and when they light up our town I just think,
what a waste of gunpowder and sky

I’m sat inside, gazing out the window as the some of the surrounding neighbours set off fireworks. The night is peppered with dull thumps and brittle crackles, garish green flares against black, and in my head the quiet melancholy descends.

It’s been a long, tiring day, facilitating meetings, full of good and bad. I know not to take some of the criticsms personally but they resonate and my natural empathy kicks in. I feel the annoyance and pain, I share the frustration that some things aren’t better, yet I get no gain from the good, from the laughs of the team, their in-jokes pass me by.

I am drained, emotionally and physically.

I watch the short life of the fireworks outside. The temporary brilliance, and powerful death, and the lines of the song reverb round my head.

So that’s today’s memory lane
with all the pathos and pain
another chapter in a book where the chapters are endless
and they’re always the same
a verse, then a verse, and refrain

I write for a living. Well that’s not strictly true these days, but my profession is focussed on technical content, the bulk of which comes in the form of the written word.

I write for a hobby. Mainly here on this blog, and on my other blog, ohh yeah and that blog I hardly ever post to anymore.

And whilst I won’t be tackling NaNoWriMo, again, this year, it remains something that intrigues me (quantity over quality, hell yeah!).

AND.

There it is, that word. And. The also. The join.

My mind tends to form patterns, relating X to Y, noticing that Y and Z are similar in some aspect as well and (ohh there it is again) it will probably try and find a connection between Z and X.

It’s a useful trait, once I’d identified it in myself, and one of which I’m quietly proud. The ability to make connections between ideas has helped my professionally and personally.

It’s also a good word for clarification. Yes it’s a bit rude to respond with a one word answer but it does leave a nice open space into which you can throw additional information. Someone presents you with some information and in one word you can let them expand on it without directing them in anyway.

And?

And ampersands are the graphical representation of this (technically they are a logogram).

And what is the point of all this? I hear you ask.

The ampersand, as a personal motif, fits. It’s a good representation of me, of my attitude to life, and my constant strive to question myself and push myself. I don’t always succeed, but who does?

And.

I’ve decided to mark these thoughts in a very permanent way. Now, when I look in the mirror, my motif will be staring back at me, framing the questions that drive me forward.

Say hello to my new tattoo.

I really would.

Every year that rolls around finds me considering it.

Every year I start to jot down notes (where do you think one man tales came from?).

Every year I visit the website, and get excited at the thought.

Every year I think, yeah I COULD do that.

Every year I think, maybe I SHOULD do that.

Every year I think, maybe that’s just what I need.

Every year I think, yes, this is the year. I will do it!

But I won’t.

Not this year.

I just don’t have the time (such a lame excuse, really).

Even if I was to promise myself to MAKE the time.

I wouldn’t.

I SHOULD.

If it really meant that much to me I would.

But I won’t.

Maybe next year.

Maybe.

Will you?

It seems that, after all the hassle and faffing with the cistern, there has been a leak in the bathroom. We did hear a couple of drips yesterday, but they had stopped (replaced, I presume, with a steady leak).

We mopped up, turned the water off and phoned the insurance company, they took our details and said they’d get someone to phone between 8am and 9am. Which, of course, didn’t happen. So I phoned them and was told someone would phone me soon, which they did (funny how that works) only to tell us that the guy in our area had phoned in sick, so it’ll be tomorrow before he can come out.

So we’ve got the heater on in the kitchen to dry it out as much as we can (it’s doing the job well) and just when I’d started to relax I heard a dripping noise. Yup, it looks like the flashing around the porch is leaking again, despite being replaced last year.

Frankly I’m of a mind to get all this fixed then sell this bloody place as it’s been nothing but hassle (I’d burn it down but it’s too damp). We did get this house very cheap because it needed work but this constant worrying about money is getting really really old.

I’m pondering switching from dark maroon to blue.

I’m still faffing with Yahoo Pipes (which power this).

I’m writing up a proposal for a “community website” for a professional organisation I’m a member of (the ISTC).

I’m drafting blog posts sparked by conversations with some fellow professionals last night, one of which is “How I use Twitter”.

I’m slowly getting my gym mojo back, and quiet pleased that I’ve not put on any weight in the past two weeks (not lost any either but that’s a different story).

I’m planning ahead for the next couple of months, and wondering how to tackle some stuff in the New Year.

I’m laughing at the cat who is sleeping in a cardboard box next to me and who is snoring.

I’m remembering we are going out tonight and need to order some pizza to take with us (that was the deal, we’ll bring pizza, they provide beer).

I’m mostly daydreaming and wasting time when I should be having a quick shower and getting changed for tonight.

I’m wondering if I should even post this at all, as it’s a feeble excuse for a blog post and I had promised myself I’d do better.

Fuck it.