Name Your Tale

The Wieners Won!

admin — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:02:50 +0000

“I can’t believe this is a real thing,” I said.

“Who are you rooting for?” Eileen said.

The announcer introduced the dogs in the “Looney Hunds” circuit. “In Lane 1, it’s Daffy Duck-shund!”

“Daffy Duck was my favorite,” I said. I put my hand on Eileen’s back.

“In Lane 2, it’s Nugs Bunny!”

“Because his legs look like chicken nuggets?” Eileen said and stepped away from me. She leaned on the wooden fence.

“In Lane 3, give it up for Elmer Puppy!”

I wanted to say, “Look out, Daffy!” but Eileen was out of earshot.

“Last but not least, Weenie Coyote!”

***
Title by: ladymegan
Story by: Nick

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Drum Major Love Story

admin — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:34:42 +0000

Away games are the best, because there’s the additional time spent on the bus. Sometimes I can manage to get a seat right behind her. One time I even got to sit right next to her, coming back from a night game upcounty. We didn’t talk much, she had her earbuds in. She let me share her blanket, though. That bus ride was a forty-minute paradise.

I could never ask her out: she’s a senior. Seniors don’t date sophomores, especially sophomore clarinetists. She did wink at me that one time, though, during the homecoming parade. Happiest day of my life.

***
Title by: Anonymous
Story by: David

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High On Life…… And Drugs

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:37:07 +0000

It got to the point that Jim would make shit up to get pain pills.

“Your shoulder still hurts?” The Doctor asked, looking at his chart.

“I just need something to get me through the season, Doc,” Jim would say, never even thinking of playing Baseball.

“I don’t usually do this,” the Doctor said. “After baseball season, we discuss surgery.”

“Of course,” Jim said, taking the script.

He worked the French fry pit at Burger King. He was going to turn 35 next month. He hadn’t been laid in ten years. It was lying for mild pain pills or suicide.

***
Title by: David S.
Story by: Jarvis

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Apply song repeatedly

admin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:25:16 +0000

After the second night of bombing in Edinburgh, the comedian went back to the hotel early. He’d been clean for so long that it didn’t occur to him to find a pub to saturate his nerves. The festive scent of hashish crawled out from under the door across the hall, behind which his fellow countrymen were helping each other forget the tough UK crowds. And though the drugs were still a part of him, he refused to let them in. He laid a towel beneath his door, plugged into his iPhone, and listened to “Knights in White Satin” on repeat.

***
Title by: willgetback
Story by: Nick

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The Day I Remembered You

admin — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 13:17:44 +0000

It had been four years; I’d been out of the hospital for three. I was working at a restaurant, bussing tables, sharing an apartment with this dude I met in group. I got home late and turned on the television while I ate.

The doctor had said, “Anything can be the catalyst for your memory returning: a sound, a smell, a face, a location. It can happen at any time. Don’t lose hope.”

The news ended and SNL came on. It was the one with Gaga. Suddenly I remembered being married to you and our discussing hating everything about her.

***
Title by: Hines
Story by: David

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Fremantle, February 2008

admin — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 14:34:39 +0000

“Where are you going to be?” I asked. She didn’t like the question.

“Europe,” she said. The cab for the plane was waiting. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“You’ll see me again,” she said.

“When?”

“Fremantle,” she said. “Five years. There is a bench at a park with a rock in the middle, in the middle of the city.”

“Australia?” I asked.

“February, 2008,” she said. “I’ll be there.”

At the beginning of February in 2008, I sat on a bench facing a rock in a park in the middle of the city. Sure enough, an hour later, she sat down beside me.

***
Title by: Anonymous
Story by: Jarvis

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The Bear with a Pet Monkey

admin — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 12:08:49 +0000

My back hurts. My whiskers are graying and my butt is bare from sitting on stumps all day. It’s good for my back to sit on stumps. Chi-chi is growing weary of me, I feel, because I am so demanding. “Get me berries!” I say. “Scratch my back!” I used to scratch my own back on the bark of the oak trees, before I threw it out reaching for carp. “Chi-chi, get me carp!” Chi-chi hates water, but he’s good with tools. I worry that Chi-chi will meet another bear one day, one who is good-natured and not so needy.

***
Title by: Danni Alloy
Story by: Nick

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Wendy & The Infamous Granny Panty Heist

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:28:23 +0000

“It’s a what, now?” She stood in the doorway, smirking. She knew what I was saying. She was just making me spell it out so she could watch me squirm.

“A pledge task.”

“What does that mean?”

“Every active gives me a task. I have to complete all of them…”

“And?”

“And Jim’s was your… uh… well…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“Panties.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Wendy sighed, but she was still smirking as she turned to lean against the door jamb. “Well, all right. But you’re going to have to come in and take them off me yourself.

***
Title by: Anonymous
Story by: David

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reflections of words and faces

admin — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 15:03:57 +0000

The bar was full. People were holding their drinks and conversing. Then it all slows down. It dulls. The noise tones down to the sound of beads dropping onto wood floors. I saw people there, but the faces seemed to mimic each other. It was a feeling of touching your arm. Do I feel my hand? Do I feel my arm? Which is feeling which? Is my hand numb? Is my arm numb? I wanted to contain the feeling. It slipped away. I had to act like I knew what I was doing, pretend like I knew how to pretend.

***
Title by: Anonymous
Story by: Jarvis

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I Can Nut Spel Rite

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:17:28 +0000

Deer Fred. You arr probbly eggspecting to see a kewl plait of hott beggan and eggs, instedd of this, a “Deer Jonn” letter.

Yoov always thot I was stoopid. When wee plaid Jeppardy, you maid us buzz in with penns, butt you always tuk the clik penn and gave me the wun with a capp, so how wus I 2 win?

Last knight, when you showed Jymm and Karluh the Berthday Card I had giffen you, and pointed out that I spelled ~~luv~~ ~~luff~~ LOVE rong, I was huemilleyated! There arr sum words I CAN spel rite. Like SCRUE YOU.

***
Tytle bye: amazingcookie
Sturry bye: Nick

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