Wednesday I turned 34. I laugh when I look at this picture below and think this is me at 34 with my “sensible shoes” and my wheely-scrapper-tote. The best part about this picture, besides the fact that I was comfortable this year at CHA, is that the older I am, the more I am myself, and I don’t care (as much) what others think. I love that about getting older.

On Saturday night, about 10 of us went to Disneyland for a half day. It was fun and weird at the same time. Fun in that all of us are moms now, and it was fun to do Disney without kids. Weird because we didn’t have our kids with us. Saturday night in Anaheim was beautiful weather! It was maybe too nice, because I think the locals were out in full force.

My friend Tauni had her birthday on Saturday, so we celebrated her day with Mickey sprinkles at the Blue Bayou!

Even though the lines were bad, we didn’t mind because we just chatted the time away not worrying about anyone but ourselves (that part was nice).

In this photo: Mique, Steph, Jen, Marie, Me, Heather, Lara, Heather, Tauni

CHA this year was fun. There is always so much to see, that you really need at least two full days there. I took a bunch of photos that I’m excited to share with you on Monday of all the great and beautiful things made of paper. I loved seeing Liz Kartchner’s new line and little booth with American Crafts and Cathie Fillian’s adorable necklace that was a fun make-and-take.

I loved getting to meet my friend Carissa who’s also on the Lifestyle Crafts Design Team. She always shares great How-To videos that walk you through her step by step process.

A highlight for me was getting to meet Ali Edwards. I have read Ali’s blog since I first started reading blogs..craft blogs, and I loved finally meeting her.

And lastly…my bloggy bestie Marie was signing her new book Make and Takes for kids at the show! It was fun to see her signing away.

I’m so thankful Kyle made this trip happen for me. He basically just booked my flight and told me I was going (I love him.). He took care of everything while I was gone. He’s such a good guy and I’m lucky to have him. Even for a quick trip, it’s good to be home.

I’m excited to share a bunch more crafty inspiration from the show on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Wow…it’s more work than I thought! But now that I’m a month into it, I feel I have more of a system, and I love that I’m documenting the little everyday stuff of our family. Even though I’m a bit behind in sharing our album weeks here, I’m currently caught up with the book, but I wanted to give myself a little leeway in case I get behind in the future. One thing I am loving is the hand written journal cards of this process. I actually got a hand cramp from writing the other day (when was the last time you got a hand cramp from writing?! Ha!). Old School!

Here is our title page: mostly pictures. Our little peg family and our whole family and then us individually. I also included the free download calendar from the Snap blog, along with some washi tape from American Crafts.

Highlights from January Week One:

-taking my brother up to Afton’s grave (he was in Texas when she passed, and it was special to take him there)
-Baby Lennon’s Luau 1st birthday party
-lunch with Brittany of Love Stitched
-Aiden’s first day in Primary at church
-using the juicer to clean out the fridge
-paper crafting for Valentine’s Day
-fancy hairdos at Activity Days for Avery
-it finally snowed! …barely.
-Aiden and the Walmart greeter

Funny story: Aiden was acting up at “the walmarts” and the Walmart greeter asked if she could give him a hug. I said “sure” hoping that an outside source could help me gain control. She hugged him for a long time. It was a bit awkward. I started to laugh and even managed to snap a picture. It was funny and awkward, but it worked.

*I’m using the Clementine kit from Becky Higgins Project Life along with the Design A page protectors.

Do you do project life? What are you doing to record life?

Here is the giveaway: One lucky reader will receive this package in the mail full of all this fun craft stuff valued at over $120.

The giveaway will include:

- the book Weekend Handmade by Kelly Wilkinson
- the Martha Stewart Crafts Knit and Weave Loom
- the Xyron Sticker Maker
- two Spellbinders nesting die sets: Scalloped Circles & Fancy Rectangles
- a pack of Elmer’s Painters

Weekend Handmade is the new book by Kelly Wilkinson. Kelly blogs at Make Grow Gather, and I had the opportunity of meeting Kelly at the Michaels Crafts blogger event this summer. Her new book is packed with beautiful images and 40 DIY projects that are all doable over a single weekend. I highly recommend it!

The Martha Stewart Crafts knit and weave loom, is one of the newest craft tools from Martha Stewart Crafts (doesn’t it make you want to get your “hot pad” making skills on?! ).

If you have kids at home, they will go crazy over this little sticker maker by Xyron. They will want to turn everything into a sticker!

These spellbinders dies are perfect if you are into paper crafts. I love these types of nesting dies. There are fancy rectangles and scallop circles.

Elmer’s painter markers make giant poster making a snap!

Lots of fun stuff, eh?! Is there something here that you are eyeing?

If you would like to enter to win, simply leave a comment below telling me
what one thing you want the most in this giveaway. The winner of this giveaway will be chosen via Random.org and announced on this post, so be sure to check back.

Get Three Bonus Entries: {completely optional}

- Follow NoBiggie on Pinterest
- Like NoBiggie on Facebook
- Share this giveaway on Facebook, making sure to tag the NoBiggie Facebook page (only valid if your post shows up on the NoBiggie Facebook page).

**Be sure to let me know what bonus entries you did in a separate comment for each one.

Giveaway ends this Sunday, February 5th at 10 PM.

*Thanks to the nice people at Michaels for donating a few of the fun items you see here.

I have a few things to share:

- I’m running a sale on the heart shaped NoBiggie Bubbles in time for Valentine’s Day. Normally they are $20 and now they are 2 for 20. I have finished and unfinished ones. The unfinished ones are fun too! DecoArt makes a bubblegum pink chalkboard paint that would be fun for Valentine’s Day. Or you could paint them whatever colors you’d like!

Pin It

- I’m now blogging twice a week on Momformation. You can find me posting over there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yesterday I declared my love for Christmas clearance.

- I’m going to CHA this weekend! It was a very last minute decision, and I’m so excited. I went to CHA last year and loved it! This year it’s in Anaheim CA, and I think a few of us are going to try to sneak in a quick trip to “the happy place”…without kids. What?! It will be like a whole new world being at Disneyland without kids, I don’t think we will know what to do with ourselves. I will return with a full report including all things paper crafts.

- I made these honey lime enchiladas this month, and they were a hit! My family loved them!

- My friend Carina wrote a post about Raisins…she cracks me up!

-I’ve been working on my project life album, and I’m loving it. Mostly I love that my kids love it. They love to see all the pictures in the book. I will start sharing the pages next week.

-I am dying over this frosting trick! Genius! You must watch the video. I found it via Amy (thanks Amy!)

Cheri was on Martha! So very cool! That would be like a dream come true for me.

-Just started a Google Plus page. Not really sure what I’m doing yet. Are you on Google Plus? Do you like it? What do you like about it? Or do you view it as just one more place to be?

1. Valentine’s Day Shadow Box: This project came about when I found this cool shadow box at the thrift store and I was looking for something fun to fill it with. I first covered the front of the glass with these cute love birds (vinyl) from my friend Shelley’s shop: House of Smith’s Design. She has lots of fun designs…so hop on over!

On the inside of the shadow box, I filled it with the nesting doily hearts… all white plus one hot pink. I later took the #14 off as I think it looks better without it. Plus people were saying “What’s the 14 for?” (Feb. 14th of course!) Aren’t shadow boxes cool?! a thrift store score for sure!

2. Rosette Heart Box: With the new rosette die, it makes rosette making so easy! I have a few of these natural brown jewelry boxes, and this heart, eyelet heart and arrow help make it a fun gift topper. Along with a little red and white baker’s twine (of course).

3. Heart Doily card- This card is pretty simple, but the heart doily die makes it fun. Along with a little Washi tape and a simple clear stamp via Martha Stewart crafts (a few years back).

4. Broken Heart card – My favorite thing about this little broken heart card is that the gold arrow fits perfectly on top of the clothes pin. Just think of all the possibilities with all these little arrows!

5. Fresh Donut Bakery Box – I love this little bakery box with a doughnut on it, even if you can only fit one donut hole inside. (funny!) Your friend on a diet might appreciate the kind gesture.

*To get 20% off all these Lifestyle Crafts products, don’t forget to use the code: NOBIGGIE at checkout .

PS. I’m sharing one more project with this release on Momfo today…and it involves Diet Coke. I’m asking you to fill in the blank: I love you more than___________. Mine is diet coke (as of late) what’s yours?!

So hop on over to the Valentine’s page, and take a peek into the {love}ly archives.

This giant chalkboard came about when I started selling the mini speech bubble chalkboards. We had two big (8ft x 4ft) uncut MDF boards in our garage just waiting to be cut if they were needed, and I decided to paint one of them with black chalkboard paint. The other one I painted to look like a giant piece of lined paper…you can see it used here at Aiden’s Train birthday party this last summer.

We keep both of these giant boards in the garage most all the time, but it has been fun to use them when we can. So far the giant chalkboard has been used for a Halloween treat table, our Christmas card for 2011 and now for a birthday. I’ve always loved the idea of having a giant chalkboard wall in our home, so for now, this works for that only better, because it’s mobile!

The idea for the chalkboard graffiti came about from when I attended Spark #2 in September of 2010. They had graffiti all over the outside of the building, and I loved it!

So next time you are at Home Depot or Lowes, pick up a giant MDF board and turn it into a giant chalkboard, you’ll be surprised at how many different ways you’ll use it. …and while you’re at it, don’t forget to pick up a bunch of sidewalk chalk.

*Thank you to so many of you who commented yesterday with support to my letter to Afton. It’s really hard to know what to share in this space, I have debated on what to share and what not to share. Although I won’t always be so personal on this blog, I’m thankful to those who understand that even if I keep this blog going with DIY projects, recipes and crafts like I have for the last few years, also understand that it doesn’t mean that I am completely back to normal as I make my way through losing Afton. …and that it’s normal to not be back to normal.

This blog will always be a reflection of where I am in my life, and to move forward not talking about her wouldn’t be true to where I’m at right now.

My sweet little Afton,

I hope you can feel my love for you everyday. I pray that you are safe and happy everyday, and that we can feel your spirit often. Losing you has changed me. It’s like a piece of me is missing…and it’s you. Missing you is like having a home sick feeling that I know will never go away, and I just have to learn to live with it.

I know they say that this life is like a blink of the eye when we view it with an eternal perspective, but it’s so incredibly hard to see it that way when I’m here in the middle of it. It’s so hard to think that I should still be pregnant with you, my sweet baby girl.

One of the hardest realities to accept is to see that little picture of you – my favorite one of you in your pretty white dress without all the tubes and cords…the one I have framed on my dresser – and know that I will grow to be an old woman (however old) looking at that same unchanged picture of you, still missing you after so many years. It’s very overwhelming to think of that reality as I sit here at the 2-month mark. Although you might be stuck in time in the pictures we have of you here, I know your beautiful spirit is growing and changing.

Thinking back on my pregnancy with you, knowing what I know now, I wish I would have celebrated and cherished everyday of it knowing that was all the time I would have with you here. I loved waking up in the morning and feeling you move to that little lump high up on my belly.

The other night I was getting your big brother out of the bath. He asked me to wrap him up in the towel and sing “Baby Mine” to him like I always do. I started to sing to him, and then I started to cry as I thought of you, and how I’ll never get to wrap you up in a towel after a bath. It was the sweetest thing…your big brother started to cry with me (which only made me cry more). He is the sweetest little boy, with such a tender heart. It was the first time I have felt that he too misses you.

One of my favorite quotes shared with me through losing you:

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” – Hilary Stanton Zunin

I need to remind myself that you didn’t come here to break me or to break my heart, you came here for just the opposite. You came here to bring us love and joy. No matter how painful losing you is, the gift of your life and loving you will always be bigger than the loss. I need to remember that.

I love you forever,

love your mom

*this photo was taken of me right before I got to hold my sweet baby girl for the first… and last time. We buried her with that soft little white blanket.

* During this year, I hope to write a letter after the 14th of each month (the day of my little Afton’s birth) as I do my best to heal.

Not sure how we landed on butterflies in January, but it got us all excited for Spring. I’m a big fan of orange and hot pink together…love that color combo. Avery helped me stamp the invitations and then she hand delivered them.

The party table was pretty simple, we served sugar with a side of sugar. But seriously we did. Awww…I’m sure all the moms will thank me later. We had cupcakes, cotton candy, a little candy bar for the party favors and Tiffany’s ultimate party punch.

My little fake cake came in handy once again. I’m a big fan of “the fake cake”. I have used this cake for Christmas, Easter, and now for this party. It’s basically styrofoam cake forms covered in fondant that my SIL Nicole helped me with. I just decorate it with paper and ribbon.

For the candy bar, I just bought candy that went with the colors, pink and orange. I’m a big fan of the bulk candy sections at my local grocery stores: Macey’s and Winco, you can get the amount you need without spending more than you have to.

Maceys:
big gumballs: orange, pink and white
sour grapefruit slices

Winco:
big gummy butterflies
candy necklaces
pink Hershey kisses (valentine’s edition)
pixie sticks

To tie all the glass containers together, I added a little hot pink ribbon and a butterfly. I love how they looked all grouped together like that.

For the cupcakes, we just added a butterfly cupcake toppers to simple white cake and white frosting cupcakes.

For Christmas Avery got a cotton candy maker from her Grandma, so we HAD to get it out for the party. !! We had a dance off party while I made cotton candy. This kept the girls busy while I made it. The best dancers got the first cotton candy.

Can you imagine having a cotton candy maker at home as a kid when you were a little?! Seriously…I would have been in heaven. Kids these days…they just don’t know how lucky they are.

Check out their moves!

We ran out of time to make butterfly wands, but here is the one I had ready to go as an example for the girls.

Here’s the little party favor thank yous:

The party was a big success. Probably the highlight for me was right before the party started, Avery said, “I just want to make sure I give all my guests a warm welcome” (made me laugh). She is so cute. So far I’m loving this age she’s at.

*Lifestyle Crafts will be releasing a few of the shapes in the next week or so for CHA that I used here. So if you are into Lifestyle Crafts products, consider this a sneak peek of the new release. When they are available, you can use the code NOBIGGIE at checkout to get %20 off your purchase.

-Nesting Butterflies #DC0284 (seen here on the butterfly wands, candy bar, cupcake toppers and fake cake)
-Pop-up Box #DC0242 (seen here on the party favor thank you boxes)
-Pennants punch die #DC0263 (seen on the fake cake)

All this week we are celebrating the newest niner-niner at our house AKA “the Avester”.

Thank goodness I can still bribe her into the homemade birthday hat photo each year, because my plan is to do it until she’s 30…I mean 20…no…I mean 40. This is how she feels about turning 9.

This is how I feel about her getting one year closer to the double digits.

Here’s a fun look back at my girl through the years:

turning 8
turning 7
turning 6
turning 5

A few of my friends have asked about how Avery’s doing since the loss of her baby sister Afton. Seeing her in all the pictures that we have that day is so hard. It definitely was hard for her at first. Telling her the Sunday before we knew Afton was going to pass on that her baby sister was needed more in heaven than here on earth, was one of the saddest things we had to do. She is at an age where she understands so much, and she was really looking forward to having a baby sister here. Thankfully, kids are so resilient. They really are. She told one of my friends that she didn’t need to cry right then, because she had “cried out all of her tears”. I love that. As much as I know this experience will have such an effect on her life and cause her to have to grow up a little quicker in a way, I love knowing that she can bounce back to being a happy kid.

We love you Avery Jane!

Happy Birthday!

We received such a flood of support and love during this trying time, and I wanted to share a few of the things that I have loved with you. There have been too many to list everything here, and doing a post like this is intimidating for fear that I will leave something out. Just know that everything was so greatly appreciated.

If there is any one good thing that this blog has done for us, it would be sharing Afton’s story. It has been so nice to be able to tell her story in our words…once. Yes, I look forward to sharing and talking about her often, but to be able to tell how everything happened, right after it happened and reach all of our loved ones (including you all), without having to retell it on the phone, is amazing.

Also the dear friends I have made through this blog who shared Afton’s story with their readers and invited them to donate money to our family. One of the hardest realities to face through this whole experience is the hospital expenses that piled up through the month that I was at the hospital and the week that Afton was in the NICU; without a sweet baby at home to show for it.

Allison of Petit Elefant, Laurie of Tip Junkie, Brittany of Love Stitched, Tam of Sew Dang Cute, Cheri of I am Momma Hear Me Roar along with Harrison of Groop Dealz all raised money through their social media reach to help us make a dent in our hospital bills. This act of kindness is so incredibly nice and I want to thank all of them and any of you who donated. (Thank you!)

I am changed through this whole experience in so many ways, but one of the ways, is my sensitivity to people who have experienced the loss of someone they love. You really never know what it is like until you have experienced it yourself, but to be sensitive and supportive to those who have, is a gift. It really doesn’t take much to let them know that you care and that you are thinking of them. Just a sincere hand written card in the mail means so much. As much as I am such a big fan of all the ways to communicate online, there is just something special about a card in the mail. With the busyness of the holiday season, it was so touching to see a little handwritten note on a few of the Christmas cards that came our way.

So many say: “If you need anything let me know”. This is really so nice, but the truth is that the one in need most likely will never call for help. It was so appreciated to have a few dear friends just stop by with dinner. Something we could eat that night or freeze for later. Or a gift card to eat out or pick up something to bring home. Food is love…it really is.

We received beautiful flowers that were so appreciated. Both Avery and I received beautiful personalized necklaces that will always help us remember our sweet Afton. This was a special gift.

My friend Kim sent us the sweetest little wooden peg family (in the image above). I was so touched to see that she painted them just like we were dressed on the day we said goodbye to our little Afton. It’s crazy how something so simple like this, yet so personal, can mean so much.

We also received a couple of books, and one of them that I loved, was a book called Tear Soup. It’s a sweet illustrated book that helps you understand the grieving process. It’s a special book that I think everyone should read to really understand grief. Last month with everything going on, I rear-ended another car. It was just a fender bender, no one was hurt, but I have learned that through the grieving process you are more accident prone. I know that this is true, and I was almost relieved to read that, because I rarely get into accidents.

There have been a few friends who have been such a support to us through this. They have also experienced loss of loved ones and they know what it’s like. They have continued to reach out to us after everything has died down. They know that even though life just moves on for everyone else, that we are still here…not back to normal and that it will take a while to adjust to our new normal.

This video is so beautiful and helpful to me right now.

Welcome 2012~

I wish I could feel the clean slate feeling of a new year, but I don’t. Usually this time each year, I love to join in with so many and pick the “one little word” to stick to all year as a resolution to motivate me through the year. To be completely honest, my gut reaction would be to pick a word like: SURVIVE, because I know this is going to be a tough year. I know that seems so dire, but it’s how I feel right now.

If there is any one thing from the many life lessons that we learned from the short life of our little Afton, it would be service. So if I can think outside of myself and the giant cloud I have been living in, I would pick a word like: SERVICE.

So many have served us in one way or another over the last two months, and I want to pay it forward.

I love this quote by Marjorie Pay Hinkley:

I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden.
I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Another thing I want to focus on this year is documenting the everyday of our little family, and I’m excited to do it with a Project Life kit from Becky Higgins. I’ll be using the Clementine kit, and I’ll be sharing the pages here to keep me accountable.

So survive – service – and document life…those along with my standard lose weight are my goals for 2012.

What are you focusing on in 2012?

We did a postcard again this year, just like last year’s Christmas card. We also added a QR code to our card with a link to our 2011 Year in Review. I guess the QR code was more for our High-Tech friends…my mom was a little disappointed with her maroon flip phone. (sorry mom)

This year more than ever, we are so thankful for the birth of our Savior. It’s through him that we know that we will see our little Afton again.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

I hope you all enjoy this special time with your families and friends. I’ll be back posting in the new year.

ps. To photograph your tree like this – Here’s the How To.

Merry Christmas!

My sister’s friend Bliss shared this recipe with us, and we have loved it! (yes…my sister has a friend named Bliss. Probably the coolest girl’s name ever.)

Here’s what you’ll need:

-pretzels
-caramels
-white chocolate chips
-cinnamon sugar (mixed together in a shaker)

Here’s the how to:

Start by melting the caramels in the microwave in a glass bowl and the white chocolate chips in a separate glass bowl. Working in an assembly line: first dip half of each pretzel in the melted caramel then lay on a parchment lined pan to cool. Then dip each half into the melted white chocolate and then lay each pretzel back on the parchment to cool. Once you have a few of them cooling, sprinkle them with cinnamon sugar before they have completely cooled.

Once they have cooled completely, you can throw them in a big bowl and take with you to a party, or you could wrap them up in little cellophane bags and give them to your neighbors to wish them a Merry Christmas! They will love them!

I’m back blogging over at BabyCenter’s Momformation blog, and today I’m sharing the perfect holiday punch: Peppermint Punch! Come over for the recipe…it’s a good one.

My dear little Afton,

A whole month has past since you were born. It has been hard to think that more time has passed than the time we got to have you here with us. Although your time with us was so short, the impact your life has had, has been so great. Many have thanked us for sharing your story, saying that the story of your life has touched them greatly. Although I love hearing this, I’d rather have you here with us.

Saying goodbye to you is probably the hardest thing we will ever do. As much as I know you are in a better place – free from the pain and discomfort your tiny body would still be enduring in the NICU – for selfish reasons, I want you here. to hold you. to kiss you. to love you. to raise you. to see you grow up to be our beautiful little girl. It has been so hard looking at pictures of you and seeing your perfect little body and imagining how you would have grown up to be just like your big sister. Although your body wasn’t perfect on the inside and that is why we couldn’t keep you here; your spirit was too perfect, and that is probably the real reason you couldn’t stay long.

This last month has been so hard. I cry a lot. At night, in bed, while driving (which is awful because I can’t see), or while putting on eye makeup…which makes it pretty pointless to wear any makeup at all. I cry because we miss you. I cry because we shouldn’t be visiting our child’s grave. I cry because people have been so nice. So many have reached out in the most kind ways. I cry because we had to make a decision no parents should ever have to make, probably the most selfless decision we have ever made.

Sometimes I try to figure out why I really am crying, because if I think I’m crying for you, I have to remember that you truly are in a better place, free from this world that is full of saddness and hurt. If I cry for you, it’s because I think of the hope and excitement that comes with new life and all the happiness and potential you would have had on this earth. It was too much too quick. To go from the high of feeling that hope and excitement of your new life here and then turning right around and say goodbye in one week. Mostly I cry for us. For your brother and sister that would have loved to have you here. I cry for your Dad and I who wanted so badly to bring you home to be with us.

I want to hold onto all the memories of the six hours you gave us. That was such a gift. Thank you. I want to remember how your little heart just kept on beating. How the doctors and nurses thought you had already passed, but your little heart continued on for another hour. I want to remember the spirit in that room. How your Dad and I didn’t move for 6 hours. Not to go to the bathroom, to eat or drink – and we didn’t even notice. We didn’t want to miss a thing. It’s crazy how the spirit in the room that day made time disappear. We needed that time more than you know. Thank you. We initially had planned to have your graveside service the same day, but you were in control that day and I’m so thankful it worked out exactly how it did. We needed that day to be all your own.

It’s weird for me to think of how this year began and how I never could have guessed how it would end. I feel like our lives took a major detour.  Who’s to say if it’s a bad detour? Although it feels like this right now, I’m hoping I can view it differently over time. So many who have walked this path have reached out to me, which has been so nice. They have said that the pain will never go away, but my ability to cope and handle it will increase. I never want to not be able to cry. Crying has helped me heal.  A few have said that we just joined the saddest club that no one wants to join, and I believe them.

If there is any one thing I’d love for you to know, it’s that we LOVE you. So much. We are so thankful for you and your life here. The eternal perspective you have given our little family is truly a gift. We love to talk about you with our family and friends and we will talk of you often. We will talk about you with your brother and sister and where you live now, always watching over us. We hope to feel of your spirit often.

You will always be in my heart.

I love you forever.

Love, your mom

There are 8 different holiday glasses. Apparently you can only purchase holiday specs in quantities of 100, so if you wanted some, maybe you could find a few friends to split them with you, or you could give them as neighbor gifts.

I took some pictures with my phone to show you. You put the glasses on and every little light you see turns into…

snowflakes!

snowmen!

reindeer!

or the Christmas star!

But the best part is seeing your family wear these goofy glasses in public.

I’ve started a new tradition: the Christmas tree trunk ornament (tradition). I saw this idea on Family Fun, and loved it!

This is our third year of cutting down our tree (see 2009 & 2010), but our first year to start this tradition.

After the guy cut our tree down, I had him cut a little piece off the trunk for an ornament.

I just wrote out Christmas 2011 in pencil,

and then used my wood burner to make it more permanent.
(Caution: wood burners are extremely hot.)

Then I just looped some ribbon, tied a bow and nailed the ribbon in to make it an ornament.

I was thinking I could write on the back of it after Christmas is over what the kids got for Christmas that year. Not what they “asked for”, since that is currently still changing, but what Santa brought them…the one big thing.

I also made a little felt stocking (more like an ornament) for Afton, to join ours.

On our drive home last night, I heard Silent Night. That song is forever changed for me. More special. The line: “sleep in heavenly peace” takes on a whole new meaning. (tears)

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

My heart goes out…

- to those who have ever lost a child.
- to those who have ever lost a child and then used that difficult experience to help someone else who is in the middle of it. (Your comments have helped us more than you know.)
- to those who have ever had a premature baby and felt so helpless.
- to those who have ever mourned with a friend.
- to those who don’t know what to say, but just say something.
- to those who just show up with dinner for a friend who needs it.
- to those who have used their blogs for good.

* this photo was taken December 2009 – when I used to take pictures of my kids in the bath with Santa Hats on. (a little weird )

Next week I’ll be back with a few fun Christmas-y things we’ve been up to. To those who have continued to check in with us, thank you.

to cry.

to heal.
to recover.
to sleep.

I wish time would stop because I’m not ready to say goodbye to the month of November. The month that our baby girl came in and out of our lives. The month that I sat listening to her little heartbeat for 11 days, watching it on a monitor for another 7 days and then feeling it under my fingertip when it finally stopped. (sigh) The month that gave us those precious 6 hours straight with her. The month that was all about her, our little angel.

Thankfully, we have these two to keep us grounded. These two to squeeze a little tighter and hold a little longer.

I have always loved the “Winter Song” by Sara Bareilles. It’s such a pretty song. I was listening to my Christmas playlist last night, and it came on, and all the lyrics took on a whole new meaning. The line:

“December never felt so wrong, cause you’re not where you belong; inside my arms.”

-made me cry. It’s like they wrote it for me.

I was worried about heading right into Christmas, how I would feel about everything, and I’m actually happy to have it to look forward to. Celebrating the birth of our savior, listening to songs all about angels and peace, and enjoying our two as they soak in all the magic of Christmas, is exactly what I need.

Winter Song

Winter Song Lyrics

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

When I first saw it, I just burst into tears. It really is the most special little dress. She told us that she really felt like angels were there assisting her to make it just right. It was truly amazing how it fit our little Afton’s tiny body just perfect. It was made with such detail and care. It was the most soft little dress with velcro on the backside to make it easy to dress her in it. Along with the dress, she made a little headband, a little bonnet and little white booties to match.

This was the little dress that our sweet baby girl was buried in. Just yesterday, Bree surprised me with a second little dress to keep, so that I can always remember the sweet little dress that our little Afton wore. (tears)

Thank you Bree. This was the most sweet gift. Knowing that our baby girl left this earth in this most special little dress, means so much to me.

My brother-in-law Dave (my sister Becky’s husband) made this little pine box for our sweet little Afton. With such short notice, he made this box with so much love and care. It was the perfect size. As difficult as it is to see something like this and know what it will be used for, I truly felt the love knowing that it was made special for Afton with so much love for our sweet baby girl. My mom lined it with soft white fabric.

Thank you Dave. This was so kind of you.

My sister Becky made these little monogrammed heart pillows. One for Afton to rest her head and two for us to keep. Truly such care and love went into such a difficult thing.

A little white minky blanket was made special for Afton by Kyle’s sweet cousin Steffanie. I love that our sweet little angel was surrounded in white.

A great big thank you to my sweet sisters. They have helped me so much during this time. They have taken our kids over nights. They really are like second moms to our kids.

Also a big THANK YOU to our sweet parents. Both of our moms served us so much during this time. Helping with our kids, meals and simple things that needed to be done, that we couldn’t do for ourselves with so much going on. Both of our Dads have been so supportive too, from giving me a blessing to speaking at Afton’s little service and dedicating Afton’s grave. We both have amazing parents who we love dearly.

Our little Avery has been so sweet through this all. It has been so hard to see her sad and missing her baby sister that she was so excited to have here in our family. So many have been so sweet to her and Aiden during this time. Such care has gone into taking care of our kids, who also have been so saddened by everything (more so Avery than Aiden), but I know that they both feel the loss.

Our sweet friend Heidi who has been with us through everything pregnancy related. She is an ultrasound tech, and has scanned me every time through the years. It is through her that we found out early about the IUGR of both of our girls. I feel lucky that we had her care through it all.

The amazing NICU staff. We had a small graveside service on Tuesday with just our families, and Afton’s sweet nurses and doctor who took such great care of her came to her little service to support us. They really are angels working in the NICU.

The NICU is a place that you really hope and pray you never have to spend anytime in, but knowing that our baby girl received such loving care means so much to me. They are such special people.

I am so thankful for Kyle. I feel so blessed that we had each other to go through this together. I cannot imagine going through this alone. This whole experience has strengthened our love for each other in so many ways. I love this man more than words can say.

And finally, I am thankful for all of you that have taken the time to share your love and support with us, along with sharing the story of our sweet little Afton with the ones you love. Your comments have lifted us up in this most difficult time. We have read each and every one, and felt your tears and prayers.

The life of our sweet little Afton has been such a source for good. She has helped us all remember how special our time here is. We could not have made it through this all without the knowledge that we will see our sweet little girl again.

Happy Thanksgiving Day! I hope you all are surrounded by the ones you love.