Online Dating Match Maker

Match.com Stir Event Review

2013-05-16T19:21:28Z

Tom Hanks was staring me down. “Lucky Guy,” he said to me.

That was the name of his Broadway play, and his face was giant on the marquee I was walking past. If the checkout page when I was purchasing my ticket to this Match.com Stir event was accurate, then yes, I guess I am a lucky guy. There were going to be more women than men tonight.

With real estate as expensive as it is in New York, I couldn’t believe there was actually a bowling alley in Times Square. Especially not one that I could go bowling at with a bunch of singles for a mere $10. But, here I was, walking into Bowlmor on 44th street.

Having gone on easily 100+ online dates previous to this, I had gotten numb to the pre first-date jitters. Meeting the person, greeting them, knowing what to say first and keeping the conversation going – all of that is old hat to me. But this time – for the first time in a long time – I was nervous.

This was my first Match.com Stir event. Me, a seasoned online dater, I felt probably no differently than you might if you’re new to the online dating, or haven’t dated at all for awhile. Honestly, I didn’t even want to go at this point. I had just had a nightmare of a date the previous night, and I wasn’t looking forward to interacting with a room full of strangers.

However, I was looking forward to bowling. I love bowling. When I was a kid, I dreamt of being a professional bowler. And here I was, a professional dater – going on a bowling “date.” I guess my dream came true in some twisted way?

Nervous for Match.com Stir? Don’t be.

Match.com is no stranger to these pre-Stir jitters. While I was eavesdropping on the celebrity gossip of two Broadway playwrights at the Green Symphony restaurant about 30 minutes prior, I received a text message from Match.com, prompting me to login to their mobile site to see who was at the event.

Seeing the faces of the attendees really put me at ease in that moment. I had really been skeptical of what the other attendees would have been like. Match.com says they specifically select who to invite to each of their Stir events based upon age, and that they make sure there is a good ratio, and all of this seemed to be true. I could glance at photos and basic info of the women I’d be meeting at the event, who were much cuter than I had expected! I even clicked through to view a few profiles on Match.com’s iPhone app.

Checking in to Match.com Stir

As I entered the private bowling suite for the event, I was greeted by Tracy, a cute blonde who unfortunately turned out to be Match.com staff, and not one of the attendees. I wanted her to check me out, but instead she checked me in – and gave me a name tag. I’m pretty good at drawing letters, so I made it really fancy to help get started with conversations.

I had arrived a little over an hour after the scheduled 6pm start time – in part to be fashionably late, and also because I knew my friend, Trent, wasn’t going to make it until 7:30. I was being a big chicken, not even following my own Stir advice.

The bowling event was in full swing. All 5 lanes in the suite were full of mid-20′s to early 30′s folks, chatting and bowling. I tried to scope out a lane that I could jump in on – see who was just finishing up a game. I tried not to be too selective about what ladies were on a particular lane. I just wanted to go into it without expectations.

I was being a bit too timid. I figured I’d wait until Trent showed up, and then we’d jump in on a lane together. Then I got a text from Trent – he was running even later!

Mingling with the singles at Match.com Stir

Ladies and guys mingling and bowling at the Match.com Stir event.

I had better make myself useful before Trent came, and I wasn’t doing myself any favors being shy, so I just walked up to a lane. “Hey there!” I said to a group of ladies sitting at the lane.

The reception was surprisingly warm, “hey, come bowl on our lane!” said Jessica. She was a cute blonde 28 year-old with a great smile. Thin, and tall – about my own height.

I had expected that there would be a stand-offish quality to the interactions. That people would be acting as they do online: lurking around, examining you, trying to decide whether to reply to your message – or, as it would be, trying to decide whether to make eye contact or return your smile – as if simply treating someone like a human being would be expressing an irrevocable desire to spend eternity with them.

But it wasn’t like that at all. Karen, a gregarious, black 24 year-old in a peach skirt added, “I can add you to the lane. Russ, right?” She saw my name tag, but didn’t comment on my beautiful lettering. Well, things were off to a good start anyway.

The rest of the night flowed just as well. Jessica and I discussed the various qualities that make a good karaoke song. Karen and I talked about the different boroughs of NYC. Her and Shelly, a slim brunette in a cute white dress with purple flowers on it, made a “Russ sandwich,” playfully bouncing me back and forth between each other as I sat between them.

When Trent showed up, he was just as graciously added to the lane, and became part of the fun.

Other Match.com Stir Events

When the conversation turned to the event at hand, I learned that these ladies were actually pretty big fans of the Match.com Stir events. This was Karen’s 4th event! Shelly exclaimed that she actually hoped she didn’t have a boyfriend (or that if she did, she’d feel bad for him) when the NYC graffiti tour Stir event took place.

I guess the fun I was having wasn’t a fluke. With countless Match.com Stir events cropping up – with activities such as kickball, wine tastings, and food tours – someone could keep themselves really busy with these events.

Going from Match.com Stir to a Date

I wound up interacting mostly with the women from my lane, but mid-conversation, I heard what I had been waiting to hear all night, from Nicole, an exotic-eyed brunette on the next lane “hey, did you have your name tag professionally calligraphed!?” It turns out Conversation Nuggets work in physical space, too.

I didn’t wind up having enough of a spark with any of the women there to merit trying to get any of their numbers, but that was fine for me. It was just good to spend some time with some nice ladies without having to click around on a computer. I spend my whole day on a computer, why would I want to spend my night on one? Even bowling a whopping 75 is better than that!

But, other people hit it off much better. I saw Shelly and Tom, a funny Philippine guy, kiss each other goodbye as Shelly was leaving. It was as if they had just finished their first (or even second) date. Earlier, I was shocked to learn that she had bought him a White Russian (the drink), in “Big Lebowski” fashion.

Towards the end of my night, I shot this video to give you a feel for the event. There were even way more people than there at the peak of the night.

After the Stir Event

It might not always be the most graceful thing, asking for numbers in front of a bunch of new friends, so Match.com helps you out by sending you a follow-up email the next day, with a link to check out the profiles of everyone who was at the event. I just got mine:

It’s actually really interesting to meet someone first, then see their profile. You learn all sorts of things you can’t really learn about so easily in between frames.

Speaking of which, I like the profile of that Jessica girl. She was nice, too. I think I’ll send her a message…

Match.com vs eHarmony

2013-05-09T02:09:51Z

The two most popular online dating sites are popular for a reason. But both of them still exist for a reason. That reason is that they are both really great services; and they are very different from one another.

I’m talking about Match.com and eHarmony. You’ve heard of them, you’ve seen them advertised on television, but maybe you wonder, which one is better? Which one is right for you? Even though I’ve already written a Match.com Review and an eHarmony Review, it’s very common to be stuck trying to decide between Match.com vs. eHarmony, so here is my comparison.

The main differences of Match.com vs. eHarmony

In terms of how Match.com works vs. eHarmony, here are their main characteristics:

Match.com generally lets attraction do its thing. You can browse profiles freely, and message potential matches freely, no matter who they are, and no matter how compatible or incompatible you might actually be. Match.com pretty much leaves it up to you to meet the people and decide if they’re right for you.
eHarmony provides a more curated experience. They will send you matches based upon their 29 dimension personality profile. You go through a series of “communication stages” with potential matches, starting with multiple choice questions about important relationship things, and working up to free-form communication. eHarmony wants to make sure – based upon their matching system – that everyone you meet is the right person for you.

In terms of relationship and dating styles of people on Match.com vs. eHarmony, it’s a bit like this:

Match.com has a more casual approach to dating. If you actually kind of enjoy the process of dating, Match.com is probably more for you vs. eHarmony. Like I said, they let attraction do its thing. You can get off your computer and into meeting face-to-face with potential matches more quickly. It’s then up to you to see if you really “click.” Match.com even organizes events called “Match.com Stir,” where you can meet singles and participate in activities or happy hours. You can skip all of the messaging back-and-forth, and just meet a bunch of singles at once.
eHarmony has a more committed, marriage-minded approach to dating. If you’re dying to just be finished with dating, get married and have kids, eHarmony is probably more for you vs. Match.com. Not only does it attract a crowd that is more serious about finding a committed relationship, everything about their service is designed to help you find the right person to commit to. They have an extensive personality quiz, and their guided communication process ensures that you won’t end up with someone who doesn’t agree with you on important issues like lifestyle and whether or not to have kids.

In terms of how Match.com works vs. how eHarmony works, the differences are like so:

Match.com is a bit like a dating search engine because you search for what you’re looking for, and you can literally message *anyone* on the site (unless they block you, in which case: what did you do!?). On Match.com, you make a dating profile, complete with interests and photos. Then, people can either find your profile, or you can use their search function to search for the profiles of others (on dozens of different things, such as height, body type, religion, etc.). Then, you can message them, set up a date, and meet in person. With Match.com, it’s up to you to decide who is right for you.
eHarmony is a bit like watching TV because the experience is much more controlled. You can only interact with the matches they’ve decided are right for you. You’re strongly discouraged from messaging them right away, but instead there are a series of communication steps, starting with multiple choice questions, and finally working up to free-form messaging, where you can finally set up a date with your match to meet them in person. With eHarmony, you have to trust their years of research and expertise to send you the right people.

The pros vs. cons of Match.com vs. eHarmony

Both of these probably sound like great dating sites, right? It’s nice to think that you can decide who is right for you with Match.com, but it’s also nice to think of someone sending you the perfect match, based upon their years of experience, like with eHarmony. But, there are always compromises to each of these approaches. Keep in mind the pros and cons.

Match.com “pros”

You decide who you get to meet. They don’t restrict you from searching for and messaging anyone on the site. At the same time – like eHarmony – Match.com has years of experience and knowledge built up (they’ve been in business since 1995), and they will do their best to get the people they think are right for you in front of you so that you will message them.
You can meet people faster. There’s little more disappointing than messaging back and forth with a match, finally meeting them, and then finding out that they’re nothing like you expected. Maybe they lied in their profile, had old photos, or you just don’t feel chemistry with them. With Match.com, you can go from first message to meeting in person within a few days. If you go to their Match.com Stir events, you of course get to meet them right away. With Match.com, you waste less time sitting on your computer messaging with people you end up not being compatible with.

eHarmony “pros”

You only get matches that are right for you. The idea of getting to search for yourself – like on Match.com – is enticing, but attraction can sometimes lead you astray. eHarmony has been studying relationship compatibility for years. In fact, Dr. Warren, who started eHarmony, has written an entire book about his matching philosophy. eHarmony puts this knowledge to work and only sends you matches that are right for you. A side benefit of that is that you won’t get annoying and unwanted messages from people you have nothing in common with.
Communication is guided. eHarmony’s guided communication makes sure that you get all of the important potential sticking points out of the way before meeting someone. Do you see yourself living in the city in 15 years? Well, if your potential match wants to live in the country, that might be a problem. eHarmony will make sure you don’t waste your time with people with whom you don’t have compatibility.

Match.com “cons”

Anyone can message you. Sure, it sounds nice to be able to message anyone you want on the site, but with Match.com, this also means that anyone can message you. For many females, this can mean literally hundreds of unwanted copy-and-paste emails from guys that don’t know how to write a good online dating message.
You’re left to your devices. The good thing about Match.com is that they really let attraction do its thing. The bad thing about Match.com is that they really let attraction do its thing. Only messaging people you feel visual chemistry for can leave you wondering why you’re always dating the wrong people. Research shows that attraction eventually fades, so solid relationships have to be built upon other types of compatibility. Do you trust yourself to make the right decision?

eHarmony “cons”

You meet people more slowly. eHarmony has a “guided communication” process. This means you can’t message someone and set up a date until various levels of questions have been asked of one another back-and-forth. People are busy, so this means it can literally take weeks before you finally get to write free-form messages to your match. Sometimes, a potential match will get busy and just disappear, or his or her subscription will run out. Worse yet, you can find that when you meet – after weeks of communicating – there just isn’t a spark.
Attraction can’t just “do its thing”. With eHarmony, you have to trust in their expertise. You have to trust that with all of their research about what makes happy marriages, they know what’s best for you. People have all sorts of lifestyles these days, and eHarmony really skews towards a traditional Christian view of marriage. This could possibly be a “pro” for you, but it doesn’t work for everyone. With eHarmony, it’s much harder to just be attracted to someone, set up a date, and see if things work.

How much does Match.com cost vs. eHarmony?

To really get to meet someone off of Match.com or eHarmony, you need to purchase a subscription. (Though there is a Match.com free trial) So, there are costs associated with that, and they differ between the two sites.

eHarmony offers special rates for up to 24-month subscription (you have to scroll way down on their page to find the 1-month plan)

Match.com costs roughly half what eHarmony does – though I stress you not to make your decision based upon price.

If you’re like most people, money is tight. You have to watch what you spend, and be smart with your money. But, when it comes to online dating, I recommend you not skimp. This is love we are talking about here. Wars have been fought over it, great palaces have been built over it – it’s the single most powerful force on Earth. People will literally be willing to die for someone whom they love.

So be careful if you start counting dimes over love. The sites I’ve described here: Match.com and eHarmony, are very different from one another. They are both tremendous online dating sites, but they attract very different people with very different mentalities. eHarmony is the more expensive of the two, but if – based upon what I’ve told you – you feel eHarmony is better for you, you should just go with eHarmony. Don’t let the cost difference of a few hamburgers be the basis of a decision that could literally be the most important decision of your life.

If – based upon what I’ve told you – Match.com is the better site for you vs. eHarmony, then your decision is very easy because Match.com costs less.

Here is a general cost breakdown of base subscriptions of Match.com vs. eHarmony

Match.com costs (basic plan)

1 month: $35.99
3 months: $59.97 ($19.99/mo)
6 months: $107.94 ($17.99/mo comes with Match.com guarantee)
12 months: $215.88 (based on $17.99/mo 6-month rate)

Match.com also has many add-ons available for their memberships. If you want more information, check out my post, How Much Does Match.com Cost?

eHarmony costs (basic plan)

1 month: $59.99
3 months: $134.85 ($44.95/mo)
6 months: $239.70 ($39.95/mo)
12 months: $227.40 ($18.95/mo)
24 months: $238.80 ($9.95/mo)

So, you can see that if you were to buy a 12 month membership of Match.com, it would actually cost less than buying a 12 month membership of eHarmony. But, Match.com doesn’t even offer a special rate for a 12 month membership, while eHarmony offers a special rate for even a 24 month membership. eHarmony is really for the power dater that is looking for the right one, and is serious enough about it to potentially dedicate 2 years to their search.

Finding out more about Match.com vs. eHarmony

You can learn more about both of these sites in my Match.com Review and eHarmony Review, respectively.

Save money on Match.com and eHarmony with online dating coupons

You shouldn’t skimp on purchases when it comes to love, but you also shouldn’t pay more than you have to! I have Match.com coupons and eHarmony promotional codes that can save you up to 20% off either site. I also update the site with other online dating coupons from time to time.

Match.com Review

2013-05-09T02:32:23Z

Match.com
Reviewed by Russ Ruggles on May 8, 2013
Rating: 5

The best overall online dating site

I've tried about every dating site you can imagine. Dating usually isn't easy, whether it's online or off, but Match.com made it more fun and easy than any other site I've tried. They have millions of members – just about any kind of person you could be looking for. They have good search functions, and it's easy to send someone a message, and set up a date. I think it's hard to go wrong with Match.com.

Many long-time readers of my online dating tips are experts when it comes to Match.com. But, for the newcomers to the online dating world, I thought I’d write a match.com review for what happens to be my favorite dating site. Sure, there are plenty of other dating sites that have their selling points: eHarmony is very practical, with a sophisticated personality test, OkCupid has lots of hipsters on it, various niche sites like JDate cater to certain interests, but Match.com has a great combination of millions of eligible singles, and easy-to-use features.

How Match.com Works

Match.com seems like your basic “search and pick” online dating site. You can set up a profile, upload photos, and start running searches on singles in your area. But, they’ve been at this for a long time. The site was founded back in 1995! I remember, I even made my first Match.com profile way back in 2004.

The benefit of this is that Match.com has had plenty of time to work on their technology and improve all sorts of algorithms to look at what you’ve said that you want in your profile, whose profiles you’re looking at, and who you’re messaging, and from that they can tell who is going to interest you, and who is going to be interested in you.

If they think there’s someone who is going to like you, they’re going to get your profile in front of him or her. And if there’s anyone they think you’re going to like, they’re going to get his or her profile in front of you.

What’s in a Match.com profile?

There are tons of things in a Match.com profile. This way, no matter what you’re particular about, whether it’s eye color, height, religion, or pets, you can search for someone who suits your preferences.

What can you search for on Match.com?

The most basic things that you can search for on Match.com are age range, distance from where you live, and whether they have photos. Just running a search like this will likely bring you hundreds of eligible matches in your area.

But, if you want to get more specific, you can run an advanced search on anything that can be put in a profile: height, body type, salary, education – anything.

How to contact Match.com members

There are tons of ways that you can contact members on match.com.

Messages: Match.com messages are where the real contact and most of the date planning gets done.
Winks: This is just a simple way to show someone you’re interested. Typically, match.com winks aren’t so good for guys to do.
Instant Messages: Just like the Instant Messaging you do over AIM, GTalk or MSN Messenger. You can chat in real-time with matches who are online.
“Likes”: You can “like” photos that you see in someone’s profile.
DateSpark: You can post a date idea on your profile, such as “go to a Cubs game and eat ice cream.” Matches can send you a message about your idea, or just “Like” your idea.
matchPhone: You can make calls and texts with matches without giving out your number. This can keep your experience safe, and your private information confidential.
DailyMatches: Match uses your profile preferences and search behavior to pick a bunch of matches to send to you each day. You can simply say “yes” or “no” to them. They’ll be notified if you say “yes,” so it’s a good idea to send them a message afterward.
Who’s Viewed Me: If you’re a paid subscriber, you can see who has viewed your profile. If they’ve viewed your profile, they’re probably interested! You can go around viewing profiles trying to get noticed, too. I call this “the who’s viewed me shuffle.”

Stir Events

In 2012, Match.com launched Stir events, which allow singles to meet face-to-face in happy hours, speed-dating type events, and numerous activities such as dance lessons, cooking lessons, and outings to baseball games. These provide a great way for you to get out of the house and meet some singles without having to deal with all of the messaging.

Mobile App

In addition to the fully-featured Match.com website, match also has mobile apps for iPhone, Android, BlackBerry, Windows Phone, Palm, and many other phones. This is incredibly handy, because you can get instant alerts anytime someone “winks” at you or sends you a message. You can search for matches while you’re riding the bus, and flirt with winks and sending messages.

Facebook App

You can install the Match.com Facebook app, which will allow you to search for members from within Facebook. The coolest thing about this is that it will create Facebook notifications within Facebook to tell you when someone has winked at you or messaged you. If you’re worried about revealing your identity, don’t, the Match.com Facebook app won’t reveal your name.

How much does Match.com cost?

Match.com is one of the more affordable of the really popular dating sites out there. If you’re buying a 6 month membership, it can be as little as around $15 a month. I have more details on pricing on the post “How Much Does Match.com Cost?”

But, DON’T PAY TOO MUCH. I have match.com promo codes available that can save you 20% off match.com. Or, you can get a match.com free trial.

Is Match.com for you?

With all of the great features that Match.com has, and all of the singles there are on the site, it’s really hard to go wrong with Match.com. Whether you’re looking for short-term dating, friends, or even marriage, you’ll find someone looking for the same thing.

The only cases where I’d say you might want to try something else are:

If you’re a super practical person who doesn’t care so much about physical attraction as you do about personality compatibility, you’d be better off trying sites that match you based upon personality such as Chemistry or eHarmony. Match is great for finding someone you’re attracted to, but these sites specialize in personality – though they make it more difficult to search through matches to find someone you’re attracted to. I’ve written a special Match.com vs. eHarmony comparison if you’re stuck deciding between the two.
If you have some very specific preferences that make it so that match.com doesn’t have the dating pool you’re looking for, you may want to try a specialty site. For example, people looking to date within specific religions may be better off checking out a site suited to that religion. One example is JDate, which is for Jewish Dating.

Don’t pay too much: use my Match.com promo codes for a discount

Match.com is great and well worth the money, but why pay too much if you don’t have to? Save big money with my Match.com promo codes.

How Much Does Match.com Cost?

2013-05-03T17:07:27Z

People often ask me “how much does match.com cost?” Many people are concerned with what online dating is going to cost them, and they want to get a good idea of those costs up-front.

First of all, it’s great that they’re considering paying for online dating. I’ve said it many times: there are plenty of free sites out there, but they usually just end up being more work and frustration. I have met more women by far on match.com than on the free sites, because people who are paying for online dating are more interested in going on dates. That’s why they’re paying for it.

Paying for Online Dating

When you consider how important love is: the powerful force over which wars have been fought, palaces built, and which remains one of the most important factors influencing your happiness – when you consider all of that, it’s amazing that people are that concerned with cost.

Love is going to make you spend some money. People spend tens of thousands of dollars on weddings, and leading up to it (if you’re a guy at least), you’re likely to spend nearly that much buying women drinks, dinners, and gifts.

The good news is, match.com is the more affordable of the big paid sites (eHarmony is more expensive). 1 month of match.com will cost you about as much as a night of drinks. 6 months of Match.com will cost you about as much as a nice dinner for two, and will come with Match.com’s guarantee: if you don’t find love by the end of 6 months, they’ll give you another 6 months free (I’ve had this guarantee granted before).

What you get for free on Match.com?

If you aren’t quite ready to pay for Match.com yet, you can do a number of things before even giving your credit card information.

Create a profile. You can create and write your match.com profile.
Post photos. You can post your online dating photos on your profile.
Search for matches. You can search for matches and view profiles to your heart’s content.
Send winks. You can wink at other members, but if they message you, you won’t be able to read those messages.

The main thing you won’t be able to do is send and receive messages, but you can at least get a feel for the site before paying.

Also, you can get a match.com free trial and start using all of the same features you would have if you paid for match.com, but just for a few days.

What you get when you pay for Match.com?

Once you start paying for Match.com, you get to start using all of those really important features. Here’s just a few of them:

Send and receive email messages. This is the big one. Sending match.com messages is how you actually get to know people and set up dates.
See who’s viewed you. Match.com’s “who’s viewed me” is a great way to see whose eye you have caught. If someone has viewed your profile, they’re likely interested, so they’re more likely to respond to a message.
Attend Stir events. Match.com’s stir events are real-life events where you can meet singles face-to-face. Some of the events have an extra cost associated with them – for example, if it’s a cooking class that you’re going to be getting food during.

You can try all of these things for a few days with a match.com free trial.

There’s a few more things, but these are the important differences. You can see the whole breakdown here. (“Subscribers” means you’re paying, “Members” means you’re not yet.)

The cost breakdown

Here’s the breakdown of costs for basic match.com subscriptions. I’ll tell you in a bit how to save big money off these prices:

1 month: $35.99
3 months: $59.97 ($19.99 per month)
6 months: $107.94 ($17.99 per month – comes with guarantee)

Add-ons

There are a number of add-ons that you can get along with your match.com subscription:

Email Read Notification ($4.99/mo)

Out of all of the add-ons, this one is the most useful. It can be really frustrating to not get replies to your online dating messages, but, there can be all sorts of reasons you don’t get a reply. One reason is that sometimes your message hasn’t even been read!

With this feature, you know when your messages have been read, so you can adjust your messaging style accordingly. (I, of course, recommend the one-line hook)

First Impressions ($4.99/mo)

With this feature, your profile gets featured throughout the site, so your profile gets more views. This is a nice add-on, but if you’re sending messages to the right matches and doing the who’s viewed me shuffle, you don’t necessarily have to have it.

Highlighted Profile ($4.99/mo)

This puts a highlighted background behind your profile in search results. Don’t go out of your way to get this feature, because so many people have this included already in their “Best Value Plans” (see below) that most people’s profiles are already highlighted.

Here’s a screenshot of all of the add-ons Match.com offers:

“Best Value Plans”

The “Best Value Plans” include all of the add-ons from above. Here are the prices:

1 month: $50.96 (add-ons added a la carte)
3 months: $71.97 ($23.99 per month)
6 months: $119.94 ($19.99 per month)

As you can see, when you buy 6 months, it winds up only costing you another 12 dollars to have all of the add-ons for the whole time. That’s a pretty good value for the Email Read Notifications Alone. Whether you choose a standard or “Best Value” plan, you’re going to get the 6-month guarantee.

Heres’ what the pricing looks like on Match.com’s site:

20% off Match.com Promo Code

You get amazing value even with the prices above. You can search literally millions of eligible singles, and narrow them down based upon what you’re looking for in the right one. But, why pay full price for all of this? With the 20% off Match.com Promo Code that I have available, here are the prices.

1 month: $28.79
3 months: $57.57
6 months: $95.95

As you can see, it’s less than $100 for 6 months of match.com, with a guarantee to boot. By sending good messages and securing dates, you can literally meet dozens of singles. Think of how much you would have spend on drinks to go out and get dates with that many women? Actually, don’t think about that, because it would be a depressingly high amount.

To save 20% off of Match.com, check out my Match.com promo codes and click on the 20% off coupon. You don’t have to enter a promo code, the prices should automatically adjust.

Here’s what the pricing page looks like with the 20% off match.com promo code:

One-time activation fee

The final cost to think about when signing up for match.com is their one-time activation fee of $2.99, which is just to set up your account for new members.

Continuous Billing

Keep in mind that once your subscription with Match.com expires, they’ll continue billing you. This can be convenient so you don’t suddenly start missing out on messages, but if you don’t want this (like if you met someone great) cancel your membership under Account > Settings.

Today is THE day for online dating

2013-04-15T23:47:22Z

Now that Christmas is over, New Year’s is just a few days away, and Valentine’s Day is less than two months away, thus begins THE dating season of the year. This isn’t just conjecture, it’s backed up with data, and it’s happening already – right now – the day after Christmas. You can see it at work with Google’s search data. Just look at the incredible activity on this graph, which shows how sharply searches for the most popular online dating sites have risen today:

Online dating searches are up sharply today

This isn’t only true for Christmas-celebrators, either. Even JDate – the popular Jewish dating site – experiences a sharp increase the day after Christmas:

JDate is also experiencing a huge increase in search traffic

So, if you’ve been taking a break from dating, or have just been putting it off, RIGHT NOW is the time to get back into it. There will be a huge influx of high-quality matches that aren’t going to last long at all. And, since you’ve been reading my online dating tips, you’ll have an advantage over the competition.

If you don’t already have an account, I have coupons to save 20% on Match.com, 20% off eHarmony, or a free trial of JDate.

Here’s a review of my top tips

To take full advantage of the huge influx of online daters, and find your best match, here’s a few tips:

Sort by “Newest First” Match.com has this feature, so you can get take a look at the members that just joined. This is a great way to meet those high-quality matches that disappear first. Read more >>
Do the “Who’s Viewed Me Shuffle” Go around viewing profiles, and you’ll show up in the “Who’s Viewed Me” of a bunch of great matches. This is a good way to get them to wink or message you, without spending hours crafting messages. Read more >>
Send some “One-Line Hooks” When you do find a match that strikes your fancy, don’t tell them your life story. Send a short message about something in their profile, ending with a question. It’s all about getting a conversation started. Read more >>

Good luck! I wish you new love in The New Year.

eHarmony Free Weekend: November 16–19th, 2012

2013-04-15T23:45:02Z

eHarmony is going to be having a free communication weekend this upcoming weekend. What does that mean? Well, that means that not only will you be able to take their in-depth personality profile, and write your eHarmony profile, but you’ll also be able to communicate with matches.

So, it’s worth a shot, right? If you’re looking for some help, check out some of my eHarmony advice, with tips such as how to write an eHarmony profile, and save some money with my eHarmony promotional codes.

If the prospect of free communication isn’t enough to get you to try eHarmony, you could check out my eHarmony review before you try it out.

If you get moving, you could have a new mate to invite to Thanksgiving dinner with the family…well, maybe not quite.

Sign up for the free communication weekend here.

How to Write an eHarmony Profile That Makes You the Most Interesting Man (or Woman) in the World

2013-04-15T23:44:11Z

My friend Gabe was striking out.

His eHarmony profile had been up for months, and he couldn’t get a date!

Gabe was discouraged that no one had shown interest. He was beginning to feel like eHarmony was a waste of time.

But before giving up, Gabe came to me for some eHarmony advice. He showed me his profile, and I could see why it wasn’t working.

So what was he doing wrong?

The Problem is That eHarmony Profiles Need More Flair

Gabe’s personality was missing from his profile!

His answers to the eHarmony profile questions didn’t paint a picture of what kind of guy Gabe was. He sounded boring and forgettable.

That’s a big problem, especially on eHarmony. Why?

First, eHarmony doesn’t give users a lot of matches, so a boring profile lowers your odds even more. That’s because the eHarmony Compatibility Matching System only gives you highly compatible matches. That’s a nice feature, but it also means that you get fewer matches than you would on other dating sites. And if your profile doesn’t sound interesting, those precious few matches can decline, or “close” on, you before you can even say hello.

Second, a boring profile lowers your chances of going on an actual date. eHarmony uses a “guided communication” process, in which matches start by sending each other multiple choice questions. Slowly the communication builds up to the “open communication” stage. A match might lose interest based on one multiple choice question if she has little else to go on. So, better keep that profile interesting!

I knew my friend Gabe was anything but boring and forgettable. And he was pretty successful on other dating sites.

So why was his eHarmony profile so boring?

The Two Reasons Why Your Profile Doesn’t Have Enough Flair

There are a couple of reasons why your eHarmony profile isn’t interesting.

First, eHarmony questions can breed boring answers. The site attracts a more mature, more serious audience, so the questions focus on core values. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but a focus on core values means less opportunity to be light, funny, and playful.

Second, it’s common to take eHarmony questions literally and not be more creative. Who’s the most influential person in your life? It might be your dad, but people won’t remember that answer. An answer like “Larry David”, on the other hand, is far more memorable. (And if a girl doesn’t like Seinfeld, she’s probably not marriage material anyway…)

So what can you do about a boring eHarmony profile?

Inject Personality into Your Profile to Get More Dates!

Once Gabe realized his profile needed to reflect his personality, he rewrote his profile…

Suddenly, he was getting tons of interest!

He was going on so many dates that he started using queue management, an engineering technique, to keep up with his dating life.

Gabe said it felt great to finally get results, but he was most excited by one match in particular: “She’s the best girl I’ve ever dated, times 100!” They’ve been together for more than a year.

So why does this approach work so well?

For one thing, if your profile is interesting, people will be intrigued and you’ll get more messages.

Consider a question like “The most important thing I am looking for in a person is”. A boring answer would be something like “I am looking for somebody who’s funny and adventurous.”

Do you see any personality sparkling through in that answer? Because I sure don’t.

Here’s an answer to the same question from a more interesting profile: “If you’re up for hopping on a last-minute flight to South America with me and would have a good sense of humor if the flight gets delayed, we’re all set.”

Factually, both answers are pretty similar. But isn’t the last one easier to start a conversation with?

Injecting personality into your profile also gives people a better idea of what you’re really like, which means you’ll get more compatible matches. After all, no one wants to waste money on a string of bad dates. Everyone wants that “best girl times 100” feeling.

So how can you write a more interesting profile?

eHarmony Advice: How to Give Your Profile a Sparkling Personality

You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggonit, people like you!

So let’s look at how to give your profile a sparkling personality, just like yours.

Take time to answer the profile questions. In other words, don’t write your answers after filling out eHarmony’s monster registration survey! Instead, copy the questions into a Word document. That way you can give it some real thought, and you won’t have to write in tiny boxes, hit save all the time, or worry about computer crashes.
If you can’t think of a good answer, skip the question. You don’t have to answer every question.
Write a first draft in a conversational tone, like you’re talking to a friend. Keep it light, funny, and honest. Don’t hold back your creativity and personality just because you love something someone else might hate.
Don’t answer eHarmony profile questions too literally. What are five things you can’t live without? If your answer is “food, shelter, water, air, and sun”, it may be true, but it’s also boring and forgettable. Instead, take every opportunity to inject your personality into your profile. An answer like “rock climbing, Tom Petty, habanero salsa, my guitar, and The Walking Dead” is far more interesting.
Be specific. Instead of saying you “enjoy being outdoors”, you could say you take your Golden Retriever, Sandy, on daily runs in City Park. That gives potential matches starting points like “I had a Golden Retriever as a kid” or “I love running, too!” The more you can “thin the ice” with conversation nuggets, the more approachable you’ll be.
Frame your answers inside your job or hobby. Scott Valdez of VirtualDatingAssistants.com says one way to answer boring eHarmony questions is to frame the answers inside your job or something you like to do. He points to one sample user who answered the “other than your appearance, what do people notice about you” question like this: “If you work the early morning shift at my gym, you know I’m one of the first ones in the door. Swimming is part of my daily routine. Yes, I swim in a Speedo. No, I don’t wear it in public. ;)”
Write a call to action. To give matches another easy conversation starter, include a call to action. For example, in the “a little more about you” section, you could say something like, “I’m looking for a great Mexican food restaurant, if you know of any, send me a message!”
Review your profile. Is it interesting? Could you start a conversation with someone based on this profile? Also, make sure that the first answer really pulls you in. Since eHarmony orders your answers at random, all your answers have to pull people in! But even the heaviest question can be made light and fun. For example, if your answer to “one thing I’m most passionate about” appears first, that’s too heavy for an introduction! I’d lighten things up by saying, “To answer something like that honestly and sincerely at the start is a bit much! But one thing I really enjoy is…”

Finally, make ongoing revisions. Pay attention to what people mention when they contact you. Maybe you expect them to ask about your unbelievable fantasy football record, but they never do. That means it’s probably not as interesting as you think!

If you’re looking to try eHarmony, you may as well get a discount. I have some eHarmony promotional codes available for you. Once you’re signed up, be sure to check out my eHarmony advice, such as looking out for eHarmony free weekends.

How to Eliminate Turn-Offs in Your Profile

2012-09-27T18:38:45Z

Are you tired of getting no replies to your dating profile? Zip, zero, nada?

Maybe you rewrite your profile every week, but you still don’t get messages.

It’s enough to make you consider deleting your profile and resigning yourself to the single life. But before you do that, you might want to check that you’re not making a very common mistake on your profile.

I see this mistake in almost every profile I look at. It’s just sad to think of how many dates people miss out on because of it. But before I tell you the mistake, can you see it for yourself? Check out this snippet from a real dating profile:

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why people are such jerks to each other. And are fish-lips photos the female equivalent of shirtless-man photos on this site?

Do you see what is this person is doing wrong?

The Problem Is You’re Making It All About YOU

First, in the example above, the guy implies that he thinks most people act like jerks, you included. Then, he harshly judges other users, presumably to make himself look better.

That profile is an example of a common problem: most people make their profiles all about themselves.

It’s all about me, me, me! And if they mention you, it’s only to explain that you shouldn’t be a jerk. Or scared of commitment. Or a player.

Making your profile all about you turns off potential matches in at least three ways.

First, “don’t contact me if” statements can be insulting to the reader. For example, saying “jerks need not apply”, makes a reader think, “You think I’m a jerk.”

Second, it can make you look self-absorbed. Check out how egotistical this woman sounds:

I’m looking for a man who will actually put some effort into dating. Don’t just send me a text asking me what I feel like doing on our date. Come up with a plan. I’m up for anything as long as it’s not illegal. Oh yeah, and instead of texting, try picking up the phone and calling! Texting is so cowardly.

The statements are all about exactly what she expects a guy to do, down to how he should contact her. Otherwise he’s “cowardly”.

Third, it can make you seem entitled, like this woman’s profile:

I’m wondering, with more than 1.4 million males in Chicago, where are all the real men? Hmm? Seriously, I’m just one bad date away from becoming a nun. Or a lesbian.

Ouch! Where are all the men in Chicago, she asks? I imagine they’re hiding from her…

When your profile is all about you, calls the reader a jerk, or makes you look self-absorbed and entitled, it’s only natural that people will get turned off and not contact you.

So if making your profile all about yourself hurts you, why do we do it?

The Real Reasons You’re Making It All About YOU

There are a couple of reasons why we make our profiles all about numero uno.

First, it’s human nature to be a little selfish. We naturally think about everything from our own perspective, not the other person’s perspective. And aren’t we supposed to be talking about ourselves on our profiles?

Second, we’re all trying to avoid painful experiences. The human brain is wired to avoid pain and danger. Many people view online dating as a last resort. They’re tired of the bar scene, but they feel online dating means they’ve somehow failed. They also probably haven’t had great dating experiences in the past. So exclusionary statements like “jerks need not apply” are meant to ward off more painful experiences and rejection. The only problem is that they also ward off potential matches!

Talk about working against yourself. So how do you avoid making it all about you?

How Making It About THEM Gets You More Dates

Imagine that a cute girl is browsing dating profiles. She sees your profile pic, and she thinks you’re kinda cute! Cute Girl clicks on your profile to read more. Score!

Only she’s not that into what you have to say. Cute Girl closes your profile in disgust.

You had a good thing going for a second there. So how do you avoid writing statements that turn off a potential Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Follow the Golden Rule: Write your profile with the other person in mind.

This has two major benefits. First, it starts building a relationship by showing the other person that you think that he or she is important, too.

We can see how this works by looking at how comedian Louis C.K. scored a date in the Louie episode “Daddy’s Girlfriend Part 1”. In the show, Louie’s love life is so pathetic that even his kids are giving him flak about it.

So he decides to shake things up and asks a cute bookstore clerk out on a date. In his long, rambling monologue, he tells her he fully expects to be rejected. But he shows empathy, too, recognizing that it must be difficult to be in her position:

I know that being a woman in New York must be hard because it’s basically maybe disappointing because you try to be nice to men as human beings, and then they respond by just torpedoing towards your vagina…

…[more rambling]…

Can you tell me now? Did this work?

She agrees to go out with him. His pitch wasn’t pretty, but he showed consideration for her position.

The second benefit is that writing your profile with the other person in mind makes people feel positive feelings about you. That means they’ll be more likely to contact you.

For example, if you’re thinking about the person reading your profile, you’re unlikely to write “jerks need not apply.” You’ll naturally cut the negative, insulting language.

Ready to rewrite your dating profile to make it all about them? Let’s look at how to do it!

How to Make Your Profile About Them (And Not Me, Me, Me!)

Do this exercise: when you’re done writing your profile, close your eyes for a minute. Pretend you’re a different person, open your eyes, and read each sentence of your profile as if it’s someone else’s profile.

Think about how each sentence makes you feel.

If it makes you feel good, you’re good to go! If it makes you feel bad, there are a few ways to inject some positive feelings:

Instead of writing about what you DON’T want, write about what you DO want. For example, instead of writing, “don’t contact me if you’re a player”, you could write, “contact me if you’re looking for a committed relationship”.
Think about the other person’s situation. Is this a woman who’s probably getting bombarded with messages? Is this a man who, like most men, have to send a ton of messages just to get one reply? Here’s a great example of how one woman showed empathy for men reading her profile:

I know guys don’t have it easy on this site, and I really feel for you. I’ve heard that most guys are lucky to get one response for every 10-20 messages you send. And if you’re writing each message specifically for each person, which I admit is what I’m looking for, that’s a lot of work. If you write me, I just want to say I appreciate it, even if I don’t reply to every message.

Use humor to lighten things up. This can be a little tricky! You have to make sure it’s very obvious that you’re being playful. Here’s an example I liked:

The stuff in this profile – especially small things like music preferences – doesn’t really matter to me. What does matter is that we’re kind to one another, enjoy making each other laugh, and make a great team.

Unless you listen to Nickelback. They’re just horrible.

So, what do you think? Ready to test these techniques on your own dating profile? Let me know in the comments!

Match.com ‘Stir’ Events Advice

2013-05-16T18:23:36Z

On one of my many Match.com dates – this one a few years ago – while chatting about the subject of online dating, one of my dates had a clever idea: “I want to message a bunch of people on Match.com, and invite them to a bar for a meetup. Not speed dating, just a bunch of single people getting dates.” I thought it was a great idea, but of course, neither of us ended up doing anything about it. Fortunately, we didn’t have to. Over the past couple of months, Match.com has been rolling out “Stir,” which is exactly what my date and I were brainstorming about. It’s a bunch of Match.com subscribers, all in one bar, chatting and mingling. No awkward speed-dating. It’s like going to a bar, but knowing everyone there is single. Well, almost everyone. Each Match.com subscriber can bring up to 3 guests. So, if you’re nervous to go it alone, you can spend more time complaining to your friends about your dating life. Here’s a little review of how these events work:

A bunch of Match.com subscribers (& their guests) at an event: could be a bar, a wine tasting, or a bowling night
Currently available in 20 US cities – should be nationwide by September 2012. Match.com expects to host 500,000 singles at 3,000 events over the next year.
Invitees for the event guest list are supposedly chosen based upon compatibility algorithms that Match has been building up over the years.

Match is marketing these events pretty aggressively, too. They’ve been running ads on TV, and if you’re signed up for Match at all, chances are you’ve been getting emails from them. They’re also marketing the events right on the dashboard you see after signing in. But, the most powerful way they’re marketing this? By telling me how many women are RSVP’d for the next event in my area:

Whoa, that's a lot of ladies!

Wow. These are going to be big. Review these tips for making your experience a good one:

Don’t be afraid to go alone. You’ll force yourself to actually talk to people, rather than clinging to your friends. If you really can’t bare to try it alone, bring a single friend. Or, I guess, a single single friend. I mean, one single friend. Get it? Hopefully I don’t have to tell you why bringing an attached friend isn’t going to help you out.
Talk to everyone. If nobody catches your eye right away, just turn to someone of the opposite sex and strike up a conversation. What to talk about? Well, it’s easy. Talk about the cool new event. “Have you been to one of these before? How have you liked Match.com so far?” You’ll be amazed what can come from an honest conversation.
Be positive. Chances are, at least some of your experience with online dating has been stressful or disappointing. Well, that’s just the way dating is sometimes. Try to not have a rant about how “none of the women respond to my messages,” or “all of the guys are creepy.” If you must joke about someone you met online, try not to do it condescendingly. Any of this will just reflect poorly on your personality.
Make a good impression. Dress at least as well as you would for a date. Iron your clothes, take a shower, smell good, but don’t put on too much cologne.

Overall, just be constantly in action, avoid being a wallflower, be fun and in the moment. Where are these events going to be? I haven’t been able to find a list, but I know they are at least in Chicago and Pittsburgh. It would be a safe bet that they are also in San Francisco (San Jose, Oakland), New York City, Boston, Washington D.C., Miami, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Dallas, Austin, Denver, and Phoenix. Have you heard of events in your area? Tell us in the comments. If you want to stay up-to-date on Stir events in your area, sign up for Match.com. But, if you want to get on the guest list to attend an event, you’ll have to subscribe, so you may as well use one of my Match.com promo codes.

eHarmony Review

2013-05-09T02:27:08Z

eHarmony.com
Reviewed by Russ Ruggles on May 8, 2013
Rating: 4.5

A great choice for the more serious dater

I've tried about every dating site you can imagine. If you've tried some of the "search and pick" style dating sites, like OkCupid, you know that it can be frustrating to find reliable people who are serious about finding a match. eHarmony tends to attract a crowd that really wants to find a solid relationship. They spend great effort trying to figure out just what makes two people work together. They use their formula to *only* send you matches that are right for you.

This post is one of a series of online dating site reviews I have planned for some of the best online dating sites. Since we just recently started offering eHarmony promotional codes, I thought it would be great to start with eHarmony. A few main points about eHarmony:

eHarmony matches you on 29 different dimensions, ranging from curiosity and emotional energy to sexual passion and appearance. It takes about 40 minutes to take the initial survey and get started on the site.
Matches are delivered to you in batches so that you have about 10 different matches to review at any one time. There is no search function on the site because eHarmony only delivers compatible matches to you. Once you’ve reached your limit of active matches, you have to “archive” matches you aren’t interested in to get more matches.
eHarmony uses a “guided communication” process, which consists of matches sending each other multiple choice questions, and building up through several stages to “open communication”
There are some features that allow you to bypass some of eHarmony’s controlled process, such as “What If?,” which allows you to sort through matches, one-by-one, that eHarmony didn’t quite match you with. You can also request to bypass the “guided communication” process and send a message directly to a match.
eHarmony is the most expensive of the popular dating sites. A single month costs about $59.99, with considerable discounts for multiple-month packages. eHarmony discount coupons are sometimes available. You can try eHarmony for free, but you won’t be able to view the photos of your matches, or communicate with them.
eHarmony attracts an older, more conservative, more marriage-minded crowd.

Is eHarmony for you?

If you’re someone who is dead-set on finding a serious relationship – that will hopefully lead to marriage – then eHarmony is probably the best online dating site for you. They’re very serious about matching people up into successful relationships, and it shows. They invest a ton of their time and money into figuring out what makes relationships work, and everything about their service is geared toward finding just the right match for you.

But, if you aren’t that serious about finding the perfect relationship, you’re probably going to get impatient using eHarmony. From signing up to the site, to taking their extensive personality survey, to viewing your first matches takes about 40 minutes! But, the matches that you will see are practically hand-picked just for you. eHarmony analyzes your personality on 29 different dimensions, such as adaptability and intellect, and crunches numbers to find the match that complements you perfectly.

The upside of the seriousness of eHarmony is that the matches you find are also dead-set on finding a relationship that works. You’ll find way more profiles citing that they’re looking for qualities such as “loyalty, dependability, and kindness” than you will find on the standard needle-in-a-haystack sites such as OkCupid and Match, where the emphasis seems to be more about experiential qualities, such as looking for someone to “explore the city with,” or seemingly arbitrary qualities, such as what band someone likes best.

How it works

If you’re on eHarmony, you have to trust and believe in their expertise, or you may get frustrated with the process. You aren’t able to simply search through matches and message them, like on sites such as OkCupid and Match. But, they do keep a queue of matches that they have selected just for you. You can communicate with your matches through the “guided communication” process (building from multiple-choice questions, up to “open communication”). In my experience, this process can take as long as a few weeks, though there is an option available to skip the whole process and just send a message.

Because there’s no search function on eHarmony, you have to be prepared for a few matches that might not be what you would normally go for. They ask you about your preferences for body type and physical appearance, but there is almost no control over the ages of the matches that they send you (they ask you “how important” the age of your match is, but don’t ask you for an age range). So, if you’re the popular-culture standard male who prefers slimmer and younger women, you may be surprised as you get a few older and larger women. But, they have been chosen to complement your personality, so you might find it worthwhile to give them strong consideration anyway.

But, eHarmony continues to innovate and improve their features over the years. For example, they now allow you to connect your profile to Facebook (check your Facebook privacy settings while you do this, if it concerns you), and see if you have any friends in common with other potential matches that have connected their profiles. Additionally, you can send a match to a Facebook friend using “Ping a friend,” so they can give you the thumbs-up.

Here’s a little video review of how eHarmony works:

The price

If all of this wasn’t enough to weed-out the aloof, eHarmony is also the most expensive of the best online dating sites. One month of eHarmony is nearly $60, compared to a month of Match.com – which is a little less than $40, or OkCupid, which is pretty much free. There are, of course, eHarmony discount promotional codes available, and sometimes eHarmony has “free communication weekends” usually on a holiday weekend such as Memorial Day or Labor Day.

The verdict

There’s no question that eHarmony is one of the best online dating sites – I wouldn’t even be writing about it otherwise. But, it definitely doesn’t have a standard approach. If you’re really serious about finding a serious relationship – with enough patience and commitment – eHarmony is the perfect place for you to find it.

eHarmony Advice

Once you’ve signed up for eHarmony, check out some of my eHarmony Advice, such as how to write an eHarmony profile. Also, keep an eye out for eHarmony free weekends.