It all started in November when I had a heart palpitation. That turned into multiple heart palpitations, which then led to three more days of continuous palpitations. I’ve had on and off palpations several times over the years, but not like this. They’d pop up maybe twice a year, and never last longer than a day. This was different though, and it unnerved me. I began feeling a little desperate to have this taken care of and have it go away for good!

Lap number three was complete. I can do it. One more lap is a mile. I had run a mile for the first time less than a week before. I checked my heart rate, and everything was looking okay. Keep on pushing. I can get there.

After those three days, I went to the doctor for some answers, and walked away with a prescription for a beta blocker, along with assurances that it wasn’t anything to worry about. Easy for him to say! He told me that since it only happened when I was resting, it wasn’t that serious. “Just stop thinking about it.” he said. Stop thinking about it? Hello… that’s all I can think about.

Four laps led to five. One more lap is a mile and half. I can do it! My breathing was feeling more manageable now. I finally found a rhythm that was working. My heart rate wasn’t too high, and I was in a groove.

My three days of palpitations turned into three weeks, and after another doctor visit, more blood drawn, and another test run, nothing. Was it something I was eating? Was it because I was dehydrated? Not enough sleep? Too much stress in my life? Not enough exercise? Was it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Too much time in front of the computer? A vitamin deficiency? Well, I tweaked each of these dials and still, no improvement. I researched and researched. Still nothing. I kept thinking that I know I can fix it if I can just turn the right dial.

Hey, didn’t the doctor mention that maybe I have too much blood in my system? Maybe that explains why I look flush all the time. How about a little bloodletting? So, I made an appointment to give blood with the Red Cross. This was my first time giving blood, and I guess that eating a full meal beforehand is more than just a good suggestion. Who knew that breathing into a paper bag and trying to remember your name are part of the fun as you lay there delirious on the table? After thirty minutes of recovery, all the while trying to see if my sea legs still worked, I was able to leave. Oh yeah, and the palpations – still there.

Just passed six laps. Only one more lap. I’ve never ran this far, and I know I can make it to 1.75 miles. My heart rate is elevating, but I am still okay. I wanted to quit running and just walk for a little while, but I wasn’t going to stop. One lap at a time, one lap at a time. I was determined to finish. Breathe. Push through it!

Four weeks of heart palpitations passed, and no relief in sight. I lifted my plight up to the Lord, made some changes in the natural, and still, nothing changed. Looking for the magic bullet didn’t produce any results, so now what? Lord why I haven’t been healed from this? I was stumped.

I needed to make some lifestyle changes. I’m not a fad kind of guy. I don’t do diets, and I don’t get gym memberships. I find it tough to get enough exercise during the winter season because I get too idle by spending so much time indoors. So, I made the decision to eat better overall by eating more REAL, whole foods, and cutting out some evening snacks. I am not way overweight, but my “ideal weight” is about 10 pounds less than my current weight, so dropping a few pounds was also in order. So, that is what I did. I began to make some lifestyle changes.

Walking is something I can do regularly, so I decided that 10,000 steps a day is a good goal. My 10,000 steps are made up of thirty minutes of walking at lunch and thirty minutes on the treadmill at home. It’s at home that I began to add a little running into the routine. I’ve never been a runner, and have never liked it. You would think age 50 is an odd time to start. So why am I doing it? With my heart acting a little wonky, my thought was that strengthening it could only help the situation. I started out slow, and didn’t want to overwork my heart, so I got a heart rate monitor to assess where I was at. I was able to steadily increase my running-to-walking intervals.

As I passed seven laps, I was determined to hit the two-mile mark. I didn’t start out to do this, but I wasn’t going to quit. By this point, my heart rate was pushing 95 percent of my max heart rate. As I rounded the bend and was closing in on the last few seconds, I extended my hands to the Lord and thanked Him. I did it! I finished—exhausted and triumphant! I completed two miles without stopping, which is for me, a major accomplishment.

After six weeks, the heart palpations slowly stopped. A week later, they started up all over again. Now, for the last week, I haven’t had any, so I cannot be sure if this is permanent or not. I’m just thankful that TODAY, I haven’t had any.

During this whole ordeal, I haven’t lost hope that God is looking after me. I know that my reliance on myself to fix everything is too easy to do. Why did they start? Don’t know. Why did they end? Don’t know. Are they gone for good? Don’t know, and I don’t care anymore. Having heart palpitations evoked a fear in me that I refuse to let grip me from now on. They may come back, and they might not, but I believe that the Lord is always looking after me. My reliance is on Him. I won’t be fearful of them anymore. In the meantime, as I get healthier, I will have a healthier, happier house that the Holy Spirit can dwell in. It is a win-win! Praise the Lord!

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Matthew 6:34 (MSG)

I am a gardener and I love it, but as I was standing there, I realized that I go through the same challenging cycle of thoughts every year. It’s a seasonal thing. I always start out with such high hopes and get off to a great start in the spring, only to see it end by dragging myself across the finish line by the time autumn arrives.  Does it always have to end that way?

Coming out of a Minnesota winter, I have enough pent up energy and enthusiasm about planting my vegetable garden that I can hardly wait until the ground is thawed.  We endure five months without leafs on the trees, shortened cloud filled days, and snow on the ground. Once the snow leaves and spring arrives, so do the familiar smells which add to the excitement of getting outside once again.  Eventually the day arrives when I till the garden and breathe in the distinct smell of freshly turned earth. I go to the local nursery and pick up my seed potatoes, multiple varieties of tomato plants, and other seeds. We spend a weekend sinking them into the soil and putting down straw between rows as a weed barrier.  Finally…I am off and running into the new season!

As spring turns into summer, I weed and water, watching my babies grow knowing that I will once again be having fresh produce this year. About this time, my strawberries come ripe and we start picking those. My five apple trees and two pear trees have beautiful flowers and will soon turn into young fruit.  All is right with the world.

As we move into July, enthusiasm level is still high—kind of. I am harvesting some lettuce and my potato plants are getting bigger. Weeding becomes a little more tedious, but I am still energetic and doing alright. Then it happens…again. Potato bugs start attacking my potato plants and the battle begins.

As July turns into August, my enthusiasm wanes. The heat of the summer as well as the mosquitoes keep me away from the garden. After putting up a valiant effort, I begin losing the battle with the potato bugs. I have killed hundreds of them, but they lay enough eggs to multiply faster that I can kill them. I try squishing them, using the blow torch on them, and even try ignoring them, but nothing is effective! Soon, my potato plants are decimated.  By this time, the weeds are winning in the rest of the garden as well. Ugh!

As August rolls into September, the weather begins to break and cool temperatures return. My tomatoes are doing well. I have harvested half of my potatoes and my two rows of corn turned out great. My raspberries are ripening and my apple and pear trees are loaded. It’s now time to pick my tomatoes as well as my peppers and onions, but there’s only one problem.  My garden looks like a disaster.

I am feeling overwhelmed. I am tired. And to be honest, I don’t want to harvest it all. I just want to enjoy the beginning of this fall weather without having to go through all this work. Even though the harvest it right at my doorstep, I want to quit. But I also know that my garden is not going to harvest itself.  We usually can salsa with all the garden items, but that is a lot of work as well. And what am I going to do with all of these apples? Can I just let my entire harvest go to waste?

I was thinking about this question and about the feelings I  have…and how it seems to recur every year. It never fails; right on the verge of reaping, I feel like quitting. I eventually get fed up and want to simply let the harvest rot in the field. Have you ever felt that way?

The bible tells us in in Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” I then wondered how close I had to been to other victories in my life that slipped through my fingers because I grew weary and quite close to the end. There is rest at the end of season, but if we cut short those seasons because we don’t have the endurance to finish, we then also lose out on the rewards that are waiting for us at the end.  Regardless of who you are or what you do, we are all in the beginning, middle, or final stage of some season in our life. And yes, we all tend to get weary at some point and want to throw in the towel; but if we do, we will miss out of the reward that is right around the corner.

September typically represents a new beginning—a  new season for many of us. School starts again, church activities ramp up, and fall chores begin again. However, this season I pray that God gives you the endurance you need to finish the course you are on. It is my prayer that  you do not become discouraged. Why? So you can enjoy the fruits of your labor and then enter into His rest when you have completed what is before you.

As for me…in another month or so, I will have rest. So much rest, in fact, that I will be itching again for the return of spring! Sometimes it is hard to see that. We want what we want when we want it. But life doesn’t work that way.  Again, the bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” So during this season, I will press on and harvest the fruit of this season. I will rest during the season of rest, and I will purpose—once again—to press towards those marks that God has laid before me.

Remember, if you don’t quit, you will win.

I not only love being out there, but I love when my wife comes out there with me and is interested in all of those things as well.  It is much better sharing it with someone that you love.  I connect more with her because she loves what I love.  Pretty cool.

Maybe that is why I feel closer to God in the yard and garden.  Because He is sharing something that He loves, that He created, with me!  I can connect more with God just by the fact that I love what he loves!  Maybe that is a way we can know Him better.  Find out what He loves and love that too.  You will find the heart of God that way.

I am constantly amazed by the beauty of observing the everyday when I am out there.  The variety, the complexity, the simple, all conspire to create a orchestra of beautifully played music that I love to watch and hear.  This may not be some big revelation, but I don’t think connecting with God has to be this big complex, step 1,2,3 process.  The simple joy we can find in the everyday is there for anyone who wants to take the time to slow down and look for it.

Genesis 1:31, “And God saw every thing that he had made, and indeed it was very good”

Julie finishing half marathon

Last weekend, our family went to go watch my wife, Julie, run in a half marathon in downtown Minneapolis.  Julie is training to run in her second Twin Cities Marathon in October. She ran the last one 10 years ago, and she is making sure she is more prepared this time around. She has already run in many 5Ks, a 7K, and some 10Ks.  Her goal is to keep her knees strong and healthy and improve from her last marathon time.  The hour was early and the weather clear and warm when we arrived.  She was prepared, healthy, and ready to run.  As she left the starting line, her bright smile indicated that all systems were go.  Her goal was to finish between 2:15 and 2:30.  Me and the girls funneled down close to the finish line shortly before the 2-hour mark to watch her come in.  The 2:15 mark came and went, as did the 2:30 mark.  At 2:39, she crossed the finished line.  She finished!  It wasn’t in the time frame that she wanted, but we were still very proud of her.  So many battles are fought while running, and it is a test of your mental and physical fortitude.  Well, Julie was not happy.  For the rest of the day, she was in a bad mood.  Disappointment took its toll.

Today, when I ventured out into the garden, I was putting some finishing touches on some long overdue chores.  I made nine tomato cages out of concrete mesh and had put them around the tomatoes three weeks ago.  They needed staking, and I was finally getting around to that today.  As I was out there, I was noticing all the weeds.  I was thinking that I need to get out here more and do a better job of staying on top of it.   This year, I had made a concerted effort to not let the weeds win.  I had laid down hay between all the rows to keep the weeds in check, been diligent to weed regularly,  and even selectively sprayed Round-Up to stay on top them.  But there they were, still staring at me in the face. Taunting me.  Why can’t I stay on top of them?  I have pulled what feels like thousands of weeds, and still, there they are.

As I was letting this roll through my head, and feeling disappointed, the Lord helped me remember all the past seasons and all the other times the weeds were much worse.  Even though I have battled this regularly, I have always had an amazing crop at harvest time.  I have had onions the size of softballs, and tomatoes, peppers and potatoes so bountiful that I could not keep them all.  So what was all the fuss about?  Well, I wanted the garden to look as perfect as it was producing.  It even felt like I was putting more emphasis on how it looked, as compared to how it produced.  The Lord gives the increase, and it has produced—every year!

I was thinking about all of this, and Julie’s half marathon came to mind.  She was disappointed with her performance and race result, but you know what?  She is out there running every day, she is producing, she is doing things very few people do – including me.  Maybe she isn’t finishing where she wants.  Maybe she isn’t finishing at the top, but she is finishing!

Then it became clear to me, God doesn’t care about our perfection or our performance.  He cares about us.  He isn’t going to bring increase to my garden only if it has no weeds in it.  He isn’t going to help Julie battle during her run, only if she finishes at the top.  He is there for us, despite the issues.  He doesn’t wait for our weed-free garden and all our running issues to be resolved before He can bless us.  He loves and cares for us right where we are at.  He is there in the midst of your problems, not at the end of them.  What a pressure-reliever!

I am getting ready to venture out and pull some more weeds.  I love spending time out there.  I know I won’t get them all, but so what.  I know when people see my garden, they won’t see the postcard picture perfect one.  That’s okay.  Julie is getting ready to do more running by herself.  Her knees never felt better, and she has run more this year than any other.  She is a winner, not because of where she finishes, but because she does finish.  God is working within her to strengthen her mind and her body.  The results will come.  No worries.

Slow down and take a look around, He is there. He is always with us.  I am just thankful that He is not sitting there with a checklist, ensuring that we meet all the requirements of do’s and don’ts before he’ll be there for us.  He is just inviting us to come as we are.

It was only for 10 minutes, but I still have to stand up in front of group of people and speak.  I have already had panic attacks in other situations where I felt trapped, and now was I entering another one.  In the words of Seth Godin, my Lizard Brain was on full alert and the fight or flight engine was just getting revved up . . .

When I was growing up, I was a little on the shy side.  I was very comfortable doing things more independently and often by myself.  As I grew, I became more involved with sports and other activities, which were more “social” by nature.  I never gravitated to grabbing the spotlight, and I was more comfortable staying behind the scenes.  I wasn’t a big risk taker and avoided situations that would would put the spotlight on me.

As I entered my teen years, girls entered the scene.  To say I was attracted to girls was an understatement.  In order to navigate this new world, I needed to change my game plan.  Since I was not naturally adept at social situations, something had to change.  That change took the form of smoking, drinking, and drugs.  Drinking was especially helpful in letting down my guard.  I participated in parties by dancing like Fred Astaire (or so I fondly remember), entering into conversations with other girls gracefully (in my own mind at least), and basically having the confidence in myself that I could never muster on my own.

From the age of 15 to the age of 40, drinking and drugs became a way of life.  Then a miracle happened.  I surrendered my life to Jesus and everything changed.  I mean everything!  I stopped the drinking, smoking, drugs, swearing, etc. that were a part of my life for 25 years.  I have been free from all of that for 10 years now.

Because through most of my adult life, I was able to navigate social situations with a little help from the bottle, I now was on my own.  In all these situations, I was now sober.  I had never learned how to effectively do this.  I avoided them.  Now I am picking up where my 15-year old brain left off.

I have never had panic attacks, heart palpitations, or claustrophobic feelings before, but in the past 10 years, I have had quite a few.  My brain had not been properly trained and when I entered situations that were new (to the sober mind), it went on tilt. In almost every way, the last 10 years have been the best of my life, but in this, it has been a struggle.  Avoidance was not going to win forever.  The last thing I wanted to do was make an a** of myself also.  What if I had a panic attack in the middle of a presentation!  Oh my gosh, I would be so humiliated!  I could not let that happen!

So fast forward to my meeting the other week.  I wanted to present.  I had something to say.  My mind was struggling.  I wanted to be there, I didn’t want to be there.  I practiced my presentation half a dozen times.  I was nervous.  I had someone do it with me,  and I put a couple of things in place to help me get over my Lizard Brain.  It was show time.  I went to the meeting and made my presentation.  Once I got started, I was fine.  The nerves left and things started to flow.

One of the things that have helped me immensely during all of this is prayer.  I pray, and I have Julie, my wife, pray for me before I have to present.  I trust that the Lord is going to bring me through those situations and He is always faithful to show up just when I need it.  He is never early and never late, always right on time.  The only thing that is lacking is my faith that He will help me through.  I have to exercise it each time.

I continue to believe that my mind is renewed and I am learning the things I never fully walked through when I was younger.  The story does not conclude with a nice tidy bow wrapped around it.  Our lives are like a line, not a snapshot.  Maybe next time I will make an a** of of myself, maybe not.   Where I am today is different from where I was yesterday and from where I will be tomorrow.  I just know that the future is brighter and I can’t wait to be a part of it.

I suffer from too much.  A byproduct from a generation that sacrifice was a way of life and by it, allowed us to live in prosperity.  Abundance brings with it a virus called ingratitude, and I have suffered from bouts of this affliction as well.  How can you relate to people and a lifestyle that you have never experienced?  Every time period has had its givers and takers, and I would venture to guess that this generation has more takers than givers.  We are seeing the death of an era.  The WWII generation is in its final days and when they’re gone, we’ll have lost the wisdom that goes with them.

I have not served in the military, nor have I made a sacrifice for my country.  I am a person who has lived in the aura of the blood that was shed so that we’d be able to live in freedom.  The men and women who’ve given up their down pillows and warm beds for sleepless nights, uncertainty, and frazzled nerves are the true heroes that we are to admire.

Today, we have a new group of soldiers that are willing to put their lives on the line to hold back the evil that roams the earth.  We have too many reasons to remain complacent, but they do it.  To voluntarily give up the lap of luxury, to serve is truly remarkable.  I thank God for all of those who have sworn this oath to protect this country:

I, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all those who have sacrificed for this country.   I am awed and envious.  As best as I try to relate, I am not in the family of soldiers.  My perspective is that of an outsider.  But, you have given all of us a gift.  A gift of liberty and freedom.  Some may squander it, and some may relish it.  At times, I live close to both of these truths.

Even though saluting is reserved to those within the “family”, I stand with you and I salute you.  I am grateful beyond words. From one of us to all of you… thank you.

My first choice for a camera replacement was a Nikon D90, mainly because of its video capabilities.  I figured I would be able to save the money and make the purchase.  The camera had been out for a couple of years, so I decided to check and see if there were any new cameras poised to be released.  I checked with Nikon Rumors, a website that is dedicated to just such a venture since Nikon (or any other camera manufacturer for that matter) does not give any indication when it may be releasing new gear.

Well, lo and behold, in July, they stated that there was a camera coming out that would be a replacement for the D90.  Hmm, now what do I do?  It would be coming out in the fall.  No name yet, no definitive specs, so I decided to wait.  Why invest into a discontinued item?  Finally, in August, they announced the name, the D7000.  More information kept trickling in and I was getting more and more excited about this new camera.  I still didn’t know what the price would be, but it would be available in September – October.  It finally showed up on Amazon’s website on September 15th, and I placed my order for the body only.  If it shipped soon, I would still be able to take some nice fall pictures.  Well, here we are in November and still no clue as to when the camera might ship.

In all this talking about my dilemma, one important element has been glossed over.  What about Allison and her photography experiment?  Well, it stuck.  She has fallen in love with photography and has even purchased a new lens (35mm f/1.8).  She has taken thousands of pictures and has even has taken some senior pictures for her friends.  She has a natural eye for taking unique shots.  I have seen her blossom in more than just photography since then.  She has found something that truly makes her happy and expresses her creative side.

It’s been eight months without a camera and I don’t think I have been without a camera for that long in my entire adult life.  My love for photography has just grown during this absence and I get to see that love manifest in Allison’s photography.  What has been my loss has been her gain and I could not be happier!

Perfection is: “an exemplification of supreme excellence or an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence”.

I was thinking about this and how easy it is to be in one extreme or another on this matter.  One extreme is putting in a half-hearted effort over a long period of time and having only marginal results.  Never approaching anything close to what would be considered perfection.

The other extreme is what I want to focus on, putting in so much time into a project because you want to get as close to perfect as you can.  This results in one of two things.

1. Accomplishing very little, but what you do is as close to perfect as you can get.
2. Not starting anything because you know you will not have the time to do it to your level of perfection.

The end result is the same, being ineffective and having minimal influence in those things you do.  I work at a church where we have an awesome music department, a great T.V. department, and a strong web presence.  I oversee our IT area, along with supporting over 30 websites with a skeleton staff.  Our IT staff has shrunk over the past few years and we have lost some good web programmers.  We have taken over the support of more of our Outreach ministry websites from volunteers who develop in their own favorite flavor of code.  In order for us to accomplish this, we had to change the way we do business.  We standardized on developing all our sites in Joomla, realizing we needed to be as effective as we could with the limited resources we had.  It was a complete shift in traditional thinking, but it has worked out.

Below is a chart of what perfection should look like.  As a co-worker of mine, Matt Leonetti said, “If it passes the mom test, it is good enough”.  What does that mean?  For those perfectionist out there it is this: If your mom can’t tell the difference between the product (music, video, or web) when you get to the “Sweet Spot”, or when it is done to your level of perfection, it passes.

Perfection robs you of being effective.

Perfection robs you of having an impact.

I am certainly not advocating grinding out shoddy work, but I am suggesting that you aim squarely at the “Sweet Spot”  that produces maximum results without wasting time trying to gain a more perfect result, that for the most part, no one would notice.  Ask yourself if you can relax your standards to get more accomplished, which in effect, increases your overall effectiveness.

I encourage you strive to be as effective as you can by putting in a consistent diligent effort at all you do, knowing that unfinished work benefits no one.  Take the time to look at what you do differently and maximize your results without sacrificing the quality of your work.

I wax and wane with these feelings during Christmas.  The seemingly over-exuberance of fun others seem to have makes me feel like I am missing out on something.  Like I am not part of the club – whatever “club” that might be.  Stores are filled with hustle and bustle.  Roads are jammed with busy travelers.  But something is missing.

I’ve taken time off from work this week and next and have not yet felt like I can relax.  Everything is caught up in the blur of preparations.  We have three family Christmases to celebrate, and we’ve also have some work celebrations.  These all take time to get ready for and once the event is over, it’s on to the next.  Even when nothing is happening, the tape that plays over and over in my head is filled with the unfinished business for the next gathering.  But busyness is a poor substitute for meaning.

When I was a kid, Christmas was the most special time of year.  It was all about the food, cutting your own tree, beautiful lights, friends, family, baking cookies, and waiting.  Why have things changed so much?  Well, now we are the ones putting it all together.  Being a kid, you just sat back and enjoyed the time.  Is it possible to put the genie back in the bottle?

I think that is the challenge and what we all are faced with.  Stop the hours of shopping, preparing, cleaning, running, and this and that.  This week, I have wanted to go see a movie or two, maybe bowling, playing family games, making lefse, and other family fun.  So far, no go . . .  Even though I might have cleared the decks, if everyone else hasn’t, then we still have an issue.  We ALL need to be on board.  It’s a purposeful effort.

It really doesn’t matter what we do, as long as we do it together.  So far this season, we have not got into the “family time” groove… yet.  We have another week of vacation–and another opportunity.  I hope you too can clear the decks, slow down, and add additional mortar to those special relationships in your life.

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?  It came without ribbons.  It came without tags.  It came without packages, boxes or bags.  And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore.  Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.  What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store.  What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more”. ~Dr. Seuss

Remember whose birth we celebrate this Christmas season.  Without Him and what He did for us, we are lost.  It is only through Jesus that we are able to freely give that gift of love to others.  What we give was first given to us. Happy birthday, Jesus!  Don’t forget Him.  He is the reason for the season.