“Sheep’s Clothing” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I do remember when the Emergent movement was gaining ground and speed. I remember when I started seeing books from Emergent authors being read. It was an exciting time of exploration. It was cool to see people endeavoring to think outside the box and explore new ways to think, be, and gather as Christians.

But now I think it has settled, staked its claims, drawing boundaries, building fences, and establishing its laws. It has lost its pioneer spirit.

No matter how beautiful and beneficial a movement is, and no matter how impressive and influential a person is, no movement and no person is immune from the temptations that come with any territory. Greed, ambition, selfishness, jealousy, lust, lying, favoritism, dissension, hatred, competition… you name it… all these are at the doorstep.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing! Bad-intentioned people infiltrating well-intentioned ones. Basically, it means that wherever you feel you are safe and in good company, someone there might just turn on you and devour you. The same person who loved you yesterday just may reject you today.

Personally, I think it would be wise for all those who are or used to be associated with the Emergent movement to admit where they have behaved more like wolves so that trust can be rebuilt and people can move on to healthier places. It’s good to admit where you were wrong.

For me, I am determined to trust. Oh, I want discernment. I want to be brutally honest with what I see and hear in other people… what I see and hear between the lines. But I want to trust. Most people mean well. Most people are good. This is what I choose to believe. I understand they could turn in an instant. But until then I will choose to trust and enjoy the moment.

I’m not settling. The pioneer spirit is casting me further into the wilderness again.

Anyone with me?

I know members of The Lasting Supper are. You are welcomed to join us. CHECK US OUT HERE.

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“Gay Stoning” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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Killing someone is a way to remove someone from our lives for whatever reason. In the Old Testament stoning was a way to punish sinners and remove them from the community.

We can call it scapegoating.

We may not use stoning to remove or separate people from our community, but we can use words and policies. They have the same effect of removing them from us.

We’d like to think we’ve progressed the violence of the Old Testament. But have we?

I believe that often those who commit suicide because they’ve been ostracized and alienated because of their sexuality or orientation or for any reason are showing us that in reality we have murdered them already, and they’re just finishing it and making it manifest physically.

We should be moving away from exclusion to inclusion.

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“Shares her Experience” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I know this is true because I have friends who’ve heard these things said when they share their experiences of harassment, abuse, or assault. There’s even more that has been said to them but I ran out of room, like “I don’t see any signs, like cuts or bruises!”

You can see it all over the news. These things are said all the time.

Again, I simply quote Anita Sarkeesian, who said that one of the most radical things you can do to help women who have been harassed is to “actually believe women when they talk about their experiences.”

So that’s what I do.

You?

Join The Lasting Supper. We’ll believe you when you talk about your experiences.

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“Don’t Tap Out” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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For me, the area I need to be steadfast in and not give up is simply keeping all the comment up on this blog post.

Yes, there’s been a lot of pressure to either take the whole thing down, hide the comments, edit the comments, or delete some comments, and then publicly apologize for the whole thing. Not just tap out, but recant.

I love creating and providing space for people to share their experiences. That, to me, is a sacred right. But it is always being challenged.

I won’t tap out!

nakedpastor is a very public forum. So I created a private online community called The Lasting Supper where people can share their experiences and get support without worrying about the wrong people seeing it. I invite you to join us!

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“R.I.P. Marcus Borg” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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Marcus Borg died yesterday.

The first time I heard of Marcus Borg was in seminary. I went to the very evangelical seminary Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. So to say that Borg wasn’t highly favored would be an understatement.

At the time the Jesus Seminar was at the height of its influence. They used small colored balls to vote on the historicity of the deeds and sayings of Jesus. If I remember correctly, the black ball was a vote indicating that the deed or saying was not historical. We would scoff the seminar as “blackballing Jesus”.

I’d never even read Borg.

Until I entered the severest period of deconstruction. I read his collaboration with N. T. Wright in The Meaning of Jesus: Two Visions (Plus). I appreciated Borg’s arguments. Then I read The Heart of Christianity: Rediscovering a Life of Faith, and I realized  I appreciated the way he articulated my journey.

One of the things I admired about him most was his willingness to say “I don’t know!” Here’s a quote:

“So, is there an afterlife, and if so, what will it be like? I don’t have a clue. But I am confident that the one who has buoyed us up in life will also buoy us up through death. We die into God. What more that means, I do not know. But that is all I need to know.”

So when I say “willful ignorance”, I mean his willingness to admit he didn’t know. His willingness to embrace mystery. What I’ve learned is that this is not a cop out. In fact, I claim that insisting it is so or it is not so may actually be the cop out, the unwillingness to enter darkness, to not know, to embrace mystery.

In any profession, it takes courage to say I don’t know. But especially in today’s theological climate of certainty, it’s very risky to do so.

Hm. If I’ve got this right, when the Buddha was asked if there was a soul, he taught the middle path where one embraces that there is a soul and there is not a soul. We don’t insist one way or the other. We paradoxically walk between them.

This middle path is not a passive path, but a very active, insightful and wise path that provokes significant change in our minds and transformation in our lives.

I think Borg understood this, and I appreciate him for that.

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“Inordinate Adoration” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I wrote a post the other day on the privileges of power that got a lot of attention. I suppose this cartoon is in the same vein.

The word “may” is in the title intentionally because not all leaders are like this. But they seem rare these days.

There have been many leaders I’ve served, at first willingly and gladly, whom, over time, made it clear that I wasn’t there to grow into my own gifts and calling, but to kiss their asses so they could grow into theirs.

Even now, working independently, there are leaders out there who expect this kind of adoration from me because they get it from others.

Also, there are people who get really offended if you don’t join in on the ass-kissing exercises they engage in with their favorite leader.

Ass-kissing is behind me.

How about you?

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“Talking Gibberish” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I read R. L. Stollar’s post yesterday, What It Means to Take Abuse Seriously. It’s a must read. And it inspired today’s cartoon. Thanks Mr. Stollar.

I’ve learned a lot this last year about how the abused share their experiences and how they are received.

Many people immediately dismiss the message because of the medium it is delivered in:

• usually in the shape of a woman
• frequently upset
• often emotionally charged
• sometimes hysterical
• mostly uncorroborated
• generally unbelievable
• always disturbing

Here is a relevant quote from my favorite philosopher alive, Slavoj Žižek, in his work, Violence: Six Sideways Reflections (Big Ideas/Small Books):

“A dispassionate conceptual development of the typology of violence must by definition ignore its traumatic impact. Yet there is a sense in which a cold analysis of violence somehow reproduces and participates in its horror. A distinction needs to be made, as well, between (factual) truth and truthfulness: what renders a report of a raped woman (or any other narrative of a trauma) truthful is its very factual unreliability, its confusion, its inconsistency. If the victim were able to report on her painful and humiliating experience in a clear manner, with all the data arranged in a consistent order, this very quality would make us suspicious of its truth.”

When people share with me their stories of abuse, I believe them. Do you?

Consider joining our community The Lasting Supper, where we will believe you when you share your experiences.

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“The Privilege of Power” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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(*** Disclaimer: I am a white, middle-class, cis-gendered male who enjoys and can take advantage of these privileges I’m about to describe. I can’t help but write from my perspective. However, I do try to write as if from the shoes of the marginalized, the abused, the victims and the survivors. I try to do a new cartoon and post every day, so this post is written, some would say, in haste. But I hope it starts to convey the dangers of which I try to speak. I welcome responses that not only confirm, but challenge, correct, or complete what I say.)

I hear a lot of stories about abuse from victims and survivors. In fact, I think more and more of us are going to in the future because of the accessibility of the internet. Many of you will assume that this post has been inspired by my now infamous blog post and ensuing comments, Tony Jones on Mark Driscoll: What Came First, the Thug or the Theology? I would like to suggest to you that this is only partially true, because what I’m observing and trying to articulate is a pattern, and that post is only a piece of a very large, intricate and developing puzzle.

There is a story I want to tell you before I begin. It is very personal, and I’m embarrassed to tell you this, but I must because this is what jolted me into learning about the privileges of power. I was ordained as a minister in the Presbyterian Church in Canada in 1986 and served that church until 1995 when I left. When I left the ministry then I had no intentions of returning. I was suddenly a layman. Long story short, Lisa and I were looking for a church where we could just relax, get healed and renewed, and restore our passion and enjoy Christian community. We visited a Vineyard church. I asked if we could meet with the pastor before we came. He agreed. When we arrived, I learned the pastor was on vacation and the assistant pastor said he would meet with me. I was insulted that the lead pastor didn’t show me the respect I thought I deserved and keep his appointment with me. Through my conversation with his assistant, it became very clear that there was no respect for me as a minister and that, indeed, I was just another person visiting their church. I suddenly realized I had no influence. I was used to being called “Reverend” and treated with respect. I enjoyed benefits. Even favoritism. Not here. At this church, I was a nobody. I realized I didn’t have any advantages, and that I was really starting from scratch all over again with no investment, no equity, no favors. When Lisa and I left that church, I was struck by how stripped I felt of all advantages, benefits and privileges. But more than that, I was alarmed by how hurt I was, how offended, and how insulted I felt. These feelings were repugnant to me. They were ugly and I was ashamed, so I decided to face the ugly truth. In a flash I saw, because they were now revoked, how I had enjoyed the privileges of power and taken them for granted.

So when I speak of power, I’m speaking from experience. I’m also speaking generally about anyone who enjoys the following privileges. Some can say I’m really talking about influence or the size of someone’s sphere of influence. This may be true, but it doesn’t change the pattern. I am going to use myself as an illustrative example of this dynamic, pretending that I have abused my wife Lisa in some way. I’m going to sound like a real male pig sometimes. Forgive me, but it is for the sake of my argument.

So, here are some of the privileges of power that I can think of. Those in power have:

1. A SET OF SKILLS: Those who have power have been endowed with a certain set of skills that they have developed over their lifetime and often their careers. This is the power of persuasion. So let’s take me, for instance. I started to learn how to persuade people as a child. I could talk articulately. Even lie convincingly. As a teenager I lead youth groups. I became a preacher and teacher for over 30 years, who’s primary job seemed to be to change minds and convince people to believe me. So let’s say I abuse my wife Lisa. Lisa is a nurse in a palliative care home. She quietly cares for the dying. She doesn’t like speaking publicly. She doesn’t have the personality that desires to change minds or persuade people to her way of thinking. Plus her whole raison d’être doesn’t require it. If the story leaks, when I tell my side of the story I have a certain set of skills that can persuade you to believe me. Lisa may share her side, but it may not have the same persuasive power. Where I may often say things to influence people, she doesn’t have that same drive. She will just quietly and gently tell her story, but only to a trusted few who she cares what they think of her. But because of her lack of need to persuade, especially strangers, her version may not have the same appeal. She might not understand, like I do, that spinning a personal experience is more important than the experience itself. If this were to really happen and I need to persuade you that my version is the true one, I know that I should sound reasonable, humble, calm, cautiously explicit but in a respectful way, articulate, and in control but the real victim here. On the other hand, Lisa would probably not employ those same rhetorical skills. In fact, if she acted out of character and tried to publicly tell her horrific tale of abuse, she might sound unpracticed, unprepared, unreasonable, angry, hysterical, out of control, inarticulate, and mean. My hope would be that my impression of poise would trump her impression of instability.
2. A CACOPHONY OF CONNECTIONS: What many in power take for granted is the endless connections they enjoy. On the one hand they’ve earned them. On the other hand they are a privilege. I suppose I’m talking about resources. Again, let’s take me as an example. I used to pastor a well-known Vineyard church and have many connections in that movement. Through years of blogging and posting on all kinds of social media outlets, I have made a lot of significant connections with thousands of people. I have nurtured these connections with personal correspondence, some of whom are famous. I’ve written four books and am working on my fifth and have received endorsements from many Christian celebrities. My cartoons appear in a lot of books, journals, magazines, blogs, and all kinds of other media and I have a relationship with all who used them and maybe even with their readers. I’m popular! I’m not bragging. I’m just pointing out that I have thousands of connections, and some of them are to very influential people. So, let’s say I abused Lisa and the story leaks. To tell and get support for my version of the story, I can immediately pick up the phone, write an email, or post it on all my social media and thousands of my fans see it. They have no reason to disbelieve me. I could also cry for help and immediately get free legal advice, professional counseling, collaboration from popular journalists and writers, a ton of personal support throughout the ordeal, and maybe even financial help. Lisa, on the other hand, is a very private person who avoids publicity. She has a total of 160 friends on Facebook. Period. And most of them are real friends… family, buddies, co-workers, and such, and none of them, as far as I know, have any influence, especially in the world that matters most to me: mine! Before she even gets up in the morning I already have thousands of supporters. She could try all she wants, but she would never be able to match that. If her story did slip past someone’s eyes, they would already have seen my well vetted and collaborated story, and their first reaction might be, “Who is this crazy woman?” I guess I would get tons of sympathy where Lisa would get tons of questions.
3. PLENTY OF PLATFORMS: One of the most powerful privileges those with influence enjoy is the number of platforms they have at their disposal where they can tell their story. If I was an abusive husband to Lisa and I was a pastor, for example, I would have my endless connections, my “church” (in this case my online community The Lasting Supper), my social media outlets, my publications, my audio-visual productions, my speaking events, the platforms of my friends that they would loan me, and more. They are tools that I use automatically without even thinking about it. If I want to get my story out there, they would function like a blitzkrieg of information for all my friends, fans and followers. I have a popular blog nakedpastor that has thousands of fans. Over 100,000 people see my work every month. I have nearly 5,000 friends on my personal Facebook page, almost 10,000 fans on my nakedpastor page, almost 10,000 followers on Twitter, and thousands more on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, LinkedIn and GooglePlus. I have a small but growing mailing list. I also have an online community of nearly 400 people who love and support me daily. I have taken years to earn these by blogging and posting and currying connections every day for ten years. Plus, I could employ my connections with influential people to have them share my version on all their outlets. My story would spread like a virus across all kinds of platforms. This gives the impression of credibility. What does Lisa have at her disposal? Just her Facebook page! Or, if she was stupid enough or had the guts, she might tell her side of the story in a comment on someone’s blog post. Most people would wonder why she’s telling such a private story in such a public place. Many would think it was a sign of desperation and highly inappropriate. They wouldn’t realize, and maybe Lisa wouldn’t either until it’s too late, that I am fighting a war for public approval and will win. I know that if my story gets published by authorized people and authorized publications, that it lends incredible credibility to my case. Just by the sheer volume of the availability of platforms, my story gets all the official publicity and would therefore seem most true. Lisa’s story, then, because it only appears in inappropriate, unauthorized, and unconventional places, would seem random, insignificant, and therefore probably not accurate. My authorized story is endorsed by authorized friends through authorized news channels in a morning, whereas she has nothing but recourse to private relationships, records and documents, if she has them, but that she will be required to produce to corroborate and substantiate her unbelievable story.
4. THE LUXURY OF LEEWAY: Most leaders don’t realize they enjoy this luxury, but they are granted more leeway than those who don’t have influence or aren’t as important as they are. Because of the internet, we are seeing just how much those in power can get away with. Yes, we give leaders wider berth. It’s because we subscribe to the notion that their job is more important then their character. We look past the wife-beating because he’s such a great actor. We look past the drug-abuse because he gets things done. We look past the bullying because people are getting saved. We look past the deception because he’s an influential theologian. A celebrity has a greater chance of getting a warning for driving while intoxicated than a twenty-one year old college woman in a scoop neck tee and short skirt. Pastors and preachers, like politicians and other celebrities, are constantly forgiven for embellishment, exaggeration, and expressions of egotism. But we turn a blind eye to this because we just accept that this is how those in power operate. In fact, we might even chuckle at the ridiculousness of their behavior because sometimes it’s kind of cute. Men get away with stuff because, well, “He is just a man after all.” I recently heard about a pastor who had an affair. I was immediately informed that his wife struggled with a disorder, and I just knew that people jumped to the conclusion that the husband was unhappy at home and in bed and, being just a man, looked for love elsewhere. This is how the world works. So if I abused Lisa, I suspect that there will be enough people who, if they get a whiff of the story, will look past it, or ignore it, or disregard it, or forgive me and let it go, or dismiss it, because they appreciate the work I’m doing. My hope is that they would realize I’m just a man with my own needs, and that sometimes in moments of weakness I do bad things just like they do. I would accept some responsibility, but I will somehow portray myself as a victim who acted out of my own deep need for love and understanding, and that I was desperately trying to stay alive personally and professionally. I would also suggest that to take me down would be to take down the important mission I’m on, and we don’t want that. I would also remind people to not believe false reports, but if they did they should forgive me so I could get back to my calling. I think most people would because I already have a space in their heads and hearts. Lisa, on the other hand, is unknown to them so she has no leeway. She has absolutely no space in their heads or hearts, and it is very difficult to get there if she sounds hurt and hysterical.

There are many more, but I think these are the main privileges of power. It is so subtle, but it is also so obvious if you are even slightly aware of them. My observation is that most people with this power aren’t even aware of it. It’s like air to them… something they don’t even have to think about. It’s just there to enjoy and take advantage of every moment of every day unconsciously. I know this personally because, like I said, I enjoy these privileges and can take advantage of them, as I occasionally have. I’m not saying leaders shouldn’t have these privileges, but that they should be aware of them and use them properly and justly, always remembering they have an advantage over the marginalized, including the victims of their own abusive behaviors. In fact, they should use this power on behalf of the marginalized to prevent further abuse.

In closing, I just want to suggest that even the way I wrote this betrays a privilege of power. Because this is my platform, not Lisa’s. Sometimes in this post I wrote as if I abused Lisa. I hope you can see for yourself that Lisa appears here as a kind of shadow. She’s not the main character. I am! Just by the sheer volume of words and how I used them places me firmly in the spotlight and escorts Lisa into the shadowy sidelines. Even in the way I told this story, I have assumed center stage while she is hardly even in the theater. I loom large and my story gets heard and maybe even applauded while she gets ushered behind the curtain and may even get booed for trying to disrupt my program.

Yes, this is how power works.

I’d love to hear what you think about this.

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“Authority” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I do remember the days when I bowed down to authority like the poor people in this cartoon are doing. I did it because it I was told it was required of me. Gradually, I began to see that this was a way to keep me submissive, a tool for the leader’s benefit.

This happens all the time, and I’ve seen a lot of it. Then one day I saw it happen in such a graphic way. The followers were all over him, so needy and begging for his love and attention and grace. He was taking it all in, bathing in his own glory.

Many leaders, including Christian ones, assume that you should adore them and assume that you know this and assume that you will display this adoration without question. I think most of them aren’t aware of this dynamic. It’s one of the silent privileges of power that is just taken for granted and many people abide by. Not me. No longer. I intend to write more about this.

As for that day, many years ago… that was the day I knew my unquestioning respect for and admiration of authority was done.

It was finished.

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“Inflatable Church” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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It’s one thing to work fruitfully for a community. Somehow you know that you’re investing in good things, even if they aren’t immediately tangible.

It’s another thing to be busily working to fulfill the fantasies of someone, the fruit of which are not meant for you or the community to enjoy, but the leader.

Hopefully people learn that frantically pumping to fill a meaningless void with noise is wasted effort.

But contributing to a healthy, functional and fulfilling community… now that’s worth the effort!

(We put a lot of work into The Lasting Supper, our online community, and thankfully the fruit are immediately enjoyed! Please join us!)

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