It’s that time again! I’m excited to announce another giveaway!

This is how our Eid al-Adha giveaway will work:

• I’ll ask a question (below)
• Myself and some sisters I like to call my shura team will choose the top 3 answers to receive a prize each.
• All 3 chosen answers will be featured in an article on MO with the reasons why they were chosen inshaAllah.

Each of the Three winners will receive 2 Hijabs of their choice and 1 other item of their choice (could be halal candy or an underscarf or a gorgeous hijab pin… anything) from The Souq.

The question is:

What is something you (or your family) do to make Eid (al-fitr or al-adha) special for yourself, your children and/or those around you?

Tips to have your answer chosen: Be honest, creative, original and stand out!

Winner will be announced November 20th (that’s in 2 weeks)

Don’t forget to check out our amazing sponsor ShopTheSouq.com (you have GOT to see their hijabs! MashaAllah!)

Psst: Don’t forget to make dua for those going on Hajj! And if you’re going, don’t forget to make dua for us!

Tell us a bit about Modest Beautiful Muslima Magazine.

At it’s bare minimum, Modest Beautiful Muslima (MBM) Magazine is a contemporary magazine for Muslim women. However, when looked at from all different perspectives, it is also for the non-Muslim women, the Muslim man, and the non-Muslim man. There are WAY to many misconceptions associated with the Muslim woman, which is one of the reasons why I started the magazine. Therefore, this magazine celebrates the Muslim woman within herself as well as to others. The Muslim women community is arguably the most diverse community amongst women. We have such a diverse representation whether it is what country we are from, what accent we have, or the places we encounter. Although very diverse, we have one thing that unifies us in a very strong way: Islam.

Tell us a bit about yourself and what inspired you to embark on a project like this!

My name is Yasmin Essa and I am the founder of the magazine, all praises due to Allah subhana wa ta’ala. I am currently 20 years old. Within the last year, I have reconnected to Islam in a way I can only thank my Creator for. Prior to this, I was straying from a gift I was given to at birth. Reconnecting to such a beautiful religion powered me with the motivation to do something beneficial for it. At first, I did not have a clue as to what I would do. This brain storming began this past April of 2009. I had some ideas that I never really ended up executing. I thought about starting a blog for Muslim teenagers called Bridging Islam, but I came to realize that was not what I was looking to do. On June 30th, 2009, I came to this idea of creating a magazine for Muslim women. Very anxious and excited, I spent the whole night thinking of its name. I finally came to link the words modest and beautiful together because I believe you can not have one without the other. That same night I registered the domain www.mbmuslima.com and with the guidance of Allah SWT, began my new venture. At first I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to construct a legit website, or how I would publish the magazine. Even with all of these barriers, with the guidance of Allah SWT, I was able to publish the first issue a month later on August 1st alhamdulilah. The rest was history. Even though it has only been 4 months, the magazine has grown so much. Alhamdulilah, there are over 700 readers so far. Four issues have been published thus far and with each one comes improvement. I pray that Allah SWT will bless all those who contribute as well as those who read and share the magazine.

Amin to your dua! MashaAllah that’s an amazing story! Do you have any plans for expanding the reach of the magazine or publishing a print version?

Yes! inshaAllah,(God-willing) I am in the process of figuring out the logistics for publishing the magazine in print. It will be a little hard to start up, as it is a non-Profit magazine, but that is exactly why I am working on it from now. I would like the magazine to be available in print within the next year, inshaAllah (God-willing). I am also currently expanding the reach of the magazine by including special features catered to non-Muslim readers. In the long term, I would like to start adding videos to the website.

What kinds of Articles can readers expect from MBMuslima?

The articles within the magazine range from many different topics: health, daily life, nutrition/food, fitness, family, Islam, leadership, etc.

How do you decide what will be in each issue? Do you have a plan or just look around for things that you think will work?

Certain things are in every issue, such as the Quran Challenge. As of the third issue, My Halal Kitchen (www.myhalalkitchen.com) recipes will have a column every issue, featuring three recipes from a specific cuisine. Also, Notes from Nazeeya is a new regular column written by Sister Nazeeya. She shares a short blog in each issue, starting from the third issue. The fourth issue just launched the pre-face and 1st chapter of a novel written by Sister Meena Ansari. Each following chapter will be released, chapter by chapter in the upcoming issues. As for the rest of the magazine, each issue has a specific core theme. From there, I have a general idea what I am looking for. However, at the same time, I never limit myself to a theme. If I receive a contribution article, I fit it in somehow, as long as it is appropriate, which has worked out great so far. The very first issue was featured with a Ramadan theme. The second issue followed with a continuation of Ramadan themes also with a spotlight on why Sister Brook Hymes converted to Islam. The third issue was a special feature issue, highlighting the accomplishments of Muslim women in their communities. The most recent issue, the fourth issue was themed as a Knowledge Issue. A large portion of this issue focuses on educating non-Muslims about what Islam really is.

How has the magazine and the stories you’ve published inspired you?

Each and every story inspires me as if it were the first story. They all inspire me for different reasons. Convert stories inspire me in the sense that they remind me how lucky I am to have been born a religion that is so dear to my heart, alhamdulilah (all thanks to God). They also touch me because they are so meaningful and pure. Every single article in Modest Beautiful Muslima has been nothing less than inspirational. Each article holds such a jewel-like takeaway message. These are the types of articles I wish will continue to be published in MBM, inshaAllah (God-willing)

Do you have a favorite story so far that’s been published?

First of all, I must say, I am absolutely terrible at picking favorites. The problem with picking a favorite story is that I enjoy each story for a different reason. No two stories are alike and therefore it is almost impossible to compare them to one another. I can say though that there has not been one story published yet that has not touched me.

I understand you do all the design work for the magazine and website, mashaAllah, as a web designer I know that’s a lot of work! How long does it take you to put together an issue once you have the material?

*Laughs* A long time! SubhanAllah, I am not too sure how each article gets pulled together so wonderfully. Alhamdulilah, I must thank Allah for making it possible as well as my contributors and readers. It is sometimes hectic juggling many things ( I am a full-time student and I also work a part-time job and involved in numerous campus organizations). However, Allah SWT has made it possible for me to somehow manage a good amount of time dedicated towards the magazine. Each month, I dedicate about 2 weekend days (about 10-12 hours / day) strictly working on editing/designing/publishing/updating website the 1st of the month. Besides that, I spend about 15-30 minutes a day maintaining social networks and answering E-mails. As far as writing articles, I do this during the first two weeks of every month and spread it out. I would say I spend about 10 hours total doing so in terms of writing.

What’s your story?

I have 2 children, my youngest (a boy) is 2. My eldest (a girl) is 4.5 years, we are in the process of having her evaluated for PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder), so far we’ve been told she more than likely does have a form of PDD. We’ve had 1 of 3 appointments after which we’ll be given the final diagnosis and go from there. I’ve chosen to keep the details of this private for the most part simply because it’s such a delicate and intricate issue, it’s very personal and honestly there is so much judgment passed on mothers, I don’t want to deal with that and i’m more confident when I’m not trying to explain it all to every next person. The natural self doubt of a mother is enough for me.

How did you know this was the right thing to do?

As a mother, I saw a need in my child and things that concerned me, I discussed these things with others whose opinions I value (some who are qualified early childhood teachers), I prayed, I went back and forth, I doubted myself, I discussed it with the Dr and a General Psychologist who told me that I needed to be more firm in my parenting, more self doubt, more discussing with others, waiting and seeing, more concern and one day after a particularly frightening incident I decided for the safety of my child and her long term well being, I was going to go forward with an evaluation, against the recommendations of the Dr.

If I got nothing else out of an evaluation, I would at least get some peace of mind. If they told me there’s nothing at all wrong with her, I would have a slight breakdown, then I would know to push on with our own coping methods and ways of helping her cope, be more creative with these approaches and wait for it to be outgrown (and/or get a second opinion). If they told me that there was something to my concern, I would have new found trust in my motherly instincts and I would have the first step in finding ways to help my beautiful, perfect little girl, deal better with the world around her.

I’ve been praised for my parenting by several people (including the evaluating Dr, that was extremely validating) but, i’ve also been criticized (who hasn’t?). I attribute all the good of course first to Allah, and then to my mother who taught me everything I know about being a mother and most certainly to my children, who are just perfectly themselves.

To me, healthy parenting is conscious parenting, regardless of what approach you take to raising kids. It requires you to be: Positive, Emotive, Honest and Aware. These four things are keys to what has helped me in parenting my delightfully normal and easy child and my beautifully different and difficult child (both of whom are outstanding little people and adored by many, no bias at all *wink*)

Positive.

If children are given too much negative feedback, they switch off. Tell a child ‘No’ enough and they will start to ignore it.  If someone were to constantly give you negative feedback, you would start to react negatively to that, whether internally or externally or both, children are no different.

Focus on the positive. If your child has shredded a piece of paper all over the lounge floor, and then picked them up as soon as you asked, start with the positive ‘Thank you for listening and picking up the paper when I asked’ and if you feel a punishment is in order, continue with that after acknowledging the positive. One thing I often say to my children is “You’ve been so lovely all day today, let’s not stop that now.”

Try to find ways around using negative words. For example instead of “Don’t hit the cat!” you could say “Be gentle with the cat!” In our house we don’t have a ‘Naughty Corner’ we have ‘Quiet time in your room’ it won’t work for all kids, but it has worked out well for us, they understand that they are going for quiet time (door closed) because they are misbehaving and not listening, and they don’t like it, but it works more often than not. Once they come out of the room, I get down to their level, discuss with them why they were there (first ask if they can tell me, then explain why) and then there are cuddles and encouragement to do better and they are sent off on their merry way.

Positive reinforcement, Positive reinforcement, Positive reinforcement. Give plenty of praise and always have it outweigh the negative. Things like ‘You’re doing a great job cleaning up your room, not much to go, well done!’ and ‘You’ve been a very good girl/boy today, I really appreciate that, thank you!’ and ‘No sticker on the chart today because you had an accident, let’s try again tomorrow.’

Remember that our job is to teach them and not to enforce rules upon them, thinking about rules, boundaries and punishments this way will put it all in a whole new light.

Emotive.

Feelings are a complicated thing, it’s up to us as parents to help our children understand what their feelings mean and what they can do with them. The old saying ‘Lead by example’ is never truer than when you are a parent.

You get angry, and it is perfectly healthy, perfectly normal and beneficial for your children to see your anger. I, of course, mean this in a healthy way, it is not healthy for your children to see you behaving aggressively or inappropriately when you are angry but the feeling of anger in and of itself is not an unhealthy thing.

When your children do something dangerous, it is beneficial for them that they see your fear. Seeing/hearing the fear when they do something like run out on the road or touch something dangerous, will often scare them enough alone that they will remember it and understand the danger without anything else.

Our daughter has some trouble expressing her emotions appropriately and so we have the ‘Your Emotions‘ childrens books series written by Brian Moses (I feel Frightened, I feel Angry, I feel Sad and I feel Jealous) it has been a huge help to her in understanding her emotions and (sometimes) finding appropriate ways to deal with them. I highly recommend this series.

The bottom line is, it’s not healthy or beneficial for your children for you to conceal your feelings or emotions from them entirely and explain things in an unnaturally calm tone to them all of the time just as it’s not healthy or beneficial for them to show your feelings in excess (Sad, Angry, Afraid are healthy, Depressed, Aggressive, Anxious are not). They need to see and hear the emotion and feeling in you in order to better understand you and themselves.

Honest.

This is true of the above ‘Emotive’ and it is true in general. If your child asks you a question, and you don’t know the answer, instead of telling them something that may not be accurate or that may even be completely made up, you could tell them ‘I don’t know! Let’s find out together’. Google is a household word for us, Mama is not a walking encyclopedia and so we will often Google if we want to learn about something.

Be honest with them about your feelings. It’s Ok to say things like ‘I’m sorry i’m in such a bad mood today! I’m not upset at you.’ or ‘I am sorry that I yelled at you for that, I didn’t mean to react that way, it’s ok if you shred paper sometimes, but please make sure you show me the paper first and clean up afterward’

It’s Ok to say ‘I’m sorry’ because you make mistakes too and they need to know that and it’s Ok to say ‘Thank you’ because they need to know they are appreciated and that what they do matters. Our children have feelings too, and it’s important for us to acknowledge that, come down to their level and give them some respect.

Of course, what you say to a child should be age appropriate, short and sweet is best for smaller ones. At any age it’s important to be completely honest and adjust the detail according to age and awareness. One important thing to remember is, children know and understand a lot more than we think. This is also important for the above ‘Emotive’ tip. I’ve always spoken to my children in big words, if necessary I will explain the big words i’ve used but often, they will pick up the meaning from the rest of what i’m saying.

Remember, our children learn from our actions and words not only about who we are but about themselves. Do not underestimate them and what they understand of both spoken and unspoken.

Aware.

Awareness is my key word for everything in life, not least for parenting.

Remaining aware (My mother calls it conscious) of our actions and how they affect our children will help to keep us from reacting in an unhealthy way for them and for us. Being aware that no-one is perfect and that includes you, will help us to give ourselves a break when we do overreact and will help us to say ‘I’m sorry’ when we need to.

Being aware of how our children are behaving and reacting to what we say and do, and being aware of what they themselves are saying and doing (and yes, it’s your job to eavesdrop on them sometimes, especially when they are little) will help ensure that you are in tune with them and will notice any changes or anything that might be affecting them in a negative way.

You as a mother have a special inbuilt instinct given to you by Allah (God) it’s called intuition and you need to trust it, it doesn’t work the same in everyone, and in some people it doesn’t work at all, but if you are conscious and aware in your parenting, be sure that you know your child better than anyone else, and be sure that they too, know you.

Of course, there is a lot more to being a parent than what i’ve talked about here and no two situations are the same, but these things are what I consider some of the most important parts of the healthy parent and child relationship.

We have:

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Have a look at our advertising page for rates and to fill out a form to request a spot.

To the sister who won! She’s been contacted and I’m waiting on her reply. In the case that she doesn’t want the prize (or doesn’t reply) I will re-draw another name inshaAllah!

Jazakom Allahu khairun for all your support and for all of those who signed up!

InshaAllah our next giveaway will be for Eid Al Adha! I’m brainstorming ideas of how to choose the winner!

See you there.

Update: Alhamdolillah she chose her hijab and it will be sent out very soon! Mabrook again sister Amina!

We’re partnered with ShopTheSouq.com to do giveaways!

And now, we’re celebrating! Here’s how to win:

• Become a member of the forum (or blog, registration with one will automatically register you for the other)
• Sign up for the newsletter

We’ll be randomly selecting one winner from among our newsletter subscribers and forum members to receive a free Hijab and matching Underscarf of your choice from The Souq!

What if you are a member of the forum AND subscribed to the newsletter? You get 2 chances to win!

We’ll be using an Excel method of choosing a random email from our subscribers (please see our privacy policy)

In support of Pink Hijab Day we will be announcing the winner on Wednesday October 28th (and on that note may we suggest The Souq’s Pink page)

Alhamdolillah after many, many loving hours of designing, re-designing, hating it and designing it again, finalizing the design and then changing it ALL again as I was coding it, coding it all to perfection each character of code typed out by hand (except what was borrowed from the last layout of course) graphics designed and created, bugs fixed and intricacies tweaked, wordpress brought into line, plugins carefully selected and voila!

You’ll notice there are several new categories and some of our old ones have slightly new names. You’ll find a special Voices section with Interviews inshaAllah and an Advice section! There’s a newsletter that will go out no more than monthly (and for special announcements) and a forum (if you register for the blog, you’ll automatically be a member of the forum and vice versa)

Let us know what you think! InshaAllah i’ll be announcing our first giveaway to celebrate the new layout very soon!

Before I go any further, I’ll be the first to tell you that I am not some sort of niqabi advocate. I don’t think it’s fard (compulsory), and I don’t even think that it is something recommended for Muslim women to wear. What I do think, is that it is an option. An option that is as equally respectable as the hijab. No more. We know that the Wives of the Prophet wore a full face veil. To deny that it is a part of Islam is folly to say the least.

At first, this “burqa banning” trend started with France earlier this year. Actually, we can say their reach in banning Islamic related things goes back to the year 2004 when they wanted to ban the hijab as well as other religious iconography. Then, earlier this week, we have a well respected scholar and dean of a University in Egypt decide that the students there should be banned from wearing the niqab. Not even a week later we have a Muslim group that wants to ban it in Canada.

There are two things I want to know: Why is this domino effect occurring, and where did common sense go?

No doubt about it, common sense tells us that women, in some cases, are truly oppressed and forced into wearing the niqab. None of us can deny this. If it isn’t pressure from our fellow sisters, it’s from our family, if it’s not from our family it’s from our husband’s family. If it’s not from the husband’s family it’s from the Masjid. The possibilities here are many.

Common sense also tells us that there are women who actually want to wear the niqab, as well. And I would put them in the overwhelming majority.

This is what really confuses me about secular governments. The big article, the one that draws in the love of secularism, is the separation of Church and State. Can somebody please tell me why the “State” is telling the “Church” what they can and can not wear? This is where democracy fails, and yes it fails. Sorry, but even our (the US) Founding Father’s loathed the idea of democracy, and I would consider them to be logical men. When the majority rules, the minority is not protected from their tyranny. Not in our real world society, outside of government.

I can understand that people feel concerned for the oppression of women, but we can not deny that today there are facilities and laws that protect women (in some places around the world) from the same type of oppression you fear for them. If the woman does not seek out this protection when it is widely available for her, does it sound remotely logical to ban the same article of clothing that many, many wear by their own free will?

If there is no facility or laws protecting women from such oppression then why are we not lobbying for these things instead of banning the niqab?

Here’s a thought. If one truly believes that the woman wearing the niqab is forced to do so, don’t you think that if she is forced to remove it from an outside party it is only she that suffers for it in the end? From the State AND the one forcing her to wear it? So what has been accomplished in that case?

Now, I feel the need to turn my attention to this Ummah. Over and over I have heard this week “Sheikh Tantwani is such a well respected, learned man!” Now that is where our (Muslims) problem lies. So what? He’s a well respected man, he’s knowledgeable, people get their deen (yes, I actually heard this) from men of his stature!

We HAVE to get passed this well respected crap, pardon my language. It’s crap, pure and simple. There are tons of well respected men and women in this world that deserve our discontent. We have well respected (still active) Sheikh’s that equate hijabless women with uncovered pieces of meat that are “deserving” of what they “get”. You think they actually deserve our respect because they went to school a few years to earn the title of Sheikh?

That’s not how you earn such a title, and I’m not going into detail of what does earn it. You all know, just as they do. We’re just too lazy in our thinking to acknowledge it.

We’ve got to get mad. Mad at our government, mad at the so called learned men and women of Islam, mad at ourselves that we allowed such a title go to their heads inflated with ego.

I want you to get mad, as Howard Beale said, I don’t want you to protest, I don’t want you to riot, I don’t want you to write to your congressmen because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write.

All I know is…You’ve got to get mad.

Sources:

1. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/091007/national/muslim_burka_ban

2. http://www.topnews.in/controversy-over-suggested-ban-niqab-continues-egypt-2221202

Anyhow I had to stop by to let you all know we’ve been featured in Modest Beautiful Muslima Magazine!

Go check it out and don’t forget to read their past issues!

http://www.mbmuslima.com/