What trips up most entrepreneurs & leaders? It begins with their ability to know their landscapes and leverage them to the best business advantage.  Are you leveraging ALL of your landscapes?

On Monday, March 4th, Jessica Rivelli hosted the Working Women of Tampa Bay monthly Coaching Call focus on Emotional Intelligence: The Next Frontier in Business Edge. Noticing that there is SO much land to cover, I’ve typed up the meat & potatoes of the call for everyone to feast on.  Enjoy!

Keep reading to learn more about Emotional Intelligence, get quick links to assessments, and techniques to increase your EQ!

Traditional Landscapes we learn about in business school or in the school of hard knocks may include areas like:

• Financial Landscape (Price Points, Budgets, Profit & Loss Statements, Negotiations, etc.)
• Target Market Landscape (geographic, demographic, and psychographic infor)
• Marketing Landscape (where to be, what to say, how to follow-up. Etc.)
• Competitive Landscape

According to Experts…by the year 2020, the landscape of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), will be in the top 5 skills needed to compete globally.

Business owners, entrepreneurs, leaders and recruiters are headed off to study and learn more about EQ every day with questions like: What is Emotional Intelligence…Why should I care… How does it impact me…, and…What can I DO about it?

The remainder of this blog post answers these questions AND provides you with some free assessments you can take to start surveying YOUR landscape of EQ!

What do these have in common?

• Creating an annual marketing strategy
•  Creating a budget
•  Building a non-for-profit website
•  Offering the ‘sale’ at a trade show
•  Creating a vision and mission statement
•  Conducing target market research
•  Determining price structure
•  Requesting $5M in capital from 1 source

*** Each of these tasks, was a CRUCIAL step-forward for each business owner and the success of their business…AND, while it may seem common to you and I seeing it from the outside…for each individual, it was a major challenge…EMOTIONALLY.  The tasks were put off for weeks and weeks, as the business owners dealt with overcoming their emotional challenge of the big, hairy, audacious task.

AND…it was usually tied to “Playing Not to Lose”…rather than ‘”Playing to Win” and growing in their business.

It was tied to a ‘lack’…and it was tied to something they had come to believe they were deficient in, personally.

EQ at Work is 58% of Job Performance

Your Emotional Landscape…is CRUCIAL to making wise decisions. Here are a few real life examples of clients, making emotional decisions in their businesses…which cost them time, productivity AND money until they managed the decisions rationally.

• Price Points & Target Markets based on feelings
  • “I ‘feel more comfortable working direct to consumers and only charging $79, even though I know large companies will pay $500 – 1500 for my services.”
    • ***Turns out, this person was intimidated by the process of ‘how to’ get a foot in the door.  After we got rational, our coaching session focused on the step-by-step process for identifying, and breaking the ice with these companies.  In fact, we created the ‘call list’ and the scripts.  Took about 30 minutes.  This client was hired within 2 weeks for a $1500 workshop, as opposed to spending the time, energy and effort to market to individuals, getting maybe 8 individuals to an event.
• “I know that there are other places that charge more, but we have customers who will leave if we increase our price.”
  • Turns out it was 3 out of @ 1500 clients.  When the client saw the actual number, and we calculated a new price point and a plan for working with these 3 ‘old’ clients, the business launched the new price point. To the owners surprise, customers were HAPPY that they were finally charging more. It actually made them MORE comfortable to refer their friends and family.  Why? The old price point made it seem like it was too cheap for a reason.
  • Financial planning for growth stages
    • “I’m so busy running my business, I know I NEED to sit down and forecast when I can hire more help, its just I don’t have time.”
      • Getting deeper in the conversation, the person was insecure about “how to” pay someone, if they would be able to work for what the pay would be, etc.   In a single coaching conversation, we created a growth matrix where we were able to forecast the costs of the business and the profits needed to take on the new person at either a part-time, or full-time fee.  We also brainstormed personal contacts at the local universities to inquire about internships.  The total time…less than 90 minutes.  This client now has 1 FT, 1 PT and 2 interns on board.

EQ at Work is 58% of Job Performance

The Emotional Landscape – Its all about 4 key areas:

1. Self Awareness – Emotional Self-Awareness, Accurate Self Assessment, and Confidence
2. Self-Management – Self-Control, Transparency, Adaptability, Achievement Drive, Initiative
3. Social Awareness – Empathy, Organizational Awareness, Service Orientation
4. Relationship Management – Inspirational Leadership, Developing others, influence, change catalyst, conflict management, building bonds, teamwork

SELF –AWARENESS

1. Knowing how your emotions affect your acts
2. Knowing why your emotions affect your acts
3. Knowing your strengths AND your limits…and where to improve
4. Having certainty about your value, your values, your capabilities AND your goals

a)       Knowing how your emotions affect your acts

1. The science behind emotions: When you encounter a situation, your brain quickly (within seconds…less than 30) gets to work trying to figure our the ‘rightness’ and ‘wrongness’ of the situation.  If your brain determines its wrong, in any way shape or form, no matter how slight or extreme…your Adrenal Glands begin to send cortisol up into your limbic brain – into the Amygdala – which starts the decision making process, what to do!  And you go into FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE.  Often times, without even thinking about it.  It may mean you ‘attack’ a co-worker/employee/customer with harsh words in your ‘best’ day you would never DREAM of doing (fight), it may mean you ‘leave the face of the earth’, getting yourself engrossed with email or detail work that takes you away from having to deal with a situation (flight) or it may mean you sit and stare blankly at a computer screen, TV or the person speaking at the front of the room – stunned and doing nothing (freeze).  In any case, your emotions are leading the decision making.

BBB Email about a complaint against me last week…

Here is a personal, real life example of the Amygdala Hijack in action…can you relate?

I was in the middle of an extremely important conversation, dealing with finances in my personal life when my smartphone ‘binged’ an alert to me of an incoming message.  “BETTER BUSINESS BURUEA – Notice of Complaint Against Oncore Performance Company – 48 Hour Response Required!”

Once I read the headline, I could feel the hot rush of blood and adrenaline fill my body – and my brain.

“What?!?!  Who on EARTH could have put a complaint in about me?  Have I really been THAT bad at something?  And why would they have not come to be first?  OMG!! What about my reputation?  What will happen…how do I handle this?  I’ve gotta call my colleagues and find out what to do to manage this!”

 The irrational scramble took about 2 minutes of my time.  And then, I put a little EQ into action.

Before I go into full-blown tizzy…it was time to slow down, and go right to the source.

I called the BBB, and found out…the email was a phishing scam.  If I had chosen to open the attached file, and download it to my computer, it would have attached a password virus to my computer which would have secured all my private information and let it right into the hands of identity thieves.

Talk about a HUGE cost to my business and personal life.  Good thing I stopped and got emotionally managed when I did!

 Do you fire, before you aim?

 Some Techniques to Stop An Amygdala Hijack

 Notice the Physical Flags…

When the adrenaline is running in your system (and it doesn’t have to be intense, it can be minor even)…your body reacts to the stress.  You can notice that you have some emotional management to attend to by doing a ‘survey’ of your body.

-          Muscles –  check your Jaw, ,Shoulders,  Face (eyebrows), Hands, Stomach

-           Breathing – check your pace, Depth (shallow/deep)

-          Temperature Sensations – check if you are hot, cold,  sweaty, chilled

1. Name the Feelings You Are Storing/Having – Anger, excitement, happiness, fear, tenderness, etc
2. Identify to what degree you are experiencing them (annoyed & irate  -both are forms of anger, in different intensities)
3. Ask – how are these emotions factoring into my decision making?

This quick 30-90 second stop, may give your brain the stop it needs to get into your more strategic, and wise thinking zone.

Emotional T-Chart (7 minutes)

1. Get a piece of 8.5×11 paper
2. Title at top…describe in a title, the circumstance you experienced recently, that involved emotions
3. Left column – write down the emotions you are/were having
4. Left Column – write down how these emotions are driving you to act (E.g. I was inconsiderate to Mary and used language I am embarrassed by; I felt such a rush that I went out a bought the new equipment on credit, knowing it would put us in a jam.)
5. Right Column – write down the answer to this question, “What does this TEACH me, if I let it?”  If you were not playing to be right/wrong…and you were playing to grow & develop…what does this situation TEACH you?
6. Right column – write down the answer to these question, “What is the healthiest action to take to move forward, now?  What personal values doe I GET to live by taking THIS action, now?”

Ploughing your EQ Landscape…a place to start – survey the land

Taking time in your life, to survey your emotional landscape, is about reflection and forecasting.  In the traditional business landscapes this sort of thinking helping companies develop new products, or improve processes, and at times…stay away from courses of action.  The same benefits can come to YOU when you take the time do this for….YOURSELF.  Start by asking:

• What is one area of your professional/personal life, where emotions are impacting you?
• How are you thinking, what are you doing, what you saying…when you have these feelings?
• How is this impacting your performance?
• What personal values is this keeping you from displaying?
• What goal/s are these keeping you from achieving?

Looking for a FREE way to get feedback about YOUR emotional intelligence?

In prep for a few speaking engagements I’ve been hired to deliver, I came across several resources. I logged into each one and tried them out for a spin.  Here are just a few I might suggest you check out too…

• Coming from UCL (University College London): http://www.psychometriclab.com/Default.aspx?Content=Page&id=14  This site offers an entire list of self-scoring assessments for EQ available to print in PDF or Word.
• This is a fun quiz, to see how you do with identifying emotions in others:  www.berkeley.edu/ei_quiz

Looking for more of a 1:1 approacht to help you increase your EQ?

Certified Executive & Business Coach, Kathy Potts, has been coaching entrepreneurs, business owners, leaders and professionals for over 15 years.  It begins with an assessment called CORE Map, and measures a person’s emotional intelligence, among a variety of other areas..  Through 1:1 coaching, customized to YOU, where you are in life/business, and what makes sense for your goals…Kathy can help you develop your Emotional Intelligence Landscape for the good of your business.

Reach out to her about coaching YOU and your next level of success!  Kathy@thekathypotts.com

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AT WORK

Kathy has created a hands-on ½ day seminar for individuals and groups to take an EQ  assessment & practice improving their EQ skills.

 This 3-hour event takes place on May 16^th, from 1:00 – 4:00 at The Oxford Exchange.

Seating is limited to 20, so save yours today!

http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/

“I care more about the relationship than this instance.” 

From time to time, these were the words I would speak to my old boss at HSN, someone whom I had vested in and come to care very much about, dare I even say love?

In an effort to maintain the health of the relationship, we would look for ways to support one another.  Support was the first focus.  Facts mattered only to the degree that we could find solutions to our challenges.  Feelings were discussed as a way to grow and understand one another.  Listening was high…the need to be right, wrong, justified, validated…blamed or blameless, seemed to not exist.

If an Emotional Intelligence Expert were to take a peek at these moments, I’m pretty sure our Relationship Management score would be up near the 91.3% rank.

Time marched on and my boss was promoted, as was I.  It was an intense time for me, as I had never been a leader before, much less a leader running the leadership development department!

Sure I’d read the textbooks, but I had never had this level of responsibility before.  This was also the case for my boss – as he moved into a world that required 110% of his time to learn.  His ability to pour into me decreased at a time I needed it most.

The time we spent together decreased, and a gap began to grow between us.  With a lack of time together, a widening gap between discussions, a crunched calendar to take care of business, much less hold meaningful conversations …the room to have an emotionally healthy relationship was being squeezed out.  Before long, the instances and circumstances became more important than the care of the relationship.  And eventually, ‘it is what it is’ and ‘its business, not personal’ were clichés used to brush off the fact that the relationship had deteriorated.

Rather than providing a rope of help to one another while we were in ‘the holes’, we would point out the dirt and give advice on how to use the shovel we were holding, as we dug ourselves deeper and deeper into the trouble.

The ropes we once tossed into those holes had been carried away with the tidal wave that took the tree they were tied to.  Our ropes were not tied to a foundation that would test the storms, sure to come as a part of work, and life.

It took work for me to stand in a position of ‘I care more about the relationship, than the circumstance’.  It required sacrifice – giving up having to be right, giving up being safe, and giving up what my emotions felt like doing, for the sake of growth.  I was clear when we were on par…what my position was.  When I was in this position, the relationship was like a tree – focused on growing.

When I lost perspective…not getting my needs met, the relationship became a scale, measured by which side was tipped and to who’s favor.  My focus was more about tipping the scale of right & wrong.  And it brought out the worst in me.  It added to the me I did not want to be.

Insecurity.  Jealousy.  Guilt.  Shame.  Anger.  Frustration.  When any of these exist in your relationships…it’s a red flag that you are about to dig a hole…or choose an opportunity to bring rope to the party.

It will require 2 decisions on your part

DECISION 1 – Can you sacrifice your selfishness?  Are you willing to not have to be right, to not have to win, to get uncomfortable and risk being vulnerable?

DECISION 2 - Where you will tie your rope.  Will you tie it to a tree – a sturdy source, so long as the conditions are right?  Or…with you tie it to a rock – a source that holds true, allowing the water to rise and fall while it stays steady?

It took me a long time to understand my part in the deterioration process of relationships that mattered to me.  It has taken an even longer time to understand what my values were – my solid rocks, no matter what the storm.

The payoff?  I have better relationships today than I have EVER had in my life.

Professionally AND personally.

Where are you on YOUR path of relationship management?

Here’s a place to start your evaluation…

When you see someone in need, do you explain the hole to them?

Do you add to the pressure of how they got there? 

Do you evaluate the dirt they are digging, kicking a little more into the hole?

Do you talk to others about their hole, and the construction of it?

 Do you give them a shovel? 

Is this who you want to be?

Relationships take work.  Working on a relationship takes time, effort, and a level of maturity that is not 50%/50% all the time.  Usually, at least one of the two partners is experiencing personal growth in an area where the other, can support that growth through caring dialogue.

Start getting into the game of measurements however, and each circumstance becomes a stamp in the passport leading to a rocky terrain.

Here’s a place to start some new relationship management acts…

Mind your manners – take note of how often you own YOUR part in a situation, and speak up.  There are three phrases to monitor.  How often do you use these phrases when it counts…and how often do you get stuck in your self…and keep yourself from saying:

1.         “Thank You”
2.        “Please”
3.       “I’m sorry”

These three phrases may just begin to show that you care more about the relationship, than the circumstance.  They may turn the shovels into rope with those you care to build relationship with.

There are PLENTY more activities and exercises you can learn about and practice.

Keep your eye on Emotional Intelligence resources, and look up “relationship management” to find your way to methods that work for you.

If you want to put yourself into a workshop setting, check out my live event on Thursday, March 7 in Tampa, FL. www.emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com

Engineers and architects were born to build.  For as long as history has watched them innovate their craft, they continue to push the envelope.  Just today, I came across a Dutch company that has invented a machine that can lay 300 square yards of road in a day, combining gravity and an electric motor.  The art of creating a pathway was…reinvented.  Check our the story by clicking on the image – way cool.

The builders of our world, are the ones who look at their resources and say…”So now what do I do with this?”  In a way, Dorothy, a young girl from Kansas, was an engineer of her future.  In the wizard of oz, she could have very well gotten swept-up in the tornado, crash landed among the little people and set-up shop there on the side of the road…a victim to circumstance, a munchin hobo.

But she didn’t.  She moved past the crash.  She had a goal – to get home.  And in her search for how to get there, a path was pointed out to her.  Follow the yellow brick road.  Trusting Dorothy decided to go ahead and follow this path, a path someone else had made, that would lead her to answers and a solution.  In the end, the path led to her how two feet and a decision that there’s no place like home.

A good friend and advocate of entrepreneurs is Kim Kenney.  Kim spends portions of her time, helping small business owners get out of their own way by helping them see different paths to take them to ‘Oz’.  In addition to supporting small business in Tampa, FL she finds time to fulfill her passion for art.  Thanks Kim for the picture of your Dorothy Wine Glass…the timing is perfect! 

Moving on…

This week I had the great fortune of talking about walls and walkways with someone I’m coaching.  Sitting in The Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida…we were surrounded by beautiful 1920’style architecture.  White brick walls held up high arched ceilings.  And outside, the old road was worn red brick. 

The conversations with this student, center on helping her ‘find her way home’ in her career.  During our conversation, the question arose, “How can I finally get over being ridden with guilt for the messes I’ve made?” 

Do you obsess about your past at times?  Want to get over it? Keep reading…and check out the ½ Day Emotional Intelligence at Work seminar I’m leading on March 7^th in Tampa, FL http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/

Every moment in life, is a resource if we so choose to see it that way.  It is lets say, a brick.  What we choose to build with that brick makes a world of difference in our lives.  Sometimes we use our bricks to build foundations.  Sometimes we use our bricks to prop doors open.  As it relates to the messes we make in our lives, people usually choose to make two things from their pile of bricks:

1. Walls
2. Walkways

Walls

When we make a mess, a brick is formed, and we put it infront of us.  We make our first brick when we are young.  When we feel anything negative about that moment or mess, the brick is now part of a wall that starts just infront of our toes.  In life, with each mess similar to the last, the wall gets wider, taller…and fortified.  Before you know it, you are stuck behind a wall make of your own mess. 

Walkways

A time comes, when we no longer want the wall.  When we are ready to tear down the wall and renovate our experiences with these messes.  We are ready to get to work, building and innovating our path.  Its at THIS time, these exact same bricks…can be reused, for progress.  Taking a brick down from the wall means handling it, looking at it, and making a decision about where to place it FOR you.  The brick is put under your foot, now part of your pathway, a resource for you to step on, step over and USE to move forward.

These metaphors are nice…but do they hit home?  Let me ask you…are your messes keeping you stuck…or, are they taking you home?

In the conversation with my client, it seemed a good idea to go through an exercise to change walls into walkways.  I introduced my client to a tool used to increase Emotional Intelligence (what is EQ? Check out my ½ Day workshop)

Walls To Walkways Exercise

1. On a piece of paper, draw a line down the center vertically (top to bottom)
2. At the top of the paper, create title – it’s the name of your mess.  In this person’s case, “obsessed with guilt over situation x”
3. In the left column, write down your emotions about that mess (e.g. guilt, frustration, anger, shame, etc.)
4. Halfway down the left column answer this question: What do these emotions guide me to do, think, and/or say?
5. Now…in the right column, answer this question: How have I grown for the good, as a result of this experience? 
6. Halfway down the right column answer this question: What emotions do I feel for the positive growth of this experience?

When we were finished with this exercise, the wall was down, and my client was ready to face her next experience.  She realized that she is NOT a collection of her failures, and her love to get to work doing what she was meant to do…was stronger than ever.  Without that experience, without that mess countered by her progress since that mess…she would be sitting on the side of a road, to nowhere.  With the pile of bricks rearranged, she moves forward, stronger.

Does this resonate with you?  Tell us why…share an experience, a tool, a comment.  We ALL learn when we share!

Want to learn MORE? 

REGISTER NOW for Kathy’s EQ at Work ½ Day Seminar.  Seating is limited to 20 due to the venue, so get your seat soon!

http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/

This week launched a 5 week series at my church titled Rearview: Putting your Past In God’s Perspective (http://www.lifepoint.tv/rearview).  The message centered around how much time people spend living their past over and over again in the present day.

Instead of dealing once and for all with the past as a bridge to move forward, people look backwards over and over and over again.  They let feeling the emotions of the past dictate their future, making decisions about their lack of capabilities and values as statements of truth for now and ‘ever more’.

As I was taking notes about how there was a difference between glancing at the mirror to our past and seeing forgiveness, versus glaring at the mirror of our past and seeing a condemned life, something dawned on me.  This isn’t just a spiritual experience.  The rearview mirror is a MAJOR obstacle to achieving business success.

What drives us to glance & glare at our past?

(On March 7th, I will be hosting a 1/2 Day Emotional Intelligence Workshop in Tampa, FL.  REGISTER NOW: http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/)

Having given this some thought, the words GUILT & SHAME came to mind.

There are two different mindsets I take when approaching something that is difficult or daunting.  The first is a mindset of ‘ignorance on fire’…an enthusiastic spirit and the understanding that I don’t have the first CLUE what I’m about to do or how I’ll perform at doing it.  I carry NO worry whatsoever, there is nothing at stake, no risk of my identity here.  No shame.

The other mindset is one of worry, anxiety, and the potential to experience the pain of ‘being found out’.  I approach the situation playing not to lose.  Or, at least, not to lose face.  It is most certainly NOT a ‘fun and exciting experience for growth’.  There is risk.  There is the chance that the experience will expose and further erode a standard I haven’t met, or continue facing and miss the mark on.

According to Wikipedia, guilt has been defined as a cognitive or emotional experience a person has when they believe or realize they have compromised their standards…or what they believe should be their standards.  People take on a mental task of then having to bear some sort of significant consequence for violating this standard – for being less than enough. 

• “If I were a better mother I would…”…bring on the guilt.
• “I should want to prepare my taxes early instead of filing for extensions…” …and guilt sets in
• “If I really cared about myself, I wouldn’t eat …” …and with cookie in hand, the guilt comes
• “If I can’t even do this, what sort of a business owner am I?” …yep, you got it…guilt

We all have a tendency to reflect on the moments in our lives, when we were…less than.  The experiences we carry with us in our rearview are like little stickers that say…’don’t forget, you did this back then’.

I will never forget a moment in time, when this hit me HARD.  It was 2:00 in the morning and I was changing my son’s diaper.  A little voice popped-up and said, “Make sure you don’t touch him inappropriately, after all…you don’t want to be a pedophile.”  SERIOUSLY!!! Where in the world did THAT come from?

I’ll tell you where.  From an experience I had as a child.  For nearly 30 years, that ‘standard’ was sitting there just waiting for me to glance at it in my past so that it could attach guilt into something as simple and innocent as a mother changing her infant son’s diaper.  I had experienced sexual abuse as a young girl, and vowed I’d never be an abuser.  Did I really need to talk myself into NOT abusing my son?

The very thought robbed me of peace in that moment, and the enjoyment of changing a diaper (yes, it can actually be something to look forward to!)

While this example sounds extreme…the experience is NO DIFFERENT from something as simple as a comment about your math skills way back in elementary school that you’ve carried with you into your current ability to balance your budget.

An experience of talking out of turn and getting ridiculed for it in a social setting could be what lays for you in your rearview mirror as you try to network in your professional setting.

An experience of getting taken advantage of monetarily could be what you see in your rearview mirror as you try to put together a fair pricing plan for your goods and services.

These moments of time, where our actions were not ‘up to par’…can condemn our future if not put into perspective and dealt with.

How do I focus forward?

Ahhhh…here is where the REAL work comes in.

The feelings we experience are…just feelings.  They serve as a guidepost to let us know if we are on or off track with where we are going.  But there are far more times than not, that the instrument isn’t working to our advantage.

Take the temperature gauge in my car.  The intent of the tool is to help me know how hot or cold it is outside.  When I first get in my car, I typically notice that the temperature reading isn’t accurately reflecting what I just experienced.  It may say the temperature is 80 when I could swear it feels cooler.  As I drive, the temperature adjusts a bit and before long, I can see that the gauge indicator may have been positioned in the sun in a way that gave me an inaccurate reading.

The same is true with your emotions, and how you manage your rearview mirrors.

When you approach something that starts a negative feeling inside of you, stop an notice that you might be in a situation where you have brought your past into your future.  The ‘sun is beating down’ on a situation or circumstance that may not even be real today.

Getting focused, is about letting go of the past, or at the very least managing the control is has over you now.

I remember carrying a lot of guilt around about being a poor leader to a team of leadership experts.  I was supposed to be this person that demonstrated an advanced level or skill in leading people and teams.  I can certainly share that my behaviors and my standards did not match.

This guilt surfaced whenever I would be asked to lead a project or role for a volunteer organization.

It wasn’t until I settled-the-debt…and took a long hard look in the mirror that I acknowledged a few key points.

1. Just because I was a leader, didn’t excuse me from being a FIRST TIME LEADER.  That’s right, I had NEVER led people, been a manager, much less a Director before.  I was holding myself beyond the standard of EVERY new leader that has to go through this tunnel.
2. I realized, that for good or bad, these folks were the individuals that ‘got the experience of Kathy learning’.  And for that matter, we are ALL the ‘ones that get the experience of THAT person learning’.  Think about it.  Whenever you do something you are learning, there has to be first time, and a second and a period of time where you figure it out.
3. Instead of carrying around the guilt about being a jerk, or inconsiderate, or whatever word I used to ensure I carried a significant emotional responsibility for my actions, I acknowledged my level of ability and focused on where I am TODAY and how I can carry my insights forward…glancing back ONLY to grow, tomorrow.
4. I choose not to ‘try to not be a bad leader’ in each circumstance I face now.  Rather, I choose ‘to be my best leader today, given where I am’.

Where are you living in your rearview?

If there are experiences you keep yourself from having, chances are, you are living your life…in that area, in the rearview mirror.

Perhaps, it’s time to give yourself a little grace…forgive the actions of your past, and start making standards for yourself that move you forward.

(On March 7th, I will be hosting a 1/2 Day Emotional Intelligence Workshop in Tampa, FL.  REGISTER NOW: http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/)

I spoke with an entrepreneur recently, who spent the last 12-months working on improving his personal strength in life, while launching a life-long dream of owning a retail store that sells coffee.  Strength was not necessarily physical strength…but strength to be the person he aspired to be at work, at home, and at play.

The effort has required quite a few ‘looks in the mirror’ – seeing what was there, stating what he saw out loud and accepting it, then moving forward humbly to actively seeking help from others, and finally stop tolerating ‘putting up with’ things in life that held his best at bay.

This is called vulnerability – exposing oneself to the sun of life, and letting it all shine…while ASKING others to see it too. The good, the bad, and the ugly in pursuit of realized potential.  Another way to look at it is, getting over yourself so you can get on with your self.

(*Sidebar – stats show that CEO’s have the lowest Emotional Intelligence Scores in the workplace ~ page 235 from Emotional Intelligence 2.0)

How many of YOU have worked for someone or work for someone now, that you WISH would take a look in the mirror and sum up the courage to take this challenge? How many of you ARE this leader who you know needs to take this challenge?

Something to consider…

A leader’s lack of skills in the area of personal self-improvement and emotional intelligence has been proven to:

(Keep reading for more…)

Only 20 seats are available for the 1/2 Day Emotional Intelligence at Work  Seminar on Feb. 28th.  Secure your seat today! 

…again, a leader’s lack of skills in EQ has been proven to:

• lower everyone’s performance around them, which then trickles down the line
• waste time as people worry more about how to maneuver the reaction of ‘the boss’
• create in-fighting & hostility, as people compete away from being ‘the target’
• corrode motivation & commitment to passionately devote creativity to the organization
• promotes apathy and builds hostility

As employees, we all WISH for a leader that is strong – constant under the load,  and acts with grace under fire.  Finding someone with the courage of a lion, is rare indeed.  Often times, we experience the appearance of a kitten in lion’s clothing.  And yet, we wonder why the employee environment doesn’t improve?  The strength of a true lion, lies in vulnerability and the pursuit of reaching a potential that allows people to grow and flourish…in turn, allowing avenues for these individuals to collectively grow the company.

I am proud to share with you a lion in our midst…the founder of Porchside Coffee & Tea Company, Brian Potts.

Porchside was nothing more than a nice idea, unrealized, for over 22 years.

It wasn’t until Brian was ready to stop being a kitten in lion’s clothing that the dream went from being real…to being realized.

POINT :

When you are ready to stop being unrealized potential…you will decide what to stop tolerating in your life.

In the span of a year, Brian invested in the first step of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)…Self-Awareness.  Basically, this means looking at yourself the way you REALLY are, how you are actually acting.  Not how you want to act…the actual facts of how you DO act.  Not your intentions, your impacts.  Not what ‘they have done to you’, what YOU have done to you.

Getting to know yourself takes work…and energy.  The constant self-review and course adjustment literally means re-wiring one’s brain…and this results in a feeling of ‘exhaustion’.  The brain is actually building new pathways, new thinking muscles.  Just as a muscle feels tired, a person actually feels energized on a deeper level, when the workout is done.  The workout itself will cause the person to feel the sensation of being ‘tired’ – drained of strength and energy.  But, once rested, the person is stronger than they were before the workout.  The tearing of the muscles breaking and being reconnected in a new way, produces strength and increases energy.

CONFUSION SETS IN

For most people, working on oneself can become…too much.  So much so, that MOST people, when they begin this process…stop.  They say they feel tired, when what actually happens is…they are confronting what they tolerate in their lives…mediocrity.  Without any tools, or spotters around, the workout becomes too much.  And while they say they are tired, what happens is…they become weary – having their patience, tolerance, and pleasure exhausted.  This is not physical strength (being tired)…its emotional strength (being weary from mindset & emotions).

A GREAT EXAMPLE…

…of seeing real change, can be seen in the latest movie release of Les Miserables.  The main character reaches a point of pain, weary from being mediocre at best. He vows to move forward and to change, to go past his oppression. In the hallway of grace, a priest giving him solitude treats him above the thief he has been acting like.  In this act of mercy, Jean Valjian realizes he wants to be the better man and the story of an entrepreneur with emotional intelligence begins.   From here he becomes Monsieur Madeleine – a man whose actions employ houses of working women, making crosses, keeping them from the streets of prostitution. His journey of self-awareness and personal grace go from here.

Porchside Coffee & Tea Company had a mediocre shot at being a company when the person running the dream was living life as a person willing to tolerate mediocrity.  When Brian decided he would rather be tired from the workout, than weary from the tolerance…the dream of the business…and the potential of this man in the making, were realized.

Having taken this journey alongside Brian, I am pleased to share this story with you AND, to invite you to experience this realized dream of Porchside Coffee & Tea Company at Bearss Groves in Tampa, FL any Saturday morning.  Its less about the coffee, and more about the quality you will find. 

When you take your first sip, you will find a relationship in your cup; relationship with quality of life and contribution to community brewing in the palm of your hands.  And you will experience a leader, who no longer tolerates mediocrity, yet humbly accepts grace as part of the daily workout of leadership.

Does this article inspire you to WANT to take action?

Here’s a few options for you to being your workout:

1. Start researching Emotional Intelligence – google it.

2. Join my Wednesday EQ Lunch-n-Learns…free 30 minute EQ webinars

i. Join the meeting at:https://global.gotomeeting.com/meeting/join/310090013

ii. Use your microphone and speakers (VoIP) – a headset is recommended. Or, call in using your telephone.

United States: +1 (213) 493-0006
Access Code: 310-090-013
Audio PIN: Shown after joining the meeting
Meeting ID: 310-090-013

3. Register for the ½ Day EQ at Work Seminar held in Tampa, FL on February 28^th

4. Inquire about Kathy’s Fine-Tune Coaching program, coaching you to EQ Breakthru! Call (813) 786-7226 or email her at kathy@thekathypotts.com

Emotional Intelligence at Work

Emotional Intelligence is Hitting Tampa Bay – 135,000 Times!

$29,000.  This is how much those people with higher levels of  Emotional Intelligence (EQ) are making compared to their counterparts.

58%.  This is how much  EQ is contributing to TODAY’s job performance ratings.

90% of high performers, have taken on the challenge of developing their EQ.

With data like this, its no wonder  the Google Keyword tool has shown Emotional Intelligence getting 135,000 hits for the last 3 months.

It doesn’t take much to look around at work and home to see the effects of change and stress.  The ability to handle these is…nothing short of grace under fire.  It is refreshing when we see it, and people admire it when they get to be led by people that have it.

THIS….grace, under fire, is what ultimately contributes to the success of businesses, ventures, work relationships,  social  relationships…and quite frankly, life at home.

After 3 years of recording EVERY SINGLE coaching session I’ve had the privilege of facilitating, the reality is, EQ is the ice-berg to many people’s titanic.

 In business, people spin their wheels messing around with marketing, pricing, sales, finances, production & delivery, and customer service.  The degree to which growth takes place, is usually a DIRECT reflection of the leadership and an ability to act with grace under fire.  Technical skills alone just doesn’t cut it, not anymore.

I work primarily with small business owners, who are entering their second year of business.  These are people who have created just enough systems and habits to keep themselves afloat.  The problem is, they are coping systems and these folks are dog tired.  The complaint is “I don’t have enough time” coupled with “I don’t have enough energy”.  Usually, these individuals continue tackling the to-do lists of their business, and they don’t take time to conduct critical thinking audits.  

These are strategic thinking appointments with themselves and their partners, aimed at growing the company.  With no time to get the day-to-day tasks done, it just doesn’t…feeeeel, quite right to use this time when they neeeeed to tackle fires.  But its this VERY activity, that gives growing entrepreneurs and business owners a break to manage how they are BEING in their business, to realize that this is impacting what they are DOING to manage PRIORITY A tasks away from fires, and onto growth activities.

(Read more for a SIMPLE tip on improving your EQ…and, to register for a FREE 6-week EQ Series)

(Also…reserve your seat on February 28th for EQ at Work – Seating is limited to 20 for this 3-hour event!  http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/)

My goal is to help the economy of the Tampa Bay Area, in a way that is not just needed, but uses my own life lessons (ahem, mistakes)  and talents …making it a love to contribute and live off of the contribution by seeing local business owners, entrepreneurs, and professionals grow their results.  Become closer and closer who they are meant to be.

So to get started, I’ve decided to offer a 6-week EQ Lunch-n-Learn on Wednesday’s from 12:00 – 12:30.  Sitting at the comfort of your own desk, over your lunch…FOR FREE, I will be sharing tips, tools, and activities YOU can do to increase your own EQ.  Tips like:

Understand your mood before it sets the tone for the day.

 This one comes from the idea that your face is your brand, your body is your brand, and your clothing is…your brand.  At the heart of delivering brand YOU…is the mood that sets the tone.  If you are a business owner, or a leader, you can bet…your employees (an at home, your family) is checking the weather  -or, our mood, and deciding what kind of day to give you back.  So, check out this ONE trick you can do every single day, to create a better environment in your head, home, and workplace.

• During your morning routine (which usually involves a mirror), look yourself dead in the eye and name that mood.  Anxious, needy, enthusiastic, apprehensive.  Name that mood – here’s a link to help ( http://moods85.wordpress.com/mood-list/)  Being more self-aware of your mood, can actually give you a few more OPTIONS to choose from. Instead of being in a mood that has chosen you, call out what you are feeling, and make a decision if that’s how you want to go out that front door.  If not…then make a choice to move your mood into a more positive direction .  Name the mood you WANT to feel and…dress the part.  Perhaps there is a shirt to wear, a color to incorporate into the look, a scent to spray on.  Take action to move your mood into something YOU manage.

Lessons like these, will be offered and discussed starting January 30th online.

To play along and participate , follow the  instructions below:

1.  Join my meeting by clicking on this link:
https://global.gotomeeting.com/join/334772757

2. Use your microphone and speakers (VoIP) – a headset is recommended. Or, call in using your telephone.

Dial +1 (213) 493-0614
Access Code: 334-772-757
Audio PIN: Shown after joining the meeting

Meeting ID: 334-772-757

EQ at Work is 58% of Job Performance

Interested in MORE about EQ at Work?  Check out the Eventbrite site, and save your seat.  Seating is limited to the first 20 that register.

http://emotionalintelligenceatwork.eventbrite.com/

“For whatever reason, the surgeon simply felt he was on the correct side of the patient.”  

After an investigation, the bottom line given by the hospital’s chief of staff as to why a woman lost the wrong leg in a surgery.

Ok…how on EARTH, does a highly educated, practicing surgeon with a team of qualified staff, cut-off the wrong leg???

Certainty & Emotions.

Things like education, repeated experience, tenure on earth, and varying roles of social status help us create a story of  being right, so we can avoid the experience of being wrong.  In fact, we can create entire crusades and movements trying to prove just how right we are…even if we are wrong.

Science and industry are wonderful role models in our everyday life and have proven time and time again, believing something is right doesn’t mean we aren’t wrong.

From the world being flat and the universe revolving about the earth, to believing lead paint is the best option and prescribing cigarettes is a sound asthma medicine…science continuously proves we are right and wrong on just about, everything.

Seeing things as they truly are and learning how our emotions fool us, is the gift of hindsight.

And hindsight is…

…a rite of passage.

Alexander Pope was once quoted as saying, “To err is human…”

Being human is synonymous with making mistakes.  But it isn’t the mistake of being wrong that makes us human.  Its what we DO with the realization that matters.

According to Wrongologist, Kathryn Schultz, author of “Being Wrong” (http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong.html), it is how we feel when we realize we are wrong that creates assumptions which get us into trouble.  Wired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain, being ‘wrong’ feels, irrational to human beings.  It instinctively doesn’t make sense.  Without much rational thought, feelings become the managing director of our lives.

But those pesky emotions, and the feeling of being certain or insecure…in the name of being ‘ok’, ‘safe’, ‘stable’, ‘better than’…rob of us our Rites to be Wrong.

Pope’s quote isn’t complete without the final phrase, “To err is human to forgive is divine.”

Chances are you are currently wrong about something in your life that you’re not even aware of yet and are living as though you are right.   We will all probably find out that something we thought to be safe, stable, and good will turn out to be harmful.  Take eggs, chocolate, and wine for example – seems we flip-flop on these every 4-7 years.  Who is right, and who is wrong?

Does it mean our value is diminished, or wiped away when we find out our thoughts and actions were wrong?  Does it mean we are stupid, or in some cases evil?

How about this: it means we are human.

• Learning to expect the unexpected with enthusiasm
• Questioning what we think we know, in pursuit of the possible
• Practicing humility to acknowledge our mistakes as quickly as we discover we’ve made them
• Asking for forgiveness for unintended results
• Allowing room to be grateful for the new chapters which discovery presents

…these are the  Rites to Being Wrong.

Without them, we would not have discovered this round world we live in – fear would have kept us in a flat world.  We would not have discovered particles smaller than atoms, as certainty would stop us.  We would not have repeals of convicted felons based on new data like DNA – as anger would have imprisoned the innocent .  And we would forever define our worth by the deeds of our past…as our emotions play gatekeeper, causing to us repeat only what we know in the pursuit of being right, safe, stable, and better than.

For all you know, your most amazing treasures simply require the mind of an adventurer simply waiting to discovered what can’t even be imagined.

Know YOUR Rites to Being Wrong.  They just might lead you to the best that is yet to come.

In college I studied opera in the studio of world famous Opera Diva, Dr. Yvonne Ciannella.  After working together for just a few short weeks, she gave me some very confusing news:

 “You don’t know how to breath, an until you do…you will NEVER be able to perform!”

I learned that we take an average of 20,000 breaths each day, unconsciously  We simply breath but we don’t pay attention to how.  My habits of unconscious shallow breathing had to be examined. I had to break the autopilot system and muscle memory that was directly competing with my ability to take deep breaths sustaining looooooong notes.

I worked out for 2 hours a day, 6 days a week simply to push my lungs to capacity of ‘having to get enough oxygen’ to sustain the energy.  Running, swimming, and weight training all required different paces, depths, and capacities for taking-in and releasing air.  This study of conscious breathing led to understanding my body and my ability to control the inhale and the exhale of air.

Over the course of time, I learned how to breath…to perform.

When it came to singing, the ability to take in deep breaths gave me the energy to put life into the exhale.  Learning to sustain the ability to exhale with purpose and grace served as the passage into the hearts and minds of my audience.

Your dreams will require you to sustain your energy…and breath is the constant source you will need in order to exhale your visions into realities.

Start your dream differently throughout the day…and learn how to breath!

Keep reading to…

Take this Quiz: Are you A Shallow Breather?

Try this Exercise

Learn These Facts

Are You A Shallow Breather?  Take a Quick Quiz

“Breathing incorrectly can produce tension, exhaustion and vocal strain, interfere with athletic activity and encourage aches and illnesses,” says Nancy Zi, a Glendale, Calif. Based breathing expert.  Breathe correctly however, and you can “melt away tension and stress, improve energy or simply relax and unwind.”

1. Put your palms against your lower abdomen and blow out all the air.
2. Next, take a big breath.
3. Does your stomach pull in?
   1. If yes, you are pushing your diaphragm up so the air has nowhere to go.  Your shoulders are rising, and you are taking a shallow breath.
   2. If no, your abdomen is expanding when you inhale, allowing air to flow in deeply to the pit of your stomach. You are on the right track.

Try This Exercise to Get On the Right Track

1.  Exhale ALL the air out of your lungs to the point you have NOTHING left.

2.  HOLD THIS – do not breath in – for as long as you possibly can.   This exhales ALL the stale air in your lungs.

3.  The hold will require you to GASP for air.

4.  As you take air in open your mouth open as WIDE as it can go and stick your tongue OUT.

5.  Take in as much air as you can. HOLD THIS – do not exhale – for as long as you can.

6.  This will require you to exhale properly (pushing the air out).

7.  Place your hands on your abdomen 1 inch below your navel.   Repeat this exercise…and notice how it feels.

Facts About Oxygen

• ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is known as the ‘molecular currency in energy transfer’ within the human body.  ATP transports chemical energy within cells allowing cells to metabolize.
• The human body carries about 250mg at any given time, and requires the equivalent of its body weight in grams of ATP to function each day.
• ATP is the source from which your cells are able to live and without it, your metabolism immediately stops and within minutes your body begins to die.
• When you breath, oxygen is taken into your bloodstream, picked up by the hemoglobin.
• Your bloodstream then distributes oxygen to the trillions of cells in your body.
• Once at the cell, oxygen produces and releases ATP, which fuels the cell.
• It takes roughly 20,000 breaths to provide enough oxygen to the average shallow-breathing American.
• In a study published in The Lancet, cardiac patients take 12-14 shallow breathes per minutes.
•  6 breaths per minute is considered optimal, according to these cardiac experts.

Create high-performance habits for the success of a lifetime!

Registration Link: http://destinationbreakthru1dayintensive.eventbrite.com/

ONLY 3 Seats Left for Sept. 12th Event!

What do a multi-millionaire, young budding entreprenuer, established business owner, and seasoned professional all have in common?

They are ALWAYS on the quest to create high-performance habits for success and…they ALL seek out THE Kathy Potts for tools, insights, observations and hit-you-between-the eyes ah-ha’s to inspire them into action towards their next level BEST!

 And…they will ALL be at Destination Breakthru™ 1-Day Intensive!!!

Reserve YOUR seat for this 1-Day barrier-breaking, obstacle-busting experience for professionals, leaders, entrepreneurs and business owners. This experience is UNLIKE anything you’ve ever attended!

“As a television personality, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many “life coaches” and motivational experts, but Kathy is the first to impact me on a deeper level.  In a manner of minutes, she identified key issues in life that have been holding me back.” 

~Mrs. Florida & TV Personality, Kellie Lightbourn

 “After just 1 conversation with Kathy, I broke through my own barrier and went from $10K a month to $45K a month in my business within 4 weeks!”

~Serial Entrepreneur, Robyn Donaldson

The hands-on experiences, assessments, individual and group exercises will help you face the threshold of your success…and break through your barriers to the next BEST performance of your personal and professional life!

Why should you save a seat at the Center Club on September 12th, 2012?

Depends…what do YOU do when opportunity knocks?  Look what happened

in just 90 minutes.  What could happen with a full day?!?!

 Experience the Intense Breakthru Technology™

 *Be ready to absorb a personal MBA as you go on a cognitive mind

  safari…in 7.5 hours!

 * Experiences will include  ALL 5 senses…intended to BREAK you THRU

    your OBSTACLES!  You will be taken on an adventure of taste, sound,

    touch, emotion, and aroma all designed to pull you through the experience

   of PERSONAL Breakthru!  

* Be ready to transition through confusion, curiousity, mystery, epiphany and

  application at an accelerated pace.

* Be ready to STOP being sick and tired…but being sick and tired of failing to

  be ALL you are meant to be!

This is truly UNLIKE ANYTHING…you’ve experienced to help you move your mind and activate your feet.  Get out your calendar…save the date…change your life!

“Kathy gave us the tools to not only get out of the caves in our lives, but the connections we would need to STAY out of those places we go when we are held back.”

~Founder of SASI & Author of Cloud Architecture Without the Hype , Bett Correa

Every week, I’m watching my clients transform their language from ‘I  have-to’s’ and ‘I should’s’ over to ‘I get-to’s’ and ‘I will’s’.  Just this morning as a matter of fact, I was sitting in a meeting with 3 other individuals and my clients says, ‘Well, according to my calendar I have to be in Lake Wales on…no, wait…I get to be in Lake Wales on Wednesday.”

Her entire body at the beginning of the sentence was hunched, her eyes rolled, and she was sighing into the sentence as she began.  With the stop, reframe, and declaration…her eyes widened, her back straightened and a smile came across her face.

It was a moment of freedom for her.  Freedom to be who she says she wants to be.  It is a choice to not live on autopilot.  It is her choice in the moment to consciously work on being her BEST!

While calendars and responsibilities may build and decrease, the secret to finding time, freedom and fulfillment lies within your declaration of independence.

Some helpful questions to ask yourself, if you too, seek freedom:

1. What do I ‘have to’ do, or at least feel obligated to?
2. On a scale of 1-10, what level of fulfillment do I receive from this mindset?
3. If the circumstances aren’t going to change, what CAN change?
4. What can I OWN in this moment, with this circumstance?
5. What do I ‘get to’ do?

Freedom is ultimately a choice of how you decide to guide your mind, moment, to moment fully aware of the circumstances.  Miraculous stories of people like Nelson Mandela, Holocaust Survivor Anne Frank, and the Olympic Quadriplegics all have amazing circumstances of challenge.  Their triumph…the gap between their ears in the face of such circumstances.

There came a day…when despite all odds, time, responsibilities, and lack…that each person declared their independence and WHO they would be IN THESE MOMENTS.

Take a note from people who can offer hope, and try on a little freedom.  It may not be easy, but you life will definitely be better!  Now…get to work!