I recently wrote that I was becoming aware that seeking or having knowledge was becoming taboo. The post struck a chord with several people, and made me realize that sometimes it is not the knowledge itself that is under attack, but is more often the knee jerk reaction of those protecting themselves because of their lack of knowledge. To avoid the discomfort of being shown to not know something, they aggressively attack person with the knowledge.

Fundamentally it mystifies me why, when someone realizes they don’t know something, they don’t just go and find out about it? When I was in school the cry was, “Go and look it up!” when a student claimed not to know an answer in class. Perhaps students are now spoon-fed information more and given less experience of finding answers, so it is no longer a normal reaction to encountering an unfamiliar idea? Assuming students are still encouraged to learn, even laziness is no longer an excuse for failing to find an answer. With the easy availability of internet access in libraries and schools, smart phones, and wifi, few of us are far from a Google search. Nearly every town and city has libraries, with books – and reference librarians who like to answer questions if reading isn’t a strength. I understand that budget cuts have limited library hours, but if someone has a burning question there are comparatively easy ways to find answers  - and without any public humiliation – if the desire is there to seek them.

I also accept that there are people who, for what ever reason, cultural, practical, or physical, think that knowledge and learning are irrelevant. Cultural attitudes are valued over facts, but without an understanding of how to interpret this information or form reasoned arguments, receivers of cultural attitudes have no good way of processing what they’ve heard. The many reality shows where unconsidered and half-understood ideas are pronounced as fact by participants show this all too often – and worse, give credence to this belief.

Sadly, people who dismiss knowledge as irrelevant often don’t acknowledge that others are equally entitled to believe that knowledge is something they value. Several people mentioned that schools had a role in this, and that different ways of offering knowledge were needed to suit different learning styles. From what I’ve observed over the years, schools are currently leaning over backwards to accommodate students with all kinds of learning issues, to the extent that there seem to be few children who aren’t in special needs or honors programs! Despite all these efforts, students still graduate from some high schools functionally illiterate. Teacher friends are exasperated by parents who expect them to raise their children for them, and yet refuse to participate in the educational process – to come in and meet with a teacher or accept any responsibility for their child’s progress. If the parents are so disinterested in their childrens’ education, no wonder the children see no value in it either.

While reality TV continues to reinforce the lowest common denominators of human life, this reaction is likely to continue. When did you last see a reality program where participants shared a body of knowledge (as opposed to half-baked opinions) or used logic and common sense to solve a problem? Sadly while we accept whining, no personal responsibility and “I dunno” as acceptable responses and solutions, no one is ever going to up their game, and knowledge is going to continue to be the increasingly exclusive bastion of those who have invested the time and effort required to value it.

One of my guilty pleasures is visiting antique shops and watching antiques shows on television. I blame this pleasure on my mother, who despite a generally poor sense of direction could locate the nearest antique shop in a new town in a matter of minutes. As a child, trying not to touch the old and dusty items while waiting for her was a trial, and I had more sympathy for my father’s view that many of the pieces should have been dropped from a great height some decades earlier . . . however, as I got older my attitude changed! I’ve begun to realize that things that have stood the test of time have something to teach us.

I was recently looking through some boxes in the basement and found some forgotten treasures I had accumulated during these antiquing trips. I recalled how intrigued I was with things that had a second purpose integrated, such as a needle case shaped like an umbrella, with a panoramic view of a Victorian seafront through a tiny hole in the handle, or an antler horn spoon that had a whistle carved into the handle. The creativity and craftsmanship required to make these items still amazes me, and makes it clear how badly made mass-produced items are in comparison.

In our world where time is money and we don’t like to wait for anything, it is refreshing to look closely at things that took hours for someone to make. Too often we can now buy the quick version of a product that saves us the tedium of going through the whole process for ourselves – think cake mixes. I have to admit that I have given up doing many things that require long hours of effort – unless I can multi-task and do something else at the same time – and could stand to relearn the values of patience and perseverance.

At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, it also makes me realize that who we are today also reflects the lives we’ve led and the values we’ve adopted. Like it or not, we tend to show by our actions and beliefs what we have experienced. We can process the information, deal with the issues these experiences may have raised, but that past is always there for those who look to see. Like the Victorian artifacts, we also hold important knowledge about the values of the times, people and experiences that formed us.

So, back to the antiques and the lessons they offer; if you have something old you admire in your house, take it out and look at it carefully. What can you tell about the designer and creator from their work? Did they invest enough time and effort for the final product to look good from every angle? Is it interesting and intriguing or beautifully simple? Is there a lesson in what you see for you?

In the past few months I have noticed an increasing number of stories about school children who report that displaying their knowledge brings the wrath of their peers on them. Children who enjoy playing chess or taking part in math or science activities outside school, quickly learn to keep quiet about them in school. Even worse, children who know the answers to a teacher’s question are harassed if they answer, or worse still, show any enthusiasm for the lesson. The worst kind of peer pressure seems to have risen to the surface so those who are least interested in education are imposing their values on everyone else. Gaining or displaying knowledge is now apparently something to hide.

My attention was drawn to this situation again when I came across this article by Jeremy Clarkson in the London Times. In it he laments that intellectual comedy, based on an assumption that the audience will understand the references, has given way to the lowest common denominator – generally bodily functions – and that anyone who aspires to be a comedian has to bow to this pressure. While I enjoy a good laugh about body noises, I wouldn’t want a constant diet of it, which may explain why I don’t watch much mainstream television. Unfashionable or not, I enjoy learning about new ideas and possibilities . . .

While you may not mind that comedy has become more accessible, the cultural trend behind this move does worry me. When I went to school there were definitely students who had little interest in being there. The town had several factories where 16 year olds could be sure of getting work, and academic qualifications were unnecessary. This was essentially a class difference, and the school quietly subdivided us into those who wanted to study and get into higher level jobs or university, and those who would be leaving at the earliest opportunity and so simply marked time at school. We all co-existed as we knew implicitly who was in each group, and other than the occasional Romeo and Juliet-esque romances, the two groups only met for sports or school-wide events.

As with most of the changes I’ve witnessed over the years, I suspect that this anti-intellectual trend is almost certainly a continuation of the response to the centuries when learning and knowledge were exclusively the domain of the wealthy and the clergy. We tend to be scornful of what we can’t have so we feel better about our ourselves, and see this current attitude as a development of this long-festering mindset. In Victorian times education became more widely available and less exclusive, but ironically, while it has helped many of us, it seems to have inadvertently devalued knowledge.

I hope I live long enough to see the tide turn again, so that education returns to being something to be desired – and something we can once again enjoy without fear.

I was intrigued by this story on the BBC website about a new installation at the Tate Modern in London. The installation is a huge box that the visitor can walk into, however it is completely black, and the visitor is left to work out for themselves what is inside. The goal of the artist is to allow the visitor to work out that even when they can’t see where they are going, the outcome is seldom as scary as they imagine it will be.

A woman who appears on camera describes the darkness as “velvety”, which I feel says a great deal about her willingness to suspend her pre-conceptions. Most of us approach the new and unfamiliar with suspicion and wariness – especially when we’ve circled the sun a few times! It made me wonder how I would approach that box? Would I describe the interior as “velvety”, which I perceive to be warm and welcoming, or would my past experiences make me fearful and anticipate that something unpleasant might happen when I can’t see?

I like to think that I am open to new experiences, and for the most part grab them and see what happens. I also know that I am prey to fears – especially of heights and being caught in tight spaces. I have no idea where these fears come from, but know that when I am reluctant to do something new, one of these lingering terrors is probably at the bottom of it. If those dark places became “velvety” in my mind instead of terrifying, would I be able to gain pleasure from bungie jumping or caving?

Of the many women I’ve talked to about my midlife rediscovery projects, I find most are stuck in fear at the prospect of trying something new. While they can accept that traveling to Europe solo is something I enthusiastically undertake, and they appear to believe I am reasonably sane, they draw the line at trying themselves. No amount of explaining that it is refreshing and energizing to rely solely on your own instincts and brain power, can overcome their fear and trust their ability not only to to survive, but to thrive. For them, the black box is potentially dangerous, not “velvety”.

While my initial reaction to the installation story was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to try the experience, as I’ve been writing I’ve begun to realize that it truly is a metaphor for everything I try to defer or avoid. Perhaps if I could find the interior “velvety” I could take that mindset and memory and apply it to those things I’m avoiding?

What do you think? Are you more skeptical or more open to new experiences as you get older?

In amongst the decision-making about shedding activities, roles and attitudes that no longer work, it was something of a surprise to discover that what I most urgently need to shed was failing to make time to do things that energize and excite me. In my over-achieving mind taking time out for fun is time ‘wasted’. I hadn’t consciously realized that in doing this, although I initially got a great deal more work done, I was now stalling and losing impetus.

So now I have to go back to remembering what I like to do to get energized. It is ironic that my pleasure in journal making and writing were the basis of my progress through midlife, however once I started to research them and make my process more academic, I lost touch with those very things I was so inspired to do! I realized that I hadn’t made a book or journal in months – I simply plan them out mentally and then move on, which isn’t a very satisfying process. It is probably no surprise either that this thought came to me as I was knitting!

It also came back to me that I love to travel, but haven’t been anywhere new or different this year. Given that I get lots of new ideas from things I notice while I am traveling, once again I have limited my opportunities for mental stimulation by staying close to home. Granted that in this economy grand scale travel isn’t in my budget, but within a few hours of driving I can be in several different states, so really have no excuse not to find something interesting that is happening and go and do it.

In this general state of what have I stopped doing that I enjoy, I realized that I hadn’t taken any classes recently – except for an html and css class that were brief refresher sessions. Flipping through an online catalog I saw that there are so many things I could learn – from Reiki to ballroom dancing – that I currently know very little about. It is so much easier to justify classes that I can count as being useful to my graphic design work than those simply for the pleasure of learning.

So now I have to give my self permission to go and play again, and make sure that I practice what I preach. Having thought about what you need to get rid of to be true to who you are, what do you need to bring back into your life?

Basking in the glow of realizing (once again) that stepping back from a situation is sometimes the best thing to do, I wondered if there was anything else I needed to let go of? I recognize that there is a fine line between letting go of things that you can no longer do anything about and simply bailing out when things get tough, so tried to think what fell into the first category.

As I was pondering, I came across an article about not trying to do everything all at once because it leads to frustration and lack of action. Not surprisingly, it got my attention, as I have been trying to prioritize the work on all my sites for several months, and constantly feel that no matter what I am working on, the other areas are getting ever further behind. It dawned on me that I had simply started too many projects, and need to give up those that are no longer going in the right direction.

Now comes the difficult part where I have to decide what to let go of. After investing so much time and energy in getting the projects off the ground, it is hard to part with any of them. As with any task however, it is important to step back and see what elements are moving the process forwards, and what are holding it back.

When I began this blog about how I use the arts to get through midlife, it was all I was doing in the realm of midlife. Then I decided that I should provide information about the psychological, spiritual and physical changes of midlife in addition to offering projects, so started on that site – which quickly grew from a projected 40 pages to in excess of 100 pages. From this I felt I needed to set up stores to offer products to provide additional information in greater depth, and have yet to fully develop my original idea of offering classes and tours on using the arts in midlife.

As I sat and knitted yesterday (if I keep my hands busy I find I think more clearly) I realized that if I was honest with myself I had become increasingly frustrated with the feeling that no matter how hard I worked, I simply couldn’t get caught up with my ever-expanding ‘to do’ list. Eventually the truth kicked in that no matter how much I like to believe I can multi-task, I actually do much better when I focus on one thing at a time. The old saying about doing one thing and doing it properly sprang into my mind completely unbidden . . .

So now I have to do some serious soul searching and decide which projects I will release, and then work out how I can get back up to speed on the things that remain. Once again, what do I need to release so I can start to move forwards again?

Have you noticed how an idea or concept suddenly appears in your life, only to be repeated in different contexts over the space of a few days? Whatever the psychological backstory is to this phenomenon, my message from the universe is currently that whatever is on the inside will be evident on the outside. Not earth-shatteringly new information, I’ll admit, but over the past three days I’ve encountered it in writing, in a discussion and on television.

This message is about refining inner thoughts and beliefs so that behavior is in alignment with them. More importantly, it is about cleaning out negative attitudes and beliefs to stop seeing the world through damaging filters.

I suspect that at the root of this series of messages is my attitude towards some money I am owed. Four the past four months this ongoing saga has consumed huge amounts of my time and energy, and as a result not only has my attitude towards the person involved deteriorated, but it has apparently expanded to include the organization they work for – and on bad days, even the organization’s buildings! Clearly a negative attitude can expand exponentially given the right fuel . . .

I’m assuming that the purpose of these messages is to help me let go of the situation. It is now clear that my frustration has expanded to affect my reaction to people – and buildings – who aren’t even responsible for what has occurred. It wasn’t a conscious decision to expand my negative attitude, it simply grew.

While letting go of an injustice is hard, I feel that the message was fundamentally right on time and on target. While I hope the situation will be resolved in an honorable way, I am relieved to no longer have the weight of this situation on my shoulders. I can go back to responding from who I believe I am on the inside, which feels a lot better now.

What message is the cosmos trying to get you to hear?

I am fortunate to be working part time in a place where the majority of employees are boomers. It doesn’t seem to be a deliberate policy – though reverse ageism seems like an admirable direction for any company to select – but it does mean that I get to eat lunch with other people living with the effects of midlife.

What surprised me was how many conversations end up being about the need for quality sleep, and the difficulties of achieving it. I heard strategies about running to get more physical activity and starting the day earlier so you get more sleep before midnight. The bottom line was that despite knowing what we should do to get better quality sleep, our bodies don’t seem to be on the same page.

A big issue seems to be trying to find the right temperature for the room and bedding. Granted we are transitioning from summer to autumn and the night time temperatures can vary by 10 degrees from one day to the next, but even when we guiltily put on air conditioning to try to standardize our sleeping environments it doesn’t seem to help. I know hot flashes can scramble the ability to sleep, but this temperature issue seems to be a post-menopause phenomenon as well.

The next issue we noticed is how noise can startle us from the sleep we have manage to achieve. Any unexpected noise seems to have the capacity to do this, no matter how benign – a car coming to a stop or birds waking up for the day. The bad news seems to be that having entered ‘fright or flight’  mode because of this abrupt awakening, getting back to sleep again is much harder, if possible at all. Again, strategies from white noise machines, to ear plugs, to noise canceling headsets have been tried, but without astonishing success.

We know about limiting caffeine and alcohol, especially later in the day. We know about eating well and not eating too late in the day. We know about – and mostly practice – the beneficial effects of exercise to balance out sedentary work hours. So why is a good night of undisturbed sleep still so elusive?

A quick search brings up all the usual information about hormonal changes, but I want to find out what I can do to help myself sleep better. This article in More magazine suggests four solutions that I hadn’t heard before. They include cooling your core while maintaining body heat in your extremities, eating foods rich in vitamin b as they include higher levels of tryptophan, keeping your pets out of the bedroom and interestingly, modifying light bulbs in your home to create less blue light, especially in the hours before sleep as the blue end of the spectrum has been found to make it harder for your body to produce melatonin, that helps you get to sleep.

Looks like I have some work to do, but if a good night’s sleep is at the other end of it, it will be worth every ounce of energy it takes!

I was living under the impression that I had done a great deal of ‘who am I now?’ work in the past few years, and was moving along happily adapting to being that person. Then I cam across a questionnaire that I felt compelled to complete, and found that for all my forward movement, there was still plenty of old work lurking in wait!

It makes a great deal of sense that as we approach midlife we take stock of what we’ve done, what roles we need to shed and work out what we want to accomplish with the rest of our days. Over time I realized that being a people pleaser and saying ‘yes’ to everything ultimately led to resentment and unhappiness. Now I know to check my gut instinct before I reply, and if I feel that saying yes is not a good idea, I politely decline and go on my way.

What I hadn’t bargained for when I answered the questions in this quiz was how much I still believe from childhood that was probably untrue then, and certainly is irrelevant now. When I do my gut check in response to a question or situation I am generally on the right path, but when I am caught on the fly I default to what I think of as “good little girl” mode. At some level I still assume everyone else knows better than me what I need or should be doing – and that is very disconcerting.

The purpose of the quiz was to uncover such redundant beliefs, so can report that it was effective. Being once again aware of this tendency I can deliberately and consciously pause before answering, then respond from who I am today. Part of me is thrilled to realize I am still learning new things about myself, but part of me is frustrated that some of the ‘new’ material is in fact old stuff that needs revisiting – once again.

The results also remind me that we are all works in progress. We don’t suddenly wake up at midlife fully evolved, but find it to be a wakeup call to check in with ourselves and see what needs tweaking and tuning up to get closer to who we feel we fundamentally are. The good news is that growing awareness brings about the desire to act – or to decide to stay in place. So, who are you now?

The other morning I caught an interview about women who had changed direction at midlife. As I fumed gently that the story was being aired on a holiday morning when fewer people would be watching, I was still glad that their stories were deemed newsworthy enough to be told.

One woman was author, Claire Cook, a teacher who aways wanted to write. So many of us are worried about giving up a steady income to pursue a dream, but unlike most of us, she found an ingenious way to act on that desire without giving up her income. Instead of sitting and chatting with the other parents during her daughter’s swim practices, she used the time to sit in her mini-van and write her first novel. A few years later she wrote another novel, Must Love Dogs, and soon found herself on the red carpet for the movie premier.

This story gives me great satisfaction! Not only did Claire find a way to work on her passion, but she exemplifies the way women at midlife can reinvent themselves. It is so sad to hear, “I always wanted to . . .” come from anyone’s lips. I encourage anyone who has a passion they want to follow, but doesn’t think they have the time to do so, to use the little pockets of time that they can to move towards their goals.

For those trying to work out what to do with their passion, I also commend Barbara Winter’s newly improved and revised book, Making a Living Without a Job. Barbara learned to use her skills and passions to create a lifestyle that used each of them to create a living. The original book was published about 16 years ago, so made no mention of the internet as a resource. I can’t wait to read the new edition to find what additional ideas she offers!

Let’s all take positive steps towards moving ourselves from the sidelines and stories on holidays to the forefront of awareness, and show those who have written us off that we still have a lot to offer!