How do you spell Rickie Weeks?

R-I-C-K-I-E W-E-E-K-S

No. There are more Es and a lot more Ks.

Rickie Weeks has established himself as a baseball player and he is unlikely to ever change. His walk and strikeout totals will be high, he'll have EXTREME cold streaks and homer-happy hot streaks, he'll play average defense and maybe he'll run a little (if he's healthy.) Oh yeah that's another thing he does: get injured. He's 30 years old and this is his ninth season as the Brewers starting second baseman, he's not going to change. We've done this before. He is what he is. Expecting a better Rickie Weeks is like expecting a strong female role model to emerge on Teen Mom 2. It's not happening.

But what if you, like, don't want to be sophisticated and nuanced? What if you like music from the radio and beer and you like your baseball simple? Me watch baseball. Homerun good. Strikeout bad. Me like runs. What then?

Honestly? Just roll with it. I am over the idea of defending Rickie Weeks. He is who he is. He's never going to be Robinson Cano. There is nothing that will make him strikeout less and there is nothing that will make him into a .300 hitter. It's not who he is. He's 1-for-4 with a walk, all day everyday. Well, everyday until he gets hurt.

Last year was pretty awful for a time and he still ended up being a slightly above average second baseman. Better than the Darwin Barneys and Jamey Carrolls of the world. He might frustrate the crap out of you, but in the end he will perform better than roughly 2/3rds of the other second baseman in the league. What he lacks in grit, he makes up for in getting hit in the face by baseballs. I'm happy with that and you should be too.

Yet sometimes I wonder if it's time for Rickie Weeks to move on. Time for him to make some other team's fans crazy for awhile. Much like he will never change, the people who don't like him will never change either and I'm pretty sure that no matter what Scooter Gennett plays like, fans will love him. He'll be Craig Counsell 2.0, which is basically 2009 Craig Counsell with less-Whitefish Bay and more funny name.

Rickie just isn't the career Brewer type. He's not the career any one team type. He should be gone by now. He should be a Blue Jay or something.

Yet I can't imagine the Brewers without him and the thought of losing him makes me have a sad. If you are one of the people who hate Rickie Weeks then you probably have the opposite feeling. You cherish the day that he leaves town and that's your right. The grass is always greener and all that, but one day you won't feel this way. One day you will go to a Brewers game and they will induct Rickie into the Walk of Fame (projected date: 2043) and you will remember the good times. Strikeouts are shitty in the moment, but in the years that follow they become just another out. They don't matter anymore. Rickie Weeks will still be Rickie Weeks, but you'll remember the OBP and not the way he got out the other 65% of the time. You'll like Rickie Weeks again.

Or maybe you'll still hate him and you'll boo a 60 year old man. (Which would honestly be hilarious. We don't boo enough senior citizens.) I don't care what you do. I'm done defending him.

THIS IS IT! The Final Countdown is on. Pants Party 3 tickets cease being on sale later this evening so this is your LAST CHANCE to secure tickets to the greatest party of the summer.

$35 gets you...

This t-shirt:

These stickers:

This food:

And tons of beer, fun, games and baseball. It is a great deal and you will have a great time. I don't know how else to express it to you.

Already have tickets to the game? Buy a shirt package and join us for the party.

Can't make it to the game? Buy a shirt or sticker and help us throw the greatest party of all time.

Everyone who contributes (even $5 sticker packages) is entered into a raffle where you could win something cool like this framed photo:

So what are you waiting for? BEER FOOD BASEBALL PRIZES GAMES FUN. Men have a great time. Women have a great time. It's a party for everyone. It's everything and anything you want it to be.

It's Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 3: THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!

When the Brewers brought back Yuni B, it was like seeing your ex-girlfriend walk back through your door. Only instead of the moderately attractive girl you remember she was sporting a neck tattoo that read "SLUT" and a Nickelback t-shirt that barely hid her pregnant belly. And the baby is yours. The Brewers re-signing Betancourt felt somewhat like the worst thing ever, but it wasn't. Why?

Because the Brewers didn't sign Yuni as an everyday shortstop. They signed him as a utility player and occasional first baseman. He couldn't ruin our lives like he once did. Doug Melvin was smart to think that a former everyday shortstop, even a bad one, was better to have on the team than a career minor leaguer/bench player. He was 100% right and the world owes him an apology for that, but a funny thing has happened since the season started. Something that Doug, the fans or anyone with a brain in their head ever could have expected; Yuni B has been one of the very best Brewers on the team. (To be fair, OOTP saw it coming.)

I don't know when or how it happened, but I suddenly stopped worrying about Yuni. There was a game last week when the Brewers were in a position to tie the game, Yuni was at the plate and I expected him to do something. I not only expected it, but I was surprised when he didn't. Two years ago I would have seen it coming a mile away and tweeted something like "yuni smh" and that would be that. Now? I'm wondering where Corey Hart fits in on this team. What the hell happened?

As far as I can see it there are only a few possible expectations for Yuniesky Betancourt: Good Baseball Player.

• His mohawk has inadvertently given him the powers of Mr. T.
• Spending another season in Kansas City helped him realize that being a Major League Baseball player is a great job, but it is even better when you don't play in Kansas City.
• Learning English in the offseason helped him understand what the coaches meant by "Don't f*ckin' swing at that" and the fans meant by "you suck." (Seriously, this could be true.)
• He actually is Voldemort and this is his Tom Riddle in his Slytherin prefect days.
• Steroids.

Or it's just a small sample size. Whatever.

PANTS PARTY THREE CLICK HERE

This year's Pants Party is going to be the absolute best. For those of you who don't follow us on social media, we are doing the Pants Party 3 funding entirely through IndieGoGo. What does this mean? It means we have multiple reward levels designed to allow us to hold the biggest Pants Party yet. You want your name on your shirt? We can do that. You want a set a bags to go along with your tickets? We got that. You want to go to Saturday's game? We got you. You want your own booze? We got that too. Unless you want a blownado, we probably got you covered.

The party will be on Sunday June 23rd before the 1:10 game against the Atlanta Braves. (This is also Polish Heritage Day and everyone who actually makes it inside will get a Polish Sausage bobblehead.) The party will start as soon as they start letting cars in the parking lot. We will have all-you-can-drink beer, an additional drinking option (think jungle juice,) all-you-can-eat food (brats, as well as some next level tailgating food,) tailgating games, t-shirts, stickers and much, much more. I am not kidding when I say that it is going to be the best tailgate party of the year. It's going to be the best tailgate party of the year.

How much do I believe in this thing? So much I made this video.

Seriously, this is going to be awesome. Things are going to happen that will be amazing. Someone you know will forget to put on suntan lotion and get burnt, someone will fall, you'll have the chance to tell someone (probably me) they are wrong about something and good times will be had by all. Pants Parties are the best.

But don't take my word for it. Here a few testimonials from ACTUAL Pants Party attendees:

Should you attend Pants Party 2013? Only if you like to have fun. I look forward to this event every year. It's a great party with cool people and (semi) intelligent baseball discussion. - Rachel, former and future Pants Party attendee

Tonight I'm proud to be contributor #1 to one of the best (mostly) annual parties any Brewer site has ever held. C'mon out and join us! - Kyle L, Brew Crew Ball

Everyone that likes baseball or fun should go to this. It's a blast! - Joe K

What the hell is wrong with you people? - the lady in the purple
 

So check it out. We would really like you to come and have a good time with us. We will have booze, prizes, food, games and fun. Then when we're done with that will have some baseball. Where can you go wrong? It will be the time of your life. When it's over you will have never have felt this way before. It's the truth and you'll owe it all to MPD.

Questions? Click through for the FAQ, VIP rewards info and pictures of this year's stickers.

We received lots of submissions from a whole bunch of readers throughout the week, and we didn't even have to be desperate about getting people to participate at all. Chalk up another successful promotion for the MPD boys!

Actually, participation only climbed to upwards of three people. Yikes! Anyway, since we promised stuff to people, I thought we'd share the efforts and name the runner-up and winning submissions below.

I did this one for fun.

This one comes from a Philadelphia-based podcast called NQA Podcast. It was the first one I received and when I opened it, I actually laughed for a while. I thought Super HGH only came in pill form.

Jared B.'s surfing dog.

Jared B. reminding most of us a man in his seventies is in better shape than we are.

Jared B. again! I like how the green bar overlaps Vince. I would've picked this as the winner, but I thought it wouldn't make sense to people who didn't know what the guy who runs this site looks like. He looks like this.

Cindy L. with the first of two similar-but-awesome submissions.

RUNNER UP: Cindy L.'s other submission is good for second place. Notice the faint racing sausages looming ominously in the background. Great stuff, Cindy.

And the winner is...

Jared B. with his fourth entry. Between making fun of Front Row Amy, the attention to detail and the concept itself, this was impossible to resist picking, even though I know Jared. Whatever, three people entered. I don't have to explain myself.

Congrats to our winners. The rest of you should make sure to enter the next time I try a contest, which will probably never happen again.

In my 28-plus years on this planet, I'd estimate I've attended approximately 150 or so Major League Baseball games--roughly an entire season's worth of games. Thanks to proximity to the Miller Park, friends who love going to games and likely not being able to get a girl pregnant due to a perfect storm of looking as I do, binge-drinking Lo-Carb Monster and often resting my laptop on my crotch, I get to the park more than the average American. I mean, it's not like I'm in my mid- to late-40s and get to drive 200 combined miles 50 to 60 times a year to watch games alone while my spouse stays home with my kids, but I've still been pretty fortunate to witness as many baseball games as I have in my life.

In games I've attended, I've seen tons of Major League debuts, Prince Fielder and Rickie Weeks' first home runs (same game!), first hits, five stadiums in as many states, fist fights, dramatic game-winning plays, crippling bullpen collapses, a 40-something biker lady whip out a breast, the bottom of countless helmet bowls, a Brooks Kieschnick pinch hit HR, and enough people doing the wave to make me absolutely lose faith in humanity. I think I once saw Ken Macha move! I've seen some great things and am lucky to have a baseball stadium serve as the background to many of my most prevalent and joyus memories in my life. But there's one thing I've never seen that I desperately want to, and--no matter how many hundred additional games I attend--might never see: a no-hitter.

If my math is correct, there are 4,860 regular season no-hitter opportunities. Once the playoffs are through, MLB starting pitchers will have more than 4,900 combined chances to accomplish the feat. At this point, there have only been 279 no-hitters in MLB history (280 if Jim Joyce was never born), so it's admittedly not a very common event. Still, of all teams in baseball (excluding the Nationals, who are basically the Expos, which have four no-nos in their history), the Brewers and the Mets have the fewest. That Brewers no-hitter by Juan Nieves--which Bill Schroeder caught. I don't know if he's ever mentioned it--in 1987 is one less than the no-no tallies of the Brooklyn Superbas, Washington Senators and Providence Grays and five fewer than the St. Louis Browns--six fewer than Nolan Ryan on his lonesome. Someone named Steve Busby even tossed one more no-hitter than the entire Brewers franchise has. In fact, one was against Milwaukee.

Milwaukee has been no-hit thrice (1974, 1994 and 2007), but never in a home game when I was alive. Pitchers with Brewers connections, such as Chris Bosio, Hideo Nomo (twice) and Jim Abbott has tossed no-nos, but never in a Brew Crew uniform. Carlos Zombrano threw one at Miller Park when the hurricane-displaced Houston Astros were using it as the team's "Home" stadium and I almost went, but lived in Appleton at the time and decided against buying tickets the morning of. Really, to see a no-hitter is special because it's a perfect recipe of skill, luck, circumstance and a silently thickening atmosphere around the approaching milestone. Once a pitcher (Brewer or otherwise) tosses five clear frames at a game I'm attending, I allow myself to imagine that this might be the game I see my no-hitter and have a story about being there when some asshole like Eric Stults no hit my Brewers in a fairly meaningless contest. In the 9th, I'd openly root for an opposing pitcher to no-hit Milwaukee (excluding elimination games). I don't care. So in addition to the game itself and the periphery joys of tailgating, hearing "Return Of The Mack", seeing mini-milestones, gross boob flashing, 50/50 frozen margaritas and laughing when somebody fucks up a simple trivia question, I go and will continue to go to games with the unlikely, but ever-present hope of witnessing a no-hitter.

Unless it's Bronson Arroyo. Fuck that guy.

MicroBrew - Minor Leaguer Of The Week
Remember when Mike Fiers was on the Brewers? Obama was president and everyone was Twittering while listening to the Lumineers. He's tearing it up in Nashville, so this might be my last chance to nominate the pun-inspiring pitcher for this.

Blatz from the Pabst - Old School Brewer
What has one hand and is incredibly talented and inspiring? Jim Abbott (points at him with one hand while eating a sandwich with the other). Though Jim Abbott only pitched in Milwaukee for one season and it was one of his worst in baseball (and his last), I'm proud the organization is part of his incredible story. Best yet, his stint came just after the Crew moved to the National League, so he had to bat too. In 21 at-bats, Abbott had two hits and three RBI. Suck it, Ben Sheets!

Handy Heckle - Cardinals
Whatever, the Yankees arguably have a richer and more accomplished history than you guys!

Tailgating Tips - What to put inside you, etc.
To eat: Shrimp and Spanish Chorizo Bites (via Lizconsin)

1/2 pound medium shrimp (about 30 shrimp), peeled and deveined if necessary
1 (7.9 ounce) package of Spanish chorizo, sliced into 1/4-inch rounds
1 clove garlic, finely minced
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1 Tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 Tablespoon dry Sherry
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil, plus more for the pan
2 Tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

In a medium bowl, combine the shrimp, garlic, oregano, vinegar, Sherry, and 1/4 cup of the olive oil; toss to coat.  Marinate in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Skewer one shrimp and one round of chorizo onto wooden toothpicks or skewers.
Repeat with the remaining shrimp and chorizo.

Working in batches, oil your grill and heat to medium-high. Place skewers on the grill and sear on both sides until the shrimp are cooked through and the chorizo is lightly browned, about 3 to 4 minutes. Garnish with parsley.

(Adapted from The Galley Gourmet)

To drink: Like any Wisconsin resident who's five to 10 pounds overweight, I like an Old Fashioned or six to wash down my beer batter-douched cod and seven side starches I wolf down almost every Friday of my life. But if you're on the go or too cheap to buy bitters, pick up Arty's Old Fashioneds. Basically, a Fox Valley man and his uncle pre-make and bottle this in-state brandy staple (though I prefer whiskey in mine) in both sweet and sour varieties. I'm livid that I didn't think of this idea first. It was right there all along. Idiot, Tyler!

Tailgating Tunes - Milwaukee music recommendation

Sharing a spot on the vaunted Sub Pop label with acts like The Shins, Iron And Wine, King Tuff, Wolf Parade, David Cross, Eugene Mirman and a thousand other great bands and comedians, Milwaukee slacker-rock outfit Jaill specializes in stripped-down and summer-inspired songs that have the ability to stick in your head any time the temperature climbs above 70.

Monday, I met Jaill's frontman, founder and sole remaining original member Vinnie at a coffee shop to interview him for an article. After the interview we were finish our drinks and I asked him, a Burlington, WI native in his early 30s, if he knew Tony Romo in high school. He said he tried to convince his then-girlfriend to break up with Romo, saying something along the lines of "That guy's not going to do anything. He's going to Northern Illinois." Strangely, he was sort of right. Unless you count convincing Jerry Jones you're a starting-caliber NFL quarterback as doing something. See Jaill play a somewhat rare local gig at Hotel Foster on Saturday night.

If you can't make it to Miller Park - Watch the game here
Leff's Lucky Town in Wauwatosa. Best known as the Yovani Gallardo DUI bar now, I couldn't resist giving this place a try. I actually had a great sandwich there. Plus, you know the drinks are strong and (overly) abundant.

Ad-monishment - Shaming local commercials that deserve it
It's hard to hate on Leinenkugel's. Through decades of hard work and solid marketing, the Chippewa Falls brewery has gained national notoriety and exponential distribution growth. Plus, they make some pretty good beers. When I was in San Diego last week, they had it. Really, it's everywhere now--it's even a MLB Network sponsor. So it's kind of a polarizing feeling to see a beer I used to overpay my friend's older sister to buy for me when I was 18 morph into Fat Tire v.2.0 a decade later. It's like that band you've loved forever getting huge, then changing its sound and adding four new members.

I couldn't pick just one ad. Between the "Out here, we win a lot of awards" [show one third place certificate from a regional beer competition in 2001], hamming up their Northwoods accents for lines about how it's made right up in here in Chippewa Falls and the sudden addition of 67 new family members to the commercials (Who's Ellie? I mean, she can stay, but still... she's new!), it's becoming too much. Essentially, this little craft brewery that could now serves as Miller's hidden microbrew arm. Acknowledge it, Leine's and stop the forced camping commercials already.

Follow
@BernieRadio - Vince and I are too lazy and poor to try and start a podcast, so I appreciate those who take the time and energy to do so. Liz (see recipe above) and Dave host this periodical, predominately unbeat podcast. I won a hot dog bobblehead from listening to it. If you listen, you'll win one too. Guaranteed.

Have any ideas for any of these categories? Email tips to ForwardFabrics@gmail.com. GO TO THE PANTS PARTY 3D!!!