Latest Articles

'Hilary' on the radio

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 01:09:57 +0100

Tom Robinson just played our song 'Hilary' on BBC 6 Music. Brilliant!

You can listen to the show by visiting this page http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/shows/tom_robinsons_introducing/ and following some links and things. It's the show dated 23rd August, we're on fairly early and you can listen back any time this week. If that's what you're into.

Good then

Nick Reviews: Jeyes Fluid

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:40:56 +0100

At £3.95, damn. That is a whole lot of Jeyes Fluid. I could clean multiple things with that. I mean lots of things. So long as they were outdoors, I could clean them.

But I have some problems with Jeyes Fluid.

Firstly, what is it? Until I found this in a cupboard several weeks ago, I had never heard of Jeyes Fluid in my life. As we all know, I am a busy man. My priorities mainly steer away from cleaning things outdoors. If I left them outside in the first place, surely that means I don’t give a crap about them, right? Otherwise I would have brought them in?

But also, I know it’s a bad photo, but I’m fairly sure the picture on the top left of the tin says “Deodorises Drains”. Whoa now. Back up the Jesus Bus. That’s a different gravy right there. That’s not like cleaning some moip off a Barbecue or Patio Heater. That’s ‘deodorising’ something that supposed to be full of shit and smelly. Brian Eno once famously said after producing U2’s fifth studio album ‘Joshua Tree’

“You can’t polish a turd.”

Evidently Brian Eno hadn’t heard of Jeyes Fluid. If so that album wouldn’t have sucked so bad.

It gets worse. The picture on the top right of the tin says “Disinfects Patios” and shows an image of a dog on a patio. Insinuating that the patio is now clean enough for the dog to safely travel over without infection? Im not sure. What is clear to me is if I had spent actual time disinfecting a patio, (if that can actually be done), I certainly wouldn’t let the dog walk about on it afterwards. The dog would be miles away from the patio if anything. I’d probably be eating off the patio or something to drive the point home that it was disinfected.

The tin also claims the fluid “Clears Paths”. Also not true. People clear paths, with brooms. But that isn’t the worst claim. Oh no no. It gets far worse. The worst claim is in bold yellow text at the bottom of the tin. That’s right, at the bottom in the red strip. Now you see it? Yep, there it is. Jeyes fluid “Kills Bird Flu”. I repeat for emphasis, Jeyes Fluid can kill bird flu. Completely kills it. No worries. Kills it dead. Done.

How does Jeyes Fluid kill bird flu? And why didn’t anyone inform our government during that tough time? Do we drink it? Do we have to be outside when we drink it for it to work? Does it kill Swine flu too? It probably does considering it promises to polish turds and deodorise drains. If I rub Jeyes fluid into all birds in my garden, am I safe from all types of flu? What’s a hypotenuse?

So many questions, so few facts. As always in this scenario, I decided to check the ever knowledgeable and always factually correct, Wikipedia.com for the answers.

Wikipedia told me and I quote,

“Jeyes Fluid is a brand of disinfectant fluid made in Thetford, Norfolk, England. Its is for outdoor use only.”[sic]

I’m not sure if the sick in my mouth is because the lack of an apostrophe in the word It’s, or the fact that someone actually wrote ‘Its is’.

‘It’s’ fundamentally being a word created as a contraction of ‘It is’ or ‘It has’.

Don’t get me wrong, if the sentence had been possessive like,

“The Jeyes Fluid ate its dinner, twice.”

Then I would have been totally cool with it lacking an apostrophe. All in all I think the sick in my mouth is because Wikipedia was wrong about something. Wikipedia is never wrong. Never.

In conclusion, Jeyes Fluid is not only completely pointless, and possibly made up, it also meant U2 continued to make music after the Joshua Tree album. If that turd had been polished, maybe they would have thought they couldn’t have topped that record and called it a day. This is a shame.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeyes_Fluid

New Single and Album

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 13:50:40 +0100

Our brand new single 'Hilary' came out on Monday 27th July, the same day we played Guildford with Dave House and Gavin Osborn. That was a good day. Thanks to everybody who has ordered a copy online, picked one up at a show, from Acorn Records, Yeovil or Banquet Records, Kingston. We really appreciate that support and the kind comments on our webpage.

If you've not got yourself one yet and you'd like to, you should do that quick, we only made 300 and people keep buying them! http://encyclopedia.bigcartel.com is the place to go, or if you're shopping at Banquet online add one to your cart here http://www.banquetrecords.com/index.jsp?item=11278. Thanks.

We've spent the past few months working on a new album in my garage. It'll be called 'Difficult Season' and released this Autumn, again on the Tshirt Records label. Among the tracks included are:

'Nightbus From Brixton', '07/08: Difficult Season', 'Heartache', 'Jen's a Model (And I'm a Rocker)' and 'Buddy, You Got No Idea'.

We've been playing all these tracks at our shows just lately. Maybe let us know if you saw one of those.

We'll be in touch soon. Ba

Pre-order the new single 'Hilary' by Encyclopedia

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 01:34:55 +0100

Hey there! Thanks for stopping by. This is my first post on our sparkly new website, and it instantly goes top 5 posts of all time. Why? Because it's been about 2 years coming, and because it's brilliant. Finally our new single 'Hilary' is available for pre-order and has a proper release date of Monday 27th July. Let me tell you some more about it.

I wrote the A Side on a train ride home from my last gig with the band Tellison, last October. I knew when I first played it to Sebastien it was gonna be a rocker. The B Side is a re-recording of the track 'Get A Drummer'. You've probably already heard a couple of versions of this song, both not quite doing it. Well this time it does do it, I can assure you. We're releasing this single on our own T-shirt Records label and have spent the past few weeks hand making/crafting/cutting/sewing/stapling 300 limited edition covers, for 300 limited edition 7" black vinyl records. Each set includes the record in it's unrepentantly kick ass sleeve, a booklet with the guitar tablature and lyrics to the A Side and one of 300 red Encyclopedia picks. Take a look at the slightly underwhelming picture below

Believe me, it's about 1000 times better than the picture gives it credit for. Inside the booklet you also get a code which scores you a free download of both tracks, plus a bonus track called 'Hello' recorded during the same sessions.

So you can pre-order one of these singles starting right now from our online store for £5 including UK postage, or alternatively, if vinyl isn't your thing, you could just pay a small amount to download a high quality file from our Bandcamp page. All pre-orders will be sent out by the release date and will receive free stickers and badges and things. Great news huh? Yes. Another way you could buy it would be to come to one of our shows and come speak to us. That'd be sweet. We'll see you then.

Ba

New Live Dates (that I failed to put in the live section)

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 22:34:46 +0100

So Encyclopedia have a world tour booked (or has a world tour booked? Not sure. Hate my life)

By world tour I mean a tour. By a tour I mean three gigs in a row, then a gap, then some more shows, then a gap and a couple more shows. But that’s pretty good right? I mean, I don’t see any tour dates on the Beatles Myspace. And I know what you're thinking, aren’t two of the members of the Beatles dead? Isn’t that the reason they aren’t touring?

Well this led me to investigate, because I was fairly sure all the Beatles were dead, but it turns out the two who are still alive just may as well be dead. So that cleared that up. NAAAA I’m just kidding! (I’m not kidding, Paul McCartney and Ringo Johnson may as well be dead)

But anywho, back to the reason I started typing on here in the first place, Encyclopedia are hitting the road in late July to play a bunch of rock shows and I realised anyone who uses this site wouldn’t actually know that. I would have put these dates on the live section but I have no idea how so deal with this.

We are playing:
22 Jul 2009     Three Sugar Loaves in Bristol
23 Jul 2009    The Railway Hotel in Southend
24 Jul 2009    The Hippo in Plymouth
27 Jul 2009    Boileroom w/Dave House in Guildford
30 Jul 2009    The George w/Mr Kamikaze in Petersfield
31 Jul 2009    Orange Box w/The Foxes in Yeovil

How good is that? Some of those shows are totally back-to-back. I might even wear a hat in Southend? Ill probably stink by Plymouth. Insane! But seriously, if you live in any of those places, you should definitely come and see us play. Come and say Hi and we may give you a free sticker or something.

Gotta go and make more covers for this single now so you’ve all got something to hold and cherish.

Peace
Nick

Delayed.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:27:13 +0100

Oops; the single 'Hilary' has been delayed due to unforeseen circumstances. It's definitely going to get released though and we're looking towards the 29th June 2009 instead of the original date of the 6th. Fingers crossed.

There's nothing to stop you listening to the track over and over at Bandcamp - which is where you'll be able to purchase a digital version of the track when the time is right. You can also listen to the track, along with other Encyclopedia 'classics', on thesixtyone.com. If you heart the track on there, Encyclopedia will heart you even more than they do already. Some people have already left the band lovely comments.

In gig news; there's some additional live dates been added to the MySpace Profile - namely Bristol, Southend, Petersfield, Yeovil, Wincanton and Manchester. We can't wait to see you beautiful people this summertime.

Nick Reviews: The Sign At His Place Of Work

Mon, 25 May 2009 00:32:47 +0100

“All Spirits and Liquers are sold in measures of 25ml or Muliples thereoff” [sic]

Ahh, the vaulting ambition of the writer.
“Oh Icarus, foolish Icarus. Fly not too near the sun, lest thy waxy wings should melt.”
…..Splendid.

This sign is printed in large font, on a piece of A4 paper that has been laminated to prevent damage from spills and stuck onto the wall at the back of the bar where I work for consumers to see. Heavy emphasis must be placed on the ‘for consumers to see’ part of that last sentence. That means actual human beings who stop at the bar to select a beverage can see this sign with their eyes, their very own eyes.

Now I am fully aware that I am not blessed with working in a town where the people who inhabit it would take offence to our language being publicly raped like this, but even so. I have to believe that someone, somewhere other than myself has read this and been like “Whoa! As far as signs go, that’s gotta’ be in the top 2 or 3 shittiest?” And lets be honest, this sign fucking sucks. Hard.

Maybe the worst part is it was written on Microsoft Word, which has an active spellchecker to highlight misspellings as they are typed. Therefore, surely rendering it impossible to type such a piss poor sentence and still think its ok?

Try typing flipsacking into Microsoft Word for example and you’ll find the spellchecker will highlight it as an error, and rightly so. (Even though we all know flipsacking is a technique used by skateboarders to ‘flip’ the deck of the skateboard into the underside of their scrotal sacks with the intention of ‘fwopping’ the testicles into their own anus.)

Or perhaps the worst part is that it’s laminated, meaning the person who wrote it, typed it into Microsoft Word, ignored the mass of red wiggly lines underneath the misspellings (highlighting the fact that they’re not even real words) made the font size huge and bold so it stood out, then, after all this, still decided the sentence was ok to print. (And now comes the worst part) Printed the sign and read it back, was still happy with the sentence…(I mean, come on!) Then laminated the paper, forever encapsulating the heinous errors in an unbreakable seal that even time itself could not breakdown nor hinder through lack of having the necessary biodegrading faculties to take out a thin layer of clear plastic.

I mean, that’s a hell of a lot of processes to get through and still not notice you’ve written “muliples thereoff.”…. Surely?

I’m not going to complain too much about the Liquers part. Even though it should probably be Liqueurs if were spelling it correctly, or Liquors if were selecting the right noun for the context of the sentence. But you know, Liquers, Liqueurs, Liquors, Lickers? All the same isn’t it?*

But all in all, this is a really shitty sign.

Nevermind I suppose. It could be worse.

Well, it couldn’t. But everyone needs something to believe otherwise we wouldn’t get up in the morning.

*it isn’t.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaJX52hP1OA&feature=related

Here is a flipsacking video for those still not in the know

Nick Reviews: The Magpie Riddle

Fri, 22 May 2009 02:59:19 +0100

Encyclopedia are well known for being highly established as one of the finest rock and roll outfits in the United Kingdom today. (Second only to the mighty Fightstar) But what a lot of people don’t know is that our lives are almost completely dictated by how many Magpies we see each day in relation to the old riddle:

One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for a girl
Four for a boy
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret that's never to be told
Eight is a wish
Nine is a kiss
Ten for a bird that's never to be missed

Its been well publicised that Adam once saw eight Magpies over the course of a day and wished he could be invisible. He then proceeded to take off his trousers and pants, run into a primary school and flail his genitals backward and forward, slapping them against his stomach and backside while shouting profanities. He was arrested and charged with causing life lasting damage to the young. And Seb once saw six Magpies in one day and was so convinced he was about to receive a whole lotta’ gold that he hired a JCB and filled the scoop with Polaroid photos he had taken of Crème Eggs balancing on kittens. (I don’t know how many of you have ever tried balancing a Crème Egg on kitten, but it’s freaking hard to do.)

Needless to say Adam didn’t get his wish, and Seb received no gold, but did get a massive credit card bill.

This leads me to question the Magpie riddle and possibly my own existence?

Magpies are much more common in the early weeks of summer because this is period after they have laid their eggs, raised their chicks…and then eaten them…and then eaten every other birds chicks…and then eaten the other birds. Then they go back to just chilling out and writing poetry. Few people realise that Magpies don’t lay eggs to create more magpies. They lay eggs because chicks are damn tasty. I know what you’re all thinking. “Nick, if Magpies eat all the chicks they make, how are there so many Magpies around?” Well let me tell you. Magpies don’t hatch from eggs like all other birds. Magpies are actually grown from seeds planted in the soil and germinate like a Courgette. When they are big enough and too heavy for the plant to hold they drop off…and eat the plant. BANG! You just got hit with a fact and you love it. Don’t believe me? Hit up Wikipedia. Wikipedia never lies. BANG! That was another fact.

So we’ve established that in the early weeks of summer we are much more likely to see Magpies because this is when they are writing their poetry, chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside of the school. This explains why most days I see one or two Magpies around and either get joy or sorrow according to the riddle. But my life appears to be unaffected regardless of how many Magpies I see. It contains no clarity, no obvious happiness or unhappiness. Just……..ness? This leads me to believe that the riddle is either a crock of shit or for the riddle to take effect you must witness the Magpies all together. I.e. Six for gold, you must see all six Magpies together chilling out as oppose to six separate Magpies throughout the course of a day. A pretty tough task if you ask me. I’ve never seen more than two Magpies at once. I won’t lie; I’ve never seen more than five birds together all at one time ever…in my entire life. I don’t think its possible.

So the only way this was going to be possible was to catch as many Magpies as I could and put them in a cage together and hope that maybe the riddle would finally come good. The results were not ideal. As I didn’t have a camera with me (because I don’t own a camera) I had to rely on my unbelievable artistic skills to portray what I witnessed. Simply mesmerising I’m sure you’ll agree.

As you can see I managed to capture six Magpies. A good haul I thought, six for gold and all that. I was all set to be a very rich man. Unfortunately as you can see, the Magpies didn’t really get along as I expected. There was no chilling, and certainly no writing of poetry. Instead they attacked one another. Pretty intensely as well. One of them was split in half, one lost a wing, another a foot. An awful lot of claret was spilt. Blood everywhere you looked. Only one survived, somehow it seems he got himself a top hat? Simply stunning creatures though, I’m sure you agree? Unfortunately one Magpie equals sorrow. So all my effort was really for nothing. I can see one Magpie everyday without having to capture five others and see them all die. Ah well, all in the name of science. Even Einstein took some hits before he worked out the theory of relativity. (He drove a car drunk into an old folks home in 1937. Explain that one genius)

Nick Reviews: Tammygirl1970 F/18

Wed, 20 May 2009 03:03:48 +0100

I pondered my options, got to play this right. I do want to meet up, and I am looking for some fun…TONIGHT. But I also don’t know who or what Eastleigh is, but I’m sure it’s far away or expensive, or even worse, both. And if it were a real place, did I want to move there just for Tammy? But then she was worth it. Tammy was different. She wasn’t like other girls I’d met on MSN (especially when I didn’t have MSN installed) I mean; her profile picture was her, on a bed, completely naked with all the goods on show. Guns a blazin’! Can’t ignore that. I had to make contact; she had to know how I truly felt.

But before I could reply to her message, the window cruelly closed and was replaced by Kate8607. Now Kate wasn’t nearly in the same league as Tammy, be it her intelligence or looks. Her approach was sloppy and contrived. Going straight for the sex card, expletives and all, and no sign of the goods in her photo. Just some rubbish portrait shot of her head.

For days and days I trawled the Internet in search of Tammygirl1970 F/18. Hoping and praying I might once more feel the warmth of her subtle, golden tongue, but alas to no avail. It seems the sheer number of ladies looking for some fun in Eastleigh…TONIGHT, was more than I could ever account for. I am still holding out hope that sometime soon Tammygirl1970 F/18 will find it in her heart to give me a second chance and message me again. But I’m not holding my breath.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0PEIMGgKH4&feature=related

Nick Reviews: Tammygirl1970 F/18

Wed, 20 May 2009 02:53:32 +0100

She has been the bane of my existence for the past week. Playing with my heartstrings, violating my soul and metaphorically Chinese burning what little belief in ever finding true love I have left in me. In the words of the late great folk/funk fusion musician Sting, who fronted the band ‘From here to there without a boat’ from 1977 until their demise in 1977,

Every breath I take,
And every move you make,
And every cake I bake, although always great,
Lacks fundamentals.

Never a truer word or even words spoken about the situation I find myself in, on almost a nightly basis.

Her name was Tammygirl1970 F/18. We met online one afternoon when I was browsing a selection of entertainment-based media at work. Mainly looking for videos of fat kids, preferably on bikes falling off things or launching off stuff. The usual.
She entered into conversation with me, unequivocal, with a savvy of how to sweep any man off his feet. (Even a man preoccupied by watching a fat kid on a bike launch off a dirt ramp.)

“Wanna meet up? I’m looking for some fun TONIGHT in Eastleigh.” She had obviously grabbed my attention. Firstly because the word tonight was all in capitals, meaning she was either shouting or she was emphasising the fact that I could really meet her tonight. But the lack of an exclamation mark led me to believe the latter.

Secondly, her message popped up on the bottom right of the computer screen in a MSN messenger mini window. The aforementioned computer, which belongs to my boss at work doesn’t even have MSN messenger on it! Now that’s powerful right there. That’s the sort of effort from a girl that makes me close all windows of fat kids on bikes and sit up and take notice. If only all girls could hack computers (like Tammy had obviously done) purely to grab my attention.

I pondered my options, got to play this right. I do want to meet up, and I am looking for some fun…TONIGHT. But I also don’t know who or what Eastleigh is, but I’m sure it’s far away or expensive, or even worse, both. And if it were a real place, did I want to move there just for Tammy? But then she was worth it. Tammy was different. She wasn’t like other girls I’d met on MSN (even when I didn’t have MSN installed) I mean; her profile picture was her, on a bed, completely naked with all the goods on show. Guns a blazin’! Can’t ignore that. I had to make contact; she had to know how I truly felt.

But before I could reply to her message, the window cruelly closed and was replaced by Kate8607. Now Kate wasn’t nearly in the same league as Tammy, be it her intelligence or looks. Her approach was sloppy and contrived. Going straight for the sex card, expletives and all, and no sign of the goods in her photo. Just some rubbish portrait shot of her head.

For days and days I trawled the Internet in search of Tammygirl1970 F/18. Hoping and praying I might once more feel the warmth of her subtle, golden tongue, but alas to no avail. It seems the sheer number of ladies looking for some fun in Eastleigh…TONIGHT, was more than I could ever account for. I am still holding out hope that sometime soon Tammygirl1970 F/18 will find it in her heart to give me a second chance and message me again. But I’m not holding my breath.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0PEIMGgKH4&feature=related