We've spent the last few articles describing the apartheid policies implemented by Israel in the Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT). The obvious question which follows is: so what, what am I to do about it and why?

Apart from the obvious moral incumbency of acting to eliminate injustice, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict deserves special attention for a number of reasons. Most importantly, we Westerners, Americans especially, have an obligation to act because it's our governments that are fueling the occupation in the first place. Without the political backing of the West, Israel won't be able to continue usurping Palestinian land. In addition to the vital political support of the world's superpower, America also supplies over $3 billion in military aid to Israel every year. That's tax payer's money going directly to fund the occupation.

Unlike many other conflicts, the average person can in fact do something about this issue. Boycotts, Divestments and Sanctions (BDS) is a global movement of concerned citizens spanning across the globe. From campus clubs to community groups to corporations; people from all facets of life participate in it with the objective of bringing the conflict to and end.

What is BDS, and what it isn't?

The call for Boycotts, Divestments and Sanctions (BDS) against Israel was made in 2005 by over 170 Palestinian community groups. They called on the global community to take these measures against Israel until it complies with international law. BDS is a non-violent coalition which demands an end to the occupation of the OPT, respect and protection for the Palestinian right-of-return and equality for Palestinian citizens of Israel.

Consumer boycotts involves us making an effort to eliminate consumption of conflict goods in our local communities. This would involve boycotting goods that are produced on settlements which are built on land stolen from Palestinians. It would also include boycotting corporations which aid the Israeli military. For example, Caterpillar is a good example as it provides the bulldozers used to demolish Palestinian homes.

Some people might be sighing with disillusionment after reading about 'boycotts'. They are probably thinking of the infamous 'Boycott Starbucks' campaign which was awfully poplar in the Muslim community; though based on complete falsehood. Just to be clear, boycotting StarBucks had nothing to do with the BDS campaign. In fact, it's the perfect example of 'boycotts-gone-wrong'.

Boycott campaigns for BDS are usually organized by social justice groups in local communities. There isn't a central control structure and each group decides independently the route it wants to take. It's important to boycott smart, rather than boycott blindly. For starters, having clear evidence of a corporation's complicity in supporting occupation is a must. It's important to set a clear criterion too. For example, it's ineffective to simply boycott a company because it does business in Israel; it makes more sense to do so if the corporation directly supports the illegal settlements. In addition, it's important to write letters to the company letting them know your group is boycotting them; or else they'll never know. Peaceful protests such as these are another way to make your voice heard. It's also important to focus your campaign on a handful of companies; making an endless list is a waste of time.

Listed below are some of the main social justice groups whose campaigns/chapters you can sign up for. If you're a student, your best bet are the clubs on campus. Just a heads up: within solidarity activists, there are over zealous groups whose harsh rhetoric verges on vilification and hate-mongering. Stick with the mainstream, well-organized groups run by level headed individuals. (Canada: CJPME US: End the Occupation, Stop the Blank Check Ireland: IPSC Australia: Palestine Action Group UK: Check the Label International: BDS)

The second pillar of the movement, divestments, is aimed at corporations and institutions. It involves these groups reevaluating their investment portfolios and withdrawing any investments from corporations which support the Israeli occupation. Most active amongst this category have been churches, trade unions and student groups. Some recent examples are the United Church of Canada and the Mennonite Church US. Student groups across the globe are lobbying universities to review their investment portfolios. Many corporations have ethical investment policies and if you feel these are being violated by the company you work for; you could try to lobby to get them to comply with these standards. The Methodist Church has prepared a report outlining some of these companies; there might be better reports out there, so do you'll have to do some research.

The last pillar of BDS is Sanctions. This is something that is primarily to be implemented at the state level. For the most part, the movement hasn't gotten that far yet as most Western government's still support Israel. However, an EU report recently urged member states to withdraw funding to the settlements and disallow conflict goods to benefit from trade agreements with Israel. This is a step in the right direction and indicates the increasing international pressure on Israel.

Chomsky and Finkelstein on BDS

Noam Chomsky and Norman Finkelstein, two of the most well-known academics in the solidarity movement, have both been critical of BDS. Given the remarkable roles they've played in advancing the Palestinian cause, their opinion carries a great deal of weight and has led to hesitancy to adopt BDS in come circles. Right wing commentators and Zionists frequently quote their stance with the objective of dismissing BDS as nothing but a group of anti-Semitic hate mongers.

However, a detailed look at their position would reveal that they actually support boycotts, divestments and sanctions as a strategy. For example, Chomsky believes we should boycott companies such as Caterpillar and Motorola that support the Israeli military, and should lobby for an arms embargo. Finkelstein also holds the same position. Their criticism is not aimed at the principles itself. Rather it's aimed at some of the official stances of BDS and specifics about how to implement the strategies (e.g. academic and cultural boycotts). It appears their conflict is more with the leadership of BDS, many of whom advocate for a one-state solution; a position that doesn't sit well with either of them.

The reason of elaborating on this issue is because many have turned away from BDS because it hasn't gotten the Chomskian stamp of approval. However, the reality is both Chomsky and Finkelstein generally support the strategies of BDS; their disagreements are with specifics and some individuals within the leadership. Given the grass roots nature of the movement, social justice groups work independently and carve out their own methodologies of how to implement BDS. You might disagree with elements of BDS, I do so myself, but that doesn't mean you can't participate in it.

Last Word

One of the classical strategies of diverting attention from this issue is by changing the subject. As Finkelstein puts it: You talk about occupation, they talk about the holocaust. You talk about occupation, they talk anti-Semitism. Similarly, when you talk about apartheid, they will talk about flaws in your argument and how you've really not understood apartheid. Next thing you know, you've spent an hour in a theoretical discussion about the nature of apartheid and its application to this conflict.

It is thus vital to not get hung up on terms and simply go back to the root of the problem: the Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands. Reiterate that the occupation is illegal by international consensus (including US policy) and needs to come to and end. Our goal is not to convince people about the type of oppression taking place; it's to end the oppression.

The post Israel and Apartheid | Taking Action with BDS appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

What does it mean to be a Muslim?  The video below shows what being a Muslim means for three girls who live in Indiana.  From sharing to making others feel better, Sabriya, Laila, and Anisha show that a Muslim's character is very important.

Enjoy the video!

You can also click HERE to see the video.

Don't forget to participate in MKM's alḥamdulillāh Project.

(Attention, writers!  Muslim Kids Matter is a regular feature at Muslim Matters.  New articles for kids are posted every other Sunday.  You're welcome to send in your entries to muslimkidsmatter@muslimmatters.org.)

The post MuslimKidsMatter | I am a Muslim appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

These warnings are now coming to fruition as cyclone makes its way in the Bay of the Bengal towards Burma and Bangladesh. Human Rights Watch has estimated 140,000 Rohingya IDPs in its path, 17,000 refused registration by the Burmese government will not be allowed to take shelter. They will take the brunt of the storm, and if no one acts, it is almost certain the majority of them will die. Those who survive will live with what little they had before completely destroyed. All to the silence of the world.

All of these things have happened either with direct government approval or in many cases with direct involvement of the government of Myanmar. In this past month military forces have been going to the remaining Rohingya neighborhoods under threat and trying to force census documents where they claim the Identity of Bengali  immigrants, an obvious attempt to justify their expulsion from the country, although their history in the country can be traced back anywhere from 300-800 years in the area they now live in. Several Rohingya in Rakhine state have reported that those refusing to sign themselves as Bengali immigrants, or those protesting against the forced census have been arrested, beaten, tortured, and there are even reports of some that have been killed. There is no existing way to confirm these reports, but sources are conveying, daily stories of horror and agony.  Human Rights Watch released a 60 page document this past month entitled “All You Can Do is Pray” detailing at length the persecution of Muslims in Burma, and the government's hand in these events.

While all world governments and the UN are entirely aware that this is happening they have been increasingly lenient with the Burmese government, which has only allowed the situation to deteriorate further, and made life for the Rohingya increasingly difficult and regrettably with very little to find hope in. Without international action this trend will continue, and the results will be increasingly horrific. This is why we are calling on all the people, from all the nations to mark June 1^st as an international day of protest for the Rohingya. We call on people to organize street protests, fundraisers, speaking events, social media events, anything, anything to help the Rohingya where the rest of the world has found them convenient to forget.

To help with relief please donate to  http://www.partnersworld.org.uk/ or directly here at http://www.justgiving.com/savetherohingya/

If you are organizing an event and want to coordinate please post it here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/409369229158791/ or email richardpotter86@gmail.com or andrewday1982@gmail.com

The post June 1st : International Day of Action for the Rohingya Suffering appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Along with the new uniforms and saying good bye to their beloved instructor, my children faced a big change in their martial arts instruction.  They had to relearn many of the forms and learn their names in Korean. The friendly atmosphere had been replaced by formality. Last testing, when the kids were being handed their new belts, I saw that the Grandmaster was making everyone bow (almost like a sajdah) to him. Master Jordan never asked the kids (any kid) to bow down to him or to any another sensei. I walked up to the manager and told her that that my children would not be doing the bow.

Unceremoniously, an instructor (not the Grandmaster) handed the belts/certificate out to my children.

The dojo had been bought by a Korean family who were very traditional in the manner that they ran the practice.

After the ceremony, we went into the office and thanked the Grandmaster for the certificates.  I explained the whys: why we do not bow down to anyone aside God, it is for religious reasons,  etc. I offered several other culturally acceptable methods of showing our respect. We received a terse nod of acknowledgement and were asked to leave.

Lost in Translation

“Mama, they won't let me test! I am so prepared for my blue belt.” My daughter was on the phone.  A few months later and it was testing time again, and this time my husband had taken the kids to the center. “Give the phone to Mrs. Lee,” I said.

“Sorry, sorry, they have to come back on Friday, we test them when no one else is here!!” I could barely understand her. She was the wife and the manager and had moved to the U.S. from Korea 12 years ago.

“Please, Mrs. Lee,” I pressed,”the girls are so excited and they worked really hard; they are mentally ready to spar.”

She whispered something in Korean to her 18 year old son, he is 4th degree black belt and an instructor. Soon he was on the phone and his normally friendly voice was very contrived and terse. “This is Korean culture, you have to bow. I am doing you a favor by setting up separate testing.”

'But Master Jordan never…”

“Don't speak to me about him, he didn't run this place in a 'traditional Korean' way.”

I interjected, “But none of your flyers, paperwork list any such rules.”

“Listen lady, I don't want to argue with you.” He said that he had never heard of this religion issue. Generally, Korean society is pretty homogeneous but never heard of bowing only to God!?

I knew I was going to lose my cool; so I asked my husband to just bring the girls home. I wasn't thinking about the instructor or his father, the Grandmaster; all I could think of was my disappointed kids.

My husband was upset, the girls were upset, and the Grandmaster was upset.

And I was really upset and frustrated as I had paid the fees upfront for the whole year. But to me bowing and sajdah are acts done solely for the sake of Allāh, to Allāh. The thought of making sujood to a human being had me riled up.

These thoughts rushed through my head as I wrote a quick email to my MuslimMatters resources. I didn't want my behavior to reflect badly on all Muslims that the dojo may come in contact with but I wanted to make my point clear.

I didn't want to create a scene, so I decided not to go in right then and make a fuss in front of all the parents who were there for an important time in their kids' life, but I didn't think it was fair for them to send my children home after calling them to test. I didn't want my kids being treated like pariahs, testing separately like there was something wrong with them. Part of the fun of martial arts is the whole dojo testing together.

Why did they need to bow?

 

I understand that in a dojo martial artists hit & choke each other, they toss each other to the ground; they swing sticks, brandish swords and exchange a gamut of sophisticated bodily punishment. Without an honest and sincere demonstration of respect before and after an exchange, before and after class, they risk the creation of a contentious environment that promotes brawling and discourages mutual benefit. This is the reasoning behind the 'small bow'.

As I researched further, I understood that paying respect can mean to thank someone for training with you.  Martial artists also bow to their opponents and to fellow artists (this bow is more like a bending of the torso).  “It can mean that you desire intensity of training. It can mean you desire slowness in training. It can mean that you admire someone for their abilities. It can mean that you want them to improve. It can mean that you want to see the best they have to offer. It can mean you want them to hit you as hard as they can. It can also mean you want them to go lightly on you. The word respect, to me, implies that you are cognizant of what is going on around you and you are intending to learn from it. It is an act of active participation, versus passive participation,” writes a martial artist. Bows are used to begin and end practice, sparring bouts and competitions, and when entering and leaving the dojo, or practice room.

More ever, a low, deep bow from Koreans at the end of a meeting indicates a successful meeting. A quick, short parting bow could mean dissatisfaction with meetings. Like traditional Muslim culture, elders are treated with respect due to to their age. I finally realized that in the GM's eyes, I had disrespected him when I asked that my kids not bow to him.

Several of MM brothers and their families do martial arts as well and had similar experiences: Br. Iesa said that “when I took Aikido the sensei told me create a salute but I moved before I did, but nowadays in my jujitsu and kick-boxing classes the instructors don't really care so I just nod my head when the rest of them bow.”

Br Siraaj said “My kids do wushu,the  instructors are Non-Muslim and understand why we don't do this (multiple families coming and explaining)”

Shaykh Yasir Qadhi replied to my email:

Bowing down in front of others for respect is haram (not shirk). At the same time your kids (not baligh) so rules are lax for them; maybe they could get by if they just 'nodded' and didn't actually bend their backs?!? I had the same issue with my nephews and nieces and we talked to the sensei and he agreed to let them into class a few minutes late because they would bow at the beginning of the ceremony. They are not baligh so the Shariah would not be as strict on them. Parents needs to be as careful as possible and teach them what is appropriate. I wouldn't want my kids to do that. 

(Please excuse the frankness of our discussions, we love our Shuyūkh and love that we can ask them questions) As our discussion grew, Br. Wael, a martial artist asked  “why would you say that bowing for respect is haram? There is a big difference between someone arrogantly demanding that others bow for him (or rise for him) when he enters a room, and two people bowing to each other as a greeting.  The martial arts bow is mutual. The instructor bows to the students, and the students bow to the instructor. Then, when students pair up to work on techniques, they bow to each other. Quite obviously it is not worship, and has nothing to do with worship. No one in Asian culture imagines or thinks that bowing is related to worship in any way.  Secondly, the martial arts bow (or Asian cultural bow) is not a deep, 90 degree angle bow like our ruku'. It is a relatively shallow bow. We need to put things in their cultural context. If a Western “noble” walked in the room and expected people to bow, obviously as Muslims we cannot do that. But in East Asia, bowing is a simple greeting. It's a deeply ingrained part of Asian culture. In Japan and Korea (and China to a lesser degree) people bow when greeting a friend or a colleague, or even just running into a friend on the street. Indigenous East Asian Muslims do it as much as anyone else. Are they all committing sins every day by greeting each other in this way? In many parts of South East Asia, people (including Muslims) greet each other or show respect by putting their palms together in front of the chest. In the West, people shake hands. Arabs often hug. Well, East Asians bow. Are we to declare all other greeting traditions valid, and the East Asian tradition haram?”

Some sisters shared Islam Q&A fatwas through which this  hadith was shared:

 Al-Tirmidhi (2728) narrated that Anas ibn Maalik [ra] said: A man said: O Messenger of Allāh, when one of us meets his brother or friend, should he bow to him? He said: “No.” He said: Should he embrace him and kiss him? He said: “No.” He said: Should he shake hands with him? He said: “Yes.”

Wael asked the Shuyūkh “Is the Prophet  flatly prohibiting bowing in this hadith, or is he simply describing what type of greeting is best for Muslims? Because if it's a flat prohibition, then must we also understand that embracing your brother is haram? So a Muslim cannot hug his brother, it's forbidden?  The other fatwas keep saying that “bowing is a kind of worship”. My point is that our ruku' is certainly worship; but the shallow bow that martial arts practitioners give each other is not. No one in martial arts intends or conceives of it as worship. Otherwise we would be worshipping each other, which makes no sense.”

 

Shaykh Yasir replied: “Any type of lowering of the head (ruku and sujud) was allowed in previous nations if done out of respect (angels to Adam; Yaqub and sons to Yusuf). When Muadh tried to do it to Prophet (saw) he saw, “Do not do so.” And in another hadith, “I do not permit any man prostrating to another, but were I to permit it I would do so for the wife. I don't know of any scholar who would say bowing the head is something permissible. It is not done in our religion. Maybe you'll find some who say its strongly discouraged.”

 

A great part of being  MM Family is the access to a variety of scholars, so here is Shaykh Yahya Ibrahim's take which slightly differed from Shaykh Yasir's:

Bismillah,

Some take a very conservative stance and refuse any form of bowing.  That of course is acceptable and prudent.

However, if the children are young, taught well about our worship and how none deserve it but Allāh, I find it is acceptable to acknowledge others with a movement of the head and torso that meets the expectation of respect without compromising our faith and education of our kids.  I think the compromise offered is great. I grew up, for 6 years, in tae kwon do gyms… I bowed with a movement from the head and torso slightly throughout.

Wa allahu a'laam

 

The Big Bow

But the big bow as it is called in many dojos was the major issue. This bow is literally called the “90 degree bow” (90도 인사) in Korean because it is. It's a form of utter respect, an intentional showing of service and obedience.  Sabae (큰절) or deep bows that are reserved for special occasions, for example the Korean News Year's. Many Korean traditions stem from Confucianism. Although Confucianism is sometimes described as a religion because of it allusions to ancestor worship Confucius himself never endorsed ancestor worship. He stressed devotion to ancestors out of reverence to their wisdom and moral leadership not as a means of worshiping their spirits.

Here is what Shaykh Abdul Rahman Mangera says:

In the name of Allāh the Inspirer of truth. It is not permissible to bow in these circumstances. Although it may not have any religious significance to the art, however, as a Muslim it is an empathetically prohibited act for you. It is an act reserved for Allāh alone, and doing it for other than Allāh is either unlawful, or can leads one to kufr if done with intention to worship. If it had been permissible, even as to honor someone, it would have been permissible to do it for the Prophet (upon him be peace) or one's elders, which is not the case.

Wael had some practical advice for me: “Sister Hena, I just noticed that you are referring to the full prostrating bow, which resembles our sajda. In this case I agree that it's not appropriate for a Muslim. It sounds like the new instructor is very traditional and formal. This may not be the right class for a Muslim. You might think about switching your kids to another school, or to a different martial arts style. Some styles, such as those that come from Indonesia or the Philippines, do not require bowing because it's not a part of their culture. There are also schools that do not require bowing because they are Christian-run and have eliminated Asian cultural trappings. And some that are simply Americanized.”

The Sajdah

I realized what a great learning opportunity this is for my kids. The kids and I spoke about Sujud- the meaning of the word, sajdah:

S J D-lowly, humble, submissive, worship, adore, prostrate, make obeisance, lower/bend oneself down towards the ground, lower the head, to salute/honor/magnify, to pay respect, to stand up, to look continually and tranquilly.

A sajdah is our body hymning the submission of our souls. How metaphorically we do Sajadah when we obey Allāh. We spoke of how one can do superficial prostration while disobeying God.

In our discussion on the MM listserv, we did veer off topic and talked about how sad it is that most parents will not or can not get their kids to make even ruku' to Allāh, but will find time and put in the effort to put their kids in karate schools to make ruku' to an instructor. And the reality is most Muslim families are not even getting their kids to pray five times a day.

I wanted to share this topic with our readers as many of us face live in a multicultural environment where our actions/interactions may upset another based on their cultural norms. Bowing to other than God is not a modern issue but its ramifications in a martial arts setting maybe new. I want to share how my family and friends have handled this situation and how shurah with people that you trust can help guide you through a complex situation that may initially seem black and white. My children learnt the important of sajdah, a seemingly physical act and it's profound metaphysical and spiritual meaning in a way that I could not have explained to them if they didn't have this experience. They also learnt how respect is expressed in other cultures.

My children continue to stand up for their belief and refuse to bow down to anyone except to their Lord. They tested separately until the Grandmaster yielded.  As a sign of respect, we took flowers for their instructor to show them respect at their ceremonial testing (American style). Until we left California, when we entered and exited the dojo we did a quick nod of greeting and respect. We hope that their instructors are richer in learning that there are others whose views may differ from theirs, and that respect can be expressed in many beautiful ways. As I search for a new dojo for them in our new city, I will keep my MM brothers' advice in mind.

For my children only Allāh is the Grandmaster, alḥamdulillāh. May Allāh always keep them firm in their īmān.

The post Martial Arts – A Grand Master’s Big Bow and the Muslim Take appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Malcolm Shabazz, the grandson of Malcolm X, was viciously murdered last Thursday in Mexico.  Two men thus far have been arrested, yet there are many unanswered questions regarding his tragic demise.

Much to do has been made in the media of the troubles that Shabazz went through as a youth from the fire he set as an adolescent, which killed his grandmother Dr. Betty Shabazz, to later brushes with the law.  However, little has been spoken about the positive maturation of Shabazz.

I met Shabazz along with Hamza Perez, the focus of the “New Muslim Cool” documentary, approximately three years ago at the Ershad Center in Miami.  Shabazz gave a lecture about his recent stay and studies in Syria and some of the challenges he faced being a Blackamerican in the Middle East.  He also spoke of the impact of his grandfather and his decision to follow the Ja'fari school of thought.

After this meeting and having some conversations with Shabazz the following three days, I interacted with him later at conferences in other states and spent time with him when he visited Michigan.  My last discussion with him was after he gave a lecture at Michigan State University last year in which he later attended the Islamic center off campus in which I was the khateeb for Jumu'ah.  I definitely noticed an evolution in his ideas and purpose.

Shabazz was more than a man with brushes with the law.  He spoke at conferences about human rights and joined in solidarity with immigrant and workers' rights activists in the Latino community.  He made Hajj and was a reader of philosophy.  He was a father who was beloved by his family and was respected by many Muslim youth, Blackamerican community organizers and leftist activists.

I am not delving into conjecture about the veracity of media reports surrounding his demise or if his homicide was part of a broader conspiracy.  Shabazz was Muslim, who went through many struggles in life.  I ask that we pray that he receives ease in the grave and that his family is grant patience during this difficult time.

The post A Deeper Look at Malcolm Shabazz- Grandson of Malcolm X Murdered in Mexico appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

I traveled to Riyadh to meet Shaykh Ibn Baz, carrying with me a copy of an invitation to a concert in our city Dammam in Saudi Arabia. To tell you the truth, I was not sure if my visit would make any difference; these types of concerts were supported by some powerful people in that region. I had only met Shaykh Ibn Baz a few times up until that point and I didn't even think he knew me as I was only a freshman in college.  So here I was, an unknown freshman, entering the office of the Mufti of Saudi Arabia.

His office was large; it could host up to seventy people in my estimation, but it was simple.  In the middle of the room was a large desk that was filled with files–letters that were coming from all over the world.  There was a phone next to him that did not stop ringing as questioners, ranging from judges and students of knowledge down to the average Muslim, called the shaykh's line to ask him for fatwas.  I realized the uniqueness of my position, being in the presence of Shaykh Ibn Baz, was not so unique at all.

It was he who gave his audience to everyone who requested it.  Past the desk there was a comfortable arm chair that he would sit on and there were two chairs across from it and one chair on each of its sides.  On each side an assistant would sit, one to read his letters and one to write his answers as the Shaykh was blind, and those requesting a meeting with the shaykh would sit in either of the seats across from him. The Shaykh was never seen sitting behind his desk; he never wanted to have a barrier between himself and the people.

He start asking me about the da'wah in our city, my studies, and the Shuyūkh that he knew in our region.  He then asked, “What can I help you with, son?”  I told him about the upcoming concert, and he said “La Hawla wala Quwata illa billah.  I will see what I can do.”

I thought my job was over and so I said, “Jazak Allāh khaira” and was going to leave, but he asked me to wait.  He called Prince Naif , the Interior minister at that time, and said among other things: “I have one of the mashayikh here. He came to me complaining about a concert that will happen in Dammam and I've talked to the governor of the Eastern Province many times before about similar issues and he did not listen to my advice so I want you to take care of it and talk to him. I will wait for your call.”  The shaykh made du‘ā’ for him and ended the call.  I was quite scared when I realized he was talking to the interior minister of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia;  I was too young and insignificant to deal with or witness that level of communication!

The shaykh again asked me to wait and he said: “May Allāh let us hear a good response today.  May Allāh guide him to stop this haram.” While I sat and waited I witnessed something that I have never seen in my life from any Shaykh other than Shaykh Ibn Baz.

His secretary read a letter from a woman from Mauritania requesting Shaykh Ibn Baz to continue his financial support to her son who was studying in college. She said that if his financial support stops, then her son might need to quit studying and start working to provide for the family. She wrote, “The only one I could think of after Allāh is you, Ibn Baz, to help.” Her son had only 2 years left to finish his studies. The shaykh asked his secretary to give her the financial support for the next two years.  His secretary responded saying, “The donation fund is empty.”  Ibn Baz then ordered him to give from the zakah fund, but the answer was the same!  Shaykh Ibn Baz said, “Give her from my personal account” only to find the response was the same: “You have no money left for this month, O Shaykh. You have given it all in similar cases.”  I later learned that the Shaykh had a dedicated portion of his monthly salary that went to cases of charity, and by the middle of the month, that portion was completely depleted.  Then the Shaykh said, “Take a loan in my name, send the money to the woman and I hope I would be able to pay that loan back soon.”  The mufti of Saudi Arabia, a man with a million possible excuses to offer, taking a loan for a woman in Mauritania that he would never benefit from at all in this world – I simply could not believe what I was seeing!

In less than one hour the Shaykh received a phone call from the prince to let him know that he canceled the concert and he made sure that such practices would not happen in the future. The Shaykh was so happy that I could see it on his face and kept saying alḥamdulillāh so many times. Then he thanked me as if I was the one who canceled it and he encouraged me to always stand up for the truth and to take action upon seeing wrong.  He asked me to join him for lunch that day and I learned even more great lessons from him that I hope to share soon.

The respect I received that day in my youth and the confidence that was instilled in me by him made me who I am today. His caring for the weak, the poor, and those who were close and far from him made his excellency, Samahat Alshaykh Ibn Baz, the man he was .

This is a weekly series of stories about my teachers and what I have learned from them through my years of studying with them. If you enjoy these stories and lessons and think they should continue, please show your support by commenting here and liking and sharing the post on my Facebook page!

The post Life Lessons – A Mother’s Letter | Shaykh Waleed Basyouni appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

The main maqsad or purpose of the human being in this life is to submit to the will and decree of Allāh and worship Him from his first breath to his last.

Allāh through His immense wisdom and prudence has decreed the people be tried and tested in various ways in order for Him to develop their psyche and to strengthen their character towards that which is pleasing to Him.

Going through suffering makes us normal and draws us closer to Allāh. As an imām I am frequently asked by people who are going through difficulties in life 'why does Allāh give us trials?'

At that point it is always beneficial to not only provide them with the philosophical answers but it is crucial that they receive some sort of counseling.

It is always important for us believers to remind each other of the divine wisdom of calamities and misfortunes in life. Everyone, in various capacities, goes through difficulties in life.

The believer, however, is cognizant of the fact that the trials that he/she encounters are there so that Allāh can develop and strengthen his character. They remind us of our limitations as human beings and our complete need of Allāh. The consequence of not fully comprehending the divine wisdom of tests, I have observed, is complete denial of the existence of Allāh, may Allāh save us.

In the next few installments I will be expounding upon a prophetic tradition on this very subject, which is extracted from a lecture I delivered a couple of years ago at an Islamic Institute in London, based on a book called 'Prophetic Guidance on the Purification of the Soul' by Dr Sharaf al-Qudat (Jordan).

عن أبي هريرة أنَّ رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال يقول الله تعالى ما لعبدي المؤمن عندي جزاء إذا قبضت صفيَّه من أهل الدُّنيا ثمَّ احتسبه إلا الجنَّة. رواه البخاري

Abu Hurayrah reported: The Messenger of Allāh said:

“Allāh, the Exalted, says: “I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favorite one from the inhabitants of the world.” (Bukhāri)

This Hadith is a Hadith Qudsi which means 'holy' or 'pure' hadith. A Hadith Qudsi is a hadith in which the Prophet relates to the people what Allāh says in its meaning [ma'nan] and its wording [lafdhan], because of His saying: ''slave of mine'', if it was from the Prophet then the wording would have been: ''a believing slave'' as it occurs in the first part of the hadith therefore, this hadith is from Allāh, the Most High.

Some people may find this strange. Because if it is Allāh's speech why is it not included in the Qur'an?

The simple answer to this is that the Qur'an is part of Allāh's speech and not His entire speech. For example the previous revealed books i.e. The Torah and the Gospel in their original form were also Allāh's speech but they are not part of the Qur'an. This is also true in the case of hadith Qudsi.

However there are some fundamental differences between the Qur'an and Hadith Qudsi:

• The Qur'an is unique and is inimitable in both its word and meaning. However the Hadith Qudsi is not inimitable.
• The narration of the Qur'an is 'Mutawatir' or consecutive and uninterrupted. This means it has been narrated by a large number of people in every level of the chain such that it is impossible for all of them to make a mistake or error. Not all Hadith Qudsi are Mutawatir there are many that are Ahad meaning the number of people in every level are less than the mutawatir chain. Therefore some of the hadith Qudsi are Sahih, Hasan, Da'if and even Mawdu'.
• The Qur'an is recited in the ṣalāh and the mere recitation of the Qur'an is 'Ibadah. This is not the case with Hadith Qudsi. [al qur'an muta'bbad bitilawatihi].

This hadith reminds us of the divine test which we may encounter in this world:

The test of Allāh through misfortunes or calamities.

Why does Allāh test us?

What are the wisdoms of misfortunes?

Firstly: Misfortunes and calamities are from the sunan [conventionary practice] of Allāh in the universe for which every person is inflicted with, Allāh says:

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ ٱلْخَوْفِ وَٱلْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ ٱلأَمَوَالِ وَٱلأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّابِرِينَ

“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere”(2:155)

And He also says:

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُواْ ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ خَلَوْاْ مِن قَبْلِكُم مَّسَّتْهُمُ ٱلْبَأْسَآءُ وَٱلضَّرَّآءُ وَزُلْزِلُواْ حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ ٱلرَّسُولُ وَٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ ٱللَّهِ أَلاۤ إِنَّ نَصْرَ ٱللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

“Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: “When (will come) the help of Allāh.” Ah! Verily, the help of Allāh is (always) near!” (2:214)

Secondly: The purpose of misfortune and calamity is not necessarily for revenge, punishment or humiliation:

وَأَمَّآ إِذَا مَا ٱبْتَلاَهُ فَقَدَرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقَهُ فَيَقُولُ رَبِّيۤ أَهَانَنِ

“But when He tries him, restricting his subsistence for him, then he says (in despair), “My Lord has humiliated me!” (Fajr:16)

Calamities and misfortunes are often tests from Allāh. There is much wisdom in such tests; in fact there is wisdom in everything Allāh does. The most prudent are as follows:

1-Establishment of Allāh's proof:

Allāh does not reprehend a people unless they, out of their own will and deed, deny the proofs of Allāh after it has been made clear to them.

If Allāh simply created people without putting then through some test in this life, and then announces to a group among them, 'enter the Hellfire' they will respond, 'O our Lord give us a chance [to do good], command us whatever you wish and we will carry out everything you demand of us'.

If they are not given the opportunity to do good they will feel that they have been wronged. So Allāh wants to give them this opportunity to establish the proof upon them. This is despite Allāh's knowledge that the polytheists, on the Day of Judgment, will swear by Allāh that they have not associated partners with Him, Allāh says, ''they will say, by our Lord we have not committed shirk''

Anas bin Malik said, “We were with the Prophet and he smiled so broadly that his molar could be seen, then he said: “Do you know why I am smiling?

We said, `Allāh and His Messenger know best.'

He said: “Because of the way a servant will argue with his Lord on the Day of Resurrection. He will say, “O Lord, will You not protect me from injustice” [Allāh] will say, “Of course.” The servant will say, “I will not accept any witness against me except from myself.” [Allāh] will say, “Today you will be a sufficient witness against yourself, and the honorable scribes will serve as witnesses against you.” Then his mouth will be sealed, and it will be said to his faculties, “Speak!” So they will speak of what he did. Then he will be permitted to speak, and he will say, “May you be doomed! It was for you that I was fighting.”” [Reported by Muslim and An-Nasa'i]

This is the meaning of Allāh, the Most High's, statement:

الْيَوْمَ نَخْتِمُ عَلَى أَفْوَهِهِمْ وَتُكَلِّمُنَآ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَتَشْهَدُ أَرْجُلُهُمْ بِمَا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ

“This Day, We shall seal up their mouths, andtheir hands will speak to Us, and their legswill bear witness to what they used to earn” (Ya-Sin: 65)

And:

حَتَّى إِذَا مَا جَآءُوهَا شَهِدَ عَلَيْهِمْ سَمْعُهُمْ وَأَبْصَـرُهُمْ وَجُلُودُهُم بِمَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ وَقَالُواْ لِجُلُودِهِمْ لِمَ شَهِدتُّمْ عَلَيْنَا قَالُواْ أَنطَقَنَا اللَّهُ الَّذِى أَنطَقَ كُلَّ شَىْءٍ وَهُوَ خَلَقَكُمْ أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ

“Till, when they reach it, their hearing (ears) andtheir eyes and their skins will testify against them asto what they used to do. And they will say to theirskins, “Why do you testify against us?” They will say:“Allāh has caused us to speak — as He causes all thingsto speak, and He created you the first time” (Fussilat: 20-21)

All these texts refer to after the slaves have associated partners with Allāh and disobeyed Him. How would they be if Allāh did not give them the opportunity to repent or do good deeds?

2-Thorough examination (tamhis):

Difficulties unveil the true nature of people by sieving out the good from the bad, the righteous from the wicked and the believer from the hypocrite.

Such thorough examinations are of great benefit for the Muslim community. Allāh says, in the verses which speak about the battle of Badr and what the Muslims have obtained in it, clarifying the wisdom of this testing.

مَّا كَانَ ٱللَّهُ لِيَذَرَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَنْتُمْ عَلَيْهِ حَتَّىٰ يَمِيزَ ٱلْخَبِيثَ مِنَ ٱلطَّيِّبِ

“Allāh will not leave the believers in the statein which you are now, until He separateswhat is evil from what is good” (Aal-Imran:179)

Difficulties, also, enable you to identify your true friends and helpers from friends of convenience as a poet said:

جزى الله الشدائد كل خير وان كنت تغصصني بريقي

وما شكري لها إلا لأني عرفت بها عدوي من صديقي

“May Allāh reward hardship with all good though itstrangles me and makes me breathless. And mygratitude towards it is not for any other reasonexcept that it enabled me to recognise my friend frommy enemy”.

3-Expiation of Sins (Takfir al-Dhunub):

Allāh may decide to punish a person for his sin in this world rather than in the hereafter.

There is no doubt that the punishment of this world despite its magnitude is nothing compared to the punishment of the hereafter, however light it is, Allāh says:

وَلَعَذَابُ الاٌّخِرَةِ أَكْبَرُ لَوْ كَانُواْ يَعْلَمُونَ

“But truly, the punishment of the Hereafter is greater if they but knew” (Al-Qalam:33)

There are many texts which show that Allāh expiates sins of people through inflicting them with some misfortune or calamity. They include:

The hadith of the Prophet in which he said, 'The believing man and woman will continually be tested in his self, his children, and his wealth until he meets Allāh and that which he has of the misfortune.”

And his statement, When Allāh desires for His servant some good, He hastens his punishment in this life, and when Allāh intends some good for His servant He will postpone His punishment until he will be recompensed on the day of judgment''.

In addition, the authentic statement of the Messenger of Allāh : Abu Sa'Īd Al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah both narrated that the Prophet said:

“A Muslim is not afflicted by hardship, sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression – even if pricked by a thorn, but Allāh expiates his sins because of it” [Bukhāri]

4-Elevation of ranks (Raf' al-Darajat):

This is from the apparent meaning of the hadith. If a believer after being afflicted by a misfortune or hardship patiently perseveres, his sins are forgiven and he is raised up in ranks.

This was the condition with the prophets and messengers. They were all tested and tried and thus Allāh , because of their patience and forbearance, raised their ranks amongst the people. The evidence for this is the hadith at hand,

“I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favourite one from the inhabitants of the world.”

We also read this in a hadith narrated by Anas who said that he heard the Prophet say that Allāh said:

إذا ابليت عبدي بحبيبتيه فصبر عوضه منهما الجنة

“When I affect my slave in his two dear things(i.e., his eyes), and he endures patiently, heshall be compensated with Paradise”. (Bukhāri)

5-Admonition for the negligent and a warning:

This is considered like a warning that is issued to a student or an employee who is being negligent or has some shortcomings.

The aim is to alert the person of the shortcoming. If the person takes heed he will be successful otherwise he will deserve the punishment. Perhaps the evidence for this is His, the Most High's, saying:

“Before you We sent (messengers) to many nations,and We afflicted the nations with suffering andadversity, that they might learn humility, Why then, did they not supplicate in humility when a calamity from Us came upon them? Instead, their hearts were hardened and Satan adorned for them what they were doing. [An'am: 42-43]

Adversity and calamity struck them because they neglected to supplicate to Allāh in humility. They did not comprehend the wisdom of tribulation and as such did not turn to Allāh in humility. Instead, Satan adorned for them what they were doing.

6-Destruction which serves as a punishment for those that were warned but did not heed the warning and persisted upon committing sins:

Allāh says:

فَأَهْلَكْنَٰهُمْ بِذُنُوبِهِمْ

“…For their sins We destroyed them…” (An'am:6)

And, ''Indeed We have destroyed generations before you when they transgressed, and their Messengers had come to them with clear signs, but they were not the ones who would believe. This is how We punish the guilty people'' [Yunus: 13]

Also:

وَإِذَآ أَرَدْنَآ أَن نُّهْلِكَ قَرْيَةً أَمَرْنَا مُتْرَفِيهَا فَفَسَقُواْ فِيهَا فَحَقَّ عَلَيْهَا ٱلْقَوْلُ فَدَمَّرْنَاهَا تَدْمِيراً

“When We decide to destroy a population, We(first) send a definite order to those amongthem who are given the good things of this lifeand yet transgress; so that the word is provedtrue against them: then We destroy themcompletely” (Al-Isra: 16)

7-A reminder of Allāh's favors upon mankind:

That is because man, who has been created with the faculty of sight, often forgets the blessing of being able to see. He does not fully give its due right.

If Allāh was to temporarily take away his sight then return it to him he would realise the value of this great bounty.

Constant bounties and good-fortune often makes people forget the value of these bounties good-fortune for which they forget to show gratitude. Allāh takes it away from people and then returns it to them in order for them to be reminded about these bounties and that they show gratitude to Allāh for them.

Suffering makes us human.

Suffering and adversity have existed as long as human beings have. When we suffer we are connected to the common fate of the people who came before us and the people who will come after us.

Indeed, in tribulations there is a reminder for the person afflicted and others of the bounties of Allāh . For example, when a person encounters a senile person he will appreciate the blessing of intellect. When a person observes a non-believer living his life like cattle, he will value the blessing of īmān [faith]. When a person meets a sick person he will realize and value the blessing of good health. When he sees an impoverished person he will appreciate the blessing of wealth. When he encounters an ignorant person he is thankful for the blessing of knowledge. A person whose heart is awake and open to the reality will show gratitude but those who do not have [awakened] hearts will not show gratitude for the bounties of Allāh ; instead they will be haughty and behave arrogantly towards the creation of Allāh!!

8-Lessen people's attachment to the Dunya:

If the dunya was free of any hardship and misfortune then people would have even been more attached to it and neglect the next life.

However, calamities and misfortunes alert people to the realities of the life of this world and awaken them from their neglectful state. Also they remind them about the next world which is free of any kind of misfortunes except for the wrongdoers.

9-Strengthening the personality of the believer (Saql Shakhsiya al-Mu'min):

Through hardship and difficulties Allāh makes firm the hearts of the believers. This is why Allāh chose our Prophet to grow up as an orphan and experience numerous hardships. As for those children who are pampered, generally, their personality is weakened because of this.

Through hardship and difficulty a believer is able to reach his full potential and growth in īmān and Taqwa.

10-Often a misfortune and calamity may come with a combination of wisdoms as in the case of the calamity at the battle of Uhud.

Allāh says:

إِن يَمْسَسْكُمْ قَرْحٌ فَقَدْ مَسَّ ٱلْقَوْمَ قَرْحٌ مِّثْلُهُ وَتِلْكَ ٱلأَيَّامُ نُدَاوِلُهَا بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ وَلِيَعْلَمَ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَيَتَّخِذَ مِنكُمْ شُهَدَآءَ وَٱللَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّالِمِينَ

“If a wound has touched you, be sure a similarwound has touched the others. Such days (ofvarying fortunes) We give to men and men byturns: that Allāh may know those that believe,and that He may take to Himself from your ranksMartyrs-witnesses (to Truth). And Allāh loves notthose that do wrong”.- and so that Allāh may purify those who believe and eradicate the disbelievers. (Aal-Imran:140-141)

In these two verses we can identify a number of wisdoms in what took place during the battle of Uhud:

1. Days of varying fortunes among people – these have its causes and reasons
2. Establishment of Allāh's proof against those who turn their backs on His Guidance
3. Elevation of the ranks of the Shuhadah [martyrs]
4. A test and tribulation to the believers
5. A warning to the negligent [non believers]

Suffering is only as bad as we make it. If we believe we are entitled to a life of comfort, then a life that consists of suffering is simply unfair, and who likes an unfair world?

But if we believe that life is about growth and that growth entails a degree of pain and suffering, then there is nothing unfair about it.

How many people are tested with a disabled child – for example – this [in turn] is an enormous test for his entire family, and a test for him when he grows, and also, a test for the entire society – to determine whether the society takes care of him. This also acts as a reminder to others of the bounties that Allāh grants them. Therefore, if the parents, the disabled, and others take heed – and the society fulfils its rights of the disabled, they all are rewarded according to their level of patience and how well they protected the weak and the afflicted.

11-Sometimes a hardship can be a blessing in disguise:

People who are afflicted with some misfortune may only see one side to the happenings and be heedless to other aspects, for which after a certain period of time, the beneficial side to the misfortune are unveiled to them.

Sometimes, they are convinced that the calamity they were suffering from was a good thing as opposed to being an omen or a calamity. Allāh says:

''Fighting has been prescribed for you even though you detest it, it may be that something you dislike be good for you, and it may happen that something you like be bad for you, Allāh knows while you do not''.

Suffering gives us a greater appreciation of the moments of comfort. If life were comfortable 24/7, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the moments of comfort. There would be nothing to compare comfort to. This is analogous to a marathon runner. If there were no suffering in running a marathon there would be no comfort, and certainly no sense of accomplishment, in crossing the finish line. Mountain climbers voluntarily endure excruciating suffering, often for weeks on end, in their attempt to reach the summit. They risk their lives; endure high altitude sickness, bottomless crevasses and glaciers, mountain storms, snow blindness, and sudden storms all to experience the several moments of magnificent comfort and satisfaction the mountain summit has to offer.

In addition, the misfortune may be good for his religiosity and for his next life, but even, also, for his living in the dunya.

12- Suffering is a normal part of parenting, marriage, working, and every other worthwhile endeavor: 

If we are in a constant state of suffering and anguish then something is most likely not as it optimally should be. However, periodic suffering in all areas of life is normal.

Every good marriage has periods of discord and uncertainty. Every healthy parent/child relationship goes through phases of disrespect and resentment with our children or parents not doing what we think they ought to be doing and us not doing what they think we ought to be doing. Jobs, homes, neighborhoods  and communities enter and leave our lives based on need, interest, and a variety of other factors, which are often based on suffering.

Lobsters are soft animals with hard shells that do not grow. When lobsters outgrow their shells they climb into a rock cleft. They face the uncertainty of being swallowed up by another animal or of being swept away by the current. Yet imagine if lobsters stifled their discomfort rather than using it as a catalyst for growth: they would be a miniature species.

We can emulate lobsters by accepting suffering as a sign that it's time for growth and renewal. The bottom line is that periodic suffering is part of every aspect of our lives and it need not be “bad.”

Suffering is what it is and what we make of it. Not pleasant, but generally not unbearable or unacceptable.

The post Why We Are Tested: The Psychology of Suffering & Misfortune – Part #1 appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

I want to apologize to all of you on behalf of Muslim adults, Muslim parents and the Muslim community as a whole.

I am sorry that your struggles as females are often overlooked. I am sorry that your sensual temptations are always underestimated. I am sorry that your fitnah for the opposite gender is rarely ever addressed as if, for some miraculous reason, you are expected to have stronger control over your carnal desires.

We have failed to recognize Muslim women's, especially the female youth's, trials of their voluptuous desires. At the most we have made an effort to acknowledge your desires to interact with guys, to be around them, to talk to them, to laugh with them, to share with them the details of your day, to have a boy follow you around, if at all your trials are recognized. Your desires have been marginalized to simply some emotional need of getting attention from the opposite gender. Let me be brave enough to say: That is wrong. Women want more than just the attention.

I confess that the strength of carnal desires in females is almost always underestimated within our Muslim societies. I am not here to run a comparison between the needs of men and women, I am here to simply acknowledge, affirm and attest that sexual desires are no less a struggle for a girl than a boy. Let it be clear, Islam makes no distinction.  Truly Allāh is the Most Just!

Allow me to say: I understand….

I understand that the opposite gender is a fitnah for you as much as you are a fitnah for the opposite gender.

I understand your battles and your struggles.

I understand that if you slip, on the surface or deeper, it's because you couldn't fight the strong inevitable desires coupled with the extreme hypersexual society we're raising you in.

I understand that it is wrong for our Muslim societies to have double standards, and I want you to know that no matter how many times you are reminded that you, as a female, should have a better control over your sexual desires than the guys, that you should be the one guarding your chastity more than the guys, that you are a girl and it is less likely for you to give into your carnal desires than the guys, please know that your religion makes no such distinction. Islam has prescribed the exact same punishment for the girls as for the guys.

I understand and my heart goes out to you, for all the trials of the opposite gender you are going through, for all the temptations you have to fight or you fail to fight.

I understand that if you slip and give into your voluptuous desires, it doesn't make you a whore. It simply makes you a human. Although, I truly admire those of you who have thus far kept your chastity, may Allāh azzwajal increase you in your strength and in your purity.

I understand, when I look at you teenage girls, especially those who are committed to their faith, trying their best to withhold their religious and moral values, modestly dressed yet can't help but fall into the trials of the opposite gender, I understand…

I understand that when that cute guy, or any guy that seems attractive whether because of his looks or his personality, asks for your number it is very hard to resist, when he calls in the middle of the night it is almost impossible not to pick up the phone. When he offers to pick you up from school, you just can't hold back, and when his hand runs through your hand the feeling is so amazing that you just can't stop him and when he leans in to kiss you the temptations can overtake your senses of right and wrong.[i]

I understand that although, without a shadow of doubt, these actions are wrong, the temptation of experiencing what you have been hearing about, watching, and observing since you were in kindergarten, every single day of your life, almost every minute, on TV, online, at school, at work, at the park, and especially what you've been reading in books, is simply too irresistible.

Do I feel for you? Absolutely! I feel for you if you couldn't hold yourself back from giving in to your very much existing and strong temptations of carnal desire.

I am sorry that we have not built a safer environment around you girls. And I am especially sorry, wholeheartedly, when we Muslims judge you and underestimate your bodily yearnings and cravings for the opposite gender, yet we give boys more benefit of doubts, more excuses for their temptations, for their fitnah than we offer you girls.

I am sorry that our societies only feel for boys, reinforcing again and again that girls are the biggest temptations for boys, but we almost never mention that boys are equally a temptation for girls, sexual temptation not just emotional temptation.

Although I might not be able to change the mindset of many Muslims out there, I promise you that I will not judge you inshā'Allāh. And that I will always be here to offer you an attentive ear and a shoulder to lean on should you need someone to talk to or understand your struggles.

Before I close my note, just remember two things as advice from me:

Firstly, if you fall, don't forget to repent and know that we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up[ii].

Secondly, don't give up. Keep trying to fight your temptations even if you keep falling. If you didn't guard your chastity from the beginning, it doesn't mean you have lost your chance. Allāh's Mercy encompasses all, and He is always ready to envelope us in His Forgiveness and Mercy no matter how deep we fall in our sins. Chastity starts when you leash your carnal desires and wait for the halal alternatives. That's the beginning of your chastity!

(And Allāh knows best)

The post Listen to Them and Understand their Sexual Struggles (of our Muslim Female Youth) appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

The khutbah can be viewed here.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, in  today's khutbah inshā'Allāh ta'ala we will talk about the importance of parents and some of the Islamic principles and tips that we as parents need to know when we deal with our children.

We all know, my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, that children are of the greatest blessings of life. Allāh tells us in the Qurʾān “Al maalu wal banuuna zeenatul hayatid dunya”. Money and children, that's what makes life beautiful for us. What makes life worth living even for those who don't believe in a God – for us, of course we have the akhirah but even for those who don't have any īmān, what makes life sweet? Al maalu wal banuun. And Allāh mentions this as a blessing for us, as a blessing that He has given us. Allāh says in the Qurʾān, Allāh is the One who has given you, He has aided you, He has helped you , He has blessed you with money and with children and that is why having children, this is a natural desire in every human being. It's ingrained  in us. Allāh says in the Qurʾān “It is pleasing to men, it is alluring to men that they desire women and they desire children.” Every single person, and of course the āyah is directed to men that they want women, and of course women as well want husbands, women as well they have the same desire, they want a loving spouse, they want a healthy relationship and they want children as well.

And in the Qurʾān we have so many stories of those who did not have children and they want to have children, so much so that they will even adopt in order to have a child. The famous story of Imra'atul Aziz in the Qurʾān, Yusuf, the story of Yusuf and the family that adopts him, they did not have a child. What does the wife say? And in fact the exact same phrase that this woman says, another woman also says in the Qurʾān; and that is the wife of Firawn. Firawn and Aziz, two different people in two different time places, they both did not have children. When Asiya the wife of Firawn sees this child and when the wife of Aziz, when Aziz brings home Yusuf, they both say the exact same thing: “This child, hopefully he will benefit us and we will adopt him as a son, we will take him as a son.”

You see, parents, they want children that when they grow older, these children will benefit them. That when they grow older, somebody will take care of them. Parents, they have it inside of them to see their children flourish, to see their children grow. It is an amazing psychological reality that no human being on the face of this earth wants to see another human better than him except for the father when it comes to his son or the mother when it comes to her daughter. You don't want to see your cousin richer than you, or your uncle smarter than you, even if you accept it grudgingly. But you're not happy to see another person richer than you. You're not supportive to see another person with a better job than you. You will accept it as a reality of life, okay there are people that are above, there are people that are below. But the only time that you will feel happy that someone is better than you is your own son or daughter.

You will genuinely feel proud. That's my boy, that's my daughter, he's done this he's done that. no jealousy at all, 100% support. And this is an amazing psychological reality that Allāh created in every one of us. And that is why, as I said, it's a natural desire to have children.

Ibrahim [as], he doesn't have a son or child, he makes duaa to Allāh. So Allāh sends him an angel to tell him yes you're going to have a child, you and Sarah will have a child and after this child you'll even have a grandchild. And Zakariya [as], he's making duaa to Allāh, that beautiful, that poetic duaa. He makes duaa to Allāh in a language that is so beautiful that we cannot even translate it into English, but he makes duaa that he wants a child, that I want a child that shall inherit from me, that shall carry my progeny on, and therefore it is indeed a sign of mercy from Allāh that He has allowed us to have children and that we take care of these children. And taking care of children as well is a human emotion. It transcends religion and culture. Muslim and kafir, we all love our children.

The famous story of the bedouin who came to the Prophet and he saw the Prophet kissing Hasan and Hussain, playing with them, throwing them up in the air -and this is his grandson. can you imagine what he would have done with his own children. We don't have any stories of how he raised Fatimah and Umme Kulthoom when they were babies because this was pre-Islam. But we have stories of Hasan and Hussain, that he would kiss them and he would play with them and he would allow them to come on his back when he was in sajdah, the most humbling and the most religious position. But when Hasan is on his back, crawling, he allows Hasan to play even if this is kind of interfering with ṣalāh, but that love that he has for his grandson, it allows him to remain in sajdah longer so that Hasan is not harmed when he stands up. So he's playing with his grandchildren, and he kisses them, and this Bedouin, he's amazed, he's astonished, and he says, “Do you kiss your children?” because in their culture, it was considered unmanly to show this love. It was considered a sign of weakness to show love to your children. Do you kiss your child like this? “By Allāh, I have ten children and I've never once kissed one of them.” He's trying to boast that he is so manly, he's so macho that he's never kissed any of his children. And the prophet [saws], even though he was the gentle rahmatal lil alameen and he had the height of adab, when he saw such callousness he could not help but give a callous response back. Because sometimes you have to be harsh and sometimes you have to be strict. This man is boasting that he is not merciful to his children. And he's swearing by Allāh, wallahi, and he's using Allāh's name to feel a sense of pride that I'm so detached from my kids.

And what did the Prophet say? Do I have any control over your attitude, that Allāh has snatched away rahmah from your heart? Is it my fault that you have no rahmah, that you're boasting that you don't kiss your own children? And this is a harsh response, this is a verbal slap on the face to this man, but sometimes harshness requires harshness. And this boast, it required a firm response back to it. That, are you boasting that you've never kissed your children, and then you expect me to sympathize or have mercy? Its not my fault, he said, that Allāh has stripped your heart of any mercy. And this clearly shows us, brothers and sisters, that in our religion, to have a loving attitude towards your children, this is a sign that Allāh has blessed you. It's a sign that you have rahmah in your heart.

As we said last week, that it is not the sign of a man to mistreat his woman. Now we say in this khutbah, it is not the sign of a man or a woman, it is not the sign of a loving parent to mistreat their own children, to always be harsh, to always be strict on their children.

And indeed as Allāh has blessed us with children, with every blessing comes responsibilities. With every blessing comes responsibilities. There is no blessing that comes with no strings attached. Children are one of the biggest blessings of life. In fact they are really what makes life worth living for everyone amongst us who does not even, as we said, even people without any religion, children will make their life worth living. How about us who have īmān? Of course children make our life much better living. So, with that blessing comes responsibility, and the primary responsibility that muslim parents have is to raise their children to be righteous muslims, to be good muslims.

Allāh says in the Qurʾān “Oh you who believe, it is your responsibility to protect yourselves and your families from the punishment of Allāh ”. And our Prophet said “Every one of you is a shepherd and you are responsible for your flock.” And number one, he said, the father is responsible for his flock and the mother is also responsible for her flock. The father and the mother, he mentioned the both of them in this hadith. They are both responsible for their flock and their flock is but one because their children are the same. Both mother and father are responsible for the same flock. They're responsible for the same set of sheep if you like. And both of them will be asked by Allāh about how they dealt with their flock, with their responsibility.

And therefore in today's short khutbah, I wanted to remind myself and some of you of some practical advice about tarbiyah, about raising children.  And today's khutbah is primarily directed at the parents. Today's khutbah, the emphasis is on the parents, so those who are parents, pay heed. Those who are not yet parents, pay extra heed; because every one of us, Allāh blesses and tests and tries through the issue of children.

The first advice to myself and all of you, and really the most important advice, the best way to raise one's children is to be a role model yourself in their lives. If you yourself are not of good character, there is no way your children will have a good character after you. And this is the ultimate reality. Brothers and sisters wallahi the media is to blame a lot, television is to blame a lot, internet is to blame a lot, society is to blame a lot. But the number one blame for a disrupted family, the number one blame for a broken family is the parents themselves. This is the number one blame. And before any of us, and I speak to myself before I speak to any of you, before any of us is ready to point our finger anywhere else, be prepared to take a solid look in the mirror. Because the number one guilty person in any broken family, in any broken relationship is the person you're looking at in the mirror. If you have not been a role model to your son or daughter, if you have not lived up to the ideals that you should live up to,  then how can you blame your own child for failing to live up to those responsibilities?

And there are two elements here by the way. When it comes to being a role model, there are two elements here. There's a worldly element and there's a religious element. There's a deeni and there's a dunyawi. There's a psychological and there's also a spiritual. When it comes to psychological, when it comes to the worldly element, there's a simple common sense here; that as you do, it shall be done unto you. It's not a coincidence, brothers and sisters, there are thousands of surveys done, it's not a coincidence that children who grow up with parents who are smoking are much more predisposed to smoking. Children who grow up in abusive households, abusive relationships, when the husband is beating the wife, that these children will also beat their spouses when they grow up. It's not something that takes rocket science. As you do in your family, your children will do when they grow up. This is the reality. This is the fact of science, of psychology, and it doesn't take rocket science.

And the fact of the matter, husbands, if you're mistreating your wife, if you're abusing your wife, are you going to blame your son when he grows up and he also then starts abusing his wife? If all you do is scream and shout at your wife, ask yourself, do you want your daughter to have a husband like you? Ask yourself this. Do you want your daughter to be treated the way you treat your own wife, the mother of your daughter? So, relationships begin in the house. Relationships begin with oneself. As you do unto others, your child will learn to do unto others. And this is wallahi the fact that scientists, psychologists, everyone can tell you and it doesn't take a genius to figure this out. So the first way to have good children is to be a good man or a good woman yourself. The first way to have children who are polite, children who are respectful, is to be polite and respectful in your own life to others.

And I have seen with my own eyes, brothers and sisters, I am now of middle age and I have grown up here. I'm of that generation that is of the first generation to immigrant parents here in America. And I have seen plenty of horror stories and plenty of good stories of the children of my generation that are now young adults, that are  now reaching their maturities and primes. I have seen with my own eyes, brothers and sisters, that every time a husband and wife, a couple, had good Islamic values in their life, the child eventually returns to Islam. Eventually. Yes I have seen some times children go away, especially in the teenage years, especially in the young twenties. But if the husband and wife raised them with an atmosphere of love, with an atmosphere of Islam, then when the child comes of age, when the child becomes twenty five or thirty, becomes a married adult, automatically they revert back to the only memory they have of living like a family, and that's the memory of their parents. And I have seen with my own eyes so many of my friends go through rebellious teenage years, go through a lot of evil, dating, womanizing, drugs, alcohol, then they grow into young men and women, they get married, they start their careers, and all of a sudden, they turn over a new leaf.

And why is this the case? Because when they are blessed with children, when these children have children of their own as young men and women, and they realize, you know what, I can't afford to let my son or daughter go. They have to change their own lives around. And how do they change it around? As I said, to the one memory that they have, the one role model that they grew up with, and that is their parents. And I have yet to see one example of a young man or woman who has grown up in a religious environment who permanently leaves that religious environment. I have yet to see one example in my own extended relatives and family and extended acquaintances that I knew growing up, this is the reality that I have experienced and of course there might be one or two exceptions, but the general rule of thumb: as the family is, so too when this child grows up, he will replicate that family in his own family.

And so, you want to have good children, start with yourself. Start with your own relationship with your spouse. This is the human level. There's a spiritual level as well. And the spiritual level, I've spoken about it here on this mimbar many times. And the best example is the story of Khidr and the young boy that he killed. Why did Allāh spare those two parents from this boy? Why did Allāh give them another boy that was better for them? Allāh says in the Qurʾān, the parents were righteous, the mother and father were good people, they were believers in Allāh , so Allāh did not want to test them with a rebellious, with an evil child. Allāh wanted to give them a good child, a respectful child. And so Allāh blessed them with another child that would be good to them, that would be righteous. Because they were righteous, Allāh gave them righteous children. So you want to have good children, you have to start with yourself. You have to start at home. You have to start with your relationship with your spouse. This is number one and this is something that religion tells us, science tells us, psychology tells us, every single doctor, every single person who knows anything about sociology, humanities, will tell us. This is the way of the world. As you do unto others, it shall be done unto you.

The second advice to myself and all of you: As ṣalāh, as ṣalāh, as ṣalāh. This cannot be overemphasized. We need to make sure that our children grow up praying on time.

Why? Not just because ṣalāh is important in our religion. Of course that is a big issue which we can get into, but we don't have time for this. Not just because our Prophet said,  make sure that your children are praying at the age of seven and then force them to do so at the age of ten.  Not just because we're required to do so, not just because Allāh says in the Qurʾān, “command your family to pray and be persistent in that command”.  Not just because all of this, no. There's also a selfish reason that every one of us should want our children to pray. When our children pray regularly, we are teaching them that there is an authority higher even than their parents. There is an authority that must be obeyed even more important than the authority of the parents.  And you see brothers and sisters, the one real authority to keep children in check when it comes to their parents is not the parents themselves, this is circular logic . The parent cannot force the child to respect the parent simply because it's a parent. This is a circular logic. You have to go to a higher authority, and that higher authority is only Allāh .

So when your child knows there is Allāh, and Allāh is watching me, and I believe in Allāh; when your child is praying regularly, when you child has that relationship with Allāh, and then he learns Allāh has told me to be good to my parents, our Prophet has said my mother, then my mother, then my mother, then my father. Our Prophet has said that jannah is underneath the feet of the mother. Now he learns the Qurʾān and Sunnah. It has an impact on him. Why? Because you have taught him to believe in Allāh . You've made him a good Muslim, you've given him those values. He knows who is his lord, he's praying on time, and now when his lord tells him “be good to your parents,” he will listen to his lord because this is not circular logic.

The mother cannot say “be good, I am your mother.” This is circular, right, this is going back to her. The father cannot say “you have to respect me, I am your father.” These are going to fall on flat ear-sand by the time the kid is a teenager, khalas he wont care anymore. But when the child believes in Allāh , when the child is regularly  praying five times a day, and he knows who is his lord, now you tell him, now he learns, now he hears in the khutbah, now he understands it is not my mother and father telling me to respect them. It is the Creator of my mother and father. It is my Creator, it is my Prophet, it is my book that is telling me this. Now all of a sudden the whole paradigm shifts, the whole reality shifts. And therefore, brothers and sisters, ṣalāh is of the utmost important element to make sure that your children are respectful, are good. And of course there's a whole other set of issues with ṣalāh in terms of routine, in terms of punctuality, in terms of responsibility, in terms of habits. All of this we can talk about in a different khutbah. But the person who prays regularly, all types of blessings open up, including the blessings of having good children, and this again goes back to my first point. If you're not praying five times a day, how do you expect your child to be praying five times a day?  If you're not living the life of the Muslim, how do you expect your child to do this?

And realize in the advice of Luqman [as], that famous advice of Luqman, which is the most comprehensive passage in the Qurʾān about parent and child relationships and parent and child advice and perhaps in one khutbah, that's another khutbah to be done, the advice of Luqman; what does Luqman say to his son? Of the first things that he tells his son, my dear son, make sure you pray regularly. Establish the prayer on time. This is in the top three pieces of advice he gives: Believe in Allāh, worship Allāh, then right then and there, right on the top of page, “ya bunaya aqimis ṣalāh”. Oh my son, make sure you're doing your ṣalāh. and therefore brothers and sisters, the second piece of advice to myself and all of you: the ṣalāh, the ṣalāh, the ṣalāh. if you're not praying, make sure you start praying and then have your family pray as well.

The third piece of advice: Make duaa for your children. Regularly, sincerely, make duaa for you children. Let me ask you, and ask yourselves this: When was the last time you raised your hands up to Allāh and asked Allāh to make sure your children are good, asked Allāh to guide your children, asked Allāh to protect your children from the evils of society? Wallahi brothers and sisters, ask yourself this. If you're not asking Allāh for it, why do you think you're going to get it? How do you think you're going to get it? if you're not asking Allāh for good children, if you're not asking Allāh to protect your children, frankly, where is your love for your children? Wallahi one of the most important duaas you should always be making, the Qurʾān tells you to make this duaa, its in the Qurʾān, pick it up. “Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhurriyaatina qurrata 'ayun wajalana lil mutaqeena imama”. Allāh tells you in the Qurʾān..make this duaa that “Oh Allāh bless us with good wives and good children , those that give us coolness of the eye” (i.e they make our lives easy, they don't make our lives difficult). Min azwajina wa dhurriyaatina qurrata 'ayunin. This should be our regular duaa.

And our Prophet said that the duaa of the father for his son, meaning the parent for the child, the duaa that the parent has for the child, Allāh never rejects that duaa. Allāh always accepts it. SubḥānAllāh one of the most acceptable duaas, one of the most highest chances of a duaa being accepted, the duaa of the parent for the child. When was the last time you made duaa? How often do you make duaa for your children? From now on, almost every duaa that you raise your hands up to Allāh,  include something about your children. Make sure you ask Allāh, oh Allāh protect my children from this environment, protect my children from the evils. Oh Allāh, make them good Muslims. Oh Allāh, guide them and guide others through them. Make that duaa from the heart and you know what, once again there's religious and psychological effects. Religiously, Allāh will bless them. Psychologically, when you're always asking Allāh, then when you see an opportunity to protect your children from evil, you will do it. When you see an opportunity to help your children religiously, you will do it. Because its on your mind all the time. If you don't even ask Allāh, then how will it come? If you don't even ask Allāh, you yourself will forget about it and you're not going to take advantage of every opportunity.

The fourth piece of advice, and I speak as somebody who straddles both cultures of the east and the west, as somebody who has lived for long periods of time in the east, and was born and raised in the west. As somebody who was born as the first generation, basically the first born generation here of my parents who came and I speak very frankly, that oh parents amongst us who have come from different cultures to America, realize that we now live at a different time and a different place and a different society and a different culture. Frankly, you cannot raise your children with the same rules and relationships that your parents had back home with you. It's not going to work any more. It's a different reality. It's not just times that have changed. You have literally uprooted yourself from one culture and planted yourself in a completely different culture. The techniques and tactics that your parents used with you, you cannot replicate them for this generation in this land. And therefore, you are the ones that need to learn, not the other way around. It's not your children's fault that they were born and raised here. Frankly, it's yours. You came here, not them. You're the ones who decided to come to this land. They were born in this land, they're looking at the society, they're absorbing the culture, then you're going to get angry at them, “how can you do this, how can you do that?” think about it brothers and sisters, who brought them here? Who's raising them here? You are. So cut them some slack and realize you are going to have to learn more than they will. This is their culture, it's not your culture. And in order for you to have an effective parent,  you will need to broaden your horizons. You will need to develop a new type of relationship with your children and that is a topic that is far beyond the khutbah  This is a life long experience, but I just want to point out certain elements here.

No doubt, and wallahi there's no question the media, and television and the internet, but you know this khutbah is not about blaming them and blaming those things. That's a reality. It's a reality I cannot change, you cannot change. What can we change? Well, what we do at home. How we filter those things out. I can't change the internet or Nickelodeon or whatever, the music videos  they're watching. This is the reality of the world we are living in. So instead of just blaming everything on that -and it might be true, there's a lot of blame there- instead of  blaming everyone else, ask yourself proactively, what can I do to better the situation? Yes the music videos are there, yes the evil stuff on the internet is there, yes drugs are everywhere, but instead of just cursing and slandering and blaming, ask yourself: what can I do to protect my son and daughter?

This is the proactive mentality. Instead of  just every pointing finger, see what is reality. See what is the best way to raise your child, and I have some basic points of advice here. First and foremost,within this area  of changing cultural paradigms, do realize, brothers and sisters  that our children, they do have a sense of  know it all, a sense of I know better than my parents . Understand this. And they get this sense because of many facts of life. I mean, lets be realistic here. Our children know better than we do about technology. Our children know better than we do about the latest gadgets, about the latest this and that. And I will tell you, I grew up here. I thought that I knew this society and culture. Now that Allāh has blessed me with children of my own, believe me I don't know the difference between this and that  and sometimes my kid comes and tells me oh you need to get the iphone 5 because this has this and this has that and I don't know these things anymore, because now I'm getting out of touch. Even though when I was growing up, and I grew up in a western environment, I felt this way about my own father, that I'm more technologically advanced, that I'm in tune with everything. But this is a reality that when we reach a certain age, our children are more in tune with technology.

Now let me ask you, put yourself in the shoes of that 10 year old, that 12 year old. When he knows his father does not know how to operate a computer as well as he does, when he knows every single gadget on the market, he is more aware than his father, isn't it natural for this 10 year old to think I know about life and reality and culture and society and people better than my father does? Put yourself in his shoes. Do you blame him? And then it is true: the media also, television also, it gives the sense that the parents are backward and the child is know it all and the child is right. Yes it is true we can blame the media, but lets also sympathize a little bit.  Is it really this child's fault now, to think this way? It's our job to educate the child: you know what? You don't know everything. You might know the iPod or the iTouch or the I this better than I do, but you don't know human society. You don't know interactions. You haven't tested humanity the way that I have. You haven't lived amongst people the way that we have. And that's your job in a gentle manner to teach the child.

And one of the best ways to do this brothers and sisters, and this is very difficult for those amongst us who have been raised in a different society and culture. We need to learn, there's a common expression in America here that parents have to be friends with their kids. You know perhaps that's not going to happen, let's also be realistic, but let me tell you one thing frankly. Perhaps you're not going to be friends with your kids, but you will have to learn to have conversations with them that are beyond just rebuking or ordering or commanding. You're going to have to learn  to talk to them and not at them. Look now, examine your own life. When you talk to to your children, what is it about? Is it always “do this” “don't do that” “how could you have done this”? if this is your whole relationship with your son or daughter, frankly you're setting yourself up for failure .When is the last time you actually had a conversation that was not rebuking, not commanding,  not derisive, not sarcastic? Yes they deserve a little bit of harshness every once in a while but if that's the only thing you can show them, what do you think their attitude will be towards you? Especially when they grow older, especially when they hit the teenage years, especially when they get their car and they get their first taste of freedom. I agree perhaps in our culture you can't be a friend to the child, okay. But you must be friendly with them. You must have some positive relationship that is above and beyond just rebuking and always getting angry at them. Have a conversation “what's happening?” “what's going on?” “what did you learn in school?”

Take them out, spend some quality time with them. And this is one of the biggest differences maybe between the previous generation and our generation. That perhaps for many of us, our fathers didn't really go out and play soccer and play basketball with us, with our friends. Perhaps. And you know I'm not criticizing them, maybe that works back there, I don't know. But over here, in this land, over here where we are, you have to have some type of friendly relationship with your own son or daughter. Let me put it this way, let me be really frank here. If your son or daughter does  not feel comfortable coming to you for a problem that they're facing because of a mistake they might have done, then wallahi this is a very big problem. If your son or daughter has committed a mistake, and lets be honest, they're all going to commit mistakes because that's a part of growing up. Did you also not commit some mistakes when you were teenagers? Let's be honest here. If your son or daughter commits a mistake and then they don't want to come to you for help to clear that mistake up, well then honestly how are you being a good parent there? You need to have the doors of communication open. If your son or daughter is going through a standard problem of the teenage years, when they reach 13, 14, hormones are going to kick in, they're going to want to be interested in someone of the opposite gender, they're surrounded by drugs, pornography is everywhere. If you're not going to open up the channels of communication, if your son or daughter feels awkward coming to you, well then they're going to go to another teenager, they're going to go to the internet, they're going to go somewhere else for help.

No doubt maybe our parents could never have spoken to us about these issues. But I am telling you as somebody who straddles both generations, we need to be frank with our children. We need to tell them about things and honestly they probably know about these things before you mention them. But the very fact that you open up the topic, the very fact you take your 13 year old son and you tell him about the problems of internet pornography -and believe me every 13 year old knows about pornography, believe me every single teenager knows about this- if you're not going to open up  the door, if you're going to be so taboo oh I cant do this, well then how do you expect him to come for help to you if something happens that he needs some help about. There has to be open channel of communication. Mothers, talk to your daughters about the realities of this world. Talk to your daughters about basic biological facts. Let them know that you'll listen if they need any help, I'm here for you. Just give a generic statement like this. “If you need anything, come to me first, I will help you out”. Just generic statements like this so that they know that their parents are there to help them in case they need that help.

Few more points, point number six in our list here, the Qurʾān tells us -to basically summarize- the Qurʾān is saying test your children with responsibilities. Test the orphans in this case they're being raised in the family, give them responsibility and see how intelligent they are. So a part and parcel of  raising children is to stop treating them like kids when they're no longer kids. As our children grow up to become young men and women, and when do they become young men and women? According to Islamic shariah, when they hit puberty. And what that means at the age of 13, 14, 15 max, but usually 13, 14, Islamically speaking, these young children are now fully grown adults, according to the shariah; which means they are legally responsible for their sins, for their personal lives, for their ṣalāh, for their relationships, when they hit puberty they are young men and women according to the shariah.

And I have said this many times before, one of the biggest complaints that I have about modern culture is this period of adolescence, of teenage years where children are treated like children even though intellectually, biologically, they're adults. Personally I don't believe in this. You start treating a 13 year old like a young man or woman because they are, at this stage, a young man or woman. You give them responsibilities, now obviously not all at once, you test them bit by bit. As the Qurʾān says, the verse is about an orphan, when do you return the money, but again it applies to our own children. Give them responsibility. And our scholars of fiqh explain this and they say so you give some money to the child and you say, when he's in the marketplace, “go buy this” and then see does he buy the right item or not. And then you increase that responsibility. This is a part of our culture. You cannot pamper your kids until they're 18 years old, it's not going to work that way. Our children are going to face the real world, so we have to prepare them with responsibilities at home. And yes, you can quote me on this to your children: chores as well. It's a very important part of growing up. They're not always going to have their mother to clean after them. You have to have children learn to become self sufficient. This is a reality for their own good. You need to wash your dishes, you need to take care of your room, clean your room, do your clothes. This is a part of the responsibility to grow up. If you're going to treat them like kids, well then don't complain when they're 18 and they're still acting like kids. You need to start treating them like young men and women.

And the final point -time is of the essence here, there was much more but time is of the essence- the final point that I have for today's khutbah: A good environment, Islamic environment, the masjid, Islamic classes, Sunday schools, and I put this the last because many of you put it number one and they don't realize this is in fact the very last issue. Number one is yourself. Number one is your own house. Number one is the family environment. If that is in order, everything else is secondary. But many families, they literally think of Sunday school or the masjid one hour a week to be the magic cure. They drop their kids off, then they pick them up in an hour, and then they complain and they say “Sheikh, my kid is rude to me.” And that's the only exposure they have to Islam is that one hour of Sunday school. No, this is the very last thing but it is also important.

Come regularly to the masjid. Let them see what is Islam. Let them see the Muslims. Let them interact with other Muslim children. And that's why here we are very eager about not just building a masjid, we want to build a family center. We want to build a place where our youth, they are pushing us to come and go; they're interested to come to chill out, to play basketball, to just socialize because we want them to be in this environment. Islam is not just about the ṣalāh, it's about living your life and that's what we want over here as well. So yes it is important, but I put this right at the end of the list because the most important is at the home. The most important is you and your wife, then everything else is secondary but outside of the house what can you do?  No doubt outside of the house the most important thing is to have a good environment for your children, to make sure that their friends are also Muslim children, that you go to the masjid as frequently as possible.

And realize brothers and sisters, a khutbah or two is not going to solve the problem. It is a change in my lifestyle and your lifestyle and the final point of the first khutbah: realize that subḥānAllāh there is no magic cure, there is no solution to all of this. Even if you follow all of these guidelines, it is indeed possible that Allāh tests people with calamities and difficulties. Look at the prophet Nuh [as] and his son and what happened with his son. And Nuh [as] is a prophet. And Nuh did all of these things and much more than these things but Allāh chose to test him in a certain manner. So, do realize that there is no magic cure. It's a learning process, it's an ongoing process and we do what we can with duaa to Allāh, with help from Allāh ,with our own akhlaq and manners, and we put our trust in Allāh .

Brothers and sisters, the rewards of raising a good family, a righteous family, are too many to mention. And the losses for not doing so are also too great. I conclude this khutbah by simply reminding us of one āyah that talks about the blessings and one āyah that talks about the opposite of that. As for the blessings, Allāh says, “those people who believed and their children after them, they followed them in that belief, we shall join those children with their parents up in jannah”. And Ibn Kathir comments and other scholars comment and they say what this means is that if the parents lived a good life and they tried to have their children follow in that life, then even if the children didn't reach that high standard, Allāh will bless them and upgrade them to be with their parents as they were like one family in this dunya they shall be like that family in the akhirah. And what a beautiful blessing that is. What a beautiful blessing that is.  That  Allāh will bless parents through their children and children through their parents but if one or two of them was insufficient, was weak, then Allāh will over look that because of the family. This is what the āyah is saying. That if the general family, they were upon a righteous mentality, they were good people, one or two of them fall short, we'll raise them up, we'll bring them back to the whole family. As they were in this life, they shall be in the next life. What a beautiful blessing is that.

And what is the opposite of this? If you don't live up to this, Allāh says in the Qurʾān that, who is the worst loser, Allāh says, “the worst loser is the one who's lost himself and his family on yawmul qiyamah”. Neither did they benefit themselves, nor did they benefit their families because they had this materialistic, nihilistic, completely dunyawi lifestyle, not caring about Allāh and His Messenger not having anything of Islam. They might have enjoyed this life  but then in the akhirah they lost themselves, they lost their families, they lost everything. That is the ultimate loss. May Allāh protect us from ever facing that loss.

The post Making FamiliesWork – Tips for Muslim Parenting | Yasir Qadhi appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Charity Week 2012 is over now. The last cake has been baked and sold. The last poster taken down. The last penny counted. At the end of each Charity Week we reflect upon the events of the past year so that we may build upon our strengths and identify our weaknesses. The resulting document is the Charity Week Annual Report – one of the most comprehensive and detailed analyses of the workings of an Islamic youth project anywhere in the world.

Each year there are some surprises thrown up. One of the many benefits of having an Annual Report is that it allows us to share these amazing stories with each other and the wider public. Here are just 5 of them:

5. Fist-bump world record

Each year, volunteers try and come up with weird and interesting ways to get more publicity for the project. This year Liverpool University Islamic Society decided that they would get the world record for the longest continuous chain of fist-bumps. 145 pairs of fist bumps later – and they found themselves in the record books.

4. 87 years of experience

There was a mix of experienced hands and fresh faces in the Charity Week 2012 team – something all healthy teams need to help improve. There was a cumulative 87 years of experience between the national team alone – an average of nearly 3.5 years each. This is quite a feat in Islamic work which is (unfortunately) known for high turnover and burnout rate of volunteers.

3. The most expensive Islamic CD ever?

Every year there are auctions where canvas prints of Islamic calligraphy or other such items get sold to raise money. Sometimes, they just sell whatever is at hand. This year, a CD of Islamic talks – all freely available online – was sold for a staggering £2,535 (close to $4000.) Truly someone who appreciates the value of knowledge!

2. Donation from a homeless man

Charity Week volunteers are renowned for being able to talk anyone into putting something into the bucket for the sake of orphans and needy children. But even they were shocked when a homeless man took out the little spare change in his pocket and donated it for those “less fortunate than himself.” subḥānAllāh… it left many of us speechless.

1. Raising £448,401.36 (approx $668,000)

Whilst we always say that Charity Week is emphatically NOT about the money, itis worthwhile looking at that figure again. This is hard evidence if ever any were needed that if we Muslims work together and unite upon Islam – Allāh will pour barakah in our efforts. By working together, by going beyond the divisions that normally keep us apart, by reaching out to the disenfranchised majority of Muslim youth, by tapping the potential of a united Muslim Ummah – we can achieve the seemingly impossible. Millions of those suffering around the world are hoping you agree.

To read the full Charity Week Annual Report 2012 click here:

http://www.onecharityweek.com/files/cw-annual-report-2012.pdf

To get involved and bring Charity Week to your school/ college/ city:

info@onecharityweek.com

The post 5 Amazing Stories from Charity Week 2012 appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.