One True Thing

Old is Young Again

2009-12-17T21:39:00.000-05:00

As I was debating what to get my dad for Christmas, I was recalling the stuffed animals that seem to appear in his home and car of late. I was staying at my father's home in Florida over the summer to help out while he was in the hospital. There were an array of stuffed animals strategically placed through-out the house and car. Not just one but many. Not just one theme but a random selection from bunnies to bears. They sit on the couch and floor and even have their own spot in the back seat of his car. I mentioned to my dad that I really liked the life size husky that lays next to the front entrance of his house. He then proceeded to tell me, "I really liked that one too, I wish that I had bought two of them". I said, "What would you have done with two dad"? And he explained, "Well I would have gotten one for the car, but then again he might have been too big for the back seat. I would have hated to put him in the trunk, cause then he wouldn't be able to breath". We both started laughing. Funny how what we enjoy as a child we also enjoy when we are older. I've decided to get my dad a German Shepard stuffed animal this year for Christmas. He had a German Shepard when he was a boy and I think it will be a lovely addition to his collection. When your 82 years-old, you can collect and enjoy what ever you want, even stuffed animals.

Days Past ~ Days Future

2009-12-17T15:03:00.002-05:00

I’ve been thinking a lot of about the past lately. Mainly my mother. My mom died when I was 23-years-old from breast cancer. I learned so much from my mother and still do today. I call up to heaven sometimes and ask her for advice. Sometimes I know the answers to my questions. Other times there is no answer and I wait for a reply. When I don’t get a reply right away, I like to think she is busy dancing, cutting the rug on the dance floor in heaven. I miss her so very much. We were as close as any mother and daughter could be. We’d go shopping at the mall and she would end up buying me something. I can just her voice in the dressing room. Mom: “Well, do you like it?” Me: “Yes I love it”. Mom: “Well, you’re the own who has to wear it”. Me: “Well, I don’t really need it”. Mom: “Well, I’ll buy it. Don’t tell your father”. It was a ritual that we would go through each time. Sometimes though she would say, “Well, I’ll pay half”. I think to make sure I remembered the value of a dollar, which I definitely do.

Now that my wedding is approaching, I’m missing her very much. My father is not able to attend my wedding either because he is very ill with MRSA. I like to tell the story of my mothers' one regret before she died. It goes like this: A month before she died from cancer, my boss at the time went to visit her in the hospital. My mother confided in my boss that she only had one regret in life, that was that she would not be able to see me get married. My boss hesitated to tell me this one regret of my mothers but did anyway. After hearing the story I came home to where we were giving my mother hospice care. Her bed was in the living room facing the stairs. I remembered where my mother kept her wedding dress, tightly packed with blue paper in the cedar chest. I unpacked the dress, put it on and walked down the stairs in front of her. Needless to say it was probably the best and worst moment in my life. Best because I was able to see my mothers face as she looked at me in her dress and worst because I new she wouldn’t be at my actual wedding. She then gave me her wedding dress.

Now it is 23 years later and my father is 82, not in good health and unable to travel or walk me down the isle. There is one part of me that is so thrilled that I will be marring my love. But I try and hold back the tears because the two people that were with me in the beginning can’t be with me to share in this moment towards my future. I know they will be with me in spirit and I hope that on that day, my wedding day, they will be feeling my joy and not sorrow.

Save Now

2009-12-16T15:32:00.001-05:00

So my first post to my new blog was entitled "New Beginings". But of course, I became distracted and stepped away from my computer, came back and clicked on edit posts and POOF it was gone. Lesson learned.... always hit SAVE NOW. New Beginings will be my second post which hopefully will be soon and most likely entitled "Begining Again".

In the begining

2009-12-16T14:36:00.001-05:00

It seems like there are new beginnings each and every day. I thought I should start documenting my new beginning. I look back on my life now in total amazement. Not because I have done anything particularly spectacular, but the journey I have taken without even realizing it. From childhood, awkward teen, to adult on my own.... time really does go fast. Now I'm embarking on a new journey of wife and stepmother. Yes, in 16 days I will be married (for the first time) to the man I have been waiting for my whole life. .

I met with a psychic, hmmm maybe 17 years ago. She told me that the man I was going to be with has always been around the corner. I would find myself over the years trying to figure out who this man was, peeking around the corner, till I finally gave up. Sure enough, he was around the corner all the time. Rick and I actually went to the same high school for a year. Later he married his first wife and they lived in the apartments in Greece right near mine, then he moved into my old neighborhood... then the most important part... I moved next to his Aunt's house. He was helping her one day and low and behold the rest is history. He likes to tell the story that he saw me over the fence and wanted to see my gardens.

Well in 16 days we will be wed. It's exciting that I am going to be married. There seems like there is so much to do but I am just trying to relax and let it all happen naturally