ohyou.org

comeondiejung: oldtobegin: doyourwardance: It took me until...

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:05:34 +1000

oldtobegin:

doyourwardance:

It took me until the last tweet to realize they were misspelling cologne and not being clever.

Saying something smells like colon is hilarious and I am going to start using it.

HAHAHAHA IM DJEIXNEINXOXNSNS I CAAAAANT

i love it when you can still smell your boyfriends colon on you

Photo

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:36:37 +1100

Ralph Crane - Black cat auditions in Hollywood, 1961

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 22:38:18 +1100

Ralph Crane - Black cat auditions in Hollywood, 1961

Photo

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:20:59 +1100

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Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:11:21 +1100

Embarrassing things I've managed to do in the past week

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 22:02:06 +1100

In ascending order of humiliation felt:

Farted while walking home from work only to have a jogging lady come around the sharp corner as said fart was squeezed out
Said “Cheeya!” to someone because my brain couldn’t decide whether I wanted to say “Cheers!” or “Seeya!”
Sent an email reply to someone in which I accidentally left uncensored paragraphs [they were meant to only be there for draft purposes and supposed to be deleted in the final sent version] at the bottom

So that new chick at work who I’m supposed to hate, well, she likes Jack Johnson. Which means...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 22:52:00 +1100

So that new chick at work who I’m supposed to hate, well, she likes Jack Johnson. Which means that I hate Jack Johnson now.

I say “now” because there was actually a time in my late teens when I was a really big embarrassing Jack Johnson fan and even attended his concert in a big open park.

Had this been any other person professing their fondness for Jack Johnson, I would have happily reminisced and gleefully confessed to them my own past love, but because it was her, her, I immediately quashed all such lingering feeling.

Oh well. I really fucking hope she tells me she hates the Temper Trap.

Photo

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 19:51:32 +1100

wolftshirteaglesweatshirt: I laughed so fucking loud. This is...

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 22:30:56 +1000

wolftshirteaglesweatshirt:

I laughed so fucking loud. This is retarded.

I’m currently obsessed with this awesomely tragic reality TV show called Dinner Date. Brief...

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 23:01:00 +1000

I’m currently obsessed with this awesomely tragic reality TV show called Dinner Date. Brief description of the show stolen from the website goes something like “In each episode, a singleton chooses three blind dates from a selection of five potential partners, based entirely on menus they have created.”

That right there is pretty much my idea of perfect entertainment because it marries two of my favourite things:

People failing hilariously in their attempts to be sexy/suave
People cooking badly and potentially burning themselves

Most people are pretty realistic and share similar sentiments about the night on its completion. ie. they both agree there was little chemistry/physical attraction, they both agree the homemade meal sucked, etc etc.

But my favourite outcome is when there is obvious incongruity in each party’s sentiments about the date. ie. when asked to rate the night out of a possible 3 stars, the male mentions a lone star, while the overconfident look on the girl’s face expresses a number of stars representative of Orion’s Belt.

That part’s painfully embarrassing to watch, but also painfully heartbreaking on many levels because I guess it reminds you of the times when you were last filled with as much giddiness, delusion and courage, and openly welcoming yourself to humiliation and the idea that someone might think constellations of you.

This is my first post in almost a year. Woahs. Not much has changed on the blog since except that...

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:57:00 +1000

This is my first post in almost a year. Woahs. Not much has changed on the blog since except that the section down there no longer says that I’m still 26. Which is good. Because the 26th year of my life was one that sucked more than it ruled. I think this 27th year is going pretty sweet so far.

I’m thinking of starting a Tumblr about the new girl at work who is annoying the crap out of me. Her yet-to-be-bulk-printed business card would technically read ‘Marketing Manager’ but I think she imagines the title section to look something more like:

Marketing Manager
Photoshop Expert
Life Champion
Hottest Girl In The Office

She claimed she was some Photoshop expert. And then she asked me to come around to her desk and tell her why she was clicking repeatedly and unable to edit anything in some PSD. I showed her how to unlock layers.

Also, she insists on centre aligning text on all new marketing material.

Also, the only feedback she could give a fellow web designer about some work he’d presented to her was that she didn’t like it because “the gradient looks muddy” and “the colour needs to pop more”.

Actually, I’m kind of too lazy to start up a new Tumblr so I might just start that here. I hope she never finds this.

The Game! One of the movies I forget to list when people ask me for the names of movies I like.

Fri, 15 Oct 2010 23:50:04 +1100

The Game! One of the movies I forget to list when people ask me for the names of movies I like.

allthebees: Jim: Are you kidding?Dwight: Well, I’m not done...

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:26:00 +1000

allthebees:

Jim: Are you kidding?
Dwight: Well, I’m not done yet.
Jim: Dwight. This fits in the palm of my hand. You haven’t blown ‘em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight: They match the carpet
Jim: What is that? It is your birthday period.
Dwight: It’s a statement of fact.
Jim: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight: This is more professional. It’s not like she discovered a cure for cancer.
Jim: I can’t believe how bad this looks.

I don’t really do the whole ‘watching tv’ thing, but this is killing me right now.

LOLZ I remember this episode.

Photo

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:24:28 +1000

fuckyeahdementia: poopin

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:18:02 +1000

fuckyeahdementia:

poopin

thedailywhat: Too Cute To Consume of the Day: Jim (of Jim’s...

Sat, 25 Sep 2010 11:36:52 +1000

thedailywhat:

Too Cute To Consume of the Day: Jim (of Jim’s Pancakes) made his daughter this rather stupendous mounted-T. rex-skeleton-shaped pancake after a visit to New York’s Museum of Natural History.

To reiterate: Best dad ever.

[geekologie.]

I have an ex who emails me once every year to ask me how my dog is.

Sun, 19 Sep 2010 19:13:01 +1000

The last email he sent last year was to share the news that Freckles, his Dalmatian we’d take for walks around the park when we were together a decade ago, had died. Since I suck at keeping in touch with people, I’ve yet to inform him about Jordan, the German Shepherd I had since I was in primary school, passing away earlier on New Year’s Day. I don’t even know how our dogs became an important topic of conversation for us but I suppose it’s because we’re just too retarded to ask actual personal questions about how each other’s lives are going.

And because we’re probably stalking each other’s Facebook profiles. At least I am. [Although I like to think the fact that we’ve both added each other as friends diminishes the severity of the creepiness of my stalking.]

Looking through the photos on his profile, I noticed that, 8 years on, he is still with the same girl, the mutual friend he’d cheated on me to be with. The same girl features in all of his photos since we parted. While the thought of this used to claw torturously at my chest, particularly in the early stages of the breakup when shit was fresh, nowadays, the thought just obliterates the contents of my skull.

He’s been holding the same person’s hand for the past 8 years! Meanwhile, if someone were to look at the photographic timeline of my love-life [which I don’t publicise on Facebook], you’d see me holding the hands of at least a handful different males; hands of varying skin shades and levels of hairiness on the knuckle, some fingers bony, some resembling of sausages, and some in which I clasped tightly and others in which my hand hung limp in theirs.

Anyway, I don’t know what this says about me. But I feel like there’s obviously something that other people know and I don’t.

Despite all of my hand holding sluttery, I still consider hand holding sacred.

There’s a sweetness in palms and webs of fingers coming together, and two hands resting neatly in each others [like those segments in Tetris that look like a lightning bolt and the other a sombrero; those two pieces could write a Kama Sutra on Tetris the way they interlock so effortlessly with each other in various positions] whether intertwined traditional lover style, or untangled like you would holding someone’s hand leading them through a forest, or one person’s hand wrapped tightly around the other’s pinky like a newborn [a position very suited to hands afflicted with clamminess as it allows for much-needed air passage.]

Often, I see elderly couples walking around my neighbourhood holding hands during, what I assume, is their daily exercise routine and sometimes I wonder whether they miss experiencing all the excitement and novelty that comes with a new relationship. eg. the magic in softly brushing your fingertips against a potential lover’s to grab the pepper grinder during a supposedly platonic brunch, or the electricity between two friends standing close at a concert praying for the crowd to grow and surge backwards and push them into each other forcefully, the swell of the crowd maintaining and giving them reason to press their limbs against each other, the follicles on their forearms creating a Velcro strap of sweat and stifled desire.

After being with the same person for so long, how do they prevent desensitisation to such awesome things? One day, I’m going to stop one of these couples and ask them.

sade: pussymoneyweed: Walmart Employee: Hello ‘dis be...

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 21:35:06 +1000

sade:

pussymoneyweed:

Walmart Employee: Hello ‘dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?’
Customer: I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.
Walmart Employee: What you want on da cake?
Customer: ‘Best Wishes Suzanne’ and underneath that ‘We will miss you’.

Crying rn

Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. April 2010.

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 01:45:00 +1000

1. Sharing a meal with our rickshaw drivers, who later tried to milk our [relatively] wealthy tourist teats. We paid the men each about $100 to bike us around Saigon for a couple of hours. We later discovered [from other tourists, hotel receptionists, pamphlets, etc] that we should have expected to only pay about $20 maximum each. We’d gotten a personal guided tour of the city anyway which was cool and ate at an awesome hole-in-the-wall joint for lunch where all the locals looked at us funny.

I learnt early on that if you are visiting a South East Asian country, and you are a female of South East Asian descent yourself and being accompanied by your very pasty, very Caucasian boyfriend, expect to have the local girls throw you awkward ‘You are a successful mail order bride!’ glances, and random sleazy old men approach you to ask “You must be from Thailand. How much for a night together?” [Yes, that happened. And no, I didn’t go home with him for $2/hour.]

2. A guillotine at the War Remnants Museum.

3. A tiger cage. War Remnants Museum. Used to abuse and torture Vietnamese prisoners. These things were about the size of a coffin, maybe slightly larger and constructed of barbed wire. Sometimes they’d have five prisoners locked up at a time, squatting uncomfortably, for who knows how long.

4. A monk at the Cao Dai temple.

5. Female Cao Dai members. They sung prayers and donged bells and chimes and stuff. Lolz, dong. I’m not even going to attempt to try to describe it eloquently. It was just kind of cool to be there to watch.

6. A meal before visiting Cu Chi Tunnels at a roadside eatery somewhere a couple of hours out of Saigon. The napkins for the tables were rolls of toilet paper.

7. Sitting on a tank in Cu Chi. Yes, I am a wearing a conical Oriental hat. And yes, I am wearing an awesomely daggy leather bumbag. I kind of like that it screams, “Yes, I am a tourist. I am probably carrying large sums of money. Pickpocket me now.” I mostly wear it to hide my gut.

I’m going to try to post photos from Cambodia and Mexico eventually.

yearslater: (by emma louise.)

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 21:53:51 +1000

yearslater:

(by emma louise.)