By far the most popular post I’ve ever written on this blog and the one that seems to deeply connect with the most people is:

Is People Pleasing Keeping You From Pleasing The Right People?

In this post I lay out some of the key signs of being a people pleaser and then offer some tips to help overcome this terrible and self destructive personality trait.

What I found interesting, though, was just how many people could clearly associate with being a people pleaser.  If you read through some of the comments you’ll see that many had no problem laying out their life story knowing that they were among fellow pleasing addicts.  And those who really got the message had a tone of relief as if a heavy burden had been lifted from their shoulders.

Since writing that post I’ve spoken with many readers about the topic and I’ve come to realize that this is not only a common issue for many, but that the end result is a certain faded version of the individual.  Just like pouring water into a glass of fine wine, those who are actively living out their people pleasing personality are quickly diluting their very existence.

In the above mentioned blog post I painted my thoughts on the subject using a broad brush.  With this post, however, I would like to refine my focus.  So let’s talk about making decisions…

Never Fear Making A Bad Decision, Only Fear Others Making Decisions For You

As a people pleaser it’s easy to give decision making control over to others.  Not only are we often suffering from some form of low self-esteem, but our desire to do what we think others want us to do is often stronger then that of taking control of our lives.  The problem with this unhealthy habit is that we are diluting our decision making data.

When we truly make our own decisions we are able to gather useful information based on the outcome.  Regardless of whether the decision was right or wrong the information provided by the result will prove equally useful for better decision making in the future.  If a child decides to touch a hot stove and gets burned they will have learned just as much as if they touched cold water to sooth their skin.

This is the natural way that our brains use our senses (including our 6th sense…those gut feelings we have) to learn how to improve our way of life.  From learning what not to touch so we don’t get burned to better understanding our sense of others.  The problem with people pleasing is that it disrupts this process and dilutes the information our brains are trying to absorb.

The reason people pleasing is so destructive to this data is because the results observed when letting others decide your direction is tainted.  Even if you encounter a positive outcome from a people pleasing based decision you will find no use for that data because it tells you nothing about how your own decision would have turned out.  In other words, it’s better to make a bad decision then to let someone else make a good decision for you.  In the short run you may be better off with the latter, but down the road your ability to make your own good choices will atrophy as a result.

Resentment Is Often The Result Of Allowing Others To Direct Your Decisions

When we make a bad decision it can sting for a bit but in the end we live an learn.  But when we make a bad decision and we know that this decision was not the one we wanted to make from the start, we can be devastated.

The saying goes, “You’ve made your bed and now you have to lay in it.”  Yet as people pleasers we are constantly laying in a bed made by those around us.  Considering the mess of decisions based on who knows how many personalities and agendas, we find ourselves frustrated that our own less than ideal situation is the result of other peoples mistakes.  Resentment, no doubt, ensues.

The problem is that we have no one to blame but ourselves.  Because the one choice that we people pleasers always seem to make on our own is to hand over the keys to our own lives.

You Are No Longer You

As time goes on the active people pleaser will become less and less like the unique individual they had come into this world to be.  Just like that water polluted glass of wine, the people pleaser has been so diluted by the people around them that they lose their distinct taste.  So afraid of being disliked or disagreeable they end up being left with little personality.  And let me tell you, it’s better to be loved by some and hated by others then to only be liked by all.  Some may love wine and hate beer or love beer and hate wine, but no one likes a watered down version of either.

The First Steps

There’s nothing more freeing then finally making your own decisions, but the first step is giving yourself permission.

As a people pleaser I know first hand how hard it is to let myself grab the wheel and push everyone else into the back seat.  We feel guilty for even considering such a thing, but how crazy is that?!  This is our life and we are the ones who have to walk in our shoes or lay in the bed we’ve made.  So the idea that we should have any form of guilt for taking charge of our lives and finally directing our future is insane!  So stop listening to that little people pleasing voice and start making your own decisions, finally gathering that ever important data.

You’ve Got To Walk Before You Can Run

If you’re like me you’ve been trying to please the world around you for decades.  As a result we find our 6th sense to be immature at best.  Once we decide to break free from our people pleasing ways we may find the road ahead to be a bit bumpy at first.  Going too far in one direction and then not far enough, we have to be patient as we feel out our new dedication to making our own decisions and in time we’ll greatly improve the accuracy of our intuition.

Never Let Fear Dictate Your Decisions

If you’re a people pleaser then you will no doubt relate to this scenario.  You’re faced with a tough decision, one which will directly effect others.  Your first thought is a clear take on what direction you should go.  Yet moments later your judgment is clouded by the fear of what if.  What if so and so did such and such when I decide to do this or that?  We try and play out the scenario in our minds to find the path of least resistance.  But the bottom line is that the only path should be the one you feel is best.  And the moment you stop letting your fear of the unknown outcome dictate your decisions is the moment you will be free to live your life like a glass of fine wine, providing a distinct flavor to the world around you.

So stop trying to please and start learning to live your best life possible!

Please Note: The Following is a guest post by Bamboo Forest of Pun Intended.

How often do we make choices that are valueless?

Truth is we do it all the time, mostly because we’re not aware we’re compromising our life.

No sane person throws money away. But many of us throw time away. Are you using the currency of your life, time, to generate the greatest value possible?

Currency of Our Lives

What are your goals in life? Do you want a beautiful girlfriend? Want more money? Maybe you want to be happier. All positive goals that increase value in your life.

Problems occur when how you spend your time isn’t used creating the value you truly want. Spending your time in ways that aren’t generating much value is like having a suitcase filled with 100 dollar bills and spending all afternoon at the toy store buying G.I. Joes.

–If you want to be an amazing blogger, consider watching less TV and reading more.

–If you want to be happier, consider doing more happy inducing activities and focusing your mind more on positive thoughts.

–If you want to be physically fit, consider eating healthier and exercising more.

–If you want a beautiful girlfriend, consider approaching more girls regardless of how many failures you’ve had. Past failures don’t hurt you. But ceasing from moving onward to more opportunities that could be successful, definitely does.

As you see from above examples, our time usage either creates value we want or wastes it on activities that don’t. Even worse, our activities often take us much further away from what we truly want in our lives.

Choose What Gives You The Greatest Value

What creates the greatest value for your life isn’t always obvious. Sometimes there are two roads to travel, yet one provides far more value than the other.

I spent three years studying Wing Chun Kung Fu at a superb martial arts school. The instruction was unparalleled and as a result I became very skillful very quickly. Wing Chun is my favorite style of martial arts, too.

But looking back, this school didn’t give me enough of my most cherished value: how the whole experience makes me feel.

Before this school I studied elsewhere in another state. The instruction there wasn’t as good and it also wasn’t teaching my favorite style. But I felt greater connection with fellow students and more warmth than at the “better” school.

Had I been clear on what provides me the greatest value when I was looking for a new school, I would have chosen a different one with more students I connect with and a more uplifting atmosphere. Those factors are much more important to me than the level of instruction or the style being taught.

By being clear on what provides you the most value, you’ll choose the most valuable option for your life.

Avoid What’s Valueless

Many things in life are almost valueless. I say ‘almost’ because bad decisions made in life can be used to help others avoid those same bad decisions. And doing so is a huge act of kindness, filled with value.

That said, let’s examine things that don’t offer value:

Embarrassment. Here’s truth you must internalize: You’ll never regret being embarrassed, but you will regret failing to act out of fear of becoming embarrassed. Read that one hundred times. Then apply immediately.

What has greater value? Approaching a guy or girl which can lead to a lifelong relationship. Or, avoiding approaching out of fear of becoming embarrassed? See what I’m talking about?

You have to determine your choices based on the value they can give you. Make it your mission to live a value FILLED life!

How about self improvement? Are there actions you can take that’ll help you become your best but will also make you feel uncomfortable? Avoiding feelings of discomfort has zero value. Experiencing discomfort doesn’t even take anything away from you. In fact, avoiding it creates self-imposed barriers to reaping more value than you can fathom.

For example, if you have a bad habit that you find very difficult to kick, do whatever’s necessary to overcome it. Go see a life coach, hypnotherapist, support group, whatever. This may be uncomfortable for you, but living how you want to live is invaluable! Discomfort? That’s temporary and not worth compromising how great your life can be.

Generate Value by Giving It to Others

Creating value for ourselves isn’t just about improving our own lives. When we give others value, we’re effectively making our own lives more valuable.

One of the simplest ways to give to others is having self mastery over yourself and being kind to others. When you lose your temper, for example, you’re not giving any value to others. You’re actually diminishing how others feel, which can’t be considered valuable.

When passing someone in the street, saying hello and smiling, you’re doing a great act of kindness, making them feel good and giving tremendous value to them.

Other things such as giving charity and being a considerate neighbor are enormously valuable.

We won’t live on this earth forever, but people will continue after we’re gone. Do you want your mark to encourage goodness in the world or do you want your mark to have made it more difficult for others to be their best? How valuable do you want your life to have been while living in this world?

Doesn’t matter where you are in this life. Doesn’t matter what you’ve done or how many mistakes you’ve made. That’s totally irrelevant to using your time, right now, in the most valuable ways possible for you and others.

Begin.

Bamboo Forest created an online timer that helps you KILL procrastination. He also writes for Pun Intended, a blog that will make you laugh and feel inspired. Be sure to grab his RSS feed for more great articles.

In this video interview with Darren Rowse of Problogger.net, we continue this series of conversations about how to making a living online.  This video interview follows two previous interviews.  One with Leo Babauta and one with John Chow.

Darren has been blogging professionally for a very long time and has a wealth of valuable information on the subject of actually making a full time income on the Internet.  He was very helpful to me in the early stages of my online development and anyone who knows him would agree when I say that he is one of the nicest guys in the Cloud.  So I hope you enjoy our conversation and are able to take away some useful tidbits regarding online income and the value and freedom it provides.

Also, be sure to check out his awesome Twitter blog (Twitip.com), Digital Photography site (digital-photography-school.com) and follow him on Twitter (if you’re not already).

In this video interview with John Chow of JohnChow.com we continue the conversation from the previous video interview with Leo Babauta about making a full time income online.

John has been making a living online for many years and has a wealth of information to share to those who are interested in either taking the leap into the cloud or just refining their current ventures to get the most out of their hard work.  So be sure to check out our conversation and learn more about how both John and I bring home the bacon online.

In this video interview with Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net we talk about making a full time income online.  Both Leo and I have been supporting our families with our online incomes for some time now and we hope this discussion is useful to some who are working hard to do the same.

Also, if you’re a fan of zenhabits and you like the super minimalist design of Leo’s blog, you need to check out the free zenhabits Skin (this skin requires the Frugal Theme) over at the Frugal Theme Skin Store!

I remember, early in ’09, listening to all the financial forecasters prophesying potential disaster for many years to come.  A kind of dollar dooms day set the tone for continued Wall Street woes.  But it seemed that the agreed upon perspective was that 2009 would deal us the worst hand and by 2010 we should start seeing a lining of silver streak across those gray clouds above.  So we’ll have to wait and see what 2010 provides in terms of consumer confidence, but regardless of the degree of upswing we must first understand these irreversible adjustments that have already taken place.

A New Kind Of Economy Starts With A New Media

Even before the crash, the term New Media had been effectively created and dispersed among the masses.  FaceBook was stepping on the face of MySpace on its way to competing with Google and Yahoo in terms of all out Internet traffic, while out of our blind spot rose a 140 character powerhouse that tweeted its way to the top of social networking simplicity.  News was no longer preceding Paper as the idea of waiting until morning for the latest had become an archaic activity, and advertisers couldn’t jump ship fast enough for our old way of consuming information to effectively adjust.  We were moving at light speed and only those who saw this change coming well before the term New Media was even coined, flourished as a result.

2009 brought us a year where the masses frantically made their way online.  From that computer guy next door to John and Jane Real Estate Agent down the street to Grandma and Grandpa, we saw new domains flying off the shelves of GoDaddy like never before.  From Life Coaches, to Web Designers to bloggers of every size, shape and color, the shift from big business website domination to that of a growing community of mom and pop online shops was drastic to say the least.  It had been going on for a few years leading up to this exodus to the Cloud, but falling stock prices and political turmoil had become that straw that broke the Camel’s back.

A Common Misconception Of Global Proportions

Something I’ve noticed throughout 2009 is a common misconception that somehow this economic crisis has reshaped the way we do business.  On the surface this would seem to be an accurate assessment, but if we dig a little deeper we will see that the only thing it did was speed up the process that was already set in motion well before this monetary mess.

Common sense would show us that it was only a matter of time that the Internet reshaped our livelihoods and leveled the playing field for both consumers and Entrepreneurs alike.  The false bottom of our economy was only acting as a temporary deterrent for the majority to get on board.  Once the rug was pulled out from under us we had no other choice but to leap forward.

It’s kind of like getting out of bed in the morning (bare with me as I break out an analogy .  We look at the red lit numbers of our bedside alarm clock as they tick well past their initial warning to wake.  We know we need to get up, but our bodies convince us to remain cloaked in our horizontal cloud of warmth just a few minutes longer.  Then, from out of nowhere we hear screaming in the other room.  It’s our 6 month old laying in their crib with an empty stomach and a poopy diaper (can you tell I’m a new dad? .  So what do we do?  Turn off the baby monitor and go back to sleep…just kidding…sometimes.   We pull off those covers, baring the brunt of the cold morning air, and go in the other room to tend to the task at hand.  That source of outside stimulation gave us no choice but to act and our crappy economy is what finally yanked us out of bed to tend to the inevitable shift that was already taking place for much of the rest of the world.

The Forrest Fire Effect

Other than waking us up and pushing us out of bed, our ’09 economy had a kind of forest fire effect that needed to take place.

Too many people were making money hand over fist for no other reason than the fact that there was money to be had.  Business sense or not, you could earn a strong living regardless of the quality of your work.  I personally witnessed all kinds of ‘professionals’ and consumers alike, just throwing money at everything in their path as it seemed to burn a whole in the pockets of their Calvin Klein kackys.  Shows like ‘Flip That House’ were popping up everywhere so we could watch as people like us made way too much money buying and selling property.

When I ran my computer business here in my hometown I worked with a lot of Real Estate Agents.  During that time I watched as more and more new agents popped up (many of which had no place selling homes or working with people for that matter) and continued to make money hand over fist.  The job market was in a kind of free-for-all state where you could pretty much take your pick of profession and enjoy a pretty paycheck as a result.  Whether you were feeling this false economic high from a direct connection to the hot spots like Real Estate or, like me, enjoying the run off as their prosperity poured into other businesses as they pushed ahead, you were most likely enjoying a powerful financial peace of mind.

Yet as the smoke began to settle and reveal the true state of our financial system our hearts sank along with our stocks.  And so began the process of weeding out the weak and forcing us all to re-adjust our ways.  Just like a forest fire clears out the over grown vegetation, this crisis has taken away the ease at which we made a living and pushed us to a new land of promise and hopefully with wiser ways to guide us.

A New Way Of Livelihood

Now that we’re all out of bed and dealing with the day ahead it’s time we effectively adjust our perspectives or risk being trampled by the coming stampede.  2009 brought us a kind of 49er gold rush where we all picked up our shovels and headed online.  Yet I believe it will be during the year of 2010 that we truly stake our claims effectively.

Because so much of this was new to us we were flying by the seat of our pants.  Decisions were made by guesstimation as there was no historical data to guide us.  Yet now that we have a year’s worth of success and failure to analyze we can start educating our decisions and securing our steps.  Inevitably we’ll start seeing the shelves of Barnes and Noble and the server space of Amazon overflowing with books on how to make it online.  Just keep in mind that by the time the ‘teachers’ make their way to their podiums, much of the opportunity has already passed by.

This new way of making a living hasn’t necessarily stripped the worth of our initial skill-set, but instead given us incentive to make some adjustments.  I, for example, moved from working on computers in my local community, to developing website software for the World Wide community.  Some may have sold items by means of brick and mortar and now find the Internet to be a better venue.  Maybe you counseled individuals face-to-face and now use your LCD screen as a window into the minds of your patients.  Whatever the specific situation, there’s most definitely a WWW at the beginning of your new way of livelihood.

Even those who either can’t or don’t fully need to move online, will be required to have a presence in the Cloud.  From social media to online advertising, the Internet is only going to become more prevalent in our daily business dealings.  Those who resist will inevitably fail and even the dragging of feet will provide a passing lane for our competition.

A Crowded Cloud Makes For Stiff Competition

Just like the gold rush, too many shovels in the stream makes for a lot of disappointed dreamers.  The blogging craze of the past few years has brought about this allusion that a catchy domain name and few well versed posts will position yourself for a future filled with fat Adsense checks from Google.  The result has been a few miners striking it rich and many weary writers with nothing to show but some calloused finger tips.

But those with their eyes open and a willingness to adapt have found great opportunity to profit.  As the masses continue to make their way to our online marketplace we will continue to see the need for skills of all kinds.  Just like our pre-’09 business world, this Cloud Community will continue to open doors of opportunity for each of us.  We just need to position ourselves so we can walk though them.

Let’s say you’ve just moved to Hollywood in hopes of becoming a big star.  You’re waiting tables in a diner right next to a big production studio and practice your lines while serving food, nervously awaiting your next audition.  There’s nothing wrong with this picture, but the harsh reality is that you’re probably not going to find your face on more than a low budget TV commercial and even if you ever DO make it big you could be looking at years before this takes shape.  So the question is, “What are you doing in the mean time?”

True Bill Paying Income Can Be Found Online, But At A Cost

I’ve found over the past year and a half or so online that it has been the many small steps of small success that have continued my forward motion.  I’ve seen a great number of individuals come and go as they seek a quick buck.  I myself have failed over and over again and found great discouragement as reality hit too close to home.  Yet each time I’ve fallen down I’ve somehow found my way back onto both feet and just a bit more sure footed as a result.  I’ve tried many different avenues for revenue and found many things I don’t enjoy as well as those I do.  But it only takes one properly fitting online profession to make a living and once you achieve that goal you’ve just bought yourself more time to gain even greater Internet success.

Let’s face it. The idea of making a living purely online is a pretty awesome concept to consider!  No longer are you bound by location as you can work from anywhere that connects you to the Cloud (and these days that’s just about anywhere).  Your flexibility to enjoy your family and friends expands exponentially and, assuming you’re working for yourself, the word Boss is now just a dated piece of slang from the ’60s.

When I set out to achieve this goal back in July of 2008 I really had no idea how I was going to completely replace my computer business income through a website.  Initially I attempted to profit from writing, writing and more writing.  This blog was new, but growing, yet my bank account was still unaware.  I then worked on writing that I would actually sell directly (as apposed to making money off advertising).  Still no go.  It wasn’t until about 6 months later that I found a way to profit from my Internet connection.

I realized that though I didn’t really want to delve back into services I needed to temporarily adapt my abilities to do just that.  This is when I began building WordPress websites for individuals.  With the right advertising connections I found more work than I knew what to do with and finally had a full time income online.

BUT, and this is the big but, this was only the beginning and by no means even close to my intended destination.  Though I enjoyed much of this design work, it just wasn’t what I wanted to do.  I had already spent 5 years in services and I was looking more in the direction of products so I could try my hand at development, marketing and sales.  This would come my way very soon, but keep in mind that I had to sacrifice some of my perfectly pictured online presence so I could find a spot to start my journey.  It was this crucial step that gave me the platform to stand on so I could see stage two.

So my WordPress Web Design business morphed a WordPress Theme development and sales business.  This was something that was quite new to me but much more suited to my personality and idea of success online.

Securing An Online Income Requires Diversification

Those who make a living online probably have a main source that pays their bills.  Yet there’s just as good a chance that they also enjoy multiple streams that they’ve picked up along the way.  My WordPress Theme business is certainly my main source of income, but in all the time I’ve been online I’ve managed to keep my eyes open to the opportunity for other income sources as well.

I mentioned my failed attempt at earning a living by selling written content.  It is true that making a full time living from ebook sales or even advertising from your blog is quite a challenge to say the least, but making an extra bit of cash each month from these pursuits is not out of the reach of most.  Every month I bring home the bacon with my WordPress Theme business, but I also enjoy income from book sales and ad revenue.  We could survive without it, but it offers a bit more peace of mind, knowing that not all our financial security is tied into a single source.

This also offers greater flexibility as I continue to push ahead to scale the looming peaks on the horizon.  My family is growing and therefore I must do the same for my online presence.  Each step of the way I broaden my horizons and strengthen my resolve to keep moving forward.

May Your 2010 Be Everything You Planned For

The potential for success and prosperity in 2010 is great, but will only find its way to those who are willing to be flexible and yet steadfast in their ways.  The rush to stake our online claim is still in the early stages, but the competition is already fierce.  For many of us technology can feel like a double edge sword (filled with opportunity yet constantly growing more complicated), but it’s crucial for us to tackle none the less.

As the dust begins to settle and our economy rebounds we will certainly see a new marketplace in the Cloud.  Fortunes will be made and lost, but more importantly livings will be earned. What makes this year of 2010 so crucial is that much or our online presence will be established during this time.  Whether we like it or not our ‘profiles’ are already being formed.  So it is up to us to either effectively form them ourselves or let it be done for us.  The former will provide great online opportunity and the latter will put us in our place as another part of the herd.

Your 2010 Toolbox For Building An Online Business, Blog, Community And Presence

As a second part of this post I have created a kind of text based toolbox to help you build that business, blog and/or community as well as effectively form a powerful presence online.  So be sure to click the above title if you’re interested in learning more.

I hope you have an absolutely AMAZING and PROSPEROUS 2010 and may it be the beginning of even greater success in the future!

Eric Hamm

We all have our own unique personalities; our own likes, dislikes and general preferences.  Unfortunately many of us end up compromising these preferences for what we believe is a necessary evil.  Yet all too often we find someone else doing what we wanted to do, but didn’t for fear of a failing result.  Our success was stolen by our own twisted idea that our uniqueness was a liability, not an asset.

I don’t know about you, but I’m often afraid of truly speaking my mind for fear of things like disagreement, tainting of my reputation and that awful thing we call r-e-j-e-c-t-i-o-n!  I mean, what if I’m misunderstood?  Or what if I say something that turns out to be inaccurate or maybe just comes across as silly?

The problem with these fears is that the alternative is much worse.  Let’s say we are successful, but fake?  Or even worse, unsuccessful AND fake?  Either way we will be miserable.  If we are not being ourselves then who cares if we are accepted?  It’s high school all over again, right?!  You know what I mean, when we tried to be liked by certain people by talking a certain way, walking a certain way and acting a certain way.  Then we look back on those days and think how silly we were and how meaningless it all was with our own uniqueness pushed down by our fears.  This has to stop or we will never know what we’re truly capable of!

The Hard Part Is Taking The First Step

I could go on and on about the importance of being ourselves or the detriment of not, but let’s assume we agree at this point.  OK, so now what?  Well, it’s really quite simple.  We need only to listen to our own hearts and minds.  That’s pretty much it.

I’m not suggesting we disregard the wisdom around us or go against someone else’s better judgment, but when the only thing standing between being ourselves and being fake is fear of the “what if” we must always push ahead!  The more we do this the easier it will be and the easier it gets the better we’ll be at being ourselves.

What Does It Mean To Be Yourself

When I think of ‘being yourself’ I picture someone who acts on their intuition, not the latest census.  I see an individual who goes against the grain for no other reason but to appease their unique idea of how it should be done.  I envision a peace of mind that only comes from the knowledge that if they’re going to be rejected or even ignored it will be THEY who are taking the hit, not their pseudo self.

I see so much that I want to be and success that is waiting to be grasped, yet my fears keep me from taking that first step.  I’ve made great strides over the years, but still have a ways to go.  As I continue to break out of my shell and see the benefits of being myself I thought I’d share this struggle with you in hopes that if you’re stuck as a pseudo you, that you’d be inspired to push past this guaranteed mediocrity.

Eric Hamm

I just got back from an awesome trip to Las Vegas for Blog World New Media Expo 2009.  I learned a lot and enjoyed connecting with many of my online buddies that I had never met in person (eg. Sean Platt, Maya, Michael Martine, and a few others who I hadn’t connected with until this trip like Charlie Gilkey, Naomi and Jamie Dunford, and Chris Brogan).  There were certainly more awesome bloggers and online entrepreneurs that I connected with, beyond the few mentioned above.

My point for this post…

OK, so I’m crazy busy right now, trying to catch up from being gone for the past 5 days, so here’s my point.  Changing our location and scenery for even a short amount of time is often all we need to spark new ideas and think outside the box.

I was on the plane from Charlotte, NC to Las Vegas, staring out the window, thinking about how easy it is to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.  Even when we go on vacation it’s usually to a destination that we see each and every year.  But it’s only when we try new places and meet new people that certain parts of our personalities come out to play.

Everything from the flights and the people on them, to the new climate in Las Vegas (sunny and 85 to 90 the whole time…NICE!!) to the totally unique feel of the city to the many great people I met at the conference to the hotel, etc…  All these things played a part in resetting my thought process a bit and giving me a fresh perspective.

When we go to a conference and return with new ideas we usually credit the speakers and the ideas being passed around the stage for these fresh thoughts in our minds.  Yet we miss the fact that much of these ideas were already stirring around our heads, only waiting for the right kind of stimulation to bring them out.  And often, it’s everything ELSE that does this, not necessarily the scheduled event.

Think about it.  Think about an event you went to that took you away from your home and usual routine that had a noticeable impact on your ideas.  Now imagine if that event had been held in your hometown.  Would it have had the same effect on you?  Probably not.  And why?  Because you wouldn’t have been forced out of your comfort zone and your usual routine.

So in short, if you want to spark some new ideas and truly stimulate your thought process, take some time away from your normal habits and location.  While your mind is coping with the new situation, being forced to strain where it’s used to being on auto-pilot, you’ll free the intelligence that has been waiting to escape your sub-conscious.

So what were my thoughts?

I’m not going to get into specifics right now, but I can say that I had many new ideas, stemming from business to family to technology and even our society.  No new inventions came out of the experience, but improvements on what I’ve been working so hard on (both business and personal) certainly took place.

Finally…

I just HAD to share this latest picture of Tyson with you all.  It really shows his character and his increasing cuteness.  I’m mean come on!  Who pulls off red tipped socks better than this guy?!

Eric Hamm

First, a flashback…

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been passionate about the big blue sky.  From watching the birds soar up a large, rising thermal, to flying my radio control gliders up that very same thermal.  From biking up to the top of a mountain and feeling even closer to the clouds, to barreling down that very same mountain, pretending I was flying as I descended.

And not just the sky, but every natural thing under it.  From the mountains to the water to the trees and the trails that lead to more beauty, I enjoy God’s wonderful creation as much as I think humanly possible.  And with this passion comes the desire to enjoy it year round.  And this is one of the downfalls of our current location.

We live in a small to medium sized town in Central Virginia called Charlottesville.  Being ranked the #1 place to live the US in 2004 tells you it’s not a bad spot on the map.  Home of the University of Virginia, Charlottesville is a wonderful, culture rich college town with everything from historical landmarks like Monticello to the latest chains like Best Buy and Chili’s.  C’ville, as it’s called by anyone who’s lived here for more than a few years, has a wonderful balance of a small town feel and a city that’s ‘up-to-code’ with technology and all things 21st century.

The climate is the double edge sword that I was mentioning above.  We get all the seasons and for the most part, a nice taste of each.  Fall is by far the best time, with the dry sunny weather that sits right around 65 degrees.  Long pants and a t-shirt will get you through most Charlottesville Fall afternoons.  Oh, and the leaves change and present the landscape with a wide array of beautiful colors that is unmatched by much of the rest of the Country.

But there’s a dark spot in this 4 season scenario.  It’s a 3 month time period from February through April where it’s just plain depressing.  Many cloudy, rainy days, with temperatures often too warm for snow, yet way too cold for comfort.  It’s during this time period that I’m stuck inside and where my cabin fever often gets the best of me.

Why am I telling you all this?  I guess I just want to let you know where I’m coming from when I tell you that I long to live in a place with mild, dry, sunny whether, where I can enjoy my big blue sky year round.  Where I can rely on bike riding weather from January to December.  And my first question to myself is, “Is this even a good reason to move?”

Back to the present…

OK, so now that that’s out of my system let me get to the main point/question.  As Liz and I keep coming to the front end of this seemingly tired conversation, we keep asking ourselves, “Are we being held back by our own comfort zones?”  “Does living in your home town keep you from pushing the limits because you are constantly met by a comfort that comes from knowing nothing else?”

Liz went to college for a year and a half and therefore lived a few hours from home for a time and I lived in London, England for 7 months in ’99, but we’ve known nothing else.  Could we be leaning a little too hard on the crutch of comfort by not wanting to move away from family and friends?  Or is this just our better judgment keeping us from making a big mistake?

I’m sorry if you came to this blog today looking for some good advice or some delicious food for thought.  This post is more a question mark that has been in the making for the last few years of our lives.  So I’m just sharing it with you with great interest in your own personal thoughts and/or experiences with the subject.

So what do you think?

Can our physical location in the world play a big role in our personal growth?  Does the climate, community and comfort level have it’s hand in our ability to mature and make our own waves in the World? Let us know your thoughts and help Liz in I as we continue to chew on the question, “To move or not to move?”

Eric Hamm

So I’m walking my dogs, picturing my cute little son, my beautiful wife and the tangible happiness that they bring to my life.  I guess you could say that I had found a moment of true appreciation for what I’d been blessed with.  Yet the funny thing is that in those moments (and I’m sure you can relate to this) I had not a single thought of a purchased item.  Not my Macbook Pro or iPhone, not my car or house or my TV or bike or…you get the point.  OK, maybe I thought about my Macbook, but only for a second and then it was back to my wife and son.

It’s just that in these moments we seem to recognize what truly matters in life.  The rest of the time we find ourselves worrying about money, obsessing over something we want to purchase or trying to convince ourselves and/or those around us that our lives would be much better off if we could just have that one item that’s missing from our ‘collection’.

Our Return Is Always Equal To Our Investment

When you invest your time, money and/or attention into something you will inevitably receive a return that is equal to that investment (this is not always entirely true, but just work with me here).  So let’s say you spend $50 on a nice dinner out.  You’ll receive an enjoyable, short lived bit of satisfaction and then you’ll forget all about it.  Now let’s say you spend $500 on a new grill.  This item has the capacity to provide you with many occasions of enjoyment and satisfying cuisine.  It cost you more money and took you more time to save up for, but you knew this was an investment into your grilling enjoyment.

OK, so forget about the horrible analogy above and think about this.  What has the greatest value in your life?  Got it?  OK, now what area of your life takes the most work to maintain?  I don’t know about you, but my family means the world to me and yet my marriage, for example, has required more effort to maintain than most anything else.

You know the saying, “You get what you pay for.”?  Well, when it comes to having true joy in your life you find that hard work is most certainly involved.  My point is that trying to buy our happiness is the easy way out and yet the least satisfying option.  We are so easily convinced that somehow there is a price tag dangling from happiness and it’s just a matter of making enough money to purchase it.  But the fact is, this is a BIG FAT LIE!

The last 7 years of marriage to Liz have been a roller coaster ride, to say the least, but it’s only in that effort that I’ve gained a priceless friendship that will last a lifetime.  And now we get to share that love with our son and enjoy even more value for our efforts.

Let me end with this…

If you have a spouse, or a sibling or a parent or a friend or anyone in your life who brings you joy, always see the true value of that investment.  These are the things that matter, not the ‘stuff’ in your life.

The secret to spending less and having more is to take the time and energy that you would have spent on:

• …working to make the money for a purchase
• …making the purchase
• …making space for the product
• …and then maintaining it…

and put that effort into nurturing your relationships.  Do this and I promise you’ll find your greater efforts will always be matched with MUCH greater reward.

Eric Hamm