(C) Mridu Khullar

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

(C) Mridu Khullar

Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin. - Grace Hansen

(More later.)

(C) Mridu Khullar

Making things complicated is easy. Achieving simplicity is tough. - Bruno Munari

I woke up with a smile on my face, edits arrived today that were easy to deal with and were sent back within minutes, an editor e-mailed with ideas that I can fit into my schedule right after I come back from my break, one of my best friends called with some great news, and a check that’s been due for weeks just arrived. Can’t complain.

I don’t have much work-related news to report because I’ve been pulled in a dozen different directions and have been a bit scattered lately. Two things of note though: one, you’ll find me in the masthead of this month’s Elle India (and every month from here on out), and two, my latest piece on Delhi’s wastepickers appears in the February issue of The Caravan magazine and has been getting some wonderful feedback. You can read “The Treasure of Trash” by following this link.

In personal news, I’m being forced to do the thing I detest most: shopping. The other day, I had four hours to kill while I was waiting for my mother to finish work, and she practically shoved a credit card in my hand and pushed me towards the biggest mall in the city with the orders to buy “something, anything.” While I was trapped there for those four hours, I did what any sane person in my position would have done: I sat on a bench and finished my novel. Did I mention I hate shopping?

I’ve been meaning to post regularly on the blog, but I don’t want to write for the heck of it, and these days, I feel like I don’t have much to say about the freelancing world. Today, after ages, I woke up with a need to write, to journal if need be, and maybe even do a bit of work. I’ve been moaning about being stressed and maybe even taking an extended break, but this morning, I missed work so badly, I almost sent out a pitch for a timely two-day story. But I know I can’t do justice to work this week, so for now, I’ll make peace by trying to post often.

Where have you been published lately?

(C) Mridu Khullar

When you are up against a wall, be still and put down roots like a tree, until clarity comes from deeper sources, to see over the wall. - Carl Jung

I haven’t been on holiday, not really. But in January, I was overworked, stressed beyond belief, and heading steadily towards a meltdown. I was getting no joy from work, I was getting no joy from meeting people, and this is when I realized there was a problem– no joy at all from reading. That’s never happened before. Ever.

Anyway, having overworked myself into a frenzy, I knew I needed a break soon or I was going to end up in a puddle on the floor soon or most likely, since my timing is pretty bad– on the day of my wedding. I’ve spent the better part of January and February finishing up everything, so that I can actually enjoy the time I’ll be taking off in March instead of worrying about things that are out of my control.

In between finishing work, I’ve been taking it easy. I’ve been re-reading books I love (Little Women is my comfort reading), watching all the Oscar-nominated movies (An Education is my favorite), and have been adopted by puppies. I’m back at my parents place until the wedding, and one of the street dogs gave birth to six puppies earlier this year. My parents and I have been feeding them, and so now the four that survived the cold winter have made this their unofficial home. They squeeze in through the gate, make themselves comfortable anywhere they like, and much to my mother’s dismay, jump all over her potted plants. When scolded, they sit there with their tails wagging and a what-did-I-do-expression that melts all hearts.

At night, when it’s cold outside, they go under the car where it’s warm and sleep there, until my mother gets up in the morning to go to work. Then they chase after the car, or if we leave to go to the market on foot, walk us to the end of the road. Yesterday, my parents visited a neighbor’s house and one of the puppies walked them to the neighbor’s house, and then stood outside waiting until they were ready to return.

I’ve been away from my e-mail for a while, but I’m playing catch-up. And I’m back to blogging, so expect to hear from me again soon.

So, how’ve you been?

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. - Tom Robbins

(C) Mridu Khullar

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. - Christopher Reeve

I let the story stand as it was with that imperfect (to others) first line, and thought I’d come back to it fresh later. I made tea, I read, I sat outside, and I just enjoyed the scenery. I got to work on other deadlines, watched a movie, forgot about the lead and the story.

A day later, I came back to it. I still liked it. I’ve kept it.

I don’t know if the editor will like it or not and if he’ll ask me to change it, but I’ll never know if I don’t try it, right?

(C) Mridu Khullar

If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. - Vincent Van Gogh

Today, for the first time in ten days, my head doesn’t feel like a lead balloon sitting on top of a body that was being controlled by alien forces. Ah, how much I’m appreciating my health today. You don’t realize how good you have it until you’re sitting sick in bed wondering how hard it could be to get out and being completely unable to do so.

I’ve mentioned before how sick I get when I travel, but over the last couple of years, it just seems to be getting progressively worse. I start panicking and getting nausea two days in advance of any travel, and while I know it’s in my head, it leads to a massive build up, which means I get pretty sick when I do leave the house.

I’m someone who loves to visit new places, so this fear of getting in a car or on a plane is something I’d like to get over quickly. But I have no idea what I’m dealing with here. Anyone else know what this is or why I become a whimpering hyperventilating idiot each time I’m asked to board a plane? Thought I’d throw it out there for the more experienced among us.

In more positive news, our wedding invitations have arrived! Not long to go now (a month or so), and I have to say, while the wedding is all fine and dandy, we’re both really looking forward to the marriage. The wedding, the way we see it, is just a necessity to get us there, but we’re not that fussed about it. It’s been easy planning it (now more than ever, I don’t get why people have so much angst about weddings) and I guess all that’s left to do is show up and have fun. Oh, and get the final fitting for our outfits. My lovely mother-in-law-to-be bought me my wedding dress, and I think we did good in that department, if I may say so myself.

In the meantime, I’ve got about four deadlines, another week of travel coming up, and queries to send. Can’t say it’s ever boring around here.

I learned the hard way that you have to schedule for emergencies. Early on, when I was a new writer and still living with my parents, my grandmother (who also lived with us) died, and as difficult as that time was in itself it didn’t help that not only did I have to write to certain editors apologizing that I’d need extensions on my deadlines, but also sat knocking out words on my computer while guests wailed in the next room. My migraines have (and still do) come at the most inopportune times and because they can be pretty debilitating, it’s difficult (though not impossible) to work when I’m having one.

I do schedule for emergencies now, as much as I can, because I don’t know when I’m going to get a migraine and I’m going to want to crawl into bed and not get out for several days (only a few a year now, though, thankfully).

Don’t get me wrong. As bad as my migraines are, they’re not chronic pain, and I know people have much worse migraines than mine and at least I can function if need be. I have traveled, interviewed, given interviews, and worked right through several migraines, but those have been painful experiences that I don’t really fancy repeating. Even now, as I write this, my right eye feels like it’s going to explode, the right side of my neck might as well have a metal rod stuck in it, it’s so cramped, the lights are off (can’t handle brightness) and my computer screen is dimmed considerably.

The only reason I’m even online is because I can’t sleep, but if I wanted to, I could crawl into bed right now and not worry about deadlines because I’ve met them already. I like that. I’d like to keep repeating that.

I realize it’s not possible to plan around every life event, and it’s much easier to talk about not leaving everything till the last minute than to actually do it (trust me, I know), but it helps to try. I’ve found that it helps to set your deadline two days before the actual day of the deadline and meet that instead. That way, if there’s an emergency and I’m not feeling up to it for whatever reason, I can actually take advantage of the freelancing lifestyle and take some time off.

That’s what I call setting my own schedule.

**

The Queen of Dreams by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

The Mistress of Spices, the Queen of Dreams, I can’t wait to see what Divakaruni is going to come up with next. I haven’t read all her books yet, but I think this year I’ll get copies of them all and make my way through them.

I loved the structure of this book, one part story, one part dream journal. The dream journal felt so personal, as if I had discovered someone else’s diaries, to be read and treasured. The main character, who is dissatisfied with her life, does tend to look at the negative side more than the positive, and so it doesn’t make this book a very zippy read, but it also helps you connect a little more.

My only complaint about this book was the haphazard way the 9/11 plot was thrown in, which to me felt slightly contrived, unnecessary, and more a marketing tool than something that thickened the plot.

**

Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami

How I love Murakami! I love his perspective, I love his imagery, I love his imagination, and I love his language. You’ve got minute details such as his character’s choice in sofas and why it’s so important to have a good one, you’ve got language likening chubby girls in pink to big strawberry shortcakes waltzing on a dance floor to his description of hearing Bob Dylan as “a kid standing at the window watching the rain.” And I haven’t even talked about the plot yet.

The worlds Murakami creates are peculiar, yet majestic. A city in which people are separated from their shadows, a world without sound. The book is structured so that there are two separate stories going on together, and only towards the middle do they start connecting through common phrases, objects, and (you think) even people.

I loved this book, devouring it bit by bit, promising myself another chapter each time I got some work done. You have to be patient with it though for the confusion it creates as it reveals layers and layers of secrets in every chapter and every page.

**

The Calcutta Chromosome by Amitav Ghosh

I didn’t expect to like this book, but picked it up because it looked like an easy read that I could get through over the course of the next couple of days as I deal with high-pressure work. I certainly wasn’t expecting that I’d get so hooked within ten pages that I’d read it in one sitting, totally ignoring all I have to do in my work day. Clearly, I loved it. There’s enough history, suspense, science and culture thrown in this book that it could become overkill, but it doesn’t. The pacing is fast, the characters likeable, and the plot intense. And who doesn’t love Calcutta? I have to say, also, that I love when there’s an Indian angle to a complex scientific plot. Set aside a few hours. You’re not going to be able to stop reading.

Two of my editors have offered me an office space in their buildings, an offer that I haven’t yet taken them up on, but just might. And on occasions when I’m feeling very isolated, I have in the past gone to a friend’s office, sat among the other journalists there, and become part of the furniture.

I think I’m going to start doing all of those more regularly. One get-out-of-the-office day per week. I like that.