Buy the ORIGINAL or PRINTS of this Sophia drawing, or get my book The Liberation of Sophia that has all 59 drawings and meditations.

Envision, Plan, and Make Your Escape

(Before I begin, I want to make a very clear disclaimer: There are some, especially women, who are in extremely abusive relationships. The level of life-threatening danger is very real. The steps they must take for their personal freedom are incredibly risky and treacherous. Extreme caution is advised and understood.)

My Sophia series is the story of my soul feeling trapped on its journey to feeling free. Sophia, Greek for “wisdom”, is my treacherous but necessary journey to spiritual independence. I am pleased that so many people, especially women, identify with her because it captures their own journeys as well. Many feel trapped, not just in religion or its institutions, but in unhealthy relationships, bad jobs, or other unhappy circumstances. There are so many people who are sadly oppressed and living under the control, power, manipulation, and even abuse of others. Sophia is a young woman who makes her escape. It takes courage, good timing, luck, blessing, whatever… for things to work out. But over time I’ve noticed similarities in peoples’ stories of why they aren’t escaping. I know these intimately because I’ve experienced each one of these.

Here they are:

1. “I shouldn’t!” Maybe you feel like you have to stay in a bad relationship. Maybe you feel like you can’t leave the church because you shouldn’t forsake the assembling of themselves together. Maybe you feel like you can’t leave your spouse because it’s a sin to divorce. Maybe you feel like you can’t quit your job because it’s faithless to stop serving your boss as if you’re serving the Lord and turning the other cheek and suffering for Jesus.

When you go against what you’ve been taught in these situations, at first you will feel guilty. But in time you realize you were being handled by an ideology that was created precisely with the intention of keeping you subservient. Once you develop an attitude of defiance, you see that these concepts of staying in church, staying in a marriage, and staying in a job even if they’re bad for you  were created to keep you there and maintain social stability. If you’re being hurt, controlled, or even overruled, then it is your right and responsibility to sue for peace, fight for freedom, and establish your independence. I now know that the rules the church used were fear tactics to keep me there.

2. “I can’t!” Perhaps you are so oppressed that you feel you’ve lost every ounce of strength it would take to set yourself free. You like the idea of freedom, but you don’t have the power to achieve it. You are tired, discouraged, and disheartened. You feel paralyzed and hopeless. You just don’t think you have what it takes to escape.

Yes, you do! You wouldn’t believe the strength that wells up within you once you set foot on the path of freedom. The depression and sense of paralysis your oppression gives you cannot be the gauge you use to determine what strength you have for your freedom. They come from different springs. As soon as you make the decision that you are going to be free, a new kind of energy will suddenly well up within you and give you all the strength you need to achieve it. I know this from personal experience. Feeling completely beat down by years of struggling against the machine and feeling like I didn’t have what it takes to be free, suddenly, one night in a flash of decision, I knew I was going to escape. I suddenly felt a renewed strength and had a vision of how I was going to do it. And I did! I was a new man with renewed strength.

3. “I won’t!” Some of you count the cost of your escape and realize that it might be too great. According to the biblical story, Israel pined for their slavery in Egypt again because at least there they had leeks and onions. Yes, they paid for their food with their very lives. Their bodies were grist in the mills of the Egyptian regime. But at least they had security! Like so many, you may stay in an oppressive church, relationship, or job because there are trade-offs. There are benefits. I understand this. For example, when I left an large, international ministry, I understood I was giving up a good salary, good friends, and a sense of purpose that I was heavily invested in. It was extremely difficult to give that up. The sacrifice was huge.

But the Israelites could trade up leeks and onions for milk and honey. I know this is true for so many people who give up the perks of an unhappy situation. What you get from your own freedom and independence is far greater and far more satisfying. There is something much richer about feeding yourself good food than being fed mediocre food. After escaping from several unhappy situations and relationships, looking back now I realize I did the right thing. Sure, I had to spend some time wandering through the desert to get here. But I’m far happier now than I’ve ever been. It was worth the trip! That’s because I took the risk of turning in a fair life for an amazing one.

4. “I wish!” You would really like to escape, but just can’t see how to do it. Like Sophia in this image, she finds a trap door underneath the straw in her cell. While her captors are playing their games, she makes her escape. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a trap door suddenly revealed itself to you and you could slip away that easily? But your oppressed life is so limited, restricted, controlled, and confined that you simply can’t see a way out. Your oppressor has made you so dependent that you can’t even imagine a life without them. You would love a trap door to magically appear, but it sounds too good to be true.

In fact, if you look for it, often it will appear just in that way. Almost magically! That’s how it happened for me Every. Single. Time. Once, I felt so hopelessly trapped that I simply could not figure out what to do and fell into an overwhelming depression. Trapped! Then one night I had a dream in which a way out was shown to me. The next day I felt like a free man, started acting like it, and took the steps revealed to me in my dream. Within a couple of weeks it was finished and I had a new lease on life! Lisa and I look back on that time as one of the most exciting and adventurous of our entire marriage. But… that’s happened to me many times now because I believe freedom is my right, and often what is best manifests itself to us when we look for it, welcome it, and take it. Often, we have to want it bad it enough for us to see it. And see it we will!

5. “I’m scared!” It is very scary to be free. I know! It means being independent. Autonomous. It means no longer depending on your handlers for all your needs. It means being elf-reliant. Often, with some churches, relationships, or jobs, they carefully construct it so that you can’t imagine life without them. In fact, they share horror stories about those who’ve tried to escape only to end up in the arms of Satan, another abusive lover, or alone, in a worse job, or even unemployed and living on the street. The threats are always the same: spiritual, relational, and financial devastation and destruction.

DON’T BELIEVE THEM! They are lying. Just like the existence of witches concocted to keep you out of the woods, they are lies told to keep you compliant. It’s hard for the mind to dismiss these threats and monsters because we believed in them. They were very real to us. It’s terrifying! But once you get past the fear and travel over the land that was supposed to be haunted and you realize nothing is there but legends, then your courage will grow, your wisdom will revive, and you will enjoy your newfound freedom and independence. You will, as I have, find a new level of wealth in your spirituality, your relationships, and even your life, even if it takes some time to get there.

I hope this helps some of you who feel trapped and want to escape. Trust me: I’ve been trapped many times, and I’ve escaped every time. I’m free. I’m independent.

And you can be too!

(Our online community, The Lasting Supper, is entirely made up of escape artists: people who’ve escaped or are in the process of escaping from unhealthy churches, relationships, jobs, and other unhappy situations. Join us!)

There have been many times in my life when I’ve felt completely trapped.

Let me share one example.

It was my job. I was a pastor of a church and I hated it. But, I could see no escape. I had to work to support my family. I was only educated, experienced, and trained as a pastor. What else could I do? I sank into hopelessness and despair.

Then one night I had a dream, a very simple dream, and upon waking I saw as clear as the rising sun that I wasn’t trapped at all. I was totally free.

So I quit!

You see, what made me think I was trapped was actually my fear of the costs of my freedom. I wasn’t trapped at all! I was just afraid of the risks of exercising my freedom.

Yes, I was working the career I had specifically prepared for. Yes, I was receiving a paycheck. Yes, I had a reputation as a pretty decent pastor. Yes, I was totally committed. But I was afraid of losing my sense of vocation, purpose, and calling. I was afraid of not having money. I was afraid of not having a good pension plan. I was afraid of losing my reputation. I was afraid of throwing my years of education, training, and experience out the window. I was afraid of being homeless. I was afraid of endangering my family to financial uncertainty.

When I awakened from that dream, it became crystal clear to me: I was totally free to quit, but I was only afraid of the uncertainty, instability, and threat this would invite.

This is true for most situations where we truly believe we are trapped.

Let’s say you’re in a bad relationship. Same deal! You might think you’re trapped, and all the signs are there to confirm your belief. But when you peek inside the belief, you may actually see that you are free to walk. What’s really holding you back is your fear of the risk, the cost, and the extremely hard work of being a free person.

Perhaps you feel trapped in your church and even in your religious beliefs. The same rule applies. You’re not trapped! The bars restraining you are actually your own thoughts… thoughts of the price of walking away from it all. It is expensive! I know. I’ve paid the fee many times.

But I want to tell you something very clearly: it’s worth it. Every single penny!

It comes down to this simple question: Would you rather be paid to be trapped, or would you rather pay a hefty sum to live free?

And here’s the final word: the total sum is already in your own pocket!

(If you want support for this with a community of freedom-seekers, join The Lasting Supper!)

You can find biblical endorsement for almost anything.

And people do.

Which confirms my suspicion that we already know what we want and look for permission anywhere we can.

The bible is used as a rubber stamp of approval on almost everything.

This is why it is so important to examine our beliefs, our thoughts, and see where their roots lie. Until we realize that our minds’ main concern is with self-preservation, protecting the organism, and that our thoughts are emanations of this, we will continue to blindly believe whatever we believe, plus find endorsement for it.

If you desire transformation, true transformation, it urgently requires a change of mind.

(*** If you want a place to do this with support and mutual respect, join The Lasting Supper.)

I was stuck. On the ground. Unable to fly freely.

Then I asked a question: “Is the bible really the inspired, inerrant word of God?”

That was so many years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.

I felt something shift. It was very unsettling because I’d been stuck on the ground for so long.

Other questions started to join themselves to me.

Questions like,

“If that’s not true, then can this be true?”

“If the other thoughts I believe hinge on this one belief that I no longer believe, then how can they still be true?”

“Is what is real and true jeopardized by me not believing this thought anymore?”

“If my question is genuine and sincere, why would God be upset with that?”

“What beliefs are actually mine, and what beliefs have I adopted that I really don’t believe?”

“How extensively have I been conditioned to believe what I believe?”

“What beliefs can I let go without dying the moment I do so?”

Not only did things start shifting, but I felt myself beginning to experience a kind of freedom I never had before. Odd: the more questions I asked the freer I felt.

Actually, what questions did was reveal to me that I had always been free. I was free and didn’t know it. It wasn’t answers, but questions that freed me. Questions exposed the illusion that I was bound by the limitations my thoughts imposed on me. Once those limitations were betrayed, I began to rise up and exercise my freedom.

The more questions I asked the more free I realized I already was.

So… Ask! You’re free to do so.

(*** Do you have questions? Join other beautiful questioners at The Lasting Supper. We’ll personally welcome you into our dynamic community of mutual respect. We will honor your questions because they are your ticket to your personal freedom! ***)

BUY a PRINT or the ORIGINAL PAINTING with or without words HERE.

I remember many years ago in my early attempts at meditation to become one with the all.

There were moments. Just moments.

I recall so clearly sitting in the woods meditating on a beautiful sunny day. I was about twenty minutes in when all of a sudden a bluejay called out just above my head. It startled me while at the same time jolting me into a kind of blissful state of awareness. It was deeply profound, and I wished that moment would last. However, experience taught me that it would eventually fade… maybe even before I walked out of the forest.

I continuously failed to carry these moments with me. Or, rather, I failed to extend these moments into my way of seeing and living on a continuous basis.

Then I read a book by Ken Wilbur that clarified something for me. He says there are states, and then there are stages. At first, we may experience sublime states of insight. Although these may not last, we may carry the residue of these into our daily lives, remembering what we saw and experienced and came to understand in that flash of insight. When we leave our meditations and enter into the fray of life we can recall what we have come to know, get in touch with it again and again as we need, and live improved lives.

We should not give up our efforts to not only see that we are one with all things, so that eventually we may come to the place where we know, deep within, and experience it constantly. Perpetually. Always. When we get to this point, we’ve arrived at a different stage of spirituality.

So, like this woman in the painting who wants to carry this feeling of oneness and peace with her into her daily life, if she persists, she will eventually get to the place where she will embody this oneness, it will fill her mind, and it will change her life.

The peace of mind that comes and goes, is at once accessible then evades, will gradually become a stable state of being.

I know this from experience.

Like the sun that rises and sets, so does peace of mind. But one day, without warning and as a total surprise and as a kind of gift, that peace of mind, will rise and settle in the mind and remain as day without end. Oh, we may still experience the vacillating pulses of life, but we live as transformed within this experience.

Even though no clear answers or solutions to life’s problems necessarily present themselves, you finally understand. You are finally at peace with the mystery of all that is. And that wonderful peace of mind becomes an established state of being.

I invite you to join others who get what I’m talking about at The Lasting Supper… a community that provides a place for you to seek and find your own spiritual path. Check us out HERE.

GET THIS PRINT

We’ve seen in the past where the church failed to take a stand against wrong and ended up on the wrong side of history.

We’re seeing it again.

I’m disappointed in the general church’s response as a whole, especially from some very visible evangelical leaders. What concerns me is that it isn’t just a jockeying for power, but also clear ideological alignments with all kinds of injustices.

But, I’m very grateful for those in the church who are speaking out and taking a clear stand against evil.

GET THIS PRINT!

This is when my deconstruction really began. It was in seminary in 1983 when I was about to graduate with my Masters in Theological Studies. My firm belief in the inspiration of scripture was pulled. Little did I know that this would start a series of collapses in the rest of my beliefs. My whole theology, over the many years, eroded to the point in 2009 I was ready to throw in the towel and give up altogether. But that’s where it began.

I have a friend for whom the creation story was the deal breaker. I have another friend for whom the lack of LGBTQ rights in the church killed it for her. And so on.

Then, in 2009, I had a dream that delivered to me the peace of mind I’d been searching for for decades.

Did I throw away the blocks?
Did I reject the meaning these symbols we call beliefs attempted to articulate?
Or did they alchemize into something more pure and true?

I facilitate an online community called The Lasting Supper full of people who know exactly what I’m talking about. Come and join us. I’ll personally welcome you.

And, you can read more about my journey in my book Questions are the Answer.

GET THIS PRINT!

OWN THIS CARTOON!

The CruciFiction:

I was just a young boy, not yet a teenager, sitting on a bleacher in an abandoned ball field, surrounded by my friends.

One had just been to church. So I guess it was a Sunday. He shared what he learned that day, and he had us spellbound with the relaying of apocalyptic words.

The preacher had peddled in the book of Revelation, successfully scaring my friend to death, who in turn scared us to death.

The impression I was left with was that the best of the forces of good and the worst of the forces of evil would finally engage in all out war, releasing creatures and demons and angels and monsters into the agonized world ruled by intelligent but wicked men who would overthrow everything and anything that was established. It didn’t seem to matter what side I was on, for we were all going to die.

Never would I have imagined it would come down to a sandbox struggle between the sensitive egos of petty men with undeserved access to catastrophic codes.

OWN THIS CARTOON!

A friend of my son’s dropped by the other day. She had a cool t-shirt on that said “The Future is Female!”

I liked it.