After time, every relationship can become disconnected and a little boring.  Why not make this year the time to deepen your love by reconnecting and feeling appreciation and gratitude for each other?

Let’s face it – during the stress of your busy day, it’s easy to take each other and your relationship for granted.  Yet, would you really be happier on your own?  Do you actually want to shop around and start all over again?  Do you believe things will be different a few years down the road with another person?  Unless things are especially bad, probably not.  Make an intention and a solid attempt to reconnect with the person you are with today.

Can you remember whom you fell in love with in the first place? Below are 8 practices I recommend for reconnecting to the feelings you had when you first met.

1. Create a morning ritual. What is the first thing you do in the morning when you open your eyes?  This is a perfect time to consciously connect with your partner.  You might ask them how they slept or how they feel and talk about the day ahead.  Maybe you snuggle in a little closer, and exchange one thing you appreciate about each other.  Out of bed, sharing a cup of tea or coffee while reading a passage or page in a shared book, walking, meditating or doing yoga together are fabulous morning practices to start your day.
2. Make regular time to take care of yourself. Many of us have been taught to take care of our spouse and family first.   If so, you may be collapsing “selfish” with “self-care.”   Think of your body as a “vessel” and your partner and/or family as “cups.”  Trying to fill the cups from an empty vessel usually brings up feelings of resentment, frustration and martyr.  Only after your needs have been met and your heart is full can you graciously give to others from a place of love.
3. Schedule regular times to communicate. This can be mealtime, a regular walk, or just a time to sit together.  Make this time a priority without excuses or interruptions.  Put together some rules you both agree on such as not answering the phone or multi-tasking.  Give each other a specific amount of time to talk (say 5 minutes) without interruption and really listen to what your partner has to say.   After they are complete, reflect back what you heard them say.  Beginning your next sentence with, “What I heard you say is….” Reflecting your interpretation helps your partner to feel heard and respected. From here you can state your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in an “I” statement (see next).
4. Use “I” statements in your communication. It’s good to talk about how you feel and what you want as long as you take full responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts and actions.  Your partner cannot make you feel a certain way.  They may trigger something inside of you, but no one has the power to control your emotions.  Using “I” statements such as “I feel…” rather than, “You make me feel…” are respectful for both yourself and your partner.
5. Make time in your relationship to have fun! What is fun for the two of you?  What did you do together when you first met?  Turn off the T.V. and light a candle at dinner.  Go on a date.  Play a game.  Walk together in nature.  Read together.  Dance.  Laugh out loud.  Schedule regular time together (like every Friday).  Don’t wait for “later.”  “Later” never happens.
6. Be 100% honest. Lies and non-truths erode trust in a relationship.   Without trust, you have no foundation to build a strong relationship upon. Do you keep secrets?  Do you tell “white-lies”? Do you have a behavior you are ashamed of? This could be in the form of addictions… shopping, food, gambling, pornography, or alcohol to name a few. If you want more passion and connection in your marriage it’s time to address the “dark lover.” Talk about it with your partner and feel your love and connection expand.
7. Forgive yourself and/or your partner for the past. Do you hold pockets of guilt for something you did?  Do you find yourself reliving old stories, continuing to play the blame/victim game?  It’s time to forgive and move on.  Your lack of forgiveness, whether for your self or for your partner is the choice not to change, keeping your relationship small and disempowered. Stop the drama and move on.
8. Make your bedroom a place just for the two of you. Your bedroom is not a place for T.V., exercise equipment, an office or photos of children and family.  Keep it intimate.  Keep it sacred.  Keep it only for nurturing your relationship.

Just like anything in your life, your relationship needs attention and nurturing to survive and thrive.  Give one or more of these practices a try this month.   You’ll be glad you did.

It’s time again for new beginnings. I like to think of the New Year as an unplanted garden and a fresh start to new life. What do you want to grow this year? The perfect job? Your beloved? A family? A new adventure?

As with any garden, it’s important to till and nourish the soil before planting your seeds of intention. Here are some powerful questions to make sure your soil is fertile and rich:

1. What is it time to celebrate? Acknowledging success expands opportunities for more success. Stop and celebrate all you have done and become over the past year.
2. What am I tolerating? This could be a job you do not like, verbal abuse from someone you live with, clutter, a messy home or office, or as simple as a squeaky door. It is time to address that unhealthy habit or environment. What’s the impact this is having on your happiness, your health and your life?
3. Do you take time for fun? If not, why not? What is fun to you? When was the last time you laughed out loud? What is the price of not taking time for fun?
4. What’s your story? Do you hold on to the past, resenting people and experiences in your life, or do you see them as teachers and opportunities for helping to propel you forward? What if everyone and everything was in your life for a reason? It’s time to let go of that small story of yours and think GREAT story.
5. Do you see the DARK side or the BRIGHT side of a situation? Do you believe life is hard or easy? No matter your belief you are right, so choose wisely. Remember, it’s all in your perspective.
6. What do you desire? Get clear with your DREAMS for 2012. Could it be a new relationship? More romance and intimacy? More money? Better health? Get clear with what you DESIRE, IMAGINE your future with it in place, clear the weeds and pests of your limiting beliefs and EXPECT “This or something better, with harm to none.”
7. What are you afraid of? Is it true? If so, is there something you can do about it? Face it, address it and move on. If not, let it go and move on. Fears will keep you stuck, like deer in the headlights.
8. What unfinished business do you have? Is there a grudge you’re still holding on to? A project to complete? Unpaid bills or money owed? Have you promised someone something and not followed through? These things WILL drag you down. Take care of them today!
9. How do you ground your Self? How do you connect to your higher truth and inner wisdom? Most of us do this by spending time in nature, meditation, writing, yoga, a church or spiritual community. Do you have a practice that honors your inner Self?  Connect with it daily.
10. What is your action plan or goals? What do you need to do to get from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow? Be specific. When will you do it? How will you know when you’re there? What support do you need?

Take some time for yourself today to reflect upon these questions. To get the most from this exercise, it’s helpful to write about them in a journal or talk through them with a friend.

By preparing the soil today, tomorrow’s harvest will be abundant and rewarding.

Three weeks ago I declared Christmas was not coming out of the storage boxes. Knowing our children or friends from the U.S. were not visiting this year, I tried to pretend Christmas wasn’t important. With it being summer here in New Zealand, I figured I’d just pretend it was June and get on with my life.

Then we received our first Christmas card. “Okay,” I said to myself, “maybe one Christmas CD and a box of decorations…but no tree!”

Upon opening that first box of goodies and allowing the Christmas magic to seep into the room, I was immediately overcome with memories of Christmases past… cutting down our tree in the forest just past the meadow where we lived, pulling it home on the sleigh with our youngest riding on top. Making gingerbread houses with lots of candies, frosting and giggles. Christmas cookies in the oven, carols in the background while our family decorated the tree.

In that moment I knew I had a choice. I could indulge myself by dropping into self-pity and sorrow (something I could have easily done in the past) or, tap into my authentic sadness – and then into gratitude for creating these memories and this incredible life I am living today.

Remembering the ebb and flow of life consists of highs and lows, it wasn’t hard to tap into gratitude…for everything in my life, including the sweet sadness.

Ah life! Like a big tossed salad -or fruit cake – the combination of sweet, sour and savory help to add complexity and character to life.

It wasn’t but a few moments later we received, not one, but two invitations to join dear friends for Christmas lunch. And, the very next day a thoughtful friend and her daughter dropped by with a freshly cut tree!

It’s wonderful to feel my whole realm of authentic emotions!

I have learned when I’m responsible for all of my emotions I can consciously choose to live my life from love, joy, happiness and peace. I also know, the only way to do this it is to be grounded in the present rather than caught up in stories of past or future.

What big learning did you have for 2011?

Remember, your life insights don’t always seem like a big deal when you reflect upon them. Being present and responsible with all your emotions, catching yourself when you become a victim and begin to blame others for your circumstances, taking time in the morning for inner reflection and/or journal writing, asking for help instead of being a martyr all sound rather insignificant, but when it begins to shift your whole life from a place of struggle and dissatisfaction to more love, joy and freedom, now that’s BIG STUFF!

I consider myself to be a happy and friendly person. Most of you who know and work with me will probably agree. For the most part, my life is easy, fun and love-filled. But that was not exactly the case last week.

Last week, conflict was coming at me. The strangest things were happening all around. People were confronting, swearing, upset, and confused. In 4 days, I had 3 situations where I was the hub of some unsettling frustration and stress. What was going on?

One of the things I love about the work I do is taking full responsibility for creating everything in my life. I know I am not a victim of anything. I know that things are happening for a reason. And in that knowing, I need to pay attention to what is going on around me to understand what is going on inside of me.

I know I attract and create everything in my life. I also know, what I see in my outer world is a direct reflection of what’s going on in my inner world. When I am living in the higher frequencies of love, beauty, fun and trust, I find myself surrounded with much love, beauty, fun and trust. When I hold inner conflict such as confusion, frustration or anger, my feedback is outer conflict.

I was experiencing conflict. So, where was this conflict inside of me? After slowing things down enough to notice, here’s what I discovered.

Always being open to new ideas, I have been working with some leaders in my industry to grow my business. Much of what I am learning is fun and empowering. And, there are a few things that just don’t resonate with me at all. Because I have such respect for these “successful” people and admire how they are helping so many others, I continued to model after these “experts.”

I was trying to do it “right.”

The thing is, some things that might be working for them were not feeling right for me. And no matter how powerful these things are for others, if they are not feeling right for me, they are not going to work for me.

After connecting with my higher self through meditation, quiet moments and a little help from my coach, I realized I was trying to implement some ideas in my business, not because I wanted to, but because I thought I “should.” It didn’t take me long to realize it was scoring less than a 7 or 8 on my “Happiness Meter.”  This was the inner struggle.

As soon as I realized my inner conflict, it was like a huge space opened up around me. Instead of feeling the constricting emotions of worry and doubt and trying to “make” it happen, I felt optimistic and hopeful again… expansive emotions! Instead of listening to my ego tell me what I should be doing, I followed my heart and listened to my intuition. My inner peace returned. From this place, I do what I love and love what I do. I trust the right people will find me.

And that’s exactly what showed up. As soon as I made the connection and let it go, I received three new clients in three days. Once again, my world is immersed in connection, love and joy!

Take a moment now and look around your world. What do you see in your life that is reflecting back your beliefs, fears or emotions? Begin by asking yourself these questions:

* Do I constantly find myself struggling with money? If so, what are my deeper beliefs around money and people who have money?
* Are people around me angry? Where am I holding anger?
* Do I feel judged by others? How might I be judging myself?

On the other hand,

* Do I see the beauty around me? If so, I know my own beauty.
* Do I make friends easily? Are people attracted to being with me? If so, I am comfortable with myself.
* Am I surrounded by love? If so, I love.

Get curious and remember to have compassion for yourself and for your world.  You are awakening to a place of empowerment…and a higher truth.

Gratitude is an attitude we cultivate with practice.  It’s a tangible force.  Think of it as a muscle we develop over time.  The more you use it the stronger it gets.

It is one thing to be grateful for things that feel good and are already creating and generating happiness.  It’s another thing to be grateful for the “hard stuff.” You know, those times where your heart’s been broken, you’ve lost your job or things just aren’t going the way you want them to.  In these moments it’s easy to reach for self-pity, doubt, victim and blame; the world of your negative ego.

As I was leaving my house for an appointment today, my car didn’t start.  At first I was frustrated at my husband for not being there to help me.  Next, I was angry at the universe for making it hard.  Finally, I took some deep breaths, called the person who I was meeting and told them I’d be late.  I got my bike and helmet from the garage and started down my driveway.  I wasn’t one minute into it before I realized what a blessing this had become. Being on my bike was exactly what I needed!  In that moment, I felt a wave of gratitude come over me.  I was grateful for the beauty of the day, the fresh air on my face, the exercise I was getting and the time to slow things down and notice.  This felt great and it was much more spacious and liberating than the frustration and anger I was previously feeling.

Gratitude at this level is about being aware and taking personal responsibility for what’s going on and it’s impact on you.  It’s easier to numb out in drama rather than trusting in the lesson or the bigger picture. You cannot be in your negative ego and feel gratitude at the same time.  Gratitude helps you take your mind away from the fear or anger and redirect it toward trust and peace.  Now really, where would you rather hang out?

I’m not saying don’t feel the pain of anger or sadness.  Releasing clean emotions is important and healthy.  But the key is to release them.  Let them go and quickly reach for gratitude.

Gratitude is an expansive emotion.  In other words, the more you feel grateful the more things you will create to be grateful for.  It propels you forward in confidence, peace and trust.  And, it feels good!

Below are seven ways to generate more gratitude in your life:

1. Every morning upon awakening or in the evening before falling asleep, remember five things you are grateful for. Actually saying them out loud turns up the gratitude volume.  By hearing your voice say the words you are taking them out of your head and really claiming them as yours.
2. Keep a gratitude journal. Add to it when you are feeling particularly grateful.  Pouring stories, photos, words and pictures into this journal is like pouring this higher frequency onto the pages.  Then, when you are in a funk and need a little help accessing gratitude, you can open up the book and reconnect to this wonderful energy.
3. When things aren’t going in the direction you desire, drop out of your head (where your ego lives) and into your body.   Slow things down by taking a few deep breaths and get curious.  Ask yourself, “Where is the gift here? How could this be propelling me in a more positive direction?  What would it be like to trust in this moment?”  Try to see the glass half-full instead of half-empty. What are your blessings instead of your problems?
4. Get into the habit of tapping into gratitude through out your day. Safely arriving at your destination, reconnecting with a loved one or sitting down to a meal are all perfect times for this.
5. Remember to be grateful for the simple things. Spend time in nature taking in the natural beauty around you.  Listen to the sweet sounds of the birds, feel the wind on your skin and smell the freshness in the air.
6. Look in the mirror and thank your body for taking such good care of you.
7. Tell someone you love just how grateful you are to have them in your life.

In fact, why don’t you do that last one RIGHT NOW!

There used to be spaces in life that were sacred: walking along a beach, hiking in the mountains, traveling on planes, being in the bathroom or in bed even. Places you had space to BE, and the space to check in with yourself and hear those still, small voices that guide you and keep you true to yourself.

Do you remember those days?

Now there’s televisions in the bedroom, cell phones or an iPad beside the bed, and most people are reachable on the beach, in the mountains and in their most intimate moments!

To have sacred time for yourself, space to nourish yourself and your creativity, the opportunity to hear your intuition and stay true to yourself today, takes a deliberate act. For most, it needs to be scheduled into a calendar.

You are likely busy, busy, busy. And, it does take courage to step into the unknown. Who knows what you will discover!? But at the same time you know it is so worth it! You remember what it’s like to discover YOU.

The fastest and easiest way to reconnect with YOU, is with a guide. Someone who provides structure and focus and creates a safe environment for your journey. You get to unplug, knowing you are not alone, and that everything is taken care of. It’s the ultimate gift to your self. The ultimate gift to request from those who love you, because it’s like being wrapped in a big warm fluffy blanket by the fire on a cold wintry night – you will feel nurtured, nourished and be supported to open to the magnificence of who you really are. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

And this is just what a retreat gives you.

Here are 7 reasons you really need to include regular retreats in your schedule.

To retreat is committing to a time and place to officially STOP the day-to-day business of your life. Taking care of others, adding and checking things from your “to-do” list, answering the phone, being on the computer may all help to make your life complete, yet these things are also keeping you from that deeper voice and connection that is calling to you every day.

Saying “yes” to a retreat is committing to an actual event where you give full attention to you, with focused activities designed to explore, experience and nurture your true Self. As you do, you begin to awaken to the impact it’s been having on you and your life by staying busy (and distracted) and NOT making time to go within to reunite with your inner-Self. Your retreat allows you to awaken to the more “real”, as you begin to understand how true happiness is actually an inside job.

For most people, it’s difficult to make the time to stop and go within, even for just 30 minutes a day. By committing to a retreat, you are saying “yes” to that part of you who is patiently waiting to go within. When you actually set an intention and make a commitment to reconnect with your inner world, “magic” begins to happen. Things begin to fall into place, doors open for you and just the right people appear.

When you carve out specific time to reconnect to your feminine energies you add richness to your life that helps you feel complete. You feel grounded and centered and connected. When you retreat, you are able to find your true essence from a place of empowered feminine energy. Honoring yourself from this place, you are able to make choices that are authentic and powerful. Choices that are right for you. And when you make choices that are authentically right for you, everyone and everything around you will be positively impacted. You actually return a changed person.

By unplugging and being with a group of powerful women, you are surrounded by the powerful energy of those who see you for who you truly are. They do not know the stories you’ve told yourself about what is not possible for you. They see you as the magnificent woman you are. You recognize yourself in them. You start to remember who you really are.

By removing yourself from your usual environment, you put yourself in a space of possibility. No matter how loving your friends and families are, they are not always supportive of you making changes, you going for more joy, fulfillment, magic and self-expression. In addition, the energy patterns in your environment hold you in a certain way of be-ing. When you step into the sacred space of a retreat environment, changes and making choices that support living your life more fully, are made easier.

When you participate in a guided retreat, with all the richness of a journey designed to bring out your brilliance, you have the opportunity realign with who you really are. It is so easy to feel off track or lost and not know what you are here to do. A retreat will give you that place to rest. That place to explore where you want to go from here!
Are you waiting for the call to step forward to reclaim your divine feminine power and reconnect to your soul? If so, it’s time to retreat. Know that whenever you make a move that’s for your highest good, the Universe steps in to support you … and magic happens. You do not need to know HOW it will happen.

First, you need to heed the call to adventure.

YOU are invited to join us at a 5-day retreat in New Zealand, in March 2012. What better way to begin this most powerful of years? Please come check it out at www.nzretreats.com.  If you have any questions at all, please contact me at cindy@openingdoorswithin.com. I’d love to talk with you about whether this is the right thing for you, and how you can make it happen easily.

I’m excited. Is this YOUR time?

Did you know your “reality,” or what you are experiencing in your life, is a direct reflection of what you are feeling inside?

Here’s how it works.  Your thoughts and beliefs create your emotions. Your emotions create how you feel.  This feeling is a frequency of vibration or resonance. The better things feel, the freer and lighter you feel and the higher the vibration or resonance. The darker things feel, the more constricted and tight you feel and the lower the vibration or resonance.  Whatever you are feeling in your body, you are attracting and creating more of in your life.

Now listen closely. Your emotions attract the circumstances of your life.  Your circumstances do not create your emotions. In other words, nobody or nothing can make you feel a certain way.  You already have those emotions inside you.  The circumstances/people are the trigger to bring them to the surface and have you feel.

Unless they’re extreme, you’re generally not aware of your emotions. Yet this awareness can be a monitor for what is showing up in your “reality.”  When you allow emotions to control you, you can feel like a victim of your own life.  With awareness and practice you can actually choose your emotions. In other words, with awareness and practice you can actually create your life.

Here are some suggestions for consciously lifting your frequency of vibration to attract and create more of what you desire…more joy, more love and more fulfilment!

1. Notice and give attention to what you are grateful for. It’s easy to get caught up in what is not going right in your life, instead of appreciating the things that are. Notice the difference in how your body feels.  Remember, what you give attention to increases. A daily prayer of gratitude, keeping a gratitude journal, and paying attention to what’s going right can make a big difference in your vibration. Remember, the more you are grateful, the more things you attract to be grateful for.
2. Make food choices that support your body. Processed foods are dead energy. Live foods give you vital energy. It is important to notice the foods you choose and when you choose them. When we are vibrating at the lower vibrations of fear, anger and despair, we are more attracted to consuming lower vibration foods that have little life force, such as refined or processed food. When we feel alive and inspired, we crave food that shares our life force. Raw veggies, whole grains and other unprocessed foods raise or match our higher vibrations.
3. Don’t stuff your uncomfortable emotions. Get curious with them.  Is there a story here that is creating self-pity, blame or jealousy?   If so, let go of the drama.  Remember, it’s a choice.  No one can make you feel a certain way.   If these are “authentic emotions” without drama such as sadness or anger, safely feel and release them so you can raise your resonance to a higher frequency.  Treat yourself to a good cry or scream into a pillow.  You’ll be glad you did!
4. Consciously choose who you spend time with. Are your friends or family sarcastic, mocking and cynical or supportive, optimistic and inspiring? How do you feel when you are with them? Do you aspire to be like them or do they leave you feeling lost, cynical or angry?
5. What information are you consuming? How is the information in the newspaper and on T.V. impacting you? When watching or reading, how are you left feeling? Most often, the news reports problems, negative issues and things to fear. Movies that bring fear will leave you feeling fearful and filled with dread.  How inspiring and uplifting is the evening or morning news for you? Could you trade that for something that leaves you feeling better?
6. Spend time in nature. Have you noticed how great you feel after spending time at the ocean, in the mountains or after a rain shower? Fresh air, trees, and water all contribute to an increased flow of oxygen to the brain, resulting in more mental and renewed energy. As air molecules are exposed to sunlight, moving water and air, they create negative ions. Negative ions raise your vibration so you attract a higher vibration of people and experiences.
7. What music are you listening to? Music can certainly raise or lower your vibration. Notice how you feel when listening to a beautiful or fun piece of music. Have you ever felt like you just had to get away from certain types of music? Surround yourself with music that feels good!
8. Spend time moving in your body every day. Movement gets things circulating. It helps to clarify, purify and strengthen your energy and promote physical and mental health. I love to put on some fun music and dance at least once a day! Try it!
9. Connect with your inner self with quiet time alone. Take time to notice what you feel on a regular basis. Keeping busy, reading, watching T.V. or spending time with others can be a way of numbing out. It’s important to stop every day and check in with YOU. Whether it’s sitting in the sun, going for a walk or writing in your journal, time alone allows you to center and reconnect to yourself again.
10. Clear your clutter. It takes time, focus and commitment to keep up with clutter, but the impact is incredible. Do you remember the last time you cleaned your closet, garage or desk? How did it leave you feeling? (My guess is you probably sneaked a peek at it later that same day so you could get that fine feeling again!)

Stop for a moment now and focus your attention on how you feel. Drop out of your head and into your body and ask yourself, “How am I feeling in this moment?”  On a scale from one to ten, one being the lowest and ten being the highest, what is your frequency in this moment?  Are you creating more of what you desire in your life or could it be the opposite?

Practice taking note of who you are being. Begin to awaken to the impact of your surroundings, your thoughts, your beliefs and your fears.

Every day, each of us has the opportunity to make many choices that will impact our lives. Some choices will impact us more than others, but each will have some impact on our happiness. The quality of our choices will dictate whether we live a life of struggle and frustration or live a life of love, joy and gratitude.

So how do we know how to make choices that are best for us?

Since most of us do not take the time to go within and listen to what’s really going on, we often end up making choices for the wrong reasons, leaving us feeling empty, resentful and frustrated. We often have subconscious plans of manipulating others and the world around us hoping to find more money, self-esteem, love and/or power.

A client of mine, Lori, has been divorced more than once and is in her mid-forties. She came to me feeling alone, isolated and unhappy. She believed if she could only find someone to love her, then she’d be happy. After some coaching we discovered a pattern. When Lori met an interesting man, she immediately began making choices to please him. She subconsciously believed if she supported and took care of him he would begin to fall in love with her and in return support and love her back.

Although this arrangement may work for a while, it’s a house of cards that will eventually fall down. Lori is making the choice to take care of another with the subconscious bargain of wanting something back in return. This kind of choice will never bring lasting love, security or happiness. What happens if something goes wrong with her plan and for some reason he’s not there? She would begin to feel resentful, frustrated, alone and angry. And worse, she’ll blame it all on him or her circumstances.

Not a very powerful position, right?

Unless she takes care of her own desires and needs first, she won’t have a solid foundation beneath her. To have lasting love and connection, you MUST have love, security and connection within. You must make choices that honor, love and support yourself first.

When you make loving and supporting choices for yourself, you’re creating a strong foundation to build your life from. From this place, you have a deep sense of inner connection, fulfillment and trust. It’s a kind of happiness that is not dependent on what others say or do. It’s deep within you, and one can take it away. When you love yourself on the inside, you become a loving person. When you authentically love yourself on the inside, you have authentic love to give to others. How does it feel to be around someone who authentically loves and respects them self? People are attracted to being with them. They’re lovable.

Now that’s empowered. Can you feel the difference?

How do you know if you are making the right choices?

1. Ask yourself, “Why would I choose to do this? What are my reasons for making this choice?” Without judging, write them all down. Example: Choice: Start a business. Reasons: We need the money. To prove to my husband I can so he’ll finally respect me. This work brings me joy. I love supporting others.

2. Feel into these reasons. Listen to your body’s wisdom. How do they feel? Which reasons leave you feeling constricted and tight and which leave you feeling expansive and open? If your body feels tight, chances are these reasons are coming from a place of fear and neediness. You may succeed, but that success comes with the cost of sacrificing yourself. Instead, if they leave you feeling free and excited, you’re probably making a choice from self-love, inner connection, self-respect and trust.

To have lasting love and happiness, your choices must come from a strong inner foundation. To build a strong foundation, you must intimately know and nurture yourself. How much do you love and nurture yourself? How intimate are you with your inner world?

Clearing your external clutter helps create an environment that sustains you, feels good and feeds your soul. Yet, there is another form of clutter that keeps you stuck from the life you so desire… your internal clutter.

What is internal clutter?

Do you believe that life is hard? Do you find yourself thinking ‘this is just the way it is’? Are you afraid of being judged? Do you compare yourself to others? Do you find things happening to you that are out of your control? Are you surrounded by drama?

Internal clutter keeps you trapped by your limitations and lack of choices. It is ego based and gripped in fear. It keeps you stuck right where you are, from the passionate life you so desire.

Some examples of internal clutter are:

• * Negative dialog. It lives in your head. It is there to object to change, point out your weaknesses and failures, and cite reasons for holding back. Common words are should, can’t, need, must, ought to and won’t.
• * Toxic emotions including, but not limited to, guilt, blame, jealousy, self-pity, martyr, entitlement and victim. These emotions take away your personal power and keep you stuck in your “small story.”
• * Excuses. They help you to avoid being responsible. They leave you feeling powerless, never letting you get to where you want to go.
• * Righteous positions. We don’t want to admit that we are wrong, even if it makes us unhappy. How often do you defend yourself, rationalizing reasons why you made the choice you did, even if it was not a good choice? Do you hold grudges or resentment against others? Do you refuse to forgive? Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or happy?”
• * Self-defeating behaviors. Saying you want to do something (lose weight) and then doing something different (buying chips), distracts you from the life you desire.
• * The need for approval or being offended. Are you easily offended? This is just another person’s opinion. You have a choice to accept it or go on. Remember, your feelings are not somebody else’s fault. Hold up an invisible mirror and reflect it back to where it came. Someone else’s opinion is none of your business.
• * Comparing yourself to others, your need to win, be better than or to have more. This is what I call “false esteem” and in all of these examples, it is driven by your ego. You are not your things or your winnings. You are not the other person. When you give your power over to your things and accomplishments, what happens to your self-esteem when you lose your stuff or your title?
• * Unfinished business. Not forgiving others or giving closure to a circumstance hangs over your head like a weight. This can actually suck the life out of you.
• * Dishonesty. This is the part of you that feels entitled to go outside the “rules.” You believe you are “special” justifying and rationalizing the rules are for others.
• * Denial. Denial tells us “I can get away with this a little longer” or “No one will know.” But you know. How many times are you willing to swear off those destructive behaviors and still not change?

All of these above behaviors erode your self-esteem and keep you feeling powerless.

The first step to changing these behaviors is to NOTICE when you do them. This week, consciously recognize when you are choosing to add this drama into your life. How does it feel? Be honest. Keep a journal and write it down.

The second step is acknowledge how this is affecting your life… your relationships, your marriage, your career, your health, your happiness. What is the cost? How is this holding you back from the life you desire?

The third step is to forgive yourself. We are only human. A wise man once said: “There are no mistakes only lessons. And lessons are repeated until they are learned.” Slow it down, pull it apart, feel the impact, forgive yourself and ask, “How could I do this differently?” Compassion is key.

The Buddhists speak of “Beginners Mind.” Be willing to see through new “eyes” and have compassion for yourself and others.

Practice silencing the above clutter and you will notice a peacefulness take place within yourself. You will start to love and respect yourself and when that happens, everything changes around you. You will experience more peace, love and respect reflecting back to you.

It is a matter of BEING peaceful and loving rather than looking for peace and love outside of you. When you own it within yourself, your whole world shifts.

As with ridding your home of its external clutter, letting go of your internal clutter feels good and it’s a lot more fun!

By Cindy Prosor

Are you ready for more movement in your life? If so, it’s time to move some clutter! Clearing clutter is one of the most powerful things you can do for your life and I talk a bit about this in my 7 Powerful Feng Shui Secrets.

The bottom line here is – clutter is stuck energy. Whenever I coach people who are stuck, I know they have clutter in their home. What you see in your environment is a reflection of what’s going on inside you and vice versa. In other words, outer clutter usually mirrors inner clutter.

Clutter accumulates when energy stagnates. If you want to get moving in your life, start with clearing your clutter first. This is one of the most therapeutic things you can do for yourself and your family.

The same applies to manifesting anything powerful in your life, especially more joy and freedom. If you are ready to expand, getting rid of your clutter is essential. Joy is a surge of energy and you cannot feel it if your channels are clogged. Freedom is expansive and spacious. You cannot get things moving in your life if you are bogged down with dead energy in your space. Think of clutter as a form of constipation. When you have stuck or dead energy in any spot in your home, it keeps you bogged down.

Time and time again I hear stories from clients sharing their experiences of how removing their clutter impacted their life. My own clutter clearing experience happened seven years ago. We took one year to clear the clutter from our family home before moving from California to New Zealand. Taking one room at a time, we tackled such items as old family mementos, grandma’s furniture, shelves of books and toys, as well as many saved items “just in case”. The price of shipping all of our stuff to the other side of the world was our main motivator, but the impact was more freedom and more expansive, lighter energy, which helped to create powerful new beginnings. The amazing thing is when we arrived, we were ready to let go of even more!

Removing clutter can include:

*  Stacks or boxes of paperwork
*  Unfinished projects and to-do piles and lists
*  Broken items you’ve been meaning to get to
*  Old make-up and medicines
*  Collections
*  Books
*  Other people’s clutter that you are watching for them while they travel (are you really doing you and them a favor?)
*  Car clutter
*  Garage clutter
*  Pantry items such as spices, cans and food
*  Photos, especially ones your family handed down to you (do you even know those people?)
*  Clothes that don’t fit or you are not wearing
*  Shoes and handbags
*  Art you don’t love
*  Your inbox on your computer
*  Stuff not put in its proper place

Be aware of what you are enhancing!

In Feng Shui, we have certain tools such as mirrors and crystals that enhance or amplify the energy in a room. You can imagine what would happen if you applied an enhancer such as a crystal to a room with hidden clutter? You would actually enhance the clutter or the ’stuckness’ in your life! It is very important to clear your clutter first before adding any enhancers to your home. You can’t expand good energy until you let go of the energy that is not serving you first.

In fact, applying any and all Feng Shui principles to your environment will have a much stronger effect when you first clear your clutter.

Why do you think it’s more difficult for some people to get rid of their clutter than others? It is my belief that some people will subconsciously keep clutter in order to suppress their own aliveness or numb themselves out. They are actually afraid to get out of their comfort zone to move forward and go into the unknown, so they create and keep clutter as a sort of protection.

If you have a lot of clutter and you find it is difficult to move, just recognizing this will be a powerful first step for you.

Remember, if you want to expand your life, you must first expand your space. Then, slowly begin to add things back into your space that inspire, feed and engage you. Be careful to only add things that express your values and feel good to you.

When you release your old stuff, you are releasing old energy, and by releasing old energy you are making room for new energy or new things to come into your life.