My Super-Charged Life

Being a Good Steward: Its About More Than Money

Jeff — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 12:00:20 +0000

Are you a good steward?

Stewardship is accepting personal responsibility for taking care of something entrusted to us. When you hear someone talking about being a good steward, you probably think they are talking about money.

It is no doubt very important to be a good steward over our personal finances. In fact, I tend to think it would be nice to do so well with my finances that one day I consider myself rich. If, of course, I have the right frame of mind about wealth.

However, there is a lot more to being a good steward than just money. It is impossible to live life to the fullest while ignoring this fact.

Be a Good Steward Over Your WHOLE Life

Regular people live multi-faceted lives. We have a lot entrusted to our care. We can shirk this responsibility and suffer the consequences or we can step up and do our best.

Living life to the fullest requires us to look at our life as a whole. You can’t just succeed in one area and expect everything to work out happily ever after. You’ve got to be a good steward over all of it.

Sure, we are going to concentrate more heavily in one area or another from time to time. This is called focus and it is crucial to success. However, we have to pull back once in awhile and make sure everything else is still on track. If we don’t, the results can be disastrous.

Here are the areas of life where we need to be a good steward:

1. Ourselves

Some might think this suggestion, that we need to take care of ourselves first, goes against the whole idea of being a good steward. They might say this is selfish. However, I’d say there is a difference between being selfish and self-invested. We are the best stewards when we are well-rested, healthy, nourished and mentally sharp. In other words, when we’ve taken good care of ourselves first.

Ali Hale wrote an article for Pick The Brain called Why It’s Not Selfish to Put Yourself First, where she suggests that acting in our own best interests involves four areas:

Physical Needs – things like getting enough sleep and exercise
Emotional Needs – things like asking for support when you need it
Mental Needs – things like having a stimulating job
Spiritual Needs – things like taking time to meditate or pray

I agree with Ali. When you take care of yourself, then you are in a better position to help others. You simply cannot give someone a thirst-quenching drink from a bone-dry cup.

2. Our Relationships

Our marriages, in particular, need a lot of tender loving care. They need our attentive stewardship. Are you giving your partner what they really need and want? We put our best foot forward when we are dating, but we often let our guard down when we get married. This goes for men and women. It is easy to get just a little too relaxed.

When was the last time that you wrote your spouse a truly awesome romantic love letter? How surprised and thrilled would they be if you did this for them this week? It isn’t Valentine’s Day or your anniversary or anything else, but you can really make it special if you take just a few moments to express in writing everything that’s in your heart.

If you need some more ideas for how to take care of your most important relationship, then take a look at How to Improve Marriage and Slow Down Life at the Same Time. Of course, it isn’t just your marriage that needs good stewardship, but I’ll leave it to you to apply some of these same principles in your friendships and other relationships.

3. Our Children and Elders

Have you ever stopped to ponder the amazing responsibility we have in raising our children? As parents, we set the beginning course for our children’s lives. Let’s face it, it is very hard to win a race if you get off to a bad start. I am really almost overwhelmed when I think of all the important things that I want to teach my daughters about life. There is not a moment to waste! I must be a great steward in this area if I want my daughters to realize their best life too.

Of course, it isn’t just our children that we need to be a good steward over. Many of us are caught in the sandwich generation. We have children we are raising and parents that are starting to need our assistance as well. I believe we have a moral and ethical responsibility to help our parents the best we can as they grow older. After all, they invested a lot into us not so long ago.

4. Our Natural Resources and Environment

I love the great outdoors. I love being in beautiful natural surroundings. It energizes me. It reawakens me to being alive and strong. It gives me a sense of connectedness and vitality. I feel better right now just thinking about it even though I am sitting in an office in the city.

Even though the outdoors means so much to me, I’m still not a radical environmentalist. Some of these groups and individuals have just taken things entirely too far. However, I do believe we have to be good stewards over nature. We also need to set the example for planetary stewardship for our kids.

It saddens me when I hear what we are doing to our oceans and forests. It is both arrogant and ignorant of us to think we can continue our bad behavior without any repercussions. The solutions aren’t easy, but we must move toward better stewardship.

5. The Jobs and Businesses that Support Us

We rely on our jobs or businesses to provide us the income necessary to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. However, we often aren’t very grateful for what we have. We take them for granted and trash talk our employers or clients.

Many people feel trapped in their job. They complain and gripe constantly. They also put forward less than their best effort. This is poor stewardship and it is abominable. If this is you, then I’d highly recommend reading Why You Hate Work by Scott Young to help change your attitude.

Jobs and customers are not as plentiful as they once were. We need to hang on to what we have and make them satisfying. We do this by becoming good stewards over our jobs and businesses.

6. Our Finances and Possessions

Finally, we’ll wrap up with where we started. It is important to be a good steward over our money and possessions. I do this so I have more to give others. This adds purpose and meaning to my life which is a huge part of living life to the fullest.

Being buried in debt and stressed out about money is no way to live. It just doesn’t offer you the freedom needed to choose the best life has to offer. Formulate a better vision for your life and take the steps necessary to realize your full potential. Become a good steward of your money!

Be a Good Steward to Get the Most Out of Life

Being a good steward over our whole life liberates us to pursue our life purpose more passionately. It ensures we’ll have the health, happiness and resources necessary to really live a full and rewarding life. It is out there for you. It is within your reach! Become a good steward over your life and you will start to reap all the rewards life has to offer!

In what other areas of life do we need to be good stewards?

Photo by alfonso benayas

Giveaway: Win a Free HP iPaq Glisten Smartphone

Jeff — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:00:08 +0000

Want to win a free smartphone?

I am pleased to announce that HP and AT&T have partnered to offer me one of their HP iPaq Glisten Smartphones to give away to one lucky reader.

As usual, I have made it incredibly easy to win this nifty device, but first let me share with you a few details about the Glisten Smartphone.

HP iPaq Glisten Smartphone Features

The HP iPAQ Glisten is a stylish, 3G smartphone designed for on-the-go professionals who need to stay connected to the people and information they care about.

Here are some of the Glisten’s features:

It is a quad-band world phone, featuring Windows Mobile 6.5
It has built-in Wi-Fi and GPS functionality
It includes a 3.1 megapixel digital camera
It offers up to 5 hours of talk time and 15 hours standby battery life
It features a full QWERTY keyboard for fast, easy and accurate messaging
It has a touch-enabled AMOLED screen delivering a crisp, clear display
AT&T’s 3G network is available in more than 350 major metropolitan areas and roaming in more than 100 countries, as well as voice calling in more than 215 countries.
Through HP’s partnership with AT&T and Microsoft, the iPAQ Glisten owners have access to a wide variety of applications, music, ringtones, games, etc.

You can learn more details about the HP iPaq Glisten at http://bit.ly/9JojDX. You can also follow HP on Twitter via @hp_pc or you can follow AT&T via @ATTNews.

How to Win a Free HP iPaq Glisten

I’m giving away one HP iPaq Glisten Smartphone. There are two ways to enter and you can double your chances of winning by doing both. Here are the two ways to enter this giveaway:

First Way to Enter: Leave a Comment Answering this Question

How would winning this smartphone help you achieve a better life for yourself and your family?

There are a ton of great uses for the HP iPaq Glisten smartphone. How would you put this phone to use to achieve a better life? I look forward to reading your comments!

Second Way to Enter: Tweet About this Giveaway

Just entered to win a free HP iPaq Glisten from @jnickles. Retweet to enter. Details at http://bit.ly/HPGlisten

Simply copy and paste the above tweet into your favorite Twitter client and you’ll have completed your second way to win!

The Rules for This Giveaway

Of course, there are some rules to follow if you want to win. Here they are:

One winner will be randomly selected from all entries
Two entries maximum per person (one via a comment; one via Twitter)
No purchase necessary; void where prohibited
You must be at least 18 years of age to enter
You must be a resident of the United States
All prizes are provided by the giveaway sponsors
The contest ends at noon on March 24, 2010
The winner will be announced on this site and via Twitter
I encourage you to read my disclosure statement and privacy policy

To be sure you don’t miss who wins, you can subscribe to receive my articles for free or you can follow @jnickles on Twitter. Good luck!

Simply Being Nice Will Help You with Your Business

Jeff — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:00:18 +0000

This is a guest post from Hulbert Lee at FromBottomUp.

Let’s face it. We live in a society that’s run by capitalism.

If you’re in business, everyone can be seen as a competitor. The ones who have a cold, determined attitude to do whatever it takes to get to the top of their business are also often the people who are highly praised.

High rating TV shows like The Apprentice often teach us that in order to get a job, you have to be willing to out compete others and that there is no room for “nice” or you will be booted. But in my opinion, being nice has more long-term potential to help you in business.

3 Reasons Being Nice Is Better for Business

Here are the reasons I believe we should be nice:

1. Positive Impressions are Contagious

Every time you make a positive action towards others, whether it’s smiling, saying hello, or laughing at someone’s joke, you are spreading positive energy to them. They will hold in this positive energy when they receive it and potentially spread it towards others, making themselves feel better.

Even if people are having a bad day, they will remember back in their day, reminding themselves that there was at least one person who was nice to them and will remember you for it. Not only does it help them prosper, but one day they may return the favor to you.

2. You Never Know Who They Are

You never know who you will run into when you’re nice. I remember a story of Tony Robbins in his book Unlimited Power where he’s in New York. He walks and sits down on a bench in Central Park to see what’s going on.

He notices a man that sits across from him. He starts to do what the man does. When the man throws bread crumbs to the birds, he throws bread crumbs to the birds. When the man sways back and forth, he sways back and forth. When the man looks up, he looks up.

Soon the man walks up to Tony Robbins and starts to talk to him. They engage in friendly conversation together. The guy tells Tony that he feels that he has known him better in that moment than the people he’s known for twenty-five years. He then offers Tony a job. You never know who you will bump into in life that will hand you an opportunity after a friendly chat.

3. People Change Over Time

People change. A person that you are nice to now may turn out to be totally different from who they are today. What I’m getting at here is that we should be nice to people regardless of their status. They may not be the wealthiest person on earth, but you should still be nice to them anyway.

One day when they become a successful person, they will look back and think of those people who helped them become successful. One of those few people could be you and you never know what kind of help they might be able to offer back to you.

Take the High Road and Be Nice

Being nice is something that we should embrace, not just because we want something out of it, but because it just makes us a more fulfilled person inside.

If you consistently portray a nice personality, people are going to remember you for it, especially in a very competitive world. It’s hard to get past that initial fear of lending your hand out there, but if you’re willing to do so, not only will you be able to feel happier, but you’ll influence others in a positive way in which they may one day lend a hand back to you.

Like Jay Leno says, “Life is not that hard. Try giving a little. You would be surprised at how much you get back.”

This has been a guest post from Hulbert Lee. He writes about personal development and success at his blog, FromBottomUp. If you haven’t had a chance already, make sure you follow him Twitter or subscribe to his RSS feed to get his blog updates.

Photo by ZoofyTheJi

The Difference in Being Selfish, Selfless and Self-Invested

Jeff — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:00:11 +0000

How do you approach living life to the fullest?

The approach you choose is very important. There are a couple of ways that seem right at first, but they lead to dead-ends.

This is where Super-Charged Living stands out. It creates a great life that has staying power. It leads to a lasting joy and significance that is satisfying.

For me, Super-Charged Living is a journey. It is an adventure. One where I’m constantly fine-tuning my course to ensure I’m getting the absolute most from life.

The other day I heard some terms mentioned and contrasted that helped me clarify my mental picture of Super-Charged Living even further.

Let’s Look at Being Selfish, Selfless and Self-Invested

As you might have guessed, the three terms discussed were selfish, selfless and self-invested. They were being talked about in a totally different context than living life to the fullest, but it struck me that they have a lot of importance here as well.

Selfish and selfless characterize a couple of common approaches to living a full life. However, I would argue that these are not sustainable paths and in the end leave people wondering where they went wrong. Let me unpack the two a little so you can see what I mean.

The Selfish Approach to Living Life to the Fullest

The image that comes to my mind when I think about the selfish approach to living life to the fullest is the jet set lifestyle. This is the “its all about me” approach. People living this way journey through life seeking pleasure. They have a great time partying and living it up.

They spontaneously chase after whatever makes them feel good. They believe the best life is living in the here and now. They ask, “Why put off until tomorrow what you can enjoy today?” They live for the moment with very little concern or worry for the future.

At first, this can seem like an appealing way to live. It is carefree, adventurous and fun. It is an escape from the day-to-day hassles we all deal with. However, it also has its costs. Throwing responsibility and the ties that bind to the wind may seem freeing at first, but it can backfire.

The disadvantages of the selfish approach:

Self-centeredness ruins relationships which often leads to loneliness and regret later in life
Takes lots of money to sustain which generally leads to piles of debt and financial issues
Fast living takes its toll on the body which leaves one with chronic health issues
Left with nothing to show for years of living and end up realizing it was chasing after the wind

Generally, these people blame others for bad outcomes in their life. When people try to speak correction or guidance into their lives, they dismiss the wise as sticks in the mud.

All in all, a selfish approach to living life to the fullest may seem fun for awhile, but it will likely lead to a life of loneliness, regret and boring “glory day” stories.

The Selfless Approach to Living Life to the Fullest

At the other end of the spectrum is the selfless approach. This avenue is probably less common, but still pursued by some. In it, people put everyone else’s needs above theirs. They are the consummate servants.

The selfless ones are generally pursuing significance. They feel the best way to have a life of meaning and purpose is to do all that you can for others. They throw themselves into the cause of their choice with passion. You really want these people on your side because they are absolutely tireless.

You often find these people hanging around churches, charities and other humanitarian efforts. They give until it hurts literally. They can never say no and over time this begins to take its toll.

The disadvantages of the selfless approach:

Selflessness leads to burnout and disillusionment
Often ruins relationships because the individual is never available or invested
Gives away all their money helping their cause and usually winds up broke and in debt
Winds up with health issues because they never take time to care for themselves

Ultimately, these people often wind up blaming the organizations they serve for using them up and burning them out. They leave with a bad taste in their mouths running away to sulk and put salve on their wounds.

Did you notice that both the selfish and selfless approaches to living life to the fullest have basically the same disadvantages?

They are different paths to the same empty, lonely, powerless and joyless place.

The Self-Invested Approach to Living Life to the Fullest

This leads us to the self-invested approach to living life to the fullest. This is where Super-Charged Living excels because it employs a long-term perspective. I am convinced it is the best approach for regular people with real lives.

Investing is the act of committing something (time, money, energy, effort) toward an objective with the expectation of a profit or worthwhile result. Self-investing then is putting in adequate time and effort to better one’s self to the point where you can expect a better life as a result.

The self-invested person realizes that all facets of life are interconnected. You can’t live life to the fullest while failing at relationships or finances or finding purpose or healthy living. If you do, then you are living below what is possible.

You learn to say no to some things in order to say yes to even better things. In other words, the self-invested person sets boundaries. For example, they know that relationships are important and that you can’t really give to others effectively when your cup is empty.

The ADVANTAGES of self-invested living are:

It is sustainable over an entire lifetime
It nurtures and encourages deep, meaningful relationships
It builds a person up instead of tearing them down
It is fun, rewarding and exciting without being irresponsible

Super-Charged Living is self-invested living. It is taking care of yourself and what you have so you can maximize your effectiveness for others. It is the best life possible!

Choose to Be Self-Invested for a Great Life

There are truly big differences between being selfish, selfless and self-invested. Which will you choose? If you are interested in living life to the absolute fullest, then please stick around and learn more about Super-Charged Living.

How have your experienced selfish, selfless and self-invested living? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Photo by Mr.Thomas

Miscommunication Quotes: Improve How You Are Heard

Jeff — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:00:31 +0000

Do you ever have trouble communicating?

Miscommunication is a common problem for all of us. It happens all the time. It even occurs when we least expect it and we often don’t know it happened until it is too late.

Making ourselves understood isn’t always as easy as we think. However, there are numerous things we can do to improve our chances of being heard. It just takes a little attention to detail.

Better communication skills will help us to avoid arguments, achieve our goals and generally get more of what we want out of life.

Guidance to Avoid Miscommunication

Have you ever seen a person that is having trouble getting their point across try talking a little louder in hopes it will help them to be heard and understood?

I wished this worked, but it generally doesn’t. This is a perfect example of how we misdiagnose miscommunication problems. It doesn’t matter if we are communicating orally, in writing or visually, we often have a hard time figuring out the right things to do to communicate properly.

One of the steps I take when I want to improve an area of my life is to consult an expert. Therefore, I’ve gone to some of the greatest communicators in history to get their advice.

I’ve collected their quotes and distilled from them 10 powerful fundamentals to help us avoid miscommunication. I know you’ll find these helpful.

1. Never Assume You Were Heard Correctly

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

When your message is important, always check to be sure you were understood correctly. This alone will avoid a great deal of miscommunication. This is exactly why pilots have to repeat back to air traffic controllers the instructions they were just given. It avoids a lot of disastrous mistakes.

2. Don’t Let Your Emotions Take Over

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
~ Dr. Laurence J. Peter

We are far better at communicating our desired message when we are calm, cool and collected. In the heat of the moment, we often say things we don’t really mean or say it in a way that confuses our listener. Always take time to compose yourself before you deliver an important message.

3. Account for Personal Differences

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Effective communicators tailor their message to their audience. Do you speak the same to a young child as you do to your spouse? Most of us do not. However, we also usually fail to go far enough in adapting our message to our intended listeners or readers. We really need to get inside their heads if we want to be heard.

4. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

“When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

As a general rule, none of us spend enough time preparing, editing and revising our message as we should. We also fail to test our message with a sample audience to verify it will be understood as we intended. How many times have you asked yourself, “What were they thinking?” Don’t let this happen to you! A well-prepared communicator has a much better chance of getting the right point across.

5. Be a Good Listener

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
~ Ernest Hemingway

Of course, communication is a two-way street. When others are talking, I’m usually formulating what I want to say next instead of really listening to them. The better we listen and understand their point of view, the better we’ll be able to communicate our ideas back.

6. K.I.S.S.

“The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.”
~ Joseph Priestley

Always keep the K.I.S.S. principle at the front of your mind when you are composing an important message. Being simple and straightforward will usually get you the best results. Your intent is to be understood, not to impress.

7. Be Brief

“Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.”
~ Robert Greenleaf

When you say too much, your listener loses focus and often misses the point. Keep your message as brief as possible. Enough said.

8. Use GREAT Visual Aides

“Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language.” ~ Walt Disney

Visual aides when speaking or writing are superb ways to improve your chances of being heard and understood. You’ll find some excellent resources for designing top-notch visual aides in my article titled I’m Sorry I Blinked and Didn’t Hear You.

9. Never Pass Up an Opportunity to Practice

“The tongue is the only tool that gets sharper with use.”
~ Washington Irving

It is true that practice makes perfect. The more we practice good communication skills, the better we get. I’d also encourage you to invite someone to review your message that will provide honest feedback. This is how we learn and grow.

10. Don’t Forget About Body Language

“Saying nothing… sometimes says the most.”
~ Emily Dickinson

Remember, many experts believe that body language alone makes up more than 50% of what we communicate. Learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to body language. You can really confuse your audience if you get this wrong!

These Miscommunication Quotes Convey Great Wisdom

The wisdom in these quotes is priceless. Who better to learn from than some of the best communicators ever to live? Again, if you employ these fundamentals, you are sure to increase your chances of being heard. Now go out there and sell your ideas!

What other tips would you suggest for avoiding miscommunication? Leave a comment and let everyone in on it!

Photo by roland

Welcoming The Confident Mom to Life Skills Network

Jeff — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:00:50 +0000

In our continuing quest to help you get the most out of life, The Life Skills Network has added a fantastic new blog to our group. I’d like to extend a warm welcome to The Confident Mom!

By her own admission:

Susan Heid (a.k.a. The Confident Mom) is passionately committed to guiding you, a busy mom, to find clarity, control and confidence, so you can re-energize your role as a mom, home and family manager as well as develop your God-given potential as a woman.

The Confident Mom brings a new dimension to our network that was sorely needed in my opinion. Obviously, her site is geared mainly toward mothers, but in perusing the content, I think there is a lot of great wisdom being published that we will all find useful.

Here are a few articles that I found particularly intriguing and that I’m sure you’ll enjoy too:

Are You Teaching Your Children to Live Without You?

I am a big believer in the need to teach our children independence. Susan offers some fantastic advice in this post about how to raise self-reliant adults. Our children have to learn to make decisions on their own when the consequences of a “bad decision” are a lot less damaging. This article will help you take the proper steps in this direction.

Controlling Toy Chaos!

If you have young children, then you know how the toys get out of control. I really like the tips provided in this article about how to reduce your chances of stepping on a Lego. Besides just keeping things a little neater, the suggestions here will also help you teach your kids about getting organized.

Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies…In a Jar

Want something sweet? Check out this delicious recipe for some incredible cookies! They sound awesome and the way this article suggests packaging them can transform the whole thing into a nice gift for someone special.

Join Me in Welcoming The Confident Mom

I hope you’ll join me in offering a warm welcome to The Confident Mom by taking a moment to visit her site and leave her a comment. I’m sure she would greatly appreciate making your online acquaintance.

I also hope you’ll stay tuned here at MySuperChargedLife.com for more exciting ways that regular people can learn to live life to the fullest!

Reader Question: How to Maintain a Super-Charged Life When Others Try to Bring You Down

Jeff — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:00:25 +0000

Do you have people in your life that try to hold you back from living life to the fullest?

Sometimes the people closest to us are unwittingly our worst enemies when we try to pursue a Super-Charged Life.

The poor things just can’t seem to help themselves. They become like boat anchors that try to keep us from moving on.

This seems to be the case for Sarah who commented on my recent article about Designing a Better Life. This is a very important topic, so I wanted to respond to Sarah outside the comment area.

I also wanted to give you a chance to chime in and help Sarah as well. After all, a few thousand heads are better than one!

Sarah’s Predicament: How to Deal with Those Trying to Bring You Down

Here is Sarah’s situation and question:

Sarah asks:
What do you do when you have a Super-Charged Life, but others tend to keep trying to bring you down?

I am one of these people I don’t watch tv. I’d rather get out and do things and meet people. I also tend to fill my time either doing something better for my family, myself or someone in need rather than watch mindless shows. Not watching television has given me a ton of freedom in life and a great deal of time.

I have worked two and three jobs and no I do not find it draining. I find it makes my life full. However when I am done working and I have managed to put away a little money for my retirement I have a number of folks who stand with hands held out. They feel entitled to my cash.

Now these same folks will say they don’t have any time to do like I do. Ask these same folks how much tv or even wasted computer games etc time they have and it is a ton! So when I use tough love and say no, they twist things and make me out to be the bad guy.

So how do you keep a Super-Charged Life in these circumstances?

Some Suggestions I Would Offer to Sarah

First and foremost, I want to congratulate you Sarah for being such a great role model for Super-Charged Living! You have taken personal responsibility for your situation and you are doing whatever it takes to improve your life. You are a star in my book!

I also want to acknowledge this can be a tricky and delicate situation. Every set of circumstances is unique because the people involved are unique. We all have different personalities and backgrounds that factor into how this should be handled. Tread lightly, but don’t be afraid to address this!

I’m assuming these people that are trying to bring you down are important in your life. I’m guessing they are friends, family members, etc. If they are not, then just get away from them. Who cares what they think? You have to do what’s right for you!

Okay, given our assumption about these people being important to Sarah, I do have a few suggestions I’d like to offer.

1. Be Honest and Direct

The direct approach is often the best approach. I would suggest sitting down in private with those that have their hands held out to explain to them your view of the situation. You need to do this when you are emotionally strong so you can remain composed. You do not want to get into an argument about it.

You simply want to calmly, but directly explain your side of the story regardless of the reaction. Stick to the facts and avoid using absolutes like “You always…” or “You never…” Instead, focus on a concrete example of when the person exhibited the undesirable behavior. State the facts, tell how you felt about it and then explain how you want things to go in the future. Do this calmly and in a non-accusatory tone.

Also, I’d suggest thinking about the ways your past behavior might have encouraged these people to think you would be willing to do what they want now. Confess to them your past mistakes and explain why you see things differently now. This will help them to see you are really changing and your confession will likely help them to accept your new boundaries in the relationship.

2. Be Patient and Persistent

Recognize that you might have to have the above conversation a few times before you really see the change you desire. Prepare yourself to be patient, but persistent. Again, it is likely that your past behavior has somehow fostered, at least in a passive way, these expectations in the one’s you feel are trying to hold you back. If you can see this, then it will help you to take responsibility for fixing the situation now.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to remain calm and patient throughout this period of adjustment. If you lose your temper or blow up in anyway, then you are going to significantly decrease your likelihood of success. You really need a strong rapport with these people in order to change their minds and behavior towards you.

If you do this well, then it is likely that very shortly you’ll see the undesirable behavior in those around you go away. Also, it is likely that word will get around. So, you’ll probably only have to do this with one or two of those closest to you. The others will catch the clue.

3. Be Prepared to Make the Hard Choice

What if talking to them doesn’t work even after several conversations and a lot of patience? Sarah, I say this with the utmost sensitivity to your situation, but you have to be prepared to make the hard choice. If the undesirable behavior is too much of a downer in your life, then you have to be willing to cut the ties that bind. In other words, you’ve got to get some distance between you and these people.

I’ll admit that this can be very difficult especially if these people are family members. However, you really have to set some clear boundaries for your own benefit and for theirs. Sometimes this requires establishing some distance. It may have to be physical and emotional distance. You may even have to end some friendships because you simply cannot change others. You can only change yourself and your circumstances. If they can’t adapt to the new you, then set them free!

Obviously, you are trying very hard to live a better life and the only way you are going to be able to do so is if you shed some of the “extra weight” that is trying to pull you back. Again, I realize this can be hard and I don’t suggest it lightly. I’m a big believer in the value of strong relationships, but I also believe you have to take care of yourself so you can be your best for the relationships in your life that matter the most.

What Other Advice Would You Offer Sarah?

Okay, that’s one man’s opinion of how to handle this situation. What would you do? What advice would you offer Sarah? I know I have a lot of smart readers out there. How about helping someone that really needs some sound advice? Now is your chance to really assist someone that is asking for our help.

Please leave a comment below with your advice to Sarah!

Photo by Horia Varlan

Living Below Your Means: Powerful Ideas to Help

Jeff — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 12:00:20 +0000

Are you trying to live below your means?

Spending less than you earn is the only way to get ahead with money. If you are one of those people that finds there is always more month left at the end of the money, then keep reading.

I found some very powerful ideas for living below your means that I want to pass along. Making significant changes to our lifestyle takes time and effort. It also takes broadening our minds.

Many of us, including me, often get stuck doing things the same old way. We seem to develop mental blinders that keep us from even seeing other possibilities. That’s why I went in search of some really great ways to save and manage money.

I want to help you and me find new ways to pinch a few pennies. Saving a little here and a little there is how you’ll whittle down your spending until you are living below your means.

Powerful Ideas for Living Below Your Means

Sometimes we think we are doing everything possible to squeeze every dime out of our budgets when in reality there is so much more that we could be doing. We just need a little help expanding our ideas of what is possible and seeing new areas to focus our efforts.

Here are some powerful ideas to help you live below your means:

1. Begin by Clarifying Your Purpose

Why do you want to start spending less? It is very important to clarify your purpose. If you can identify a higher reason, it will make things a lot easier. For instance, one of the big reasons that my wife and I wanted to become debt free was so we would have more money available to give to charities, family and people we know in need. This became a real motivator for us. Getting the 20-ton gorilla off our back, freed us up to use our money for the things that really mattered to us.

As Ron points out very powerfully in Monitoring Your Money Isn’t The Same As Budgeting Your Money, you need to align your money with your values. This is a crucial first step in achieving real success at living below your means.

2. Believe It Is Possible

I think many people have lost hope in their financial situation. They are overwhelmed and feel they have no one to turn to for help. This seems to be the case for Arlin, one of Brad’s readers over at Enemy of Debt. In Feeling Like You Are Bankrupt, Is Different Than Actually Being Bankrupt, Brad spells out for Arlin many very positive steps he can take to start digging out of his financial mess. He encourages his reader to reach a little further and to dig a little deeper for solutions other than bankruptcy which is really no solution at all because it has a ton of its own issues.

Just like Arlin, you may feel like you’ve very nearly reached the end of your rope. Well, please don’t give up! You’ve really got to believe that it is possible to turn your financial ship around. If this is you, then I’d highly suggest that you pick up a copy of Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover. It will lay out a plan that will restore your hope and it will encourage you along the way!

3. Be Methodical in Your Approach

You’ve got to have a well thought out and logical plan for how you’re going to start living below your means. All change requires a plan. I really like the plan that Tiffany, a newly single mom, came up with in her article for ptMoney called The Plan: Making Every Dollar Count. She is very methodical in her approach and has analyzed her situation very carefully. This significantly increases her chance of success. You can customize Tiffany’s plan for yourself.

When the crap hits the proverbial fan, it is easy to run off with your hair on fire making all kinds of rash financial decisions that may or may not lead to better results. I’d highly recommend taking a deep breath, finding a rational voice of reason and formulating a sound plan instead. Be methodical in your approach and you will see greater results!

4. Leave No Stone Unturned

What ways of cutting back haven’t you examined? Sometimes we feel we’ve cut absolutely everything possible to cut. However, that’s rarely the case. Most of us have a bunch of fat in our budgets that we simply do not see. Take for instance, your daily commute to and from work. Ramsay wrote an article for FrugalDad where he examines the Costs of Commuting, and Nine Ways To Reduce Them. It is a brilliant example of leaving no stone unturned.

You’ve really got to track your spending and put everything out on the table in order to make this work. Nothing should be considered sacred and every dollar you spend should have a specific purpose.

5. Stretch Until You Think You’ll Snap

When you’ve pushed it as far as you think you can, push a little further. Be sure you squeeze that last little drop out of your budget so you are getting the absolute most out of your money. If it ain’t hurtin’ a little, then you are NOT stretching yourself far enough!

Want some ideas for how to be a little more frugal? I suggest you check out 9 Tips to Stretch the Life of Common Household Items at My Dollar Plan. Can you really make a bra last over 6 years? Are you properly maintaining your vacuum cleaner? This is where the rubber meets the road!

6. Spend When You Need To

Okay, if you’ve followed some of the links that I’ve provided, then you’ve covered a lot of ground on how to save money on expenses. However, it is also important to know when to spend money. Trent over at The Simple Dollar addresses this very nicely in his response to a reader’s question about When Living Cheap Catches Up With You.

Sometimes it is necessary to replace things that are broken, worn out or no longer usable. There is no reason to feel guilty about this! Be realistic about it, life takes money. My best advice is to pay cash for whatever you buy. This requires that you anticipate your needs and carefully save for the purchase. You’ll thank yourself later!

What ideas have you found useful for living below your means? Leave a comment so we can all benefit!

Photo by Shawn Allen

Elevate Your Thinking to Elevate Your Life

Jeff — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 12:00:33 +0000

Do you feel stuck and unable to move yourself towards a better life?

You have to elevate your thinking to raise your life beyond where it is today. Marshall Goldsmith got it right when he said, “What got you here won’t get you there.”

If you want different results than what you’ve been getting, then you have to start acting differently. But first, you must change your mind. I mean this quite literally. You must work to transform your thoughts to elevate your life.

Our actions are driven by our thoughts. Therefore, by elevating our thoughts on a particular topic, we can produce better results in that area of our life.

An Example of How Elevated Thoughts Elevated My Life

A few years ago, I decided I wanted to do better with my personal finances. I hadn’t done a terrible job, but I just wasn’t really getting ahead in the way that I wanted either. I was stuck.

I knew I needed help to elevate my situation. I turned to where I almost always go to learn new things. I looked for a book on the subject and I got lucky. I found Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness. Well, actually my wife found it and read it first, but she twisted my arm until I read it too thankfully passed it along to me.

This book changed my mind about how I handle money and propelled me to greater financial achievement. Here are a few examples of the new thinking that it gave me:

I will spend less if I pay for most things with cash instead of a debit or credit card. – I used to always pay for everything with my debit card. It was easy and convenient. It was so easy that I spent more than I should have. Psychologically speaking, studies have shown that it is just harder to hand cold, hard cash over to the clerk behind the counter than it is to whip out some plastic. This one realization helped me significantly reduce frivolous spending.
I absolutely must have a budget to adequately direct my money toward my priorities. – I never even balanced my checkbook before I read Dave’s book. Honestly, I resisted the idea of living on a budget. I thought it would cramp my style. However, slowly, but surely I became convinced that a budget was the tool I needed to accomplish my financial goals. Since I started using a budget, I’ve really started winning with money and building my net worth.
I need to be debt free to get ahead financially. – I’ve had debt since I was in high school. I borrowed money to buy cars and in college I got my first credit card. I thought owing other people money was just what adults did. However, Dave educated me and helped me to see that my debt was draining me of all my financial power. It was the ball and chain keeping me from getting ahead. Now I’m debt free except for my mortgage and I’m saving a nice little nest egg.
I can become wealthy even though I’m just a regular guy. – Previously, I thought that the only people that become wealthy were those that won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes or that inherited a ton of money from a long, lost relative. However, my thoughts have changed on this notion as well. I now realize that accumulating cash has a lot more to do with having a plan and being disciplined in executing the plan over time than it does coming into some big windfall. I know that regular people can become very prosperous.

Can you see how my thinking on the subject of money evolved? Dave Ramsey’s book started turning my mind in a different direction which resulted in new behavior that I’d never exhibited before. This new behavior produced new and better results. I elevated my thoughts and it elevated my life.

You can apply this same technique in any area of your life where you want to see improvement!

3 Steps to Elevate Your Thinking to Elevate Your Life

Do you have an area of your life that you’d like to improve? If so, then I’d suggest following these three steps to elevate your thinking so you can quickly reach your goals.

1. Expose Yourself (not like that!)

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” ~ Charles “Tremendous” Jones

Identify a way to expose yourself to some new ideas in the area in which you want to improve. You want to educate yourself on how people with demonstrated success in your chosen area have done it. For me, I usually turn to books or web sites, but you might be different. You might prefer a class, a seminar or just talking to other successful people about it. The method doesn’t matter, seeking the keys that made others successful is what you are after in anyway that you can get it.

However, you find this new information, I’d highly suggest that you record it somehow for later reference. At the very least, write down the key things that struck you in a journal so you can refer back to them later. Changing your mind will likely take a little while. Don’t rush it. Let the new ideas soak in thoroughly by referring back to them often.

2. Question Your Thinking

“The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” ~ Muhammad Ali

As you mull over these new ideas, start questioning your old thinking and behavior. Ask yourself, “Why do I believe the way I do about this? How do my beliefs influence my behavior in this area?” Try to be honest with yourself and really unpack the whys and hows of your thinking on the subject. Play the role of Dr. Phil and ask yourself, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” List out the outcomes you’ve experienced compared to the results you really desire. This will help you to see where your old thinking has fallen short and it will help you to see the logic in the new ideas.

Spend some time with the ideas you want to reject out right. These could be where you can experience the most gain. These might just be the keys to your success!

This is probably a good time to refer back to the reference material you established in Step 1. I’d also suggest that you talk it over with a trusted advisor. Saying things out loud helps to sort it all out. Through all this, you will likely start to see a new path towards greater achievement!

3. Start Acting

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” ~ Walt Disney

Develop a plan based on your new elevated thinking and act on it daily. Set written goals for yourself and check them off as you accomplish them. The documented results will build your confidence and maintain your motivation for your new, elevated thinking.

Beware because you are likely going to encounter some resistance to your new thinking. Someone or something in your life will likely resist the change that you are creating. This is typical. You should expect it and be comforted when it appears. This means that you are on the right track. You are actually changing enough to make a difference! Be firm, but gentle and continue until you have overcome the resistance. Don’t let it discourage or dissuade you!

What do you do to elevate your thoughts to elevate your life? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Photo by gruntzooki

Steps to Self Improvement: Climb Your Way to Success

Jeff — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:00:36 +0000

Do you want a better you?

The steps to self-improvement are available to everyone. You can start now and climb your way to a successful life.

You just have to decide to start climbing. There is an overwhelming amount of material out there to guide your ascent. However, most people out of laziness, ignorance or confusion simply stay right where they are instead of choosing to take that first step.

By reading this article, you are well beyond most people. You are demonstrating that self-improvement interests you and you are educating yourself on how to become more successful. I commend you and encourage you to continue your journey!

The Steps to Self-Improvement That I Use

The steps needed to improve any area of a person’s life are essentially the same. You can follow these steps no matter what it is about yourself that you want to enhance. Want to lose weight? These steps will work! Want to become better at time management? These steps will work! Want to get out of debt? These steps will definitely work!

How do I know they will work? Because I’ve used them myself to improve several areas of my life over the years. They are the true basis of any personal development.

Here are the steps to self-improvement that I use:

1. Realize an Area I Want to Improve

The very first step in self-improvement is to — realize an area I want to improve. There is a lot packed into that short phrase. Let me break it down:

First, I have to realize (acknowledge, conceive, grasp) there is something that needs improving. I have to see it for myself that I need to change something for the better in my life. This is often difficult. I can more easily see what needs changing in others than in myself. Just recognizing an area I want to improve in is a huge first step.
Second, I have to narrow it down to an area (singular, specific, only). We often try to change too much about ourselves at once. Focus is a very important part of successful self-improvement. I have to Isolate the one most important thing that I want to improve about myself and work on that alone.
Third, it has to be a change that I (me, myself) want (desire, crave, yearn for). It can’t be something that my wife or parents or friends or boss wants for me. It has to be something that I am personally motivated to change about myself or my effort is doomed from the start. It is often difficult to clarify this. It is easy to confuse my desire to please others for my own motivation. However, it is imperative for successful self-improvement that I take the time to work this out.
Lastly, I have to be willing to improve (change, correct, adjust) this area of my life that I’ve singled out. This usually requires that I let go of some of what I’m clinging to now and adopt new attitudes, behaviors and thinking about this area I want to improve. Of course, this isn’t usually easy. This is where people start talking about how to change habits, etc. That’s why it is important to think through change carefully before trying to do it.

2. Educate Myself on Better Behavior

The next thing I do once I pick an area that I want to improve is educate myself on how to get better. I find books, blogs or individuals that can teach me new ways to get different and improved results.

I remind myself that you can’t keep doing the same things you’ve always done and expect different outcomes. Being willing to accept this new education is crucial to self-improvement.

Initially, I tend to scoff at and reject the new ideas that I acquire through this process. Sometimes I think they sound too hard or too time-consuming or too ridiculous. I’ll often squirm pretty hard and rationalize until the cows come home in an attempt to talk myself out of what I’ve started. It is kind of like how our physical bodies reject organ transplants despite the fact they are done to save our lives.

This is why it is important for me to work through each of the points in Step One above before I begin. Without a solid basis for the why of my self-improvement, my effort would wither and die right on the vine during Step Two.

Eventually, I find something I think will work and that I can embrace. I try not to rush it. I give myself time to let the new ideas sink in before I ever start to attempt any real change. Once my brain is fully marinated and has started to buy into these new ideas and only then do I move on.

3. Decide on the New Results I Desire

Based on my new knowledge of what is possible, I envision for myself the new results I desire. In other words, I set some goals for what I think I can accomplish by implementing the better behavior.

I hype myself up by daydreaming about what my life will be like once I get to where I want to go. Emotional engagement is very important for me. It is the basis for keeping myself motivated. I have to clearly picture in my mind the ways I’ll feel better, the adoration I’ll receive and rewards I’ll experience for making the needed changes.

I try hard to be realistic here. The danger is setting goals too high or too low. Goals that are set too high will only lead to disappointment and discouragement. Goals set too low aren’t generally motivating enough for me. Hopefully, I’ve identified a trusted source in Step Two that includes guidance for what to expect once I incorporate their suggestions. If not, I exercise my own best judgement.

Overall, I have to get myself to buy into the dream that lies just beyond the work needed to reach the promised land. Once I have this clear picture in my head, then I’m ready to set out on this new adventure!

4. I Start Slowly Incorporating Change

I’m a big believer in the baby step approach to change. I like to slowly ramp up from where I am to where I want to be so I don’t frighten my brain and send it into panic mode.

I begin by weaning myself off my old behavior that didn’t work while substituting the new behavior that I think will work. I pick the new behavior that appeals to me the most as the place to start. A few early wins usually help me to get traction.

I like to have a written plan to follow. For me, this usually isn’t my own written plan, but one that I’ve found documented by someone else in a book or on a blog. I’ll sometimes customize their plan, but mostly I try to trust their advice because this is uncharted territory for me.

I work my way through the trusted baby steps over days, weeks and months. At first, the new behaviors are sometimes difficult, sometimes awkward and sometimes uncomfortable, but if I stick with them they usually become second nature very soon.

After a month or so, I look back and realize I’m doing things differently than what I did before!

5. I Evaluate the New Results

Finally, once I come to the realization that my new behavior has taken hold, I take a step back and evaluate the results that I’m getting. I ask myself things like:

Am I getting different results than I was before I started this new behavior?
Are the results I’m getting a true improvement over what I was getting before?
Are the new results (if there are any) worth the effort?
Are there any changes I can make to get better results?

One pitfall I look out for is change that doesn’t produce any new or better results. This is not self-improvement. It is simply a different way to achieve the same or a similar outcome. Our minds are tricky little devices and they can often woo us into thinking we are changing when we aren’t really. I try to guard against this by being objective about answering the questions above and by gauging my outcomes against my original expectations.

If things are better, then I’ve successfully accomplished the self-improvement desired. If they aren’t any better, then it is time to make adjustments and try again. Sometimes, it takes a long time to find just the right recipe to get the results I really want. Other times, I find I’m realizing better results in just a few days.

The key is to be able to step outside yourself and think logically about the process without letting yourself get sucked down into the quicksand of despair. Also, I highly encourage you to reward yourself along the way. I celebrate my victories and milestones in small, but meaningful ways. It helps me stay focused.

These Steps to Self-Improvement Work Every Time

These steps have worked for me in a wide variety of situations. I think they’ll work for you too. They are universal. Apply these steps to whatever it is you want to improve in your life and you’ll be stepping up to a better life in no time!

What did I miss? Is there something I can do to improve these steps? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Photo by eperales