1. Believe in your own version of a very modern fairy tale, and go find it

2. Have your morning coffee in bed, while listening to “Zou Bisou Bisou “

3. Have breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings, while listening to Diana Krall and reading the New York Times

4. Wear lovely lingerie

5. Wear beautiful nightgowns and pyjamas

6. Replace your bedroom slippers with these

7. Wear dresses at home, and on weekends

8. Watch “Casablanca” (1942) on a school night

9. Or “Summertime” (1955)

10. Or “The Philadelphia Story” (1940)

11. Or “The Tourist” (2010)

12. Or “Enchanted April” (1992)

13. Light candles when you arrive home, rather than turning on all the lights in the house

14. Enjoy a glass of wine and some jazz after work, rather than turning on the television

15. Listen to “So Nice “by Stacey Kent

16. Listen to anything in French by Francoise Hardy

17. Or anything at all by Billie Holiday

18. Read more Byron

19. Read more Keats

20. Read more Neruda

21. Keep fresh flowers on your nightstand

22. And a copy of “Anna Karenina” (Leo Tolstoy)

23. And a diffuser with an exotic fragrance

24. Dress your bed in sheets that you love slipping between

25. Travel to Africa

26. Travel to India

27. Travel to Italy

28. Travel from London to Venice on the Orient Express

29. Read “Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel García Márquez

30. And “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte

31. And “Dr. Zhivago” by Boris Pasternak

32. And “The Age of Innocence” by Edith Wharton

33. And “Out of Africa” by Isak Dinesen

34. Use Nigella Lawson’s latest book “Nigellisima” as your cooking inspiration

35. And the loungey cool Sublime Music London soundtrack featured on the BBC programme sets the mood for a very romantic dinner afterwards

36. Slip into something beautiful after work

37. Wind down in the evening with Candlelight Yoga (my favourite)

38. Be comfortable being a woman, and being in your own skin

39. Take a cooking class and fall in love with food

40. Take a wine tasting course and fall in love with wine

41. Attend a photography workshop and fall in love with the world

42. Attend an art gallery opening and just appreciate the artist’s work

43. Take the Manet to Picasso audio tour at the National Gallery in London

44. Listen to the National Gallery’s monthly podcast during a lunch break

45. Have a Spanish picnic of bread, Iberico Bellota, Manchego, olives, salad and Rioja for dinner on a lazy Thursday night

46. Visit Fundu Lagoon, Zanzibar Archipelago, Tanzania

47. Visit Four Seasons Koh Samui

48. Learn to sketch

49. Learn to play the Spanish guitar

50. Eat outside on the terrace as often as possible

51. Have cafe au lait and croissants with jam for breakfast

52. Go to the Farmer’s Market in Ascot, and stroll down to Fego Caffee for a cappuccino

53. Have a glass of wine by a roaring fire

54. Write a poem

55. Write a short story about a chance meeting

56. Write a love letter to the object of your desire, even if you never send it

57. Take a tour of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Paris

58. Take a tour of Hemingway’s Cuba

59. Take afternoon tea at the Fairmont Empress in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

60. Move to a cottage by the sea

61. Or to a stone house in the countryside

62. Or to another country

63. Learn to speak Italian

64. Or Spanish

65. Or Portugese

66. Drive along the rugged coast of Ireland

67. Or Big Sur

68. Hike the hilly coast of Scotland

69. Or the Jurassic coast of England

70. Have a wee dram on The Royal Scotsman

71. Go to the races at Glorious Goodwood

72. Or Del Mar, and stay at L’Auberge Del Mar

73. Meet for drinks at Zuma, in London or Miami

74. Or Claridge’s, in London

75. Or Truluck’s in Naples. Florida

76. Or Campiello in Naples, Florida

77. Begin the weekend with a glass of Prosecco as soon as you’re home on Friday night

78. Begin a Sunday night bath ritual, with music, to make the weekend last just a little bit longer

79. Wear your favourite perfume to bed

80. Eat outside at a cafe and people watch

81. Talk to strangers

82. Walk along the beach more often, no matter what time of year

83. Listen to jazz in New Orleans

84. Or Chicago

85. Or Paris

86. Make Nigella’s sexy Spaghetti Alla Carbonara for one…or two

87. Put twinkle lights on your indoor and outdoor trees, and turn them on for no reason at all

88. Attend live theatre more often

89. Fall in love with yourself first

90. Then fall in love with someone else

91. And when you do, don’t be afraid

92. And understand that the disagreements are an integral part of the plot

93. And so is the making up

94. And so are the boring bits

95. Enjoy all of the ebbs and flows that come with a life well lived

96. And cry when you need to

97. Or just want to

98. And love as much as you possibly can

99. Until you get it right

100. And above all else, let the cynics say what they may, but never forget that life is so much better with romance in it

Dress by Carlos Miele, photo credit unknown.

“Elegance is innate. It has nothing to do with being well dressed. Elegance is refusal.”

Diana Vreeland

Lately, I find that I enjoy the company of discerning men and women more and more. The quiet self-confidence they exude, the gentle warmth they display, the relaxed and effortless way they carry themselves and the sense of laid back elegance they live by just seem to put me at ease. There is no competing for attention, no need to impress, no trying to hijack or run a conversation and not a trace of one-upmanship in sight. There are just lovely and lively exchanges, quality friendships, wonderful experiences, comfortable homes and a genuine appreciation for the value of being more discerning myself.

However, that was not always the case. Although I’ve always been an admirer of urbane men and women, classically beautiful clothing and lovely surroundings, I also had a taste for overachievement, overconsumption and just for overdoing, in general. At that time, I thought that being discerning was a certain type of snobbery, one that would make my life boring and would have me missing out on all that the world had to offer. I now understand that it’s just a different life philosophy; one that’s based on finding things that fit, rather than trying to make everything fit, and that while living fast was exciting and exhilarating, it was also exhausting and, at times, very, very inelegant.

Still, it took me a long time to understand that I was actually holding myself back from the life, relationships and career I dreamt of because I was trying too hard to do and have too much. That, although counterintuitive, being more discerning would bring me more success, more lovely surroundings, fewer complications and more happiness than any amount of chasing (or even achieving) ever could.

So, that is why I’m now a proud proponent of discernment, and of being discerning in all things. Because in having the courage to refuse to compromise on the company and clothes that I keep, or in how I spend my money and my time, or in letting go of whatever simply no longer fits, I find a more and more beautiful life waiting for me wherever I may go and whatever I might have.

photo credit unknown

1. Teach them to respect others, by showing others respect ourselves

2. Place the same value on being well-mannered and kind that we do on being popular, wealthy, attractive, good at sports, or getting straight A’s

3. Read to them every night, and take the time to enjoy it

4. Teach them to have empathy by explaining how they’re actions might make others feel

5. Teach them to be kind to themselves in small ways (i.e. saying nice things about themselves, and their talents)

6. Help them to understand that it’s more important to be kind than it is to be right

7. Teach them how to have pride in their work by showing them the difference between just getting a job done, and doing a job well

8. Help them learn a sense of accomplishment by allowing them to do what they can for themselves

9. Help them learn how to entertain themselves without spending money

10. Be their parent first, and their friend second

11. Home should be set up as a benevolent monarchy, with firm ground rules, rather than as a democracy with young members that don’t yet understand all the ramifications of the decisions that must be made

12. Allow them to explain their views without judgment…they’re learning how to form opinions

13. Understand that shouting and harsh comments can be just as damaging as physical abuse

14. Understand that they are not miniature adults, but children that are still learning and who depend on us for gentle guidance

15. Make time everyday to do something fun with them, even if it’s just for half an hour

16. Understand that the natural state of the parent/child relationship is one of struggle, it’s their job to become independent of us

17. Know that as long as they are doing what we ask of them (making their bed, taking out the trash, doing their homework, cleaning their room, etc) it’s okay if they’re stomping and complaining as they’re doing it. It’s illogical to expect them to be thrilled to do tasks we all dislike.

18. Never make them feel as if they’re unwanted, or a bother

19. Encourage their curiosity

20. Encourage their interests, no matter how different they are from our own

21. Show them how to laugh at themselves, by being able to laugh at ourselves

22. Beginning at a very early age, teach them the value of money, and teach them how to save, invest and budget before they leave home

23. Say “yes” to them as often as possible…save “no” for things that are either wrong or unsafe, not for times that we just can’t be bothered

24. Don’t hover, or attend every single activity; let them learn to do things for their own enjoyment, not as a way to please others

25. Take an interest in their activities, and attend often

26. Talk to them about everything, including world events, but at their level of understanding and maturity

27. Instill in them a sense of good manners, and a sense of fun

28. Do not tolerate unkind behaviour toward others

29. Let them know that they can always disagree with us, as long as it’s done with respect

30. Encourage them to follow their dreams

31. Have a life of our own, so they don’t feel responsible for our happiness

32. Help them to believe that they can achieve anything, so long as they’re willing to pay the price

33. Let them know what the price might be for some of their dreams

34. Teach them the natural consequences of their actions by letting them experience those consequences

35. Protect them from games, television and movies that are not appropriate for their age or maturity level

36. Teach them gratitude

37. Remember that it’s our job to raise good, kind human beings; it’s their job to decide whether that good, kind human being will be a doctor, farmer, teacher, writer, etc

38. Don’t expect them to behave in ways that we do not (i.e. calm and polite when angry, tired or stressed)

39. Give them an example of a happy, committed relationship

40. Teach them that it is perfectly fine to feel angry, sad or hurt, but that it isn’t fine to hurt others or be mean just because we’re feeling angry, sad or hurt

41. Show them ways to self soothe when upset (have a friend over, phone a favourite aunt or grandparent, take a bubble bath and make bubble beards, etc)

42. Understand that shouting and screaming makes a parent seem crazy and out of control, and teaches our children that we cannot be trusted in stressful situations

43. Share our interests with them

44. Teach them healthy boundaries with others

45. Teach them how to be loyal

46. If they are cared for by others, be certain that they’re in a healthy, happy, loving environment

47. Teach them the value of good health habits

48. Be certain they get enough sleep

49. Occasionally let them stay up late

50. Have curfews

51. Occasionally let them stay out after curfew

52. Admit our mistakes

53. Apoligize when required

54. Tell them they are loved every day

55. Pass along religious practices and traditons

56. Understand that we are their primary role models, and be the person we’d like them to be

57. Teach them to be a conscious consumer

58. Teach them the difference between wanting and needing

59. Never use guilt as motivation

60. Welcome their friends into our homes, and on outings

61. Stop and really listen to them, in the same way we like being listened to

62. Eat at the dinner table, and encourage conversation

63. Don’t “shush” them too often

64. Let them laugh

65. Teach them that they alone are responsible for their behaviour, and don’t allow them to blame it on circumstances or on others

66. Happily help them with their homework

67. Remain calm when they are not

6. Help them to learn how to explain why they’re upset

69. When asking how their day was, don’t rush them for an answer, or answer for them. Just wait. Even if they only say “fine”…just wait. Sometimes they’ll open up after digesting the question, and their own thoughts.

70. If all else fails, take them for a walk and ask them how their day was, and then wait for the answer.

71. Never withhold love

72. Don’t give them all of the material things they ask for, even if we can afford it

73. Be sure they have plenty of physical activity, even when it’s inconvenient

74. Help at their school

75. Have family game nights

76. Give them a journal or diary to express their feelings freely

77. Praise them four times as often as you correct them

78. Let the little things go

79. Keep a baby book, or keepsake book, and read it every year on their birthday

80. Stop worrying, and understand that we can only do what we can do

81. Know that both nature and nurture go into the adult they will become

82. Stop working so many hours to buy them things, and give them the gift our our time instead

83. Slow down, and let them see us enjoy our own lives

84. Make sure they learn about art and music

85. Travel with them, and introduce them to other cultures, religions and customs

86. Take them to work with you, and explain what you do

87. At an appropriate age, give them something to care for (i.e. a dog, a fish, a plant)

88. Place a high value on education, not only as a way of making money but also for its own sake

89. Let them make mistakes, and don’t belittle them for it

90. Help them learn to correct the mistakes they do make

91. Surround them with interesting people, books and activities

92. Be a balanced parent, don’t overcompensate for our own childhood

93. Be more interested in them than we are in our friends or ourselves

94. Teach them to use technology intelligently, and with good manners (i.e. no cellular phones at the dinner table)

95. Be more interested in whether those they date are kind to them, instead of focusing on whether we like them or not

96. Make sure they know that stressful times have nothing to do with them (i.e. job loss, financial difficulties)

97. As they become a teenager, take on an advisor’s role while still steering

98. When they have a problem, ask them how they think they should solve it, rather than simply giving them the answer, then talk it through

99. Use the last few years that your child is at home to teach them how to manage their own time, money and behaviour

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

~Leonardo de Vinci

Due to the overwhelming popularity of 100 Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life, here’s the next edition of ways to make this complicated old world just a little bit more lovely and simple…

1. Believe that everything will turn out just fine in the end, because it usually does

2. Learn the basics of investing, so that you’re able to grow your wealth

3. Say exactly what you mean with kindness

4. Believe in something bigger than yourself

5. File your taxes promptly

6. Be a peacemaker, not a warmonger

7. Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day

8. Don’t confuse love with sex

9. Before making any major decision, sleep on it

10. Pray, meditate or reflect every day

11. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all

12. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you

13. Find a reason to laugh every day

14. Teach your children about art, music, and literature

15. Teach your children how to save, invest and manage money

16. Don’t blame others for your situation

17. Accept that you can’t change anyone’s nature, including your own

18. Don’t be sad in order to make someone else happy

19. Don’t be less than you are to make someone else more comfortable

20. When you move to a new city or town, make friends quickly

21. Don’t harbour ill will towards authority for no valid reason

22. Don’t complain unless you have a solution

23. Make peace with your parents

24. Tell your young children “no” when necessary

25. All things in moderation

26. Buy white dishes that never go out of style

27. Take good care of yourself so that you’ll be able to do more for others

28. Understand that no one was put on this earth to make you happy

29. Allow others to make themselves happy

30. Be tolerant of other cultures, lifestyles, and religions

31. Don’t be defensive. Listen calmly to constructive criticism, act if it’s accurate, disagree politely if it isn’t.

32. Tell yourself the truth

33. Stop making negative comments about your body, your mind, or your beauty

34. Work harder on making the inside pretty, and less on making the outside pretty

35. Make due with what you have

36. Work to live, and live to eat

37. Fall madly, deeply, crazy in love, and don’t hold anything back

38. Take people at their word, until you’ve been shown that you can’t

39. Have your teeth cleaned every six months

40. Floss

41. Have a weekly date night with your partner

42. Don’t let your children become the center of your family; they need to begin their own life someday

43. Don’t make your children feel guilty for beginning their own life

44. Smile at others as often as possible

45. Be too busy to care what others think, but not too busy to care for others

46. Take the 100 Thing Challenge

47. Live by the phrase “vive le difference”

48. Be monogamous

49. Cry when you need to

50. Tell your children that you believe in them, and be their number one fan

51. Agree to disagree

52. Don’t try to control others, accept them instead

53. Don’t try to control the situation, accept it instead

54. Don’t let pride stand between you and something you want

55. Let your silly side out more often

56. Sit up straight

57. Stand up straight

58. Stay home and rest when you’re sick

59. Don’t pretend to be sick

60. Don’t drive when you’re tired

61. Do your best to make others feel comfortable

62. Don’t keep guns in your home

63. Set healthy boundaries with others

64. Be careful not to say something in anger that cannot be taken back

65. Learn to like yourself

66. Take responsibility for your actions, even if it’s embarassing

67. If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so

68. Learn how to find the answers to things you don’t know

69. Stop smoking

70. Break your addiction to your iPhone or Blackberry

71. Create a basic wardrobe of quality classics, and only buy what you need to replace what has worn out

72. Have your pets checked regularly by their vet, including their immunization records

73. Stop waiting

74. Start living

75. Write thank you notes

76. Don’t compare yourself to others

77. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem

78. Read more

79. Skip more

80. Remove the television from your bedroom

81. Be present more often

82. Be a human being, not a human doing

83. Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone that you love them

84. Laugh at yourself

85. Stay in touch with people that remind you where you came from

86. Don’t be ashamed of your upbringing

87. Stop thinking the world owes you something

88. Realize that you owe the world your best self

89. Honour your elders

90. Be careful not to become self-absorbed

91. Give up the belief that great wealth, great beauty, or great fame will make you happy. It won’t.

92. Learn what does make you truly, utterly, undeniably happy on a lasting basis

93. Give more than you get

94. Stop making excuses

95. Stop being angry at the world

96. Throw out the self help books and get on with it

97. Don’t over analyze

98. Realize that no one in your life is perfect, and neither are you

99. Let out a huge sigh of relief at that realization

100. See change as a lovely ending to a book you’ve just finished reading, and go out and find the next book

photo credit unknown

1. Linger after a kiss

2. Sit in the quiet, no television and no radio, and just listen (This pairs very well with a cup of coffee before anyone else has gotten up in the morning)

3. Take your time making your bed, and enjoy when all of the pillows are just so

4. Walk more slowly, and look around you rather than straight ahead

5. Take all day to cook a fabulous meal from scratch, and enjoy every step

6. Leave the radio off in the car, and listen to your thoughts

7. Take your time getting dressed and putting on your makeup, and just anticipate the evening out

8. Take your child for a walk, ask them questions, and contemplate their answers without giving your own opinion

9. Practice il dolce far niente…the sweetness of doing nothing

10. Read The Precious Present

11. Revive the 6pm cocktail hour at home, and just relax while chatting with your partner or listening to jazz

12. Have a bedtime ritual that soothes and relaxes

13. When dusting, enjoy the feeling and weight of each item

14. Make a picnic for one, and take it to your private reflecting spot

15. Eat at the dinner table, rather than in front of the television, and taste each wonderful bite

16. Stay a little bit longer in the bathtub, and add some wonderful aromatherapy oil

17. Lazily stretch in bed when you first wake up

18. Go for an old fashioned Sunday afternoon drive

19. Invite friends over for a glass of wine on the terrace…even on a school night

20. Go to your nearest dog beach, or dog park, to be reminded about being absolutely present

21. Look for a four leaf clover

22. When your partner is snoring, think of how much you’d miss that snore if they weren’t with you anymore

23. Make eye contact with your partner across a crowded room, and wink

24. Make your own lovely arrangement of flowers, trimming and placing each stem perfectly

25. Read in bed before drifting off to sleep

26. Get a little table outside at a cafe for lunch during the workday, and use every single minute of your lunch break

27. Have only one bite of dessert, and let it fill your mouth with flavour

28. Watch you children, or partner, when they don’t know you are..especially when they’re laughing at a movie or television programme

29. Feel the bubbles in your Champagne tickle your tongue

30. Go to a cricket match, order a Pimm’s, and feel the sun on your face

31. Feel the fabric of each item you’re wearing today

32. People watch while you’re waiting for the train

33. How wonderful is a long drink of water when you’re very thirsty?

34. Relish the feeling of taking your makeup off before bed

35. Delight in the look of appreciation when you’re significant other sees you dressed to go out

36. Study wine tasting: it’s one of the best ways to learn to appreciate tastes and smells

37. Find the most scenic way to drive to work, even if it takes a few extra minutes

38. Stop rushing yourself, and practice The Elegance of Slow

39. Take up gardening, even if it’s flower pots on the terrace

40. Take up golf; it’s a lovely way to savour 4 hours outdoors with a friend

41. Stay in bed all day and watch old movies

42. Invite good friends over for dinner, and sit back and just listen to the conversation

43. Make snow cones on a warm summer’s day

44. Get a puppy

45. Window shop

46. Daydream

47. Read old letters and cards you’ve received

48. Enjoy the sound of rain

49. Enjoy the sound of birds singing

50. Enjoy the sound of your children singing, laughing or simply talking

51. Sleep in your loveliest nightgown

52. Decide how you’ll make right now perfect for yourself, or someone you love

53. Bundle up and go outside for a walk in the snow

54. Put on a sundress and sandals and enjoy a day outside in the sun

55. Splash in the puddles with your children, your dog or your spouse

56. Take complete joy in one thing that you’re truly grateful for

57. Learn to play a musical instrument

58. Luxuriate in the feeling of clean sheets

59. Appreciate your surroundings, wherever you are right now

60. Have lunch with the girls

61. Enjoy the feeling of working out, whether it’s yoga, running, lifting weights or swimming

62. Photograph the moment through your own eyes

63. Pour a nice glass of wine and reflect on this very minute

64. Savour a cup of coffee at a cafe in Paris

65. Close your eyes and listen to your favourite song

66. Stand on the edge of the surf, and enjoy the water lapping over your toes

67. Get a massage and let the world quietly drift away

68. Pay special attention to the details in your home

69. Take a walk in the country with a dog or a small child, and see everything they see

70. Take a walk in NYC and swim in all the sights, smells and sounds

71. Say a sincere “please” and “thank you” to clerks and waitstaff, and watch their reaction

72. Thrill to a finished project at work, before beginning the next one

73. Blow goodbye kisses

74. Listen to the crickets on a summer’s evening

75. Live somewhere you can see the stars again

76. When the traffic is bad, realize that you can’t do anything about it, turn up the radio, and sing

77. Make snow angels

78. Be the person others can count on to really listen

79. Have a game night, whether with family or friends

80. Stop and smell the roses…literally

81. Write proper letters

82. Enjoy a job well done

83. Visit a museum and take a seat in front of your favourite work of art

84. Appreciate a fine piece of furniture that was made by hand

85. Give your spouse a big kiss for doing the dishes

86. Cook together

87. Laugh at the silly things

88. Take a Sunday afternoon nap

89. Have margaritas with chips and guacamole for dinner

90. Play dress up with your daughter

91. Catch lightning bugs with your son

92. Make a candlelit dinner for two

93. Write a list of the things you like about you

94. Write a list of the things you like about your partner

95. Make a list of all the things you like

96. Spend some time in a hammock

97. Build a sandcastle, a snow man or a fort

98. Dance while you cook, clean or iron

99. Appreciate one cigar a year on your birthday

100. Be exactly where you are right now

photo credit unknown

The history of making New Year’s resolutions dates back to the ancient Babylonians, but it seems that with over 4000 years of experience we still aren’t any better at keeping those resolutions than our ancient predecessors. The topic has been widely researched, and yet no clear answers have emerged as to why we continue to do the things that we know aren’t good for us, or why we skip the things that we know will bring us immeasurable health, pleasure and joy.

We procrastinate. We date the wrong people. We smoke. We act irresponsibly with our finances. We curse. We skip workouts. We hold on to guilt, grudges, pain, envy and jealousy. We fight unfairly with those we care about. We act inelegantly, ungraciously and without manners. We let fear make our decisions for us. We overindulge in food, wine, work, the internet and shopping. And we do it over and over again.

These things may give us momentary comfort, protection, or even pleasure, but we know they aren’t the way to gain lasting happiness. So why do we do them anyway? Is it that we don’t really want to change? Is it because change is too difficult? Is it because the known is easier to fall back into? Or could it be that we just don’t stop to think about what we’re doing, and the consequences, while we’re doing it? Is the answer to keeping our New Year’s resolutions as simple as just becoming more aware?

There are so many teachings on slowing down, being mindful, savouring the moment, and living life on purpose, that perhaps the same applies to keeping our resolutions in the New Year. We’ve been poked and prodded so often into being religiously goal oriented, squeezing more in, and being more productive that we’ve completely forgotten that life is still a lovely journey. It’s also a journey that we’ll miss if we blink. Life isn’t a race to the finish, life is a journey full of individual moments meant to bring us tremendous delight. All that it requires are individual, purposeful actions intended to create the life we want.

Along those lines, I’m proposing a new strategy for resolutions this year. Perhaps if we make being more aware our one and only resolution for 2011, it will help us to make strides in other areas we’re working on, too. If we could practice awareness, then we’d be more mindful of what we’re eating, how we’re speaking to our loved ones and what joy we’re bringing to ourselves and others each day. To take it a step further, we could focus solely on being more aware for the first 30 days of the New Year, as all new habits take that long to incorporate into our lives, then the next month we could add in something else we’d like to work on. We could then use our new tool of being more aware to help us gain ground in eating more healthfully, or reading to our children each evening, etc. We could add a new resolution each month, making a year of mini resolutions all under the umbrella of our main resolution to be mindful. We’d have a New Year of monthly resolutions put into real practice, rather than one month of many New Year’s resolutions that fall by the wayside, and by the end of the year we can look back on a whole year of lovely.

Also, care should be taken not only to dispense with what we no longer want or need in our lives, but to make sure that we’re adding in the things that we do want to be part of our adventure, too. Otherwise, we’re left with a vacuum, and vacuums are too easily filled with what is comfortable. As an example, what will we do rather than smoke? Perhaps practice French, or take a long bath. What will we do rather than shop too much? Perhaps go on a picnic, or volunteer at a children’s hospital. What will we do rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, or envying others? Perhaps read an inspirational book, or write a list of what we’re grateful for in our journal. We’ll fill our lives with so many brilliant things that there is no longer room for the things that should be left out.

So as we close out this year, and look forward to the next, it’s time for contemplation and reflection, and it’s time for fresh starts and new beginnings. Maybe the perfect fresh start is to simply become more aware, as a way of not only keeping our resolutions, but of also enjoying as much of this wonderful, charming life we’ve been given as possible.

Who’s in for a whole year of lovely?

photo credit unknown

1. Hold your head up high, it will help you regain your balance

2. Remind yourself that it’s human to make mistakes

3. Apologize sincerely, and without excuses

4. Cry if you feel like it, and then cry some more

5. Call friends/family and ask for support

6. Face the problem

7. Keep your normal routine, even if you feel disconnected

8. Write down your feelings in a journal

9. Ask people you trust for advice

10. Try and avoid making the situation worse

11. Begin dreaming about the future again as quickly as possible, even if it’s only between bouts of doubt and fear at first

12. Practice yoga

13. Take long walks to think

14. Pray…alot

15. Seek professional help if you feel yourself sinking

16. Educate yourself on what’s happened, and how to cope with it

17. Surround yourself with positive people

18. Adopt a pet for companionship

19. Take long baths

20. Hold on

21. Be careful not to soothe yourself with drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, work or anything else that helps avoid the problem

22. Avoid dating, or beginning a new relationship, until you have your equilibrium back

23. Take a weekend away, even if it’s just to a friend’s house

24. Have a specified period of “worry time” each day, and let things go the rest of the time

25. In other words, don’t obsess

26. Even when you’re hurting, be kind to others

27. Let people help

28. Don’t let others become a crutch

29. Pick up a new hobby

30. Read an inspiring book

31. Remember that you’re not the only one that’s gone through this

32. Commit to surviving, and thriving

33. Help others, as a way of understanding that at any one time we are all facing something difficult

34. Do your best to learn something from the experience

35. Try and find the silver lining to what’s happened to you

36. Cry some more

37. Remember that ups and downs are all a part of life

38. Get plenty of sleep

39. Listen to what your heart is telling you that you need

40. Volunteer to rock infants in your local hospital’s neonatal unit

41. Volunteer to read during the local bookstore’s children’s story hour

42. Don’t forget to take time to see the beauty that’s all around you

43. Take on a new challenge, once you’re ready

44. Remind yourself how strong you are, and how many things you’ve overcome

45. Take care of your health

46. Get angry

47. Tell someone you trust that you’re angry

48. Cry some more

49. Be kind to yourself

50. Learn how to cook your favourite meal

51. If you’ve lost your job, consider beginning a new career doing what you’ve always dreamt of doing

52. Ask the older members of your family about the most difficult thing they’ve ever gone through

53. Write “I will get through this. XO” on your bathroom mirror in red lipstick

54. Be prepared to see yourself, and your life, in a new way

55. Slow down, and take care of yourself

56. Remember that endings come right before new beginnings

57. Don’t beat yourself up over what’s happened, or for how long it’s taking you to get over it

58. Remember that every day is a do over

59. Cry some more

60. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again

61. Be proud of yourself for not giving up

62. Truly listen to every piece of advice you’re given, because you never know what might work for you

62. Wake up every day, and just do the best you can to smile

63. Improve your marketability by learning a new business skill, if you’re unemployed

64. Consider moving if you can’t start over where you are

65. Face the truth

66. Stop wondering why this happened to you. There may have been no reason.

67. Prepare yourself to make tough decisions

68. Be honest with yourself about what you might need to change in yourself

69. Remember that you will make a new life

70. Listen to mood lifting music

71. Try to avoid feeling sorry for yourself

72. Let yourself grieve

73. Don’t say that it didn’t matter. It did.

74. Don’t withdraw

75. Have a weekly date with friends

76. If you can no longer have what you wanted, think of something new that you want

77. Let others see you struggle and overcome. It may help them to do the same some day.

78. Give up outdated ideas of what your life should look like

79. Accept what is

80. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself

81. Forgive anyone, or any event, that contributed to the problem

82. Do your best to reframe your perspective

83. Realize that you may look back and see this as a positive in some way

84. Read the Tao Te Ching

85. Don’t forget to ask others how they’re doing, or you risk becoming too self-absorbed

86. Let yourself laugh and enjoy life again, without feeling guilty

87. Don’t forget to send thank you notes to those that have been there for you

88. Mark small milestones with a private celebration

89. Take responsibility, accept consequences, but eventually leave the guilt behind

90. Understand that others may not forgive you

91. There is no room for regret

92. Make a list of the good things going on in your life, and focus only on them for a day

93. Keep taking care of yourself, even once you begin to feel better

94. Don’t feel guilty for moving on

95. Make a dream book with photos of all the things you’d like in your life

96. Notice when you’ve stopped crying

97. Accept the moments that you regress

98. Throw a dinner party to thank everyone that stood by you

99. Embrace the new life you’re building, and the new people in it

100. When it’s time, have a “letting go ceremony” and look only to the future from that point on

photo- Sarah Jessica Parker in Halston courtesy of Warner Bros.

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.

~Sophia Loren

1. Celebrate every birthday with friends, family and champagne!

2. Practice yoga, stretching or Pilates to stay flexible, and prevent the aches and stiffness that are often erroneously attributed to aging

3. Explore the new freedom and opportunity that every age brings

4. Wear your hair more naturally, both in style and colour

5. Avoid obvious plastic surgery

6. Spend lots of time around children, to be reminded of the joy there is in play

7. Take a new class

8. Wear less make-up

9. Quit smoking

10. Give up flirting, and be charming instead

11. Smile more, it’s an instant facelift

12. Travel often, especially to countries that embrace aging

13. Keep up your appearance

14. Walk everywhere

15. Finally learn how to overcome your personal demons

16. Accept that there never really was anyone else to blame

17. Forget what you’re “supposed to do”

18. Eat more salmon

19. Learn a foreign language now, to help stave off Alzheimer’s Disease later

20. Leave the dance club scene behind

21. Show less cleavage

22. Embrace your age, it’s much more attractive than trying to appear younger than you are

23. Mentor someone younger, it’s a great way to help one another understand a different generation

24. Eat dessert more often

25. Learn to really appreciate all of your experiences, both good and bad, for what they’ve brought into your life

26. Forget what everyone else wants you to be, and be what you want you to be instead

27. Learn the art of graciousness

28. Avoid gaining weight

29. Have regular facials

30. Write a memoir, if only to remember what a wonderful life it’s been thus far

31. Fall in love with you

32. Assign each laugh line/wrinkle a happy moment in your life that may have put it there, remember the moment rather than the wrinkle

33. Reduce your alcohol intake

34. Improve your calcium intake

35. Moisturize religiously

36. Drink more water

37. Get dressed up and go out at least once a week

38. Wear lovely lingerie

39. Find role models to follow

40. Set goals for 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond

41. Wear trends only as accessories

42. Get enough sleep

43. Accept and love your aging face and body (remember how you didn’t appreciate it in your 20s, and now you would die for that body?)

44. Find the balance between trying to look 20, and giving up on your appearance

45. Wear quality shoes, but avoid the sensible kind

46. Spend lots of time with friends

47. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again

48. Take proper vitamins and minerals

49. Don’t dress in a frumpy manner

50. Learn to tango

51. Keep an air of mystery

52. See a nutritionist, and learn to eat for maximum energy

53. Splurge on cashmere

54. Do one thing every day that makes you laugh out loud

55. Avoid excessive sunbathing

56. The more ladylike you are now, the better

57. Sleep on quality mattresses

58. Spend your money on taking better care of yourself, and looking good naturally, rather than trying to cover flaws/signs of aging

59. Don’t hunch over a computer/desk all day, take frequent breaks to stretch (to avoid bad posture becoming permanent later)

60. Forgive yourself

61. Continue volunteering

62. Realize that you’re more than just a mother/grandmother, father/grandfather and live where you want to live, and do what you’ve always dreamt of doing

63. Now is the time to give up regrets, they’re too big a burden to carry gracefully

64. Remember that age does not give you the right to say whatever is on your mind, courtesy still counts

65. Buy classic clothing, of the best quality you can afford

66. Keep dreaming new dreams

67. Drink champagne more often

68. Good news~you now have time for golf

69. And bubble baths

70. Make it look easy

71. Don’t mention menopause, or your varicose veins

72. Appreciate the wonder of your children and grandchildren, and their many talents

73. Reignite the love affair with your partner

74. Tell people about the good things in your life, rather than the aches and pains

75. Redecorate your bedroom

76. Learn how to swim the backstroke properly

77. Hold your head high, and stand as tall as possible

78. Remember that you aren’t your job, or title, and start planning a roaring retirement

79. Stop thinking about how fit you once were, and be as fit as you possibly can be now

80. Write a children’s book on the most important thing they should know

81. One word…exfoliate

82. Learn to love kitten heels and beautiful flats

83. Keep wearing lipstick

84. Learn how to make the big family holiday meal on your own

85. Stop wearing mini-skirts

86. Less has never been more more than it is now

87. Don’t forget that you may be many people’s role model

88. Show love and affection to those you care for

89. Learn to arrange flowers

90. Stop worrying about tomorrow

91. Go for walks after dinner

92. Now is the time to use the good china

93. Tell your children how proud you are of them, and name the specific reasons why

94. Add weight bearing exercise to your routine for strong bones

95. Make a list of the inelegant things you’ve seen older people do, and be certain you don’t do them yourself

96. Stop frowning

97. Take up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try

98. Keep working part-time, to stay active and challenged

99. Attempt one thing every year that you never thought you could do

100. Make your new goal to live to be 100, with health and happiness, and live life in a way that will make it happen

photo credit unknown

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds

2. Get up 30 minutes earlier so that you don’t rush/get a ticket while driving too fast/have to explain why you’re late/get fired

3. Get 8 hours of sleep per night, so that you think more clearly

4. Stick to your budget

5. Start saving and investing every week, no matter how little you can spare

6. Balance your checkbook

7. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.

8. Don’t try to do business with everyone. Identify your target client and take very good care of them.

9. Before getting angry, ask yourself if it will really matter in 20 years

10. Focus on being a good person, not on pleasing others

11. Stay home this Saturday and finish off that nagging chore

12. Kiss and make up

13. Make a weekly menu, and shop for only those items at the market

14. Ask your grandparents the best way to uncomplicate life, and try it for a month

15. Fill up your gas tank when it’s half full

16. Don’t drink alcohol when you’re tired, sad, or mad

17. Pay your bills on time

18. Get an annual physical examination

19. Say “I love you” to your significant other and to your children. Studies show that more marriages last, and fewer kids use drugs, when these words are spoken every day.

20. For just one day, imagine everyone’s intentions are good because most people’s are

21. Give away clothes that haven’t been worn in two years

22. Throw out clothes that are in disrepair and that can’t be mended

23. When you have a conflict with someone, talk it out. Don’t let it turn into more than it is.

24. Know what your priorities are in life, and act as if they are your priorities

25. Tell the truth

26. Don’t cheat

27. Don’t steal

28. If you’re holding on to a ridiculous grudge, let it go

29. Clean your house weekly, so that it doesn’t become too large a chore

30. Do your best at work, or at school

31. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry

32. Eat when you are hungry

33. Be yourself

34. Say no unapologetically

35. Cook simple meals

36. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses

37. Pay off your car before buying a new one

38. Organise your desk at the office

39. Change your smoke alarm batteries when the clocks spring forward, and again when they fall back

40. Organise your important paperwork

41. Take only half the clothes that you planned to take with you on holiday

42. Help your children with their homework every night, and have an open dialogue with their teachers

43. Have white sheets and white towels in children’s rooms/bathrooms, because they’re easily bleached

44. Spend your time with nice people

45. Avoid drama

46. Don’t text or talk on the phone while driving

47. Turn off the television/video games/computer; they’re time consumers

48. Don’t engage in office politics

49. Refuse to gossip, or talk behind other people’s backs

50. Do the dishes right after dinner

51. Never go to sleep angry

52. Ask nicely for what you need and want

53. Walk 10,000 steps per day to help your heart

54. Do 20 push-ups before speaking in anger

55. Leave work at work

56. Don’t befriend anyone that isn’t trustworthy

57. Don’t envy others

58. Have your oil changed

59. Take vitamin C BEFORE you catch a cold

60. Don’t work more than 8 hours per day

61. Weed your garden weekly

62. Wash your car weekly

63. Have a spring cleaning month every year, and do one room at a time

64. You don’t need to be best friends with work colleagues, but build respectful partnerships

65. Don’t drink and drive

66. Don’t look for reasons to be angry or sad, look for reasons to be happy. You’ll always be able to find plenty of each.

67. Be friendly with your neighbours

68. Return emails and phone messages promptly

69. Schedule in free time

70. Don’t procrastinate

71. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it

72. Be more flexible when you’re able to be

73. Forgive and forget. End of story.

74. Break the consumerism habit…put a three month moratorium in place on buying anything not deemed a necessity

75. Start your diet on September 1, rather than January 1, so that you won’t also have holiday pounds to lose

76. Take care of any health issues or concerns

77. Have your tires rotated

78. Have your brakes checked

79. Have your eyes checked

80. Don’t let your imagination run away with you

81. Let go of perfection in others

82. Let go of perfection in yourself

83. Don’t try to help those that refuse to help themselves

84. Find a way to reduce your commute to work

85. Have an alloted amount of worry time per day/week, that you strictly abide by

86. Drink more water

87. Eat more salmon

88. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

89. Wear your hair in a classic, easy to care for style

90. Finish what you start

91. Wear classic clothes and shoes that never go out of style

92. Create a daily routine

93. Have a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year plan for your financial and life goals

94. Slow down

95. Eat out less often

96. When you ask your husband which outfit looks best, thank him for his answer and wear the one he liked rather than focusing on why he didn’t like the other one

97. Allow your children to grow up

98. Clean out your garage, and donate anything that hasn’t been used in the past year

99. Stretch every day

100. If a relationship is over, let it go

This post has been featured on BlogHer and BellaMumma

Photo: Rosamund Pike in Vogue

1. Drive a different way home from work today

2. Volunteer at the Olympics, if you live in the UK

3. Buy an amazing new cookbook and try recipes from it for a week

4. Wear a colour you never thought you’d wear, even if it’s only in your tie

5. Try that new ethnic restaurant around the corner

6. Take Merengue lessons

7. Tell a secret to someone you trust

8. Attend the opera

9. Watch a movie that everyone is recommending, even if you aren’t enthusiastic about it

10. Pick up a bestseller that’s the exact opposite to the genre you always read

11. Pack a picnic, get in the car, and just drive

12. If you aren’t a writer, write 500 words on a topic that interests you

13. You know that little local town you’ve been meaning to explore? Explore it.

14. Take a photography class at a nearby community college

15. Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity, and help build a home for someone

16. Redecorate, or rearrange a room in your own home

17. Try Tai Chi

18. Learn a new language with your significant other and speak it at home

19. Join the local community theatre, and fulfill your dream of becoming an actor

20. Train to run/walk a marathon

21. Learn to play a new musical instrument

22. Restart the ballet lessons you stopped as a child

23. Go camping in the backyard

24. Explore a bit of the city you’re in on your next business trip

25. Join Toastmasters, and learn the art of public speaking

26. Take a painting class

27. Let the kids decide what’s for dinner tonight

28. Plan an around the world trip with your family, and let each member present on the country they’d most like to visit…even if you can’t afford to go

29. Write a memoir, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren will thank you for it

30. Change your haircut/colour

31. Choose a DIY project for your home that’s a bit out of your comfort zone, and try it

32. Stay at a hostel on your next weekend away

33. Smile and say hello as you pass people on the street

34. Volunteer at your local zoo, and learn about the exotic places the animals come from

35. Make Julia Child’s Coq au Vin

36. Walk in the rain, and jump in all the puddles

37. Order something different than “the usual” at your favourite cafe

38. Wear red lipstick

39. Make eye contact with someone you have a crush on

40. Climb a tree

41. Make a list of the 10 things you’d like to do in your lifetime and start planning when you’ll do them

42. Grow orchids

43. Take a surfing lesson

44. Accept that great new job opportunity and move away from your home town/country

45. Fall madly in love and hold nothing back

46. Stop saying “no” just because it’s easier

47. Say yes whenever it’s possible

48. Start your own side business around something you love

49. Learn how to swim the butterfly

50. Ask the perfect girl out on a date

51. Join a bowling league with your girlfriends

52. Ask the boss what you need to do to reach the next step in your career

53. Introduce yourself to your neighbours

54. Think of something to do with only the cash you have in your wallet right now (no debit or credit cards allowed)

55. Host a game night for friends

56. If you normally drive, take public transportation

57. You know that great outfit that’s hanging in the back of the closet? Find a reason to wear it.

58. Take Italian cooking lessons

59. Join a local hiking club

60. Go out to dinner alone

61. Talk to strangers

62. Write a love letter

63. Learn how to invest in the stock market

64. Start a neighbourhood book club

65. Try escargot

66. Turn the television off for a weekend

67. Book only your airfare and hotel this holiday, and just explore/ask for recommendations from the locals

68. One word: Karaoke

69. Stop worrying

70. Plan a romantic night in

71. Make Sangria

72. Make breakfast for dinner

73. Kiss that someone special in public

74. Go to a movie alone

75. Finger paint on your next date

76. Write an article for the local newspaper on why you love where you live

77. Only use your mobile phone for emergencies while you’re on holiday

78. Let it go already

79. Commit to trying one new thing every day

80. Change jobs, if it’s time

81. Eat the local cuisine

82. Take a kick-boxing class

83. Dare to dream

84. Stop listening to naysayers

85. Take a group golf lesson

86. Host a whiskey tasting event in your home

87. Go back to college

88. Try one more time

89. Learn how to make wine

90. Learn how to fly fish

91. Learn how to hula dance

92. Learn how to belly dance

93. Stay at non-chain hotels

94. Make a curry

95. Kiss in the rain

96. Take an improv class

97. Write to someone you admire, and ask how they’ve achieved their goals

98. Start a cooking lesson club with your friends (the host picks the dish, everyone brings an ingredient and you learn together)

99. Don’t ask for directions

100. You know that thing you’ve always wanted to try? Try it.

Photo credit unknown