Noble Mother

Day 2: Creating a Marriage That Rocks

nobleMama — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 18:49:15 +0000

Okay, so we explored some big myths about marriage in my last post as I summarized the first chapter in Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Time to move into Chapter 2: How I Predict Divorce. Yeah, so Gottman actually believes he has developed a formula that helps him to determine whether a couple will make it or not make it.

The way he has developed this inside scoop is by observing couples and video-taping their arguments.

Gottman shares with us the troublesome signs that show up when couples argue. Arguing and having disagreements isn’t the reason couples divorce. Essentially, if you can steer clear of these troublesome signs when you interact with your spouse, you have a good chance of seeing this marriage gig through!

THE FIRST SIGN: HARSH START-UP

When a conversation between partners begins negatively, Gottman refers to this as a “harsh start-up.” Often these conversation starters are loaded with criticism…

“I can’t believe you suggested this restaurant; it’s noisy and way too expensive.”
“We don’t need a television screen as big as our bed. What were you thinking?”
“I told you to get the kind of cat litter that clumps; this won’t work!”

Or they are riddled with sarcasm…

“Nice one – did you cut our son’s hair blindfolded?”
“So courteous of you to call; I just love entertaining your parents for an hour.”
“Yeah, you’re a genius alright – now we have to make two trips instead of one.”

When you start off a conversation (or a fight) with the criticism or with the sarcasm, it’s tough for the dialogue to go anywhere but down. Gottman’s research showed that even when a partner tried to revive this harsh start-up conversation it wasn’t possible – 96 percent of the time the outcome of the conversation was predicted by the way the couple started it off.

So, if you find that this is your style, you may want to lighten up and find a better, more positive way to start things off.

In my next post I’ll share with you the SECOND SIGN: THE FOUR HORSEMAN.

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Day 2: Creating a Marriage That Rocks

Day 1: Creating A Marriage That Rocks

nobleMama — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 11:00:09 +0000

Gottman says he can tell if a couple will divorce in just a few minutes of listening to them interact! It isn’t that he is basing his prediction on what he thinks marriage should look like, but rather on years of research on what troublesome signs continually result in the demise of a marriage.

When my husband and I read this it intrigued us. We had only been married a year or so when we felt that our communication was not what we wanted it to be and we were looking for ways we could speak to one another without wanting to pull our hair out or leave the room!

My husband’s communication style is linear, whereas, I look at my own as circular and meandering and open-ended. I love to process out loud and he loves discernment. It felt like a recipe for disaster.

In Chapter One of Gottman’s book, he shares that his unique approach to marriage has helped in develop the “Seven Principles that will prevent a marriage from breaking up.”

Strangely, it seems it’s the one we feel most comfortable, most at-ease with that we also treat, at times, with the most disrespect. As the days and months tick by it can feel like work to start the morning with a smile and an encouraging word. And yet, Gottman’s research has proven that it is something as simple as this that can actually create a happy marriage. Gottman has seen that the couples who consistently keep negative thoughts to a minimum and increase their positive feelings and beliefs about their partner, that these couples will be able to withstand the ebb and flow of family life.

A toxic marriage is a draining marriage. When you are mostly annoyed, irritated, and exhausted by your partner, you actually affect your emotional, spiritual, and physical health. It is because of this psychological overwhelm that many couples just give up. After they’ve divorced and regained some of their overall well-being back, they sometimes see how they took their partner for granted. I thought it was interesting that happy couples take better care of themselves. It isn’t surprising that a couple with many physical or psychological health challenges may have more troublesome signs in their marriage.

Kids who live with parents who have unhealthy marriages have shown to have elevated levels of stress hormones stored in their bodies. Researchers don’t know what affect this will have on them over time.

Gottman states, “A peaceful divorce is better than a warlike marriage.”

So, like me, you may have thought that if you just communicated better, your marriage would be fine. Gottman challenges this typical therapist approach. Isn’t it true that most marriage therapists would tell us to apply active listening skills and true magic will take place? Gottman says that the research is proving that couples who use communication tools don’t prevent divorce if that’s the only tool they’ve employed. Essentially, active listening is a great skill for therapists to use with their patients, but isn’t a sustainable tool for a married couple.

“Successful conflict resolution isn’t what makes marriages succeed.” ~ Gottman

In this chapter, Gottman also points out some other myths about what makes a good marriage. It makes sense to me that individuals with personality quirks and crazy buttons wouldn’t be great marriage partners, and yet, many people would point right at our marriage and say – “You’re married to someone pretty quirky and you’re making it work.” Yep, Gottman believes that isn’t necessary for only normal people to marry. It’s about two freaks finding each other and meshing well enough to make it work.

Other surprising myths…

- Common interests keep you together

- Tit for Tat – the idea that if he rubs your back, you’ll rub his

- Avoiding conflict

- An affair

- Men just aren’t biologically built for marriage

- Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

All of the above, Gottman states as myths. That their research has proven that couples can still have a loving, respectful, happy marriage despite the above beliefs or situations.

This chapter just got more intriguing as Gottman shares that the more he studied the anatomy of happy marriages, the more he discovered that there were 7 key principles that showed up consistently for those lasting unions; couples who ended it always came up short.

So what is at the core of creating this happy marriage??

Well, if you share mutual respect and enjoy the company of your spouse, this is a good sign. Knowing your partner inside and out – what he or she likes or can’t stand, their hopes, dreams, and their freaky personality quirks. You show how you feel about each other in small, daily ways.

Understanding these signs of a happy couple, I began to analyze my own marriage. My spouse and I have very little in common but we do respect one another and enjoy the times we spend together. It’s hard to believe we’ve known one another for 12 years and although I know so much about him, I am always interested in getting to know him more and more. No doubt I’ve accepted every freaky quirk about him!

Another interesting point he makes about the secret weapons of happily married folk is in how they respond to the other’s attempt to make-up. If you and your partner are arguing or one has done something hurtful to the other and there’s an attempt for repair and that repair attempt is rejected, things are not good. If, on the other hand, your spouse accepts your repair, it is much more likely that you will prevent marital scars.

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Day 1: Creating A Marriage That Rocks

What Does it Look Like to Have a Marriage That Rocks?

nobleMama — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 03:23:05 +0000

After spending a heavenly evening and morning at a beautiful hotel downtown Chapel Hill this past weekend with my spouse of 12 years, I’ve decided to start a post series: 12 Days to Create a Marriage That Rocks. As busy, overwhelmed moms of young children it’s easy to fall into putting your children above the relationship you have with your spouse.

When you’ve been up all night with a teething or scared little one, it can be difficult to muster any amount of passion or interest in that dude you so enthusiastically married.

One of my favorite books about creating a happy marriage is by John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I love Gottman’s work about developing emotionally intelligent children and it only makes sense that he would also have helpful tips on creating an emotionally intelligent marriage.

So, I’ll be writing 12 posts based on each chapter in Gottman’s book to give you some helpful ways to bring a strong connection with your spouse. For me, having a supportive, loving marriage has made it possible for me to create the kind of life and home I’ve always wanted. I hope others can have the same.

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear how you keep the love burning between you and your honey! Any special, creative dates or sweet daily rituals you have developed that are appropriate to share? Leave your comments!

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What Does it Look Like to Have a Marriage That Rocks?

Wordless Wednesday: Slow Summer Days

nobleMama — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 11:00:37 +0000

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Wordless Wednesday: Slow Summer Days

Help Your Baby De-Stress…

nobleMama — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 01:00:16 +0000

I so often see parents tense up and feel uncomfortable when their babies start to cry. Then I witness parents start, (sometimes frantically), bouncing, jiggling, rocking, looking for the pacifier or otherwise trying to stop their babies’ crying.

I would like to hold out a much healthier solution and perspective to crying. Let your babies cry! Really! Crying is good and healthy! Crying is an amazing and wonderful emotional expression that should be embraced without judgment and supported without stifling. I’m not talking about the “crying-it-out” approach which entails leaving your baby in another room by herself, not picking her up, and not responding to her cries or ignoring your baby completely when she cries. That approach can lead to your baby feeling insecure and powerless which will lead to a disconnected parent-child relationship.

I’m talking about the “crying in-arms” approach with aware responding and aware attention.

Here is how it works…

Babies cry for two reasons:

1. Communication: Your baby needs something like holding, food, or a diaper change.

2. Healing: Your baby has been hurt either physically or emotionally.

When your baby starts to cry, it is of the utmost importance to respond promptly which entails picking your baby up immediately if you are not already wearing your baby in a sling or baby carrier. Lack of responsiveness, especially if repeated, can be damaging to your babies’ emotional health. If your baby is left to cry alone, often your baby may begin to feel unsafe in her environment and this creates a lack of trust in you as her parent. This may also lead to anxiety as your baby gets older. So, it really is so important to compassionately and quickly respond to your baby’s cry.

Then figure out why she is crying. If her immediate needs have been fulfilled, (i.e. hunger, thirst, diaper change, and no physical pain or medical issues), then you can assume she is crying to heal some sort of stress; yes, babies absolutely feel stress. She is crying as an emotional release so it is important to let her stay with this beautiful processing without stopping it by some conventional means such as bouncing, jiggling, rocking, shushing or using a pacifier. Take a deep cleansing breath to help relax your tensions and then gently hold her in your arms, away from your body and let her cry. Always lovingly and compassionately looking in her eyes and staying connected visually. Your baby will close her eyes periodically and turn her head away from you, but will always check back in to see if you are paying attention and you need to be looking at her with calm, loving, non-judgmental support. This process not only allows her to heal any stresses in her body and spirit but also deepens your bonding with her by deepening her trust in you. You can also periodically say “I hear you.”

There are many advantages to this approach. Here are just a few:

• You help your baby heal any trauma that could have lifelong affects.

• You support your baby releasing any daily stresses the can accumulate in their being.

• Your baby will be more relaxed and less fussy and whinny.

• Your baby will be less demanding and have a longer attention span.

• Your baby will fall asleep more peacefully without coaxing or “sleep training”.

• Your baby will sleep better and more deeply through the night

• You will get better sleep.

• This approach will enhance your emotional connection with your baby and deepen your bonding.

Babies love to cry to release stress and tensions because it feels so good to them. Just like it does with adults. We feel better after a good cry and when we are in the process of crying we would not appreciate someone else (especially if they were much larger than us) telling us we had to stop or putting something in our mouths to stop us. Babies are the same.

I invite you to try this approach. You will be amazed witnessing the transformation in your baby as she moves from a place of being “fussy” and “demanding” to being more alert, centered. and happier after an “in-arms” cry.

I’m going to leave you with this interesting quote by Charles Darwin from 1872:

“The secretion of tears serves as a relief to suffering. And by as much as the weeping is more violent or hysterical, by so much will the relief be greater…”

In peace,

Wendy

Welcome Guest Blogger, Wendy Mann, a single mama of an amazing twelve year old daughter. Wendy is a Certified Aware Parenting Instructor, Emotional Release Guide and Parent-Infant Bonding Specialist. She is deeply impassioned about motherhood and supporting transformation in babies and young children, parent-child relationships, and ultimately the world. You can reach her at wlm1998@gmail.com

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Help Your Baby De-Stress…

Too Many Choices Create Mini Tyrants

nobleMama — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 03:30:54 +0000

I’m working this summer from home in the mornings and I did feel so organized and blessed to have a mother’s helper until her schedule changed and I had to come up with Plan B. Plan B is shaky and interesting. It involves my 7 year old keeping my 4 year old busy with crafts and stories and snacks! Today was day one of Plan B.

My daughter was wonderful. She had stories planned, a lovely art activity, … She felt secure in creating her own rhythm for her brother. Unfortunately, the rhythm didn’t feel secure enough for my 4 year old and I could tell that he was overwhelmed by choices and the feeling that I was unavailable, despite my physical presence in the same room.

It’s so common for parents to believe that we are respecting our young children by providing them with choices and freedom and decision-making, when, in fact, the power we are bestowing upon them is such a burden to them, can be the reason for tantrums and defiance, and ultimately, if continued over time, can develop a little one into the family bully or tyrant.

Developmentally, young children under age 7 need us to be the benevolent Kings and Queens of the home. We provide structure and predictability and a solid knowing of what will happen next. It is clear that my little boy needs Plan B to have more structure, more emotional availability from me to him. So tomorrow I will be guiding them both through the morning. “You may have outdoor play for a little while on the trampoline and then it will be time for some drawing inside.” A little structure and guidance will open a window for him to feel more creative later in the morning when he might get bored, and as in those brilliant boredom moments of the past, create a game by himself or with his sister.

I think more parents in our generation believe that our children should have choices throughout the day - about what they want to do and where they want to go. There are times when a small choice is appropriate. However, developmentally, it provides greater security and more cooperation in the child when parents take the lead, act confidently, have clear boundaries, make requests and ensure their child follows-through.

It is so tempting to allow our little ones, with their emotions and their tantrums, to make decisions. It’s amazing how bossy a 4 year old can become and how easily we can let ourselves give into their demands, if we aren’t careful. You must teach a child how you want to be treated. Parent out of knowing what is right, not out of fear of your child’s tantrums.

Just yesterday my daughter was frustrated with her brother and hit him. He said nothing and ran to me, “She hit me!” I told him, “Don’t ever let anyone hit you. Go back to her and tell her, “You may not ever hit me.”"

When my 4 year old gets frustrated with me and starts to yell, “I want to go now!” I recognize that it is my job to teach him how I want to be treated. “You may not yell at me. We don’t talk to each other like that in our family.”

Are you giving your little one too many choices?

Are you teaching him or her how to treat you and others?

Effective benevolent Kings and Queens do not allow their princes and princesses to rule the kingdom. Developmentally, our princes and princesses are happier when we confidently and wisely take the lead.

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Too Many Choices Create Mini Tyrants

Oprah May Be Calling You, Mama…

nobleMama — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:14:27 +0000

So, here I am in New Hampshire having a wonderful experience at the Simplicity Parenting Coach Training when I peek at my email messages and find a message from a Harpo Casting Director asking me if I can help her find couples from my on-line community who may want to be counseled by Dr. Laura Berman, a therapist frequently featured on Oprah.

Talk about surprised! So, mamas – if you happen to be from the Chicago or New York area and would like to reconnect with your husband, you may be interested in the following opportunity…

***

Are you struggling with your sex life or relationship?

Dr. Laura Berman, a world-renowned Sex & Relationship Expert, has a brand new show on OWN…and she’s here to help you!

Have you lost the spark in your relationship?

Is intimacy – or lack thereof – a source of conflict between you and your partner?

Are you desperate to reconnect but don’t know where to turn, or don’t have the resources to get the information you need?

Dr. Laura Berman can help!!!

You’ve seen her segments on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and “The Dr. Oz Show” and heard her great advice on “Oprah Radio” but now Dr. Berman has a brand new TV show, In The Bedroom With Dr. Laura Berman, fully dedicated to helping couples achieve greater intimacy and connection, not to mention better sex!

Dr. Berman understands the juggling act you go through every day and the significance of keeping your sex life a top priority. If you’re struggling with your intimacy, want a better relationship and long for a more fulfilling sex life, Dr. Berman is here to shed some light. Let Dr. Berman show you how to get exactly what you want and need in the bedroom and beyond!

If you live in the Chicago or New York City areas and you want Dr. Berman’s advice, contact us today! Please be sure to include a description of your family and the issues you’re dealing with, along with a recent photo. Couples need not be married but must be committed to making a change and be willing to appear and discuss their private lives on Television, if selected.

We look forward to hearing from YOU!

HarpoCasting.Danielle@gmail.com

https://www.oprah.com/ownshow/plug_form.html?plug_id=4301679

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Oprah May Be Calling You, Mama…

Boys Really Are Different

nobleMama — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:08:18 +0000

I’ve been wanting to read Janet Allison’s new book, Boys Alive!: Bring Out Their Best!, for months. Thankfully I got my chance during my journey to New Hampshire and I couldn’t wait to share with you some of the gems from it.

Janet created this book in a coaching style so it really allows you to reflect on your boy through journaling. If you’re struggling with your relationship, or with his behavior, there’s space for you to think more deeply about each.

I love that Janet reminds us that we can’t change our behavior without knowing what we want and how we ultimately envision the home or school life that we want for ourselves and our children. You always need a map or at least a GPS to help get you to your destination!

Some of the amazing gems in this book that will help me communicate more effectively with both my husband and my little boy that will be helpful to you as well…

Eye contact can trigger a flight or fight response in males. We talked about this actually at my Simplicity Parenting training in Seattle. Kim Payne explained that we should encourage the women in our groups to consult with their husbands while taking a walk or sitting side-by-side on the couch.
Use less words. This is such a powerful reminder, especially to us as mothers. We tend to over-explain and describe EVERYTHING in too much detail. Keep it brief and clear.
Speaking with authority without anger is the goal. Janet has some great exercises in the book to help us learn this skill.
Eliminate or decrease screen time. I learned so much from Janet explaining that our boys’ brains are very delicate. We need to treat our boys’ brains as delicately as we, at times, treat girls physically. Screens cause unbelievable havoc on the boy brain, neurologically.
This was my favorite nugget of wisdom…males have a daily testosterone cycle! In the morning they experience a surge of testosterone and they are more likely to be more “aggressive, ambitious and determined, with a feeling of confidence and a competitive edge.” In the afternoon they are “more agreeable to suggestions, less aggressive and less defensive.” And in the evening it rises again but lowers around 8pm. “Oxytocin, the ‘tend and befriend’ hormone, rises and men are more likely to talk about feelings and resolve conflicts…”
Boys express themselves in physical ways and this can be particularly alarming as a mom because physical aggression makes us feel uncomfortable. You can help your little boy by giving him words to express how he feels, “Wow! You love your little brother you just want to squeeze him tight. But look! Squeezing that tight doesn’t feel good to baby Sam. He really loves it when you kiss his hand gently like this.”
It’s so easy for us to communicate with our boys like they are girls – in too much detail and ask too many questions about their feelings. Instead of saying, “how do you feel about that,” we want to ask, “what do you think about that.” Our boys need us to speak with authority, with clear rules, and to consistently follow-through when they are not listening.
When we yell and act aggressively toward our boy, it only releases more cortisol into their bloodstream which increase their stress and more testosterone! Yeah, so they then become more likely to become even more challenging and aggressive.
Guess what? This was mind-blowing and incredibly helpful, Janet…moms, boys “naturally have less oxytocin, which makes them slower to respond to others with empathy. They are also less likely to see how their behavior impacts their relationship with others.” So, you need to say, “Being rough with your baby sister makes her sad and she cries. If you want her to smile and laugh you could stand here and show her this toy she likes to look at, but you have stand back and do it so you can see her face and she can see you.”

I can’t say enough about what a helpful guide this book is for all parents, but particularly for mothers – we will have a lot more success with our boys if we know how to connect with them, understand why they do what they do.

Janet convinced me too that I need to buy Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different – and how to help them become happy and well-balanced men by Steve Biddulph.

It is so supportive to have information like this explained in simple terms so that parents can implement effective ways to handle the challenges they are experiencing and have the confidence to explain what they’re doing to those around them who may not know that consistent, loving, and firm teaching is the best method of discipline.

Thanks Janet Allison for this wonderful workbook for parents of boys!

You can also listen to the podcast of Janet and I discussing her work at

Raising Boys Podcast on Inside Out Mama Blog Talk Radio

Stay tuned! There will, obviously, be another podcast with Janet scheduled soon.

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Boys Really Are Different

Raising Children & Sharing Your Gifts With the World? A Lot Depends on Who You Married

nobleMama — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:05:28 +0000

Finding our way as mothers is no easy task. The past 7.5 years have been such a journey of discovery for me. In hindsight I would focus solely on my babies without the distraction of also pursuing my passions. Babies and toddlers just don’t stay babies and toddlers forever and creating the family nest for everyone takes energy and time.

I’m grateful that my outside passions didn’t lead me outside of the home, but I do feel compassion for myself as I see how much I struggled in trying to do too much while mothering little ones.

It feels like I’m coming out of a dark haze now with a 4 and 7.5 year old. A dark haze of early motherhood. I’m emerging into a new phase in my own development as they are in theirs. We’ve found community through their school, I’ve found a space in the world to express my deepest passion in supporting families in the work of home life through simplicity parenting, and my husband and I have discovered a beautiful parenting harmony.

In one of my previous posts I was sharing with you my stream of consciousness around how to make it all work and what will I tell my own daughter about motherhood. As things have developed, it is becoming more and more evident that the partner one chooses is critical to the full development of both partners.

Despite my husband’s background of an overwhelmed single mom and barely-there dad, he has an incredible desire to be present with our kids and is a true helpmate to me. While we both appreciate our parenting strengths – I have a gentle, patient, nurturing flexibility in balance with his assertive, self-disciplined, cooperative confidence – there’s a foundational understanding that the realm of the home and parenting are primarily mine. For us, this has been the key to harmony. It doesn’t mean we don’t consult or agree together on things, but there is a generous and trusting spirit that allows me the opportunity to design the family culture with his incredible support and acceptance. The tone of the home, the rhythms, and the celebrations – these responsibilities are my world.

I think his trusting acceptance that the home and children are more of my realm comes from his confidence and belief in his own gifts, skills, and passions that secure his identity. No doubt it helps that we share a common spiritual faith, but in the past 11 years a deep trust of the other has developed as well.

What will I ultimately share with my daughter about motherhood?

Choose a partner for life, wisely.
Find a man whose life decisions exhibit strength of character.
Talk about family life before you get married.

Feminism shouldn’t be about becoming the same as men. It should be about the freedom for both men and women to acknowledge the importance of nurturing children in support of one another in fulfilling our individual work in the world.

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Raising Children & Sharing Your Gifts With the World? A Lot Depends on Who You Married

How to Handle the Tears & Tantrums Without a Mommy Meltdown

nobleMama — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:48:44 +0000

It’s hot here in North Carolina and my 4 year old has been wearing his flannel pajamas. It was timely to get some summer pajamas on sale. He picked out a short and t-shirt set with sharks on it. It was one of the bright spots in his day; there was a lot going on for him emotionally – may be due to lack of sleep or a build up of stress. Little things were setting him off into tears.

I share a lot of assistance to mamas about yelling, anger, and generally “losing it” because I speak from experience. Tears and tantrums are a hot button for me and I have to be intentional to respond calmly. I’m a mama who likes to feel I’m in control of things – including my children’s emotions. Intellectually I understand that children are not mature emotionally and that they express their stress through tears.

In the past few weeks I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Naomi Aldort’s book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. She has a wonderful technique she calls S.A.L.V.E. that help a parent like myself respond effectively to my emotional child.

At bedtime my little guy was psyched to get into his new summer jammies. After his bath he dried off and we pulled up the shorts – but they fell down to his ankles as soon as I let them go around his waist. Uh – Oh. I peeked at the size and instead of a “4″ I see “7.” Not a good thing with a little guy on the edge.

I explained to him that we had gotten the wrong size, knowing that this would send him into tears and upset. I tried to share with him that we would exchange the clothes the next day – but you know how ridiculous that sounds to a 4 year old! So, I practiced Naomi’s S.A.L.V.E. instead as I had all day – it is amazing and wonderful.

S – Separate yourself from your child’s behavior and emotions with a Silent Self-talk.

My mind immediately was wanting to put words in my mouth and instead of saying the words, I thought them, allowed them and then recognized them as unhelpful and threw them out as rubbish. I was thinking, “oh no, here we go again. He’s being so unreasonable. How am I going to get him to just move on? I’m so done today.”

A – Attention on your child. When you have silently investigated the conversation inside your head, shift your attention from yourself and your inner monologue to your child.

I looked at my little boy who was so crushed. I held him while he cried.

L – Listen to what your child is saying or to what his actions may be indicating; then listen some more.

We looked at one another and he said, “I want to wear my new jammies!” He said this a few times and I nodded my head and stayed close.

V – Validate your child’s feelings and the needs he expresses without dramatizing and without adding your own perception.

“You wanted to wear your new summer jammies and mommy got the wrong size and now you can’t wear them tonight.” I said this same thing several times in different ways, letting him know that I understood. He cried harder when he realized I understood and, in a way, giving him permission to be upset. But the tears began to subside and within just a few minutes he was calm.

E - Empower your child to resolve his own upset by getting out of his way and trusting him.

In this situation, it was best to pull out a t-shirt and some light pants as a replacement for the night. He was calm while he got dressed and said, “mom, can we get the new jammies afterschool tomorrow?” “Yep, I think that will work, buddy.”

The entire jammie scene was about 3-5 minutes. In the past, it may have been a lot worse as I may have tried to reason with him and tell him that I can’t get the jammies right this minute, blah, blah, blah. He didn’t want reason; he just wanted to be allowed to be disappointed and upset that he couldn’t wear them tonight. That’s life and it’s okay to have strong feelings – especially when we have the unconditional love of a parent to be there to support us through it.

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How to Handle the Tears & Tantrums Without a Mommy Meltdown