NifwlSeirff | Athrist

Fighting the overwhelm

2011-11-23T01:53:00.001+11:00

For as long as I can remember, I've had the feeling that the only state I know well is being overwhelmed. Perhaps it's related to not being in control of events. Like the abuse that filled my childhood, the pain and multiple operations for endometriosis/adenomyosis (next one will likely be next year), and the unexpected and uncontrollable natural disasters that have personally affected me in the last few years.

Of course, there are many more 'controllable' aspects that increase the overwhelm. Especially the seemingly unavoidable feedback loop of earning to pay for medical treatment, and the work (or work situation) negatively affecting health. But also the drive to keep studying, taking on too large a work/study/life load, being strongly affected by other people's problems (especially family), having so many interests and hobbies, and wanting to help everyone with everything, even when unhappy and unwell. I seem to have always aimed at being an over-achiever, but almost never achieving what I set out to do.

More than one professional has suggested that many people may take on too much because of their fear of failure, even though this seems counter-intuitive. By overloading, problems will inevitably arise, which the person can then blame for not achieving the goal. Some suggest it's because of a fear of uncertainty (or risk). By overloading, it is almost certain that at least one thing will fail.

I've put myself in such a situation again. I have started the third of a three-course intensive language program, am trying to keep up with the Stanford database course (my computer science knowledge is extremely rusty), running my first ever English conversation course (lesson planning and formal grammar learning devours so much time), started to write on HubPages, enrolled in a couple of writing courses, agreed to review some books, and have agreed to take on more English classes soon. I'm often chafing that I can't pursue my other hobbies - they are the first things that get put aside for work, then study and then writing commitments. Of course, this is in a place unfamiliar to me, without my normal support network, after a series of events in the last few years that were truly overwhelming for me.

So my current focus is finding strategies to fight the overwhelm, pruning back to things that are important, and working towards somewhat better health, before the next operation knocks me over again.

Links for 2012-02-06 [del.icio.us]

2012-02-07T00:00:00-08:00

Flower photography

Links for 2012-02-03 [del.icio.us]

2012-02-04T00:00:00-08:00

Go electronic - leaner and greener in February

Links for 2012-01-27 [del.icio.us]

2012-01-28T00:00:00-08:00

Learn to summarize and paraphrase

Write [Flickr]

2012-01-27T01:04:45-08:00

nifwlseirff posted a photo:

Links for 2012-01-20 [del.icio.us]

2012-01-21T00:00:00-08:00

What Tolkien taught me about cooking

Links for 2012-01-16 [del.icio.us]

2012-01-17T00:00:00-08:00

100+ ways to go green and save

Accidental [Flickr]

2012-01-09T01:36:43-08:00

nifwlseirff posted a photo:

Links for 2012-01-08 [del.icio.us]

2012-01-09T00:00:00-08:00

http://nifwlseirff.hubpages.com/hub/Magnetosphere-music

Links for 2012-01-04 [del.icio.us]

2012-01-05T00:00:00-08:00

Easy and delicious pineapple fruitcake

Synthetic kimono fabric [Flickr]

2011-12-21T10:07:08-08:00

nifwlseirff posted a photo:

More about kimono fabrics here

Rayon kimono fabric [Flickr]

2011-12-21T10:07:06-08:00

nifwlseirff posted a photo:

More about kimono fabrics here

Muslin kimono fabric [Flickr]

2011-12-21T10:07:05-08:00

nifwlseirff posted a photo:

More about kimono fabrics here

Ways to help Japan

2011-03-25T22:11:00.002+11:00

Two weeks after the quake and tsunami, the death toll has topped 10,000. Hundreds of thousands are displaced, living in evacuation shelters around the country.

Much damage has been done to fundraising efforts by the misinformation being spread by international news services (and many foreign embassies), specifically about the Fukushima power plant. The 10,000 dead and even more still missing, the towns that have been wiped out, all along the north-eastern coast of Japan have absolutely nothing to do with the plant. Trivialising the earthquake and tsunami by focusing on the Fukushima plants shows a staggering lack of intelligent, rational, factual, scientific and correct reporting. The media seems to want only to spread fear and panic.

This earthquake and tsunami was the biggest combined disaster to ever hit Japan -- I hope the foreign media focus will return to this, encouraging more people to help, instead of (wrongly) fearing for their lives.

Donations

Japanese Red Cross society
Doctors Without Borders/Medicins Sans Frontiers
World Vision
Oxfam in Japan - emergency appeal

Google's crisis response page
@makiwi has published a huge list of ways to help, and even more have been added in the comments.
CauseAction.jp has a list of donation sites and methods (Japanese).

News services from Japan in English

2011-03-25T21:59:00.003+11:00

Often the English versions of Japanese news services run behind the Japanese news, sometimes by several days.
Note: the NHK World uStream will be stopped tonight (25th), but you can still watch on the NHK World site, and on Livestation.

Also, the portal from Japan Meteorological Agency is good for weather forecasts for affected regions, and updates about aftershocks.

Fukushima radioactivity update (21 March)

2011-03-21T17:14:00.007+11:00

For the results of various monitoring sites, please see this older post.

Updated radioactivity graphs, compiled from various monitors - decreasing steadily after spikes caused by venting / explosions / fires. Although a couple have shown slight increases (no where near previous spikes), probably due to the inland-blowing wind and rain.
IAEA update (20 March) with coloured table - status of the reactors.
WHO: nuclear concerns (FAQs), including: Potassium iodide may damage kidneys, only take on (medical) authority's recommendations.
Fukushima prefecture updated monitoring results (Japanese).
- Most recent air readings in Fukushima: 2pm Japanese and 9am English reports
- Tap water readings in Fukushima city: 9am Japanese, 6pm 20th March English
Raw milk monitoring results from the 16th (note - none was treated and none is available for sale) (English).
Ministry of Health Labour and Welfare press release re. Iitate water levels of Iodine131 in water at the Takishita water treatment plant: Japanese and English through Google Translate.
Note: The ministry and Japan's Nuclear Safety Commission says this water unsafe to drink, but otherwise normal (domestic) use is ok.

Fukushima update - March 19

2011-03-19T16:15:00.006+11:00

NISA-TEPCO conference - Fukushima 1 nuclear power plant - summary
Reactor 6: 2nd generator providing power, now used for cooling
Reactor 5: coolant pump now working with power connected
Reactor 4: no update
Reactor 3: water dousing continuing - fire trucks chained together, allowing 7 hours of unmanned water cannoning.
Reactor 2: power planned to be restored by the end of today.
Reactor 1: no update

Note: Much of the equipment for power supply is soaked in sea water from the tsunami, so there may be delays as equipment is fixed.

Radiation at the plant: 18 March 8:10am at the west gate of Fukushima 1: 830.8 μSv/h at 8:10am; high; lowering to 364.5 μSv at 9pm. NISA is evaluating new current data.
Note: World Health Organisation reported: No radiation risk outside evacuation zone

Weather is changeable at the moment, rain to arrive tomorrow. One of the sites I follow shows wind directions and forecasts for different altitudes: WeatherForecast.com for Fukushima. '
(NHK) 19th March: wind is blowing from south to north, changing to blowing east to west in the evening. 20th March: rain, with a wind blowing from the south-east to the north-west.

Fukushima prefecture government is now regularly updating their advice bulletins covering utilities, transport and radiation monitoring (PDFs). Bulletins in English, Japanese, Chinese

Radiation monitoring: 10am March 19 (English: 89th air report, 85th air report, water report)
Summary:
- Water readings of iodine-131 continue to decrease (well under safe levels).
- Air readings are stable: Iitate 20 microseiverts / hr; Fukushima city 10; Koriyama, Shirakawa and Minami soma around 2.2; Tokiwa, Funehiki, Iwaki and Fukushima airport about 1; Aizu Wakamatsu 0.5; Minami Aizu 0.09
  
  Stomach xray: 600 microseiverts / hr
  
  Fukushima prefectural advice - stay inside as much as possible. All readings are well under safe levels.
- Bus information, Shinjuku/Koriyama bus info
- Airport information
An ex-JET from Fukushima is also keeping track of and disseminating information in Fukushima prefecture.

I'm using the following radiation monitoring sites:

MEXT map Japanese, press releases Japanese, English press releases via Google Translate
Ibaraki Tokai 2 monitor Ibaraki prefecture announcements, including radiation measurements: Japanese, English via Google Translate
Aggregation of various monitoring points, converted into μSv/h for consistency
Amateur geiger counter in Hino, Tokyo
Gunma monitoring point
Yokohama monitor station
Unofficial google map of monitoring stations

Official press releases from nuclear agencies around the world:

IAEA updates on the reactors
TEPCOs press releases: English, Japanese
- Updated radiation data from TEPCO for March 18th (Japanese), unofficial graph by @koh_t
NISA press releases English, Japanese
JAIF reports: English

Earthquakes: the aftershocks are slowing -- quakes older than 7 days are dropping off the USGS map (seemed to peak at about 550).

People I follow on twitter: @makiwi has been fantastic - live translating press conferences, @iaeaorg, @norishikata, @kenmogi, @mutantfroginc

TEPCO also has a twitter account now: Japanese, English via Google Translate.

Twitter lists followed by various media outlets: TheTokyoPost, Wall Street Journal.

Radiation monitoring in Fukushima prefecture

2011-03-18T05:58:00.003+11:00

A useful aggregation of monitoring data, converted into μSv/h for consistency: http://fleep.com/earthquake/

Latest update 19 March 10:30am JST
Information releases from the Fukushima prefectural government, including results of water measurements. In Japanese, and translated to English.

Finally I found a site that details radiation measurements in the areas around the nuclear plants in Fukushima prefecture, to discover that many of the monitors are currently offline. But here is the information anyway.

Environmental Radioactivity Monitoring Center of Fukushima: Japanese, English via Google Translate

Of particular interest:

List of environment radiation: Japanese, English via Google Translate, mobile content in Japanese
First power plant area map: Japanese, English via Google Translate
Second power plant area map: Japanese, English via Google Translate
Environmental radiation graphs (click on the monitor icons in the picture for graphs for each monitor): Japanese, English via Google Translate

Fukushima 1 reactor update

2011-03-17T22:40:00.001+11:00

There has been no recent official/confirmed Fukushima reactor updates, which is encouraging. Because they tend to jump fast to report when there are bad changes.

So... focusing on the measurements and official announcements - as this is the most objective and least panicked measure of the current situation.

@makiwi has also published a list of radiation monitors that she is watching, mostly the same as below.

Iwaki, Fukushima saw 3.84 microsievert high, has since come down. Probably a blip due to the smoke cloud passing.

At Ibaraki Tokai 2 monitor, the high reading has also been decreasing after the explosion blip. http://www.japc.co.jp/pis/tokai/trend2.htm
Ibaraki prefectural announcements, including radiation measurements: Japanese, English by Google Translate

At 8.30am, 8217 micro sieverts were measured by the main gate at Fukushima Nuclear Plant 1 (NHK)
The radiation level at the plant gate 9am was 11,930 micro sieverts, but dropped to 496.4 by 3pm. (Mr Edano's press conference a few hours ago, and TEPCOs measurement chard - PDF http://www.tepco.co.jp/cc/press/betu11_j/images/110315e.pdf)

RT @makiwi An amateur geiger counter in Hino, Tokyo shows a spike to about 90 CPM (about .9 microsievert) around 12:30PM on the 15th, now it's back down
Readings online: http://park18.wakwak.com/~weather/geiger_index.html
Note: the computer was restarted at 9:50am 17 March JST.

Gunma monitoring point spiked, but has since decreased again: http://www.pref.gunma.jp/05/e0900020.html

Yokohama monitor station: http://www.city.yokohama.lg.jp/kankyo/saigai

MEXT readings on the 16 March

Information releases from the Fukushima prefectural government, including results of water measurements. In Japanese, and translated to English.

Unofficial google map of unofficial and official monitoring stations and alerts

IAEA updates on the reactors: http://www.iaea.org/newscenter/news/tsunamiupdate01.html

TEPCOs press releases are notoriously slow and lacking in information: http://www.tepco.co.jp/en/press/corp-com/release/index-e.html and in Japanese: http://www.tepco.co.jp/tepconews/index-j.html

The most recent TEPCO measurement car update for the Fukushima 1 plant was at 1pm local time (JST), 16 March: (PDF in Japanese, Fukushima 1 measuring car update 1:10pm 16 March (in English from Google Translate): Google Translation of the PDF document)
TEPCOs March 16th press release on the status of Fukushima 1 and 2.

Japan's Nuclear and Industrial Safety press releases: http://www.nisa.meti.go.jp/english/index.html

Japan Atomic Industrial Forum reports: http://www.jaif.or.jp/english

An update

2011-03-17T12:48:00.004+11:00

I wrote a post for a BBC news blog last night while listening to the NHK World stream, watching the radiation monitors, twitter and news.

The photo I provided with the article was of a building that had collapsed on its 2m high car park. I hope no-one was under there at the time of collapse.

The stupidity of the working culture in Japan

2011-03-14T15:23:00.005+11:00

The Board of Education insisted we attend work today (JET), and do absolutely nothing. We stacked the books that had fallen on the floor in the office, and were thanked for our help. And then told to sit there and do nothing more.

We left the office this afternoon, sick of playing cards, when we needed to get in line for water/food. And the Board of Education insisted on docking vacation leave for half a day.

It would be fine if we were helping with relief efforts at the evacuation centers, but we were told we must travel to the office, stay in the office for a normal work day, get lunch and water ourselves (from where?!?), and do absolutely nothing. And they did not care one bit about the rain/snow later (which may or may not be mildly radioactive -- unconfirmed sources), and despite the government officially issuing warnings to stay inside and covered (no concrete area specified once again), for the Fukushima area.

Of course, the only information we get is through one JET here that can speak / understand enough Japanese, because we are not getting any information in English from the higher ups, or much from any of the JET support agencies.

Can you tell I am absolutely livid!?! My employer is insane, flagrantly ignoring safety, not to mention toying with psychological health, purely for the sake of social face. Why else would they put us in a less safe, less healthy environment, told to do nothing, rather than let us stay safe, warm (under bedclothes), and out of the way, when they so obviously don't want us to help them in any way?

I am grateful for being alive and reasonably safe, albeit with chronic illnesses flaring and causing massive amounts of pain. I feel terrible about the human cost of this compound disaster. And of course, there's a large amount of a typical 'survivors' response -- the combined guilt and relief that it could have been much worse, and guilt for 'taking care of self' while others are suffering.

This is the 3rd natural disaster I have been through - I am shaking all the time, compounding the aftershocks, and it's made much worse by constant sirens and uncertainty about the reactors.

Mega earthquake and nuclear accident in Fukushima

2011-03-13T11:30:00.001+11:00

Still getting large continuous aftershocks (many 6+). Count is heading towards 300.
Watching the tenki.jp quake list which updates faster and more thoroughly than USGS. Although the 10 degree area USGS map and list is quite spectacular, as is their prettier Shock and aftershock map. (Wikipedia page)

Information is woefully and disgracefully slowly being released and updated, especially in English. Media is as usual sensationalising. I have received so many requests for phone interviews with various media outlets around the world (no phone interviews thank you). For news, I'm mostly relying on live translation-tweeting by @makiwi of various press conferences (especially of those who contain engineers, and not politicians/lawyers).

Nearby Fukushima nuclear plant problems (level 4 on the INES scale)

Fukushima 1 plant (Daiichi) has 6 reactors: reactor 1 and 3 have ongoing cooling problems. Reactor 2 has low coolant level but is stable. Reactors 1-3 have been vented to release pressure. Reactors 4-6 are cooling and stable at last press release.
The outer wall of the turbine was lost when a buildup of hydrogen reacted with oxygen and exploded.
20km evacuation area.
4 workers have been injured, and 4 exposed while working inside the reactor building.
Suspected cases of exposure to public are mostly likely to be due to being outside nearby at time of reactor 1 venting.
Daiichi press release 13 March 2am

Fukushima 2 plant (Daini) has 4 reactors: all 4 have been vented to reduce pressure. Reactor 1 seems to have some cooling issues.
10km evacuation area.
Workers have been injured due to physical accidents on site.
Daini press release 12 March 11pm

Preparation

2010-06-22T06:03:00.005+10:00

I'm heading to Japan at the end of July, for a year of teaching with the JET programme. They seem to be rather disorganised, so I'm getting tiny trickles of information about where I will be working and living. At the moment, I know I'll be in Fukushima city, in Fukushima prefecture, and working at a variety of junior high schools, and some elementary schools. There are about 70 schools in the city, and it seems that the JETs are posted to random schools for short times. This is good, as I won't need to remember names, but bad as I won't be able to build a rapport with the students.

The preparation for this move has been long, difficult and extremely busy. I finished my TESOL diploma course, after 3 years, with a final word count for all modules of: 107,069. I'm glad it is done, even though it caused me a lot of pain and stress.

To raise money for the move I'm selling most of my stuff. This has been very difficult, it is hard to part with collections of things. But it has certainly opened my eyes about what is and isn't important, and my buying patterns have changed enormously because of it.

I've still yet to assemble an appropriately professional wardrobe, although I have grey skirt suit set, and some really comfortable black suit pants from Sportscraft. My plan is to hit the Camberwell secondhand shops at some point to see if I can find a matching black suit jacket and some nice shirts. I also need to find new shoes (indoor only) for wearing while teaching - I'm sure I'll be doing a load of standing and walking (and commuting between schools, but that's a different pair of shoes).

I'm not looking forward to the muggy summer in Japan. Fukushima has a very humid average of 30 degrees in summer, and 0 degrees in winter (there will be snow). Packing for a year for this is very difficult! I'm considering taking an extra suitcase and paying for the extra baggage, instead of shipping a box at a later time. I don't know which is best.

Trying to catch up with people before I move, so I'll be in the city at QV Max Brenner on Monday 28th from 4:30pm until about 8pm.

Another haphazard update

2010-03-03T13:43:00.000+11:00

It feels a lot more real now, that I am going overseas to work. My interview was a few weeks back, and although the interview was very tough and the interviewers asked some very difficult questions, I am quietly confident of being accepted. Waiting until April to find out, is rough.

Other huge and scary changes have additionally spurred me to get rid of all of my 'stuff', right now. Well, most of it, anyway. Sorting through 20+ years of accumulated stuff, noting just how much it depreciates, how it is not appreciated, how difficult it is to split shared stuff, and how much non-physical emotional weight it has, is scary. It is a liberating feeling to get rid of it. Perhaps one way to cure anyone of an addiction to consumerism, and change buying patterns for good. I had already scaled back my pack-rat tendencies substantially, but I think this is blowing away the dregs. Especially as I'm having to do this urgently, instead of spreading it out over several months. However, I will need significant help to drink through my tea collection!

The recent changes, plus increased fitness (an average of 20-25km per day when travelling!) have resulted in me dropping weight and size at an incredible rate. Many milestones reached in the last few months - out of the obese weight range, down to size 16 jeans (which are now loose, 2 weeks after I bought them!), becoming the most flexible I have ever been - all very motivating.

I am horrified at the cost of renting / share houses, the lack of availability, and the unwillingness of people and agents to accept short term 'contracts'. When did it get so difficult, inflexible, and so incredibly expensive?

Starting a second set of Japanese lessons, over Skype, is interesting - seeing how technology can be used for tutoring, is encouraging. It will be a few more weeks before I'm comfortable with this style of lesson I think - it is very different even to a private tutoring session. The extra tuition, and using Japanese with more people casually, seems to help with vocabulary retention, and with being able to understand spoken Japanese.

Travelling

2010-01-09T10:03:00.003+11:00

Japan so far has been fantastic, I had a wonderful time at the New Years course in Fukuoka (Asahi Nihongo). Contrary to my usual nature, I enjoyed spending time with people, and wished I had put the course at the end of my trip. Travelling alone after have fun during the course is difficult!

Finally meeting my long-time email/Skype friend in Kitakyushu was lovely, and we spent a (long) day walking around Mojiko, Shimonoseki and Kitakyushu. I rushed back to Fukuoka and bought my first obi, and have simply had to go into every kimono shop I find! I had no idea that the range of kimono fabrics was so varied.

Kyoto is daunting - too many people, too large a city, and I don't feel safe walking around in the dark, unlike in Fukuoka. I've already been approached by an older (homeless?) guy who wouldn't stop talking about how awful Sydney, Australia and the English language is (in English). Kyoto is also the first place in Japan where I have seen a plastic broom - everywhere else I have been have used natural bristle brooms.

I will explore Kyoto's tourist sights over the next week, and do a few day trips - next up is catching up with more online friends!

Travel log (in progress)
Kyoto photos

Haphazard update

2009-11-28T16:17:00.000+11:00

I can't believe how long it is since I have posted here! The last several months have been extremely hectic, despite finishing my contract with the State Library, and focussing on my studies. So, in my usual haphazard style, here is a random update on all sorts of things. Notes about my recent trip to Western Australia will be in another post.

I've fully recovered from the withdrawal effects from Zoladex, and managed to lose a good 10 kg since starting it. I've even broken into the 80s finally. My fitness continues to increase. Since that 20km walk, I walked the straight route between my friends' and home while house sitting (25km), and then the long way. *ouch* I had calculated it to be 33km, but it was 40km! The blisters were legendary, and kept me out of participating in the 50km charity walk at the beginning of November (a good thing too, it was a 32 degree day!) The new insoles are nearly broken in - or rather I've been broken to work with them. They are no good for running though, so I'll look into a set of squishy insoles with met-domes next year - I want to do the couch to 5km challenge when I return from my holiday in Japan next year.

Adenomyosis shrunk a little, endometriosis still hasn't returned, and continuing with the new Mirena and gabapentin, I'm managing really well. All the specialists are very pleased with me, and want me to keep going. I do need to focus on continuing my weight loss (thus the couch to 5k challenge). My vitamin D levels are pretty abysmal though.

My JET 2010 application has been received in Canberra, and now it's a nervous wait until February, when hopefully I'll receive an interview. I found it really difficult to write a two page essay about myself rather than external topics! Blog posts are easy - conversational in tone, and thought stream in style. A formal essay about oneself? Difficult!

My trip to Japan is fully booked, and I'm a little jittery - I've never done a homestay before. I do need to stock up on some warmer clothes, as there will be snow! Before the trip though, I'm still horrendously busy - 15km fun run tomorrow (I will be walking it), and JLPT3 exam next Sunday, then a sprint to finish my TESOL degree before my flight just after Christmas. I don't think I'm going to have time to get into the garden, or restart some of my half-finished cross-stitch and patchwork projects.

Randomness

2009-09-05T13:07:00.005+10:00

I finally have a working kitty cam again! I now have two of them (one each for Gingy and Smokey), and I'm amazed at how much the quality of web cams have improved since I bought my old Logitech. Coupled with a Sheeva plug, the cameras are on most of the time - just in time for an extended stint of house-sitting.

I've finally finished my contract, but am still stressing about the situation there. I know it's not my problem, but I have a chronic disconnect between knowing and feeling. I'll be taking several months at least, to focus on health and my studies.

I did my longest ever walk, last Wednesday - about 20km, and it hurt. At about 4km to my destination, the sciatic went, making each step agony (for about 2km). I seem to also have strained my shoulder - it's crunching every time I move my arm, and the muscle between the shoulder blade and the spine regularly spasms (I just noticed that 'spasming' is not a valid word). I don't know how I'll make it to 50km, but I'll definitely keep trying! I haven't found a good blister solution yet - the Elastoplast and Scholl blister products squish off to the side of the blisters on the soles of my feet on long walks. Perhaps I need to reapply them every 10km -- that is awfully expensive!

I have an extremely busy several months ahead of me, that 50km walk I mentioned, completing my degree (which I've hardly started), studying an awful lot to try to pass the JLPT3, a trip to WA, and another longer trip to Japan, including a home-stay and culture course.

I survived the 6 months of hell, and I didn't kill anyone! Zoladex (goserelin) has knocked me around badly - my immune system is so weak, that I pick up any virus that is floating around (and there are many on public transport), insomnia has worsened, pain levels are awfully high (especially in my hands, sinus and jaw), and I have almost no short term memory (yes - worse than usual!) But I got though the treatment, and even lost 8kg. The last time I was on the medication, I put on a lot of weight. This time I worked very hard - walking a lot (ow!), and being more strict on my diet. I'll find out if the 6 months of Zoladex shrunk the adenomyomas at the end of November. I also plan to re-test my bone density (Zoladex reduces bone density by about 3%, but I've been doing a lot of weight bearing exercises). On another note, my extremely low vitamin D levels are slowly increasing, not fast enough for the doctors to be happy though. The t-shirt I wore on my last visit to the doc (Keep out of direct sunlight) didn't even receive a comment!

Freeform word association swap

2009-08-09T15:04:00.005+10:00

A huge thank you to Simone for organising this swap, prompting me to make an extremely belated blog entry. This is for the I say ... and you think ... ? swap on swap-bot.com.

Taxman -- I really must do my tax, this year I am finally due at least a small tax refund. I have all of the required paperwork, and I could be earning interest on it instead of the government. I also need to research what is required to set myself up as a contractor. I'm sure next year's tax return will be much more complicated.
Material -- I have a huge tour of material, both the dressmaking and quilting, packed away under my bed. It's never been used, because I've always been too busy -- working, and recovering from work. Perhaps I might get around to using it in the near future. I am really looking forward to finishing the quilt top started many months, if not years ago -- my hands will need to recover from the insane amounts of typing before I set the sewing machine up.
Format -- why can't document formats used by popular office programs be consistent? I am sick of wrestling Open Office documents (in Word format) to look correct and consistent (and the other way around). Google Documents into both Microsoft and Open Office also require inordinate amounts of tweaking (and once again, the other way around also).
File cabinet -- once upon a time I wanted my own filing cabinet to store paperwork at home. These days I associate "filing cabinets" with paperwork-laden workplaces. I wish it could be confident and say that I will see the end of filing cabinets within my lifetime, but I don't think paper will be eliminated from offices any time soon.
Ignore -- "I'm not hungry! I'm not hungry!" I wish it were easier to ignore a hungry stomach, especially as they tend to emotionally eat when under crazy amounts of work-stress.
Super! -- in which English speaking country is this a common exclamation? It's rarely used in Australia at the moment. I'd love to see a time lapsed model in Google Earth of how language changes are spread. It would be difficult to incorporate and distinguish regions, similar phrases, age ranges and other social information clearly.

Fireproof -- the authorities are starting to plan for this year's fire season already. I am dreading the days where everything will be covered in smoke haze, as a back-burn throughout the hills to reduce the fuel load. It's the Australian bush -- fire is a natural and regular occurrence. Personally I think there should be a wider reaching community education program, teaching people in fire prone areas the best ways of accessing information, and explaining the importance of keeping themselves informed at all times. It is not the authority's responsibility to tell every individual when there is a fire in the area. If you live in a fire prone area, and its high risk of fire season, you should always keep an eye on the various websites, listen to the news/radio, and keep in touch with other locals.
Blockbuster -- they are gearing up to film The Hobbit! And they have started predicting when the extended editions of the bluray version of the Lord of the Rings will be released! I am so looking forward to these!
Snooper -- my cats, who regularly snoop into all accessible cupboards, and one can even open doors by himself!
Good will -- a scarce resource in this world!

Damage control

2009-06-08T15:47:00.001+10:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

Unfortunately, I haven't been online much recently. The insane schedules of several large, under-resourced and unrealistically time-limited projects have forced me to do way too much typing, and extra long hours. In order to actually deliver on these projects, I've had to drastically limit my computer use, and not do anything with my hands outside of hours. No hobbies, gardening, crafting, drawing, stitching, writing, game playing, emailing friends, swapping, cooking, studying... nothing - it was the only way I could keep going. I allowed myself the occasional tweet, FB check, and skimmed the articles piling up in Google Reader. There are still another three stupidly scheduled large projects that are outstanding, so I probably won't be around for a while longer.

I did manage to get out one weekend, and walk around Birdsland and Lysterfield Lake reserves in Upwey/Tecoma. Wandered through the same corner as last time, and a little bit more, that was burned during the February '09 bushfires. The kangaroos were out in force again (it was dusk). The hillsides were slightly eerie - they had a green glow, almost covering the black trunks, but not yet hiding the burnt brown leaves. Most of the trees are shooting new growth from their black trunks - it's a very odd sight. This time, an increased variety of birds were flitting around in larger numbers than when we walked just over a month ago. The soot was still very deep and obvious, where it was slowly mixing in with the dirt on the walking tracks.

I am looking forward to returning there in another month or so - I expect the trees will be covered in greenery again.

All in 100 words

2009-05-25T17:38:00.005+10:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

I have a lot of stuff happening at the moment, with more looming on the horizon. All of which would benefit from me getting past a long-standing procrastination habit. I am pondering getting some help in destuckifying a number of things; trying to help my body lose weight and hurt me a little less (chronic pain and other issues are muddying my attempts). I have a course to finish (TESOL - would love to rewrite it); work to do (insane deadlines); a house with adorable kitties and a wonderful partner, to upkeep. Methinks, I need a dragon!

Written for a swap on swap-bot, and to motivate myself to move a little more on the stuff I want to do!

Fish eyes in cat food

2009-04-23T11:30:00.004+10:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

I found these hard, nearly opaque balls in Gingy's food bowl, after he finished dinner. The slightly spongy white covering (felt like polystyrene), scratched off to reveal a very hard ball, similar to those in silica gel packets. I fished the emptied sachet out of the bin, cut it open and found another two balls, still in the bottom of the sachet. I have no idea how many more Gingy has eaten!

The suspected contaminated 100g sachet was Snappy Tom, Fresh Catch, Choice sardines with whitemeat chicken.

Edit
Safcol have stated that these are actually fish eyes. I've asked if fish eyes are hard enough that a fingernail won't dent them, and apparently fish eyes go very hard when cooked.

For the non-squeamish people, see this post about cooking a tuna eyeball.

Fear, micro to macro

2009-04-12T12:40:00.006+10:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

Fear is something I've been running into a lot recently, both my own and from others. I'm scared that the second treatment for my adenomyosis won't work. The medication (Zoladex) has horrid side effects, and I'm struggling to cope. Other people display an incredible amount of fear when they find out this is predominantly a cancer medication. Until then, many are completely unconcerned and almost flippant. I find it amazing how much fear the C word can engender. Most people automatically assume cancer medication = chemotherapy. There are other medications, typically used in conjunction with chemo and radiotherapy.

Because I'm really not coping at all well with the treatment, I'm fear that, once again I won't complete my studies, I won't progress in Japanese, I'll lose touch with many of my friends (online, overseas, and offline) due to exhaustion, my health will worsen much further, and that I simply won't make it through the next 5 months. Fear always increases when you feel that you have no choice.

As a learning initiative at my current workplace, we are all looking at various Web 2.0 applications. There are so many useful ways to use and integrate such applications in a learning/teaching environment, not to mention in a corporate environment. I've found that many of these applications are not well understood, risks are not well thought out, and potential is often ignored. Much of this response seems to be based on fear and control - that data will be lost, read by the 'wrong' people, that people are too old to learn new things, it will require 'more work', or time will be wasted developing something that isn't used, etc., and companies are often left behind.

The project at work that had me out, about, and running training sessions is finishing, and I fear that there won't be much training in my near future. If I'm to type continuously every day, I fear my hands will be useless thanks to Raynaud's and inflammation. If I work in an open plan office every day, with the worst air-conditioning and no fresh air, it's likely I will get sinus infections (infections are worse than chronic sinusitis). There are a lot of new opportunities for new directions at work, and I feel that everyone is afraid that if they don't got after all of them at once, and spread their few resources even thinner, they won't get anything. Managers fear that workers will take advantage of economically and environmentally sensible measures such as telecommuting, flextime, reduced hours, etc. A fearful environment is not conducive to workplace productivity or happiness.

The world is very fearful, the economic situation, rising unemployment rate, constant threat of terrorism (and the constant reminders), climate and weather hiccoughs, resources running out, mega-illnesses, war, it goes on and on. The news programs do nothing to assuage fear, and politicians use the fear to secure votes. Then they wage war which only increases fear!

Change at all levels, engenders fear, especially if the reasons for the change are not understood. Often, even if the brain does understand, fear is still felt strongly. Emotions are such fickle things.

Unfortunately, I have no hints or funky strategies for dealing with, reducing working through fear. If you do, please share.

Finished tagging

2009-04-12T12:35:00.002+10:00

Finally, finished the re-tagging of all my old posts. It's only taken me months! Blogger's labelling functions do not play happily with my blogging software (Ecto). Neither does playing with the HTML (layout) of posts. Ecto has become more and more unstable as time has progressed - it's unlikely I'll continue to use it for much longer.

I'll need to have a look at other blogging software for MacOS, that can handle multiple blogs, and that can grab a full archive of posts (and their tags) from Blogger.

Walking

2009-04-05T23:01:00.008+10:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

Attempting to maintain and not put on weight while I'm on a 6 month course of the cancer medication Zoladex, I've been trying to walk a lot more. Today's mini-hike was through Sherbrooke forest, from Grant's picnic ground back to Tecoma. There were some tough hills to carefully go down, and with great difficulty, slowly plod back up.

On the aptly named Lyrebird track, we saw (and heard) loads of wild lyrebirds, mostly unconcerned, scratching beside the track. The weather was awful, raining heavily at times, with mist regularly obscuring the track or trees on the other side of a few clearings. Tree ferns were extremely green, and sopping wet, a huge change from when they were sunburned from the hot weather in February/March.

I managed to recording a different lyrebird's song in the same location, only a few minutes after I shot the photo on the right (MP3 audio file). Lyrebirds mimic other bird sounds, and anything else like cameras, phone rings, chain saws, etc! I was surprised how large and strong they were, and that they didn't run away from the track!

Continue with reviews?

2009-03-22T02:03:00.000+11:00

I wonder if I should continue posting reviews, like I used to. I'm still going through past posts, tagging and editing where necessary, and notice that I reviewed many things, fairly regularly. I still write book reviews quite often for various swaps. Must think more about bloggy directions.

Editing... and a short update

2009-03-17T00:32:00.001+11:00

nifwlseirff on flickr

Looks like The migration across several blogging platforms killed the layout - stripping paragraph marks, as well as tags. Just under half of the posts have been edited, replacing paragraphs and retagging. Long, manual process. Didn't help that I kept noticing old habitual misspellings (definate, and others) everywhere, and simply had to correct them!

The recent rain has done wonders for calming the bushfires, and my nervousness. Although, I was a little worried that we were going to be flooded by a few of the crazy deluges! the garden is sodden and looking much happier. I ran out of mulch before I could complete even one of the slopes, and don't have enough newspaper to cover the top garden. Need to find a cheap source of sugar cane or pea mulch.

My last trip away for work this week, in the forseeable future. I started in Warragul, and I am finishing in Warragul. Love the symmetry. I'm going to miss the training though, as I'm going to be doing a lot more of the technical testing/writing/evaluating.

Comment moderation

2009-03-09T19:02:00.002+11:00

I resisted for a long time, but I have had to turn on comment moderation for all posts. Recently I have had several spam comments from 'eco' companies and other sales people trying to sell stuff in their comments, even though I use the captcha words to discourage such people.