~

“Is that a, uhhh, praying mantis?” I asked.

“No,” replied the cardiologist.

“Well whatizzit?” I asked, still dulled by the pain meds.

We both sat staring at the large video screen of the cardiac cath room.  In my amused state, the red, insect-shaped blot in my chest didn’t look alarming; just curious.

To Dr. Kar, it was obviously disconcerting.

“This is your L.A.D. – your Left Anterior Descending artery.  It’s 100% blocked.”

“Oh,” I said.

“This other one over here is also 60% blocked,” he continued.

“Oh,” I said, a bit more quietly.

“The only reason you haven’t had a heart attack is here,” he continued, pointing to a cluster of collateral arteries that had developed around the heart.  ”These are what saved you.”

At that moment, something strange happened:  I regained an awareness of my hospital gown – such a ridiculous, shameful garment.   Such an ugly, perfect metaphor for my poor health since 2000.

I found out later that the L.A.D. – and any obstruction thereof – is called the “Widow Maker”.  Lovely, right?  Here I am, 39 years old, husband, and father of five, hearing the term “Widow Maker” applied to the most major of my vital organs.  All of this while draped in my swanky hospital gown showing partial buttocks.

This was enough.

My Sickness, Not My Excuse

We’re all sick of hearing about how sick people are right?  Me too.  But in case you’ve never heard it, my short story goes like this:  In 2000, I had a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) in my left leg.  This basically means I “threw a blood clot”.  Clots sometimes go to your brain (stroke) or to your lungs and can kill you.  I survived and was given a lifetime prescription of blood thinners.

18 months later, I developed serious arthritis and began losing clumps of hair.  In December, 2002, I was told I had Lupus.  After many months and years of sickness and failing treatments – both western and holistic, I had no choice but Prednisone (a common steroid) to manage symptoms.  These six+ years of steroid use have likely been the main culprit in the hardening arteries – hence the praying mantis found in my LAD.

In the midst of all this, I started Oberata Consulting in June, 2005.  Part of this launch was because I needed to leave my former job – a stressful sales position with an organization lacking a healthy culture.  It was a good move.  I could now work from a home office, call my own shots, and do what I loved:  teach, learn, interact, and help people to manage themselves and their small businesses.

Like any beginning consultant, I had my hiccups.  But after 4 years, I’d really begun to find a confident groove.  Yet my health hadn’t improved as much as we’d hoped. Even though the stress felt different (from sales guy to business owner), I still couldn’t negotiate it safely.  Despite dealing with many concepts about balance and the ‘purpose of problems’ I just couldn’t get to that higher level of existence where I was confidently calling shots, hitting goals, and really winning.  I was burning lots of energy – lots of oil – and the engine was hot.

Surprise, right?  Running a business is hard! I’ve been so stubborn at times to not even admit this.  Now that I can admit it, it’s still difficult because now I feel like a hypocrite.  After dealing with so many clients about their own issues running their businesses, I’m experiencing some of the failures I’ve guided them through.  And I can’t hack it.

Have you ever seen one of those guides for finding a good business consultant?  One of the key factors is “find out if their own business is successful!”  HA!  What a great idea and a curse all at once.  See, the thing is, I have been successful on many fronts, but I don’t have the white papers and millions in revenues to prove it.

What do I have?  Some data, some testimonials, increasing revenues in each successive year, and, best of all, some earnest conversations with clients that have validated my effort.  Really.  The negative voices haven’t been completely silenced, but they’re really far off.  This is good!

The other thing?  Even though stating it plainly can be a slippery slope, I feel like I have established authenticity.  Authenticity is one of the most vital elements in the consultant – client relationship.  What does that mean?

Here’s what it doesn’t mean (necessarily):  “I’ve conquered this problem, Mr. Client, and here’s how you conquer it.” It can also mean, “Mr. Client, I am having this exact same problem in my own organization, and I haven’t figured it out yet.  But here’s what I am trying.  What are you trying?  What ought we practice together?”

Man, talk about pure asbestos for your proposal.  How do you demonstrate authenticity as a value up front?  It’s sickening in a way, and scary for the consultant.  Is this really a value?  I think it is.  It’s probably the biggest thing I’ve discovered, in fact.  Authenticity is the approach that says “I don’t know it all, and we can only do this together.” It’s a perfect synchronicity, because people aren’t looking so much for a solution, a program, or a method.  They want another person who will listen, has some expertise and experience, and can keep them focused.  That’s it.  The rest is really DIY; people really already know what to do; it’s just a matter of focus and consistency.  My greatest successes have been with clients who understand this and capitalize on it.

That’s why there’s hope as I enter my sabbatical:  I can do a lot.  There are, however, a lot of questions that remain unanswered, including, “How long is your sabbatical?”  ”How will you pay all your bills?”  ”What are your goals for your sabbatical?” “How will you know when to come back?”  ”What will you come back to do?”

I have to be OK not answering all of these right now.  What I do know:  I’ll be reading a lot, writing / blogging a lot (please keep reading & commenting), and may perhaps resurrect some old music projects.  I’ve got to recharge everything, and that’s tough.  Right now, I’m facing lots of fun ‘doctor play’ including heart bypass surgery on 9/4/09.  I expect to feel tons better after that . . . and will likely be able to exert more (exercise more), feel better, do more, etc.  To be sure, I have a lot hounding me right now, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Yes, there are millions who have it worse than I do, but I need this break, no matter the consequences.  I have awesome family, an awesome wife, and incredible friends who have been so supportive it’s just ridiculous.

As for Oberata Consulting, the lights will be on.  I’ll keep up the website, the blog posts, the email, and of course the PHONE (not that it rings all that often).  I love what I’ve been able to build and we’ll see where it goes.

No sidebar here – I am so grateful to the amazing people who have invested so much into me:  Colleen, Shawn, Kay, Eric, Rachel, Randy, John, MOM, Jeremy, Bill, Blain, David, the entire Total Integration team, all my clients, everyone at BNI Flagship NE, and even a few snarky experts that I follow online (you know who you are).

So here I go a-resting.  For a while, I’m going to leave “business owner” off my name tag.  Instead, it’s husband, daddy, friend, and, mostly, human being looking to really live.

As a final note, instead of accepting your “thoughts & prayers” promises, I would much rather hear directly from you.  Just send me an email, a comment, or call!  I find this is much closer to God in Action than submitting holy requests in private.  Plus, in this case, I get to hear what you really hope and think.

Thanks,

Jeff Timpanaro

I read a tweet once that said, “

That’s overstated of course, and I think the jury’s still out.  

I am still doing my own 12-month analysis of Twitter, as it applies to small business strategy (both my own and that of my clients).  Along the way, I just can’t help but to poke fun.  

These 8 haikus are just my random thoughts from a light afternoon.  Enjoy.

________________

I’m a loser then

I am still a loser now

Follow me to hell.

________________

Yes I got your #fail

It is stuck inside my craw

You just don’t get it.

________________

I am an expert

You click now upon my link

See, I’m an expert.

________________

Read me, read me now!

Time stands still in Twitterverse

Real work?  That can wait.

________________

You share and I share

Relationship blooming now.

Will we ever meet?

________________

Followers galore

Hot air blowing day and night

Unfollowed, Bozo

________________

Here’s another quote

Brimming with significance

Don’t I make you smile?

________________

O my followers

Where would you be without me?

Productive and glad?

________________

PLEASE add your own in the comments, or of course let me know if you liked any one of mine in particular!

RELATED POSTS:  “Best Little Whorehouse in Social Media:  Some milestone observations”

Duh!

You might not think that Max Brooks’ book World War Z – An Oral History of the Zombie War would be rich with metaphor for small business.  Tut tut!  I happen to know many business owners who deal with zombies everyday – their employees. 

How are small business employees – even managers and VPs – like zombies?  Here are five ways:

1. They move in slow limps
2. They are single-minded and think only of their own survival
3. They can kill you
4. They can infect others
5. They ooze brown goop when their limbs are ripped out

OK, number 5 may be a stretch, but here’s the point.  I have listened to many clients bemoan the fact that “My people just don’t care” and “I’ve tried everything to bring this person around”.  I make light of it, but it really frustrates hard-working owners who want people to inherit their hearts for what they’re trying to do.  Despite their best intentions, they just can’t get more than minimum effort out of their staff.  

This can literally kill a small business.  So what can an owner do?

AIM GUN FOR BRAINS

There are really only two possible scenarios here.  First, the business owner has not trained, developed, or managed his people well enough.  The “lack of management, period” is indeed a scourge in small business.  If this is the case, the business owner must build a comprehensive training program, management routine, and career path for every employee.  

This is part and parcel of building a strong culture, without which few businesses can survive.

If, however, his people really just don’t care and he really has tried everything, he ought not hesitate.  He should aim his gun at their worthless zombie brains and do them a favor.  FIRE!

I have heard a ton of excuses for not firing people.  They include:

1. Well, I haven’t given them enough of a chance
2. Well, we can’t afford to be short handed right now, it’ll kill us
3. Well, she knows the system better than anyone
4. Well, I just can’t bring myself to do it

To borrow a term from supermodel Kathy Ireland (who we hope may have a zombie encounter of her own someday), all of these can be summed up as OSTRICHING.  Yes, that’s head in the sand.  Not wanting to deal with confrontation.  Hiding in the closet while zombies are closing in!  Do those zombies a favor (and your business a favor, too) by flexing your Terminator muscle.  BLAM!  BLAM BLAM!  goes Schwarzenegger.  “Yoah tehrminettid.”

RUNNING A BUSINESS TAKES BRAINS & GUTS

Now that you’re resolved to blast away when necessary, a few final points.  First, you must keep a record of all discrepancies as they happen, be it in a log, journal, or spreadsheet.  This will be your, ahem, “alibi” when authorities come around knocking, wondering why you “killed the zombie!”  It will also be an objective standard that’ll make you feel justified and the discarded zombie less litigious.  

Second, the early things you detect as problems with new employees may be things to be developed; the “fodder” of how you manage them.  Don’t fire people prematurely.  You simply must be able to distinguish between those who will help your vision with character, skill and dedication and those who will not.

In other words, who’s a zombie and who’s a keeper?

Related articles:  The Good Manager’s Tool Kit O’ Questions

A true story from my distant past.  If we could all follow my friend Jason’s lead, handling ’situational adversity’ would be a cinch . . . not to mention a total riot.

One night when I was 16, I went to a party with two of my good friends, Drew and Jason.  It was one of those ‘my parents-are-out-of-town’ things, where some audacious teen would convert his parents’ beautiful home into a frat house for one night.  A honey of a deal if you could get in.

I remember this rager was being thrown by someone slightly older – perhaps a senior.  As lowly sophomores, we knew we had to be “cool” as we strutted up the driveway.  So we puffed out our chests, toted our 6-packs of beer, and lit up a few smokes.  

What happened next could have been a scene out of Revenge of the Nerds.  

As we approached the back end of the house by the garage, we noticed several large figures standing around talking and drinking beer.  Football players.  <oh great>.  It was almost as if they were bouncers, making sure no losers would tread upon this party.

As we neared them, they eyed us up and down, frowning. 

“Let’s just keep walking,” I thought.

Drew and Jason followed me as we walked past them toward the back yard.  But just as we went by, I heard a huge <SSKKKKKRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH klink-klink-klink-klink>.   I stopped and turned around.

Jason had kicked over a tower of empty beer cans . . . one that had been built carefully by the football players.

We all froze, looking down at Jason’s demolition of about 20 cans of Miller Lite.  We then looked up at a huddle of massive jocks who were assessing the mess, and of course their options for killing us.  

I was pretty scared.  I’m not sure what was going on in Drew’s mind, but Jason somehow came up with a miracle response that I cannot fathom to this day.  It got us off the hook and made everyone happy.  

“PICK ‘EM UP!” blurted some behemoth who probably wore a #79 on his football jersey.  The others stared with expectation.

Politely but directly, Jason responded, “O.K. . . .  How would you like them stacked?”

That one comment – given so graciously and under such pressure – completely reversed an unsavory situation.  His composure and tone were amazing, especially for a 16 year old.  You could almost hear an audible snap in the tension.  It was just gone.

While I was sitting there thinking, “Which direction should I run?” Jason just took it in complete stride and went with it.  He picked up several of the cans and started making a new Lite pyramid.  But after a few seconds, the guys just said, ”Ah, hey, don’t worry about it man.” And we went on our way.

So how about that?  Simple humor had trumped rage.  Solomon was onto something in Proverbs 15:1:  ’A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’.  

JACKHOLE TRAIL

23 years after the beer pyramid incident, I still struggle with responding to “situational” adversity as well as Jason did.  

For example, in 2006, I gave a time management seminar to about 30 people.  Like any good presenter, I offered a feedback form for the attendees.  I wish to improve, after all. Right?

25 of the 26 forms I got back had positive comments.  ”GREAT STUFF!”  ”NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE, JEFF!”  ”THIS TOTALLY HELPED!”  were typical of the 25.  But #26.  

#26 had only one line in the comment section.  “This was nothing more than a 2-hour sales pitch.”

By my reaction, you’d have thought this guy had insulted my mother, given me a royal wedgie, and left the room laughing.  I was destroyed by this.  Seriously, I think I walked around moping for an entire week or more about #26.  Why?

The “textbook” answer I’ve found is interesting.  It talks about how our brain (specifically the amygdala for you TOTAL geeks out there) processes information. Experts like the folks at Emotional Intelligence say we must wait at least 6 seconds before responding to a verbal attack.

HA!  Try that in traffic!  Even funnier, try that if you’re me with a wounded ego because of nasty Mr. #26.  

Granted, he wasn’t in the room any longer.  But even if he had been there, I was FAR from a cool, Jason-istic response.  I was a lot closer to Eeyore.  Or Grumpy.

Yes, yes, I know.

“Battle the ego daily, Jeffrey.”  

“Pain is your teacher, Jeffrey.”  

“You can’t please everyone all the time, Jeffrey.”  

OK, so the textbook answer isn’t quite sufficient.  In my heart I know it’s about practice.  

“Your true character,” says popular orator Dennis Peacocke, “is how you are without thought.”  In other words, practice in the now.  Practice IS the now.  Beyond anticipating the interactions you may have throughout your day, embrace the now.

Allright so I’m here in my emotional underwear, but I really think I’m improving.  It’s because of all the practice!  Not that I volunteered for it . . it’s just that my life seems to intersect with so many jackholes – including the one in the mirror – that not learning would be just impossible.

Hooray for life.

As always, hearing from you IS THE BEST PART.  Comments make my day.

Related articles:

Spillage – a story of grocery store rage and what I learned

Has Your Amygdala Been Hijacked?  Wait One More Second

“Observe the masses, then do the opposite” – Slogan for leftlane designs (Houston, TX)

I think this slogan is far closer to the “American Dream”.  It’s what we all want, whether we are business owners, employees, or something in between.  But in my experience, I’ve been feeling some “hot air” and it’s not just because I reside in Houston.

The Danger of Me-ism

You know, it’s all fine and dandy to walk around claiming you’re the town gunslinger, boasting of your quick draw, your ’steel’, and your undefeated lifetime record in 1 on 1 gun battles.

But are you shootin’ blanks, “pardner”?  Have you only been successful because no one’s calling your bluff?  Are you the proverbial cloud with no rain?

In our boastful advertising genius, we lead with our expertise, our services, and mostly ourselves.  After all, we are our brand, right?  People want experts, and it’s our job (via social media and every other channel you can think of) to let them know we are the best of the best.  We are unique.  Superior in every way.  

We are married inseparably to “customer worship, innovation on your behalf, and excellence.”

Knickabocka pleez.  You can’t even manage your own schedule.

Culture of Risk

OK.  So we know when our business gets to wear big boy pants someday, we want to have that swagger.  We want to buck trends, innovate, and really keep our industry guessing what our next move will be.  

If we are to truly embody leftlane’s slogan, “Observe the masses, then do the opposite” – we are going to need some exercise built into our routine.  

Here are three that I hope will help you.

1.  Your website & website strategy must change:  Since the early 90s, websites have been largely an online brochure for your company.  No more!  One simple look around tells us that successful companies – both large and small – are using websites for (a) building relationships and (b) providing value.  

There are volumes written about this, but a good start might be converting to a WordPress site and learning to blog through your website.  Get started w/ a $39.95 WordPress tutorial here.  I did this series and it was phenomenal.

Your website should have an explosive sound <FOOM> when people arrive.  I’m talking about design, here, primarily.  But after that initial impression, do you think you know what they are looking for?  Hint:  It’s usually not a widget, a service, or a coupon, or heaven forbid “information about your company”. It’s a living, breathing person who can help them.  

So make it impossibly easy to identify with you, find you, and connect to you.  This can be as simple as asking a question or making a statement that’s hard to ignore.  For my site, www.Oberata.com, I make a simple statement at the top banner of the home page.  I hope they read it first!  It says:  

“YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS!  OBERATA helps you to put them into action.”  

This is more than a slogan.  It puts them at ease in a few ways.  First, it says, “I’m not going to attempt to dazzle you with sales trickery or fancy answers.  I’m not the Answer Man.  YOU are.  This is good, because I can come alongside you and help you to implement what you know is right.”  

This snubs the traditional, brochure-esque, “Hey welcome to our site now what can we sell you?”  It hints that there is a buying process that starts with a relationship, a sharing of a common problem, etc.

2.  Reverse engineer problems:   I love this problem solving ethic.  Take any problem you or your clients have and reverse engineer it.  In other words, pretend you’ve lost your mind and you actually want to create the problem.  For example, if a clothing retailer is having lots of turnover because of frustrated employees, ask yourself the question, “What could I do to cause managers to leave within 6 months of their hire date?”  Answers could be, “Train them poorly, under-compensate them, overwork them, ask for more work without more pay, ridicule them in team meetings, etc.”  

Once you’ve done this (and enjoyed a hearty laugh), solving problems becomes so much simpler!  What usually happens is that we find management and leadership oversights, enabling us to identify quicker solutions.

3.  Literally observe the masses and literally do the opposite:  Yes, I mean it.  Take the top 5 stalwarts of your industry and fire cannonballs into their strategy.  Pick apart something you loathe about them and do an about face in your own offering.  

A good example of this is the Patagonia Company, who realized in retrospect that a “grow or die” business model almost killed them completely.  Known for their natural niche in the specialty outdoor market, Patagonia had expanded the variety of its clothing line by more than 30%, but the diversity hurt the company’s performance significantly.  The CEO cited “fear of runaway growth” as a major stop sign.  

“The fewer styles we make, the more we can focus on quality.  We think the future of clothing will be ‘less is more’ and that a few good clothes will last a long time.  We have never wanted to be the largest outdoor clothing company in the world, we have only wanted to be the best.” – Yvon Chouinard, CEO Patagonia

This type of swagger requires an appointment with yourself.  If you’re beyond ‘white belt’ and actually have time for strategy / research built into your schedule, why not make it rebellion-themed?  I mean, if I see an appointment with myself Thursday at 3 p.m. entitled “Industry Research & Education” I’m just about lulled to sleep.  But if it says, Thursday, 3 p.m. “Swagger / Ass-kickin’ time” then I’m much more likely to execute.