentiment is:

It takes more  effort from the parent than just being there full-time and merely playing a dutiful parental role

Seriously, having gone through a teenage phase myself, I do not think I was sensible then to appreciate when my mother played a dutiful parental role.

Why Are Parents’ Good Intentions often Being Misinterpreted When We Try to Play That Dutiful Parental Role?

See what happens when a parent tries to play a dutiful parental role to a teen…

1. Ensuring proper food and lodging for the teen

Parents’ good intention:  Ensure the best well-being for our kids

Teen’s response : “Isn’t it a given?”

2. Make decisions for the teen

Parents’ good intention : Protect our children from risk

Teen’s response : “I have grown up. You are not respecting my rights to decide.”

3. Finding out more about our teen’s daily lives and social circle

Parents’ good intention: Protect our children from risk and understanding our children more

Teen’s response :”Please respect my privacy.”

4. Solving problems for our teen

Parents’ good intention: Facilitate a smoother journey in their lives

Teen’s response : “You are creating more mess in my life and you embarrass me by interfering.”

Certainly, the list could go on (probably I could consider writing another blog post on this topic) but what I wish to highlight is - “Is playing the dutiful parental role sufficient to create that magical touch in our relationship with our kids?”

Me?

I choose not only to be a parent but also a friend to our boys.

“Friend” meaning …

Learn to be a little more Open-Minded, avoid using the parent trump card unless necessary, hide the superiority and seniority notion, accept freedom of speech and a little nonsense sometimes, shelf our ego, share at least a common interest and let the hair down and play along…..

You?

Are you ready to be friends with your kids?

I dragged my reluctant body out of the bed, brushed my teeth and started the first but most onerous routine of my day - HOUSEHOLD CHORES.

So, as quiet and fast as possible, I ZOOMED and ….washed and dried the laundry, prepared breakfast, boiled the water, cleaned up the toilets, cleared the garbage, watered the plants, swept and mopped the floor, sent the kids off to school.

[Our family members have allergy conditions and that gives me little excuse not to clean on a daily basis.]

After a shower and dressing up, I am ZOOMING off to start my next routine - WORK.

[Yes folks, I have returned full-time to the workforce... finally after a good two-year break from career as a stay-at-home mom. That partly explains why I have been missing from blogosphere since I was standing on crossroads, getting ready for my new paths, and cherishing every minute I had as a SAHM. ]

So, as the typical working day continues….Time passed by quickly as I got truly occupied.

ZOOMING home to start the next routine…ENSURING TIMELY DINNER for and with our boys.

[With less time spent with our boys, I try my best to ensure that I at least sit down with them for one meal together as a family. I am sure most working parents in Singapore, with kids in childcare, would also be rushing to fetch their children since most childcare/daycare centres close at 7pm. ]

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Next, I ZOOMED to wash up after dinner, hoping that I could then have more time to bond with our boys and have my own ME time.

Then to my horror, I went upstairs and I didn’t like what I saw!

Board games, accessories and paper were spread all over the floor, toys were unkept, floor was dirty, toilets stank, unfolded clothes were spread all over the bed ….

I started to breathe hard, keeping my calm. Then I remembered promising our boys that I would avoid scolding them during the shorter span of time I spend with them now.

“Where was the level of responsibility our boys used to have when I was a SAHM? They would at least keep their own room organised and cleared up mess when I was around.”

So, trying not to look at the speeding past time, I summoned our boys and they were commanded without second thought to tidy up their mess amidst some nagging on “responsibilities”.

[This mess often happens when we have children at home and I guess the fact that I have boys perhaps have made it worse.]

Next, I ZOOMED to wash up the stinking toilets for the second time in a day, mopped the floor for the second time in a day and took a shower.

Then, I ZOOMED to join our boys for “Aeroplane game” and a quick chat.

Oh! How Time flies.

Enough bonding for the night and it was almost 11pm when my personal hours really started. That was when I could afford the time to do some reading ..be it news or work materials or even catching up on movie with Papa Ed in the comfort of our home.

It was past midnight before the routine of the previous day has ended.

Not forgetting that the next cycle of my typical working day was almost starting in the next 4 hours. I was really exhausted. Also, I felt like a programmed ROBOT.

These are my daily routines and struggles - a typical working mother, who tries to strike a work-life balance, without a full-time domestic helper.

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By sharing this post, I am not trying to share my schedules like an open book because that is usually not my style. What I am trying to share is the pain and happiness of a working mom who aspires to devote herself to both family and work.

“KUDOS to Mothers because we know no typical day is seamless or without multi-tasking!”

I remember how stressful it could become if we had to also multi-task in guiding our children for the exam preparation or bring work home when we have to also do the household chores without any other family member or domestic helper to rely on.

And.

If you have noticed, I have repeatedly used the word “ZOOMED” or “ZOOMING”.

Precisely.

I have been zooming in and out of my routines since I started to work. It ’s amazing that I could still have space to breathe and usually I try to do that during my 1-hour lunch break.

I guess mothers have limitations as we age. I realised that I can’t appreciate life if I continue ZOOMING on like this.

So.

I finally raised my white flag.

I need a full-time domestic helper. I have my second thought that problems might re-surface after having a live-in helper (like how it used to be for us in the past).

However, I weighed my priority and decided that I wish to spend available non-office time catching up with at least a 6-hour sleep and BOND with OUR BOYS.

After over-stretching my shoulders in the past, living life like an impossible superwoman, I have learnt to value my health.

I don’t wish to live life like a HURRICANE. I wish to live it like a BREEZE

Embarking on a journey of which I could enjoy and at the same time pause and reflect.

~Parent Times~

Whenever possible, I am used to being prepared way ahead.

—I buy and keep spare items at home so that they are available when things became faulty or run out.

—I make sure our boys start planning for their study schedule way ahead of their exams.

—I discuss ahead with our boys how we would like to spend our weekends or school holidays so that we could maximise that precious little time that family spends together.

—I try to plan ahead most of the time if circumstances allow.

***

In this way, I make sure that the family never runs into frustrations facing last minute demands or doing last minute preparations.

The “being prepared” motto prevails in my life even when I am multi-tasking between managing work and home.

(I believe that being busy is never a reasonable excuse not to be prepared and bringing inconvenience to others).

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”
-  Benjamin Franklin

Frankly, I get highly irritable when I am imposed with last minute requests or forced to run last minute errands.

—I recalled how we were frantically looking for petrol kiosk when we could have refueled our vehicle earlier.

—I recalled how our boy would only request us to get them a certain stationery items for use the next day when the shops have closed for business.

—I screamed my heads off when our boy informed us that he did not understand a certain subject only at the eleventh hour.

—I panicked when I did not standby any medication when our boy started vomitting all the way from Malacca to Singapore.

—I got fully annoyed when our boys are still searching for items to pack in their school bags when the school bus is already driving off.

— I am never comfortable if I had to go for presentations or meetings unprepared.

Yes. THIS IS ME.  It makes me feel at ease and ready.

Our younger boy somehow takes after me to a certain extent:)

Naturally, when there is a family member who is well-prepared, the others might take a more relaxed mode.

However…NOPE! I want our boys to be prepared and practise some planning habits BUT not live life as it comes or depends on me!

And…

I am glad that they must have been influenced by me to a certain extent.

-–While our elder boy started drawing out his study plan at the age of 8, our younger one has volunteered to do stock taking of our groceries and prepares grocery shopping lists at age of 8.

—While our elder boy suggests family activities or outing venues sometimes weeks ahead, our younger boy always prepares his school uniforms and items the night before.

—Perhaps, FUN always appeals and both our boys are always way ahead in suggesting their ideal travel destinations and take initiatives to get ready lots of information on the country we are visiting so that we are well-prepared for the trip.

— Our younger boy always prepares early to look good when he goes out and never fails to make sure that his favourite food in the fridge is replenished.

I won’t deny that there are still many instances when I face with situations when our boys will conveniently come to me and make last minute and impossible requests when they in fact have much time before hand to get things ready.

I believe all of us frequently encounter such situations when we feel like we must be superhuman to create a miracle for last minute and unreasonable requests.

Of course, one solution is to let our boys solve the last minute “problem” themselves.

When faced with constraints, they tend to appreciate that they could have set aside more time ahead instead of a last minute rush. This in a way enable them to learn the self-responsibility of being prepared.

However…

When they die on us - we feel totally Helpless.

For older generation, perhaps, life does not necessary come to a standstill when technology decides to play prank.

However, for the young generation today, it could mean “disaster” or “end of world”!

Do a simple survey on the younger ones …….

On what they can’t do without in life and no surprise….

Answers : Mobile phone… electronic game devices …. tablet ….. social media like Facebook.

Reality in life - our over dependance on technology, IT and electronic devices in life.

*******

“Dinosaur Era”?

So, I started to share stories about how we could live without mobile phones, without PC and without electrical appliances when I was younger.

I know - that sounds like a “dinosaur” era to our boys. “So boring”, “How to survive?” - are anticipated reactions.

And…

That day, when our water heater broke down, you could imagine the distress at home.

Our sons echoed: “What? I have to bathe in cold water?”

They totally have no idea how to adopt alternative method to create that warm water for shower. The young ones realise that it is so easy to just press a button to turn on the heater. However, what they refuse to rely on is that there is an olden technology called “boiling a kettle of hot water to mix with the cold water.”

And…

When there was a power failure in our neighbourhood last year, our boys were totally lost and annoyed.

Till I brought out the candles and torches, the boys were elated.

Next, we were totally helpless because the fans, air-conditioners, PCs, fridge and many others were not working.

So…the grumblings went on but there were hardly any solutions by our boys.

******

Survival skills

Then…It struck me that our kids have totally no SURVIVAL SKILLS to handle situations when electricity and technology die on us!

(I will not always be there to show them the “dinosaur” method of how I survived without technology in my earlier days.)

Then…I start to appreciate these moments of crisis when water heater got out of order, when power failure happened and even when we forgot to bring along our mobile phones.

It is only during these moments that our kids could start learning that they could still survive without technology although it is just more inconvenient.

Perhaps, the younger generations are very much influenced by their peers, society and even ourselves. How often are we not guilty of being addicted to our mobile phones and PCs? How often are we not being guilty of over-relying on technology and not sharing with our kids the more primitive way of life?

As I was watching the US TV series “Revolution”, I wished I could share with them that the world will not come to an end just because technology or electricity die on us. 

Humans are capable of adapting to a different way of life for survival.

At that moment, I was overwhelmed with SERENITY…a feeling that I have been deprived of for months.

Serenity is not freedom from the storm.

It is Peace amid the storm.

~ Unknown

As life plunges into a state of turbulence, is it possible to master the art of serenity - to find inner peace amid the storm?

I wish I could.

Photo taken at River Safari Singapore.

Cycling is not only a booster for the health but also for the mind especially when we love cycling at the park or along the beach.

And.

The kids make my day when they could eventually bid goodbye to the tricycles!  Yippee! I was jumping for joy and extremely proud when they could finally manage a BICYCLE.

This is the simple contentment of a parent. Every of our kids’ new achievement, no matter how small, is enough to bring me tremendous joy:)

***

In my opinion, picking up cycling skill is A WAY to help build up kids’ perseverance and confidence.

They fell along the way BUT they got up without giving up.

They tried clumsily in the process BUT they never lost their confidence.

It seemed so difficult at first to achieve that balance BUT they remained determined.

They got new cuts and bruises BUT they shed no tears.

Instead there were much laughter along the way.

They were motivated by one goal - that is to cycle as a family, each on our individual bicycle.

Most importantly, they appreciate through the process that they can achieve their goal with hard work and determination.

This is the type of spirits that brought me pride:)

Once they master that cycling skill,there is no way to hold them back.

Steadier and faster, off they go! They learn that with practice, they got better each time.

As I watched our boys cycling ahead of us, I started to have mixed feelings.

Isn’t this similar to our kids’ growing up process?

As they grow, they  falter along the way and need us to give them the motivation or helping hand.

However, once they build up their confidence and skills, they might be better than us and before long, they are moving way ahead of us.

When they are stagnant, we can’t wait to give them a push. When they progress to0 fast, we face the reluctance of letting go.

Sad to say BUT this is the dilemma faced in parenthood.

]]> http://parentimes.com/?feed=rss2&p=17782 http://parentimes.com/?p=17762 http://parentimes.com/?p=17762#comments Mon, 13 May 2013 13:25:24 +0000 Denesa http://parentimes.com/?p=17762 Well….

Do these sound familiar to you?

“Mommy, my friend has her own computer and why must I share a set with sis?”

OR

“Daddy, can you buy me a dog because our neighbour has bought his son a puppy and it is so cute!”

Who say only adults are tempted to keep up with the joneses?  Kids , these days, benchmark and are tempted to own material possessions that their peers, siblings and others have too.

Even my little one has been raising requests….

Darren: “Mommy, most of my classmates are carrying iphones and when can you buy one for me? Can you buy me one as birthday gift?”

<Frankly, I am wondering why are parents getting their young children smartphones when they are officially banned from being brought to school in the first place. Why do these primary school-going kids need smartphones anyway? Then I recalled how my friends would take over the older model handphones from their children while they bought the latest smartphones for their children.>

***

Darren:”Gor gor has an ipad and I wish I could have one for my birthday gift. You are so unfair.”

<For my 9-year old, not owning the items that his brother has is deemed as unfair and not necessarily that our boy justifiably need the item.>

***

Darren:”Do you know several of my classmates are living in private properties and have domestic helpers? Why we cannot be like them?”

Then I would ask him whether he would prefer to stay in a large landed property and perhaps spending most time with domestic helper and with little presence of the family members, or a simple roof over the head but a place where he finds much family warmth.  You see. I was trying to explain to him the true meaning of HOME, regardless of its size or status.

***

When my little one gets extremely ambitious….

Darren:”I want to own a lamborghini when I start work.”

Me: “Why do you need such a speedy car when you can hardly race in Singapore?”

Darren: “It makes me look cool!”

<Well, to look cool, it is how we carry ourselves and not necessarily how we “accessorize” our lifestyle. ..at least this is how I feel.>

***

Caution:

* As parents, when we don’t handle our children’s demand to keep up with the joneses carefully, we can in fact be encouraging them. We might send wrong messages that it is a correct mindset to blindly follow trend or own things to upkeep social status.  In worse case, we do not wish to let them have wrong impressions that money comes easy.

* Most importantly, as adults and role models, we have to ensure that we are NOT showing our young ones that we are keeping up with the joneses ourselves.  We have our weaknesses and tend to envy what others have and sometimes model after others’ lifestyles without further thoughts.  As parents, if we show our children that we work hard to go after material needs, then it makes it hard for us to educate them with the correct values.

In my own instances, after becoming a SAHM, I tend to assess more carefully before acceding to our boys’ requests to make unnecessary purchases. I tend to ponder more too before I set my mind to buy any “good to have” item for myself or family. Certain questions, we ask our boys to ponder over before we make the purchases are :

Is there an alternative to purchase or is there a cheaper substitute?

Do they have time to make use of the items or how are they making use of the items?

Do they know the reasons why their peers own the items?

Why are certain elite brands being preferred?

Where is the storage space?

Are they willing to sacrifice the opportunity to purchase other necessary items?

Why is it deemed as unfair just because their friends own something they don’t have?

What are the purposes or benefits of owning the new items?

Thankfully for us, these guidelines somehow are quite effective on our children and I guess our explanations help too when we are faced with unreasonable demands.

As for you, what are your usual reactions when your children try to keep up with the joneses?

When we have a chance to lay hands on essays of the above topics, I am sure we get a better insight of our kids’ version of us. We get excited to read on to find out how our kids feel about us.

As mothers, our hearts melt when our kids describe us as the person they admire most or when they describe us beautifully in their essays.

Sometimes, our kids express their impressions of us in pictures.

And.

This is ME in Darren’s eyes:)

As mothers, we know that there is no progress card to assess our performance.

When the going gets tough, we sometimes ask ourselves whether we have played our role well as a parent.  When our kids get on our nerves or misunderstand us, exasperation creeps over us.

As mothers, we become motivated when we know that no matter how badly our kids agitate us and in return, even when we discipline them, our kids DO appreciate us and they DO understand.

They may not express their appreciation for us openly in words or daily actions, but when their gratitude for us are put into words in writing, it seems like we have been injected with a new drive of energy to power on.

When my 9-year old wrote down his thoughts for me in my birthday card and surprised me with these words of motivation, I was almost in tears. I was inspired to be a even better mother.

As a mother, the best gift I value from my kids is not heaps of gifts for Mother’s Day, for birthdays …. Just knowing that I have at least earned that little respect and appreciation from them, is enough to power me on for a long long time.

HERE IS WISHING ALL MOTHERS ,

“A HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY”.

With the demise of Papa Ed’s granny not too long ago, we were told not to go house visiting or give ang pows except to our very close ones. So, this year’s Lunar New Year is a pretty quiet occasion for our family.

However, over here we would still like to wish our readers,celebrating Lunar New Year,

“Gong Xi Fa Cai! Huat Ah!”

To those dear friends who have been enquiring about my disappearance from the blogosphere, I am well and fine. Will be back soon! Thanks!